Chapter Text
Zheyi had been cleaning up the house in boredom. There wasn’t really much to clean, however.
As he was passing the corridor, he stopped in front of the room that belonged to Suren and Zihao. All of the older guys, apart from Hanwen and Suren, had gone out using the excuse of groceries.
Zheyi heard sounds from inside the room. They were quiet sounds, hardly audible, but the house was so quiet that pretty much anyone could hear them from where Zheyi was standing. He turned around to look at the living room. Hanwen and Chauyuet were in the living room playing card games with each other, and Kaiwen was sleeping in his own room.
Zheyi took a deep breath. He set the broom he was holding to rest against the wall, then slowly went towards the door. Though hesitant, he knocked on the door three times.
“Suren?” He called.
The muffled sounds paused for a moment. Zheyi creaked open the door.
There was nothing in the room when he looked around. It was a little dark, however, as the only lighting was only two candles in the centre of the room.
Zheyi was about to leave the room, convinced he had been hearing things. Why would Suren be crying, anyway? As he was about to leave the room, the noises were heard again. Now, he was really sure they were muffled cries.
The sounds came from a little corner in the room. It was a hidden corner, being covered by the large bed and a bedside table. Zheyi shut the door behind him, then made his way to inspect the corner.
There, he saw Suren huddled up in the corner, his knees up to his chest and his head buried in his arms.
“Suren.” Zheyi called, rushing over beside him.
Suren lifted his head up the slightest. Embarrassed, he hid himself back in his arms again.
“Suren, what’s wrong?” Zheyi asked, squatting beside Suren and placing an arm around his shoulder to comfort him.
“You’re not supposed to see me like this.” Suren said, his voice right below a whisper.
Upon hearing this, Zheyi immediately pulled Suren closer to him. Not in a hug, but close enough so that Suren could lean his head on Zheyi’s shoulder.
“Can you… tell me what’s going on? I’ll listen, I promise.” Zheyi said, looking away from Suren knowing the older wanted some privacy.
“I haven’t even told Zihao.” Suren responded, half buried in gasps.
“It’s okay. Sometimes, it’s not so easy to talk to someone so close to you. I know how that feels,” Zheyi now looked down at Suren, his eyes comforting, “But, it’s not good to conceal your emotions entirely, either.”
Suren brought his hands up to his eyes, covering them. “...I know.”
“If you want, I can listen. Or, I can just sit here beside you. Nobody has to know about this.” Zheyi suggested.
Straightening himself up, Suren wiped his eyes.
One of the candles in the room went out. Now, it was only the singular candle in front of the two that lit up the entire room, casting a warm glow on their faces.
“You can’t tell Zihao about this,” Suren said, wiping his eyes and steadying his breath, “Or anyone, for a matter of fact.”
Zheyi nodded, the arm around Suren loosening. “I won’t.”
Suren took a long, deep breath. As if he was collecting his thoughts, he didn’t say anything for a while. Beside him, Zheyi waited patiently.
“I’m… so scared,” Suren started, “I’m so fucking scared, Zheyi.”
Zheyi nodded once more, letting the other finish what he was saying.
Suren avoiding eye contact. He was fidgeting with anything and everything around him, including Zheyi’s hands. “Zhou Anxin is dead. That… that could have been one of us.”
Zheyi stared at the ground, his mouth shut and his ears open.
“I can’t imagine losing Zihao. I made a promise to him, and I need to keep that promise,” Suren turned to face Zheyi, “Who’s going to fulfil that promise if one of us is not there?”
“Suren, don’t think so negatively. It won’t do you well. I know you’re scared. Which one of us isn’t scared?” Zheyi slowly turned his head to meet eyes with Suren, “The truth is, we’re all scared, Suren. But to live, we need to be positive, right?”
“I know we do,” Suren looked away, gripping his hair and sighing, “But…These thoughts won’t leave me alone. Zhou Anxin could have been Zihao. None of us are safe, not until we really are. That’s why I’m scared, so fucking scared, Zheyi.”
Zheyi raised his hand to pat Suren’s hair.
“Life without Zihao… I don’t even want to imagine it.”