Work Text:
The day looks so perfect it makes my soul ache.
With each passing day, it becomes harder to get out of bed and learn to live with his absence.
I went to the kitchen and, for just a moment, I thought I saw him standing in front of the coffee maker, waiting for the coffee to be ready so he could take it, along with the pancakes I loved, to our bedroom; but the memory was as fleeting as the ease with which my tears flowed.
I reminded myself that I wouldn't cry, not today, so I wiped away my tears and started making the coffee. Without anyone asking me to, my gaze fell on the calendar; there was a specific date circled in red with small drawings of balloons.
I sighed.
It was February 10th again, my birthday again, and it would be the first of many without him. I should feel happy on this day, but I couldn't, and I still can't.
Even with my children by my side, things wouldn't be the same without him. His passing was still so recent. We had spent so much time together that these months without him felt like being in hell without actually being there, sadly remembering every moment we shared and longing to be with him.
I felt tears welling up again.
However, a short time later, there was a knock at the door.
It struck me as odd, because my children weren't due back for another few hours.
I went to open the door and found a young delivery woman holding a bouquet of flowers—red roses, his favorites—and a small box. She was looking at some papers and then glanced up at me.
- Are you Mrs. Ackerman? -the delivery woman asked.
I was still in shock and didn't answer right away.
- Yes, excuse me, yes, that's me - I replied.
She gave me a small smile before handing me the flowers, the box, and… a letter.
- This must be a mistake. I didn’t order these things.
- Uh, no. Your address and name are correct, so it’s not a mistake.
I was surprised.
- Before I go, I need you to sign this - she said, offering me some papers, which I signed. “Well, that’s all.”
Before she left, I stopped her; I needed to know who all this was from.
- Excuse me, I’d like to know who sent these gifts - I asked.
Her gaze shifted to the delivery receipt.
-The sender’s name is Eren Jaeger.
I felt my breath catch in my throat, and the words wouldn’t come out.
-Well, if there’s nothing else you need, that’s all. Have a nice day - she said as she walked away. Meanwhile, I felt like my body was frozen in place, unable to move from the doorway.
When I was finally able to move, I went to the living room and placed the gifts on the table. Then I prepared to open the letter.
I could see his handwriting. My hands trembled as I recognized his script. I took a deep breath before beginning to read.
“My dearest Mikasa:
I know you're reading this letter, and the only thing I want to do is apologize again for leaving you too soon. I also know how strong you are, my love, but how I wish it were me going through this grief.
I hope you're not crying when you receive this. I don't want you to feel guilty for smiling again.
But the main reason I'm writing this letter is so you know that even though I'm not always with you anymore, I haven't forgotten you. I've arranged for you to receive something from me for every birthday and special day because even though I can't be by your side, I want you to never doubt how much I love you and how much I will always love you.
Don't feel bad. The day will come when our souls meet again, but until then, promise me that you will keep living.
With all my love,
Eren.”
The tears kept flowing; it was a sea of weeping.
I clutched the letter to my chest.
I took a deep breath, wiped away my tears, and my eyes drifted to the small box I hadn't yet opened.
I pulled it toward me; it had a pretty lining and a large pink ribbon. I didn't want to open it because of how beautiful the wrapping looked, but curiosity got the better of me.
When I opened it, I found a music box.
As I turned the crank, a soft melody began to play, filling the room with memories. The memories came flooding back; it was the same song I used in the ballet performance where we met.
I closed my eyes and, for a moment, felt as if I had returned to that moment.
As it opened completely, a small ballerina began to twirl slowly to the rhythm of the song.
My chest tightened, and the tears returned unbidden, but this time they weren't for remembering what I had lost, but because, even though he was no longer there, he still cared for me, and that made me love him even more.
And the same thing happened four days later, on Valentine's Day.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
🌹🌹🌹