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If there is one thing about Phil Lester is that he loves lying. Well, not exactly. In his perspective, it’s probably called “spreading misinformation” and move on. And it’s not as if this was a big lie that would change the lives of someone or if he was doing it on purpose. It’s actually just something silly and not so important that everyone can moves on from. One of them being what him and Dan call the Phil squats. And that terrifies him for some unknown reason.
Here's the thing about Dan Howell: he knows really well about his long-time partner. And the other problem being, he sometimes either forgets about that or he suddenly remembers about it randomly when Phil brings it up. The Phil squats are just another thing that has been around for so long that it’s just been a routine for them now.
But the funniest thing is when he realizes it in the middle of when he does it. That’s when Dan is the happiest. It’s those simple and yet random moments that makes him loves Phil more every day.
1
The first time it happens, they just moved to that new home and they have a lot to unpack. They are not getting a lot of sleep and it feels incredibly empty all around them but at the same time, they couldn’t be happier to have moved in a bigger place for themselves.
And if there is something that Dan knows after all those years living with Phil is that he cannot be trusted around any tools or he will either: a) make a fool of himself by not knowing how to use it or b) end up in a life-or-death situation. There is no in-between. He has to be supervised at all time.
But if there is also something that Dan also learned about Phil is that his partner also loves to make him some surprises. Sometimes good and sometimes... they are surprising.
Dan is still in bed when he hears a loud thud coming from wherever it is in the house. He doesn’t realize it right away. He simply does when his arm reaches the emptiness of Phil’s side and that he suddenly straightens up in the bed, knowing exactly what is going on.
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Phil Lester,” he curses under his breath.
His hair is a mess and he is not really dressed for any occasion. He clumsily navigates through the space as he arrives in the room where the noise came from. The only thing he sees is a bunch of tools on the floor and also Phil going straight for it without noticing it.
Dan doesn’t know how he does it or how it happened, he just goes to Phil and he lifts him up.
“Ah!” Phil squeaks.
“Now where do you think you’re going now?” Dan asks. “Or should I ask what the hell are you doing?”
Phil is still in the air on Dan’s shoulder when he looks down where he notices the dangerous tools all over the floor. “Oh,” he simply says, “I was... trying to clean a bit of the mess,” he tries to explain.
And what a mess it is indeed. There are boxes and random objects all over the place. It’s probably not the safest to be around for any of them.
“Uh, uh.”
“Put me down, Dan,” Phil laughs nervously. “You know how nervous it makes me when you do those.”
Dan didn’t even realize that he did a Phil squat. It was more of a reflex than something that he intended to do. When he does, he has the biggest smirk on his face. “And how do you ask nicely?” He then readjusts Phil on his shoulder.
“Please?” Phil tries. “Please, I promise that I’m a good boy and that the next time, I’ll wait for you.”
Phil could’ve said anything that doesn’t make sense and it would have been enough but Dan loves to tease him a little. Plus, it’s first thing in the morning, just let him live a little.
Dan doesn’t say anything before putting Phil down. When he does, he manages to steal a kiss from Phil as they now face each other.
“Don’t do anything else stupid while I go piss and dress, please.”
2
The second time it happened, it’s literally because someone asked for it. See, the thing about having an audience on the Internet is that they sometimes can prompt the situation. Dan and Phil are doing their monthly livestream when a user asks about the infamous squats.
“Oh, yeah, it’s just me lifting Phil on my shoulder,” Dan explains.
“I think they want a demonstration.”
“Ah, they want a visual. I see you freaks out there.”
Phil laughs as he puts a hand on his mouth. He doesn’t have the time to think about anything else, though as Dan literally stands up from his chair beside him. “Oh no, you could’ve-“
“Nope,” Dan shakes his head. He bends his knees slowly and literally lifts Phil in the hair to make him lay on his shoulder. He then proceeds to make a little squat. Enough to make the audience freak out in the chat. “There you have it, lads. The infamous Phil squat!”
“Put me down, put me down. You didn’t say anything. He knows I’m terrified of it.”
“And he doesn’t know why,” Dan breathes as he put Phil down. “Yeah, this is all for your fanfic scenarios, we look forward to react to that on the next Dan and Phil react to Twitter.”
3
The third time, Phil asks for it.
Kind of.
At least, that’s how Dan interprets it. They don’t go out a lot. Actually, this is the thing that they rarely do. It’s almost always for a video or when they are on vacation. But if they are willingly going outside the house, it’s because they have a good reason.
They were craving for that one meal at that they can only have at this one restaurant they went to so many years ago. And it’s really because they absolutely wanted it right now. Since they are the most spontaneous lads, why not?
But they have been busy all week as well. With the hard launching, the podcast, the videos, the content, they only wanted this moment for themselves but Phil has been feeling particularly exhausted.
“You good out there?” Dan asks him as they are walking toward the house.
Phil is a couple of steps behind. And somehow, Dan still finds a way to find him ridiculously looking good with his hair all over the place and his comfy outfit that they picked to go out. “Yeah, just give me a minute.”
Dan walks back to put an arm behind his shoulders. “Hell of a week, uh?”
“You don’t say,” Phil smiles, “but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Dan’s heart melts. As long as they have each other. It always has been this way. Dan and Phil against the world. And for a very long time and so many lifetimes... “Alright, princess, do you trust me?”
“What?”
“I take that as a yes, dear,” Dan says as he pulls a Phil squat.
Phil laughs. He is so exhausted that he doesn’t even mind being in this position. “What are you doing?”
“Carrying you home, you dumbass.”
“You’re going to be able to carry me all the way?”
“All the way,” Dan decides.
(It was indeed not all the way but it was fun while it lasted.)
4
The fourth time, Dan realizes that he won’t be able to make it to the gym. So, he tries to find realistic alternatives all around the house so he doesn’t have to feel guilty of skipping a day.
Of course, he has done everything but the squats.
“Anything left on your list?”
“What do you mean my list? That’s not a grocery shopping list, Phil.”
“I don’t know how it’s called,” Phil laughs, “I’m not a gym bro.”
“Who do you call gym bro?” Dan asks, almost offended but amused. “I’ll show you what’s a gym bro,” he teases him.
“Oh no, oh-”
But it’s already too late, Dan is already lifting him on his shoulder and right in the air.
5
The fifth time, they are on the podcast studio, recording another episode. It’s already over but they are messing around and they don’t really are in a hurry to go back home. They are just having a good time.
Dan doesn’t really know what possesses him in the moment. Maybe it’s Phil’s charm in the moment or just because he feels like he has to do something. That’s just the way his brain works. He just goes for a Phil squat without warning anyone.
“Woah,” Phil blinks, “what was that for, Danny boy?”
“I don’t know, Phil,” Dan shakes his head. “I just felt the urge to do it.”
“Jeez, go get a room.”
+1
Sometimes, Phil just pretends that he doesn’t like it because he likes to bait his boyfriend a little bit. That’s just who they are together. They want to have fun, they are unhinged and unapologetically themselves. That’s how Phil always felt when he was with Dan. It’s the whole reason why they are attached to each other and that their relationship has survived so many lifetimes.
It's not that he is terrified of the squat, it’s more the element of surprise and being lifted off the ground.
But that’s how he always feels with Dan: defying any gravity and living in their own reality. At least, that’s how he likes to see it.
One evening, they are just randomly laying down in the living room, watching another episode of Buffy when Phil realizes that it’s been a while since Dan teased him with a Phil squat. And he just wonders why it’s that.
“What are you thinking, Phil Lester?”
“What?”
“Stop looking at me like that. What’s on your mind?”
Phil blinks for a couple of seconds. “Well...” he stops himself.
“Well...?” Dan frowns.
“You haven’t done it in a while.”
“Done what in a while? Why are you so mysterious about it?”
Phil feels his cheeks turning pink. “... the squat, Dan.”
“The squat? The...” Dan interrupts himself, realizing what Phil is all about. “You want me do to a Phil squat?”
Phil scratches the back of his head. “Well, it’s been a while. It does indeed scare me but I still enjoy it.”
“And... why is that?”
“I never told you?”
“You must’ve but I’m sorry, I must’ve forgotten.”
“Well, you know, I’ve never been used to have someone to just lift me so easily since I’m quite tall so...”
Dan has the biggest smirk on his face at this point and Phil doesn’t have to look at himself in a mirror to know that he is blushing like a dumb teenager.
“So... are you willing to do it?” Phil asks in the lack of respond of his partner.
“Come here, you idiot,” Dan pulls his collar by the hand to Phil is closer to his face, “it will be my greatest honor to lift you up physically...”
“Oh god...”
“... and spiritually,” Dan then does to kiss him.
Phil smiles under him.
“Get up now.”
When Phil does, he doesn’t have the time to think about anything that Dan is already pulling his move.