Chapter Text
The shift felt…off. Nothing had gone wrong, per se, just run of the mill calls and a merciful lack of fatalities. But, Eddie still felt like he was waiting for something to go wrong. Call it a hazard of the job being a first responder, or maybe it's just Buck. Honestly, Buck had been a ghost of himself since Bobby died. Maybe it was the way Buck’s laughter ended a second too early, or how his hands shook on a call that didn’t call for that drop in adrenaline. Eddie had just been chalking it up to grief, but he’s starting to think it’s something more, he just can't figure out what.
They had just got back from a call, smelling of soot and burned rubber, long after their shift was supposed to end. B-shift had already clocked in, and were milling about the firehouse in preparation of being the ones about to be on call. Eddie was about to turn to Buck to see if he was still coming over after shift to make dinner when he noticed his absence. One perk of being attached at the hip to Buck was he knew where he was at all times, so not noticing him drift away to nowhere Eddie could readily see was off putting to say the least. Eddie decided to write it off and get changed before searching for him.
Eddie opened his locker and started changing into his civvies when he noticed a probie from B-shift fidgeting and staring at him from outside the locker room. Eddie raises an eyebrow at him, and the probie's eyes fly wide at being caught. He looks like he’s about to flee, but decides to come into the locker room, still staring fearfully at Eddie.
“Hey. It’s Gibson right? The new B-shift probie?” Eddie asks awkwardly, not quite sure what's happening.
‘Umm…yeah that’s me.” Gibson responds nervously, hands wringing nonstop.
“Can I help you with anything? Or are you just staring for fun?” Eddie says with a touch of annoyance.
Gibson's eyes fly wide again and looks unsure of how he wants to respond. He takes a deep breath before steeling himself for what he was getting ready to admit. “Youre close with Buckley right? Or Buck I guess.”
The question throws Eddie for a loop momentarily, not having seen this as where the conversation was going. “Um..yeah man. He’s my best friend. Why are you asking?”
“Okay listen, I am not trying to start anything or cause problems but I saw something a few shifts ago and I thought I was just seeing things wrong or I don’t know. But I saw the same thing today but more…clearly? I don't know, but I just needed to tell someone and I didn't want to go to Captain Han in case I'm going crazy and I know you two are close so I thought yeah I’ll go to him and if it is nothing then no harm no foul you know?” Gibson rambles at a pace that shows his anxiety.
Eddie feels a pit settle somewhere deep in his stomach. “What did you see Gibson?” He asks cautiously.
Gibson swallowed hard, his adam’s apple bobbing. He looked toward the locker room door as if checking for witnesses before leaning in, his voice dropping to a frantic whisper.
“I was cleaning the engine,” Gibson started, the words tumbling out. “A few shifts ago, I thought I was just… mistaken. But today, I saw him again. He didn't see me. I was hidden partially by the wheel, and he… he opened the narcotic lockbox, Eddie. He didn't log anything. He just took some of the Chlordiazepoxide, he swallowed one and then put the rest in his pocket like it was nothing.”
The air in the locker room suddenly felt heavy, like the soot from the fire had finally settled in Eddie’s lungs, like the other shoe was finally dropping. He stopped mid-motion, his shirt half-unbuttoned.
“You’re wrong,” Eddie said, but the words felt weak even to him. His mind flashed back to Buck’s shaking hands, the way he’d been canceling plans left and right lately. “Buck wouldn't…he knows the protocols better than anyone. He knows better” Eddie argues.
“I know what I saw,” Gibson insisted, his fear turning into a desperate kind of pleading. “He looked… he looked like he was vibrating, man. And then he just walked in here and then up to the loft. I didn’t know who else to tell. If Cap finds out, he’s done. But if he’s using that stuff on the job…”
Gibson didn't have to finish the sentence. The "what if" hung in the air, sharp and jagged. Eddie’s heart hammered against his ribs. He wasn't just worried anymore; he was terrified.
Eddie takes a breath before speaking, centering himself as his world feels like it's crumbling. “Okay listen. Do not say anything to anyone about this. I am going to talk to him and see what's going on. You have got to trust me on this, I will handle it. But I need you to stay quiet so I can figure this out.”
The probie looked uncertain, but ultimately let Eddie win. “Okay…I am trusting you because you know him. But Eddie, please be smart about this.”
“Yeah…yeah I will be. Thank you for coming to me instead of Cap.” Eddie breathes out, relief mixed with guilt flooding his system.
Gibson only nods his head shortly before turning heel and going about his shift. Eddie however is left feeling exposed in the glass locker room and like he is about one wrong move from his world collapsing beneath his feet. He knows he needs to handle this now, needs to handle it before Buck has a chance to leave and hide the evidence. No matter how much Eddie's mind is screaming at him that there is no evidence to find.
Mind made up, Eddie buttons his uniform shirt back up, and walks briskly up the stairs to the loft. Mind going in a thousand directions but showing none of them on his face, he spots Buck getting his bottle out of the fridge in preparation to leave. Eddie slows his steps to not cause alarm as he approaches his best friend.
“Hey Eddie” Buck says, sounding normal, but Eddie can see the way Buck is fidgeting and seems on edge.
“Hey Buck. Umm… you got a minute to talk?” Eddie tries to be sound firm, but he knows the undercurrent of his nervousness is bleeding through.
“Oh. Um yeah I guess let me just grab my duffle.”
“Ill come with you. I need to change anyway.” Eddie responds a bit too quickly.
Buck just eyes him curiously, before walking towards the locker room, knowing Eddie isn't far behind. When they reach the lockers, Eddie softly closes the door behind him. Buck whipped his head around at the sound of the door clicking and forced out a small laugh.
“Wow. Okay. Serious talk then?” Buck joked, but Eddie’s face remained stoic.
“Okay. Buck you are my best friend, and you can tell me anything. You know that right? I will never judge you.” Eddie says, words dripping in sincerity, hoping Buck can feel it.
“Yeah Ed’s of course I know that. What’s going on? Why’re you bringing this all up right now?”
“Please be honest when I ask you this Buck.” Eddie takes in a deep breath to steady himself and his next words. “Have you been taking medication from the ambulance and not logging it?”
Buck stares at Eddie, a flash of fear crossed Buck’s eyes so fast that most would have missed it. But most people aren't Eddie.
“This is insane. This is completely fucking insane Eddie.” Buck almost bites out, his walls rising faster than Eddie knows what to do with it.
“Buck, I need you to open your locker.” Eddie signs out.
“Yeah right” Buck snarks
“Please just open your locker.” Eddie almost begs.
“Eddie, you're gonna regret this.”
Anger flares up so fast within Eddie he didn't even see it coming. His fist slams into the locker faces with a jarring slam. “Open your fucking locker or I will have Ravi come in here and smash it open.” He spits out, barely containing the rage that is slowly taking control of this situation.
Buck stared wide eyed at the display of violence. Sure he knew Eddie could be scary, could get angry, but he hadn't been on the receiving end since the lawsuit. Out of shock more than anything, Buck turns to his lockers and slowly starts putting in the combination, shooting a quick wide eyed look over his shoulder before opening the locker.
Eddie pushed past him roughly, already sticking his hands into the locker to start digging. He threw clothes, Bucks duffle, other odds and ends that have taken residence here over the years. Eddie allows himself to think for a moment that he won't find anything, that this had all been a horrible misunderstanding, that Gibson really was just seeing things. But just as fast as that thought appeared it fell out from under him when he saw it. A small bag filled with pills. Filled with what Eddie knows is Chlordiazepoxide. He takes another deep breath before balling his fist around the bag.
‘If I check the ambulance, are the numbers on these going to match the missing meds?” Eddie says, voiced laced with that familiar anger and sorrow.
Buck just stares. A million emotions flick across his face in a single second, but it settled on fear. Borderline terror.
Eddie knows what this means. He knows he is faced with irrefutable proof that Buck has been using, that Buck has been stealing meds, that Buck has been struggling and Eddie hasn't said a thing. He knows what he has to do. He just never thought he’d be here.
“Go home Buck.” Eddie says softly.
“No! No it's not like you think. You remember when I helped Maddie move? I was too cheap to pay for movers. I hurt my back. I told you that! You teased me about it! Remember? I went to the doctor. He prescribed me pain meds and muscle relaxers. I was just weaning myself off! It was just for maintenance. I'm done Eddie! Come on, come on. You know me, Eddie. You know me man. I'm sorry! I fucked up! I was just trying to.. I-I-” Buck starts rambling, seemingly faster than his own brain can process what he’s saying.
Eddie stares in disbelief at the words tumbling out of his best friend's mouth. “Trying to what? Steal pills without getting caught?”
“No! It's not like… you don't understand!”
“I don’t fucking inderstand? What's there to misconstrue about this situation Buck?”
“It's not like you think! I'm not high! I’m not high. You've seen what I do Eddie. Could a drug addict do what I do?” Buck yells, sounding on the verge of hysterics.
Eddie can’t take his eyes off Buck, off the desperation clearly painted on his face and in his words. His best friend, the man who he trusts more than everything, with his son for gods sake, is shaking in front of him after being caught. There is no other word to be used anymore. Buck was caught and he was losing control, and fast.
“You’re right Buck. I do know you. But yeah, I guess a drug addict can do what you do. And I just fucking let him! You’re done today Buck. Leave now or I will call Athena and have her escort you out.”
Buck staggers back like Eddie's words were a physical blow. The fear is still written plain across his face, but now it's mixed with something akin to despair. Buck knew he fucked up, and the consequences are staring him right in the face in the form of his best friend, the man he loves, telling him to leave the one place that has always felt like safety. With no other option, Buck grabs his things off the floor that Eddie had thrown viciously out of his locker, and scrambled out the glass doors behind him.
The locker room door swung shut with a heavy, almost final hiss, leaving Eddie alone in the sudden, ringing silence. He didn't move. He couldn't. His knuckles throbbed where they’d connected with the metal. A dull, rhythmic heat that matched the pounding of his heart. Slowly, he opened his palm, looking down at the small plastic bag. The pills were small, clinical, unassuming even, but they felt like lead in his sweaty palm.
He thought of the shift they’d just finished. He thought of Buck standing in the middle of a burning building, of him leaning over a patient in the back of the ambulance, and the bile rose in the back of his throat. He had been right beside him. He’d seen his shaking hands and the shifty glances and he had called it grief because the alternative wasn't supposed to be a viable answer. This was never supposed to happen, not to Buck.
Eddie sank onto the narrow wooden bench, his head dropping into his hands. The soot on his skin smeared against his forehead, dark and grimy. He had told Buck to go home, but they both knew "home" wasn't a fix. That same hot pulse of bile rose in his throat once again, and this time Eddie pushed off the bench and launched himself into the bathroom before expelling the contents of his stomach. Sweat beading on his forehead, hand still clenched so tight around the bag of pills. He doesn't know what to do. Eddie doesn't panic, but right about now he is being forced to consider how that might not be entirely true. Years of friendship, of trust, of…love and now Eddie was left holding the evidence of a crime that he still couldn't wrap his mind around. A crime that could very well strip Buck of the one thing that he feels has ever given him purpose. And for the first time in their friendship, Eddie had no idea how to fix this.