Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

July 2020

Brandon Wiebe was scrolling through his Instagram feed. He probably should have been doing some prep work for the season. He was a new coach on a basement-dwelling team but he wasn’t going to bend to the low expectations. He knew the Centaurs had potential, and he needed to do his research on his players to figure out how to tap into that potential. 

That’s how he was justifying the scrolling he was currently doing, at least. He had followed all the Centaurs, as well as a few other players around the league. And, if he maybe poked his head down some non-Centaurs related rabbit holes, that was nobody’s business but his. Which is how he came upon the pictures from Scott Hunter’s wedding. 

Brandon had been following Scott on all social media for the past three years. He didn’t imagine he had been Hunter’s only new follower in the aftermath of the man’s spectacularly dramatic coming-out. Flipping through Hunter’s wedding photos, Brandon smiled at the familiar face of Eric Bennett. Of course Benny would be at the wedding. Brandon knew those two were tight. He clicked over to Eric’s profile to see what he had posted recently.

Eric’s first post was from Hunter’s wedding. A picture of him smiling with Hunter and Carter Vaughn. One of the two grooms dancing. And a picture of Eric with a younger man that made Brandon stop and stare, a slow grin spreading across his face. They were holding hands on the beach, smiling at each other like they were the only people who existed in the world. It had been a long time since he’d seen Benny looking so happy. Brandon pulled up their old text thread. Wow. He didn’t realize how long it had been since they’d spoken - the last text was a few years old. But he and Eric had always had the kind of friendship you could easily slip back into, even after some time has passed.  

***

Eric’s phone dinged with an incoming text.  

Wiebe
[Image]
Retirement is looking good on you

He hadn’t really heard from a lot of people who saw the wedding pictures beyond a few “WTF”s, and a couple “Is this a joke”s that Eric had ignored. But Wiebe’s message seemed genuine. The two of them went back 25 years to hockey summer camps they did together as kids. When the other guys had realized they were too decent to find their asshole antics funny, too smart to be intimidated by a bunch of dudebros, and too good at hockey to be teased, they were kind of on their own. They’d drifted in and out of each other’s lives since then, as much as hockey allowed. 

Eric
Feels pretty good

Wiebe
I never got around to texting that I was sorry to hear about the divorce 
Though I guess that sympathy is unnecessary at this point. 

Eric
The divorce came first. It wasn’t like that. 

Wiebe
I know, man. I didn’t mean to imply
I know you’re not a cheater. 

Eric was surprised to find himself blowing out a relieved breath. Of course he wouldn’t cheat - anyone who knew him should know that. But it was still nice to hear Wiebe say so.

Eric
Yeah. 
I mean. I didn’t think you would 
But some people have so, you know. 

Wiebe
Some people are idiots

Eric grinned. He sometimes forgot how much he liked Wiebe until they were talking again. It was never a conscious decision when they lost touch. Just hockey and life. 

Wiebe
What’s his name?

Eric smiled as he typed Kyle’s name. Wiebe asked a few questions - what Kyle was like, how they met and all that. But as they talked about his boyfriend, Eric felt like he needed to clear something up. Wiebe knew Holly, had been to their wedding. They had gone out to dinner with him and his wife more than once. 

Eric
I just
I mean

Wiebe
?

Eric
I don't want you to think I was lying, being with Holly for 20 years. 
I'm bi. 
My marriage was real. We just grew apart. 

Wiebe
I didn’t think you were lying Benny.  

*** 

Shit, the thought hadn’t even occurred to Brandon, but he guessed he could see how some people might. People who didn’t think bisexuality was real, maybe. Obviously that wasn’t a problem Brandon had. There weren’t a lot of people he had come out to. His wife. A few close friends away from hockey. In some ways it didn’t seem to matter much - he had fallen in love with a woman so the world assumed what it assumed and he didn’t have to hide his relationship like he knew so many queer players must still be doing. 

But sometimes, it felt like he had cut off a part of himself by pretending to the world it didn’t exist. Like he was erasing not just his own sexuality, but whole parts of his past. It would feel good to let someone in hockey know, someone who was safe. He also felt a little nostalgic for his 16 year old self that had been confused and crushing on the quiet hot goalie at the hockey camp they had gone to together. Still, his heart raced a little as he typed his next message.

Brandon
Wish I’d known when we were kids. 
I might have felt a little less alone in my bi panic

Eric Bennett
For real?

Brandon

Actual footage of me at sixteen 

***

Eric spluttered out a laugh. He thought back to that last summer they spent together at camp, sharing meals, gravitating to each other during their free time, falling asleep in the same bed while they watched some show or movie. 

Eric
It didn’t occur to me at the time because I was still in a bit of denial but I think I might have had a crush on you back then. 

Wiebe
Oh, I wasn’t in denial at all. I DEFINITELY had a crush on you. 

Eric smiled. Kyle was going to love this. He could just hear his teasing now. “Oh, what could it possibly mean that my cute bisexual crush and I like to spend all our time together and watch movies and cuddle in bed most nights…?” Come to think of it…

Eric
Were we… I don’t know… dating without realizing it?

Wiebe
Oh jeez
I just thought I was crushing on a straight guy.
But now that I think about it…
Maybe?

Eric
Kyle is never gonna let me live this one down. He was so proud of being my first boyfriend. 

Wiebe
I’ll have to apologize to him whenever I meet him

Eric liked the idea of Wiebe meeting Kyle. For one thing, it would mean they actually kept in touch better. And it was a small group of queer guys in and around hockey - it was important that they stuck together. Kyle and Brando would definitely get a kick out of each other, too.  

Eric
It’s probably for the best we didn’t realize it. Hockey back then was…

Wiebe
It really was

Eric
I’m just glad I never had to hide it when I played. I mean, not saying anything is one thing, but actively having to hide it would have sucked.

***

Brandon stared for a moment at Eric’s last text. It had sucked, having to hide. Brandon was glad that Eric never had to deal with that but he wasn’t going to open up the conversation to explain that he had dealt with it. Brandon had only ever told his wife about that and at least for now, that was how it was going to stay. 

Brandon
Yeah 
Hockey was a different place 25 years ago. 
Fuck, it was a different place 4 years ago. Your buddy did good. 

Eric Bennett
I’m pretty proud of him
It was something special to be around 

Brandon
Hard to overshadow actually winning a cup. That must have been a wild night. 

Eric Bennett
It really was.

Brandon
Made it a little easier to decide to come back to coach, knowing things might be changing. 

Eric Bennett
I’m glad. I was really happy to hear you took that coaching gig.

Brandon
Yeah?

Eric Bennett
Of course. We need more people on that side of the bench who aren’t total pricks. 

Brandon
I do love a low bar

Eric Bennett
Well maybe you can work on raising it for everyone else. 

Brandon
Here’s hoping
Not gonna lie though. I almost didn’t take it because of all the bullshit in the league. 
Do I really want to be a part of the machine that chews players up and spit them out?

Eric Bennett
You don’t have to be. 
You know what a coach can do to set the tone in the room

Brandon
Yeah. 
And I told the organization the kind of culture I want to create. 
They seemed to be on-board with it but you never really know for sure until some kind of shit hits the fan. 

Eric Bennett
From what I hear, that’s the kind of organization they are. 
Probably why they wanted you. 
You have that rep for being decent, you know. 

Brandon
Well I’m sure as shit not going to stand for hazing or slurs thrown around by my players

Eric Bennett
Good. You wouldn’t believe how many teams treat the Prohibited Conduct policy as an open joke. 

Brandon
I bet I would

Eric Bennett
Do you think

He thought that Benny had just hit send too quickly on the last message but the bouncing dots didn’t appear again and the start of a question just hung out there. 

Brandon
Do I think?

Eric Bennett
Do you think you might let the world know there’s more than one queer guy in hockey?
Sorry, is that out of line to ask?
I’m not trying to pressure you

Brandon
No, it’s not out of line…
I don’t know.
Would you judge me if I said no?

Eric Bennett
Fuck, no. 
You have enough to worry about with that shit team and Crowell at the helm of the league.
Believe me, I get not wanting to rock the boat. 

Brandon
Maybe once I get Ottawa a cup. 

Eric Bennett
Yeah, right. Keep dreaming Brando. 

Brandon
I think this team is better than they’ve been playing. 

Eric Bennett
Well, since they’re hovering around the bottom of the league, that’s not saying much

Brandon
I’m serious. There’s some real talent on this team.  We’ve got a new hot shot rookie coming up and Hayes in net. So many of the pieces are there. 

Eric Bennett
Yeah, I’m glad Wyatt got out of Toronto. He’s got real talent and they were criminally underusing him.
And Toronto’s team is full of pricks. 
Wyatt’s a good guy, though. I think you’re going to like him.

Brandon
Do you all have like secret goalie meetups or something?

Eric Bennett
Yes. We meet every week under cover of darkness and perform sacred goalie rituals. 

Brandon
I’m like 90% sure you’re joking but goalies are weird, man. 

Eric Bennett
And then we all pitch in for drinks for whoever’s about to face someone like Hollander or Rozanov

Brandon
See that’s exactly what I mean
Not your weird goalie goat sacrifices, but we’ve got one of the top scorers in the league!
There’s no reason a team with a player like Rozanov can’t get there. 
Am I crazy? 

Eric Bennett
Who told you about the goats?

Brandon
🙄

Eric Bennett
No, I get it
I mean you might be a little nuts but I can see the vision.
Have you met Rozanov yet?

Brandon
Not yet. What’re your thoughts on him?

***

Eric turned the question over in his brain. Rozanov was a complicated guy. Super annoying for sure. He seemed to take a special delight in pissing off pretty much everyone in the league, but it was never mean-spirited. He was also the most perceptive fucker Eric had ever met. He’d managed to figure out that Eric was both retiring and bi before Eric had even told Scott last year. But Rozanov kept those secrets when Eric asked him to, which was decent of him. He tried to think of the best way to describe him to someone who would have to coach him.   

Eric
He’s more perceptive than you’d think, and more annoying than he has any right to be.
But he’s kind of the most charming asshole you’ll ever meet