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It is December 8th, 1987. Michael Jackson was still doing hula hoops on the radio, John Lennon was busy creating the atom bomb, and Zach Hadel from Smiling Friends was still alive.
But on this day, something equally magical unfolded; the Intermediate-range Nuclear Treaty between Ronald Reagan and Mikhail Gorbachev. Or in later ages simply known as "The Intermediate-Exchange Treaty."
OPEN SCENE: Mikhail Gorbachev walks into the oval office of the White House. Where Ronald Reagan sits in his desk.
RONALD REAGAN: Good to see you old pal. Why don't you take a seat?
GORBACHEV: I ain't your old friend, dumbass.
RONALD REAGAN: Woah, WOAHH! That's rude. And you know what happens when somebody is rude?
*Gorbachev sits on the chair on the opposing side of Reagan's desk*
GORBACHEV: Let me guess. You bomb them?
RONALD REAGAN: Exactly! You wouldn't wanna be Nagasaki back in 48, do you?
GORBACHEV: No Ronald Reagan, I don't want to be Nagasaki in 1948.
RONALD REAGAN: THEN SHUT YO BITCH ASS UP AND EAT THIS NICE CASSEROLE NANCY COOKED UP!
*Ronald Reagan pulls out the casserole from under his desk and gives it to Gorbachev*
*Gorbachev starts eating the casserole*
GORBACHEV: *chewing the meal* So what did you call me for again?
RONALD REAGAN: You know how you hate me?
GORBACHEV: *still chewing the casserole* With every fiber of my being, why do you ask?
RONALD REAGAN: Okay, so I thought it would be a good idea if we signed a treaty that "legally" makes us allies.
GORBACHEV: *swallows the last of the casserole* Okay, nice idea, but why?
RONALD REAGAN: Because why not?
GORBACHEV: Because it's stupid.
RONALD REAGAN: Says who?
GORBACHEV: Dr. Emmet brown.
RONALD REAGAN: Who the FUCK is that?
GORBACHEV: Nobody, you heard nothing.
RONALD REAGAN: *angrily* You know what? Maybe this treaty was a mistake.
GORBACHEV: No, no. Keep going. I'm curious how low this will go.
RONALD REAGAN: Oh, thank you. But yeah, if you sign this contract *pulls contract out from under the desk* we will be "legal" allies.
GORBACHEV: You Americans and your stupid ideas. I like it. I'm signing it.
RONALD REAGAN: You're not gonna read it first?
GORBACHEV: Why should I read it? What you described is all I need to know.
RONALD REAGAN: Okay.
*Gorbachev pulls his pen out from his vest and signs it*
GORBACHEV: There. Nice talking to you, ally. *Gorbachev chuckles*
RONALD REAGAN: *jumps out of his chair and on top of the desk* MUAHAHAHAHAH! YOU FOOL! YOU ACTUALLY FELL FOR IT.
GORBACHEV: Fell for.. what?
RONALD REAGAN: The contract! And you know what it said in it?
GORBACHEV: That you; the president, can make your nice desk super dirty?
RONALD REAGAN: No. It said I can now "legally" rape you to death!
GORBACHEV: Oh fuck.
RONALD REAGAN: YEAH HAH! TIME FOR A BIG DROP BOY!
*Ronald Reagan jumps in the air and does a somersault whilst in the middle of the air*
"THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO CLICK OFF"
*Ronald Reagan then dives towards Gorbachev, who's standing still, and plants his ass-cheeks on top of Gorbachev's head, suffocating him*
GORBACHEV: *muffled* WHA- THE FUG. GET OUF ME!
RONALD REAGAN: Take these squeezes, big boy!
*Ronald Reagan then squeezes his ass-cheeks three times, suffocating Gorbachev further*
*Before the ass-cheeks could kill Gorbachev, Ronald Reagan jumps off of him with athletic-strength and lands on the desk*
GORBACHEV: I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE! *Gorbachev then runs to the door of the Oval Office*
RONALD REAGAN: Nuh uh UH! *Ronald Reagan gestures*
*Reagan then pulls a laser gun out of his asshole and zaps the door out of existence*
GORBACHEV: Oh fuck, oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck OH FUCK! *Gorbachev is panting and panicking*
RONALD REAGAN: We didn't even start yet Gorbo!
*Ronald Reagan's pants fall all the way down as his dick rolls out*
RONALD REAGAN: Is it six feet? Or is it SIXTY feet?
GORBACHEV: *Scared shitless* I-I think it's.. *gulps* four i-inches.
RONALD REAGAN: WRONG! *Ronald Reagan yells as his dick stretches all the way to Gorbachev's butthole*
*Gorbachev has the face of true horrors beyond comprehension*
RONALD REAGAN: Get ready to get PUMPED! *Ronald Reagan sarcastically remarks before pumping a liter of cum into Gorbachev's asshole*
GORBACHEV: AH!
*Gorbachev grabs Ronald Reagan's dick and throws it back at the man*
RONALD REAGAN: Ew. I don't want my dick. YOU HAVE IT!
*Ronald Reagan then clones his dick with the clone-tool from Gmod and throws it at Gorbachev*
GORBACHEV: NO! *Gorbachev smacks the dick into the window of the Oval Office, shattering the glass*
*Gorbachev notices the newly broken window and starts booking towards it for an escape*
RONALD REAGAN: But we didn't even start! *Reagan then jumps down from his desk and runs up to the jolting Gorbachev*
*Before Gorbachev could reach the outside, Ronald Reagan grabs him from behind and forces his dick inside Gorbachev*
*This time, however, Gorbachev started to realize how it felt to get fucked by Ronald Reagan*
GORBACHEV: That juicy tip.. Oh.. That tip.. *Gorbachev lets out, aroused*
*After that, Gorbachev and Reagan got down on the floor and.. well.. I already spent so much time talking about Reagan's dick. I think you can gather what happens here*
Following the incident. It was made official by Ronald Reagan, and Gorbachev too, they were in deep love. Their marriage was held on December 20th, 1987. And Nancy Reagan was dumped into a ditch to never be seen again.
Later, Reagan and Gorbachev had 3 children. And no, they weren't adopted. Their Children; Terry Reagan, Stewie Reagan, and Melissa Mikejikel grew to be well-respected entrepreneurs. With Melissa becoming a U.S Senator in 2019.
To this day, it is unknown as to why Reagan did it. But he did. And it was kind of crazy.
Yeah.
THE END