Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

He looked at himself in the mirror.

Saps feels like he is staring at the ghost of himself.

What's happening? He lifts his hand, and only then does he notice it. His fingers are wet. Saps stared at them in confusion, turning his hand slightly as if the answer would appear on his skin. Then the realization sinks in. He looks up again and sees his face clearly now. His eyes are red. 

But why? What am I hurting for? Where are you?

The room feels too quiet. He takes a step, and that is when he notices it.

A single purple flower in his desk. He does not remember placing it there nor owning it. Yet it feels right, like it has always belonged in that spot right next to his reflection. Its petals have fallen onto the floor, scattered.

Something twists in his chest then everything clicks.

"I will always find you."

He remembers standing beneath the wide, endless sky, lifting his hand and lining his fingers up as he says it. There are so many stars. He remembers wondering if he was dreaming. His heart pounding as his fingers reached for the brightest of them all. There was so much light in that black sky but he always searches for the same one.

Please be here.

The pain hits him all at once. Saps clutches his chest as he starts to run. His legs moving before his thoughts can catch up. He leaves his vacation home without looking back. The island around him is beautiful, with white sand lining the shore, clear water reflecting the light, tall trees standing still, and sunlight spilling over everything.

It does nothing for him. A paradise without him is meaningless.

Please.

He runs along the edge of the island, near the caves. His eyes scan over every path where someone might be waiting.

He does not know where to go. He only knows he has to keep moving. But no matter where he goes, there is no one. Where are you?

"You looking for someone?"

He freezes. Purple eyes stares back at him.

Saps smiles, relief crashing into him so hard his knees nearly gives out. Flux stands there the way he always does, calm and steady, as if he has always been there waiting. His jet black hair moves with the wind, and suddenly everything feels right again. He is here. He is here with me. And I remember.

"This island looks amazing." Flux says, gesturing at their surrounding. He is holding an axe. "What's your name?"

Oh. Of course.

"It's Saps." He answers. "Short for Saparata."

"Mine is Fluixon." Flux stands and glances around, and only does Saps realize they are not alone. "Want to join us?"

Saps smiles, his eyes bright in understanding as something warm settles in his chest. "Of course."

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Saps recognizes Thomas, he recognizes most of them. He can't stop himself from staring at Flux though, his gaze lingers, taking in the purple and gold coat draped over his shoulders, the way it catches the light. It looks good on him. Too good. He looks like a prince. Is he one?

Are there kingdoms around? He probably needs a map. The island they’re standing on is already massive, and he can spot others nearby, scattered across the sea. If he has to guess, they’re in an archipelago, far from anywhere he’s ever known. Flux almost certainly knows this already, he’s smart like that. He looks at him again in awe.

Someone snickers behind them, Saps does not look away.

"I would like to express my gratitude for allowing us into your nation," Flux gives him a glance, Saps steadies himself. "We are travelling to the north. We are from Luminara."

"This is not a nation, I'm alone." Saps corrects him. He just made his vacation home away from everyone. He doesn’t have any real power.

"Oh? I was under the impression there is a nation in this island."

"Well, I made a vacation home on it," Saps grins as he sees most of them turn around towards him with interest. "No one was here, so I just took it."

From behind them, Thomas calls out, a smirk in his voice, "You mean you just… claimed it for yourself?"

"Finder’s keepers?" Saps shrugs.

"Must have been undiscovered." Flux tilts his head. They’ve been walking through the cave for nearly ten minutes now. He had briefly introduced Saps to the rest of the group before casually tossing him an axe. "You got lucky."

I know.

"It must be nice to have an island all to yourself," Gotoga comments. He sees several of them nod in agreement. "So what do you plan to do with it? Are you still building something?"

Is he? He certainly could use the help of a good builder for the roof of his vacation home, his gaze slides over to Flux.

"Diamonds!" Hyvrotation yells, fingers pointing toward a corner of the cave where something shines brighter than anything else around them. Yeah. Those definitely looks like diamonds.

"Huh," Flux murmurs under his breath.

Saps hears it anyway. He always does. He tilts his head slightly, and Flux notices, raising a brow before breaking into a familiar grin.

"Looks like we’re really in a paradise."

They start to dig. Saps grips the axe and slams it down with all his weight. The others stops digging to watch him work. He hears Hyvrotation and Newkids whispering to each other; Newkids nods at whatever Hyvrotation says. Saps is already on his twentieth diamond.

"So, are you a warrior or what? How are you this-"  Gotoga asks, leaning forward, just as Hyvrotation blurts, "Can we adopt him into the group? We can make him do—"

"It’s just a matter of experience." Saps shrugs and surveys the diamonds they’ve mined. Thomas and Snowbird are already working on crafting armor from them. Flux stands nearby, making sure everything is done correctly. They’re making one for him, too. He notes. "I used to mine a lot," he adds casually.

"You're cool." Newkids says, Saps smiles at him.

They keep digging and joking while Saps continues his work. There’s a casual ease between them, the kind of comfort that only comes from years of trust.

Saps notices the little things: Thomas helping someone without being asked, Snowbird covering a mistake with a grin, Hyvrotation nudging Newkids whenever he sees him getting bored, Gotoga giving them advice and carefully inspecting the minerals they have. And then there’s Flux, silently watching over them all, making sure everything is okay. Even at a distance, he fits into this dynamic.

Saps can’t help but feel a pang of something he hasn’t felt in a long time: a mix of awe, respect, and maybe a little envy.

"Here." Saps is pulled from his thoughts as Snowbird hands him a piece of diamond armor. He sets his axe on the ground and slips it on. From the corner of his eye, he sees Flux walking toward them.

"Good?"

"It fits me," Saps says, gesturing at himself. "Thank you, guys."

"Small offering for the diamonds we mined," Flux shrugs, grabbing a diamond helmet for himself. Saps steps forward, ready to offer help but stops himself. "We’ll be leaving at dawn. If you ever need anything, you’re welcome in Luminara. I’m the vice president, so—"

"Or," Saps interrupts, "you can always come here."

Flux pauses, taken aback. He goes quiet for a moment, deep in thought.

"I’ll hold onto that."

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Out of curiosity, Saps decides to tour Pandora. He meets Jophiel, the Queen of Tricolor, who offers to personally show him around her kingdom.

He gasps as she leads him into an underground city. This kingdom is massive. His eyes move over the structures until they land on a wide circular platform with walls. Two warriors fight at its center while people crowd around, cheering and shouting over their bets.

Saps’ eyes soften at the sight.

Jophiel takes his hand, guiding him from place to place, and he can’t help but smile at her carefree confidence. He notices how much the people of Tricolor adore their queen, how they greet and welcome her with warm smiles. For a moment, he almost feels like an intruder.

“Oh, Saps. I have to ask you something,” Jophiel says, her voice shifting, serious now. He realize they’ve somehow drifted away from the crowds, they’re alone. She stops walking, her eyes steady on his.

“I spoke with Flux. He really likes you, so he recommended you to me." Flux recommended me to what? "You see, there’s going to be a meeting between the nation leaders, and we’ll need someone neutral… someone who can act as a mediator.”

Saps swallows, feeling the weight of her words. He’s not sure if he can be someone like that, but the trust in her eyes makes him consider the offer seriously.

"I'm not really…" Saps bites his lip, hesitating. This is a huge decision. His mind goes back at the fact that Flux recommended him. Flux must have trusted him a lot then. He exhales slowly. "Alright, I’ll do it."

Jophiel’s eyes widen, and her mouth falls open in surprise. "Oh, wow. I’m glad. That went better than I thought." She steps closer and takes both of his hands in hers. "Don’t worry, you’re under my protection now."

Saps feels a strange mix of relief and something heavier he can’t quite name.

Before he knows it, the meeting is happening.

The room is tense. Saps notices someone is under the table and a shiver runs down his spine. This meeting, with all the leaders of Pandora, could go wrong in a hundred ways. He calls it out, but he gets ignored.

It does not stop them. It does not stop Flux.

Voices rose. They are screaming now. This is bad. Saps could feel it in his chest, a tight knot forming. The arguments, the accusations, the tension. It's all escalating too fast.

"Let’s settle this with a vote," Saps says, forcing his voice out loud. Everyone nods and settles down as they agree on doing what he said, and the voting commences.

It was a landslide.

They will send out aid to Pandora.

He makes a fist and glances at Flux. Flux’s eyes scan the room, a mix of betrayal and defeat in his gaze. Saps wants to reach out, to tell him it’s okay, but he knows Flux does not appreciate that kind of gesture.

He should have reached out.

The first sign something is wrong is Flux not replying to his messages.

Saps sits at the top of his stairs, looking over his island and the sea nearby. The wind brushes against his face, but it does little to chase the sudden loneliness he's feeling.

He hears the news. Flux got demoted. 3Below is furious at him for the meeting. Saps frowns and sends a message, his fingers hesitating for a moment.

>> Saps: Where are you?

No response.

Saps’ chest tightens. Did he left the island?

>> Saps: I heard about what happened.

Minutes pass. Finally, a reply comes. Saps stands, eyes glued to his communication device.

<< Flux: Somewhere.

He stares at the response, conflicted. What should he say? Is there a right or wrong way to reply to this? He shakes his head and pushes it aside. If Flux needs a place, he’ll give it to him.

>> Saps: You know you can come to my place, right?

Saps bites his lip, heart beating a little faster.

>> Saps: I wasn’t kidding when I said I still need help with my roof, you know. And you're the best builder I know.

This one took longer for a response to come through.

<<  Flux: I know.

A beat.

<<  Flux: We’ll be there.

Saps exhales, relief settling in like a weight lifting off his shoulders. Night creeps in, but he doesn’t move. He waits, like he always does. It's nothing new to him.

By the time the boat comes into view, Saps can see Flux clearly. Is he alone? Confusion hits him for a moment, but he doesn’t hesitate to run to where Flux is.

Flux stands before him. He is alone. "Hi."

"Hi?" Saps waves, a small grin tugging at his lips. He does not know what to say. "So… how’s the demoted life treating you?"

"Terrific," Flux says, smirking. His eyes wander over the roof of Saps’ vacation home. Three days after their first visit, Flux and his group returns, ready to help with the construction of his vacation home. Sometimes they hang around his island, snickering and sparring with each other.

On rarer occasions, Flux visits him alone. He sits in a chair, drops some papers on the table, and works silently "I am now a powerless man."

"You are not," Saps says, meeting Flux’s gaze. Flux is anything but powerless. Even when everything seems against him, he always has a plan. "You can be quite unpredictable though."

Flux looks at him, quiet.

"But I know you genuinely want the best."

Flux looks away, jaw tightening slightly. For a long moment, he doesn’t say anything. Then, quietly, almost under his breath, he says. "Thanks, Saps."

That night, Saps dreams more than usual.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Everything after that is blurry. But he can still remember how it all started.

They are being relocated to the snow district. Jophiel will whisper gently in his ear that they are now under a new government. That they are moving to a small town called Bi Frost. She tells him it will be safer there and there are people who will help them.

She leaves the same day. But before going, she places a band aid over a small cut on his hand, one he does not even remember getting. She has always been good at taking care of people.

Glory to Imperia, he hears people chant as they go to Bi Frost. There are red posters everywhere. An eye is drawn over them.

Saps learns Jophiel is needed by the government the next day. She has to go. They need her skill to save people. And because he has nothing else to do, he spends his days playing with the snow. Until one day, a snowball hits him square in the face.

"Hey!" Saps hisses, wiping melting snow from his skin. The boy who threw it runs, but Saps chases after him. "Come back here!"

"Can't handle a little snow?" the boy shoots back. Saps hates his tone. He hates how his smile made his chest feel strange.

"Handle this!" Saps throws a snow back at him, laughing. Its ridiculous how simple things are. How nice the snow feels when both him and the other boy gets tired and ends up lying in the snow, staring up at the sky.

"Fluixon."

Saps blinks. "What?"

"It's my name, stupid."

"Okay, I'm not stupid, you mean freak." Saps says, rolling his eyes. This guy certainly has an attitude. "Also I'm Saps, short for Saparata."

"Weird name," Flux says without shame. "Wanna play more?"

"Sure."

Its so simple. Back then, It was always that easy for them to find each other.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

It took some time but Saps got used to the snow. The government is strict. Jophiel writes letters whenever she can. She is now a member of the ministry of health within Imperia and sends him money he can use. Even then, Flux and Saps will mine minerals to trade for food.

Saps wipes the sweat from his brow, glancing at Flux. Even in the biting cold and harsh labor, Flux moves with grace.

They keep going. They have to. Without mining, there won’t be enough to eat. The snow district does not offer much. Food is always scarce no matter how much they dig, but everyone tries to survive and live.

By the time they pause, their hands are blistered, but they have dugged up a small pile of rare minerals. Saps exhales, chest heavy but proud, and catches Flux’s eye. Flux smirks, just a little, before returning to his work.

Roasted beef for dinner that day tastes better than anything they’ve had in weeks.

"Let's open up a restaurant." Saps says the other day.

"Boring," Flux replies. "We should open an illegal fighting club and let people bet."

"Why would we do that?"

"It's a better way to make money," Flux pulls out a piece of paper and a pen. Saps watches as he sketches a place with a massive fighting ring on the center. Flux has always been good at building so it's no surprise the plan almost looks believable. That is, until he starts adding stick figures of people throwing punches at each other. Why are they holding dripstones?

"See?"

"Lame."

They argue about it for days before finally settling on a compromise. They’ll open up a restaurant, but hidden beneath it will be an underground fighting club with a ring. It will take a lot of time to build but they'll do it together.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Some days, they like to visit the local library. It's small, and there aren’t a lot of books to read. However, they have a quiet corner tucked away, isolated from the rest of the space, where they can just sit and read together. It’s Flux’s favorite spot, and Saps doesn’t mind. It's peaceful, and being there with him feels easy.

"Have you ever heard about the legend of the Sun and Moon?"

"What is that?" Flux looks up at him from whatever he is reading.

"It's a legend. Apparently, there was nothing in the sky before. Then people began to fight. Some wanted light, others wanted darkness, and the world split over on who should own the sky. So every one hundred years, they sent out two challengers to fight for it. The Sun was the best fighter and won every challenge. However, the Moon does not know how to fight. So instead of fighting, the Moon stood their ground and spoke about how the world also needed darkness. The Sun fell in love, but the Moon has already decided they were willing to die for their cause."

Saps pauses, letting the words hang in the air. "On the day of the final battle. A battle where one has to die, the Sun had no choice but to kill the Moon. As expected, the winner conquered the sky and light filled the world again. However, when the Sun realize they could not live without the Moon, they chose to die as well, just to follow them."

"What?"

"Because of that, the sky gained darkness, too. With both of them gone, the world was left with both the Sun and the Moon. But they can never be together, it is only when the Sun leaves the sky can the Moon appear. The Gods felt bad for them, so once in a while, they are allowed to see each other for a short time. It's tragic but beautiful, isn't?"

Flux looks up at him, his expression unreadable.

"How the Sun chooses to die every day, just to let the Moon breathe."

Flux doesn’t speak at first, only blinks, caught off guard. "Why...why would you even tell me this?"

"Boo," Saps says, shaking his head. "It's a good story. I think the Sun is amazing for following their heart, even if it cost them their life."

"The Moon is better," Flux argues. "They stood for what they believed in and died for it."

"Sure," Saps agrees. "But the Sun also sacrificed themself once they realized what they are fighting for."

Flux drops the book he's holding.

"Then be like the Sun. I don't care."

"Hey! why would you say that?" Saps laughs, putting his hand in his chest. "What even made you say that? I don't mind it but-" He looks at Flux, dumbfounded. "You have to be like the Sun too, okay?"

Flux rolls his eyes and goes back to his book, clearly trying to ignore him.

The book is no longer interesting.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Jophiel will tell him stories about the sick. About the people who are hurt. About the people who begged for help but were abandoned by their government. About the people who died.

Glory to Imperia. People are escaping.

Hearing about it is bad enough. Seeing it happen is worse. That day, Saps catches the president in the act. Solev is doing his usual stroll when a woman stops him. She’s thin, clearly hasn’t been eating, and throws herself at him, kneeling, begging for help. Solev looks at her like she’s nothing, like dirt under his shoes.

The guards grab her without hesitation and toss her out onto the streets.

His stomach twists. He does not know what pushes him to do it. What made him scoop a handful of snow and throw it straight to the president. It all happened so fast and before he can even understand what is happening, he is shoved up against the wall of a prison cell.

It's so cold. He shivers at how frigid the cell is. The guards try to hit him with tear gas, and he gags, almost puking onto the floor but he doesn’t beg. Instead, he spits out what’s on his mind. "You guys are corrupt."

He has no regret. That bastard deserves it. Except it all comes crashing down when Flux visits him.

"They won't let anyone visit you."

Saps smiles at him anyway. His heart flutters at the determined look on Flux's face. Flux tells him he has been contacting someone who can act as a lawyer for Saps. Saps will be free soon. Saps believes him.

"I'll be okay then." Saps reassures him. "They are just bitter about it."

It does not go well.

One moment, he was in the cell. The next moment, he is dragged outside, led to the center of the snow district.

What's happening?

There are too many guards holding him down. He can barely breathe. Solev's voice echoes over the crowd. "Let this execution be a lesson to anyone who dares to disrespect the government. Glory to Imperia!"

Execution? 

Saps closes his eyes and thinks about going back to Bi Frost, about Flux greeting him with that stupid grin, about finishing the restaurant together. The food might be decent at best, but the place would feel like home. The underground fighting club would be risky, they could get caught, or maybe they wouldn't. Flux is good at planning after all, and the people would keep it secret because they enjoy it.

It’s going to be difficult, but they could make it work. Everyone would love the place. It would be the best spot in Bi Frost. Hell, maybe even in the entire Snow District.

He was chaotic as a child, rebellious he was as a teenager, and he has many dreams.

He thinks about Flux, and how glad he is that they met. Flux has shaped his life. Maybe, finally, he can tell him how he truly feels.

That is when he hears him.

"Saps!" Flux is pushing through the crowd, eyes red, struggling against the guards holding him back. "No, no, no."  Saps can barely hear him.

Please don't beg for me.

"Saps I-"

There is too much light.

Then there's only darkness.

I'm sorry, Flux.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Saps is in a deep slumber.

He dreams of people, someone named Meagon tells him all sorts of things. She was a spy working against the government, caught and executed by her own people. Others join them over time, sharing stories of Flux, of the government, of the revolution forming, of escapes, of injustice, and of all the chaos.

Saps retreats to his tower and thinks. He cannot die here, not in his dreams. He has tried. The thought terrifies him. The idea that this dream might never end. Yet somehow, it also gives him hope. Maybe, just maybe, he will see Flux again.

"There's going to be a war."

Everyone says it, and he wonders if Flux will ever appear, but he never does. He drifts like a ghost, sometimes feeling as though he is searching for something, other times feeling nothing at all. Why can’t I just disappear?

He looks down from his tower at the people below, who just talk, talk, talk. He closes his eyes, and there is a pull.

He wakes up.

At first, he thinks he is still dreaming, but everything feels different. The cold bites into his skin. He can hear the familiar chaos in his surroundings. Goosebumps rise. What’s happening?

"We won! We are free!"

Free? Saps is not sure he believes in freedom, but when he sees the frost-covered streets he knows so well, the red posters for Imperia torn down, and the people crying, cheering, and holding each other, something stirs inside him.

He realize he is awake, he's no longer dreaming anymore.

No wonder it hurts.

"Flux is dead." Someone says. He does not remember who they are. "He deviated, he was killed by the leader."

He is not dreaming. He died and came back.

And Flux died.

It fucking hurts.

Saps collapses to his knees at the grave before him.

The headstone is simple, just a slab of cold stone with a name etched into it. Flux is going to hate it. He carefully places the set of amethysts he has carried with him, surrounding the grave with deep purple. It’s not much, but it’s all he can offer.

He learns about Lazarus.

"He tried to bring you back," Thomas confesses. Saps wants him to stop. He wants him to shut up. He wants to scream, to shake him, to demand why he let Flux die. "He wouldn’t give up. He must have left something for you. He was always at that restaurant you were building together."

Saps drags his feet through the snow. He wishes the cold swallows him whole. The wind bites at his face, but he keeps moving. The restaurant comes into view. It’s simple - wooden walls, painted white like the snow around it. Unfinished.

That's right. They’ve already started building it. For the first time since he woke up, Saps has something worth looking for.

It takes him some time. Flux is always annoying like that. He finds it anyway.

He finds it on the day he spends hours digging beneath the restaurant, clearing snow to make space. As he digs, his fingers catch on something buried underground. He digs carefully, heart pounding, until he pulls out a bottle coated in ice. He doesn’t know what it is yet, only that it must be from Flux.

Eventually, he opens it. Inside, he finds a letter.

Saps understood what he needs to do that day. "I will find you," he whispers, clutching the letter to his chest. He presses it there, as close to his heart as it can get. He did not let his tears fall. Flux told him to not cry. "I will find you, I promise."

With Thomas’s help, Saps goes to the base of Lazarus and stares at the machine that started everything. Thomas looks at him with a mix of despair and terror when he sees Saps approach it. "You realize it’s dangerous, right? Everyone who knew about it has died."

"I know that." Saps turns to him, his mind already set on a single thought. Thomas doesn’t understand, Saps is ready to die again for this. "Flux and I only need one more chance, don’t you think?"

Thomas looks at him in pity. He deserves it.

It takes an awful amount of time just to understand how the machine works. Saps learns that he is not the only one who is as desperate. Jophiel leaves the government and stays by his side, but no matter how much she tries to help, there are wounds she cannot heal. Imperia has fallen, yet the deaths it caused still linger, some people move on, some follow, some keep trying.

Is this what you felt? Saps caresses Flux’s cold hand. Yes, they’ve dug him out of his grave. Here, he’s surrounded by purple lilacs and amethysts, his favorites. Even in death, Flux deserves to be surrounded by beautiful things.

Grief is a hard thing to face. It’s a battle you can’t win. It sinks its teeth in, and grows with time. The only way to survive it is to grow with it. Unfortunately, Saps doesn't want to grow up without Flux.

Days turn into months, and months turn into years. Most people give up by now, but he doesn’t. By the time Saps finishes the restaurant, there is a huge, empty underground space beneath it. He doesn’t make anything of it though, he just can’t.

Instead, he dreams.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

They are in a prison facility. Saps shudders at the familliar weight of the place, at the danger that clings to the walls, but there is only one thought on his mind.

Where are you? He will soon realize this is another life. Another chance. Against all odds, he becomes a guard, and in a cruel twist of fate, Solev is the warden, he took the position from Jaw, and it was Solev who brought Saps into the system. The irony burns, but it doesn’t matter; Solev seems to be on his side. He can do this. He only needs to find him.

Nothing else matters.

Saps learns quickly that being a guard is less about power and more about routine. He wakes before the bell. He puts on the uniform that still feels wrong on his skin. Most of the guards talk about shifts, about rations, about which blocks are quiet and which ones are trouble. They complain about prisoners the same way they complain about weather. Saps listens more than he speaks.

He learns names slowly. He memorizes the prison layout faster than he should. At night, he studies the prison registry. Names, number and charges until his eyes ache. Flux's name is not there. Where are you?

Patrolling and watching the prisoners go about their routines is painfully boring. He wonders how the perimeter team can stand staring at the outside walls for hours. Then again, he is not one to talk. Waiting is something he realize he's good at. So he waits. He waits for signs. For hints. For anything that might lead him to Flux. It does not come easily.

Months pass for Saps to even allow himself to consider the idea that Flux is simply not there.

The thought sits heavy on his chest.

That is when he sees him.

Saps is assigned to a quieter wing that day. An older section of the prison where the halls stay dim even under working lights. Fewer guards wants this post. Nothing ever happens here. Perfect. Another day of waiting.

He takes his place along the corridor. Prisoners pass in small groups, Saps barely registers their faces anymore.

Then someone steps into view.

Saps freezes. He is here. He is a prisoner. His world narrows to the sounds of boots on concrete. To the familiar purple eyes, to the way his hair falls and to the way his clothes cling to his body as he walks, calm and steady: untouchable.

"Flux I-" the name slips out before Saps can stop himself.

Flux walks past him. There is no recognition in his eyes. He does not even look back. His eyes slide over Saps like he is nothing but another guard in that prison.

I remember.

Saps stares at his hand, still half-raised, reaching out to Flux without thinking. His chest feels tight. He never considered the possibility that Flux would not remember him. He remembered so why wouldn't he? Why would he not remember?

But that is okay. They have time. Saps just needs to be patient. He just needs to be determined and wait longer. Surely, Flux will remember. If not his mind, then his heart will. Saps believes in those miracles, even if Flux argues it's not real. And Saps is right. Because he will not give up. This is their chance.

Working around Solev is difficult. Moving around him is like pulling teeth. Solev is a paranoid man and a huge control freak. Saps does his best to stay on his good side even if it makes him want the pull out his hair and bash his head on the ground. Being a guard gave him access to a lot of things in the prison which is what he exactly needs.

Days pass. And a riot breaks out.

It started when the prisoners are gathered in the central block under the excuse of an inspection. Armed guards line the upper levels. The warden explains it without shame. Prisoners will fight each other to the death. The winners live. The rest are discarded. Saps heard it before, the prison is created for the purpose of entertaining someone but he does not expect something like this. And that is when everything breaks.

A prisoner attacks a guard, and the response is brutal.

Everything collapses at once. Saps finds Flux in the middle of all the chaos. He fights his way to him, he wants to help him get out.

No, no, no. He pleads. Let me reach out to you this time.

He dies before can.

In this life, they were nothing but strangers.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

In the next life, the memories do not return all at once.

They come and go. It starts as whispers. Saps learns that he can communicate with the spirits in this life. When people find out, they flock to him, especially after learning that he can speak to the spirit of Lumine, who wanders in the mountains nearby.

Soon, they form in the shape of visions. Saparata has many of them. It is only when he is appointed as an oracle by the people that he realize the truth. None of his visions are of the future. These visions are of the past and more than anything, of one person.

Flux, who is now a king. Flux who looks at him like he has all the answers in the world. "Did you see anything this time?"

Saps blinks. His mind goes blank. He sees Flux die. He sees himself die.

"I think we will be okay this time."

Flux raises a brow at that, we? Saps knows he has a lot of questions but he did not push Saps further. Instead, he nods and returns to his chambers.

The kingdom of Cresentia is beautiful. It's a town that symbolizes the moon. Everyone honors Lumine for protecting it. This is why the kingdom became associated with the crescent moon. Saps stares at the flag longer than he should whenever he sees it.

Do you remember? Saps watches Flux as he carries himself from meeting to meeting. The symbol of the crescent moon rests prominently on his chest. It looks good on him. With his leadership, Crescentia begins to form a system of governance, a triumvirate council alongside an oracle who aids them in wars. Flux is pretty protective with him in this life, and it heals something within his chest. He loves when Flux is not far away.

Saps disappears after the war, and for a while, everyone thinks he’s dead. Then he appears again. They’ve won. People cheer, but Saps barely hears it. His eyes are on Flux. Flux who meets his gaze and gives a small, quiet nod. He does not say anything.

The king turns away after seeing him, returning to another meeting, ready to full fill his duties. That is when Saps realize they are not meant to be anything more than a king and an oracle in this life despite the bond they have formed. There’s an announcement of a royal marriage, meant to unite two kingdoms. It's arranged. People ask Saps for advice, but Lumine has stopped speaking to him, and he simply says he has no visions anymore. Everyone assumes that means things will be fine.

Instead, Saps learns to fight. He learns to protect in other ways.

The next time he sees Flux, he’s married.

But Saps is there. And that is enough.

Saps was simply reborn.

The next war is not as successful.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

In the next life, fate is unforgiving.

Everything has fallen apart. There is no sign of life anywhere. The world has collapsed on itself and gave up on everyone. There's an ongoing outbreak that devours Paradise city. And whatever the outbreak is, it keeps spreading, quiet and cruel, taking what little is already left.

By sheer coincidence, their paths cross.

Flux is breathless, tired, injured. Every step he takes looks heavier than the last, yet he remains composed. One of the madmen Saps runs into that day hurls endless accusations at him, but Flux stands there and defends himself carefully despite the commotion.

Someone stays at his side the entire time, moving with the careless faith of someone who still believes things will work out. They look around the city like they are on a fieldtrip, an adventure, not at the end of the world. Thomas, he hears Flux call his name.

Saps feels a flicker of déjà vu, but he pushes it aside. Survival comes first. He’s here for a cure, for hope, not for stories.

They do not acknowledge each other at first, except for some greetings, until they met again then again then again.

"How did you survive?"

He led him to his base the one time he saw him nearly die. There was a horde, and Flux had been too close. Saps instinctively grabbed his hand and pulled him to safety when he saw him just stand still. The world keeps getting worse: food is scarce, there's no electricity, and the noises outside never stops even at day.

However, Saps has tools. He can get medicine. He knows his way around, not in this city, but through the heart of the outbreak. He kneels in front of Flux, carefully bandaging his left leg as Flux slumps over a chair, exhausted. "Why did you save me?"

"Answer my question."

"I'm good at my opportunities and there's always stuff lying around." Flux sighs, eyes flicking over his bag. "I mean, who am I to refuse those? It's practically asking me to take it. It's why I went here in the first place."

“Where’s the other person?” Saps can't help but ask.

Flux’s breath stutters. He looks away. His voice goes flat as he replies. “I don’t have anyone with me. Not anymore.”

Saps blinks at that, feeling the loneliness behind Flux’s words.

"Then stay."

Saps doesn’t know why he's saying this. This guy is a thief and a wildcard. He’s seen him move from place to place, seen him take things he shouldn’t. He's probably not trustworthy. He's also reckless and has little to no care about anything. He watched him scale down a skyscraper with vines without hesitation before. However, the base Saps has is safe, built to withstand almost anything. And he wants Flux here. "Stay here with me."

"Should I?" Flux looks at him as if he just wants to sleep. Then he stares at the windows, at the sky. There is no light in his eyes. "Can I stay?"

Saps’ forehead creases at the question, his brow furrowing as confusion washes over him. But it fades the moment he peels away the old bandage on Flux’s arm. The skin beneath is raw and swollen, teeth marks sunk deep into the flesh, bruised purple around the edges. It’s unmistakable.

Flux follows where's he's looking at and smiles. "Don’t worry. It’ll take a day to kick in. I’ve seen it."

Saps looks at him with understanding. And then, after a day, with recognition.

This world is cruel.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

It must have been karma.

In the next life, They find each other chained together. Saps does not remember anything.

Here, he shares his hearts with others. He shared his heart with Flux.

They form an alliance: untitled. They promise each other that they will be each other's day ones. Despite that, Saps learns to live his life with other people. And so did Flux.

Their paths never cross again.

It is only when everything blows apart that Saps remembers everything.

In this life, they were once allies.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

In the next life, they run a nation called Theria.

Turns out, leading and making sure a huge group of people stays alive is a lot more difficult than one can imagine. Endless meetings are one thing, the wars are a different story. Flux is his vice president while Jophiel is their third leader.

There is a growing tension in the desert, Saps realize. He paces back and forth as the meetings became more and more serious and overwhelming.

He wants to give up but Flux will put a hand on his shoulder and say "It's going to be okay." and suddenly, Saps can fight again.

That is, until the assassination ploy fails.

Saps is overwhelmed by guilt. He's not built for this. He's dooming his entire nation with all of this. They are going to come after his people because of him. They are going to come after Flux.

With his death, Theria can be free. With his death, Flux can become the president. With his death, they can be united. They are better off without him, he concludes. So Saps climbs up a tower. The wind feels familiar, almost as if he's been here before. There is nothing for him to go back to. What he needs to do is move forward.

And in that moment, everything came back.

Saps takes the leap and..

f
a
l
l
s

d
o
w
n
.
.
.

In the next life, he does not see him.

Saps remembers everything the moment he opens his eyes. He searches far and wide, looking for any signs, but there is nothing.

Flux is not in this life. Saps wonders if it's because of the fall. Flux is not on the next life either. Then the next, and the next. No matter how long he waits. No matter how much he tries. Saps can't find him. Saps cries until he falls asleep, his dreams are empty.

I am slowly forgetting your face.

Saps feels like he is suffocating.

For the next ten lives, they could not be together.

Saps soon began to dream again, he dreams of falling over and over, and over.

He does not stop falling...

In fact, he's not falling anymore, he's...

f
a
  l
   l
    i
     n
      g

        a
         p
          a
           r
            t

"Hunt him down! Kill him!"

And in this life, among everything that falls, are stalagmites dropping down into the meeting hall, killing almost everyone in its path. It takes out most of the nation leaders of Pandora. And Saps is blamed for their deaths. He falls, and even before he can land on his feet, he runs away.

So cruel. Saps smiles through the ache in his chest. So painfully cruel, flux.

He crushes a poster in his hand. His face is printed on it, the word "KILLER" scrawled across. He knows Flux does not remember. But betrayal is the last thing Saps ever expects from him. They have been friends in most of their lives. Maybe even more than that. Am I just a pawn to you?

So instead of falling. In this life, Saps learns to run and hide. He learns to forget. Or at least, he tries. For the first time since he starts to look, he tries to forget about what he's looking for. He thinks about becoming a pawn, about all the people Flux has killed, about being at the center of this war.

Dying would have hurt less.

In this life, they are enemies.

He finds hope elsewhere. Turntapp protects him, until suspicion rises, and Saps knows he can’t trust anyone again. There is a massive bounty on his head. His legs ache, his blood boils, and he fears it will spill over and burn him alive. They keep sending people to hunt him down. But there's Schpood and he's helping, he actually believes he is innocent and -

"There's going to be a war."

Fate is a cruel stage. Every action has consequences. He cannot save Flux this time.

Because wars are chaotic and tragic, they kill all hope and dreams. He should have known Flux would be a reason for a war like this, in at least one lifetime. Even so, like all wars, this must end.

And it’s okay, Flux does not remember. Saps will carry this memory alone, bury it deep inside where no one can reach it, not even himself. Maybe, maybe he's also saving Flux this way. In the next life, he will protect him, make sure he does not become a villain in anyone's story. At least not like this.

This time, he can forget about this Flux.

And maybe, one day, he can forgive him too.

>>  Saps: Meet me at the colosseum.

Death is merciful now. 

He leaves the volcano.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦
​