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Regulus never quite learned how to voice his own feelings.
Since he was a kid, Regulus was told to suppress all the emotions that would lead to him being seen as weak— be that love, kindness, curiosity— he was taught to bury it all. And the worst part was, he listened.
So as he grew up and watched his elder brother leave without being able to voice why he needed him to stay, as he made lifetime friends that he couldn’t voice his gratefulness to no matter how badly he wanted to, as he somehow made a found family for himself without being able to say the simplest “i love you” to them— Regulus thought himself to be hopeless.
If he never voiced his love, if he never showed them how much he cared— then why would anybody bother to stay? It’s a thought that plagued him, mercilessly bit away at him every single day.
That is, until he met James Potter.
James Potter who was intrigued by his seemingly ‘couldn’t-care-less’ attitude. James Potter who laughed openly every time Regulus made a sarcastic quip at him instead of snapping back. James Potter who gently peeled every single one of Regulus’s layers, one bit at a time to see who he truly is underneath it all.
James Potter who promised to stay and never did break that promise.
“Why do you bother staying?” Regulus asked one night, as they lay underneath the stars. He wasn’t sure where he found the sudden confidence to ask.
James turned his head towards the other boy, obviously taken aback by the question. Regulus kept his eyes stubbornly on the brightest star, but that didn’t help the way his ears reddened slightly.
“Why wouldn’t I stay, Reg?” James asked softly after a moment.
Regulus blinked— wasn’t it obvious why?
“Because I don’t say it back.” He replied simply. James continued to stare at him with an intensity that made Regulus flush more.
Regulus didn’t specify what exactly he didn’t say back, but James seemed to understand immediately. He always did.
“Reg. Love, would you look at me?” James asked after a beat, his voice like a gentle caress. Regulus obliged.
“I love you.” James said, so simply. As if it were just a fact— the sun rises from the east, you need oxygen to breathe and James Potter loves Regulus Black. A simple fact, but no less fundamental.
Regulus’s breath hitched. He pushed James playfully out of embarrassment, murmuring a quiet stupid git before smiling softly and burying his face in the other man’s chest.
James chuckled which made his entire chest vibrate.
“See, you do say it back.” He said, running his hands through Regulus’s hair.
Regulus blinked before pulling back just enough to look up at James, “What?”
James smiled down at him, “You do say it back. You just did.”
Regulus raised a single brow, “I called you a stupid git, James.” He deadpanned making James laugh.
“Yes, yes you did.” James replied, his tone still filled with amusement, “But you also pulled me in.”
Regulus faced scrunched up slightly, showcasing his confusion.
“Sure you called me stupid and shoved me a little,” James started, bringing his thumb up to relax the crease between Regulus’s brows, “But then you quite literally fisted my shirt and pulled me to you.”
Regulus blushed hard, “Shut up.”
James laughed, readjusting his thumb so he could run it over Regulus’s lip, “You’re doing it again, Reg. You say you’re pissed but then you follow that up with a smile and snuggle closer.”
Regulus, still embarrassed, buried his face impossibly deeper into James’s chest.
“So… no, maybe you can’t word it just yet. Or perhaps you’ll never quite be able to,” James ran his hand up and down Regulus’s back slowly, “But that’s alright— because everything you can’t word, your actions say for you.”
And wasn’t that just everything Regulus needed to hear, all in one sentence.
“You’re always saying it, love. You’re always showing me— and that’s how I know you want me around.” He gently urged Regulus’s face up so their eyes could meet, “That’s why I love you to hell and back.”
Regulus’s eyes began to water.
“You’re scarred, Reg. You were taught to never show emotion— yet you throw all those teachings out the window for me, even though it’s so difficult. And if that’s not love, darling. I don’t know what is.”
Regulus stared at James for a moment before pouncing on him, he had never closed the space between them faster.
Regulus wasn’t sure what he had done to deserve the man he was straddling— the beautiful, glowing, sun of a person. But he thanked all his lucky stars and promised that he would always keep this man happy.
Because James took the time to understand him better than he did himself— and for that, Regulus would never be able to love him enough.