Archive of Our Own

You opened your eyes. You were proud, for once, that you did so fully expecting to see the ceiling of the room you'd fallen asleep in, listening to Isa's snores. He'd be proud.

Instead, you opened your eyes to the sky.

A familiar sky.

A meadow.

Had you and your family been traveling again? You'd been planning for a while to go… somewhere. You forget where. Had you gone back to Dormont? Why? Had you really had been so dumb as to fall asleep in the same blinding spot?

They would be delighted that that was your first thought now, not that awful sense of doom, of being back. Those came crashing in right after, because you weren't perfect. You were trying. Improving.

"Frin!"

See?

Bonnie was calling you! That never happened in the loops!

You were fine.

You were fine.

You wer-

"Siffrin!"

Right. You shouldn't zone out. They'd be upset.

"Bonbon?" You sit up, and turn to look at them. Your blood goes cold.

…

Why…

Why was Bonnie wearing that…? That same outfit- that same one.

They looked at you, eyes red from crying. Someone- Odile, you think, called after them, but they ran up to you before anyone could grab them.

How nice. The others knew you'd panic upon seeing Bonnie in the same clothes as before, after waking up in the same blinding meadow that you had hundreds of times before. So they tried to stop them! How kind!

"Frin! You- you stupid crabbing idiot!" Bonnie howled. They slammed their fists into your chest, thumping against your hollow heart, making it stutter. Just. Like. Dying! "Why did you do that?? WHY?"

You were fine, though. You'd worked so hard.

Who cared if you were back in the same BLINDING MEADOW AGAIN???

You'd gone to therapy. You had ~coping skills~

Look! There's Mirabelle! Everything was fine, except she was wearing the same clothes as before too and it was f i n e.

All good.

"Bonnie! Stop! You can't yell at them like that!" Mira shouted, lunging forward and dragging Bonnie back. "It's not his fault!"

"YES IT IS!" Bonnie sobbed, struggling against Mirabelle's hold, "IT IS FRIN'S FAULT! HE NEVER REMEMBERS!!!! NEVER!!!! SO HE ALWAYS DOES STUPID THINGS!!"

OOPS! You'd forgotten something! Something important! "Is it your birthday?" You asked urgently, worried.

"NO!!!!"

You were really drawing a blank now. Last you remembered, you and your family were planning a trip to…

To…

T o . . .

"Boniface!" Odile's sharp voice cut through your thoughts. "That's enough! You know better!"

S a m e.

C L O T H I N G.

Stars! You were being tested today! Allllll of your coping skills!

"What's going on? What are we doing?" You asked cheerfully. Your voice didn't even shake. "I'm really sorry, Bonbon, if I forgot something important. Where were we going again?"

For a moment, all three of your family members gaped at you, disbelieving. Bonnie's cry of outrage was barely muffled by Mirabelle's hand. Odile looked… irritated. You'd upset her now too. Wonderful.

"Sorry. My memory's pretty bad today, I think."

Still, they stared, until Odile sighed heavily, pinching her nose. "Just- take Bonnie over there, Mirabelle. I'll… explain again." Quieter, she muttered under her breath, what she probably assumed was too low for you to hear, "Gems, their memory gets worse every time."

You'd forgotten something big.

"Sorry." You said again. Your heart was beating too fast. You'd upset your family and everything was scarily similar to-

"Don't- Siffrin, it's probably-" Odile groaned softly, rubbing her forehead like she had a headache. "It is probably our fault," she said more deliberately, "don't worry about it. We're here to fight the King, remember?"

What

What was she talking about?

WHAT DID SHE MEAN?

"Sooorrrrry??" You trill, grinning so much it hurt, (hurts hurts hurts) "What'd you say??" Your smile was plastered on your face. It hurt. It hurts. Why was she saying this?

"The King? Remember? This whole quest to get the orbs and unlock the House, so we can fight the King? Ring any bells?" Odile frowned at you, eyebrow raised.

Suspicious.

Of you.

Again!

You laughed.

You.

L a u g h e d and l a u g h e d .

You were crying.

"Siffrin? Siffrin, calm down!"

"Isa! Siffrin's upset again!"

"Sif!"

You grinned.

It. Hurts. "Isa!!!"

Script.

'Sif!!!!!'

"Isaaaaaaa!!!!!!!"

Wait. Had he actually responded to you, or was that your imagination?

"Sif, buddy… uh… are you okay?" Isabeau asked slowly. He looked calm, more than expected. Worried, still, but calmer, and it made you settle a little. Isabeau wouldn't hurt you. He helped you. He pulled you back, every time. Maybe he'd wake you up!

"Odile said we've got to fight the King!" You said gleefully. You giggled. You'd gone to ~therapy~

You were good. Fine.

"Yeah… we do." Isa agreed calmly. "Are you worried? Don't worry, Sif! We'll be okay!" He reached out-

To pat your shoulder.

You flinched.

He stopped. His hand dropped to his side.

Just like before.

"But we a l r e a d y d i d t h a t!!!!!"

Silence.

Isa looked horrified. His hand went up again, to tangle in his hair, to dig in. Isabeau didn't do that. Was this Isabeau?

"Siffrin…? What do you remember?" He asked urgently, pulling his hand free to hold them out soothingly. "Do you- oh Change, Sif, do you remember fighting the King last loop?"

You.

L a u g h e d .

You drew your dagger and slashed it right through your own throat. Isa scr eam ed and you took a breath- no where for it to go but out, what an interesting sound you made!

Isa's hands were on your throat, trying against all odds to hold you together but you were good! Good at this! Your arteries severed, your blood spilling out faster than any of them could stop!

Your last sight was of Bonnie, their face pale as a ghost, staring at you in horror.

OOPS.

(You killed yourself)

(YOU FEEL A TUG ON YOUR STOMACH.)

(and    then

Your eye opened.

Meadow. Again. Someone shrieked, a loud, sobbing cry.

It sounded like Bonnie.

(You killed yourself)

(YOU FEEL A TUG ON YOUR STOMACH.)

(and    then

MEADOW.

(You killed yourself)

(YOU FEEL A TUG ON YOUR STOMACH.)

(and    then

"SIFFRIN!!!!!!"

(You killed yourself)

(YOU FEEL A TUG ON YOUR STOMACH.)

(and    then

(Again, again, again!)

(YOU FEEL A TUG ON YOUR STOMACH.)

(and    then

At some point, you stopped. You let the knife fall from your neck and dropped it to the ground next to you and you laid back down and you breathed and you laughed and you cried and you-

Heard Mirabelle.

"SIFFRIN!" Mira shouted, "oh thank- thank Change! Siffrin!"

She was crying. Crying so hard you could barely understand her.

That's alright! You remember the script for her! She doesn't even need to talk!

"Hey Mira, ever thought about doing a sleepover tonight?"

"W-what? Siffrin!" Mira wiped her face, her twisted, sobbing face, and then reached out, hands outstretched like she was soothing a wild animal, "Oh, Change. Oh- Please don't! Siffrin, why- Please just wait here. We can explain. Don't hurt yourself anymore, please Siffrin!"

. . .

That wasn't the script.

You reach for your dagger.

Mira kicks it away, faster than you expected. You let your hand fall in the grass. It burns, it burns against your skin, itchy, hot, searing into your flesh. You'd never burned alive before. First time for everything! Maybe you were allergic now! Like with pineapple! Every time you laid in the grass you'd die! An endless loop of burning and suffocating and dying over and over and over, just to wake up in the grass and die again!

Hahahahahahahaha-

"Siffrin…!" Isabeau's hands brushed your face, and you flinched, but he didn't stop, brushing his fingers over your neck. You squirmed, but he didn't move away, leaning in close in a way that made you freeze. "Oh, Siffrin…" He whispered, and his voice shook.

Your voice was blank. "Let go."

He let go, recoiling like you had pressed a match to his skin, and part of you was hurt, despite the fact that he was just listening to you. You thought about it for a moment, just like Isa and Odile had taught you, examining it, then let it go.

You just felt hurt because part of you was still convinced he found you disgusting.

He didn't. You knew that.

It was mean to think that Isa thought of you as disgusting. Isa didn't think like that to anyone, but especially not to his family.

Odile was walking up too, when you looked that way. She rarely left the shop until it was time for heading to the Clock-tower!

How off script!

Your hand itched for your dagger again.

Bonnie was in her arms, carried in a way that they never usually allowed. In a way that she rarely offered. They looked blank, stunned. Odile's face was expressionless. You'd seen more expression in tree bark once.

You'd caused that.

"Siffrin."

"Odile."

See? You remembered her name too.

She sighed. She looked rough, for some reason. Her glasses weren't pushed up all the way, falling down her nose. She looked sad? You weren't sure.

"Siffrin, we need to talk. About Time loops."

You laughed. "What about them?"

How you were back? Back in the loops?

Again.

Again!

Could you never escape?

Had you ever learned your lesson? They were happy. All of them. All of you! Still traveling, still together, still so blindingly happy that it scared you sometimes.

It was right to.

You were back.

"About how you're in them?"

"No, really?" You trill, grinning.

You shouldn't snap at her. It wasn't her fault you were back.

It was yours.

Just like last time. Your damn fault. Everything was ruined. Bonnie's sister was still frozen. Vaugarde was still freezing. The blinding KING was still ALIVE!

"Siffrin! Please! Let me explain! I need you to focus! I know what's happening, so please listen!

Odile… knew why you were looping again?

Somehow, you couldn't help but start to breathe again. You were still shaking like a leaf, of course, but a treacherous kernel of hope had sunk into your heart.

You trust Odile.

You took a deep breath in, and out.

Phew.

You put your shaking hands behind your back, and looked at her.

"So." Now that she had your attention, she seemed a little unsure. "You're looping through time. You've noticed, right?"

Rather than say something probably scathing that you would regret, you nodded stiffly. You were still alive, so of course you were.

"We are too. Obviously, given how things have gone these last… couple times."

You probably should've realized that, but it was a new revelation to you. You were looping. Together.

Together forever.

Trapped in time.

Forever.

Together.

Your own wish, granted in the worst possible way.

"Bonnie too?" You ask blankly.

"Yes."

Stars.

You wouldn't wish this on anyone, but least of all for Bonnie.

They didn't deserve something like this. No one did. Isa had told you, over and over and over, until he'd finally beaten it into your leaky skull.

No one deserved to be trapped like you had been.

"Are you planning on killing yourself again? Do we have to take your dagger away?"

"No." Still, you handed it over to a trembling Mirabelle. At least for now. Your hand was still itching.

Odile nodded. "Good. Time loop. We've got to beat the King. Don't worry about it. We've already got it down ourselves, mostly."

Oh.

Right.

They didn't remember the actual loops. The true ones. Just the disastrous final one, where they didn't have to properly go through the house. You'd already cleared most of it, and the layout was so strange compared to normal, they must not know where to find all the keys!

… One more loop.

Right?

Just one.

You could handle that.

You could.

You had to.

"So, you need help getting through the House?" You said, more calmly this time.

Odile blinked. She looked surprised, again? "Yes… but can I ask what's the last thing you remember before you… woke up in the meadow?"

"Killing myself." You answered easily.

"… before that."

Oh. Right. That made more sense.

"We were… getting ready to go somewhere?"

Odile frowned. "Where?"

You shrug. "I don't remember. I was going to ask Isa when I realized I'd forgotten."

They all groaned, which-

Hurt.

They usually weren't so upfront about how annoying your memory problems were. You knew they were annoyed by it, even if they all said it was fine. Your memory problems annoyed you, so it had to be the same for them too. It felt pretty bad to see it with your own eyes, not just thoughts from your mean brain.

"Ughhhhh, that means we'll have to tell him all over again!" Bonnie complained, slumping against Isa's hip. "Why are you so forgetful, Frin!" Their eyes were still red, from witnessing your actions, but they were at least trying to act normal.

"Probably from being born in the country up North," you answered instead of anything worse, "at least, that's the best guess we've heard. Since so much of my memory is blocked off, it makes it hard to find the ones I can reach. Remember?" Odile had explained it so much better. The memories remained- you just couldn't reach them. So whenever you tried to find the ones you could grab a hold of, it was like reaching into a bag without being able to see inside, and things kept getting in front of your hand, and you kept grabbing the wrong things, things you couldn't pull out of the bag. So, you just blanked.

You didn't need to say this, actually. They already knew it. Why were you saying this? You didn't have to recite your lines now, not if all of them were looping too.

You weren't sure how to word that. Odile already knew, as did the others, but as you had learned, a quick reminder never hurt anyone. You always appreciated when they offered you one, even if you didn't need it, because you sure might have.

They stared at you. Odile stared at you. Everyone. Everyone stared at you.

Shocked?

Confused?

Realizing?

But they'd…

Made you realize it.

Why didn't they know?

W h y d i d n ' t t h e y k n o w ?

Odile set her hand on your arm. It was so sudden that you couldn't help but flinch, despite the way the warmth seeped in, and the way your brain started whining like a desperate dog being pet for the first time ever. She pulled away, far too quickly, and you shivered, despite being perfectly warm.

"I think… we might be missing some things. Forgotten, maybe? Why don't you explain what you know?"

You laughed again. It was all wrong, and made your family flinch back, so you stopped. "I don't think I should know more than you guys! You all helped me understand it! Remember? Months ago? We can't all have memory issues!"

"Siffrin… We never talked about your homeland."

Must be the wish. That wish again, making your heads hurt, making things impossible to remember. It must've- must've been too long since you all had last thought of it! And with your Memory of Memories, you still remembered! That must be it! Nothing else! Nothing!

It must be!

There was no other explanation!

"Explain it to us again," Odile said slowly, her hands up in surrender, like she was trying to soothe you, "I'm sorry that we forgot. You said… the country up north? That island that… we can't talk about?"

You nodded. "I was born there. Grew up there. I was also caught in the… forgetting, and because it was all that I really knew, I forgot… everything. It's still up there, getting in my way when I try to remember other things."

You waited. Something. Anything. Remember.

Please remember.

Say that your family wasn't completely lost. Say you weren't back, back without your family. Without the people you'd traveled with, defeated the King, the people who saved you from yourself.

The ones you loved.

The ones who loved you.

"And we… talked about this already, Siffrin?"

"YES!"

Don't get hysterical. It would just make you loop again. You could not handle any more looping right now, lest you go on another spree. You took a breath in, and out. You pulled your cloak back into place, adjusted the brim of your hat so it obscured your vision only slightly. Small, useless acts that merely stalled the conversation. Odile allowed it, frowning. Bonnie looked impatient, tapping their foot. Mirabelle and Isabeau both waited more patiently, looking concerned.

It was both familiar and foreign.

You expected… more. Odile was so much more patient now, so much better at actually reading you, allowing her to get a handle on your moods. She knew when to push, and how hard, and she knew when to let it be. Isabeau and Mirabelle would be offering you a hug, some sort of physical contact that they now knew would soothe you. Bonnie would… either be offering snacks, or watching quietly. They'd learned that you tended to ignore your own distress upon realizing that they were watching your breakdown. By not doing anything to draw attention to themselves, they allowed you safe time by… letting you forget they were there. It worked. Often.

It also let them eavesdrop on things they probably shouldn't, but your family rarely had the attention to spare to send them off. They did leave on their own, when things got too overwhelming and they'd slip away to cry. Then, of course, once you were handled, the family turned to Bonnie. A tornado of hugs and assurances, with winds made of a very large amount of tears. At least half, yours. You felt weird about it still, but their family never brought the crying up after it happened, beyond comforting you in the moment.

"Siffrin… I have no memory of talking to you about that." Odile said slowly, when you had finished fiddling. She said it carefully, wary of triggering your emotions.

Stars. You could barely believe this.

"We haven't talked about it yet. We do, after the loops."

"After…?" Isabeau asked, his voice hushed with fragile hope. "Sif, you… you're from after the loops?"

You nodded.

They… weren't from after the loops.

Your family was dead.

The reactions of your old family were varied. Mirabelle burst into tears (expected. kinda). Isabeau didn't cry, but he covered his mouth, looking like he was fighting valiantly to control himself. Odile pulled out a notebook with such speed that it practically appeared in her hands. She stopped, and stared at it, not yet writing. Lost in thought. (Scary. It was hard to tell what she was thinking.)

Bonnie just looked confused. They wiped their eyes (still crying a little. You'd caused this), and asked shakily. "So, if you're from after… why are you here?"

You shrugged, like you were ambivalent about this. It'd fool none of them, but it felt... safer. "I'd guess… Wish Craft? Considering it started the whole thing."

About a week after you finished looping, until today-, it'd come to light the exact method in which you had looped. Mostly because you went for your own throat after… an episode.

Mirabelle learned not to wake you.

Stars, if Isabeau hadn't grabbed your other hand in an attempt to comfort you while you were frozen, drowning in the thought of 'I'm back, I'm back, I'm back, I'm back-', you would probably be dead.

Bonnie would have had to watch.

Bonnie had watched, this time.

Odile was right to confiscate your dagger then (and now), as much as it stung. By that point, you were probably strong enough that you could use your Piercing Craft to kill yourself even without it. Luckily, it took far more focus than you usually had during those episodes.

You were going somewhere with this thought, lost in your own head, but you didn't remember where.

Oh. Right.

Pandemonium.

That was the word for what happened everytime you said the word 'nova', your little code word for when you wanted so badly to go back that it made your hands twitch, when someone said one of their lines by accident and you were right back.

Sometimes you recited your script. Except…

You were the only one acting. The others- They watched you.

Horrified.

You didn't like to think about that. The faces your family made.

They.

Didn't.

Look

Right.

Being the only actor was no fun anyway!

Pandemonium. A word used in a play you'd once seen. You knew, more or less, that it meant chaos. You'd never once tried to say it aloud, and had your doubts that you even could.

You weren't doing very well at distracting yourself.

Odile dropped her notebook and rushed forward to grab you with an intensity that made them you. She didn't seem to notice, instead dropping to your level.

"Wish Craft?"

They… didn't know what that was yet.

That's okay. You could remind them. It was fine. People forget things all the time! Like lines! And scripts!

"The type of craft used by my country. The lost one. Everyone forgot it, so no one's doing it anymore. Thanks to the power generated by the number of Vaugardians who have been wishing, it's very, very strong. All that power, and no one knows how to let the Universe know what the actual wish is, and how to grant it. Any Wish made the right way will be a lot stronger than it should be. It's how my wish…" You shook yourself. "It's… not good."

"… Wish Craft…" Odile whispered to herself, mulling it over. "That stuff you told us about two loops- well, two… proper ones? It's real-" Her back snapped straight from where she'd been leaning down.

"Who made the wish?" Her eyes, sharp, intelligent, and hunting, scoured them all. You shivered. You remembered those eyes.

'Is that so.'

'Is that so?'

'So Time Craft has nothing to do with you?'

Always so smart. It was so wonderful to watch- when you weren't being the one stared down.

For a long moment, everyone was silent. A whole conversation occurred. You didn't pay much attention.

All eyes turned to Bonnie.

You whispered under your breath, "No, that's--"

"Boniface? Did you make a wish? Maybe one where Siffrin would remember?" Odile… gentled her voice. It was still- off. You could tell. She was angry. Like a predator. Was angry. At their. Cub?

You don't think that was a saying. It's a good thing you w e r e n ' t t a l k i n g.

Just listening!

'And the fact that you knew how to read that book about Wish Craft... Knew how to wish correctly, when no one else did...'

'It doesn't mean anything, either?'

Teehee! You were listening to two conversations at once! One new, one familiar. You only knew the script for one!

"It's not like that, I--" You whisper aloud. You play with your voice, making it sound as grand as you could, while whispering under your breath.

"I- I just-" Bonbon looked down, ashamed. Their hands clenched into fists. They sniffled. No one moved to comfort them.

Why not?

"I just wanted-" They whined, a pained sound in the back of their throat that they were clearly fighting off, about to cry.

No one moved.

"He always dies- a-and I can never- we can't- if they remembered, maybe-"

"Boniface. What was your wish? Word for word, if you can."

They shuddered.

No

One

Moved

You stepped forward-

'So if you can see me, and if I tell you I'm gonna touch you, it's fine?'

"Sure." You mumbled into their shoulder.

"Huh?"

'Huh.'

'Okay! I'll remember that.'

'So... Then...'

(Bonnie jumps up and down, making sure you watch them do it.)

They're in your arms, trembling. Scared. Scared.

' I am going to touch you now!!!'

You brace yourself.

Nothing comes.

"I- I wished that- Frin said we had to pick a leaf, so I picked the biggest one- I climbed really, really high! Really! And grabbed it! And asked- um…" They trailed off. You squeezed them a little more, and they sank into your shoulder.

Smaller than you were used to. They'd grown, until you'd turned back time.

But now

You're

Back!!!!!

So, of course they're smaller again! Just the right size to be crushed

"I asked… for Frin to remember the loops. And- that he'd be really, really strong, so he wouldn't have to die anymore, and be- happy."

Oh.

"Bonnie! You can't just- wish someone happy!" Isa gasped, "What if- what if you'd- made him eat his favorite food every day! What if he couldn't Change from being happy! You don't know how this works, Bonnie! You could have seriously-"

You laugh.

Laugh.

And

L a u g h .

Once you stop laughing, you cough, leaning away from Bonnie to do so. They're staring, looking stricken. They all are.

"You-" you giggle, "You got me! Happy me! Strong me! Me who remembers the loops! You got exactly what you wished for! A Siffrin who beat the loops, who got strong, who was happy! I went to-" you can't stop laughing because it's sooooooooooo funny, "therapy! I went to therapy! Me! I talked about my feelings, and you guys were so nice, and warm, and you guys di dn't think i'm dis gu s t ing any m o r e, or stupid or —" You stop, because the edges of your vision are dissolving into static.

Mira looks sick.

"Siffrin," Odile starts, when Isa stays frozen, "we- we don't think that. We never have."

"You don't have to lie!" You laugh, "We all remember! How much I failed! The boulder! The key taped to the underside of the drawer! Picking the wrong way! And that book! The one that says 'Marc's Super Awesome Great Amazing Super Duper Cool Notebook (DO NOT TOUCH!)!!! Of course you do! You're too nice to say it, but you do! Because all of you remember! Me! Failing! If we never looped, we'd have lost! It's frustrating!"

They're silent.

You know. You're right. They all look like they want to speak, but…

All look ashamed. No one does.

Loops don't… make the kindest people. You knew that. You'd come to terms with it.

It was impossible to stay kind, patient, and charitable when you were reliving the same BLINDING DAY OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

All of them, and… one of you. You know what they must think about you. How they have to lead you around by the nose to keep you alive, how they had to do your job for you.

You'd felt the same frustration, and it was spread out among all four of them! It was four people's frustration focused on one, here! You don't blame them! They shouldn't feel bad! They were right~

"It's okay! I understand! It makes sense! These things are so frustrating, and it's only me who doesn't remember! It happens! It makes sense!" You assured them with a smile that burned. You were hungry. It was a familiar ache, just like those awful last few loops. A phantom one, sure, since the nausea wasn't there, and the smell of burnt sugar was faint, almost unnoticeable. "Don't feel bad! I know how these things work…" You trailed off for a moment, looking down. "I guess… I'm your guide! This time! Like-" Loop.

"Call me…" Not Loop. Stars, not Loop. Surely it'd be fine? Something else? "S- Star-" dust. "Star. Yeah! Call me Star, since I'm not your Siffrin! I don't want to- take over their life. Hopefully they'll come back when you guys are out?"

If not.

You'll just…

Wish.

Yeah. That'd probably work.

Odile had theorized that Wish Craft was just as normal a Craft as Rock, Paper, and Scissors Craft were. That, when your homeland was… forgotten (destroyed?), Wish Craft, which was so deeply ingrained in your culture, was also forgotten about. So much so that even natural born Wish Craft types were never able to learn it. Perhaps, some minor wishes would occur, but nothing enough to be noticeable, since the knowledge of the proper rituals were lost.

So… part of that missing gap deep inside you, was the loss of your primary type. You, like Mira, were a dual type.

You learned.

You might be the first proper Wish Craft user since the Island was forgotten.

You… learned.

Remembered.

Little things. Any book in your language you could find, you read, devoured, chewing up whatever knowledge you could take from them. That FOUR-POINTED LEAF. The 'four-leaf-clover'. A useful tool. One you'd never known you could use.

'................You look  so weird.' A ghost of a child slips through the memory. You… remember?

'Are you from up in the sky?'

YOU'D LOOKED NORTH

THE ISLAND WAS

GONE

FROM YOUR MIND

AND

FROM THE OCEA

You looked up.

At the sky. You breathe in, and out.

"S-Siffrin! What happened?"

Mirabelle.

"Hey, Mira! It's okay! You're all right about me! I am pretty stupid, huh?"

Your head hurts. Something drips down your face. She stops at the sight, eyes wide and worried. The others of your- Siffrin's family are quick to follow.

"Sif- Star, what happened?"

"I thought too much! It happens!" You reassure them with a grin. The taste of iron drips into your mouth from somewhere higher on your face. You don't blink.

You savor the way it covers the taste of burnt sugar.

Odile nodded slowly. "Just… don't hurt yourself, Si- Star. We haven't even made it to the Clocktower yet, in… over a dozen loops now. I'd like to eat some of Boniface's delicious cooking soon." She patted Bonnie's head, who still looked distraught.

"Y-yeah… what do you guys want?" They asked carefully, kicking some grass to avoid their gaze. They didn't look at you.

"Maybe something simple, Bonbon?" Isabeau offered with a ghost of a smile on his face. "Since… you know?"

They nodded. "Y-yeah…" They stared at the ground for a while. "I'm… so sorry, Frin. I didn't mean to- to stop you from being happy- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be such a- a bad kid."

Oh…

You get up, and hug them again.

Warm. So warm. Their heart beats on your skin. Yours pounds.

(You would do it again.)

"I'll do it again."

Would you?

Could you?

Live through this again?

….. with them by your side?

Again.

Again.

Again.

"I'll do it again, Bonbon!" You smile. It hurts. Honesty. You'd learned- "I- I'm upset. And scared. I didn't think I'd ever be willing to do to Dormont again, even without- loops. And… I'm here. And it's scary. And upsetting. And you guys… don't remember. But… you also… remember more. You'll all be looping with me! So… It's different."

Ground rules. You have… a right to have boundaries. To… avoid triggers. You can't make them do stuff just for your comfort, but… you can still tell them…?

"I…"

"I have a codeword."

"Nova."

Mirabelle echoes it. "N-ov-a."

You nod.

"It's for when…" Your hand twitches toward your dagger, now on your belt again. Odile steps forward. You think she'll take it, but she waits, hand outstretched, and you. Hand it to her. "I want to… loop again. Even after… the loops ended. So… if I get too upset. I'll say it. I'll need… to leave. The… situation. And. Maybe. Need-"

You're disgusting.

That's… not helpful right now. You need to remember that. You- learned. You aren't back. You can't forget… the ways that you've Changed since then.

You hope that Mirabelle would be proud. That you didn't slide back. That- you refuse to. Or at least- will try. You'll try.

"…A hug…?"

Bonnie's arms tighten. "Yeah! I'll be- I'll be on hug duty! Since I brought you here! You're my- responsility."

"Responsibility."

"Responsibility. Yeah! I'll take care of you, Frin! Since it's my fault you're here!"

That sounded… nice.

"Uh… I'm deathly allergic to pineapple." You warned.

Silence.

"We… know."

Ah.

You can't help but giggle. "Did you guys loop back- because I ate a pineapple once?"

Mirabelle nods. She looks miserable.

"I guess you could call it…"

"Siffrin!!!!!" Mirabelle complained, only to freeze. Her eyes widened, and she covered her mouth. "Oh! Star! Star! I'm sorry!"

You grin. "A… un-fruitful loop?"

They groan. Even Isabeau. "Aw, Star! You can't-" He's laughing. He's fighting it, but he is. "You can't just joke about- choking to death!"

"I guess I don't really get…"

"STAR PLEASE"

"-choked up about it anymore."

"UGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Bad Star, very bad."

"HAHAHA!"

You got him.

"Don't-" You giggle. It's lighter. Less… deranged. "choke, Isa."

"Star!"

"Make sure to breathe." Okay, you were pushing it now.

"You CRABBING IDIOT!"

"HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"

"Sorry-" You apologized finally, like the liar you were.

You waited. One by one, they settled.

"-I know the constant puns can be suffocating!"

"FRIN!"

You laughed. Isa laughed uproariously, in that wonderful, loud way of his. The others groaned, but you could see the lightness it brought, how they relaxed and smiled.

Isa brought his hand up to touch your shoulder.

(Laughing uproariously, he raises his hand towards your shoulder...)

You.

watched it fall.

Waited for it to stop

It-

Landed?

His hand was on your shoulder. Warm. Warm. Warm. Seeping in.

He did it.

Your laughter choked off(Tee-hee! Pun! Now! You were very normal about this!) and you couldn't stop staring at his HAND. On your shoulder!

He stiffened.

Pulled away.

"S-sorry Star! I- been trying to- um-"

You can't stop staring at his hand. Watching it. Greedy for it. Please, you want to beg, please touch me again. Please.

It's still Isa.

Part of you had recoiled when you realized that they didn't remember you the way you remembered them. Like, if they didn't remember, then they must not be the real ones.

They are.

Real.

They might not know…

"I don't mind being touched or hugged." You smile. Hurts. Like. Always. "I'm just not used to it!"

Your family stares at you. None look convinced.

"I… I like it," You admit awkwardly, "when it's you guys. My-"

How close were they here?

"-friends."

Now… they looked like they'd just witnessed something adorable. A kitten sneezing. A puppy eating yummy scraps and pleading cutely for more.

Which was

Better?

You hoped? You smiled awkwardly.

It was small.

So small it didn't hurt- which made it want to grow, but you kept it there. Mira squeaked, covering her mouth in a good way, not a bad way, because her eyes were almost sparkling. She was bouncing on her toes, one good push from flailing her hands wildly. Even Odile had a rare smile on her face. Isa was… debating something. Heavily.

"Um. So. I could." Isa's face was a much darker shade than usual. His pitch, interestingly enough, was much higher. "Possibly. Hug you?"

You.

Nod.

Please?

You want him to hug you.

Things were still a little weird between you and Isabeau. He was… un-pushy. And–

That annoyed you.

You wanted to. Hold his hand. And hug him. And sleep on him. And crawl inside his skin, so he'd never stop touching you ever, and you'd listen to his heartbeat, and you'd never leave, and you'd lov-

Isa. Refused.

'I can't take- advantage, Sif!' He would say, or something like that. You were usually too upset to notice. The- the crabbing idiot! 'You need to get better, first! I don't want to- to mess you up while you're still healing!'

You'd never be back to normal!

You'd always be broken!

You'd Changed!

You were still you! Still-

Deserving of love-

even while broken.

Your therapist was… doing you good. You're glad that Odile had found them for you. You're glad you had let them push you into it, that you didn't just keep struggling on by yourself. They helped you. So much. (You didn't deserve it) But that was their job, helping people who didn't always deserve it. Because everyone deserved to… have a brain that was kind to themselves.

It was a… interesting introduction that you'd had with them.

Your brain wasn't kind to you.

It made sense. Loop wasn't either, and they were literally you. Nothing would make your self-hatred any more clear than that!

So.

Isa had frustrated you.

You think he was scared. To take advantage. While you were vulnerable, and desperate for love, so much that you… wouldn't say no? You were scared too, but you believed it'd be worth the risk. That the joy it'd bring would be worth it.

Isa didn't. Isa was scared. Your therapist had suggested that maybe he had some… trauma, from what happened. Like you did. Because. Seeing scary things. Was as scary as experiencing them sometimes. So he was being- too careful. Because he was also scared that he could trigger something accidentally.

They all had, of course. All of them had, at some point, triggered you. Saying their script accidentally. Saying something that reminded you. All the foods that Bonnie had made you guys was now banned, because you were too weak to handle-

Bananas and plantains, you didn't protest against. Because. The smell.

(The scent of the banana peel makes you want to throw up.)

But cookies! Just make! Chocolate ones! Or something! Peanut butter! You liked cookies!

Onigiri with plums! Just not apple slices!

But no, they insisted. None of them.

(You think.)

(Maybe-)

(It made Bonnie upset. To think of how you'd been forced to eat them, over and over again. How they'd… contributed.)

(To the trauma.)

(You wanted to hug them.)

(You didn't blame them at all. It'd be stupid to. It was- literally just food. That they'd made for everyone. They couldn't have known, unless you told them.)

(You hadn't told them)

"I'm… going to hug you now. If that's. Okay?" Isa asked awkwardly, drawing your attention back to him. They hadn't disturbed you from your thoughts at all, giving you time. It was sweet.

You nod.

He.

hugs you.

You hug back.

He's so warm.

so warm

s o w a r m

You're going to cry.

"Uh. Star? You alright buddy?"

You nod, and try to stop yourself from shaking.

"You're shaking."

Failure.

"I'm." Honesty. Was vital. Communication. Was key. How could they know what you want, what you feel, if you didn't tell them? "Warm. It's making me cry. Good."

Excellent use of the Vaugardian language, Siffrin, you almost sounded fluent. Stars, you could barely think right now.

"Oh, Si- Star…" Isa breathed out and- you felt it. He was breathing. Alive. This was real. "I'm happy that you're warm."

He kept hugging you for a good while. A hand on your leg made you flinch, jerking in Isa's grasp. He almost pulled away, his arms loosening, but you whined, and he hugged you tighter a moment later. And… so did Bonnie.

"I'll help warm you up, Not-Frin! I'm resposibile for you!"

Aw. Adorable. Sometimes you wondered if they messed words up on purpose because they knew it amused you all.

"Thanks, Bonbon." You say softly. You still flinch when Mirabelle joins in, but it's okay, because no one let go, and you were so, so, w a r m

It was wonderful.

Overwhelming.

Mostly wonderful. Even Odile, never the touchy-feely type, lays a hand on your hat.

(In this moment, you were loved.)

Eventually, your family pulls away, and you compose yourself. You'd been… silently crying, controlling yourself so hard it hurt, so that you didn't break the moment early. It was silly to cry over it, but…

Every group hug you'd been in recently, you'd cried.

Maybe it was that sinking feeling that your family couldn't last, that you could never have a good thing for too long. That you had to savor it, because it would disappear soon enough. Like it'd never been.

"Come." Odile took the lead, standing tall. "Lets regroup at the Clocktower. We need to talk about a lot, it seems."

Right.

Odile led the way.

Not you.

Of course not. Why let the only person who didn't know what was going on lead?

It looks the same. Quieter, less smells. Bonnie wasn't cooking this time. Your family scattered around the room, finding comfortable seats. Isabeau got you yours, ever the gentleman…

You shook yourself. Not the time.

"So, Star." Odile started, "how about you describe what your loops were like, from the start of the House, up to the King. We should compare, in case there's any differences."

You nodded slowly, taking your time to order all the events together. "Alright…"

"We walk in. There's a key in the room to the right, tonics in the left. A bell. The key opens the door to the Death Corridor. I need to hit the switch. We continue, and go right, get the crest, use the crest, get the egg key, go back left, get the sharpening stone, go left more, get the broken egg key, then go back to the center to go up."

Floor one. You glanced at Odile, who was writing in her book. She held up a finger, asking for a moment, so you let your eye slide away.

'Phew, Bonbon...'

'That was DE-LI-CIOUS!'

'You keep getting better at cooking, Boniface. Those samosas were delicious.'

'Really? It wasn't bad? You liked it?'

' I-I MEAN, OF COURSE IT WAS DELICIOUS. I'm a master cooker, you know!!!'

'Chef.'

'I'm a chef cooker!!!'

'That was the perfect meal, Bonnie! We'll all sleep well tonight and be full of energy tomorrow!'

' It was almost too much, to be honest... I don't think I can move...'

You let yourself smile at the half-heard conversation. You're staring blankly at the floor, listening to the ghosts of the past, and that's… normal. Probably.

You hear them. Actually.

That's.

Normal.

You're fine.

"It sounds like the first floor is generally the same. Let's save some time, alright? When we get to the Second Floor with Siffrin, we follow this basic plan: Right first, take the classroom key, Crest, backtrack, garden for tonics, Rock key, Library, Paper Key, backtrack, Scissors Key, then on to the next floor."

You blinked. That was… streamlined. It sounded right, so you nodded, and she continued. "We sometimes split this time, one team gets the Smiling Key, the other goes into the secret room to get the tonics. We regroup, head the other way, get the angry key and the bomb piece, then head back to get the crest, then towards the bathroom and Mirabelle's Change God statue. Keyknife, then north. Secret ingredient, Isabeau makes the bomb, and we fight the King."

"And…?" You prompt.

"It…" She trails off. Pained.

"Falls apart." Isa finishes.

"How?"

Mirabelle steps forward. She took a deep breath in, and out. "The King is… so strong. Stronger than we ever thought. His first attack…" She shuddered. "Even with the shield that I learned…"

"Have you won yet?" You ask. It… hadn't taken you all that long to beat him, from what you remembered? The big trial was getting there, then finding the shield. It had taken you maybe… four loops to find it?

(. . .)

(This wall feels different somehow...)

(But you don't see any switches or anything, so you leave it alone.)

Once you'd remembered to actually ask the Librarian back in Dormont, you'd found it the same loop. You'd remembered that blinding wall the MOMENT they said something about it.

"No."

Ah.

"I can beat him." You said with a nod to yourself. "I've done it before. We beat him maybe… forty or fifty times?"

They stare at you. Identical looks of… horror?

Why…?

OH!

"Beating him didn't break my loops." You explain. "I'm sure it'll end yours though! As long as we do it the right way!

Still horror??? WHY????

"Getting to the end was pretty awful, so I usually just…" Ah. Maybe you shouldn't say it? You just shrugged a little, "Uh. Let him win? Whenever I got there?"

Well, you usually just stab yourself with your dagger, but you probably shouldn't stay that.

"We're not upset about that, Star- Well, we kinda are, because he… kills us painfully, but that's not the point." Isa said carefully. "You said… forty or fifty loops? How many did you…?"

Ah. This question.

"Don't cry." You warned them, looking at them one by one firmly. "You guys always cry when I tell you!" They ALWAYS cried and you didn't know why. "You're all looping too this time!"

"Star. Buddy. If you keep stalling, I will cry anyway."

Isabeau was indeed already tearing up a little in anticipation. Stars! This question never failed to make you shudder.

"Three-hundred and fourteen."

Odile's book hit the floor.

Mirabelle hadn't even brought her hands up to cover her mouth like she normally did. She just stood there, disbelieving. You don't even see her take a breath.

"Star…"

"Isa!!!" You grin.

He's all blurry.

"Oh… Change, Star, how'd you even-" Isa choked on a sob (of course), needing to take a deep breath in, and out before speaking again. "How did you even…"

"I just… had to talk to you guys! We had to beat the King in a specific way, um…" You pause. The memories of that loop were blurry. You'd been in too much… the phrase your therapist had used was 'a fugue stare brought on by severe mental anguish due to repeat, inescapable trauma', but you'd probably just call it a daze. Simpler that way. Didn't feel like shards of glass on your tongue.

Probably something you should talk about.

Whatever.

"Mira had to… do something with her shield. Reflect the King's Time Craft back at him." You continued, the room so silent that your voice sounded loud. You were pretty sure you were whispering. "It freezes him in time. So… his Wish comes true. And then, I… well, I went a little crazy, I guess. Couldn't handle all the looping. We talked. My wish was to see Bonnie and Nille reunited, but- the Universe knows your intent, not just your words. My actual wish was…"

It still made you feel stupid. You'd honestly wished so hard to stay with them that you'd… trapped you all in a time loop for so long.

Oh.

"To stay with you guys!" You laugh, embarrassed. Then stop.

Which meant…

"But… our Siffrin isn't here." Bonnie whispered into the silence.

Stars. Could their wish not be granted now? Surely, if the Universe never broke the King's wish, even with the whole country wishing against it, it wouldn't prevent their Siffrin's wish from being completed just due to Bonnie's wish?

Right?

"Maybe if you all promise to stay together, and we beat the King right, the wishes will be filled?" You offered carefully. No one moved.

You needed to do something to get this moving. Everyone was just- looking sad and heartbroken and discouraged.

"Um, how many times have you all looped?"

"Thirty-seven."

Oh.

"Oh."

You sucked at looping.

"And- and every time!" Bonnie sobbed, "Every time, you die! Every time we reach the King, something happens! He hurts you!"

Odile nodded, letting the whole.. number of loops thing pass by unremarked. "Either he defeats you in battle or…" Her expression twisted. "Something… strange happens. You start talking about something. And the King starts talking too. We can't get you to stop. We can never get you to stop."

"About…?"

"It's…" She looked down. "Hard to hear."

Ah.

"We're from the same country."

All eyes snap back to you.

"I talked to him a lot, while looping. For a while, at least. I quit after…" You don't look at Bonnie. "Once, we tried to say it. My country's name."

'We can rebuild it, together!!!'

'Your power and mine!!!'

'We just have to wish for it!!!'

'We just have to ask!!!!!!'

'WE JUST HAVE TO SAY ITS NAME!!!!!'

You shiver.

"It kills me."

(Someone is screaming)

(You realize it's your own voice)

(your throat feels raw your head feels like it's splitting in two your stoma ch feels like a bl ack hole--)

(the scent of sug ar is all a rou nd you, so th ick yo u alm os t ga g o n it)

(yo u c a n ' t

h o l d o n t o a n y t h  i n g

a n y m o r e)

( y o u

You feel dizzy.

"We… know."

Why do you feel so strange?

You

think

you

can

say

it

"It's called-

You r he ad hu rt s

(YOU FEEL A TUG ON YOUR STOMACH.)

You're in the meadow again.

You don't bother getting up.

Isabeau finds you there, and rather than urge you to get up, lies down next to you. You're breathing too fast, so you take a breath in, and out. Again. And again.

"They're getting things ready for tomorrow. Since… talking just seems to be making things worse for you. I don't really do much besides… try to cheer everyone up. It's-" He sighs, and rolls over, facing you. "getting harder every time."

You sigh too. "I know."

He looks away. "I'm sorry. You said that you were looping by yourself? And for so- so long?"

You nod silently.

It's quiet.

You rarely stay so long in the meadow while looping. It's nice. You can't see the stars from here, but you can watch the clouds as they drift by. It's nice. Peaceful. You can't remember choosing this place for a nap, but… you know why you would.

Eventually, he gathers his courage to reach out and hold your hand. You stay there until the sun sets.

Until the stars appear in the sky.

Until Mirabelle comes to get you two.

(Tomorrow, once again, you'll go into the House, and fight the King.)

Tonight, you all sleep in a pile. Beds pushed together. Blankets strewn about. You're curled up next to Isabeau, and Bonnie's half on top of you, and Odile's knee is under your shoulder and you're so WARM.

Tomorrow, the King.

You wake up in the Clocktower.

The CLOCKTOWER

(Something's changed. Has the script been edited without your notice?)

(How unprofessional of the Universe!)

You stand.

You leave the tower.

Stop in front of the House's Door.

'The House's Gate, huh?

'It's bigger than I thought! So scary!'

'It really is locked shut. I can see space for us to put the Orbs...'

'This whole adventure... This whole journey...'

'After all this time... I can finally open it!'

(You clench the Orb tightly between your hands.)

Nothing happens.

Huh?

For a moment, you stare dumbly at the orb in your hands. It looks normal. Why isn't it…? You hold it up again.

Nothing.

You look over your shoulder, a question on your tongue, only to find emptiness.

Actually, it's literally dawn. Right now.

You woke up too early. Before your family did.

OOPS.

Awkwardly, you turn around and walk back to the Clocktower.

"-if! What if something happened?! We knew he wasn't doing well, we never should've-" Mirabelle.

"We should have set a watch!" Odile.

"I- I don't think he would have-" Isa. "he seemed okay, I thought… Maybe waking up here…?"

Oh. You worried them.

OOPS!

"I'm back!" You threw the door open, too hard, enough that the room fell quiet. "Sorry!"

"Frin! You're back!" Bonnie was the first to move, running at you and throwing their arms around your middle. "Why'd you leave us!"

You laugh nervously. "I WOKE UP TOO EARLY!"

Too loud. You laugh again, shaky. "I thought- it was time to go! I'm never up early! I just- ah- walked out! And the gate didn't open! And I realized it was only dawn!"

Pity. All of their faces. Bonnie looked up at you with big, sad eyes.

Okay. Time to cheer them up some. You can do it, Sif.

"Guess I'm a little…"

"NO!"

Can't stop you.

"LOOPY, THIS TIME AROUND!"

"UGH!!!!"

"BAD!"

"Star!

"AHAHAHA!"

Might as well go full stop.

"Want to hear the worst-timed joke I've ever heard? Isa told it to me!"

A chorus of nos and one enthusiastic nod.

"Why shouldn't you take up time travel?"

You could've heard a pin drop in the silence. Isa's excitement turned into horror.

"…why?"

This was still so BLINDING FUNNY.

You voice shakes but you're smiling so hard , it hurts it hurts it hurts- "Because there's no future in it!"

Utter silence. Isa's eyes are wide, but his mouth is open, horrified.

He starts to laugh.

"Oh CHANGE, that's AWFUL!" He can't stop laughing, looking guilty, and soon enough neither can you, and you're both filling the silence with utterly disgusted delight.

"Only you two could laugh at a joke that awful." Odile complains, her arms folded with disappointment.

"It is an awful joke, though!!! I'm so sorry!!! Hahahahaha!!!"

You shrug. "It had some… bad timing."

You're on a roll today with the time puns. Isa wipes his eyes when he's finally able to get himself under control, taking deep, steadying breaths.

"Do we have everything we need? That… bomb thing?" Mirabelle asked once their hysteria had died down. "Enough tonics?"

Everyone nods slowly as Mirabelle looks around. She nods too, satisfied. "Alright. Once more, then?"

(The curtain rises once more.)

(Encore, encore, encore!)

"We're with you!" Isa claps his hand on Mira's shoulder, grinning at her. "Until these loops end, we're with you, Mirabelle!"

"Agreed.

"Crab yeah!"

(Until the end.)

You don't say anything. Just nod.

When you leave, you remember something.

"One moment!" You call, waving them on. The kids are usually out playing again already… so…

There they are! You run up to the kid.

(The kid still dances as she looks at you curiously.)

"Hi!"

"................You look  so weird."

You nod.

"Are you from up in the sky?"

Dramatically, you bow, holding your cloak out. "I am!"

"Yesssssssss... I knew it... If you're from the sky then... I'm going to give this back to you." You accept the leaf from her with a grateful smile.

(You got a FOUR-POINTED LEAF!)

(You put the leaf in your pocket along with your Souvenirs.)

"It fell from the sky, but I'm giving it back."

"Thank you for this gift." You nod to the girl regally, making her giggle.

You hurry back.

Why'd you put it in your pocket? Just… muscle memory. You needed it right now.

"What's that, Frin?" Bonnie asks, reaching up to pull your arm down low enough for them to see it. "A leaf?"

"A four-leaf clover! It can be used for Wish Craft!" You explain with a smile. You spin the clover idly as you explain. "It's supposed to be great luck!"

Your head hurts, so you stop there.

"You're going to make another wish?" Odile asked, critical. You nod anyway.

"This all happened, as far as we can tell, because my country is…" You stop, because your head hurts more. "It all built up. Wishes built up. Those that were made properly had too much power. Things that shouldn't have been able to happen, happened. So, using Wish Craft keeps it from overflowing so much! It's good! For the Universe!"

Your peripheral vision is nothing but static. You stop talking.

Gradually, your vision returns.

"-kay? Star?"

"I'm okay! It takes a few minutes for it to stop hurting when I'm remembering too much. I didn't loop! Don't worry!" You assure them. They don't look assured.

Probably because they watched you die from it probably thirty times already! Yay! They remember!

"Your wish will be…?" Odile prompted.

"Oh! Right!" You look down at the four-leaf clover in your hand. You bring it to your mouth, covering your lips with your other hand.

"Good luck."

"Good luck."

"Good luck."

Three didn't feel good enough this time around. What were some lucky numbers…?

"Good luck."

"Good luck."

"Good luck."

"Good luck."

Seven. That felt right.

You cup the four-leaf clover in your hands and blow, shutting your eye so you don't see where it landed. It was with the Universe now.

"And that… that's a wish now? For good luck?" Mirabelle asked, looking at your empty hands, still cupped as if to hold the leaf. You nod, letting your hands fall. Her shoulders are tense, anxious.

"It is! We'll definitely break the loops this time, alright?" You smile at her, a small, painless thing. She smiles back, her posture relaxing.

"Yeah! We're all together now! We can do this!"

Finally, you walk in the House again.

Because you're BACK IN THE BLINDING BUILDING again! Bonnie and go Mirabelle go left, Odile goes right, and you and Isabeau stand there, despite your fierce urge to take the lead and do everything your self.

(Ding ding!)

You catch it.

"Ding ding!" Isa cheers. Mirabelle, key in hand, echoes it.

You smile.

"Ding ding!"

You start to go forward, but Isabeau stops you with an outstretched arm.

Warm.

Odile forges on ahead, tense, wary, and flips the switch. Isabeau lets his arm drop.

"I did know about the trap, Isa." You tease. He flinches, startled, as if he didn't expect you to talk. His face darkens.

"Oh! Right! Sorry! It's just- habit!"

You laugh, and pat him on the shoulder. "It's fine! Don't forget, we're all looping together!"

Shamefaced, but still smiling a little, he nods.

Odile had already crushed the first Sadness, and was well on her way fighting through the next two. She still didn't have wide-range attacks, but you could tell she was far, far stronger than you were used to.

"Stay back, Star!" Mirabelle calls, and the other three race on ahead, finishing the battle in the blink of an eye.

"… I can fight, too." You remind them when your family regroups.

You understood. Habit was… a strong thing to fight against. If you'd really died so many times, it was no wonder they were trying to protect you.

But Stars, you wanted to fight. There was a pain in your heart, watching them fight without you. You were the strongest. You couldn't let them fight alone! Your family!

You might not be, anymore. You didn't know.

Surely three-hundred and fourteen of your loops had made you stronger than they'd gotten with thirty-seven of theirs?

One very strong person alone was still outmatched by three strong people (plus Bonnie), together.

You moved on to the rest of the floor.

Smoother than butter.

You would barely manage to lunge forward before Mirabelle or Isabeau's wide-range attacks had wiped out any enemies in your path. You weren't slow- they just took the lead, and Bonnie was always holding your hand, pulling back slightly to slow you down, like-

Like they probably had to do. At some point, your fighting became a hindrance, instead of a help. Instead of a reliable ally, you'd become another person to protect.

The next battle, you stayed back. You snapped your fingers, boosting their speed, and did nothing else.

"Thanks, Siffrin!" Someone called. You could probably tell, if you cared enough, but you didn't. You just looked at the floor.

You got the Crest. Then the Egg Key. You cracked your hip on the BLINDING COUNTER AGAIN AND YOU KICKED IT SO HARD IT DISINTEGRATED AND YOU HAD TO WALK THROUGH THE BLINDING RUBBLE TO GET THE KEY.

You're fine.

They're staring at you.

"TWO HUNDRED BLINDING LOOPS!"

No one says a word.

You and your family moved on.

You stopped to grab the sharpening stone, waving them on without you. You think you're going to scream! You want to stop for a minute!

"You sure, Si- Star?" Isabeau asked, worried, and you nodded cheerfully. "Go ahead! I'll be fine!"

They left, Mirabelle in the lead. Bonnie stayed with you.

"Are you alright, Frin?" They asked as you pocketed the sharpening stone and stared into the forge. You nodded absently. "Are you sure?"

"I think I feel the way you do, Bonbon." You admit. "When we make you stay out of a fight."

"Oh." They understood. "Sorry. You… died a lot."

You laugh helplessly. "I know. I'm sorry. I promise, I'm stronger now. I won't get hurt."

"Maybe against the big ball head?"

That could work.

"Maybe!"

You and Bonnie wait outside the door, and soon enough hurried footsteps urge you to stand and greet your returning family. Odile holds up the key, and your party carries on.

First floor down, and onto the big Sadness. Like before, they rush forward.

The ball flashes, showing a Rock symbol.

Paper then.

You flash Bonnie a smile and snap your fingers, speeding everyone up.

Mirabelle's Artsy Silent Burst. Isabeau's punch. Odile's Paper α VI

VI? Wow, she has gotten stronger.

You step forward.

"Sif, stay back!"

Tear You Apart!

Your open palm hit hands, your dagger slapping into the Sadness with a loud smack sound. For a moment, the feeling of a Jackpot attack washes over you, and you draw back to join in the group attack-

The sadness falls apart.

OOPS. TOO HARD!!!

"Uh…" You laugh nervously. (Please don't be scared of me) "Guess I took a page out of your book, Odile!"

She stares at you.

She…

LAUGHS??????

"We're being idiots!" She says with a grin, shaking her head, "This isn't the same Siffrin. We don't have to protect him. I think he might be stronger than us, right now."

Ah. Not from your joke.

Someday.

"That was so cool, Star!" Isa gushes, trotting up to you with a big grin. "You really are super strong!"

You relax as their praise washes over you. This was.. good. You didn't scare them.

You and your family move on to the next floor. You fully expect to pause at the safe-room, but they continue, so you trail after them. No time for snacks!

Your stomach grumbles.

Bonnie grabs your hand as your family moves through the right-side rooms, collecting the Crying Key and crushing the Star-shaped Sadness that guards the crest. "Here," They hand you an apple, "we stop for a break after the second floor. Then before we reach the King. Tell me if you're still hungry. I didn't have much time for cooking yesterday."

Fair enough. You munched on your apple as your family tore through the floor with ease.

There weren't any out of place Sadnesses, like you'd grown accustomed to. Was this because they hadn't reached the Head Housemaiden yet?

By the time they'd collected the Rock key, you'd polished off the apple and found nowhere to put the core.

Hm. What to do…

You shrug.

You ate the core.

As Mirabelle grabs the Paper Key, you pick up the crumbled poem, smoothing it out and tucking it away in your pocket.

This was the easiest loop you'd ever gone through! You should've talked to them way earlier, when you were the one looping, if it would've made things like this!

They start to leave.

… but…?

"Are we not looking in the secret library?"

They stare at you. Odile's attention especially snaps to you as she straightens to her full height, which is… intimidating. "The secret what?"

"… Secret Library?" You repeat, stepping forward and pressing the switch. The door opens. "Where… you learned the shield technique? Using the CARROT method?"

Mirabelle drops the Paper Key. "The CARROT method! I forgot- it- that would have been so much easier! Change! I could've learned the shield so much sooner if I remembered that!"

You laugh. "You didn't ask the Librarian in Dormont about any books about shields, did you?"

She shook her head, groaning. "No! I went straight to practicing!"

"Come on. There's some books on Wish Craft I can read for you guys." You motion for them to follow you, stepping into the lead-

-diving out of the way as the Sadness in the corridor lunges for you.

Slicing down.

(Just attack.)

The Sadness dissipates before the others can do so much as leap forward, trying to get between you and the Sadness. You breathe in, and out. Then, you smile at them, proud, because they're looking at you in shock, worry, and more than a little surprise at your strength. "Come on!"

First, letting the others spread out throughout the room, you find the Shield book. "Here, Mira! There's something in this about making shields that reflect attacks? Maybe you can figure it out before we fight the King, so we can finish him off using the same method as my family used?"

Something about that made Odile raise a brow, considering. You didn't know what. But for a moment, you were staring down an Odile who figured out too much about the loops. You shiver. Your hand shakes.

Mirabelle takes the book, starting to read with wide eyes. Odile starts the list of checked-out books, eyes gliding down the page, hungry, searching.

"The only familytale I know about is the Paperasse Familytale. It was checked out by, uh… the man who runs the boulangerie?" You wince. "Oh, sorry! I should've told you before we went in! His daughter is the one who has it!"

Odile shook her head slowly. "It's fine. Either we'll get it next loop, or…"

Once this was all over.

You nodded.

"There's a book on color theory, if you want to read it."

"Like that weird shade we see when you-" Bonnie started their sentence excited, but cut themself off. "Um. When we loop back, when fighting the King?"

When you die.

"Yeah, Bonbon. That one's a color, which we see when something breaks, usually a Wish. Colors have always existed, but something happened that made us lose the ability to see them. The Wish… fades? Loses its strength? When something very bad is happening. Like, a Wish breaking. The first color that's usually seen is a 'visceral' shade. It makes you think of blood, and bodies and stuff, right? It's the only color I've seen so far."

The others had stopped to listen to your explanation.

Odile looked… proud? Why?

"That sounds right, Star!" Isa said happily, leafing through the book. "That's… pretty cool! Besides— you know!"

You nodded uneasily. "Yeah…"

After about half-an-hour, during which you examine some of the other books you'd never bothered with, Mirabelle finally jumps to her feet with a gasp, and a grin. "That's it! It's so simple! I can't believe I never thought of it before! I've just got to-" She continues for another five minutes or so, describing the intricate, bewildering way she had to form the shield to get it to be reflective. You zoned out. You barely understood more than a word or two, anyway.

"Alright." Odile calls finally, laying a proud hand on Mirabelle's shoulder. "We all want this over with, and I'm getting hungry. Let's go. Well done, Mirabelle."

You… take the book with the big, sparkly tree on the cover, and read it as you walk. You hadn't been able to handle even re-entering the House of Change, once the loops broke, so you'd never gotten the chance to read the book fully. Now that you used Wish Craft more regularly, it would be pretty handy.

You wanted to find something faster. Something you could use in battle. Surely there would be something?

You'd only made it a chapter, the introductory chapter, by the time you and your family reached the main door.

The pair.

You snap your fingers.

Faster. Faster. Faster.

Like you usually had them do, Mirabelle attacks the rightmost Sadness, slashing it deeply. Isabeau gives up his turn, and you feel a burst of speed. Perfect.

Buy One Get One Three

You slash, once, twice, three times, and you can tell that they hit hard. Odile follows up with a much stronger than usual slash. Three out of five attacks. Before it can even move, your turn is up again, and you land another heavy blow.

Knife To Meet You

The paper half of the Sadness dissolved, before its pair could do a thing.

The remaining half wailed. Nothing else. Just wailed, sobbing.

Mirabelle attacked once more, a normal slash, and you felt it. That feeling, deep in your heart, like somehow, your heart was synced with your family's hearts. You fall back, at the same time as everyone else. You raise your dagger, as Odile raises her book, Mirabelle her rapier, Isabeau his fists.

You strike. Together.

The remaining half didn't even attempt to move, dissolving with another sob.

"It's always so sad… It doesn't really love that other one, right? It would eat it, if it got the chance?" Mirabelle whispered, staring at the empty spot. You had no answer.

"Don't worry about it too much, Mira. They're together now, right?"

"…Right."

Food! Please!

Bonnie caught your hopeful glance, and giggled. They ran ahead to the safe-room and held their hands up, fists clenched and eyes bright. "MY TIME! MY TIME! MY TIME TO BE THE LEADER!!!!"

They pumped their fists. "IT'S LUNCH TIME, BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!"

Adorable. Your stomach grumbled.

(Your stomach hurts.)

(Why does your stomach hurt so much?)

(Why are you so hungry?)

(You feel like you've been hungry for years!)

(You feel like you could eat the whole world, and still not feel full!)

You flinched. Your ears buzzed. For a moment, you couldn't hear them as they set up camp, and Bonnie bounced around, getting out everything they needed. You weren't nearly as hungry as before, but sometimes just the sensation of it, the feeling of hunger, was enough to take you back.

Bonnie started a small fire, appearing to be… heating something?

That was new.

The smell.

New.

Without thinking, you walk up to them, staring down.

"Ah! Frin! Back up! Lunch is a surprise!"

You back up.

It smells.

So good.

You settle down on the ground, against the wall, to watch, but it smells so good. You're drooling. Your stomach is grumbling.

"… Star?"

Odile.

You tear your gaze away from Bonnie's cooking to meet Odile's sharp eyes. They're softer now, and she kneels, so she doesn't loom so heavily over you. "Can I ask you some more questions?"

You nod.

She sits down next to you, groaning a little as she lowers herself to the ground. Once she's seated and comfortable, she speaks, keeping her voice low.

"The King… you've gotten further into the fight than we have. Do you have any tips? A good strategy? We already have the short gizmo-gadget, and the long thingy-thing, and we know where the secret ingredient is, so we can make the bomb. After so many times beating him, what do you think we should do to maximize damage?"

OH! YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU CAN HELP!

"OH! Well, he always gives us a while before his first future vision attack! We usually have enough time to attack at least once before sending up Mira's…" You pause. "Well, if Mira can figure out how to reflect the attacks… then we might not need to fight.

"Still," she urged, "It could come in handy."

Right.

"Well, he usually does it again if we can't beat him soon enough. Otherwise, when he's getting badly wounded, he… cries? And makes these weird Sadnesses. They can heal him a lot. That's when it's best to use the bomb. It takes it out and damages him. Otherwise, a Jackpot skill might be good."

"Okay! Lunch is ready!"

You scramble to get to your feet, miss your grip, your hand sliding down the wall, and clunking your head loudly with an 'oof' that had you seeing stars before you managed to get upright. Good thing for your hat. You hurry over. "What is it, Bonbon?"

…

"Bonbon?"

They're… looking at you-

Why do they look so horrified?

"… Bonbon?" Your heartbeat was the only sound you could hear, pounding, pounding. You'd messed up. You'd done something wrong, and you didn't even know what. The walls of the blinding house were closing in on you, your every breath sputtering in your chest (you didn't deserve to breathe, you'd ruined everything). Static. Static.

YOU WANT TO GO BACK

(YOU FEEL A TUG ON YOUR

Bonnie dropped the plate of food. They were shaking?

"You're… alright, Sif? Uh- sorry, it's so hard to call you Star sometimes!" Isabeau is the first to speak, sounding shaken. When you nodded, confused, he let out a shaky breath, before breathing in, then out. "Good. That's- good. Um. Sorry! You, um, died by hitting your head before, and the-" his hands were shaking, "the sound! Was similar! So. I think you just scared us!"

Oh. Like how you'd freaked the first time you met Nille, and they… hugged Bonnie so hard that they'd shouted, "you're crushing me!"

Even though they were happy, even though they'd been giggling, they'd been crying in equal measure.

You kinda… tackled Nille. And- threatened her with your dagger.

Tried to stab her.

Not. A good first impression. You still cringed at the memory. Sure, they'd pulled you right off her, and she'd been nice about it ('anyone who tries to protect Bonnie so ferociously is a friend to me!'), but it still was so… terrible. You were terrible. Why did they even love someone like you?

(You can't think like that, Siffrin. Would your friends really love someone who was 'terrible'? Is anyone in the world completely unworthy of love? Is that even possible?)

(…No. I guess not. Even the King loved his country. So much so that he tried to protect Vaugarde from the same fate.)

(So how exactly are you… so uniquely unloveable?)

(… I guess… I'm not…?)

(Exactly, Siffrin. I know it's hard to hear, that you might not want to, but it's the truth. They decided to love you, all on their own. You were simply you, nothing more, nothing less. Past, and present. No matter how you Changed, willingly or not, you're still you. And every version of you is worth loving, exactly as you are.)

(… okay.)

You breathe in, and out.

"I'm alright." You look your family in the eye, one by one. "Really. Sorry for scaring you. I know… how it feels, to be reminded of how people you loved have died. I promise, I'm okay."

Bonnie's little body (crushed, broken, bloody) crashes into you hard, and next thing you know, they're sobbing into your stomach. You drop down, pulling them upwards until their face was buried against your neck, and you could hug them properly.

You don't know what to do next.

Isabeau laughed wetly, joining in the hug by wrapping an arm around your shoulders, and leaning into you. His body against yours was so… warm.

It felt like you'd been cold all your life, until the moment that your family touched you.

Odile wasn't the type to hug, so she went to clean up Bonnie's dropped food, gathering it onto the plate and placing it aside on the floor. Mirabelle, far less adverse to touch, joined in on your other side. It looked like she'd cried a few tears for a moment before pulling herself together. Her breathing was still hitched.

Even now, you were still hurting them. You weren't even looping!

You just… hurt people. That's what you were good for.

Ugh. You could feel your therapist's eyes digging into your back.

That's a dumb thing to think. There? Happy? Pointless, and- and wrong too.

(It didn't make it feel any less true.)

Once Bonnie finally stopped crying, wiping tears from their eyes, they pulled away.

"You- you better not get hurt again this time, Frin! That's an order! From your- your… um, super officer! Yeah! That's me!"

Super officer? Mystified, you nod. You'd salute them as goofily as you could manage, if you weren't still sandwiched between Isa and Mira and feeling… soupy. You were sure if either pulled away, you'd just splat on the ground bonelessly, unable to move your muscles enough to break your fall.

It was wonderful. You weren't even hungry anymore. Full, full of warmth and love and that empty space under your skin that constantly sucks on your flesh from the inside, eating away at you-

But right now! You're okay! The void is gone!

Despite your cloak, you'd always felt cold. Your whole life, it felt like. Long before you met them. You'd been aching, Wishing, for something like this, until the day your family started touching you more and finally, finally, that void was filled. It was wonderful. Your eye burned.

"Here." Bonnie's voice made your eye open, and you blinked at them, startled, as they held out… some sort of dumpling? "Eat up. You need to be strong! And you look crabbing awful! So eat!"

That… wasn't anything you'd seen them make before. You blinked at it owlishly for a long moment.

"Uh, Star? You gonna take it, buddy?" Isa asked as you stared at it a bit too long.

"Mhm."

"… anytime soon?"

"Mmm." You aren't sure you could convince your muscles to move.

Someone giggled. Mirabelle took pity on your paralysis and took the proffered plate, taking the chopsticks from Bonnie. They gave you a look of judgment, then rolled their eyes exaggeratedly, in a full circle, and returned to filling the others' plates.

Mira fed you a dumpling.

You burst into tears.

You didn't realize how wonderful it was to not be alone, finally, in the House. Bonnie remembered. Isabeau remembered. Mirabelle remembered. Odile remembered. Your whole family. They were with you.

"Aww, Sif…" Isa was holding you up now, his voice soft, and gentle, "I'd ask if it was really that good, but of course it was. And… probably a lot of other stuff too. You're okay. Don't worry, Bonnie knows you liked it." He spins you around carefully, so he can hold you in much the same way you'd held Bonnie a short time ago, your face pressed into his shoulder.

Still crying, probably making the ugliest face, you nod into his shoulder. It really was that good. You can barely even see him, it's all just a blur.

It took several minutes for you to stop, to be able to to pull away, and when you do, Bonnie shoves a hot plate in your hand, then a glass of water. Looks like they'd kept your food warm for you. There's a little dipping container of soy-sauce too.

You ate the whole plate of dumplings.

Then a second one.

Then.. a third one, but you were full towards the end, only two dumplings left. You offered them to Isa, who accepted them with raised eyebrows.

Wish Craft was tiring! You needed lots of food to fuel it!

"So… we all liked them?" Bonnie asked once everyone was done and full, holding Odile's notebook for some reason.

"Yeah! They were so good, Bonbon!" Isa offered them a high-five, leaning towards them to reach, and you slumped against his side. When he straightened, he merely lifted you up for a moment, before setting you back down, tucked neatly against his side.

(Warm warm warm warmwarmwarmwarmwarmwarmwarmwarm)

"Delicious, Bonnie!" Mira clapped her hands enthusiastically.

"Excellent." Rare genuine praise, from Odile.

"Perfect! Delicious and filling! So-y good!" You grin.

Bonnie looks at you, disgusted. You smile so wide it hurts.

They write something in the book, and hand it to Odile. "Gyozas are good. We should keep the recipe."

Gyozas…

You knew that word!

"Those Ka Buan dumplings! From the book in the House Library!" You said excitedly. "You made them!"

Bonnie grins. "Yeah! 'Dile found most of the ingredients last- uh… a few loops ago! And she managed to buy or trade for them all before we left! Za helped me form them! Since I already made most of them, I just had to fry them here!"

This recipe… you'd never read the whole thing. Just listened to Bonnie as they talked about it. That final loop… they hadn't gotten the chance to find the book again. So you'd never gotten to try it.

Now, finally, you could say there was definitely one good thing that came out of that blinding House. And it was gyozas.

And, you know, the world not ending, and you getting to travel with your family even longer, and other stuff. Mostly gyozas.

Once your family had helped clean up (Cooker doesn't clean, Bonnie's rules)(fair), it was onto Floor 3. Finally.

You and your family moved slowly. For some reason. Maybe it was that you all were full and happy, still digesting your meals, maybe it was that you'd gone through the previous floors so fast, or maybe just how strong you all were, but you felt no urgency.

You and your family took a nice family picture. For once, everyone was smiling. Everyone prepared. You tucked the picture away on the inside pocket of your cloak, over your heart. It felt right, warm, even though you weren't directly touching anyone. They would brush against you as you walked, all of them, and you might flinch a little, but they didn't pull away.

(In this moment, you are loved.)

The Smiling Key claimed, you went back down, and led the way through the secret passage to claim the large stash of tonics. You honestly didn't think you would use it, but if worst came to worst, it wouldn't hurt to have.

Time to head to the west wing. The bonded pottery teacher received her earring, thanks to Isabeau, who had apparently remembered to grab it. More tonics.

Mira got the short gizmo-gadget, the others retrieved the Angry key, and they headed down.

Skipping the other room.

Hm.

"Do you guys know how to open the door?" You asked, halfway down the hallway.

"With the Crying key? Yeah! We grabbed that." Isa said, smiling. You stopped.

"The door. Over there?" You point back towards it. Everyone stops.

"We're idiots. Siffrin can read that." Odile put her hand to her forehead, as though pained, then winced.

This going by Star thing wasn't working out well, was it? You'd intended to try and keep your distance from them, to act like… (Loop) but it just didn't work. They were too similar. Too close. They were your family.

"Sorry- Star," Odile corrected herself, "Star can read whatever is written above the door."

"Siffrin." You decide finally. "It's… you guys are my family, you're too similar, I can't really pretend… Just make sure your Siffrin knows that you don't love me more than him, alright? I've… dealt with the whole other me thing once already, I know how he'll probably feel."

"Other me-" Odile started to question, before shaking her head, "forget that. Siffrin, you can open the door?"

You nod, and lead the way.

(You can read it, now.)

(...)

(It's asking a question.)

(You answer it aloud.)

(The door unlocks.)

"Huh...? What did you say, Sif?" Isabeau asked, confused.

"I couldn't hear it either... Did you say something...?"

(You open the door.)

"-frin? Can you hear us?"

What?

"What?"

"You looked…" Mirabelle put a hand on your shoulder, making you flinch, and didn't pull away. "Lost in your head? Are you alright? You… said something there. We couldn't hear it."

"Yeah…" you whisper. You don't know why. It felt appropriate to speak quietly. "It was in… my language. The lost one."

"The same one that the word 'Stars' comes from?" Isa asked.

He said it. Not the translation. The word. In your language.

It figured that he would learn the curse words first.

"Yeah." You giggle. "Same one."

"What's funny?"

"That- that version is-" You giggle more, "basically crab."

"The word for just normal stars is," You say it. Isabeau's eyes widen, and he winces. "Both just translate the same.

"Stars!" Bonnie announces.

"Stars." Odile repeats with mock frustration, smirking.

Mirabelle, laughing, attempts to echo your second word, the non-curse variety. You repeat yourself, slowing down, and she tries again. "St-Stars!"

You clap.

"I totally asked that guy basically what the word crab meant." Isabeau whined. "I didn't know there were two words for it!"

"One is," you say reassuring (once you stop laughing), "the actual word. Scientific. The other is basically… addressing them? Like, if you say crab and mean crab, or you say crab, like, talking to a crab. Stars (curse version) is basically saying, look at this, Stars (word version). It calls the attention of… the Universe? At least, that's what it's supposed to do, according to my parents, it's just a curse word now."

Isabeau talks again, careful, measured, and it's Odd. You don't know why. "Do you want to go in, then Sif?"

Oh. They must be tired of linguistics. After all, they hadn't been able to explore the room this whole time! It probably bugged them, just like that locked door in Dormont had. You lead the way in.

It's just as you remember.

By pure instinct, you brush your hand over the star charts, trailing your fingers along the faded paper.

Why not?

You pull one out, laying it across the floor to stare down at it. You wish you had a window to look out of, to compare it to the sky. You could always go the wrong way and head to the observatory this loo-

No.

You couldn't.

You were not the only one looping now.

After, then. What a strange thought.

You wonder if you could see a star you could recognize on the map. Something that you could look for, once you reached the top of the House. Something…

You unroll another one.

None of your friends had stepped any further than the first part of the room, not even to the barrel of star charts, for some reason. You wonder why. Isn't this room wonderful?

"in? Siffrin?"

This chart doesn't have the Star. Not the one you're… not thinking of. The one hovering around the edges of your brain, teasing.

Stars were mischievous beings. That's why the curse was made. An invitation. They loved drama. They loved to be invited into arguments between people, to watch trouble as it happened. That's why it wasn't frowned upon. You and your people were just entertaining them. It was a good thing, because they helped grant wishes, after all! The more entertaining you were, the more Stars liked to watch you! At least, that's what you remembered from your grandfather's teasing words. You hadn't been very good at Wish Craft, as a child. He was just reassuring you. Probably.

You'd thought about that before.

(Stars.)

(The Universe is watching you.)

(It has to, right? There has to be a point to all this, right?)

("Please enjoy the show", you think, and "Curse you for clapping, for watching, for not doing anything to help, why aren't you helping me, why aren't you leading me, please tell me what to do, please, please, please".)

You pushed the sound away. The memory. You had a star to find.

"Buddy, can you hear us? We don't want to…"

Not on this chart.

Next.

"What are you thinking about right now? Can you tell us?"

You answer the half-heard question absently (where was it coming from?) "I need to find a star. These charts… they'll have it. Somewhere."

"What's it look like?"

"Uh… I don't know. I'll know it when I see it." You wave the Star speaking to you off. "Sorry, it's hard to focus. There's an Orrery over there. It shows…" You grab the next chart. It doesn't look right either. The pile is getting taller. You should start putting it away, but you can't or else- "the positions of planets and stuff. Try and find ours."

Like your teacher had always told you and your classmates to do. It had never failed to cause an argument. You're smiling a little at the memory.

You liked to pull the levers to make it spin whenever someone got close to reaching it.

You little troublemaker.

"Our WHAT?"

You laugh. Even though your ears are buzzing, you still hear it. This Star sounds like Bonnie.

Next one.

This one has something familiar. It's not it. No, you need the… the bigger one. You toss the chart away, moving through the next one, then the next, just as quickly.

You open the last chart in the barrel, laying it out across the stack of others.

There it is.

The… bigger, one. You trace along the outside, humming some song you can't quite remember the words to. That's alright.

"Find it, find it, find it." You whisper, and finally, finally, your finger lands on the star.

The Star.

You read it.

"I know your name."

It sends shivers down your spine, but you do, and you grin, and you laugh, and you do a little dance too, for good measure. You open your mouth to speak.

"SIFFRIN, STOP!"

You say the name aloud.

Something shimmers in front of your eye.

You say it again.

The shimmer is a Star.

It shakes.

You say it once more. The feeling of it, the word, the way the air leaves your mouth, bringing the words into the world again, is like fire on your tongue. You feel it.

You want it.

"Remember."

"Remember."

Someone's arm loops around yours and yanks you backwards. Who? You don't know. You can't see it. All you see is that Star, floating in front of you, beckoning, smiling, teasing. Someone tries to cover your mouth, to stop you, hands cradle your face, your coppery mouth, and you scream.

One thing.

One thing from Home. One precious memory. It smells like sugar.

"SIFFRIN STOP IT RIGHT NOW! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE AGAIN!"

You don't care~

You haven't cared in

a

long

time.

"Frin, please!"

Why didn't they want you to say it? Why couldn't you have this? This one thing? This one memory? Please? Please? Please!

"I want to see the Stars the way I'm supposed to! I want to REMEMBER them!"

The star stutters in front of you. It smells like burning sugar.

And the color-

It's dripping onto the floor.

From. Somewhere.

Above you.

From you?

You blink. It hurts. You're shivering.

Sh a ke ing.

As you breathe, in, and out(oh, so much sugar in the air), your hearing starts to return. Someone's whispering something. Maybe multiple someones.

"-ie."

Almost caught it.

"-on't die."

So close. You shut your eye against horrific shade, fading by the second, and focus. What are they saying?

"Please don't die. Please don't die. Please don't die."

A wish?

Bonnie.

You wondered if they were able to use Wish Craft too. You think so. Anyone could, technically, but it took being a Wish type to actually have good chances of getting your wish granted without proper rituals.

Star-touched, they were sometimes called. Star type.

Sometimes, the Cursed.

Those who the Universe had its eyes on. Always dual type, always involved in some major event in history.

You open your eye again slowly, your head pounding. You're… in someone's lap. You already know it must be Isabeau. Someone else is petting your hair, and without thinking, you make a happy noise, pressing into them. The hand stops for a moment, as if startled, and you hold your breath.

Resumed.

You melt into Isabeau's lap.

"-ear us, Siffrin?"

"Mhm." Definitely. Can totally… hear.

Someone giggles wetly.

You've been making them cry all day. Wow. You're so awf…

You can't even finish that thought, you're too happy. Your brain is melting. You're just a puddle of contentment right now.

Eventually, you open your eye again.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ODILE WAS THE ONE PETTING YOU!!!!!!!!!

'It feels like we tamed a wild animal, doesn't it?'

'Perfect analogy.'

'Maybe soon we'll even be able to pet them.'

'Oh crab, stop, just imagining it makes me emotional!!!'

Your shock was obvious, because Odile laughed loudly, giving your head one more affectionate pat that you still leaned into, and pulled away. "Back with us, Siffrin?"

You nod jerkily.

"Good." She smiled.

The smile vanished.

Oh no.

Oh Stars.

Help. Someone help. She took a long, deep breath in.

Not out.

STARS.

"What the GEMS do you think you were DOING?" Odile snarls. Her glasses slide down her face, so she grabs them and thrusts them in Mirabelle's frozen, terrified hands. The room was quiet as a grave. Bonnie hid behind Isabeau. "Do you have any IDEA how much it hurts to see you like that? How many TIMES we've watched you die that way? Do you have any idea how much it CRABBING HURTS, SIFFRIN?"

You don't move. You open your mouth, but no sound comes out.

"Don't you ever do something so reckless again. If Bonnie hadn't started wishing- WISHING, for you to survive this? Do you think you would have? Really? Gems alive, Siffrin, you don't know how close that was. You're crabbing lucky you didn't die just now."

You nod. Silently. Isabeau's holding you tightly, as if to defend you, but… you deserve this. You were reckless. You could've made everyone loop again. They already knew how to beat the King properly, now. They'd already learned of what their Siffrin had wished for. You may not be needed to complete this loop.

It might not have gone back, if you'd died. So long as their Siffrin came back, the wish was completed.

Odile took her glasses back from Mirabelle, who made an anxious noise and backed away. She put them back on and sighed. A deep breath in, and out.

"I don't ever want to watch one of you die again. None of you are allowed to die on my watch. You kids are mine to protect, and that includes from yourself. All of you. Understood?"

…

Aw.

She cared. You exchanged a glance between the rest of your family. You're all in agreement. This cannot go unremarked upon.

They all spoke at once.

"You looooveeee us~" Bonnie teased.

"Understood, M'dame! We know you care!" Isa grins.

"You're like a Mom to me." You say.

"We won't, Madame! We won't let you get hurt either!" Mirabelle says eagerly.

Every head in the room slowly turns towards you. Your face is on fire.

"Siffrin…"

"I'm-" STARS, WHY DID YOU SAT THAT???? "I'm not making fun! Not calling you old! I don't remember mine, and whenever I try to picture her, I just- get! SOMEONE who looks like you!" You panic a little. You remember the last time Isabeau called her Mom as a joke.

That was a day no one could forget.

"I'm- I'm really sorry, I won't call you that again, I promise, it's just silly, I can't remember my mom, at all, and you're- so cool, and nice, and smart, and you always know what to DO, AND I DON'T, AND I RELY ON YOU AND-"

"Siffrin."

You stop.

She's… almost crying. Not full on sobbing, but… kinda close. She covers her mouth for a moment, before dragging her hand higher, her fingers under her glasses, pushing them forward dangerously as she rubs at her eyes.

Stars, you'd hurt her. People didn't like to be reminded how old they were! You knew that! You'd just called her old! She wasn't old, not really, just older than the rest of you!

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"I'm really sorry."

"Just.. stop. It's okay." Odile said stiffly.

"I won't do it again."

"You can."

What?

"… what?"

"Say it again."

She's staring at the ground. Her eyebrows are pinched, her mouth tight. Definitely… An expression. You can't tell what. Your heart is pounding.

"Well?"

Oh stars.

"Um…" This felt like a trap. "Mom?"

"Yes, Siffrin."

"… Mom?"

She laughed wetly. " Yes, Siffrin?"

Oh.

OH.

She was okay with it. "Um… Mom…" oh stars, this felt weird and right and wonderful and scary and- "do you need a hug?"

"Sure, Siffrin."

You hug her. So tight, you feel her back pop, and she grunts, then makes a considering noise, rolling your shoulders.

"I think you just got rid of my back pain for today."

"… you're welcome?"

Another laugh. "Are you kids joining, or what?"

Now invited, the others of your family leap into the hug. Bonnie climbs your cloak in order to get into the middle of the hug, draping themself overtop of you both.

You think of something.

"Momdile."

"Don't push it, Siffrin."

Understood.

As you file out, led by Odile, you glance down at the star chart one final time.

And stop.

Polaris.

That's the star's name. It was there, right on the paper.

"Frin?"

"Coming!"

Thanks, Universe.

You and your family moved on. You almost had forgotten what was coming, because it was all so… different. So wonderful. Loops weren't wonderful. You rarely even had a good one.

This was… good. Really good.

The path to get the crest was easy. Ridiculously easy, considering you'd nearly died moments before. You kept a wary eye on Bonnie, just in case, but they seemed just as energetic as before, racing Mirabelle and Isabeau to the first attack on weak Sadnesses. Often, if Bonnie could get there first (which only happened on very weak Sadnesses, as they were halfheartedly chased by the two), they could defeat them in a single strike. Even they'd grown stronger.

They went down.

Bathroom break!

Odile didn't tease anyone about a bathroom break this time, just raising an eyebrow teasingly to remind them that she could, and heading inside.

You… used the bathroom, washed your hands, and walked back out. No monologue. You're the first person out, actually.

Huh. No monologue…

Felt weird. Maybe you should just… think while you were out here.

About…

Polaris?

Just thinking the name sends a little thrill through your heart. Polaris. Po-la-ri-s. You jump up and down once, just to show the Universe how happy you are with its gift.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Stars, you're so happy. Polaris. The north star. A yellow supergiant! Actually, technically two stars! Just in the same system, and so close to each other as to be indistinguishable to the naked eye. Which! You knew! It didn't hurt!

Mirabelle was the first to exit, and looked at you as you bounced on your feet, amused. "Are you excited, Siffrin?"

You nodded, then flicked your hand dismissively. "Not because of the King, but because I remembered something! Actually! It doesn't hurt!"

She smiled, genuinely delighted for him. "Really? What?"

"Polaris!"

Her smile fell.

"What?"

"Polaris, the North Star! A yellow supergiant! It shows the way north, it's really useful for navigation!"

"… how do I know those words?"

Huh?

"You… know them?"

"Polaris. A yellow supergiant."

Huh.

"What's yellow?"

"I… don't know."

Strange.

Your family exits too, so you're left mulling it over as you all approach the Change God statue.

You never liked this statue. The others do the same thing as normal, praying, wishing, whatever they do. And you…

'PITIFUL TRAVELER, WALKING THROUGH TIME...'

Remember.

'GOING AGAINST THE VERY NATURE OF THIS WORLD.'

'THIS RIDICULOUS, NEVER ENDING PLAY...'

'IT GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING I STAND FOR.'

'I AM THE CHANGE GOD. MY DOMAIN IS THE FUTURE ITSELF, THE POSSIBILITY OF IT!'

'AND THIS... IS THIS WHAT I HAVE NOW?'

'DORMONT, REPEATING! DORMONT, UNCHANGING! STAGNATING!'

'A CRIME AGAINST LIFE ITSELF!'

"But..."

"But I don't want to be here, either!!!"

Its so hard to remember what it was that you had said. The Change Gods words, of course, were burnt into your brain like it happened every loop.

"If I could change it, I would!!! So--"

'HIHIHI... YOU MISUNDERSTAND.'

'THE EVENTS UNFOLDING RIGHT NOW MAY GO AGAINST MY VERY NATURE...'

'BUT IT DOESNT MEAN I'M NOT ENJOYING MYSELF IMMENSELY.'

Enjoying your torture.

'THIS POCKET OF TIME MAY BE REWINDING, BUT YOU ARE NOT.'

'IN THIS BUBBLE, WHERE EVERYTHING STAYS THE EXACT SAME... HOW WILL YOU BRING ABOUT CHANGE?'

'HOW WILL YOU CHANGE?'

The Keyknife appears in your hand.

You wish you could drop it.

You wish you could throw it back in their face.

You hate this knife.

You hate them.

"Siffrin…? What are you talking about?"

Oh.

You'd been talking out loud, in a silent room.

"I would guess that this room brings back some memories for you, Siffrin?" Odile said softly. She didn't push further, just breathed out when you nodded.

The room disappeared. Back where you started.

You sharpen the Keyknife quickly and expertly. You weren't going to throw away a perfectly good knife because of your personal feelings about it.

"Care to explain what memories those might be? And why you were answering them verbally?"

"Not really." You mumble.

"Siffrin. If you're hearing things, we need to know." Odile crosses her arms sternly, and you wince.

"Just… remembering."

"Out loud? Like you're talking to someone else who's aware of looping? Siffrin…" Odile's voice faded into disappointment. You flinched. She sighed, and firmed her stance, putting her hands on her hips. "You tell your mother what's wrong, okay?"

You couldn't help but giggle at the distaste on her face at her words, like she'd just eaten a lemon. It was one thing for you to call her that as a term of affection, it was quite another for her to refer to herself as his parent.

"Please, Sif? Siffrin? Siffarooni?" Isa made his eyes wide and pleading.

"Please, Siffrin!" Mirabelle begged, her hands clasped in front of her. "Tell us? We'll help you! It's the least we can do, considering we accidentally brought you back here, even though it… hurt you so much."

Bonnie didn't speak. They looked down, shuffling their feet for a long moment. "Um… if you don't want to talk with me around, I can…"

That… might help. "Maybe… Mira, if you could stay with Bonnie…?"

She didn't need to hear this. But. It might be important for at least one of them to know this. In case… the Change God started disliking them, too.

"Oh… Okay! Let us know when we can come back?" Her shoulders slumped, her smile small and a little hurt, but she turned around anyway.

"It's- Something that would upset you." You call as she leaves. "Probably a lot. So, I want to tell you after, if I can? So we can all help you?"

Mira didn't brighten. She frowned, looking even more worried. "O-okay?"

"I'll tell you myself, if I think you need it." Isabeau added, smiling at her reassuringly. That, finally, assured Mira somewhat. She nodded, and took Bonnie to a safe distance.

Once they were out of the way, Odile refocused on you. You cringed. Her eyebrow raised.

"We… met the Change God, once. Me and Mira."

Isabeau was looking at you in utter awe. "You… met the- the ACTUAL CHANGE GOD????"

You nodded, smiling a little at his clear delight, before souring. "They're crabbing awful."

"EEP!"

You ignore Isa's horrified noise, and focus on Odile. She, at least, didn't worship the Change God the way the others did.

"How so?"

"They… knew I was trapped in a time loop. They hated it! Dormont, repeating! Dormont, unchanging! Stagnating! A crime against life itself!" You stopped, because you sounded too upset, and forced a smile. "They knew! And enjoyed it! Watching me die! Watching me kill myself! Watching me lose my sanity. They knew I was struggling so badly, trying to make things change again, and they just… snapped at me, instead of trying to help, or- encouraging me, or-" anything. You'd been so desperate for anything. And they…

You'd expected better than they'd offered to you. Something more, from the God that Mirabelle so loved, who loved her in return. You'd expected…

Something.

The Universe liked you. It's why you were a Wish Type. That's why your story… ended as it did. So much as you would guess, of course. Maybe it hated you.

But you'd asked for Polaris, and it had given it to you. A piece, even so small, of home. You treasured the name already. You'd remember until the day you died.

"So… you met a higher power, and they basically laughed in your face, is what you're saying." Odile summed up. You nodded. If you hadn't cried so much recently, your eye might be burning, but you'd run out of tears by now, so you were alright.

"Sif…" Isa, somehow, still had tears remaining, as he was tearing up. "The Change God… they really? They saw what you were going through- like what we were going through, but alone, and they…"

"Yeah." You look up, so you don't have to look into his tearful face anymore. Betrayed. Disbelieving. You'd done this, shaking his faith.

"That's… awful, Sif." Isa holds himself together, barely, wiping at his face to prevent the tears from falling. "I'm so… so sorry. I can't believe they…"

He shakes his head.

"No. I think I can. Change happens, good or bad. Everyone changes. The Change God is lazy. They don't save people. I'd hope that they… since Mirabelle- and the Knife, but… I wouldn't expect them to. Just hope." He looked down.

You understand.

The Universe had… fulfilled the King's wish, after all. Threatened to freeze the whole of Vaugarde in time, potentially forever. It was a wish, but nothing that should have been granted. It was just due to how few Wish Crafters there were left that it had built up so much. Anything. Any wish, so long as the ritual was done right. It had caused you horrible torment, but in the end… you had your family.

You understood, a little, that desperation for contact. For someone to know you existed. To reach out to someone, to touch them, to have proof that you were real. You'd asked your friends so many times.

Is this real?

Am I real?

Is this really happening?

Maybe the Universe was reaching out in any way it could. Any way to prove itself. It too, had been forgotten.

You remembered. Universe, you remembered it. You knew it existed.

Thank you, Universe.

Thank you, for helping us.

Thank you, for being there.

For never giving up on you.

"They're a crab." Odile muttered.

You can't help but laugh. Succinct as always.

Isabeau fetched Bonnie and Mirabelle once the talk was over. Well… paused. Odile was writing frantically, Isabeau still slightly shellshocked, and you felt kinda numb. They'd bring this up later, you knew. They'd never leave it like that.

They just had a job to do, first.

You led the way into the room with the many-handed Sadness.

(Just attack.)

Following your lead, the others used their wide-ranged attacks, and soon the scissors sign hands were dust, just in time for Odile to slam the main sadness with a scissors attack. Maybe you could squeeze in a jackpot attack if you all keep using scissors?

Buy One Get One Three

Mirabelle, scissors.

Isabeau gave his turn to you, so you hit the Sadness with another scissors attack.

Knife To Meet You

Just Mirabelle left… Odile slowed the central Sadness on her turn, while Isabeau boosted everyone's defense. Bonnie jumped in for a solid wham of a hit, making the Sadness shriek. It attacked wildly, hitting you, Isabeau, and Odile. Ouch.

Mirabelle steps forward, slashing down harshly. It hits so hard, for a moment, you feel like you're witnessing divine retribution.

Jackpot time. You can feel the energy bubbling over.

You strike as one.

The hands, and the Sadness, dissolve.

Oh stars.

Time to fight the King again.

You and your family walk down the corridor, and you find your steps slowing. They follow suit. You can't say you're eager to face him again. You'd hoped you'd never even see his statue anymore, never, ever again. You hated him so much.

He remembered too.

Isabeau takes the secret ingredient from Claude, and gets to work on the bomb.

"Boniface," Odile gets their attention, "we're trusting you with the bomb this time, because I know that you've matured over these past loops. Use it when the King cries so hard that Tears come out. It will disperse them. Don't drop it"

Bonnie was smiling.

Far, far too excited. Too wide.

You think that it must hurt.

"BOMB TIME! BOMB TIME!!!!!!!!!"

Odile looked like she was doubting her decision, but when Isabeau pronounced it finished and handed it to her, she still handed it to Bonnie after a long, thoughtful pause.

Bonnie took it.

Screamed.

At the top of their little lungs. (so crushable)

"BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMB TIIIIIIIMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE"

"… Indoor voice, Boniface."

"Sorry."

Oh stars, you weren't sure this was a good idea either.

There was no snack-break to speak of. Bonnie had some fruit left, and you weren't allowed to eat any, because of the apparent danger of pineapple contamination. Bonnie always threw it out, first chance they got on every loop, but it had been sitting with all the other fruits (except, apparently, that apple that they'd superficially gotten for you beforehand). They all split an orange, because they felt bad for you, but also didn't want to refuse Bonnie.

"Psst… Sif."

Isa? You stopped staring longingly at the orange and looked away.

He'd stepped aside with his share, leaving the girls to pick off the white bits on the orange with distaste. Neither liked the flavor, it seemed.

His hand was… wet?

Why? He held out a slice, also wet. "Here. I rinsed it for you."

Oh! That's so sweet!

You reach out to grab it-

"No orange for Frin!"

Bonnie bats it out of Isa's hand. You watch it fall, slowly, dramatically. You can almost hear the sad, mournful music as it landed on the floor with a thump, a cloud of dust from the force.

Your orange slice…

"Za! You crab! Here!" Bonnie wags their finger threateningly at a disapointed Isa, then hands you a…

Candy!

You made a happy noise, lost orange forgotten, that made Bonnie grin, and you stuck the candy in your mouth.

Tastes like cantaloupe! You like it! Your eye shuts as you enjoy the taste, and someone coos.

Snack-break accomplished.

You enter.

Any confidence or good-feelings you had vanished the moment you laid eye on the King. For a moment, you were in your loops again. You knew, without a doubt, that the only person he had eyes for right now was you. The Bright one.

"Ah...... ah......"

"Oh...... Young ones......"

"Are you...... here to kill me......?"

You zone out.

'Corrupting and ending people's lives? You call this a form of Change?'

'You DARE compare your dreams of ice and stillness to Change themselves?!'

'This is NOT true Change! This is just you, acting as a god would, for your own-'

Mirabelle's Artsy Silent Burst takes the King in the face. You flinch at the suddenness, the way the King rears back and howls.

What?

Odile's Paper VI hits him next, and he flinches violently, the attack he was weak to hitting hard.

"Oh.... Oh...... Young ones… So quick, so violent…… We shall fight." You hold your breath, "AND WE SHALL SEE WHICH SIDE THE UNIVERSE FAVORS!!!"

He pulls back. You see it coming. You've seen it time and time again, after all.

Turn It Up

"Mirabelle! Shield! You know the one!"

The shield shimmers to life just in time.

The attack hits.

And-

Bounces back into his face. The King howls again, shocked horrified, and crashes down to the floor.

Was his wish complete like this? Actually?

You snap your fingers and rush forward, past the others, ignoring their shouts and warnings (Isa almost grabs you. Wow. He's fast now) in favor of reaching the King's head.

"Polaris."

It burns to share what you remembered. Burns. This is yours, it's yours, you had wished for it, not him!

"…… What?"

"Polaris! The North Star!"

A loud sob from the King's throat. Isabeau is between you and the King, his shoulder against your chest as he stands tall. For a moment, you stare at his exposed upper arm, pressing against your chest, all hard and strong and- not the time to admire Isa's muscles. What sort of priorities did you have????

"Po-" The Curse has reached his torso.

"Polaris. Polaris."

"Polaris!" He sobs, the sound shaking the room. "Bright one…… you remember! You-" He looks up, and for the first time, you can actually see his face, that of an older man, maybe in his sixties. His eyes, wide and desperate, with massive tears dripping down his face. He reaches for you. Isabeau pushes you back."You remember! You remember the Island!"

You don't.

Just one Star.

"Yes. It is remembered. Remember Vaugarde, for me, alright? So it's never forgotten, the way our home was. Remember Vaugarde. Please. I'll handle home."

You think, for a moment, he realizes that you don't remember all the way. Something in his eyes, the way they widen. You think he realizes that you're trying to lead him a certain way. To fill his own wish.

"Polaris…"

You nod. It's not the Island. But it is something. "I'll remember."

He smiles. "Bright one….. I Wish you luck."

A thrum.

"I Wish you luck."

"Stop it! Stop WISHING!" Someone shouted.

"I Wish you luck."

The curse reaches his head.

There was a long, long stillness. Heavy, something dark hovering above your heads, until you take a breath, and the pressure fades. There was no scent of sugar.

"Between the King and my four-leaf clover earlier, I think I could win the lottery at least three times in a row."

Someone smacks your hat off your head, groaning. It's caught by a gust of wind, from somewhere, and floats back on your head. Everyone watches it, silent.

"Guys! Let's make Frin buy some lottery tickets!"

"That- that's cheating though!"

"It's not cheating just to be lucky, Mirabelle."

You can't help but laugh wetly. "It's… not over yet. We still need to talk to the Head Housemaiden."

For a moment, Mirabelle looks at you, uncomprehending, before understanding dawns in her eyes. "She- she's awake! The people around us, I can... I can feel them coming back to normal, all over Vaugarde!!!" Mirabelle takes off, scrambling over the King.

"MIRA STOP!"

You don't mean to yell. You don't mean to sound so terrified. You just. Are. Suddenly, you're shaking like a leaf, because nothing's the same, and everything's different, and you're still going to walk up to the Head Housemaiden and everything's going to be the same, and you're going to loop, and loop and loop AND LOOP AND LOOP AND YOU'LL NEVER BE FREE, NEVER NEVER NEVERNEVERNEVERNEVE—

Someone's hugging you. Their arms are wrapped tight around your own arms, pinning them to your side. You think your dagger might be gone. Someone's sobbing, and you can barely breath, every panicked breath stabbing your throat. Why does it hurt? Why does your eye burn? You try to say something, but you're already making noises, and you can't stop long enough to actually tal-

Oh stars, you think you might be the one who's sobbing.

"-ase don't cry! I won't run off again, I promise, just please don't cry, I didn't mean to make you cry, Siffrin, I'm so sorry!"

You force the emotions down, trying to control yourself. "-'s not your fault- sorry, I didn't mean to cry, I just panicked, it's not your fault, it's mine, it's all mine, I'm so sorry-"

You both sucked at this. Someone throws their arm around you, and presumably Mirabelle too, and squeezes you both tight. "Everyone's sorry, so everything's fine, alright? Calm down, both of you, everything's alright. No one's running off. No one's mad at anyone for crying. Breathe with me?"

Right.

You all breathe slowly, in, and out.

Once you can control yourself again, you speak. "Sorry-"

"No need to be sorry for freaking out, Sif. We're looping, everyone freaks out sometimes. It's a terrible situation."

But it was bad when you… were… the one doing it…

Even you thought that was weak. Ugh. Your therapist was going to look at you, all proud, when you told them about this.

"Want to explain what freaked you out? Is there more danger? Besides the King?"

You shake your head miserably. Mirabelle still hasn't let go yet. In fact, she's leaning into you even more, like she's enjoying hugging you. "It's just… I still looped, even after defeating the King. Every time, it happened after talking to the Head Housemaiden. Mira ran ahead, we followed, I led everyone after you, and after I talked with you all…

'Oh... Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no...'

This again.

'Oh...   Siffrin...!

Maybe it's better that you just… relay what you remember.

I'm so sorry!   There's no way we can stop it now...!

"I'm so sorry…" You whisper. "There's no way we can stop it now.

"…Sif?"

I'm sorry! You'll be going back! Back when everything started!

"I'm sorry. You'll be going back. Back when everything started."

For an actor, you're terrible at reading your lines! No inflection or anything! At least the Head Housemaiden sounded equally horrified every time!

(The air around you feels weird...)

(You taste burnt sugar in the back of your throat.)

"What do you mean? What's happening?!?" You manage some emotion. It hurts. You laugh a little, because you're awful.

"Is this what you remember her saying, Siffrin?"

You nod.

I know you thought your quest was over, but it can't be!

"I know you thought your quest was over, but it can't be."

Something's broken, something's failing, rotting!!!

You grin. You shout the next words.

"Something's broken, something's failing, rotting!!!"

I can't fix it on my own, not before it all ends... If only I had noticed sooner!!!

"I can't fix it on my own, not before it all ends... If only I had noticed sooner!!!"

"I should've seen it, prevented it!!!"

You don't hear it anymore. You don't need to.

(You feel a tug on your stomach.)

"It's my fault that you have to suffer like this."

"I just hope that one day..."

"You might learn to for-"

Silence.

You know already. They'll look at you, all horrified, and you'll smile and say you're okay, and you'll cry a little, and be hugged, because they know now, that you like being hugged.

"Something's… broken?"

"Rotting!" You giggle, like shards of glass in your throat. You'd never tried to swallow the glass before! You should! Might be interesting!

"That… referred to the conflict between your wish, Vaugarde's, and the King's wish, right? How they were all conflicting? If Vaugarde was saved, neither of your wishes came true. If the King won, neither our wishes or yours would be granted. So long as you were looping, your wish was being granted, but the King's and Vaugarde's were not. There had to be a way in which everyone's wish was granted.

"Ye-p." You pop the p, and clap your hands once, just for the fun of it, because when you're feeling like you're made of ice, it's the little things that matter most.

"And… this grants it?"

You shrug. "Probably! As long as everyone agrees to keep traveling with your Siffrin a while longer, his wish is granted! Vaugarde is saved, the King's Memory of Vaugarde is frozen along with him, meaning even if the same thing happens to Vaugarde later, it won't be completely forgotten, which should grant the King's wish. It's all good!"

They were frowning.

Why?

"It doesn't feel… right." Odile whispered. The others nodded slowly. "Is there something…"

Why?

Had you not done well enough? Had you done so badly that you had to go back and try again? Was this not enough for the Universe?

"Frin…? Are you… okay?"

You smile. You are! See? You're smiling!

Still, they hug you anyway, and you let them, hugging them so tight you lift them off their feet. It was nice. You couldn't keep smiling, though.

"Did we… make a wish too?"

… What?

Isa nods slowly.

"Yeah… I thought we did?"

"What do you guys mean?" Bonnie asked, shooting you a confused glance. "I was the one who wished for this Frin to be here. Za said he never made a wish, even the first time. Belle said she wished for Vaugarde to be saved. Dile said she wished to win a coin flip."

"But…" Mirabelle looks around, confused. "We did make one. Together. Didn't we?"

The world glitched.

No.

No no no no no nonononononononononononononononononononononononononononononoNONONONONONONONO

"Frin! Guys! Stop! Something's wrong with Frin!"

That color.

It dripped down your arm. Was your mouth bleeding?

They weren't looking away from each other. Triple looks of horror.

Why?

Why?

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

STOP

(YOU FEEL A TUG ON YOUR STOMACH.)

(and    then

You're looking up at the sky.

You

SCREAM

"Frin!!!"

Bonnie was… right next to you.

"Frin!"

They're hugging you! "ZA! BELLE! DILE! COME HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!"

Their voice makes your head ring. You reach for your dagger, but it's pinned awkwardly beneath you, and Bonnie's on top of you, and you should be able to move them off of you to reach for it, but they're holding you so hard- it'll hurt them to force them off, and you can'tyoucan'tyoucan't-

"Sif!"

Again, again, again! You were back again! You'd failed! You had to find a new way, why would you think the same method would work twice, you're supposed to CHANGE, Stars, you idiot, it's Vaugarde, of course you had to Change, so stupid, idiot, useless, useless, USELESS Siffrin!

"-up. Can you do that for me, look up, Siffrin! Up! Look! UP!"

You didn't want to.

You didn't want to see that BLINDING SKY AGAIN.

"…It's so pretty. Are those really what the stars look like…?"

… the Stars?

Had you been laying here for so long?

Slowly, carefully, you peek your one eye open.

And-

Stars.

Like you've never seen them before. Never- NEVER IN YOUR LIFE HAVE YOU SEEN THE STARS LIKE THIS BEFORE.

You look up.

The first star you see is Polaris.

It's… bright.

And you look around and see-

Colors.

The stars are full of color. It must be. You've never seen shades like these before. It's the ocean, the sky, peace, healing, calmness, and hundreds of thousands of little specks that you'd never been able to distinguish the shades of enough to make out before.

"Woah…" Someone whispered. Not you. You couldn't say a word. You couldn't so much as blink. All you could do was stare and stare and stare.

Not another word was spoken to you. Someone- you must've made camp in this meadow, because someone picks you up carefully and lays you in your bedroll. Someone else pulls you against them, has you rest your head on their (strong) shoulder, and someone else's bedroll brushes against your leg as they move closer. You can't look away from the stars.

The trees you can barely make out are still colorless, normal shades of lightless and darkless. The sky…

"I think the Universe is really, really awesome, Frin."

You nod. "It really, really is."

What had you said exactly? "I want to see the Stars the way I'm supposed to."

"… I think the Universe delivered."

You laugh. Finally, finally, you tear your eye away long enough to meet theirs.

And see the clearing.

"… this isn't Dormont."

Your family, besides Bonnie, flinch as one. They glance between each other, debating silently, and Odile sighed, taking the lead.

"We… made a Wish. I didn't know it would do that, we're so-" She groans. "We wished to be able to help you better. However we could. I know it's coming up to a year since it happened. We've been invited back to Dormont for a… celebration." You shiver. "We asked you already, and you agreed and were getting ready, but… you still seemed really out of it. We wanted to understand what to do, how to help you."

"So you wished for it."

A sigh.

"Yes…"

"And it made you guys loop."

"… yes."

"Bonnie too?"

"Yeah! I remember that recipe! Dile! I need your notebook! I gotta write it right now!"

Odile handed them her notebook, and her pencil too. "Until Bonnie wished for help, and it sent me in after you guys."

"Basically."

Ugh.

And they have helped you. Stars. They have. They'd helped you deal with more looping, with being back there once again. It'd given them exactly what they'd asked for. "Don't do that again, please."

A chorus of agreements, and a groan from Odile.

"That crabbing sucked."

"Stars, it did."

"Gems, it was the worst.

"Change yeah."

"I'd rather eat a crab than go back."

You can't help but laugh. They knew.

They knew.

"… are we gonna make Frin buy a lottery ticket still?"

"Crab yeah!" Isabeau said loudly, startling you. "I need to buy him a telescope! I'll need you to loan me some money, Sif!"

"… why don't I just buy it myself?"

"Because! It's not a gift, then!"

"Yeah Frin! And I want to make those Gyozas again! I need money!"

"It would be nice not to worry about finances anymore," Odile said consideringly, "we'll need a house eventually. Especially if you keep picking up so much random crabbing stuff, Siffrin!"

A… house.

All eyes turn towards Odile.

"What? What sort of mother-" she cringed a little, still uncomfortable, "-ly-figure would I be if I didn't give you all a house to come back home to? I have so much writing to do. I can't keep traveling forever."

Oh. That's right.

You wouldn't be with them forever. Your heart sank instantly. You looked up, towards the strange, new (old) sky, and it made you feel a little warmer again. Even the Moon looked different, surrounded by such beautiful stars.

"Someone needs to teach the world about Wish Craft, so stuff like this doesn't build up again. Maybe in…" She thought for a moment. "Twenty years or so?"

You made a strangled noise. Twenty years???

You know you're twenty something, probably on the middle or higher end, but you only have maybe... fifteen or so years of memories?

That was longer than you remembered being alive.

She nodded decisively. "Yeah. Twenty years of traveling, and I'll settle down to write some books. Siffrin, since you're my kid now, you'll be buying me a house. You'd better get winning, alright?"

Your eye burned. "-hhhnnn."

That wasn't a word. Try again.

"Yeah-" your voice squeaks, "I'd- I'd do anything for any of you."

Your family cooed around you, like they'd seen something adorable, and you sank down until your cloak hides your burning face.

"That's it then." Isabeau nods, happy. "We'll be staying together. Not just for a journey. For a long, long time. If everyone's alright with it?"

Mirabelle shifts a little, uncomfortable. "Well… A pilgrimage is only supposed to last a few years. I'm not sure…"

Isabeau breathes in sharply, as if realizing. "Oh. Mira, I think… there's some stuff we need to talk about. That stuff Sif told me and M'dame about?"

You don't look down. You can feel Mirabelle's nervousness already.

You'd ruined this. You might have ruined Mirabelle's faith in her God, her passion for Change. You'd ruined-

Well…

You hardly told Gods what to do.

Were you really to blame? Just for telling them?

You find Polaris again. There's so many stars to look through, just to find it, that it takes a minute. You watch it, while Isa and Mira get up, walk away.

Hear Mirabelle's gasp of horror.

Eventual sobs.

Both of them. Bonnie gets up eventually, running over to hug Belle tightly.

Things Changed. What right did you have to prevent it? You just… the truth. What you remembered.

"Siffrin."

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

You flinch, violently, and rip your gaze away from Polaris. "M-Madame?"

She grins at you. It's almost childish, her voice teasing. She-

Sticks out her tongue????????

"They'll never believe you."

Your heart freezes.

She's right. Your family will never believe she just said it. Straight out. Unprompted. You glare at her, mutinous.

"I love you too." You grumble, and she ruffles your hair, turning your irritated noise into a happy one embarrassingly quickly. You were melting.

"I think your old family would be so happy that you'd found a new one. I can only hope I'll make your real mother proud."

"… She would've loved you." You don't remember, but somehow, you know. She would've.

"… yeah?" She sounds choked up at the thought. "That's- that's good. I'll- I'll do her proud, alright? You're about to get parented so hard, you'll forget you didn't have them for so long!"

You both laugh, wet, and happy, and it's such a wonderful feeling that you can't help but roll over, and burrow into her side. She hugs you after a moment's hesitation, but no less fiercely for it.

You don't know what Mirabelle says when she comes back, or how she looks, or even when. Whatever the time, you'd long since fallen asleep curled up against Odile's side.

Breakfast was dumplings, and you'd be kinda nervous about eating the same thing twice if not for Bonnie's lack of soy sauce, and subsequent substitution with… barbecue sauce.

Not bad, actually.

You ate three plates, and were still kinda hungry. Everyone else ate at least two.

"Wish Craft." You said knowingly.

"Wish Craft." They chorused.

"We'll have to talk to Pétronille before we head to Dormont." Odile said once everyone was properly fed. She'd chosen to sit next to you, with her legs crossed and back straight as an arrow. You thought it looked horribly uncomfortable. Your position, one leg pulled up to your chest, the other curled up underneath you, was very comfortable, perfect for leaning on Isa, who had claimed your other side. "She may decide to come with us, or she may not. It's all up to her."

"Nille will!" Bonnie bounced on her heels, eager, "I know she will! She'll definitely come with us! She's been wanting to go on an adventure!"

"Good!" Isabeau cheered, "Then we'll all go together! Then it's even more different for Sif!"

"And for you."

"Huh?" Isabeau paused.

You looked around. Everyone but Odile looked confused.

"You all were looping too. You might not have done as many as me, but it still sucked, didn't it? You all… watched me die. Repeatedly. If not died yourself."

"But… we haven't experienced even half of what you have. Not even…" Mirabelle looked down, her hands clasped together, too hard. She'd been quiet so far today. "Barely anything. You… you suffered so much… and no one- no one helped you. None of us. Even though we understand now, we… we should've done better."

"…" You look down. "Does that matter?"

"Sif- of course it matters!" Isa argued immediately. "It-"

"That's not what I mean!" You jump in, making him stop short. "Sorry- I mean, it… it doesn't matter that you didn't loop as much as me, or that you had each other and weren't looping alone. It still hurt you. It hurts me, to know that you guys were suffering. We… We all understand each other now. I know how you feel, knowing that I was-" It hurt to say this. You feel overdramatic, "suffering. How much it hurts. And you know how I feel. So… we understand now. And we can help each other."

"They're saying," Odile said with a sigh, when you stopped and everyone stared at you. You sighed in relief when the attention went to her instead. "We're all hurt. Different amounts and ways, but still hurt. It's not a contest where the most badly hurt person gets help, and the others get nothing. Yes, Siffrin, the most hurt is absolutely you, don't even try to deny it, you repeatedly killed yourself yesterday. Help each other. Siffrin, actually, I'm confiscating your dagger."

Ouch. You wince, but hand it over.

It's fair. You don't like it, but it's fair.

"Thank you." She tucks it on her belt. "We're strong enough to handle any Sadnesses we might encounter, so don't worry. I'm sure you're still able to use Scissor Craft even without it, anyway."

"Mirabelle," She locked eyes with the girl, who shrank down, "Don't put Siffrin's problems before your own. The only person who can tell us that you're hurting is you. Me and Isa can handle Siffrin."

Shamefaced, Mirabelle nodded. "What… what about you two?"

Isabeau gave her a thumbs up. "Don't worry about me! I'm all good!"

Not a single bone in your body believed him, and the look you shot at him expressed that with prejudice. He looked away nervously.

"Isabeau is probably the best of us at compartmentalizing. He's probably the most alright out of all of us. He is all of our responsibilities, like Boniface is. We'll all strive to support him as much as he does us."

That, if nothing else, seemed to hit home in Isabeau. He relaxed, a bright smile appearing on his face, the type that made him glow and your face get all warm. "Sounds great, M'dame! Can't help but notice you put yourself below me? How're you doing?"

She doesn't wince, but you feel like she would have, were she any less composed. "I won't say I'm alright, because I'm trying to set a good example for all of you young ones. I'm… dealing. It does me good to see you all here and… as whole as you all can be. I hope everyone can tolerate some mother-henning for a while. It makes me feel better."

You grinned.

"Siffrin."

A warning.

You ignored it.

"So you need to chick-in on us every once in a while?"

"Ugh."

"Bad! Frin, that was so bad!"

"AHAHAH!!!!"

A snicker from Mirabelle.

YESSS! You cheered up Mirabelle!

"Sorry, I just winged it."

"UGHHH.

"HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"

"FRINNNNN!!!!

"Don't be afraid to egg-spress your opinions. Feather we agree or not, i think they're egg-shell-ent puns!"

Isa wasn't even laughing out loud anymore, just gasping for breath with every new pun and laughing silently, on his back on the ground.. Mira was laughing, loud and clear and bright, and stars, you loved the sound. Bonnie was shrieking wordlessly, a child's rage, and Odile-

She was giggling.

Actually giggling. You don't think you'd ever heard the sound from her, but it was making you feel like, like you could float away into the sky. You laughed right along with them and stars, you didn't remember the last time you'd laughed until you were breathless.

Mira caught her breath for a moment, just long enough to say, "Those jokes are- hee-hee, fowl, Siffrin!" and start giggling again.

YES!

You'd have to go back to Dormont. You didn't really want to, but… they wanted to see you. All of you. You'd do it for them.

Back in the blinding building again.

Together.