Work Text:
Y/N stared into the bathroom mirror, his hands gripping the cold, near freezing, porcelain surface of the sink. His eyes locked with his own the smudges on the reflective surface distorting him.
He really needed to clean.
Eventually, once it felt like it was no longer himself he was looking at he pried his eyes away with a familiar nausea rising from his stomach to his chest. Everything had been a mess these past couple days.
It was simply That time of year again. The snow falling gently from the sky further cementing the dreaded season of winter had indeed arrived and with it Y/Ns bout of yearly sufferings. The thoughts he could usually brush aside the rest of the year were now clawing at his consciousness from waking to slumbering, he couldn’t look at himself without feeling sick, his appetite was basically nonexistent existent, and any simple task like brushing his teeth or changing his clothes felt like a monumental burden.
He had called in sick for the past week and had been managing to get some work from home done though if Kunikidas increasingly annoyed texts were any indication this little “vacation” he was on was doomed to end soon. He’d barely spoken to anyone outside of Kunikida and the president and even then said communication consisted of brief professional emails…he wondered if his small talk with the delivery driver who'd dropped off his latest slew of takeout counted but he shook his head and decided it didn’t.
Sighing he padded out of the bathroom and made his way to his room collapsing onto the bed and nestling himself under his layers of thick blankets just staring ahead. He heard his phone buzzing on his nightstand which made him curl in on himself more. He knew people were probably worried about him but he didn’t have the energy at first to reply and now he just felt so guilty it manifested as a pain in his gut. He wanted to reach out to people, if no one else at the very least his partners…but Chuuya was overseas for the next week off on a mission and couldn’t be contacted. Dazai well, he had his own struggles this time of year too and the last thing Y/N wanted to be was a burden upon him. There was a sudden weight by his side as he moved to glance over at the familiar creature, his cat.
“Im sorry you got stuck with such a miserable bastard for an owner. If I wasn't so selfish I'd give you away to someone who had it in them to play with you more.” He mumbles his voice gravelly, but despite his self deprecation the furball simply curls up by his pillow purring softly which soon lulls Y/N back to sleep.
Knock knock knock. It’s quiet at first, three hits against the wood in quick succession before there’s a pause and then the same pattern again but this time louder. Y/N groans but forces himself onto his feet ready to drive off what he assumes to be one of the occasional salesmen that terrorize the poor older saps that live in his apartment complex. His cat trails behind him perching up in his cat tower to watch whatever interaction awaits unfold.
Y/N throws the door open pinching the bridge of his noise and sighing, “Listen man I really am not in the mood for a sales pitch will you please buzz off and-“ He pauses looking up a bit to the face of the man standing there who is in fact not a random stranger but instead his boyfriend holding a brown paper bag likely containing some takeout. He feels his face flush in embarrassment, his hairs greasy, his clothes are worn and dirty, the apartment behind him is a bit of a wreck- he closes the door behind him which forces him out into the hallway as he attempts to block the other man's view which simply makes the brunette chuckle instead.
“You haven’t been returning my texts or my calls why I even got so drastic as to email you since that seems to be the only way to reach you these days if your correspondence with Kunikida and the president are any indication.” He muses his tone laced with amusement but also an undertone of concern.
“Ah I'm sorry it's just….ive been….” Y/N continues to stop and pause trying to muster something, anything more tangible than the raw truth that he just didn’t have the energy, couldn’t find it in himself to spare two seconds to ease his partner's worries and the realization makes a new wave of guilt and disgust wash over him. Dazai, as if sensing this change in his demeanor, sombered slightly, placing a hand on Y/Ns shoulder with a small squeeze.
“Hey hey Im just teasing you should know that by now hm? I'm not mad at you if thats what you’re worried about. I just wanted to come check on my darling boyfriend and bring him some dinner.” Dinner…. Y/N's eyes flicker to the window at the end of the hall realizing how dark it’s getting he assumes it’s around 6 o'clock or so. Damn he’d accidentally managed to sleep away a whole day.
“Now how about you scooch over and let me pass, you have my utmost word that no matter how bad your place is i've seen worse. I'm not here to judge you. I just want to come in, eat, and maybe if you're up to it you can tell me what's turned my lovely boyfriend into such a recluse these days. Sound fair?” Dazai offers raising a brow. Y/N gives a nod and turns to open his door heading back inside as Dazai trails behind him.
The two soon find themselves back in Y/Ns room lounging on his bed as they slowly eat their food. It's his favorite, part of him is suprised Dazai remembers his order down to the exact condiments and sauces to bring home the other part isn't at all.
“Sorry its um such a wreck in here ive been meaning to clean but I-“ he starts but Dazai soon cuts him off
“Hey, hey it's ok you dont have to make excuses yeah? My place isn’t exactly the pinnacle of order and upkeep, I didn’t come all this way to judge you over a bit of mess…..but now that we're both fed and cozy maybe you'd like to tell me what's wrong?” The other man asks, tilting his head a bit to the side causing Y/N to sigh but eventually relent.
“I dunno its just— this time of year. I mean Im already not great regularly but winter always makes it so much worse. I can barely get out of bed even going to brush my teeth feels like it'll take me a million years and the cherry on top is I just feel so- embarrassed. I feel like when I go out people can sense it in me, like something uncanny, and they look at me with this mix of disgust and pity it makes my skin crawl…. Chuuya will be home in a few days and I feel guilty that I'm dreading it. That I’ll be seen like this. Kunikida is on me and im dreading going back to the office cause people will have questions and I cant just be because then im bombarded with people asking me whats up so I have to play up being alright and it all just leaves me more exhausted…..Dazai….what do I do? How do I make it better?” He asks a slight pleading in his tone but he already knows the two of them are two sides of a very familiar coin. He knows his partner for all his wit and intelligence won't have an answer. Dazai knows that Y/N knows and the two sit in silence for a minute then two.
Eventually the detective lays down patting the spot next to him. Y/N moves their containers to the nightstand and quickly curls up into the other mans side causing Dazai to pull him in closer until hes draped over him, head resting on his chest
“Heh, I always forget how warm you run. You must be saving a lot on heating this time of year.” The brunette teases and Y/N chuckles slightly
“To be honest I still find a way to be cold.” He yawns as he makes himself comfortable his eyelids drooping down
“Get some rest, I’ll be here when you get up. I promise when you come back to the office I’ll keep the others from bugging you too much. You have my solemn vow.” Dazai coos but there's some genuinity in his jokes. Soon enough the duo have both passed out conveniently in time to miss the barrage of calls from Dazai's phone from Kunikida about ditching work early.