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Steel and Stupidity

Summary:

A collection of TF2 AU oneshots for mat_picmip -10
Can be n/sfw

Notes:

Chapter 1: Introduction

Chapter Text

Walking down the streets of your town/city, you notice a weird hum in an alleyway. Upon coming around the corner, some machine teleports you to a busy room filled with erotic calendars of June 1968, smell of cheap alcohol, and voices and sounds of people playing card games around the tables.

First table is filled with men in red and brown clothes:
Jeremy Willis, a nineteen year old arrogant Bostonian;
Jane Doe, a rough, forty two year old man from Mission, Kansas;
Phoenix Aiden Moorel, an autistic schizoedic arsonist and the Devil's son, who is non-binary and from Ciudad Acuña;
Tavish Finnegan DeGroot, thirty two year old gloomy demolition expert with alcoholism and biased dislike towards Ullapool;
Mikhail Sokolov, forty five year old Siberian mountain of a man;
Dell Conagher, a forty eight year old cowboy mechanic from Bee Cave;
Herbert Ludwig, a forty seven year old, unlicensed mad scientist from Stuttgart;
Mick Mundy, a twenty three year old marksman from Adelaide, though he looks twice his age due to taking word sunscreen as an insult;
Pierre Willis, a smooth forty six year old Frenchman from France.

Other table is filled with people in blue and black clothes, though air around them feels much colder than the first:
Jack Davis, a twenty four year old footballer from Detroit;
Richard Roe, a forty year old soldier wannabe with mosaic down syndrome from Leesburg (Virginia);
Keplar, an alien from the planet of Kepler-70;
Lorcan Balor, a petty thirty six year old Doctor of Science in chemistry from Rosslare;
Oleksandr Kravchenko, a fifty one year old bodybuilder from Pidhorodnie;
Ray Johnson, a gentle forty nine year old woodcarver from Cottonwood (Arizona);
Vito Esposito, a cold forty one year old doctor from Pienza;
Lachlan Smith, a twenty five year old traumatized stockman from Silverton (Australia);
Valentin Ramirez, a flirty fifty year old sneak from Daimús.

In the corner, away from everyone, are two tables combined, with less people together than at just one of previous tables, bigger set in yellow clothes:
John Stiles, a forty three year old military reject from Radcliff with temporal lobe damage that affected only his emotional regulation;
Caswyn Kenver, a thirty three year old pirate from Falmouth;
Jett Corbett, a thirty nine year old man from Pahrump, who... Currently eats a napkin to "test it's structural integrity";
Reynard Geel, a thirty seven year old anatomist from Leuven;
Norin Beck, a thirty one year old baker with a rifle from Banana (Australia);
And the lesser set of men in green clothing:
Robert Noakes, a twenty eight year old discharged soldier from Normal (Illinois) trying to recruit a ficus;
Chad Colter, a smug thirty year old prick from Kanab;
Marcus Kerr, a thirty four year old sniper from Broken Hill.

Hooh, it's gonna be an interesting while...