Chapter Text
"Huh, what?"
Sasappis asked this question with no emotion, scoffing at the words, hoping that he had heard wrong. But the more he stared at Carol with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open, the more reality began to set in on him.
"Look," Carol began, clasping her hands and avoiding eye contact with Sass, "you're a very nice young man, and in my youth I probably would have gone through with this. If not for Flower, than for you. But I just can't. You're first time with sex should be with someone you like and who likes you. I'm not either of those things. Anyway, I'm more interested in that British hunk, Baxter, you know?" She finished talking with a conspiratorial wink and pump of her elbow.
He could only stare, mortification freezing his face. Carol seemed to be looking at him with some level of understanding, but he was struggling to find the words to address this situation. Sasappis stuttered out a few sounds before finding his voice. "Whaaaaat? First time having sex? Pff, I have had sex, so many times, you wouldn't believe it. I'm pretty sure I counted 41… Yes, that is how much sex I have had. 41. So, don't worry about it."
Carol only gave him a look, patted him on the shoulder, and moved to walk past him to the other room. His shoulders slumped as he let out a disappointed sigh. She paused before walking through the doorway, raising a hand as if to say something then deciding against it, leaving Sasappis alone.
He stood there, staring at the floor, his hands desperately holding onto each other. His nails were digging into his skin yet he could feel nothing but the trembles working their way through his body. His legs locked into place and vision blurred over, nothing running through his mind other than they found out. His breathing came to a standstill. Sass could hear the commotion in the house, various people yelling and Sam running herself ragged through the house trying to appease even a single ghost.
A crash and desperate call for Sam from Jay broke Sasappis out of his head. He shook the feeling off, forcing himself to focus on what Carol had said. Flower had set this up. Only one person could have told her that he had never had sex, someone he had sworn to secrecy.
With his mind decided, Sasappis went to have a little chat with Thor.
~ ~ ~
"What the hell, man!" Sass exclaimed as he did his best to storm into the room Thor was in. He lost some effect by not being able to slam the door and Thor not finding anyone smaller than him intimidating, but it got the point across. It was a miracle Thor was by himself, which Sass had made sure to check on before bringing up any part of this conversation.
"Friend! Why are you angry at late hour?" Thor asked, simultaneously appearing nervous and unbothered.
Sasappis could only scoff at this before he started to raise his voice at Thor. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because you broke my trust! You told me you wouldn't tell anyone. But how is it that both Flower AND Carol know that I've never had sex?! Huh?! Cause I can only think of one way right now, and that's you!" He growled the last word, shoving a finger into Thor's chest. Thor finally had the heart to show shame for what he had done, but was hesitant to speak up.
"I trusted you, and this is how you show it?" Thor would not look Sasappis in the eyes, but rather stared over his head when he said this, voice full of hurt and betrayal.
"I promise Flower no more secrets. That include yours."
"Yeah? Well it shouldn't have!" Sass turned sharply and left the room, his footsteps so forceful it felt like the Livings should be able to hear them.
Without paying attention to where he was going, Sasappis quickly found himself surrounded by Sam and most of the other household ghosts. They all stared at him, concern on most of their faces. Sass stopped when he found himself to be the subject of all of their stares and carefully looked at each of them. As he tried to make eye contact with even one of them, they each turned to look at each other, avoiding the angry expression on his face. All of them, except Trevor. He wore a shit eating grin right before he started speaking, amusement playing with his voice.
"Soooo," he started, dragging out the word, "a little birdy told me one of the ghosts has never had sex before? Who do you think it is Sass? My money's on Pete." The grin never wavered from his face.
"Wait, someone's never had sex? That's so sad," Flower added, cutting off Pete's attempted objection. "Oh! They could join me and Thor, we're still looking for our third!" Sasappis face twitched while she said this. Flower jumped up and down in possible excitement, looking at each ghost trying to figure out who it was.
"I don't know and I don't care," bit out Sass, trying to push himself out of the room, but meeting resistance when someone grabbed his wrist. Turning to look back, he saw Pete, concern and sadness on his face. Sasappis stilled for a moment before pulling his wrist out of Pete's grasp and leaving the room, trying to find some place to be alone.
~ ~ ~
It wasn't long before the only gossip to be heard throughout the mansion was that of Sasappis and his lack of sexual experience. Sam tried to approach Sass to comfort him in whatever convoluted plan she had thought up, but he left through a wall before she could get a word in. Every conversation seemed to have some joke at his expense over this sprinkled in; or hammered in if Flower or Trevor were present. Even Pete (Pete!), the normally mild mannered and trying to be nice to everyone Pete, had joined in on the endless teasing, even if he did it with more sadness than the others.
"Wait, so even when you were dating Jessica you couldn't get laid! Bro, I could have done that in hours!"
"I mean, I know I can be a bit of a square, but come on! Even though Carol was cheating on me, we still had a decent sex life. At the beginning."
"Hah! Even Isaac has had more intercourse than Sasappis, and he did not admit that he was not interested in women until a few years ago!"
"Oh honey, I've been murdered more times than you have had sex!"
"I mean, it is kinda weird, Sass. I mean, I had sex with multiple boyfriends before I got with Jay."
"I don't think I've ever met a virgin before. Or if they were, once they joined the cult it didn't stay that way for long."
"Okay, that is ENOUGH!" Sass yelled, finally snapping. "I have had it with all of the jokes, and teasing, and concerned looks. Yes! I've never had sex before! I get it! You think I haven't tried! So if you all could just leave me the fuck alone and stay out of it, that would be great!"
"But Sass-" Sam started.
"NO! Or do you want me telling Jay about what really happened in the kitchen last week!"
Sam looked down in shame, deciding to drop the subject for now. Breathing heavily with an empty feeling in his chest, Sass left the house, leaving everyone staring in his wake.