Chapter Text
You’d been playing the game for long enough that it had been ingrained into your routine, almost without you noticing. It was always there, a click away, ready and waiting for you.
You reached for it after the long days, the days where things felt a little heavier than usual. It was what you went for when you finally allowed yourself to feel the things you’d learned not to mention anymore. Even on the good days it was constantly there with you. It made things feel quieter, easier to manage - like a break from the never ending noise you couldn’t escape from.
You enjoyed reading other people’s love of the characters, the silly comments and the sad edits. People talking about their multi-mains, all the different routes to take, putting all the men together in their own little harems. It was amusing, and you loved seeing how other people interpreted the guys and how they’d interact with each other.
But…
Well, as pretty as the other guys were - you weren’t blind - only a certain crimson gaze truly made you keep coming back. And you were perhaps a bit too invested in him.
You told yourself at first that it was normal, many people have strong emotions towards fictional people - especially in a dating game, it was practically expected. And besides, he was - they all were - built to be exactly what you needed. Their design, the voices, it was all built to give the player a sense of…acceptance? The men had their own issues so you didn’t have to pretend to be perfect next to them, just yourself.
And that was everything to you.
But then that feeling grew. Into something you couldn’t quite name. Into something that no longer felt like just interest. It felt like something deeper.
But that wasn’t possible. No. The strange pull you felt, the calm he gave, the quiet comfort, those were all just game mechanics.
It didn’t matter that sometimes you felt like that pull was about to tear you apart, or that if you thought too hard about it - studied it too closely - an uneasy feeling would build inside of you.
So you didn’t.
You ignored the lingering thoughts of how real he felt sometimes. You put those thoughts in a neat box in the corner of your mind and kept it there to never be looked at. Fictional men shouldn’t ground you the way he does, they shouldn’t create these feelings of safety in you.
Those thoughts always led to uncomfortable tensions, almost like you were being stabbed, so you had no intention of following those thought trains.
But regardless, the game had definitely become more to you than just mere entertainment.
It had become somewhere you didn’t have to fake it. Didn’t have to be someone you weren’t. Somewhere pain and struggles weren’t dismissed or softened, they just existed and wove into the story like it mattered. Like they weren’t problems to be dealt with, but instead they were just parts of you. Part of you to be cherished - even if you found them hard to look at.
It helped that MC’s chronic issues were so similar to yours, especially in Sylus’ myths. It made you feel seen, but also allowed you to slip into her perspective easily.
Perhaps a bit too easily.
You know it's just good writing, it's meant to make you feel loved, seen, protected and safe.
Still…when things hurt - when your mind refused to calm, the world felt too loud, too bright, too sharp or too far away - the game grounded you. It didn’t fix it but it allowed you to exist.
Your life wasn’t bad, not by any standards. It wasn’t great, but it was stable, predictable.
You had your routines. Comforts that helped pass the time. You weren’t unhappy.
But still those feelings remained. That sense that you were missing something. Not dramatic or urgent, just this absence you couldn’t name. A feeling that if you reached hard enough you’d find something, even if you had no idea what it was.
Perhaps that was what drew you to the game. It calmed the pull, let you breath as you waited for something unnamed.
And so tonight you do as you usually do. You crawl into your bed, surrounded by plushies and far too many blankets, and you open the game.
The first thing that greets you is a surprise. A new update, one that for some unknown reason hadn’t been announced anywhere. That alone made you pause.
But not for long. Excitement sparked inside you - your mind already racing with possibilities for storylines, content, theories.
The pull grew stronger.
You didn’t question it. Your hand moved before you consciously decided to.
The download started.
As the progress bar filled, a heavy sleepiness crept in.
Not the normal kind, or even the bone weariness you were accustomed to. This was deeper. So strongly enveloping you that you had no chance to fight it. You felt it settle over you like a heavy weight, somehow still comforting even as your thoughts slowed.
You blinked, trying to clear your mind and focus on the screen.
You remember thinking you’d just rest for a second, just close your eyes while it finished downloading.
Your eyes begin to slip closed. You stopped fighting to remain awake, stopped fighting as the pull seemed to grow stronger as you gave in.
The screen flashed.
Dark red, familiar. Warm. Your half-awake state is unable to make sense of it even as it draws you in.
Your chest tightened - confusion, maybe. A flicker of unease.
A stronger feeling of finally even as you didn’t understand it.
A deep sigh and you sink into the feeling, allowing it to wrap around you, to draw you in further. You sink into the darkness as your eyes finally slip closed.