Work Text:
Mabel Pines was not a good person.
She was selfish. Tiring. She had started the apocalypse, for Pete's sake!
But she made sure she got what she deserved. She couldn't truly fix everything--even if she had a Time Tape and managed to prevent the apocalypse, that wouldn't work. That couldn't change how over the course of her 14 years, she had been annoying, loud, and exhausting, everything she did to bring people closer only making them step away--but she did what she could.
She had no way to change the past. So she did what she could to stay humble in the present.
Which is why she now relished the drag of the pocket knife against her skin, not yet cutting it. It wasn't particularly sharp, but so long as she dragged on the same spot
again,
and again,
she could cut properly. It still wasn't as deep as she'd like, she was too much of a coward for that. But the cuts would scab up darker, with some redness around the area for a few days. She'd take what she could get.
She pulled the knife against her thigh again, still in the same spot.
This time she pulled it sharply, trying to see if it would bleed more that way. It did help, somewhat. But it wasn't enough. It never would be.
She'd cut in more places, but she didn't want her family to see it.
She'd cut deeper, but her knife was too dull, and herself too cowardly.
So she did what she could. In her sessions, she cut as deep as she was able, as much as she could stand. If only she did it as much as she deserved.
But no matter. She just focused on the blade, the same spots again and again, marks that would scab and hurt when touched for the next few days.
She just focused on the blade...
Again
And again
And again
And again.
The more marks, the better.
The deeper, the closer she was to... she wasn't sure.
Salvation? Peace? Fixing her problems?
She may not have a clear end goal, but that was okay.
She didn't need one to bring the knife to her flesh.