Archive of Our Own

The first time it happened Joey was nearly fifteen. Technically that made her fourteen, but she preferred to round up with both her friends being older. Her age was  really neither here nor there, because she was in the full throes of adolescence and she blamed what happened on that. 

Pacey Witter was an ass. She knew this, others knew this, even Pacey knew this. He took infinite pleasure in his ass like behaviour. He would tease a person, and by person it was her, always her, in all the ways and about all the things most guaranteed to get under their skin. At fourteen, nearly fifteen it was her new boobs - not quite big enough in her opinion - and his apparently. Had she finally gotten her period? Why spend all her time living in fictional worlds? Was she trying to be Dawson? She wasn’t interesting. She was boring, uptight, a prude. Irritating and annoying. It was pointed jokes and teasing, and she gave as good as she got, she learned early on the only way to respond was in kind. Why was his voice still so squeaky? Hadn’t his balls dropped yet? He was a slacker, a pervert, a moron. They were kids, teasing each other about sex stuff,  a topic they knew next to nothing about. Cretin. Bite me. Ass. Prude. Ice Queen. Moron. Butt plug. Stupid. She hated stupid the most. Him calling her stupid, her calling him stupid, both of them vying for Dawson’s attention. Joey wondered if she only wanted Dawson’s attention because Pacey did and the competition for it was so much fun. 

Pacey had just hip checked her out the way as he explained to Dawson why filming Monster from the Deep all summer long was a waste of time when all the cute girls in bikinis - here he’d shot a pointed look at her and her bikini top, were at the beach. 

“You’re such a pervert,” she’d rolled her eyes, “and if you want to go off to the beach and leave us alone, listen to the inner perve Pace.”

“Don’t listen to her Pacey, I need you both,” Dawson shot her a chastising look. 

“No, no Dawson, there are half naked girls to be ogled, just waiting for his discerning eye to glance over their new breasts,” she protested.

“Well you’re not wrong,” Pacey shrugged easily, unperturbed. 

“They don’t want your eyes on them numbskull,” she whacked the back of his head, both she and Pacey following Dawson through the too narrow doorway to his laundry room. Their bodies collided together in a mess of limbs and torsos, quite an inelegant stumble, her thighs pressed together around his as they awkwardly crashed, his chest bumping her arm and his thigh jamming up higher between her legs. There was zero indication of what was about to happen. One minute they were arguing and then his thigh jammed up between hers and without warning an orgasm flooded through her, just from the pressure between her legs. It was warm, and tingling and so overwhelming she thought she might pass out. She knew it was the culmination of too much sexual awareness that had accompanied her surging hormones and no release for them, but it was glorious and horrific all at once. She sucked in a breath and the moan she didn’t mean to make became a groan of distension aimed at Pacey. 

“Get your too big body away from me. You never heard of manners? Ladies first and all that?”

“Show me a lady and I’ll find my manners,” he snarked back with a grin apparently unaware of the impact his thigh had wrought. He scrambled away from her.

“You’re such a cretin,” her arms folded across her apparently inferior chest, covered by the triangles of fabric. The action pushed them up, creating a cleavage Joey hadn’t seen before. Then Pacey’s eyes dropped to it. 

“Wow,” she bit out uncrossing her arms. “You reprobate. Don’t look.”

“Look at what?” He bantered back gamely. “Like you have anything to look at.”

“Thank god if it keeps your eyes off me.”

“My eyes can go where they please,” he scoffed, allowing them to drop once more to her chest. “Doesn’t mean they like what they see.”

“Bite me,” she scowled and ran away, out to the dock, her body still reeling with the heat of her release, the unexpectedness of it. She’d never had an orgasm before. Hadn’t even tried to make that happen. She hadn’t even considered trying. She’s leafed through a Cosmo over at Pacey’s one day, but didn’t really get what an orgasm was or how to achieve one. She hadn’t really understood anything much about it except for what Pacey and Dawson thought they were subtly joking about.  It seemed a bit easier for boys to figure that stuff out. They’d get an erection and it would be obvious. She hadn’t expected it. And a thigh! Pacey Witters thigh?!? One thing she had heard was that men came easy and women didn’t. That had been pretty fucking easy. And amazing. Such an unexpected warmth and euphoria she hadn’t even been able to bask in. And Pacey? Of all people. No way he could ever find out. 

So she kicked up the defensiveness and the irritation, so much so that by her fifteen birthday he’d actually shot her a confused look at the derision emanating from her. 

“Did I do something?” He asked looking confused after she’d called him depraved for suggesting they play spin the bottle at her party, the twenty or so kids attending more than keen. He’d been all cocky and confident, teasing her, making fun of her lack of experience. He’d cornered her in the kitchen. 

“Nothing worse than usual,” she scathed. He could never know. 

“I know there’s someone you want to kiss,” he sang and let his gaze float to Dawson. The flipside to being meaner to Pacey, avoiding Pacey, was being nicer to Dawson, acting like he was who she wanted to be with - meaning everyone assumed she had a big old crush. 

“You’re deluded,” she scowled, filling the words with vitriol. 

“Or maybe you are,” he teased and she hated him. “If you’re too chicken for spin the bottle say the word and we don’t have to play.”

“Since when have I ever been scared of anything?” She grumbled, heading for the already formed circle and taking a seat next to Dawson, Pacey catching her eyes mockingly a moment later from across the circle. 

The game was funny and daring when the bottle wasn’t pointing at you. And it hadn’t pointed at her. Not once since they’d begun 20 minutes earlier. But now it was her turn to spin. Which meant her first kiss was about to happen. She’d watched Dawson smooch with two girls, feeling uncomfortable. Watched Pacey smooch with one and felt enraged. Now it was her turn. She spun the old glass Diet Coke bottle and waited. Pacey. What the actual fuck. She looked up and saw him holding in laughter. She fucking hated him. 

“That’s disgusting,” she shook her head, arms crossing. She saw Pacey look at her meagre cleavage and smirk and her arms unfolded. 

“There are rules toots, bottle points, you kiss.”

“Consent is still real,” she rolled her eyes.

“You too scared? Worried you won’t know how? I can lead,” he teased, everyone watching the interaction with rapt attention. She hated all eyes on her. Everyone looking. It was no secret they fought and she hated the idea of being top of the gossip pile again. 

“I’m not scared and of course I know how,” she stood angrily and for a second Pacey looked scared. “I’m not kissing you in front of everyone,” she glared and no one thought to disagree with her when she had wild eyes, foot stomping and was the birthday girl. Pacey stood looking scared. Dawson was howling with laughter. “You know you look scared,” she sassed at him. “Worried you can’t perform without an audience?”

“You’re the most frustrating woman alive! I am not worried about anything,” he steeled himself and marched across the circle, through the gap she’d left, grabbing her hand and pulling her from the room and into the corridor. “Here private enough for you, Princess?” he rolled his eyes. 

“Sure,” she concurred, but kicked the living room door shut. 

“Better?” He arched a brow and she nodded, suddenly realising what they were supposed to do. 

“Not really,” she swallowed and he seemed to take uncharacteristic pity on her. 

“We can lie. Say you did it.”

“Why? You think I’m too much of a little girl to actually do it?” She frowned.

“I’m told I’m repulsive,” he offered.

“You know that’s not true,” she rolled her eyes. “Repulsive to me,” she clarified with a smidge of challenge in her eyes.

“Right, so if this is too much…”

“You think I’m scared,” she scoffed.

“I think you’ve never kissed a boy before,” he told her blue eyes locked on hers.

“How would you know,” she crossed her arms, boobs pushing up and cleavage peaking out of her top. His eyes dropped. “Stop looking,” she snarled. 

“See! That’s why you’re too chicken shit, because you can’t even cope with me looking at you.”

“Not like that,” she infused her words with disgust. 

“So you’re a girl who wants to be seen as one, but hates it when people see you as one?”

“When you do,” she clarified and a flash of hurt flickered for a second across his face. 

“Because I’m repulsive,” he nodded with understanding.

“To me.”

“Right. Got it. So what you’re saying is you’re too repulsed to kiss me? Not scared at all.”

“Right,” she nodded biting her lip, nails digging into her palms. 

“Because if you were scared, I could just kiss you, you know - make it easier.”

“Repulsed,” she gave him a dirty look. 

“How about you swallow it down and we kiss so we can go back in there?”

“Yuck like I’m swallowing anything to do with you.”

“That’s your dirty mind not mine,” he grinned. 

“I thought I was a prude,” she shrugged her shoulders.

“If the shoe fits,” he shrugged back. 

“What happened to just telling people we kissed?”

“You called me repulsive,” he said. 

“And maybe I’m scared.”

“You never kissed anyone?”

“And you had, before tonight?” She looked at him pointedly, looking at his blush. 

“Well no,” he looked up, “but I’m a fast learner.”

“Maybe I’m not?” It slipped out. 

“Jo. I’m going to kiss you. If you’re not wanting that kiss to be saved for someone special.”

“I’m not some sappy romantic,” she scoffed.

“But you’re not without sentiment,” he pointed out.

“I don’t care,” she hedged and tried not to panic when he stepped closer.

“Really? Because I don’t want to do this if it’s gonna mess with some romantic notion you may have about anyone else.”

“Pacey, just kiss me,” she grumbled, regretting it when he stepped even closer, his hard boyish body, wearing too much deodorant, that smelt too good, pressed against her body, her back hitting the wall. Her eyes fluttered closed and a thumb brushed across her chin and down her neck and then lips were against hers, quite the weirdest most lovely sensation, and it was soft, like butterfly wings, as a warm hand landed on her hip, her mouth opened - she’d never been touched like that and at the parting of her lips Pacey’s tongue slipped into her mouth, tangling with her tongue in a battle usually fought with words. The sensation made her whole body flip flop and she burned between her legs, the feeling only sated when he shifted closer and his obvious attraction pressed in just the right place. Her hand found his shirt and she scrunched the fabric tightly, and his hips moved against her and all at once she came undone. A small whimper she tried to stifle, swallowed into their kiss. She flushed with embarrassment and pushed at him. 

“Pacey, no need to maul me,” she snarked.

“I wasn’t mauling you,” he protested but took a step back. “You kiss good,” he was staring at her lips and she flushed at the unexpected compliment.

“I think that was all you,” she admitted and it was his turn to blush. “Let’s go back.”

“Give me a second here,” he mumbled and she felt a surge of power at the effect she’d had.

*******

The third time it happened was around 6 months later and was different. She and Pacey hadn’t changed much though their interactions were charged. Jen had somehow joined their group and she and Dawson were a thing. Joey was admittedly threatened - the whole best friend versus girlfriend thing not sitting well with her. She’d lost a lot of people and Jen obsessed Dawson wasn’t particularly interested in her. She was just a sounding board for his romantic fantasies. She was not of romantic interest to anyone, just someone who had always been around. Her faux crush had grown, because the harder she hated on Pacey, the more it seemed like she was into Dawson, because she focused her energy on him and her frustration at Jen. Then came the snails and Pacey’s wonderful idea to put them together, resulting in them wading through freezing water. So not a turn on. Though apparently it was for him. She saw his eyes flick to her in the truck mirror as she stripped off her wet clothing, but pretended she hadn’t. The carnival had been fun, borderline date-like, so she snarled at him. Unperturbed he’d kissed her. Confused, surprised and attracted. No one was ever attracted to her. But Pacey stepped into her space, placed a hand on her waist and kissed her. She meant to push him off. She really meant to, but her damn body thought kissing Pacey was a fan-fucking-tastic choice, it clearly remembered and wanted that elusive feeling, and betrayed her by moving closer. When she didn’t push him off his hand found the skin between her shirt and pants and his tongue found hers and the beat between her legs, the swishing in her stomach were unbearable. He heard the soft moan, she could tell because it made a noise come from him - deep and sexy and all for her, and all of a sudden she was being lifted onto the edge of the deck and Pacey’s body was between her legs. All of a sudden he seemed to realise what he’d done and he stopped kissing her and put a little space between them. 

“Shit, Jo I’m sorry,” his cheeks were pink, but she just stared at him out of hooded eyes and couldn’t think of a response. He read her eyes well enough. “Or I’m not?” he queried cautiously before moving closer and putting his hand back on her waist, smoothing fingers over her skin. Eyes flicking to hers, he leant in and kissed her again and her hands looped behind his neck and she moaned again as his hard on pressed tight against her. 

“Fuck,” he cursed into the kiss which became heated and less controlled as his hips moved against her. She loved that feeling, that build up she’d struggled to recreate herself. It was so much better when it was him rather than her inept fingers and she clung to him, kissing him harder, hands clutching at his t-shirt until it happened. Everything becoming centred to where he was moving against her, until the magical, euphoric feeling bloomed from there and throughout her body, a noise coming from her she hadn’t meant to make, but seemed to drive Pacey crazy as he thrust harder against her, sending her body into a second orgasm, as his first seemed to roll through him. She held onto him, her teeth surprisingly in his shoulder. She didn’t recall when she had stopped kissing and began biting. She didn’t care as the high had yet to leave her system. And then it did. And she realised what she had done and with who and that there was no hiding this third and fourth orgasm he’d caused. 

“That never happened,” she tried to sound firm, harsh even, but he gave her a slightly cocky smile, clearly dazed and wearing an expression of something like awe.

“But it did,” he pointed out. 

“Hormones,” she declared and he frowned.

“I like you.”

“Hormones and fatigue and an admittedly date like evening,” she was triumphant. 

“I like you,” he reiterated, slowly, enunciating the words.

“You only think you like me,” she explained.

“What? No?” His brow crinkled adorably and she hated herself. 

“Yes,” she insisted, shuffling sideways and off the deck.

“No,” he shook his head. “I like you because…”

“Of hormones and the date like nature of the carnival,” she finished for him. 

“Right,” he nodded. “Just a hormonal meltdown.”

“Exactly,” she breathed out in relief, ignoring the hum between her legs. 

“And if it wasn’t…” he began but she glared at him. 

“Don’t go getting any stupid ideas. This never happens again,” she nearly stomped on his foot for good measure, but stomped up the stairs instead, not brave enough to risk Bessie’s wrath by slamming the front door. 

Inside she leant against the closed door, one hand finding her kiss bruised lips, the other ghosting between her legs. Fuck. 

*********

Alcohol made her amorous. She hadn’t realised that, but it made her want affection and want to give affection. Pacey had brought her to the dumb beach party having convinced Bessie she needed a night off and she really did. She wasn’t expecting him to hang around her like a bad smell, but he was chatty - talking, teasing, asking her questions and she was having a good time, drinking far more than she aught to. He kept joking about the people in attendance, pointing out a tall blond with longish hair and a vague resemblance to Tarzan. He made some joke that made her laugh and seemed incredibly pleased with himself. She found her eyes locked in his and a thrum of desire roll through her. His eyes darkened.

“Hey guys,” Dawson approached them. “What are you doing here together?”

“Potter needed a break and I needed a date,” Pacey grinned.

“I’m not your date,” she rolled her eyes.

“I invited you to a party with me, you came, that’s a date.”

“It’s not a date,” Joey shook her head smiling at Dawson.

“I should hope not,” Dawson was frowning. “You two would be a disaster. I can state that with authority having had a front row seat to this,” he gestured between them. That irritated her almost as much as Pacey calling it a date.

“Disaster seems harsh,” Pacey scoffed a little.

“It would be a huge calamity for sure,” Joey agreed with a biting look at her nemesis who waggled his brows infuriating her and making her blush. 

“Well debacle or not, this girl is on the fiasco train,” Pacey slung an arm around her shoulders that she shucked off.

“We’re not on a date,” Joey knew she was bright red and she felt suddenly furious.

“Friends can go on dates,” Pacey pointed out gamely.

“We’re not friends,” Joey stomped her foot. “And you’re infuriating,” she poked him in the chest.

“Oh come on Jo, you love me!”

“You do nothing but bug me,” she growled downing her drink.

“As much fun as it is watching this debacle of a fake date, Jen just walked in…” Dawson’s eyes widened. 

“Go get your girl,” Pacey grinned.

“Be nice,” Dawson told Joey.

“Hey, what? Why are you saying that to me?” Joey frowned and looked at the smirking Pacey. “Oh shut up.”

“Let’s take a walk away from the alcohol,” he laughed and grabbed her arm.

“I can walk myself Pacey,” she snatched her arm away. “Where are we walking?”

“Away from everyone else.”

“Why?”

“You gave me a look. I thought….well hoped that you might want to kiss me?”

“I don't walk around thinking about kissing you,” she lied.

“Oh, ok then. Let’s head back,” he turned and she caught his hand without thinking. 

“But I am a little tipsy and when I’m tipsy you’re not bad to look at,” she pursed her lips and appraised his familiar face wondering why it suddenly looked so handsome. 

“You’re always good to look at,” he tugged at her hand bringing her closer. 

“You’re sooo annoying,” she grumbled as his arms wrapped around her waist, bringing their bodies flush, making her flush. 

“I know,” he pressed a kiss to her neck. 

“Just assuming I want to kiss you…”

“You have a look,” he informed her, smiling against the skin behind her ear.

“What kind of look?” She tried to sound haughty but it came out breathy as his hand smoothed over her ass and she felt him hard against her.

“Your eyes, they go kinda hazy and it’s like electric. You know the look.”

“Really?” She raised her eyes to him and she knew how she must be looking at him with the eyes he had just described.

“Fuck,” he huffed. 

“Can we sit?” She asked and he nodded, releasing her and then sitting beside her space between them. “Closer,” she mumbled and shifted closer.

“Joey?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we kiss?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “Like this,” she didn’t dwell on why she wanted what she wanted, just acted, sliding onto his lap so she was straddling it, meaning she was in control of the press of him against her. 

“Like this is good,” he mumbled into her mouth, tongue tangling with hers, hands pushing under her shirt and thumbs boldly swooping across her ribs. Her hips rocked and his loud groan wiped away any embarrassment or self consciousness until she wasn’t thinking, but moving in a way that drove herself crazy and seemed to be having a bigger impact on Pacey who had his hands on her hips, and couldn’t even manage to kiss her but instead had his face buried in her chest as he moaned. “Fuck…please come…please….”

“Yeah…” she dragged his face to hers by his hair and kissed him until it rolled through her, the delishishness she associated with Pacey, the feeling that made her head fall back and everything tingle. She loved the way it rippled through her, always so strong. When Pacey thrust up against her one last time, he sent a second wave through her as he groaned into the kiss, holding her hips firmly against himself. 

“This can’t be a date?” Pacey asked at length, face pressed into her shoulder.

“No, this embarrassing grope fest isn’t a date,” she scoffed clambering off of him. 

“Got it,” he nodded looking away. It stung. She liked his eyes on her.

“Let’s go drink some more,” she held out a hand and gave him a smile. She watched his eyes warm and a smile tug at his lips as he took her hand and let her pull him up. 

“You know Potter, this happens a lot considering how much you protest,” he held tight to her hand.

“Maybe if it didn’t feel so good,” she shrugged.

“You feeling good with others? Is this why you spend the night at Dawson’s so much?”

“Ewwwweee what, no,” she made a face shaking his hand off. “Is that what you think of me? You’re the pervert,” she stalked off heading for the drinks table, ignoring him calling her name.

“Joey,” he caught up to her by the bowl of punch. She ignored him. “I wasn’t judging…I just… didn’t like the thought and you like him and don’t like me and….”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“But I don’t want you thinking I think anything bad.”

“And what do you think Pacey?” She fixed him with a withering look.

“I think you say I’m repulsive, but your body says otherwise.”

“And I think you’re deluded,” she poked him in the chest. 

“I think you protest entirely too much for someone who came five minutes ago,” he grabbed her finger and bit it and everything inside of her swung all around. 

“I’d say bite me, but too late,” she smirked and downed her drink. She made to turn and stalk off, pretty confident he’d follow her, but she wasn’t a drinker and stumbled, Pacey catching her. Fuck.

“I think I should get you home,” he wrapped an arm around her.

“I’m fine, Pacey,” she grumbled, but wanted to sit down, standing up feeling entirely too exhausting with her legs made of lead as they seemed to be. “Maybe a nap? You’ll nap with me, right?” her brain was made of lead as well.

“Jo,” he was crouched beside her and she felt safe enough to close her eyes. 

************

Joey vaguely remembered the walk home with Pacey, his arm around her, him stumbling with her in his arms towards the end. She was on the couch and Pacey was tucking a blanket around her. 

“Thanks Pace,” she felt a surge of affection for him. 

“I’m sorry I asked about Dawson,” he was saying and she didn’t care.

“I mean I get it,” she suddenly felt understanding in her inebriation and Pacey was very, very cute. “I go on about him being my best friend and yes we share a bed, but I dunno, you have this weird effect on me, like everything is stronger. You know what I mean, Pace?”

“Yeah I know what you mean,” he said on the edge of the couch beside her and brushed her hair from her face.

“You’re so beautiful,” she murmured aware of her words slurring. She blinked trying to feel clearer but it wasn’t working. She felt so tired. 

“Jo. Let’s go on a date,” Pacey asked again, but Joey couldn’t have that. That would mean everyone would know how much she lusted after him.

“No, no this can’t happen again, Pace,” she insisted and tugged him close for a kiss. “Never again, ok Pace?”

“Ok Jo, never again," he kissed her one more time. “You sleep. I’ll put some Advil and water here ok?”

“Thanks Pacey. My hero,” she’d cooed, eyes shut. 

*********

Of course it happened again. The feeling was addictive so there was no way it wouldn’t. After a fall and winter of increased hostility, barbed teasing that seemed almost flirtatious. Pacey would look at her and she’d look at him, and they’d fight and bicker and so what if he sat closer. It just gave her more of an excuse to bitch at him. There was the stupid dance. Dawson infatuated with Jen, using her and Pacey as pawns in his elaborate plans, again. Andie, the peppy new girl, was insistent they go. Andie who seemed to think the sun shone out of Pacey’s ass. Andie who tried to argue with him like she did. It all pissed her off. So she drank the spiked punch, glared at everyone and stood like a wallflower. She’d said she was going to the restroom, not that anyone seemed to care except for Jack - new girls brother and Icehouse employee-  who needed to stop following her around. Pacey was waiting for her in the hall. 

“Come with me,” he held out a hand and she crossed her arms.

“Why would I go anywhere with you, let alone holding your hand?”

“Jeez Potter, can you stop being annoying for one second and just go with the flow for once?”

“No,” she bit out.

“Why is everything such a battle with you?” He sounded so frustrated.

“Where do you want me to go?”

“I wanted to tell you that you look beautiful and because I know you, I didn’t want to say it in front of everyone, because you get mad and feisty and blush and do that cute thing where you look down like it’s not true as you tuck your hair behind your ear…”

“Pacey,” she felt heat on her face, but resisted the urge to touch her hair.

“Do it,” he begged. 

“No,” she protested and he slowly reached out a hand and tucked a strand of hair for her, finger sliding down her cheek. 

“Did you drink the punch?” he stepped closer and her traitorous body began to pound and swish and roll.

“Yeah,” she nodded.

“Tipsy and hormones good enough excuse for you?” he offered and at her nod he kissed her. 

“Not here,” she protested and he widened his eyes.

“If you’d come with me...” he griped.

“That’s the idea,” she quipped and he laughed, eyes dark, grabbing her hand and pulling her to an empty classroom, kicking the door shut and pressing her against it, his whole body leaning into hers, his evident attracted tight against her, his hips moving and making her body crescendo up at an alarmingly fast rate, her own hips moving in time with his, his hands sliding under her top, a thumb brushing the underside of her breast, his groan of approval, the intoxicating tangle of his tongue with hers.  How was he so good at kissing? 

“Joey,” he groaned her name and it obliterated her as she gasped though her orgasm, marvelling at the way her limbs tingled and she wanted to slide to the floor. He held her up, thrusting a couple more times, extending the glorious sensation before his groan was muffled into her shoulder as he shuddered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he cursed softly and it turned her on. She had a problem. She’d never in her wildest imaginings have thought that Pacey Witter cursing into the skin of her neck would be an aphrodisiac, but the evidence was there. 

“You ok there, Pace?”

“A lot better than I was,” he admitted peppering soft kisses to her neck. “You?”

“All good,” she blushed. 

“Joey,” he wrapped his arms around her and squeezed and it made all these stupid dumb emotions flood through her. 

“Pacey, we should go back.”

“Yeah, right. Don’t want anyone to suspect we’re together.”

“We’re not together,” she clarified, feeling betrayed by the swell of affection she felt for him. 

“Oh I know,” he scoffed stepping away from her.

“It’s like you said, tipsy and hormones.”

“Jo…” it seemed like he might disagree and she panicked. 

“Tipsy and hormones,” she reiterated before turning irritably to the door and leaving. 

*********

It was a couple of months later when it happened again. There was another teen party, this one organised by Jen. This one was smaller, just Pacey, Dawson, Jack, Andie and Abby fucking Morgan. More of a hangout than a party, at Jen’s because Grams was away overnight at some Church function and the Leery’s idea of looking over Jen responsibly, meant sanctioning this get together. Abby was there because of Jen. Dawson was there because of Jen - still obsessed on and off, despite this weird new fixation with her. Joey knew her over focus on Dawson gave everyone the wrong idea, but it also gave everyone the wrong idea about her hormonal infatuation with his best friend. Pacey and her were there because of Dawson, and Jen’s stubborn determination to be friends with her. Or maybe they were there for the booze? Jack there because of her, she felt sorry for him still struggling to make friends and Andie was there because of Jack and because she clearly wanted to be wherever Pacey was. Joey hated everything. The way Dawson couldn’t leave Jen alone. He had to be careful not to pass from romantic to stalker. Andie kept flirting with Pacey, Jack was flirting with her and all of it was wrong, most especially because Abby was positively gleeful about all the dynamics.

She didn’t normally drink, but she didn’t care and was at least three shots down. If they were playing truth or dare, her with these people - she was drinking. And seething. She hated Andie. She hated Jen. She hated Jack pestering her. She hated Dawson being inappropriate with Jen and ignoring her. She hated Abby and her insightful eyes.

Most of all she hated Pacey. 

Of course Abby Morgan decided they were the perfect choices for Seven minutes in heaven, her dare to Pacey. Why did the dimwit always pick dare. Abby probably did it to maximise chaos, the choice immediately pissing off Dawson who liked to lay claim to anything Pacey had, Andie who clearly liked Pacey, Jack who clearly liked Joey, Jen who was pissed at Dawson’s reaction, as well as her and theoretically Pacey who looked more anxious than angry. 

“Not gonna happen,” she growled, arms crossing. At Pacey’s pointed glance she huffed and uncrossed them, clenching her fists instead. 

“A dare is a dare Joey,” Abby sang.

“It’s his dare,” she spat.

“In a game we’re all playing,” Abby pointed out. 

“Hey Abby, if she doesn’t want to…” Jen began and she scowled at the room. 

“Of course I don’t want to.”

“So you’re too chicken?” Abby crowed, not unlike wild fowl. She glared at everyone, arms crossing because who cared about Pacey looking at her stupidly small cleavage when she was going to have to go into Jen's tiny cramped closet with him. Fuck. 

“I’m not scared of kissing that cretin, just repulsed,” she glowered and her eyes flicked to Pacey who looked almost amused, anxiety clearly gone. 

“Great, up you get and off you go,” Abby cooed and amid Dawson’s protest, Jen’s surprised laugh, Jack's frown, and Andie's pout, she took Pacey’s hand and tugged him to the closet. The cramped space meant they were pressed up tight against each other immediately as the door closed plunging them into darkness. Her skin burned. Everything burned. 

“Seven minutes long enough for you?” Pacey’s voice was deep, husky, unbearably sexy.

“Long enough for what?” She scathed. 

“To come,” he asked, his warm hand at the waist of her shorts, his hard on pressed against her, as he bent forward and let his lips ghost over the skin of her neck. She goddamn whimpered and she could feel his smug smile against her skin. 

“Is it long enough for you to make me?” She challenged and he was kissing her, hard and dirty, hand splaying on her skin and tracking boldly to her ribs. She gasped at the sensation. No one had ever touched her with the same intent as Pacey and his fingertips tracking the skin felt wildly good, more confident than they had been in the classroom, even at the beach. Dawson had  tickled her. It had done nothing, no reaction in her body. Her body definitely reacted to Pacey touching. His hand edged higher and she moaned softly, a noise he swallowed into his kiss. 

“Can I?” he asked and a finger nudged the underside of her boob. 

“Mmmmm,” she agreed and his goddamn fingers slid under her bra, over her skin and brushed at the nipple, her hips instinctively trying to buck into his. 

“Fuck,” he cursed softly. It was everything. It turned her on and she felt pain, so strong was the throbbing between her legs. 

“There’s not enough room,” she mumbled. 

“Trust me?” he asked and she shrugged because she did, even if she hated him for being the one to illicit this reaction. Then his careful strong hands spun her in the small space so he was behind her and his lips pressed to her neck and his hand pushed down into her shorts.

“What…” she began to protest but then sighed as his lips sucked at her skin, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin. 

“You trust me,” he reminded her and his treacherous hand slid into her underwear. She felt self conscious for a second, because she didn’t know how girls were supposed to ‘keep’ down there but he didn’t seem bothered by hair, groaning and pressing himself into her as his fingers slid all the way down to where she was wet and wanting. “You’re so fucking wet,” he moaned as he nipped at her earlobe, her whole body thrilling with the sensation. Apparently being wet was a good thing. He ran his fingers over her several times, his hips moving against her in the limited space before his fingers dragged to where she wanted them. He took a few seconds, feeling around and when he hit her clit she moaned. He began to rub tight circles, his lips torturing her, the hard on pressed into her ass turning her on, and his fingers driving her half crazy. It didn’t take any time at all, her body applauding her decision to allow Pacey access to it, swooping, pleasure emanating out from where his fingers were pressed to her. Rising up, up, up until she crashed and the euphoria washed through every part of her. “I fucking love it when you come,” he sucked at the skin of her neck. Without knowing what had come over her, she turned in the small closet and pressed her hand against where he was so hard, rubbing it against him feeling a surge of power at the guttural noise that come out of him as he shuddered. He kissed her again, thumbs brushing over her boobs and an aftershock flooded through her. His hands held her hips and the kiss slowed to something softer, sweeter. 

“Definitely seven minutes in heaven,” he murmured. 

“Oh please,” she attempted to scathe. “It was more like 6 and a half.” Pacey laughed and kissed her again. “You tell no one,” she growled into the kiss.

“Who would I tell?” He kept touching her and she tried to hate it but her body wanted more and more. 

“No one, that’s who.”

“Got it Jo,” he rolled his eyes.

“You better,” she murmured as his hands slid onto her ass and then the door opened and they were blinking against the light. Pacey suddenly seemed to realise where his hands were and that everyone was looking at them and pulled them away abruptly.

She felt her cheeks burn, especially at the look of horror on everyone’s face except for Jen and Abby. Abby looked scandalised and Jen looked intrigued. 

“Well you are getting better,” Pacey began glibly. “What I was working with at your birthday was not great, but I think I’m rubbing off on you,” he shot her a quick cheeky look.

“You’ll never rub anything off on me,” she fumed. “And maybe carry mints around Pace.”

“In case you can’t resist me?” He asked with a sunny smile. “Sure, sure. I know it’s hard.”

“As if. As attractive as you think you are is how repulsive you actually are,” she stomped back into the circle and sat down, huffing. His breath was always minty fresh and he always smelt good.

“Sure sure,” Pacey was unperturbed and why wouldn’t  he be when he knew exactly what he made her body do. 

“You’re so annoying,” she mumbled.

“That I am“ he agreed, eyes on her cleavage that had unwittingly arisen as her arms crossed. 

“You’re insufferable,” she glowered.

“He isn’t,” Andie said softly but Pacey was still looking at her.

“Nah, Jo’s right. I’m insufferable.”

“Pacey your turn,” Jack pushed. 

“Hmmm, ok Dawson...”

The game continued and when it was Abby’s turn she asked Andie if she wanted truth of dare. Andie said dare and Abby declared she was to have seven minutes of heaven in the closet with Pacey and Joey saw red. Her whole body burned with jealousy, at the thought of Pacey kissing Andie, touching Andie, being turned on by Andie, trying to make Andie come.

“Wow, so creative,” she scathed.

“If you ask nicely someone will send you back in there with me,” Pacey teased.

“I wouldn’t go back in there if you paid me,” she was so angry, so mortified. So fucking jealous. Territorial.

“If I paid you, I think it would be illegal,” Pacey quipped. “Come on McPhee,” he said to Andie and Abby gleefully shut them in the closet. 

Joey couldn’t just sit there so she went to the washroom and tried to fight the sudden swell of tears behind her eyelids. She didn’t care. So Pacey Witter could make her come. Big whoop. She didn’t care. Her brain flitted to an image of his hand up Andie's skirt and she wanted to scream. His fingers tracing the other girls thigh. She hated everyone. She hated everything. She wanted to go home so she unlocked the bathroom door, went downstairs, got in her rowboat and left. 

*******

When Joey arrived home Bessie was surprised to see her.

“What happened?” She asked as Joey promptly burst into tears. 

“Nothing at all,” she growled.

“Come here,” Bessie didn’t get up, but Joey sat on the couch with her and allowed herself to be hugged.

“I hate everything sometimes,” Joey sniffed.

“Is it Dawson?” Bessie asked and Joey stiffened.

“Oh my god no, Dawson is so Jen focussed what could he have to do with anything. Everyone is obsessed. Jack with me and I just want to be friends. Andie with Pacey. I don’t love Andie.”

“Is this about Pacey?”

“No. No,” she all, but yelled. “Nothing is ever to do with that doufus. He’s infuriating.”

“The best ones are,” Bessie smirked knowingly.

“I hate him. I hate Abby. I hate Jen. I hate  I hate all of them.”

“No you don’t.”

“Why do hormones make everything worse?”

“Joey, who are you hormonally talking about? Is there something I should know?”

“No nothing. I mean me, everyone. Before hormones everything was easy. Now Dawson is a borderline stalker, girls are throwing themselves at Pacey, like literally, and everything feels wrong. Especially the things that feel right.”

“What kind of feeling right are we talking about?” Bessie narrowed her eyes.

“Ugh Bessie. Not sex.”

“But sex stuff?” Bessie clarified.

“Yes fine. I’m nearly 16, I have to grow up.”

“Then you have to be protected in case.”

“I’m not going to have sex.”

“You and Dawson have been friends for years…”

“This is nothing to do with Dawson,” Joey scathed, embarrassed .

“Ok… you and Pacey have been friends for years…”

“It’s not about him either,” she squeaked turning bright red. 

“Ok….Jack is a new person in your life and…”

“Bessie I hate you,” she glowered and her sister laughed. 

“Seriously Joey, it’s supposed to be fun, getting to know your body. Just make sure it’s safe and don’t do anything you don’t want to.”

“Pacey calls me a prude. An Ice Queen.”

“Pacey is flirting,” Bessie rolled her eyes.

“No,” Joey shook her head.

“Yup,” Bessie nodded as there was a gentle knock on the door. Bessie pushed herself up and opened it to an anxious Pacey. “And speak of the devil…”

“I’m a devil huh? I guess that figures,” he nodded. 

“A cheeky one,” Bessie murmured, always having had affection for him. “I’m heading to bed. Don’t make noise. You wake Alex, you get him back to sleep.”

“Night Bess,” Joey pulled her knees up to her chest, arms wrapped around them.

“You left,” Pacey said from the doorway.

“I doubt I was missed,” she stared at her hands.

“You didn’t say anything to anyone,” Pacey shut the door and took off his coat and kicked off his shoes.

“You’re staying?” She gave him an angry look.

“Yup,” he nodded. 

“I left for a reason,” she scowled.

“Yeah, cos I went in the closet with Andie.”

“I don’t care what you do,” she shot back. “Go fuck Andie for all I care.”

“I didn’t kiss her. I didn't touch her either,” his voice brokered no room for argument. It was soft. It was sincere. 

“Why not? You’re a free agent,” she didn’t look at him. 

“Because I like the taste of your kisses on my mouth and the smell of you on my fingers.”

“That’s disgusting,” she huffed, but apparently he didn’t buy it.

“Maybe a little, but really fucking sexy,” he murmured and she looked up to see his eyes dark and lust filled.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she grumbled.

“Fair, we don’t have to talk about it,” he sat beside her, entirely too close and for a few minutes there was silence. “I wish I could have seen your face.”

“What?” She felt her heart hammer. “My face when?”

“When you came with my fingers on you.”

“You’re such a pervert,” she told him.

“Apparently,” he grinned easily. 

“Why are you here?”

“To see you,” he said simply. “To clarify about Andie.”

“You’re a free agent Pacey. Make out with Andie if you want to.”

“I don’t want to,” his fingers brushed against her arm. 

“Because I think she wants to make out with you,” she tried to ignore his fingers.

“So I should go at it with her in a closet just because that’s what she wants?”

“Or don’t. Like I said, you're a free agent.”

“Why would I make out with anyone who isn’t you when you make the noises you do, when your skin is soft like butter, when you turn me on so badly I can’t think? Why?”

“Because I loathe you.”

“Sure you do,” he nodded and she couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic. 

“You're insufferable,” she told him hastily as his hand smoothed up her arm and his thumb brushed along her jaw line. 

“Indeed, so you keep saying…” he agreed.

“You drive me crazy,” she mumbled, but the words were swallowed by his mouth on hers.

“I know,” he smiled into the kiss. Then she didn’t care to protest anymore because he was kissing her and pulling her body closer, until they were somehow entangled on the couch, her body beneath his and it had never felt as good before. She loved the weight of him, the feeling of his chest against her boobs, the hard length of him pressed right against that magic spot that was performing a conga dance of glee. Except his jeans were rough, the fly a little uncomfortable. 

“Take off your jeans,” she pleaded. 

“My jeans?” He stared at her. 

“Not for sex,” she flushed. “The zipper is uncomfortable… there,” she looked down at their bodies. 

“What if Bessie comes back?”

“She won’t. She sleeps when Alex sleeps,” Joey reassured and Pacey stood and pushed off his jeans. She stared at his erection, making a tent out of his boxers and it wasn’t funny, it was a turn on and for a second she wanted him to push it inside of her, to feel it slide in, inch by inch until she was so close to him it would stop the painful pulse of desire. After a second and way too little thought she shoved off her shorts.

“Fuck,” he swore and she swore he got harder or pulsed. After he spent a good minute looking at her,  before  his body was back on hers, nudging her thighs apart so he could slot between her legs and he could thrust up against her, soft groans and hard kisses accompanying every move. It felt beyond divine, like she’d die if he stopped.  “All I can think about these days is making you come,” he said as he kissed down her neck, nipping at her shoulder blade, hands pushing at her shirt and shoving her bra aside, before his head was ducking down and sucking her nipple into his mouth, his tongue swirling around it, and everything inside of her tightened and exploded. 

“Oh my god,” she moaned. 

“Don’t make me stop,” he begged, hips thrusting harder, faster. 

“No don’t,” she cooed as her body began to tighten again. “Please don’t,” her finger nails dug into his back and he lost control and she loved it, because the erratic bucking of his hips sent her flying. His groan was stifled and absorbed into the ridiculously sensual kiss. This time there was no one and nothing to break up the moment and she didn’t know what to say when he dropped to the couch beside her and drew her body close, arm tightly around her. It didn’t make her heart pound to be held like that, but it did feel good, stupidly so. He was tall and strong and she felt safe. But it was dangerous. It was Pacey.

“Pacey?”

“Yeah,” his hand starfished on her stomach and her skin tingled. 

“Why does this keep happening?”

“You tell me,” his deep voice and she felt him shrug. 

“I don’t know. It first happened when we were filming monster of the deep and we got stuck in the doorway,” she admitted, not knowing why. “Your thigh rammed up between my legs and my body just came undone. I’d never had it happen before. It felt so good.”

“Joey,” his voice was deep and she could feel him hard again. 

“The second time was my birthday, when we kissed in the hall. You barely touched me.”

“Joey,” he said her name again and his hand shifted down her stomach. 

“I don’t get it. You drive me crazy. You’re infuriating, frustrating - insufferable! You rub me up entirely the wrong way,” she paused, “and yet you rub me to the right way too.”

“Hormones,” he pressed an open mouthed kiss to her neck and her whole body swooped. 

“Yeah?”

“That’s what you told me.”

“I read in Jen’s Cosmo that women are supposed to take longer than guys. Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”

“No, god Joey. There is nothing wrong with you. You’re amazing. Can I tell you a secret?”

“Yes,” she pressed back into him ignoring his fingers playing with the lace trim of her underwear.

“Ms Jacob’s kissed me.”

“The English teacher?” she frowned trying to process it.

“Yes. She ahhh pursued me.”

“Perused you how?”

“After your second…ah coming,” he began and she turned fully in his arms and gave him a deep frown. 

“My second coming?” She arched a brow and he laughed. 

“I was trying to be serious,” he pressed kisses all over her face. 

“Sorry sorry. So she made a highly inappropriate and illegal move on you?”

“Yes. I mean I wasn’t exactly non-compliant. But kissing her didn’t feel like kissing you.”

“It felt like kissing your mom?” She asked still frowning.

“No,” he laughed again. “But my body didn’t do with her what it does with you.”

“You couldn’t get hard?” She pressed her body into him letting him know she felt it. 

“I’m a teenage boy - it wasn’t that,” he rolled his eyes, “it just wasn’t like this. I feel like I’m addicted to you. I didn’t want to do anything with her because I’d rather do it with you.”

“Don’t get any ideas Buster, we’re not doing anything,” she told him and he just looked at the wet patch on her underwear. 

“Don’t,” she chided moving her hand. 

“No Jo, you have no idea how much of a turn on that is. Don’t hide it, please,” he whispered the words against her skin and her hand trailed away from her underwear and onto his waist.

“So Ms Jacob’s wanted you and you just said no?” She tried to wrap her head around it. “Or are you making fun of me?”

“I wouldn’t. Not about this stuff,” he sounded so sincere but she frowned.

“Pace, you've made fun of me about sex stuff for years. I’m a prude an ice quee…”

“You absolutely are not. And what else was I supposed to say when you make my body go so crazy? I mean you and me - we’re not exactly top candidates for attraction so strong we combust.”

“I mean you don’t like me,” she wanted to feel her bare chest against his.

“And you don’t like me.”

“We should avoid talking.”

“I agree,” he began to kiss her and she pulled at his t-shirt. 

“Take it off,” she pleaded with him. 

“Jo,” he pleaded back. 

“What?”

“You drive me crazy. If I take off my shirt, your gonna take off yours and then I’m gonna feel you against me and we’re just wearing our underwear and it’ll feel so good and then we’ll be naked, in your living room and I’ll just press against you, and it’ll be so fucking hard not to want to push inside of you because you’re beautiful and sexy and you.”

She felt her cheeks heat up. She knew Pacey was hormonal and attracted to her enough that sex stuff occurred, but everything he was saying. That it felt better with her than a sexually experienced woman. That she was beautiful and sexy and that he’d want her. That he did want her. She didn’t understand the last bit.

“Explain the last bit?” She asked and he frowned. 

“You’re so beautiful. I don’t think you have any idea. You’re so beautiful it hurts to look at you sometimes.”

“Not that bit,” she bit her lip.

“The sexy bit?” He was kind of adorable when confused.

“The bit where you said I’m me. I don’t get it.”

“Joey,” he protested looking suddenly caught out. 

“What?”

“You’ve been in my life forever.”

“I know, annoying you.”

“Because I like you. I love your fire. I love fighting with you.”

“What?” She frowned. “You don’t care about me. I’m an irritation. Competition for Dawson.”

“Dawson is competition for you, you’ve just never realised it,” he shrugged.

“Huh,” she frowned. “So you’re saying you don’t hate me?”

“Of course I don’t hate you. Why would I keep asking you out if I did? I know how Dawson remembers the past and how you do. But all those stories you tell? I was there too.”

“What?”

“You and Dawson act like it was just you two. I was there growing up. I was there when your mom was sick, when she died, when your dad was arrested. I wasn’t as good at being there as Dawson, but you were my friend too. I hated everything that happened. Hated that you two would pretend like I hadn’t been there all along, acting like I didn't exist. I hate that I didn’t matter.”

“You matter Pace,” she said it honestly. “Of course you matter. And you were always there, it’s true. Dawson’s house has always been our sanctuary and I guess he likes to talk things through or when talking is too hard put on a movie. But you helped too.”

“I did?”

“Yeah. You infuriated me. And when infuriated I didn’t dwell on my grief. You made me feel again which when you’re numb from grief is no small feat.”

“I guess I’m still doing that,” he looked to where her hand was gripped to his hip holding him close. 

“Hmmm.”

“You’re special, to me, to Dawson, in general. Never sell yourself short or act like you don’t deserve the world.”

“Don’t be nice to me,” she scolded. “this is all confusing enough.”

“Fine fine, prude,” he grinned. 

“Still infuriating,” she scowled. “Are you staying?”

“I can stay?”

“Yes.”

“In your bed?”

“Yes. But I’m pulling it out into a bed and getting the covers.”

“Really?”

“Pacey,” she protested incessant questioning. It was annoying. 

“Won’t Bessie kill me? Or kill you?”

“We’re not going to have sex,” she scoffed and he surged in and kissed her, body rolling onto hers, legs pushing hers apart so he was moving against her, hand up her shirt and rough on her breast. And it was everything she needed, finding herself gasping into the kiss, hands fisting the back of his boxers, encouraging his drive against her, until she saw stars, an orgasm so wonderful she didn’t register his long groan as he bit down softly on her shoulder, her body still floating. 

“Pacey, we have a problem,” she mumbled. “I think I’ve come too many times. I can’t move. You have to move me and do the bed.”

“Joey,” he protested, but then stood, and scooped her into his arms, sitting her on the arm chair, before shifting couch cushions, pulling out the rickety contraption and making up the bed with her bedding. Then he lifted her and put her into the mattress. After a second he rummaged in her dresser and brought her underwear, pyjama pants and a tank. 

“You went in my underwear drawer?” She protested.

“Jo, I’m looking at you in your underwear. It looks…well it looks fucking sexy, all wet like that, but I figured you might want to change.”

“Will you help?” She didn’t know what was wrong with her.

“Oh hell no,” he shook his head. “If I take off your underwear I’m not gonna be putting anything back on and… fuck, Joey. Fuck,” he grumbled and she saw he was getting hard again, marvelling at her unexpected power over this boy. She felt high on it. 

“Fine,” she pushed her underwear off, fully aware of his eyes locked between her legs, his mouth slightly open, his cock straining against his boxers. She picked up the clean underwear.

“Please don’t,” he didn’t move his eyes. 

“Pacey,” she protested, his tunnel vision making her self conscious.

“You’re so unbelievably sexy. I’ve never seen a girl in real life. Not since we were kids, and…” he swallowed thickly. “It’s you.” 

“They’re a lot of trouble honestly,” she watched him as his tongue snuck out to moisten his lips. 

“No,” he shook his head. “Can I…” he gestured to the bed and she shuffled over. “Can I touch? Just a bit?”

“Ok,” she nodded. His hand went to her thigh, up high. His thumb knew where her clit was and he brushed over it. 

“I could feel it. You know it gets bigger when you’re turned on?”

“Really?”

“Not much, but yeah. It’s one of the ways to know I’m doing it right. Because I can’t see it.”

“Ahh,” she gasped as he dragged his fingers through her. 

“You’re so soft. Can I just…see how you feel inside?” 

“Inside?” She stared at him. 

“With my finger,” he clarified, fingers trailing back and forth through her, thumb rubbing circles. 

“Ok,” she wasn’t even sure what she was agreeing to because his thumb was so effective and watching, seeing it on her was like a magical aphrodisiac. He lay down beside her and kissed her. Then kissed her some more, then turned back to look at his hand, before she felt his finger at her entrance. He moaned and she felt all powerful. Reducing Pacey Witter, her nemesis to moaning mush with her vagina. It was clearly a secret weapon. But then his finger pushed inside and it was a relief, because she ached for him. 

“How does that feel?” he asked and she could only stare at him. How could she answer that? When she didn’t answer he rubbed at her clit and pulled the finger out and pushed it back in and her back arched off the bed. 

“Joey,” Bessie calling her name and Pacey’s hand whipped away lightening fast and he threw the cover over her and clearly panicking because he was in boxers and extremely turned on, he squirmed down beside her tugging the cover himself as well. She gave him a scathing look,

“Because that’s better?”

“Than her seeing my extremely hard cock and my fingers inside her little sister, yes,” he whispered it, tone irritated, but way to close to her ear so that it caused ridiculous sparks. 

“What’s up Bess?” She tried to act nonchalant, as if Pacey Witter were frequently in her bed. 

“What am I looking at here?” Bessie's eyes narrowed, hands on her hips. 

“He’s just sleeping over,” she rolled her eyes, hoping sass would be considered normal. 

“Yeah because that’s totally normal for you two,” Bessie scoffed. Joey prayed she wouldn’t notice Pacey’s jeans and her shorts.

“I uh had an argument with my dad,” Pacey attempted.

“Really?” Bessie’s head tilted. “You did?”

“I said he could stay,” She tried to smooth it over.

“For the record I don’t believe a thing either of you are saying and I’m not dumb enough to believe this is innocent,” she waggled a finger between the two, “I’ve seen the depraved way you look at each other. However, it’s midnight and Alex will be up in five hours, so shut up and sleep. And if you,” she pointed at Pacey, “lay another hand on her I will castrate you. The walls are not thick.” 

“I won’t. Scouts honour,” Pacey saluted and Bessie scoffed again.

“Scouts honour means nothing. You do it and I will never ever let you here again, so if you wanna continue whatever this is…hands to yourself.”

“I promise,” Pacey nodded and Bessie left. “Do you want me to go?”

“No,” she didn’t. She wasn’t really sure what she did want. “This was because of the alcohol,” she said and ignored the hurt on his face. 

“The alcohol, right. That and the hormones.”

“Right,” she nodded. “The hormones.”

“Jo,” he began turning on his pillow and looking at her. 

“Don’t Pacey. This is humiliating enough.”

“It’s humiliating? Doing this with me is humiliating?”

“Yes,” she burst out, mortified about her body’s constant need for him. 

“Right,” he sat up. “I’m going to go.”

“What? Why?”

“Don’t want to embarrass you further,” he said and stepped out of the bed, grabbing his jeans and pulling them on.

“Pacey,” she didn’t want him to go. She didn’t. But what was she going to say? Make me come? Put your finger inside of me again? I like you here. It was a truth universally acknowledged that Joey Potter and Pacey Witter did not get along. That they were chalk and cheese, thrown together only by their mutual friendship with Dawson. It wasn’t true. But how could she admit that?

“What?” He stared at her. 

“I don’t want you to go.”

“But my being here is one giant realm of mortification. Why would I stay? I kiss you because I want to. I touch you because I want to. I am close to you because I want to be.”

“Why do you want to? Isn’t it embarrassing to you too? The way our bodies react to each other? Like, it’s so base.”

“I want all those things because I like you. I told you that 6 months ago when we rummaged in the water for snails. Heck, I told you that tonight. But you insist - it’s hormones, convenience, date like activities, alcohol. I know why I kiss you and touch you and come over here when you leave parties unexpectedly. I don’t know why you kiss me, touch me and leave parties unexpectedly, but I’m beginning to suspect it’s just hormones. You like to come. Which is base. But there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m just not up for being the person to scratch your itch if you hate me as much as you say you do,” he said it all softly, but with passion. She stared at him. Her feelings were all a tangle. A mess.

“When you went in the closet with Andie, I was enraged. I saw red. I hated the thought of you kissing her. Touching her. Making her come.”

“I only want to do those things with you, Jo. She tried to kiss me and I told her I couldn’t.”

“I’m not like this,” she cast her eye downward. “I think sex means something. I think it should. Do you judge me?”

“What?” He frowned and sat beside her on the bed. “Of course I don’t judge you. Girls are allowed to like sex stuff. It doesn’t say anything about you that you do.”

“But I only like it with you,” she frowned. 

“Joey, what is so bad about liking it with me? Am I really so awful? I mean I know we banter but I kinda thought we were all talk,” he looked down. She could see the hurt, the shame, the self hatred.

“You’re not awful. And you’re clearly the opposite of repulsive. If I lied about the repulsive maybe… maybe I wasn’t entirely honest about the other stuff either.”

“Insufferable?”

“At times,” she admitted, “but no. I enjoy our insult slinging. You can be glib, Pace, and I love that. You lift life up sometimes - for everyone. But yes sometimes you’re insufferable.”

“Like when I stare at your gorgeous cleavage, but tease you about it?” he smiled.

“Yes!”

“Am I disgusting?”

“Really?” She gave him a look. “Are you just fishing, because clearly I don’t find you disgusting. I mean yeah when you eat popcorn, or get food round your face, but no not generally.”

“But this is humiliating?”

“My lack of control around you is, yes.”

“Would it be humiliating if it were Dawson or Jen?” his hand had snuck under the covers and was resting on her hip bone where she was completely naked.

“Yes. I’ve known you forever, Pace. Your thigh accidentally between my legs made me come. You rub against me and I come. You gave me so may orgasms tonight I lost count. It’s so humiliating.”

“It’s also fabulous. You know some people don’t orgasm ever? Some women take years.”

“Really?” her jaw dropped. 

“Yes, really.”

“Wow,” she couldn’t imagine her life without that feeling. 

“Joey. You don’t have to want to date me. You don’t have to have feelings for me. But I want to date you and I do have feelings for you. This can happen. That’s ok, but you have to at least like me. If it’s humiliating to you because it’s me specifically and I’m that abhorrent? I do have some standards for myself and I think doing this when you feel like that would be a really bad idea.”

“I want you to stay,” she said it again. 

“That’s not the issue here, Jo..”

“I get strong emotions, Pacey. I know I want you to stay. At the same time I know I’m mortified by how badly I wanted you to put your fingers inside me. And yes it’s partly because it’s you - you knew me when I was a little kid. You know so many parts of me. It’s surreal and embarrassing that I think about you having sex with me. That you rub against me and I want more and more. I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t know what to do with you being nice to me.”

“Well I can’t really call you a prude anymore,” he quipped and she began to laugh. 

“You’re going to have to get creative,” she put a hand behind his neck and tugged, bringing his face to hers for a kiss. 

“I can take this for what this is Jo, I can. If you can accept that I like you. But I do have to ask… are you feeling like this about anyone else?”

“No,” she shook her head. “Please stay.”

“Why do you want me to stay?”

“So many questions, Pace,” she griped. 

“Last one,” he squeezed her hip. 

“When you put your arms around me and hold me against you, I feel safe. I haven’t felt like that for years.”

“What about in Dawson’s bed?” Pacey’s thumb brushed across her bare hip.

“Pacey,” she protested with a roll of her eyes. “It’s not the same. He feels like my brother. I don’t feel unsafe but I still feel alone. 

“One more question Jo,” he pressed his face against her neck.

“If you must.”

“Can you put on some underwear? I want to come to your house again, I don’t want your sister to castrate me and I really, badly want to touch you. And keep touching you. So please?”

“Sure,” she smiled and reached for the underwear still on the bed beside her and managed to pull them on.

“Maybe your pj pants too?” His hand was already brushing softly between her legs. 

“Good plan,” she smiled and tugged them on. “We better not risk my sisters wrath,” she pulled his hand from between her legs and threaded their fingers together, turning so he was wrapped around her and she could snuggle back into his body.

She felt the press of his lips to her shoulder. She hated how much she loved it. 

********

The next morning Bessie shuffling into the living room with Alex woke them.

“Nothing going on my ass,” Bessie scoffed and Joey’s eyes opened, suddenly, abruptly awake. “Pacey Witter get your hand off my sister's chest,” her sister was firm and Pacey’s hand tried to whip out from her shirt, but got tangled in the bra it was pushed under and it stayed there twisting and turning against her bare skin. “Are you freaking kidding me?” Bessie glared at him. 

“Take a breath, Pace,” Joey told him, aware of how hard he was against her ass. 

“Sorry, sorry,” he mumbled and slowly removed his hand, fingers trailing over her nipple and causing her eyes to flutter shut. 

“Your virginity better be in tact little sis, and we are heading to planned parenthood so I hope you don’t have any Sunday plans, aside from that and the Icehouse.”

“Nope, none,” she mumbled. “But it’s unnecessary. We’re just friends.”

“If this is how you are as friends I’m surprised you’re not more popular,” Bessie rolled her eyes. “Out of bed and clothes on… when you’re able,” she shot a pointed look at Pacey, before stalking to the kitchen. 

“Why was your hand on my boob?” Joey hissed.

“Why was your ass pushing into my dick?” He hissed back. 

“Now she’s going to be watching us all the time,” Joey grumbled. 

“Joey?”

“What?” she huffed.

“You talk too much,” he pressed a quick kiss to her lips and smiled engagingly. She wanted to be mad, but she also wanted to kiss him more, so she did. 

“For the love of god, stop touching,” Bessie was apparently back. “What is wrong with you both? Actually no, don’t answer that. I’m going to turn my back and Pacey, you get out of that bed, jeans on and out of my house! I need to talk with my sister,” and Bessie turned her back. Pacey dutifully jumped out of bed and Joey found her eyes scanning him, loitering around his tented boxers. He gave her a look, full of longing before tugging on his jeans. He looked at Bessie and then back at her and surged in for a kiss before grabbing his jacket and shoes. 

“See you later Jo. Always a pleasure, Bess.”

“That boy?” Bessie stared her. “That boy?” She repeated gesturing to where Pacey had exited.

“It’s not a thing,” Joey attempted.

“So it’s just casual? You’re getting all close and personal and it’s casual?”

“That’s not what I mean. I mean nothings happening?”

“I didn’t interrupt nothing last night. And this morning! His hand was in your bra!”

“It just…I don’t know…happens.”

“How?” Bessie was unimpressed. 

“Look I’ll go to planned parenthood, but I don’t have to explain this to you!”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“Nooo,” she was vehement. 

“Are you sleeping together?”

“Noooo.”

“Do you want to?”

“Bessie,” Joey protested. 

“He’s clearly besotted with you. That’s been obvious for a long time…”

“What? No he isn’t? Obvious how?”

“He follows you around, he’s constantly looking at you, trying to get your attention. Oh my god the flirting. How is he always at the Icehouse?”

“It’s Dawson he’s following around, not me.”

“You’re deluded. That boy is everywhere you are, teasing, trading barbs, looking at you with those wanton eyes.”

“You remember the snails?”

“Yes?” Bessie waited.

“He said he enjoyed spending the day with me. Said he was confused, surprised and attracted.”

Bessie let out a bark of laughter. 

“Oh I love that boy! And what did you say?”

“Nothing because he kissed me.”

“And what did you do when he did that?” Bessie stared at her. Intently.

“I…may have opened my mouth and let the kiss become more of a kiss….”

“Joey! Do you like him? Like that? I thought you were into Dawson!”

“It’s like Pacey and I are magnets. It’s like…his body gets mine. We just kissed and yet…”

“And yet what?” Bessie frowned, waiting. Joey couldn’t say it and blushed fuschia. “What?? How? Just from kissing?”

“Bessie,” she looked down and pulled the covers over her face for good measure. 

“Pacey Witter made you come from kissing you?”

“I don’t want to have this conversation with you,” her voice was muffled by the covers.

“I’m not your mother. I’m your sister, we can have this conversation. I’m pretty sure you know how babies are made so I have experienced wisdom.”

“It’s so embarrassing…”

“He didn’t touch you?”

“I mean his hips were against mine and he moves and voila!”

“Voila,” Bessie echoed. 

“The first time he didn’t even kiss me…”

“Woah woah woah, what do you mean?”

“We were following Dawson we collided in that stupid small doorway to the Leery’s laundry room and his thigh rammed up between mine and…”

“Voila?” 

“Voila.”

“I don’t think it was his thigh was between your legs yesterday,” Bessie smirked, or Joey assumed she was. 

“Bess please don’t…”

“Ok, ok…but maybe decide how you feel because that boy is going to get his heart broken.”

“I’m not going to break anything,” Joey peeked out. “It’s just something that happens sometimes.

“Does it happen with anyone else?”

“Now you sound like Pacey. No it doesn’t.”

“Go shower, get dressed and we’re going to planned parenthood…”

“Bessie that’s over the top. We’re not going to have sex…”

“Joey, I saw you with him and I’m sorry but you’re deluded. That boy made you come with a thigh and with a kiss and it won’t be long before he’s going to be trying to do it with his penis…”

“I mean technically…” Joey smirked and Bessie’s eyes narrowed.

“I mean inside of you,” she clarified and Joey dutifully blushed. 

**********

“Hey,” Pacey slid onto a bar stool at the Icehouse that afternoon.

“Here to torment me?” She asked with a scowl and he just grinned.

“It is fun,” he nodded. “And I’m hungry.”

“Don’t your parents feed you?” Joey rolled her eyes.

“Not usually,” he shrugged good naturedly. 

“They don’t?” She frowned not liking that.

“That’s why I’m a master sandwich maker,” he smiled at her and she was surprised at the urge to kiss him. With a quick look around she leaned over the counter and did as she wanted, tangling her tongue with his. He looked confused, but thrilled. 

“Fries do ya?”

“I mean I can think of things I’d rather eat,” he joked leadingly.

“You’re such a pig,” she glared, putting in the order of fries.

“I think you love it,” he teased. 

“What’s she love?” Jen slid onto a bar stool beside Pacey and with a sigh Joey added another order of fries to Pacey’s order. 

“When I’m a pig,” he clarified to Jen and Joey rolled her eyes. 

“I do not.”

“How were you being a pig?” Jen asked and Joey’s eyes widened in warning at Pacey. Jen laughed, “ah say no more.”

“What does that mean?”

“He was being dirty. About you,” Jen shrugged nonchalantly enraging Joey. 

“Why would you say that? Pacey is just a pig in general,” she huffed.

“It doesn’t take a genius to see sparks,” Jen gestured between the two of them.

“Oh hey. No sparks here. Can’t spark when the other person is made of ice,” Pacey defended.

“That’s right. I’m cold, stone cold,” Joey crossed her arms and Pacey’s eyes dropped to her boobs.

“Hah,” Jen stated triumphantly, waving a hand between Pacey’s eyes and Joey’s chest.

“That’s not a spark, that’s perversion,” Joey scoffed unfolding her arms.

“What’s perversion?” Dawson slid onto the stool next to Pacey.

“What is it, visit Joey at work day?” Joey grumped.

“The perversion that makes me stare at Joey's boobs,” Pacey explained.

“Don’t be crass, that’s your nemesis,” Dawson joked.

“My favourite nemesis,” Pacey fixed her with a fond smile. 

“Also your friend, so don’t perve,” Dawson gave him a pointed look. 

“She likes it,” Pacey pish poshed flippantly. 

“She doesn’t,” Joey growled.

“We all saw you come out of that closet,” Jen risked and Joey's eyes narrowed.

“Revulsion and attraction apparently look similar.”

“Pacey I need to talk to you,” Dawson nudged his friend.

“Jo’s feeding me,” Pacey frowned.

“I promise not to eat all your fries,” she smirked as Dawson dragged Pacey away, then looked away flustered at the expression on Jen’s face. 

“Why did you leave so suddenly yesterday?” Jen asked as Joey shoved fries in front of her.

“I was tired.”

“Abby was being a bitch.”

“I don’t care about Abby.”

“You cared about Pacey and Andie going into the closet!” Jen said softly.

“I didn’t,” she shook her head. 

“Ok Joey,” Jen sat back. “You know I would like us to be friends. I thought it was Dawson. That we weren’t friends because of him. Then I saw the way you were looking at Pacey…”

“And how was I looking at Pacey?” Joey glared. 

“Like you wanted him,” Jen shrugged. “Which I guess I’m not surprised at. His interest in you is badly hidden… and I gotta admit I did think there might be something beneath the fire and the fight.”

“There’s nothing,” Joey stated emphatically.

“Then why were you calling Pacey a pig when I arrived?” Jen asked and Joey felt her face heat up. “I thought so.”

“You can’t tell anyone,” Joey pleaded.

“What am I not telling anyone? I think we all saw the sparks. It was no secret that Andie was desperate to get in the closet with Pacey and yet they had space between them when we opened up and when Pacey realised you were gone he was outta there.”

“So what, everyone thinks something is going on?”

“Please,” Jen shook her head. “I do. I don’t think Andie and Jack know what to think. Abby stirred shit so I’m pretty sure Dawson thinks Pacey was inappropriate somehow. He did not like that!”

“What? Why?” Joey frowned.

“Joey! You’re beautiful. Pacey noticed long ago. Dawson is catching up.”

“Why is everything so complicated with hormones?”

“It’s easier with same sex friends,” Jen pointed out. 

Joey stared at Jen weighing up her options. Bessie was great, but a sister mother. It had been helpful talking to her, but so awkward. Maybe Jen wouldn’t be so bad. 

“Are you a virgin?” Joey knew Jen had said she was, but then all the stuff with Billy. 

“No. Are you?”

“Yes… Bessie took me to planned parenthood this morning.”

“Why did she take you?”

“She walked in on Pacey touching me uh… there…and this morning with his hand up my bra,” Joey admitted and the fry fell from Jen's mouth. 

“Joey Potter!”

“It just keeps happening,” Joey flushed.

“So not just yesterday?” Jen arched her eyebrows and Joey shook her head. “How many times?”

“That’s complicated, but I guess three or four, maybe five.”

“Since?”

“Oh…well uh, I guess since…I mean my birthday party…though…I mean that was because of a game, but it was more intense than anyone else’s kisses…”

“He’s asked you out?”

“Yes, but… I mean it’s Pacey!” Joey shrugged.

“Who is all kinds of handsome and sexy? And fun to be around? What’s the problem?”

“I mean it’s Pacey,” Joey frowned.

“And there’s no possibility that all this banter, this witty verbal repartee you two constantly engage in has actually been some kind of foreplay?” Jen leaned over the counter. Joey scoffed uncomfortably.

“Even if it was, that doesn’t equate to anything deeper.”

“What about him working so hard to do things for you? What about him hanging out here and picking up the slack? Didn’t he chop that huge pile of firewood for you guys? And drive you to see your dad?”

“Ok stop,” Joey held up a hand. “I do nothing for him.”

“You hold him accountable,” Jen said simply. “You feed him. You help him with homework - scathingly. And you hold him to a high standard in a life where everyone expects the bare minimum from him. You are everything he needs.”

“I’m nothing special.”

“To him you are,” Jen said with a simple shrug as Pacey and Dawson entered. 

“Your fries,” she put the bowl in front of Pacey and slapped Dawson’s hand instinctively as he went to reach for one, without forethought or consideration for how it would look. 

“Joey,” Dawson looked scandalised as did she, while Pacey hid a grin. 

“They’re his. He uh… is going to help Bessie with the gutters as Bodie is away,” she lied. 

“I am?” Pacey frowned and at her look nodded. “After school tomorrow. Apparently whenever there’s a downpour, there’s a shower over the front door. Potter, can I speak to you for a second?” he hooked a thumb down the bar and Joey nodded, moving to the end, waiting for him to grab his fries and join her.

“What?” 

“Dawson thinks I’m into you.”

“And you’re not?” she was confused.

“No I am,” he corrected with an enthusiastic head bob. “Like really into you, big time… but now he’s noticed.”

“And you think this private tête-à-tête is going to decrease that suspicion?”

“Ahhhh no,” he answered biting his lip. “Should I tell him I like you or you know, try and dispel all that…”

“What’s it to do with Dawson if you like me or not?”

“Joey,” Pacey frowned. “Ok ok so he kinda has this weird ownership thing, like you're his even if he doesn’t want you like that.”

“I’m sorry what?” Joey's hands went to her hips as she saw red. The freaking audacity! Of all the chauvinistic, ridiculous things in the world - Dawson yelling ‘mine’ like some kind of child. “Dawson isn’t my boss. You don’t need his permission. I certainly don’t fucking belong to him…”

“He was pretty mad when I said we kissed in the closet!”

“So on my birthday he’s cackling because it’s all so funny and now what, we’re playing a game and he decides to lay down the law?”

“Apparently we were looking at each other in a depraved way and I wasn’t to corrupt you!”

“Fuck that,” she stared at him and she could see the second he registered what she wanted, his eyes darkening as she grabbed his shirt and tugged him close kissing him hard. 

“Fuck Jo,” he breathed into the kiss. 

“Maybe one day, but there’s so much other fun stuff to try first,” she smirked and he laughed. 

“What the hell was that?” Dawson, nostrils flaring. Jen beside him with a grin.

“I think they were kissing,” she supplied helpfully.

“Pacey didn’t we just talk about this?”

“Talk about how you’re somehow the boss of who I want to kiss or not kiss? About how I’m a poor innocent little girl who needs your protection?” Joey put on a saccharine voice and then scowled. “Bite me, Dawson,” she huffed and then looked at Pacey, “or better yet, you bite me,” she gave him a look and his eyes widened. 

“Yes,” he nodded helplessly.

“Joey, you know he’s sex obsessed, you’re the one always accusing him of that,” Dawson attempted.

“Maybe I’m sex obsessed too,” she snarked and ripped off her apron. “I’m taking my break,” she said to Jack and stalking from behind the counter, stormed past Dawson and Jen and grabbed Pacey’s hand. 

“See ya,” he called to the other two as she dragged him out and to the back of the restaurant, pushing him against the wall and kissing him, thrilling at his hands on her hips tugging her closer. “You really don’t care what he thinks?” Pacey asked softly.

“Why would I? He’s my friend, not my keeper. The sheer audacity of him trying to control what I do is mind boggling.”

“I thought you had a…a thing for him?” Pacey flipped them, leaning his body into hers and she loved it. 

“He’s been my best friend for years. It’s always been the three of us. To be honest I’ve over focussed on him since that monster of the deep moment.” 

“Why?”

“To distract myself. So you wouldn’t figure me out.”

“I’d never have known it if you didn’t tell me. Not till the snails.”

“I just…I feel like it’s ok for you to know. Like I don’t think you’d use it against me,” she shrugged but swallowed when his eyes darkened.

“I might,” he bit her earlobe and shifted his thigh between her legs and she instinctively pressed down, gasping.

“Pacey,” she mewled his name. “We can’t do this here,” she sucked in a breath as his teeth worried the skin of her throat and then pressed kisses to the marks, another kiss to her ear lobe and she pressed down against his thigh again, hips rocking just enough. 

“Joey,” he found her mouth, apparently her name a term of endearment as his hands encouraged her hips. The door creaking open stopped them and Jack awkwardly waved at them as he dumped the trash and with a huge grin went back inside. 

“Shit,” she giggled because it was proving harder to keep this hormonal pull to Pacey hidden. “I better get back to work.”

“I want to make you come,” his thumbs brushed over her stomach.

“You don’t have to make me come every time we kiss,” she rolled her eyes.

“But I’m at 100% and I’ve never had that good a percentage before.”

“You’re ridiculous,” she chided softly. “Now come finish your fries.”

************

“Are you sure you’re not dating?” Bessie asked Joey who frowned.

“Quite sure.”

“Then why is he always here?” Bessie asked and Jen snickered into her mug of tea. Joey gave her friend a disappointed look.

“Hey, hey I’m sorry, but really your sister makes a point.”

“He’s nailing down the siding that came loose,” Joey defended.

“Joey we have enough firewood to last us three winters, the gutters haven’t got a leaf in them, the window sills have all been stripped and repainted, he’s single handed been the driving force behind converting this place to a B&B and calls himself our live in handyman!”

“We’re not dating,” Joey felt her belly swish and everything tighten between her legs when she remembered his mouth between them yesterday, blue eyes looking up at her as he tortured her with his tongue brushing through her, into her, his mouth then finding her clit and his tongue doing ungodly things to it until she was shamelessly thrusting up into his face and infinitely thankful that Jen had  introduced her to waxing. Oh but an orgasm from his tongue and mouth was very different to all the others. She’d been so turned on she thought she might pass out and when she finally descended back to earth she didn’t even think twice about putting her mouth on him. It felt so good when he did it that she wanted him to feel it. Of course he hadn’t felt it for very long because he’d got a little bit excited. She smirked to herself. 

“Oh my god, you can practically read the dirty thoughts,” Bessie hit her round the back of her head. 

“I think her journal is straight up porn,” Jen wasn’t helpful. “Dawson decided to read it and I think he’s scarred for life.”

“Serves him right for reading it,” Joey scoffed. 

“I agree with that,” Bessie concurred. “Why don’t you take pity and go on a date? What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I’m not going on a date,” Joey scrunched her face. She’d decided months before that she wasn’t going there. Dating Pacey was off the table. They were friends and lovers and sparring partners and that worked. She’d begun to hate his awful family and if they weren't going to feed him he could hang at hers where he more than earned his keep. And if Dawson was going to persist in speaking to them coldly because they’d broken some unwritten rule about her being off limits to Pacey and Pacey to her, well he could work at the B&B instead of Screen Play. And so what if they watched movies or went swimming, or hung out together talking. They were openly friends and more often than not Jen and Jack and even Andie would come over, or they’d be at Jen’s. 

“All done,” Pacey came in and kicked off his shoes, heading to the bathroom to wash his hands. 

“Thank you Pace,” Bessie called. 

“Homework time,” Joey called.

“You’re a harsh mistress,” he starfished his fingers so water sprinkled on her. 

“My notes,” she pouted. 

“What are we working on?” he asked, sitting way too close to Joey on the couch. 

“Wow Pace, body space?” She grumbled but then met his eyes and knew he was thinking about the night before too. 

“I learn better when I’m close,” he lifted her legs and lay them across his lap.

“Ugh fine,” she shoved the text book at him. “Read that and then we’ll do the questions. Jen and I are gonna read our English chapters. You’ll have to do that tonight,” she said it and then blushed wildly. Jen smirked. Pacey smirked. 

“Maybe you read them to me,” he suggested casually and she flicked his arm. 

“Shut it,” she growled. It was dumb. Whenever he stayed over, which was a lot, he’d talked her into reading the English texts to him while she was naked. She didn’t know why she’d ended up agreeing, but his goal was to make her come and hers was to keep on reading as if he hadn’t. It was a fun game that she was terrible at. 

*********

“Do you know why your dad treats you like he does?” She was lying on the dock with Pacey, a blanket under them and over them to mitigate the cool October weather. She had her head pressed to his chest and her arm around his waist.

“My report card was all B’s. Not bad for a self proclaimed slacker…”

“You’re no slacker,” she squeezed him. “You work harder than anyone I know.”

“Not on school work,” he shrugged.

“Straight B’s says otherwise. Besides that there’s everything you do here.”

“None of it matters to Pop - he saw that report card and accused me of cheating, of fixing it. Truth is I was an accident. A little too cocky, a little too inquisitive, a bit too much of a smart mouth and he and ma were tired. I was not wanted. I’m still not wanted. I don’t know why dad didn’t get a vasectomy after Doug.”

“Your dad is a fool. You’re amazing.”

“Not according to him and ma.”

“So how did you become this hard working, kind, dedicated, sexy guy if they had no input?”

“You think I’m kind?”

“I’d have thought your focus would have been on sexy,” she smiled. 

“I know you find me sexy… but kind? I dunno.”

“You’re a good friend Pace. You're loyal, and funny, and wonderfully witty. You put so much effort into the people around you. You look after the people around you.”

“Jo,” he tucked a stand of her hair behind her ear, his eyes soft. “You know how I feel about you? Right? Like I know we don’t say it or anything, but I’d do pretty much anything for you.”

“We don’t say it for a reason,” she ran a thumb over his lips. 

“What reason? Remind me because I want to say it. I want to scream it.”

“Pace. When we argue it’s as friends. It’s not bitter and awful. My parents argued in a way my mom didn’t deserve. Not when she was dying. I prefer this. It’s banter and when it’s not we don’t take each other for granted. We talk about it.”

“So your secret to a healthy relationship is to define it as a friendship?” He leant up on his elbows and looked at her. 

“I guess,” she squeezed again. 

“Do you like me?” He asked, voice gruff.

“Yeah I like you,” she pressed a kiss to his chest and his arms wrapped around her. 

“I like you,” he held her tight. 

“Mmmm,” she closed her eyes.

“Time was you’d have told me I don’t,” he kissed her head. 

“Hmmm yeah, hormones and date like activities!”

“Don’t forget intoxication.”

“I’m not scared that I like you,” she whispered.

“No?”

“Sometimes I’m scared by how much,” she spoke softly, aware of what she was saying. He didn’t say anything and she thought maybe he hadn’t heard her. Then all of a sudden he rolled on top of her, pushing her legs apart so her legs cradled him, leaning on his elbows so he could look at her. 

“I love you, Joey. I’m pretty sure you know that. It’s the worst kept secret in Capeside. I’m very, very in love with you.”

“I know,” she nodded, surprised at the swoop in her belly and between her legs that his words caused. 

“You have some kind of…magic… or I don’t know. It’s like since the snails I can’t ever seem to get you out of my head, out of my heart, or stop wanting to kiss you. I mean honestly… even before the snails - no one has ever made me feel like you.”

“Pace,” she needed him to stop talking. “I’m nothing special.”

“If you really think that then I’m doing something wrong because you’re about as special as they come,” his sincerity broke her. 

“You are doing everything right,” she admitted. “You make me feel powerful. It sounds dumb, but my life has always been out of my control. My mom, my dad, living with my sister. I felt like I had no sway over anything.”

“You have sway over me.”

“You have sway over me too,” she admitted, as close as she could come to a declaration of love. “When my dad was released, that awful two weeks where everything felt so wildly out of control you were my constant,” she’d spent her whole time begging for his body to be close, begging for his fingers on her, inside her. “Then when the Icehouse burned down, you holding me was about the only thing keeping me sane. You ground me Pace,” she felt unexpected tears burn her eyelids, “and you lift me up all at once and I don’t know how you do it, but it’s a real skill.”

“Jo,” he kissed her, a kiss that increased in intensity until he was rocking against her and she was gasping. 

“Pace stop,” she breathed into the kiss and he stopped at once.

“Did I hurt you? I’m sorry.”

“No Pace. I want to do what we were doing, just with no clothes on.”

“No clothes?” He stared at her, apparently confused. 

“No clothes, no stopping. I want you inside me,” she burned despite the temperature. 

“Joey,” he groaned.

“This B and B was your idea, I have a room now. Please Pace,” she stared at him and he pressed a soft kiss to her lips and stood.

“Come on,” he helped her up and grabbed the blankets, folding them while she watched indulgently. 

“You’re such a good guy,” she felt her insides turn all mushy. 

“Come on my sappy girl,” he teased as she grabbed his hand and looped his arm around her shoulders. 

“I wasn’t the one declaring love,” she pointed out with a smile and a soft look. 

“Hmmm, I do love you,” he held her body tight against his. 

“Bessie’s away tonight visiting Bodie,” she told him suddenly nervous. 

“Right,” he nodded. “You want a fire? It’s cold enough?”

“Sure, a fire would be nice. You hungry?”

“Ah no, I’m all good,” he shifted from foot to foot.

“Do you want to?” she asked uncertainly.

“Have sex?” 

“Yes,” she nodded. 

“I don’t think you have any idea how much I want to have sex with you,” he took her hands. 

“You’re hesitating,” she pouted a little. 

“Awww Joey, no. Really, truly I’m so in love with you I’ll take anything you give me…but…”

“But what? She narrowed her eyes in question.

“I’d prefer to be having sex for the first time ever with my girlfriend. Call me a romantic, or I dunno make fun of me for being a sappy fool, but both things are true. I want to have sex with you and only you and I want you to be my girlfriend when I do.”

“Your girlfriend?” She looped her arms behind his head. “Hmmm, you’ve never asked for that before….”

“I didn’t think you’d say yes. And honestly Jo, you’ve been my girlfriend for a long, long time. To me.”

She couldn’t help but smile. He was adorable. A doufus, a bit of an idiot at times, but he was undeniably hers. 

“Sure, I’ll be your girlfriend,” she agreed. 

“You will?” His eyes widened in surprise.

“Sure,” she smiled wider and then he was kissing her, hips pressing into hers, hands pushing under her shirt, impatient, incessant. She moaned his name and he hoisted her up, her legs wrapping around his waist as he walked them to her room. 

“Fuck,” he cursed as he lay her on the bed and his hips thrust against her.

“Clothes off,” she begged unbuttoning his shirt, pushing it off and then peeling off his tank. 

“Really?” 

“I’m your girlfriend Pace, really,” she peeled off her shirt and tank at the same time, and laughed as he reached behind her and pinched the clasp of her bra, causing it to pop open. Then he was kissing her again, both moaning softly as their skin brushed together. “Pacey.:. Please… I don’t think you know how much I want you,” she unbuttoned her own jeans. “Take off your clothes.”

“Ok, yes… ok,” he stood and pushed off his jeans and socks, then under her watchful gaze his boxers. 

“Help me,” she pleaded and he pulled off her jeans. Without hesitation she discarded her underwear. “Come here,” she begged, feeling everything burn with desperation for him.

“I don’t know that I’m going to be very good at this.”

“Pace, you made me come with your thigh,” she rolled her eyes and he smiled. 

“Yeah but my thigh doesn’t get over excited,” he was staring between her legs and she allowed them to fall open slightly. “Fuck, Joey….”

“Please do. Pacey I don’t care what it’s like, I just care that it’s with you. And we get to try again and again and in all the different ways, so let’s start so it can go somewhere?”

“Yeah,” he nodded and climbed on the bed, groaning at the feel of his cock against her. “Fuck I’m not even in you and I feel half crazy,” he growled. 

“Give me your hand,” she took it and pushed his fingers between her legs. 

“You’re so wet,” his hips bucked against her. 

“Feel…can you feel that pulsing?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s my body begging for yours,” she let him move his hand, but she used hers to position him against her entrance. 

“A condom…” he looked shocked at his own forgetfulness.

“I’ve been on the pill since Bessie caught us the first night you stayed over. I am very very careful.”

“So no condom?” he was shaking. 

“No,” she tilted her hips and he slid a little ways in. “Oh….”

“That hurt?”

“No it feels so good,” she stared up at him.

“All at once or slowly?” he asked.

“Slowly. But not too slowly,” she said and he began to kiss her, an ardent, passionate kiss that made her stomach flip flop and the beat between her legs pound harder, especially as he moved further and further into her. “Ohhhh,” she moaned, able to feel him against her clit, knowing that he was all the way in. 

“Ok?” he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Very,” she ran her hands over pecs, down his sides and over the curve of his ass. “Move,” she encouraged. 

“I’m worried this will all be over if I do,” he admitted and she thought for a moment. 

“Roll us?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, but stay inside me, please,” she held onto him tightly and then he rolled them. “Oh the feels deeper,” she gasped and he closed his eyes and bit his lip groaning softly. 

“You say stuff like that and I’m gonna come,” he admitted. 

“You know how quick I come on top when we make out,” she smiled. “Now if you come I probably will too!” She smiled.

“You’re so smart,” he kissed her, hands touching her breasts, thumb brushing over her nipples, before his left hand drifted down to her ass and squeezed. Her hips rocked forward and then she sunk back onto him. “That feels so fucking good,” he squeezed her ass again and she couldn’t stop herself from repeating the move because the dual sensation of him sliding in and out of her and the friction against her clit was divine. 

“Fuck,” she cursed. “I’m gonna come so easy.”

“Joey,” he groaned and his hips thrust up erratically and she felt him release inside of her. She moved once more and came hard and spectacularly, revelling in wonder at her body and more specifically her body with his. 

“Oh we have to do that again and again,” she kissed him, but he didn’t kiss her back. She pulled back and smiled at him from her waterfall of hair. “You ok Pace?” 

“No,” he shook his head. 

“Did I hurt you? Oh my God…”

“Shhh Jo, you were perfect. That was perfect. I’m not ok because…well I’ve fantasised about that for a long time and that was so much better.”

“So it’s a good not ok?”

“A really fucking fantastic not ok. Jo, we’re not gonna get anything done now.”

“Not a thing,” she cooed rolling off of him.

“Oh hey, I liked you there,” he protested. 

“But now you get to push inside of me all over again,” she shrugged and his eyes said everything as he rolled onto her.

*************

“Why so tired Jo Jo?” Jen asked as they all sat draped on various pieces of Grams furniture studying. Pacey was wedged in the corner drooling over his math, Joey was leaning onto him with Jen on her other side. Dawson and Andie were on the floor while Jack had laid claim to the uncomfortable armchair. 

“No sleep,” Joey sighed. 

“Looks like Pacey didn’t get much either,” Jen smirked and Joey gave her a look, waggling her eyebrows. “Really?” Jen mouthed the word. “And?” Again mouthed.

“Amazing,” Joey told her silently. “Oh my god amazing.”

“Go you!” Jen did a silent cheer.

“Your silent conversation is very distracting,” Andie stated and both of them laughed. “Though I appreciate the effort to keep a quiet workspace.”

“Don’t you mean sleep space,” Dawson scoffed with a look at Pacey.

“Hey, lay off my boy. He worked hard last night,” Joey defended and Jen stifled her giggles. 

“Friend,” Pacey mumbled.

“Whatcha saying there Pace?” Joey asked squeezing his hand.

“Boyfriend,” he turned his hand and squeezed back. 

“That’s right,” Joey smiled. “My boyfriend!”

“Well that’s new!” Jen, not silent at all.

“So this love affair is official now? After what…well over a year?” Dawson widened his eyes. “Way to show a girl how much they mean to you!”

“Glad you’re recognizing it as a love affair, D! Means a lot,” Pacey smiled engagingly, eyes half open. 

“Hey I’ve been the breaks on labeling things, not Pacey,” Joey told Dawson pointedly. “Honestly I can’t believe you’re still acting like we’ve been doing something wrong.”

“My best friend pursued you knowing that I didn’t want him too.”

“Technically he asked you for permission, which was never yours to give, and kissed me.”

“You’ve been together since then?” Dawson looked scandalised. 

“Yes D, since then. As I’ve told you.”

“But the first time we knew about it was three months later!”

“And?” Joey widened her eyes. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“Because we were figuring it out. Which people are entitled to do without telling everyone about it! Pace knew how he felt and I fought it. Which is really very me.”

“And how do you feel?” Dawson asked her, arms crossed.

“I’m in love with the girl. No secret about that!”

“And you?” Dawson was staring at Joey.

“Don’t put her on the spot D. That’s not fair,” Pacey was wide awake now. 

“That’s between them anyway,” Jen was his assist.

“I said I’d never have sex with anyone I didn’t love,” Joey shrugged and Pacey looked at her like she was the sun, moon, water, sky, the whole earth and the universe too. 

“You’ve had sex?” Dawson’s spit flew out of his mouth in his surprise. 

“You love me?” Pacey spoke at the same time as Dawson and it was him she turned to.

“I’d have thought that was obvious,” she burrowed closer. “Especially after last night.”

“But you saying it is…really nice.”

“Then, I love you Pace.”

“I love you too, Jo.”