Chapter Text
I sat on the stairs, head between my knees. I was so nervous I could cry. He’d arrive after six, he had said, which meant he was still at least an hour away. The day had been hell. In the morning, I felt like the nerves had not gotten to me yet, but at noon I noticed I couldn’t eat my lunch. Then, the reality of it all sank in. Mister Gilbert was coming to my house. To fuck. To fuck me. Mister Gilbert from sixth grade. The thought alone sent a pulsing down my body, of anxiety, of want. My fingers could not reach it, I tried all day. I tried soothing the feeling in the shower, but I couldn’t come. I rummaged through the drawers of my bedside cabinet, but none of my toys seemed to have the desired shape, so I rolled onto my back, fingers digging in my flesh and my body and still, nothing could take the itch away. It left me even more fiery and inhibited. Everything about it scared me, I scared me. He was actually coming. I hadn’t left him behind, back in his apartment, inside that wet dream, a memory neatly wrapped up never to be visited again. Phil was actively existing, and doing it in a way that was closing the distance between him and me, and the reality of it felt so big. No updates in a while from him, that meant that he was on the road. I tried to breathe normally. I had cleaned the house twice already.
Still, his arrival took me by surprise. He stood in my doorway, clean-shaven and with a comforting determination about him.
‘Oh darling,’ he said, regarding my bewildered state. He was so different now than when I met him at the Black Horse a week prior. He was so soft to me now.
He touched the back of my neck and weaved his fingers in my hair. Then he hugged me tight, my face to his chest. He was like a beacon, he held me like a child.
‘Don’t be nervous,’ he said. My heart was racing. And I could hear his heart, thumping into my ear.
‘I am nervous,’ I whispered. Then I laughed at myself. We shared a short glance, from which I quickly looked away. But then I willed myself to look back at him, I could feel the pull of his gaze. An addicting excitement struck me. Something shone behind his gray eyes and sent a very peculiar warmth down my spine, into my chest and loins. It conquered my nerves in a way, and made space for something new, something as shaking, but more brave. I kept drinking it in. He took my hand.
‘So am I,’ he said. There was smoke on his breath. I stared at his mouth and I realised we hadn’t kissed yet. We stood there, catching our breath before anything had even happened.
My face turned red. I led him into my living room-slash-kitchen.
‘Tea?’ I said. ‘I made some earlier.’
‘Lovely, thanks.’
‘Are you hungry?’ I looked at his teeth.
Phil gave me a look that made every cell in my body stand at attention.
‘Yes.’ His voice was heavy.
I slammed the mug down on the kitchen counter and we met in a desperate embrace. He wrapped his arms around my waist, lifting me to stand on my toes and I grabbed his face with both hands, kissing him deeply. His tongue filled my mouth, it was strong, demanding, sending a ripple of want through my body. Our tongues slid over on another as if we’d never tasted something so thrilling. The taste of him was intoxicating. Sweat was breaking through his shirt.
He lifted me onto the counter. This didn’t bring us face to face, he was still towering over me, so I leaned back to kiss him as I wrapped my legs around his waist. He pressed his crotch into me. I moaned.
‘Bedroom is upstairs,’ I said, but he ignored it.
‘You ever been fucked in this kitchen?’ he breathed into my mouth.
‘Not. Yet.’
He kissed me hard, pushing his tongue between my lips, taking my mouth, making me feel how much he wanted me. I ran my fingers over his cheeks and into his neck, started unbuttoning his shirt. Phil stopped to look at me as I did so. He raised an eyebrow, and I suddenly felt as if he was grading my performance. I tried not to show how it made me feel like I did when I was sixteen, gauchely attempting to reveal nothing of my desires and still look like I knew what I was doing.
‘What’s your favorite position?’ he rasped. It gave me chills. As some of the teacher slipped through, he held my gaze, expectantly. His wandering hands betrayed this facade.
‘Doggy, usually,’ I said. ‘But you know that already.’ His face did not change.
‘It’s because I can feel it… deeper inside me,’ I said softly. Now, I definitely saw a response. Lust in his eyes. He bit his lip.
‘But with you, all of it,’ I confessed. ‘You can reach every bit inside me that needs to be touched.’ It was too much to say, perhaps. Realistically, we had only just met as adults. But I tried to stick to what I had promised myself: to be real with him. To tell him what I wanted. What I needed from him. I was not sixteen anymore. He sunk his forehead to my shoulder.
‘God,’ he moaned. ‘You need it, do you?’
He turned his nose into my neck and inhaled deeply. I arched my back to his touch.
‘Yes!’
‘Good!’ He heaved. With new vigor, he kissed me, his hands in my hair.
‘I want to feel every bit inside of you,’ he mumbled against my lips. ‘Make you cum over and over.’
He kissed me with open mouth, then my cheeks, my neck, until my face burned and his saliva was cooling it to the air. I shivered, my pussy contracting painfully, gleefully. I loosened his belt, his trousers. He pulled my top over my head, exposing my naked breasts. Phil’s moan was my reward for not wearing a bra, I thought, as he took my left tit into his big mouth. I balled a fist into his hair. My body was on fire. I rolled my hips, grinding against his cock, seeking friction and feeling the wetness between my lips.
‘Phill…’ I sighed, ‘I want you so bad…’ I opened his belt and the button of his jeans. I wanted to slip a hand inside, but he lifted me off the counter to undress me all the way. Then he turned me around and, hand on my shoulder, like he had done the last time, prodded me down on all fours.
His fingers parted pussy lips. Then his tongue, warm and slow, ran over my cunt. I couldn’t see him, but imagined him there, the big man on all fours behind me, shirt and trousers hanging loose, his face between my cheeks.
‘Yes…’ I sighed, resting my head on my arms, vaguely thanking myself for having mopped the floors.
‘Fuck,’ he said, in between lapping his tongue over me. He bore his fingers in my cheeks, slapped them both.
‘Ah!’
‘Is that okay?’ Phil said softly, kissing a trail of kisses over the burning flesh.
‘Yes. Yes, please.’ I couldn’t even finish or he had probed his tongue in my cunt, demanding, teasing.
‘You and your pleading,’ his voice was thick, he spanked me again. I moaned.
‘Good girl…’
There it was. My kitchen blurred before my eyes. Good girl. He did know me. He said more, but his voice didn’t reach me anymore through the fog in my brain and the burning in my cheeks, the wet heat in my pussy. A haze, his tongue taking me further from reality. My mind sharpened when he prodded a finger at my entrance. I looked over my shoulder and saw his concentration, his face wet and shining, as he pushed inside. Just one finger. My body contracted around it. All tension of the day crumpled on impact with his persistent touch to my g-spot. My lips engulfed him, and in a shuddering and shaking mess I came, my heat and his saliva dripping down my thighs.
Then his touch was gone. He rested his hands on his knees. I turned and weaved my fingers in his hair, feeling the sweat on his scalp. I kissed him, needy at first, reaching for his cock, but when he did not respond my lust tampered.
‘Phill…’
He looked up, face flushed. He sighed deeply.
‘We can wait,’ he said softly. ‘We have all weekend. Maybe we should have dinner first.’
‘Something wrong?’
‘No, no, I am… I have… I am fifty-five, love.’
Somewhere, a clock was ticking. I felt like I was supposed to know what this meant.
‘Uhm.’
He looked at me and opened his mouth a couple of times as if he wanted to tell me something. My patience didn’t cut it with him.
‘What?’ The word barely left my mouth. Phil sighed.
‘I brought some cock pills,’ he said. He looked away.
‘Might as well tell you, because last time I couldn’t… you know, more than once. But I don’t want you to think that that is no priority of mine. It is. And we can. So you know, this is… I don’t always need one, but right now I probably do.’ He stared at my ceiling. My pussy stirred again.
‘I did think about hiding the fact that I am an old fart,’ he continued. ‘But that would be pathetic. I’d hate myself if I’d tried sneaking them in and then holding you off for half an hour. I don’t want to make you feel like I don’t want you. Just didn’t think I would have to whip them out this early on.’ He laughed, but there was discomfort behind it.
‘It’s good that you told me.’ I said. ‘And that you brought them. If it helps you get hard, I… well, that is what I want. I think that is very sexy of you.’ It sounded awkward, but I meant it. Phil’s eyes found their way back to mine, and it gave me those chills again. I know you, I couldn’t help thinking.
‘I’ll make us dinner,’ I said. ‘And after that I think you should take one of those pills.’