Chapter Text
Fu doesn't have a great memory.
Yeah, it can be annoying when he forgets things—or worse, embarrassing—and okay, yeah, maaaybe it's been getting worse. Like forgetting important things such as names and dates, but he assumes it's better than remembering.
The little he does recall, broken up and foggy, reassures him of this. Staring down a hallway. Banging on a locked door. Shaking and hiccuping. Walking somewhere with bloody hands.
His reflection in a puddle, not recognizing the face looking back.
Though even when Fu doesn't remember, his body reminds him.
Periods lasting weeks of uncontrollable shaking. Smelling something at the market and vomiting up everything in his stomach. A tightness in his chest whenever he looks too long at himself.
So Fu is pretty confident that it's a fair trade-off. He'll take the gaps in time and the fog in his head as long as he doesn't have to know more.
So this is how he lives, content in his ignorance.
Fu is on a trial-basis at the Cleaners. According to Gris, since he isn't a cleaner yet, he doesn't have a specific team to work on. He'll be functioning akin to a supporter, going wherever he's needed. He feels intimidated by the instability, but Gris said it's only temporary and not to worry.
“You'll be on a team in no time,” Gris tells him. “It only took one mission for Rudo to be accepted.”
He tries to find this reassuring, but Fu is different. Yeah, Rudo's from the sphere, but any harm he could have been involved in was indirect. Fu directly went against the cleaners. He was ordered to, but he doesn’t know if the cleaners will make that distinction.
So Fu does odd jobs. Carrying boxes inside, helping clean the base, sometimes observing a fight if he's lucky. He feels more like a supporter—and he'd be fine with that, might even get ordered around more!—but he's not. He's not even anything. He's just there. In the general vicinity, but not involved.
The feeling it brings in him is familiar, old and worn. He doesn't recognize its origins, but he feels it all the same.
‘We're wasting our time.’
Hii tells him this one morning. He's getting dressed for a mission, though it's just his regular clothes since he doesn't have a uniform. Hii hasn't come up much lately, but Fu can feel him getting restless. The setting is bringing back old feelings, and it's starting to wear on him.
“It's, Gris said it's only.” Fu pauses dressing to fidget with his hood strings. “He said Rudo joined in a day.”
Fu can hear Hii scoff, even in his brain. ‘But you're different. There's no guarantee that they'll let on a worm, if not a chance at all.’
Curling in on himself, Fu silently agrees. Hii has always been right about these things. Who to trust, who not to, where to go and what to do. Hii is better than Fu, in all of these aspects. Of course Hii finds Fu pathetic, a parasite latched onto a host.
Knocking on the door jolts Fu out of his spiral. Tripping over his own feet, he rushes to open the door. Gris stands on the other side, hand still raised to knock.
“Hi! Uhm, what’s, what’s up?” Fu asks, shifting on his feet. He distantly feels Hii slinking back into his mind, not fully gone, but still retreating.
“Hi Fu. Just checking in, everyone’s just about ready to head out.” Gris says, bringing his hand back down. “Are you ready?”
“Y-yeah! Just, just one sec!” Fu turns around, running to grab his bag, before dashing back to Gris. “Ready!”
As they begin to walk down the hallway, Gris turns his head to Fu. “This should be a short mission. A town got hit with a pretty nasty storm, and they’re wanting help clearing it out. They haven’t seen any trash beasts, but they want the cleaners just in case.”
“So we’ll, um, just be clearing debris?” Fu asks. Gris nods, “If a few trash beasts do show up, they should be pretty small considering how new the trash is. We’ll have a giver with us to handle it, so just focus on cleaning.”
Fu nods. “S-Sounds good!”
Fu likes Gris. He's always inviting Fu to sit with him at lunch, or checking on him before missions. It stresses him out a little to have someone paying attention to him, but it's reassuring too.
Hii… doesn't like Gris, for all the same reasons. He retreats further in whenever he's around, but always lingers on the edges, watching. Fu can sometimes feel the ripples of Hii's feeling, but he doesn't have the slightest idea why Hii is so wary of Gris.
He often wishes he could retreat like Hii. He can lose time and fade out, but he can't sleep for days like Hii can. Eventually, Fu will be dragged back to the present, kicking and screaming be damned.
Before he realizes, they arrive at the destination. He's lost time again. No one seems to be paying attention to him though, so it's probably not an issue.
Fu gets to work, cleaning up trash and moving debris. Sometimes a small trash beast will pop up, but the giver sent with them clears it out easily.
They've finally gotten into a rhythm when suddenly there's a large rumbling from below the ground.
Fu's near the outskirts of the wreckage when it happens. He hears Gris's shout of alarm before he ever hears anything else, but instinct kicks in and he ducks.
Not even a second after, a large, serpentine trash beast bursts out of the ground, soaring above him before diving back under. Adrenaline kicks in, and he almost activates his vital instrument before remembering he hasn't been ordered to fight the trash beasts.
The earth shakes as it circles beneath, and cracks begin to form on the ground. Piles of debris they previously cleared fall over, sending up clouds of dust. Soon, the trash beast reemerges with a target, and dives towards the main giver.
Fu watches as the two go head-to-head. The supporters seem to be trying to regroup, as the chaos split people up. He shifts on his feet, eyeing both parties.
He's unsure what to do. Should he help with the trash beast? He was ordered not to, but is there an implied rule to help if things go off course? They weren't expecting such a size, so the rules have to have changed, right?
Fu doesn't want to be the one to make that decision, so he should go over to the supporters and ask Gris. But would he be getting in the way? He doesn't want to mess this up, he's already running on borrowed time.
His indecision once again becomes his downfall, and he doesn't notice the cracks beneath his feet slowly inching wider. Fu briefly hears a shout of his name before he's swallowed whole.
Drip drip drip
There's something… cold.
Lifting his hand, a small drop of water falls onto it.
What… happened? Where am I?
Slowly opening his eyes, Fu stares at a giant fissure in the ceiling. Distantly, he can hear voices yelling, but he can't make out the words. Then there's more cracking, and the hole closes again.
“What's… going on?” Fu anxiously pulls himself up, looking around him. It's dark, but the light from the hole briefly illuminated the room, so he has a vague idea what it looked like. A dried out sewer, tunnels all around him.
Panic sets in quick. There were different paths, all branching every which way, and he couldn't hear what they were telling him to do. Does he stay put? Does he keep moving? What if he does it wrong, and they let him go?
“Oh god…” Fu can't breathe. He has his mask on, but it doesn't feel like any of the air is actually getting to his lungs. Oh god, he's going to die here, Hii's going to be so mad at him. Hii’s going to… Hii?
Wait… Hii! Hii's still here!
“Hii? Hii!?” Fu gasps. His hands are pressing on his neck, trying to get air in, but he needs to get to Hii. “Hii!”
He feels something unfurl itself from the corners of his mind, a distant grumble. 'You really can't do anything…'
“Hii! Y-Y-” Gasp. “You have to help me! I-I can't-” Fu doubles over, his visions starting to spot. He can't do this, he can't, he…
“Pathetic.”
A small, dull pressure in his head blooms before fading, as he feels everything slowly begin to fog. A static fills his limbs, growing numb and thick.
'Hii…' Fu sighs, relieved. Fu isn't fully benched, but still, it's a relief to not be in charge. He watches as Hii stretches his limbs with a calm detachment.
“We can't get any orders if we're dead.” Hii mutters, looking around. “Oxygen is limited, idiot. Of course we can't just wait.”
Making his way to one of the tunnel entrances, Hii leans to peer inside. He's a lot better at seeing in the dark than Fu. “These don't just grow underground, people need to have a way in to build and repair them. So there's an exit.”
'Thank you…' Fu whispers. It's always harder to focus back here, everything drifting further away. He doesn't know how Hii does it.
Ignoring him, Hii starts down a tunnel. He walks faster than Fu, as he has no reservations about his presence or strength. There’s a confidence to him that Fu lacks. He's always telling Fu to stop scrunching himself down, he doesn’t want to deal with his back problems.
“It shouldn't be long, I'm not slow like your sorry ass.” Hii says, and Fu relaxes further in, fading away.
Fu remembers the first time he saw snow. Or at least, the first time he remembers.
It was back when he was with the raiders. They were scouting for some info in the North Ward. It was just him and Jabber at the time, as they often got sent together. Most people didn't like working with Jabber, but he and Fu got along.
And the few times Jabber saw Hii, Jabber was strangely tolerant. Though maybe he shouldn't be too surprised, Jabber's a pretty weird guy.
It was winter time, so they were expecting the weather. Still, nothing could have truly prepared Fu. Even though he knew it was toxic, he so desperately wanted to jump in it. Jabber didn't have the same reservations, and happily rolled around.
“Hey Fu!” Jabber had called, “C'mon, man! Try it!”
“B-but it's toxic! Won't we get sick?” He remembers shifting on his feet, looking around as if the snow would suddenly turn green and swallow him whole.
“Well yeah, duh.” Jabber sat back, propping his head up. “But who cares? Everything is deadly in some capacity. If we spend all our time trying to be safe, we’re never gonna get shit done.”
Jabber then slumped forward, leering at Fu. “Besides… The danger’s half the fun.”
Fu should've expected that. Turning back to the snow, he had stared into the white expanse with trepidation. He could have argued, maybe made a good point, but he doesn't think he would've wanted to.
Even though they got really sick afterwards, it was still worth it. He hadn't had that much fun in ages. Even Hii was satisfied.
He doesn't know how much time has passed, but when Fu resurfaces, they're still in the tunnels.
“Great, you're back.” Hii angrily hisses. “We're still in these fucking tunnels.”
Fu can distantly feel Hii's shivering. It must be cold? Strange… It's usually so hot down here. It only ever really gets this cold in a few scant places. How long has it been?
‘Hii, what do you think is causing the cold?’
“The cold?” Hii shivers, as if Fu has reminded him of it. “Doesn't make sense to me either, wouldn't underground be warmer? Insulation, and all that.”
'How long have we been walking?'
“Why should I know?” Hii hisses, reaching an intersection and turning down another route. “I’m not gonna bother keeping track of that, I'm trying to get us out!”
'Do you think they're looking for us? Gris and everyone?'
“Who cares? I doubt it!” Hii laughs, a bitter, stressed sound. It reminds Fu of alley dogs. “We don't need it anyway, I'm almost out. Just, just leave it. I need to focus.” Fu can feel the exhaustion radiating off of him, sinking into their bones. Really, how long has Hii been walking?
Fu is quiet for about a minute before he breaks.
'Hii w-' He starts.
“I DON'T KNOW!” Hii interrupts, throwing his hands up in the air.
“I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG IT'S BEEN! I DON'T KNOW WHY IT'S SO COLD! I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE'S LOOKING FOR US! THERE’S NO WAY TO TELL! ALL I KNOW IS, I’M SORE ALL OVER AND I JUST WANT SOME FOOD!”
'Hii-' Fu begins, but he's cut off by the floor shaking again. 'What's happening?!'
“Shit.” Hii stumbles and digs his fingers into the wall to catch himself. 'Is the floor gonna open again?!' Fu blurts. “DON'T SAY THAT, YOU'RE GONNA JINX IT!” Hii yells back.
As if to mock them, the floor remains intact. Instead, there's a large cracking noise from above them, followed by a loud bang.
“GAH!” Hii falls forwards, clutching his shoulder. Sharp, burning pain blooms up their arm.
‘Hii! What happened?! Are you ok?!’
“SHUT UP! I-I can’t THINK with all this noise!” Hii hisses. Fu tries to pull himself closer to the front to try to get a look at their arm. As Hii looks down, Fu gasps.
‘That’s… that’s bad.’
There was a large metal pipe going through their shoulder, poking out the other side. He doesn’t know if he should be relieved or worried it’s still inside. It looks rusted and old… It’s definitely going to get infected.
‘Do we keep it in or do we pull it out?’ Fu asked.
“Fuck. I don’t know? I mean, if we pull it out we’ll bleed out, but if we keep it in does it increase risk of infection?” Hii asked. He had stopped shaking, but it wasn’t really any warmer. Probably due to the adrenaline.
‘Oh god, we’re going to die down here!’ Fu whined. ‘We’re going to die, and it’s going to be so pathetic! No one is going to care, they’ll all just be disgusted!’
“No, No!” Hii growled. “I’m getting us out of this shithole, we’re going to go back to the cleaner base, and they’ll be so impressed by our loyalty that they’ll hire us on the spot!” He lurched forward, squeezing their arm
‘Hii…’ Fu worried. Hii ignored him, grabbing onto the wall and slowly inching himself forward. Fu couldn’t feel much, he was too far away, but he could tell Hii was in pain. Hii usually had a higher pain tolerance than him, but it was probably hitting harder from the mix of exhaustion and the cold.
“Just… go away. I got this.” Hii mumbled, too worn out to muster anything more. Fu shrunk back further into the mind, but didn’t fade completely. He didn’t want to leave Hii completely alone.
Fu doesn’t know exactly how much time goes by, Hii limping down the tunnels, he just knows it feels like forever. Hii has been out of breath for the past few laps, but he hasn’t stopped moving, just adjusted the pace.
Fu doesn't want to push, but he can tell Hii is flagging, hard. He needs a distraction, if he's not going to let Fu have a turn. Would this be a good time to ask?
'Hii?'
“Huh?” Hii mumbles. He's still shaking all over, tremors running up and down his legs, but the movement seems to be helping. When he pauses, it just ramps up.
'Why do you hate Gris?' Fu asks.
“What?” Hii stumbles, before righting himself. “I don't hate Gris!”
Fu just lets them sit in silence for a bit, before Hii caves. “Ok. But seriously, I don't hate Gris.”
'Then what is it?'
“I just,” Sigh, some fidgeting. “I don't trust him. He pays too much attention, he's always around… He's going to figure us out.” Hii's voice trembles a bit at the end. Whether it's the cold, exhaustion, or emotion, he doesn't know.
“I don't think he's bad, but I don't think he's safe.” Now that Hii's started, he can't seem to stop. “He might actually care, I don't know, but that doesn't mean shit. He can be the nicest person we've ever met, but he's normal. You know how that goes, we both know how that goes. Even with the nicest intentions, he'll end up hurting us. He just wouldn't get it.”
Fu thinks he understands why Hii is so apprehensive about Gris now.
Hii likes Gris. He admires him, and that's what's so scary. Hii doesn't get this hung up about people that don't matter. To him, there's nothing more dangerous than letting your guard down, and Hii is beginning to.
Fu doesn't know how to reply. How could he? There's nothing to argue. Hii isn't wrong, they both know what he means. And yet…
'Can we still be his friend?' Fu asks. 'We can pull away if he starts getting suspicious. But until then…could we?'
Fu doesn’t want to throw it all away just yet. It’s selfish, he knows, but he wants just a little longer. Maybe Gris will find out, and maybe he’ll end up hurting them, but it hasn’t happened yet. He just wants a little longer, wants to enjoy this companionship a little longer.
Hii's silent for a bit, but before he can reply, they hear shouting. They're both so caught off guard that Hii loses his grip on the wall and falls flat on his face. Pain shoots up their arm and head, and they can't help the groan that's pulled out of them.
The shouting stops, and suddenly loud hurried footsteps get closer and closer.
“FU!” Someone shouts, and then there's a large shadow looming over them. They slowly pull their head up, trying to figure out what's going on through the fog in their mind.
Gris stands above them, stressed but visibly relieved. He’s out of breath, how long have they been searching? To his left, kneeling down beside them, is Tomme pulling out a first aid kit. Behind them are the rest of the cleaners from earlier today, but they seem to be giving them some space.
“Gris…” They mumble, they can't tell where Fu stops and Hii begins, the fall whisking out whatever clarity they had left. But it doesn't seem to matter all that much, as the spots in their vision slowly consume more of their sight.
They hear the shouting start again, before everything falls away once more.
Fu comes-to inside the med-bay.
He's laying in a bed, and there's an IV going into his arm. This almost sends him into a panic until he remembers he's at the cleaners. A girl that looks about his age is fussing with an array of vials.
Looking up, she makes eye contact with Fu, then promptly startles so hard she almost drops the vials onto the ground. She seems to have decent enough reflexes to catch them, or this is something she's just used to happening.
“Y-you're awake! That's good! Gris was, uhm, really worried.” She fidgets with the vials, avoiding looking back at him. Do you, um, want me to, get him?”
Fu knows he should say no, say he's fine, and get up to go back to his room. Maybe wallow in guilt for being a burden again for a few hours, then give Hii a turn to go break some things.
But… He's so tired.
She seems to read his expression, nodding before rushing out of the room. He lays back to stare at the ceiling, his back complaining at the motion. He's probably got a few minutes before she finds Gris.
Fu searches around in his mind, but he can't feel Hii, not even a hint of him. He hopes he just exhausted himself from the sewers, and will be back soon… But still it frightens him whenever Hii's too far to reach.
Will it be a few days, or a few weeks? Fu's up the most—though it hasn't always been this way—but he still likes having Hii on the edges. His commentary, though bothersome at times, helps Fu get through the day.
He doesn't know how long he spends searching his mind, but soon there's a knocking on the door, and the girl walks in with Gris in tow.
“Fu.” Gris says, he looks relieved. Fu doesn't think he was hurt too bad on the mission, but maybe Gris felt responsible.
Fu looks away and down at his hands. He can't keep looking at Gris's expression, he feels too fragile. He hears Gris move to sit at the chair beside the bed.
He bites into his lip, trying to calm himself down. Why does he feel like crying? Gris hasn't even said anything, and he feels like he's been stripped down to his flesh.
“Hey,” Gris starts, leaning forward a bit. Fu glances away from his hands, briefly looking at Gris. He needs to get over himself, Gris is trying to get his attention.
Gris is looking at him, waiting for him to make eye contact. Once he does, Gris smiles and puts a hand on Fu's shoulder.
“I'm glad you're ok.”
hiccup
Fu curls into himself, as he begins to sob.
Who was he kidding? As if he stood a chance, care will never be something he's used to. He can distantly feel Gris rubbing his shoulder, offering some comfort as he shudders.
While he chokes on his own sobs, Fu wonders how Hii would feel were he here. Would this ease his concerns? Or just make him grow more uneasy? Regardless, Fu tries to absorb this moment while he can.
Eventually he catches his breath. Gris passing him a tissue, and he blows his nose, which makes an embarrassingly disgusting sound. Gris spares him the little dignity he has left and doesn't react.
“I-I'm sorry.” Fu mumbles.
Gris just shakes his head. It's nothing to apologize about. You've had a long day.”
He wipes at his eyes as he huffs out. “Still, I shouldn't be such a b-baby. I didn't even do anything, Hii was the one who got us out.”
“Fu, you're not a baby for crying, especially after the day you've had. You were down there all day.” Gris rubs between his eyes, exhausted.
“I'm sorry, none of this should have happened.” He continues, “We got the wrong intel, and it got you hurt.”
Fu shakes his head, the motion causing him to get dizzy. “It's fine! Accidents happen!”
“Still, I'm sorry.” Gris interjects. “We'll do better next time, you just rest for now.”
Standing up, he gives one last pat to Fu's shoulder. Fu's thankful he didn't hug him, or he would've started crying again.
“Tell Hii good job for taking care of you.” Gris says.
“It's no worries!” Fu smiles, happy for the compliment. He doesn't usually talk about Hii, but he's hardly thinking about that right now. “Hii want's to do good on the mission just as much as me.”
Gris looks a little confused, but he nods. “Well, that's good to hear?”
He turns to leave, giving Fu one last wave before shutting the door behind him. Fu lays there in the bed, exhausted to the bone but quietly happy. He can't wait to tell Hii everything.