Archive of Our Own

r/AmITheAsshole · Posted by u/xXElegant_ScienceXx 2d ago.

AITA for caring about my husband's health?

I, (24M) and my husband (24M), have a very special, very unique bond. We've known each other since we were eleven, gravitating towards each other almost instantly from the first time we spoke. It took hardly any time at all for us to consider each other the best of friends and spend most of our time together. Since then he's been my greatest support and ultimate knight, even saving my life once when we were children. He is, without a doubt, the most important person in my life.

He is also very flippant about his health.

I suppose it helps to add that since I was in elementary school I've had an interest, perhaps even an obsession with science. By the time I was ten, I was taking college courses and building my own rockets. My husband is very aware of this and very supportive, even if he doesn't have the same interest in the logic behind the way the world works.

Well, since we were children he's always had a horrific sweet tooth. He had a love for lollipops especially, I rarely saw him without one. He's allowed to enjoy whatever he wants, though I do try and encourage him to indulge with some kind of moderation, but I digress. By the time I was thirteen, I was starting to get worried for him.

Physically, he's always appeared in good health, but many of these issues can hide beneath the surface. That, and he's always been quite the resilient character, so I could easily see him pretending that he has no symptoms because he can "push through".

I've truly had no ill intent in my work, all I've desired since my youth is to see this man happy and healthy. Emphasis on healthy.

So, I've been doing my best to keep accurate medical records on him. It started small, saliva samples from discarded lollipop sticks and cigarette butts (Yes, he exchanged the sugar addiction for an even worse one), occasional urine samples where I could get them, etc., all information neatly filed to create a detailed medical history. It's quite the elegant system, really.

Some time after we started dating, when we were far more comfortable with each other, I realized one way I could vastly improve my data. You see, blood samples can give you so much more information on a person. If I could get my hands on my then boyfriend's blood, I could easily keep an eye out for any worrying signs that might require a visit to a doctor with more experience in medicine.

One night when he was staying over at my place, I decided to sneak a small sample. Just enough to put under my microscope. Theoretically, I could have asked, and he'd surely agree. However, I didn't want to weigh his mind down with the stress of worrying about his health. After a hospital run-in myself when I was nineteen, I can confirm that the waiting is the worst part. If he didn't even have to think about his health being in danger, it'd be much easier on him mentally (and thus, physically) in the long run.

It was a roaring success, he hardly stirred and didn't even question the bandage the next morning. His blood sample was elegant too, just as I suspected it would be. Perfect amounts of sodium, potassium, chloride, bicarbonate, blood urea nitrogen, magnesium, and creatinine- Though I will admit, his glucose levels are healthy but could use some work.

He has higher levels of buccal microflora as well, but that is to be expected with his smoking habits. His macrocytic RBCs and red cell distribution width are also affected, aligning with studies done comparing smokers to those who abstain from the toxic gas he loves so much.

He soon started his career in the military so I could not get my samples as often. But still, every time he comes home we spend a lovely evening together, eventually he falls asleep, I take my sample and he's none the wiser. We are a completely normal, completely happy couple.

By now it's been practically a decade of this, and while my methods have gotten more advanced I suppose I've also gotten a little comfortable in this arrangement. About a month ago, he was able to get some vacation time and stay with me. Of course, I took my blood sample as usual, but for once he woke up in the middle of it.

The poor thing seemed a little disoriented and confused, but I just told him to hold still and relax and it'll all be over soon. He values rationality over emotion like I do, so of course he listened and let me do my thing. Afterwards, since the cat was already out of the bag, I explained what I was doing, why, and even showed him the decade of medical history I've amassed on him.

He was quite impressed, no signs of apprehension or disgust at my secret bloodletting and saliva stealing habits. Perhaps a tiny bit after learning how I managed the urine sample, but it was a very inelegant process that anyone would find strange. Clearly not enough to deter him, as now after a decade of history he's agreed to start supplying me with urine samples. Needless to say, I am ecstatic to have my collection grow.

In fact, he had even cracked a joke that I found very funny, funny enough to share with a co-worker the other day when something vaguely related came up. Now, let me be clear that this was perfectly normal office humor, I've heard far worse from these same people that wanted to hunt me as if I were a witch.

Now, my co-workers are "worried about me and Stanley" and "think we should see a therapist", in fact someone whom I had even thought was close enough to be akin to a friend and had invited over to our home in the past pulled me aside. He (39M) dared to bring my collection of my husband's lifetime achievements into this- calling it a "shrine" of all things!

Shrine implies some level of deification, when it is more akin to a relic of appreciation. Trophies from his shooting competitions, newspaper clippings from the time we got kidnapped, photos from our youth to now, I even have one of his baby teeth. It's a miniature museum of the life of the person nearest and dearest to my heart, and to hear it demeaned in this way is frankly insulting. Do I light candles and talk to it every night? Yes. Do I owe anyone an explanation of how I hope with my husband's deployments? Absolutely not!

Frankly, I see nothing wrong with my actions. Does it perhaps cross some arbitrary "moral" line, to take these samples while he was unconscious and thus technically non-consenting? Maybe. Does my husband have a single problem with it? No! To put it in his own words, he called it "kinda hot", and "Not in the top five weirdest things [I've] done."

Personally, I think people take too much stock into ethics and morals when it comes to science. We can pump an absurd amount of money into military technology and training of people to kill and conquer, but god forbid the same country who's existence is propped up on the exploitation and murder of other people for their land use that violence to actually achieve something other than gluttonous amounts of wealth.

My point is, my husband is happy, I'm happy, I frankly see no reason for people to be sticking their heads in where they don't belong and telling me and my husband how to live our lives. I love this man, I would never willingly do anything to hurt him, I do this out of love. He's rational enough to clearly see that, it's why we are such a perfect match, and yet I can't help but wonder if our judgment isn't clouded here. Humans are emotional creatures for a reason, even if we lack those instincts it doesn't mean that the underlying mechanisms behind them aren't present in us.

So, Reddit, AITA for caring about my husband's health and actually doing something about it? Do we need therapy?

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