Archive of Our Own

Like an afterthought, like he hadn't really fallen asleep to begin with, Komaeda realized that his eyes were open. In one second, he was laying down to sleep, then, the next, he was staring at the ceiling, his eyes wide open and sightless. His mouth opened and he sucked in a sudden breath, breaching the surface of awareness like he was rising up from a deep ocean. An unsettling feeling surrounded him as his eyes focused on the dark ceiling and he immediately began to struggle, fighting with the sheets as though he were still trying to outpace the waves that chased him from his dreams.

He groaned as his clumsy, aching limbs tripped over each other, eventually freeing himself from their constriction. Sitting up in bed, he held his left arm and pulled his knees toward his chest and held back the sounds at the back of his throat that wanted to vocalize the pain.

Hinata wasn't home yet, probably. If he were, Komaeda had a feeling. He just had a feeling he would've known that he was was hurting somehow in that way of his, and he would've already been right there at his side, asking him what was wrong, if he was alright, if there was anything he could do for him.

And Komaeda knew how he would act, too. Such kindness was still unfamiliar to him. Despite how much he adored his attention, he would've pretended that he was fine for Hinata's sake. Whether or not Hinata would believe him would've depended on whether he was able to control the words he used to convince him.

It was for the best that he wasn't there, Komaeda thought as he pulled himself out of bed and turned on the light beside him. It was for the best. But even if Hinata weren't there, for some reason, he still couldn't let himself let out any sound to voice the pain he was in. He was the only one there, and he could already hear his own voice in his head, so it was a little confusing, but it really made a lot of sense.

It was supposed to be over.

He stood, curled in on himself, holding his arm protectively. Finally, lifting his head up, he released a heavy breath and held out his arm. Past mistakes had been left in the past and he was finally severed from her in the process, yet it left behind a pain he couldn't escape from. As time drew on, his addled brain couldn't rightly tell if the hot pain that swirled from the center of his severed wrist was real or imagined.

Before he could think about it, he was grasping the bandaged limb in his right hand, gripping it, squeezing it tightly with his eyes shut, begging for the pain to swell and show him what was real. His eyelids fluttered, mouth opening to silence as it overwhelmed his senses, and then the only sound he heard was his one sharp inhale as he let go.

Heavily, he sunk back down to the bed and pressed his forehead into his palm.

“I'm not delusional,” he muttered to himself, staring at the floor between his knees. “It's really there. It hurts.”

It really hurt.

It hurt so much.

Why did it hurt?

Just looking at it made him feel nauseous for reasons beyond its grotesque appearance. There was something strange and inhuman about a person with a missing piece. He couldn't look at himself without thinking he was incomplete, but the real reason he felt so disgusted was because he'd felt that way from the very start, before he even cut a part of himself away. The past wasn't in the past if it wasn't forgotten; it couldn't be if he could still see something that was invisible.

He was already sick. He didn't need something that would physically remind him or anyone else of how bad off he was.

That pain was what guilt felt like.

He didn't cry out because he didn't have to. If he opened his mouth and let that pain speak for itself, he was sure that it would have come out sounding like nothing greater than a small and helpless sob. The fear of hearing it with his own ears was what kept his lips sealed. If he didn't admit its existence to himself, he thought, it might be easier to hide it from anyone else, like Hinata.

Jaw locked, he straightened himself and stood again, then followed the shadows on the bedroom floor toward the hall, tracing the wall with his hand until he found the bathroom. He flicked on the light, but hesitated to look up and meet his own eyes in the mirror. With his gaze lowered, he opened the cupboard above the sink and located his medication.

He popped open the three bottles and swallowed the tablets with some water he cupped in his palm. In a few more minutes, he knew he wouldn't feel the same way anymore, but that thought alone wasn't enough to calm the feverish trembling of his shoulders. If he woke up sooner and took it all on time, it wouldn't have been so bad, but acknowledging a minor regret like that wasn't going to help anything, either. The only thing he could do was wait.

Waiting was difficult. The ache was turning into an itch. Unable to look at his face, his eyes focused on his useless left arm, and as he continued to stare, the itching continued to grow. Feeling compelled, almost as if his body were being controlled by someone else, he lifted the corner of the bandage and pulled it free, slowly unraveling it. It was easy to pretend that everything was normal until he reached the very end when the bandage prematurely fell away and revealed his bare wrist that should've ended in a hand.

For a moment, he just felt nothing.

Then the medication began to misbehave in his stomach and he could suddenly taste it at the back of his throat. Desperate to keep it down, he drew another deep breath and looked away, but when he did so, his eyes caught his features in the mirror. The pale, pitiful sight of himself made him stumble back a step. His feet slid on the tiled floor and he kept stumbling backwards, refusing to fall, following the motion until his back was pressed up firmly against the wall behind him.

Laughing, unable to explain to himself why he was laughing, he slid down, watching himself in the mirror until he sunk to the floor and out of sight of the mirror above the sink.

After a few more moments passed, he realized why he laughed. The shock of his sick, ghastly appearance was enough to shake the thought right out of his head, but he remembered.

He remembered why he wasn't sad despite his pain.

Though he still shouldered guilt, he couldn't call himself worthless. Doing so would have been an insult to the person who found value in his life. Even if he couldn't stand himself, there was someone who loved him.

One day, even if it took him until his dying breath, Komaeda wanted to be able to love himself the way that Hinata loved him.

Hinata's kindness did things to him. It made him want to run away and hide, but he couldn't because the selfish part of him would never allow it. That other part of him that was in conflict with the rest made him want to snuggle close to his warmth for as long as he was allowed. If possible, that was how he wanted to die, even if that were also just a selfish wish. That had been his sole desire for as long as he was alive, and, even if it were presumptuous to think so, Komaeda suspected that it was a wish that resided in everyone; simply, to die in a way that justified living.

That thought wasn't very different from the macabre sort of thoughts he used to entertain, yet he didn't feel any sadness when it came to mind. His heart twisted and his eyes stung, but his old despair was behind him.

Idly counting the tiles on the floor, Komaeda put his thoughts together and came to the conclusion that there were some things that stayed behind him. Old mistakes, remembered, followed him in the present, but old emotions, even remembered, didn't feel the same.

Realizing that, it felt like a large weight was lifted off of him.

Emotions were abstract, nebulous things.

Despair was just a feeling.

Of course, to someone like him who could barely control the way his own mind worked, a thing like a 'feeling' was as powerful as any weapon, but it still failed to seize him. It certainly would have before, so it felt quite mysterious to him that he didn't feel himself succumbing to despair simply at the thought of it.

Instead, he found the image of Hinata's face floating up to his thoughts and his chest was filled with the pleasant feeling that had always been struggling to break free from beneath the despair that crushed his heart. That feeling, purer than he had envisioned in the past, was what hope felt like. He had no reason to believe otherwise.

Complete or incomplete... It might not've been right to call himself either of those things.

He lost a lot. He cut parts of himself away for the sake of living. But in the end, he also gained something he couldn't have obtained on his own. Surely, he would've felt better if he hadn't made many of the decisions he'd made. Being someone else would've been nice. But if that were the case, would he have met Hinata? Would an entirely different life have been worth never knowing him?

Because the answer was too far from him, he decided to stop thinking.

Breathing more calmly, Komaeda finally pushed himself up and stood, noticing that even the shaking in his shoulders had already subsided. It was still difficult to look at himself, but a comforting feeling of self-reassurance had made him able to look without flinching.

If he weren't back yet, Komaeda figured that Hinata would be arriving soon, and he didn't want him to see him looking so ragged. He seriously looked like he got run over by a truck or something. His hair was more wild than usual and there were deep circles under his eyes that made his already-pale face look even more pale. Though, without a doubt, the most conspicuous part of him was his left arm and the angry red swelling around the end.

After a week, he'd been hoping that it would have started to hurt less. At first, he thought it wouldn't bother him, but the pain haunted him in that awful way that disturbed memories that should have remained buried. A part of him was definitely glad that it was gone, but seeing it gone was almost as bad as if it were still there. That was something he hadn't anticipated. Every time he looked at it, it sent him into a spiral that he was sure he wouldn't be able to get himself unstuck from for some time. The best he could do was get himself comfortable.

At least there were some things he could control. He couldn't stop his arm from hurting, but he could stop the swelling.

He took a new roll of elastic bandages and wrapped it the way he'd been instructed, making it tighter than the last time. It hurt, but he knew that it hurt from the swelling. Any other kind of pain was just in his mind.

As he secured the end of it, he heard the sound of the door. Even though he knew it had to be Hinata, past experiences with his luck made him feel paranoid whenever he was alone. If it weren't Hinata... His eyes quickly glanced around the bathroom, but they didn't land on a single thing that could be used as a weapon. In his current condition, he didn't think he would be able to put up a struggle for long if he were attacked...

He heard the sound of footsteps.

The bathroom door was still open and he could see the shadow of someone in the hallway.

“Komaeda?”

Komaeda let out the breath he'd been holding. Hinata came around the corner and stood in the bathroom doorway, looking like he must have been feeling the same type of apprehension for some reason. “I didn't hear anything, so I thought you were still asleep, but then I saw the light on...” He stopped, staring at his face. “You look... Sweaty. Something up?”

“Not anymore,” Komaeda said, giving him a loose smile.

It wasn't a lie, and Hinata probably knew that it wasn't a lie, but he still came forward and stretched out his arm, placing his hand over his forehead. He hummed to himself uncertainly before withdrawing his hand, looking dissatisfied. “It's not a fever, but you do feel warm. Is your arm still hurting?”

That quickly, Hinata had been able to figure out what was wrong with him. There were still moments when Hinata could be kind of dense, but now there was that other part of him that was dangerously perceptive and intelligent. He was still Hinata, but he'd turned into an even better version of Hinata. No matter what he did, Komaeda couldn't hide anything from those eyes. Hinata was able to spot weakness from a thousand miles away.

Being the foolishly kindhearted person that he was, though, Hinata didn't accuse him of anything. With a light sigh, he took off his jacket, hung it over his arm, loosened his tie, then opened his arms and pulled Komaeda against him. Komaeda stood there stiffly, startled and sweaty. Really, he felt gross. It was amazing that Hinata wanted to be anywhere near him when he looked and felt so disgusting. Komaeda wanted to resist him, but he was already melting into his arms, resting his weight against him.

Hinata didn't ask him if he took his medication. He didn't ask him if he rebandaged his arm. After the first few times, he accepted that he could be trusted to take care of himself and stopped asking things like that. Hinata was there for everything else.

“You just woke up, huh?” he asked, laughing softly as he ran the tip of one finger under the waistband of Komaeda's boxers, commenting on his noticeable lack of clothes.

“It doesn't feel like I slept.” He remembered the way his eyes had opened to the ceiling an awful feeling that came over him when he realized that he was awake. The pain in his arm must have been what kept disturbing his sleep. It was easier to think about it rationally once he was awake and standing. “I want to lay back down, but I don't know if I would be able to sleep.”

“I'm pretty tired myself. ...What if I joined you?” Hinata asked. He stepped away, and Komaeda could see that he wasn't just saying that; it looked like work had worn him out. By far, Hinata was their most well-rounded and useful agent, but Komaeda thought those Future Foundation people were just taking advantage of him. Hinata wasn't the type who didn't know how to say 'no', but they were good at getting him to say 'yes'.

Komaeda didn't answer him. It wasn't like he didn't have an answer; he was just too captivated by the look Hinata was giving him. When he tried to look away, one of Hinata's hands was suddenly on the side of his face, keeping his face forward. That action must have surprised Hinata as well, as Komaeda felt his fingers twitch against his cheek with surprise. It was overwhelming to meet his eyes while Hinata was looking at him that way – like... like he was something really worth looking at.

It was unnerving, but at least Hinata was aware and still looked to be embarrassed of his own embarrassing feelings. Good to know they were on the same footing.

“So...” Breaking away, Komaeda took a step back to put distance between. “How was it, then? Being here by myself makes me feel like I'm some kind of housewife. Heaven knows that's not a role suitable for somebody like me. I don't even deserve to joke about it.”

“Huh? Why not?”

Komaeda stared at him, open-mouthed. “Are you for real?” But it was Hinata he was talking to, so of course he was serious. Komaeda had to adjust his expectations of Hinata if he ever hoped to correct Hinata's expectations of him. “Come on. You know what I'm going to say. It's boring, isn't it? You're really going to make me say it again?”

“Boring...” Hinata stroked his chin, acting like he'd never said that word in his life. “Maybe I expected you to say something else after all this time we've spent together, but today's not the day yet, huh? Hm. I don't know what else I have to do to convince you that you won't convince me. You aren't worthless or annoying or ugly or whatever else you wanna say. And if I thought you were boring... I don't know what to tell you. That unpredictable luck of yours that you hate so much makes you anything but 'boring'.”

“What if I wasn't lucky?”

Putting a hand on his waist, Hinata shook his head and gave a tired laugh. “Jeez. I'd like you anyway. Because I like you. Yeah, of course it's annoying to go around and around in these kinds of conversations with you, but I understand why it happens. When will you realize that there are things about you that I can see that you can't?”

“Such as?”

Hinata's eyes widened and his hair stood on end. His face instantly colored, flustered. “I should've known. You were just fishing for compliments, weren't you?”

It was alright if Hinata felt too embarrassed to tell him. Komaeda had the feeling that he wouldn't have believed him even if he listed every reason why he liked him out loud. Just seeing his face heat up like that was enough proof that his reasons were genuine. Besides, he wasn't feeling awake enough to keep arguing. His tired brain already stopped caring.

“Anyway.”

“A-anyway...”

Hinata was looking at him like he wanted to embrace him again. That was probably what that face meant. Unless the mood felt appropriate, Komaeda didn't think it was right to force his affection on Hinata, but when he saw him struggling like that, he figured that it was alright if he pretended to be the one who was taking mercy on him. Crossing the space of two steps, Komaeda came forward and lifted his hand. Put it back down. Considered stepping back again. Then finally settled on leaning himself against him again.

Before he could begin panicking, Hinata's arms were around him.

“Bed?” he asked, turning his cheek against Komaeda's.

Unable to resist, Komaeda nuzzled his cheek against Hinata's. “Yeah.”

They had to let go of each other if they were going to make it to the bedroom, but they just stood there, unable to separate. In his head, Komaeda wondered if he was the one who was being stubborn, but Hinata wasn't resisting it; he was holding him just as tightly. Though he didn't say as much, Komaeda had the feeling that Hinata was more tired than he said, in ways that he didn't mention. He wished there were something he could do to help him, to blow away that pervading exhaustion. At those kinds of moments, Komaeda felt truly useless, like the only thing he could do was stay still and do nothing to disturb the silence.

A sad thought invaded his mind – that Hinata would've been been better off with someone else.

But...

A hand was placed against his chest, and Hinata stepped back, moving away from his arms. As his hand lingered there on the center of his chest, Hinata glanced up at him, and, in that miniscule moment barely amounting to a second, Komaeda understood the ridiculousness of his thinking.

Because Hinata loved him. Not someone else.

“I... I love you.”

Predictably, Hinata's face turned red again. “Wh- ...D-don't just say things like that out of nowhere.”

“I love you,” Komaeda repeated, pleased with himself, feeling emboldened after having said it once.

Grumbling under his breath, Hinata slipped his hand away from Komaeda's chest and grabbed his hand with it. He gave it a light tug and began heading back into the hall with him in tow. “You're so... You're too much, you know that?” he grumbled hotly. When they stopped, Hinata dropped his jacket next to the bed and turned toward him, staring at him firmly. Then, reaching up, he grasped Komaeda's face between his hands and pulled him toward him, into a kiss.

Apparently, when it came to his feelings, he was better at showing than telling. That worked for someone like Komaeda who found it easier to accept the things he could see. Uncertainty made him worry, but there was nothing uncertain in the way that Hinata kissed him.

His kiss, innocent at first if not slightly insistent, soon became more aggressive. As one of Hinata's hands slid around to the back of his head, Komaeda cracked open an eye and caught him doing the same. His heart skipped when Hinata swiped his bottom lip with his tongue. Caught off guard, he opened his mouth and Hinata seized that opportunity to slip his tongue into his mouth, to deepen the kiss. As insistent as it was, there was still something gentle about the way he kissed, and Komaeda found himself gradually, willingly being lowered onto the bed.

The backs of Komaeda's knees hit the edge of the bed and he layed down with Hinata on top of him, their lips still attached. The fingers of Hinata's left hand threaded with the fingers of Komaeda's right, and he held onto them strongly, but he wasn't able to enjoy the warmth of his hand for long before he was interrupted by a surge of pain that coursed up through his left arm. He was keeping it out of the way, so there was no reason for it to hurt so suddenly; just a moment of bad luck coming to disturb his happiness.

“Hey.” Hinata backed up, sitting over his legs, and stared down at him with concern written on his features. “Sorry. I heard you gasp. You're still in pain, aren't you?”

He wanted to say that he wasn't. He didn't want his stupid body getting in the way of any of the precious moments he spent with Hinata, but there was little he could do about it when the pain was so intense that it made his face contort. He couldn't even pretend to smile through it.

Even so, he couldn't still the wild beating of his heart that wanted Hinata to come closer. Closing his eyes, squeezing them shut tightly, he wondered if it would become easier if they could kiss and hold onto each other and slowly sink into each other, sharing one body. Although he didn't want to burden Hinata with it, he wished that his pain could somehow be shared or divided.

Thinking about it... definitely made it worse.

With one deep breath, he was suddenly able to think more clearly. It was so simple, but it felt like he was released from it for a second. Of course, it was just a second, but that was an important discovery.

“Maybe we should call it a night,” Hinata proposed.

Komaeda knew that Hinata probably didn't mean to, but there was the sound of disappointment in his voice. Komaeda also didn't want them to stop there, so he grabbed Hinata's shoulder and made him look at him. Sucking in another breath, he settled himself so he could speak. “I'm fine!” Sure, of course he was. With the way he sounded, no one would have believed him. “I'll... be fine. I just need something to distract me.”

“To distract you...”

He nodded, hoping that Hinata didn't take offense to that in some way.

“Hm. Alright.” Hinata nodded, talking as if he were thinking out loud. “I've got an idea,” he said. Climbing off of him awkwardly, Hinata got off the bed and went to the drawer on the other side of the room. Komaeda waited, wondering what he was planning, watching curiously as Hinata rummaged around in the drawer, clearly looking for something – for what, he hadn't a clue. That particular drawer was mostly empty, but it was slowly accumulating an 'interesting' inventory. He was expecting Hinata to return with any number of things, but he didn't know how Hinata got inspired by what he said.

When he returned, he set the things he was carrying on the bed and rolled up his sleeves.

Komaeda sat up and went closer. “...Why's there only one?” he asked, referring to the one leather cuff Hinata brought back with him.

“Uh... Why do you think?” Hinata returned. He gestured with his stare at Komaeda's one hand. “We don't have anywhere to secure your feet yet, and I'm not going to do anything with your left arm.”

“You're going to tie me up?”

Hinata gave an exasperated sigh. “Just one hand.”

One hand was alright. Komaeda was already scooting himself back up toward the head of the bed, laying down with his right arm lifted and resting next to his head.

With the cuff in hand, Hinata sat down at his side, but, before he did anything, he placed a hand on Komaeda's stomach and pushed up his shirt. “Here. Let me take your shirt off first.” If he didn't, it was going to be impossible to get it off once his hand was secured to the headboard. Although he was perfectly capable of doing it himself, Komaeda didn't mind letting Hinata take it off for him, lifting his arms for him when he needed to pull it over his head. It was kind of thrilling that Hinata wanted to do it and didn't just tell him to handle it himself.

Sometimes, Komaeda had to remind himself that they were a real couple. That level of familiarity wasn't unusual between people who were in a relationship.

A real couple...

He suddenly received a flick to his forehead.

“You're drooling,” Hinata informed him.

Komaeda used his hand to rub his forehead before letting Hinata take his wrist. “Sorry, sorry. Just thinking about how nice it was of you to help me take my shirt off. We really are a couple, aren't we? Like, you're definitely my boyfriend, you know?”

Hinata continued to stare. “...What?”

Had he said something strange? Komaeda had to review his words, but he wasn't sure where he went wrong – if he said something wrong at all. Maybe people just didn't think about those sorts of things out loud and in such literal terms. Unfortunately, he felt his mind swirling, falling into a spiral of circular thoughts as he tried to figure out why Hinata wouldn't understand the way he reacted.

He even took his medication... A lot of good that had been.

His thoughts were silenced when his face was placed between Hinata's palms again. “Komaeda,” he said, looking down at him sternly, yet in a gentle way. “Stop.”

Komaeda nodded, his heart lodged in his throat. “'Kay.”

He was getting really good at that. Those eyes of his held some kind of unusual power in them, he was sure of it. With just one look from those eyes, his whole body would freeze, but he would feel no fear. From what he could remember, it was very similar to the way Hinata looked at him when they really met for the first time, back then. Of course, he had a different name then, and he looked different too, but those eyes held him with a feeling that hadn't bothered him. It had almost been like they had no feeling in them at all, then.

But, looking into Hinata's eyes now, there was no doubt how much emotion they held, and all of it was directed towards him. All of those emotions were there beneath the surface, but his gaze felt so focused and controlled... That was a feeling Komaeda didn't mind surrendering to.

“Your hands feel nice.”

“Uh. Th-thanks,” Hinata said, seeming then unsure of what to do with his hands. Slowly and awkwardly, he pulled them away. Shaking his head, he picked up the leather cuff and had Komaeda's right hand fixed to one of the rungs above his head. After asking him if it felt alright, he left momentarily to retrieve the other things he brought with him. He returned to his side, holding something black.

It didn't look like much more an a strip of black fabric- “Oh.” Well, that was obvious. “A blindfold? Neat. Are we going to do something kinky?” He was alright with that, but a bad thought caught him from behind. “H-hey, uh- I'm all for whatever you wanna do. Just... d-don't leave me alone, alright?”

“Huh?” Komaeda was going to lose track of how many times Hinata had reacted that way, like he'd said something strange. “Why would I leave? I wouldn't tie you up and abandon you-”

The way he suddenly paused, it seemed that Hinata had realized why he would be bothered by the thought of being left alone while restrained. Komaeda doubted that Hinata would be irresponsible or cruel enough to get up and leave while he was like that – he really trusted him, but... He had to say it. He couldn't stop himself from saying it. The thought was too distressing to remain in his head.

The last time he was restrained and confined by himself, the only thing he could do was lay on his side and think about the numerous misfortunes of his life.

He'd been doing a good job of evading those thoughts. He didn't want them to catch him.

Hinata stared down at the blindfold in his hands, then looked up at him. “If it makes you uncomfortable, I don't have to use it, but I thought it might help with what I want to do. I don't plan on doing anything that would hurt you. I'll be here the whole time. The blindfold isn't to keep you from knowing what I'm doing, so if you need something, you could tell me. I just thought that it would help you take your mind off your arm if I could make you focus on something else.”

That was a sound plan.

See, Komaeda told himself. Hinata knew what he was doing. He never had to worry about trusting him.

Smiling contentedly, already finding it a little easier to ignore the pain when he had Hinata to talk to, Komaeda settled into the sheets and rested his head comfortably against the pillow. “Alright, have at me, Hinata-kun. I'm counting on you!”

“Now you're super enthusiastic... I never know what to expect out of you.” Though, even saying that, he was wearing a big grin. Hinata gave him one more look before sliding the blindfold over his eyes, securing it at the back of his head. “What do you think?” he asked, his hands sliding away. “You can probably see through this one, can't you? I'm, uh... Yeah, I'm not that experienced with this kind of thing yet, so I may have gotten swayed by what I thought looked the 'sexiest'. D-don't laugh.”

How could he not?

Hinata continued. “There are more practical options if you want to be blindfolded, but they all looked like creepy bondage gear to me. I couldn't stand around for too long staring at what they had without feeling like I was being judged.”

“Wait,” Komaeda interrupted, holding up his left arm. “Are you telling me you went to an adult store without me?”

“D-don't call it that...!”

What else was he supposed to call it? That's what they were called. Maybe Hinata was just too embarrassed to admit that he had adult interests. He wasn't a kid anymore, though. He would have to admit that-

“Anyway,” Hinata said, pressing insistently for them to continue. “If you decide you like it, there are better options we could try out. And... if you're bummed out that I didn't take you with me, we can go again together sometime. Happy?”

“Very much, yes.” An adventure to an adult store with Hinata-kun... He could just imagine all of the wonderfully embarrassed faces he would make while they browsed together. He was getting excited already.

With that matter settled, it looked like all the pieces were finally in place. Komaeda settled in once more until he heard some faint rustling on the sheets. It didn't seem like Hinata had moved because he could still feel his weight on the bed next to him, but he might've been grabbing something else. He wasn't sure. Craning his neck (as if that would help), he tried to peek out from underneath the bottom of the blindfold. Like Hinata said, it wasn't the best; with his eyes open, he could still see a bit of light through the material and from beneath the gaps where it was pulled over the bridge of his nose, but it did a good job of hiding Hinata's actions. That wasn't supposed to be the point, but Komaeda couldn't help but feel curious about what he was doing.

A moment later, the weight at his side lifted as Hinata climbed over him to sit more comfortably on the other side of him where he had more room. Komaeda didn't need to wait too much longer to find out what he was going to do when he suddenly felt his warm fingertips on his skin; the fingers of one hand resting carefully over his stomach. He didn't even move his hand yet, but Komaeda flinched, feeling ticklish. Next to him, he heard Hinata let out a small, amused laugh.

“Nn... N-not where I'm ticklish,” Komaeda begged, turning his face away. “I mean- If that's what you're into, then I won't stop you, but... Tickling is weird, isn't it?” Before he could stop himself, he was unconsciously launching into a story about an old memory. “One time in grade school, when I was little, there was this one group of kids who thought it was funny to tickle each other. That's not weird, right? Kids do that. They found out I was really ticklish, so they did it to me. I was so thrilled. They included me! I felt like I was a part of their group. So they tickled me and they kept tickling me until I was laughing so hard that I could barely breathe. They didn't stop until I was choking and throwing up.” He laughed to himself. “Th-that's definitely weird, right? They didn't come anywhere near me after that. Wonder why.”

Hinata's hand vanished. Even if he couldn't see him, Komaeda imagined him staring at him. It was a good thing he couldn't see him. He had a feeling he just mentioned something heavy.

“Komaeda... Isn't that bullying? Didn't you tell anyone?”

“I was... I don't know. Ten?”

Maybe that was what it had been. He'd been too young to know, and then he forced himself to forget about it. He didn't tell anyone because he didn't want to think about it. It was unfortunate that he was remembering something like that when he was supposed to be thinking about Hinata.

Bad luck that he didn't even know was bad luck...

Hinata's hand returned, a little higher, placed over his ribs with his palm flat. “I was actually trying to avoid that, so if it bothers you, then don't worry about it. I'm ticklish, too. You better not use it against me either.”

Such consideration made Komaeda's heart flutter. “You're so nice, Hinata-kun.”

“I think I'm doing what any decent person should do. But if you're used to being treated that way by other people...”

Yeah. Then any kindness would look like great hospitality. Komaeda was aware. Sometimes he was aware. Though, being aware didn't make him feel any less grateful that there was a person who would treat him like a human being.

As Hinata's hand began to move across his skin, slowly, giving him time to adjust, a kiss was also placed on Komaeda's cheek. “By the way, I think I forgot to say this earlier,” he said, keeping his face close enough for Komaeda to feel his breath as he softly exhaled through his nose. “I love you, too.”

Hinata really was... too nice. They were supposed to be doing something kinky and there he was, getting all sappy on him. Despite himself, Komaeda was getting turned on by it, too. That was all it took – just a little bit of touching, feeling Hinata's breath on him, and hearing him say those words, and then he was melting. As his skin began to heat up, he didn't notice the ticklishness of his skin anymore and the touch of Hinata's hand across his abdomen started to feel really good. Any touch he gave him was good. Komaeda worried that he looked easy, but he was just desperate for any kind of physical contact. Even after all the time they spent together, growing closer together one touch at a time within the walls of the apartment they shared, Komaeda still treasured every little touch.

“How's the pain?” Hinata asked.

“Still there,” Komaeda replied bluntly. Would've been nice if he hadn't reminded him, but he didn't want to sound fussy.

“How about this?” Hinata's fingers crept up his stomach, making his muscles involuntarily twitch beneath them. They went higher, and he dragged the backs of his fingers against him, lightly grazing him with his nails. Komaeda was about to ask what he was talking about, but his tongue was tied by his curiosity. As they continued, he figured out where they were going and clenched his jaw, holding back a sound as Hinata rubbed two fingers over one of his nipples.

Hinata asked him what he thought of it again as he gently swirled around it, making it rise to a peak, but Komaeda couldn't bring himself to answer. He struggled to assemble the right words and simply settled for, “Good.”

“Thought so.” But then Hinata's hand disappeared again, leaving his skin tingling. Komaeda listened intently as he moved around again. When Hinata's hands returned, they were both placed at his hips, just letting him know where they were. Komaeda was still curious about what he was thinking, and he really wanted him to go back to touching his chest like that, but he couldn't complain when he felt Hinata's palm between his legs.

A breath slipped out from his parted lips as Hinata rubbed him through the fabric of his underwear. However, the pain in his arm was still there and seemed to be intensifying as his body temperature rose. Biting down on his lip, Komaeda tried to ignore it. Hinata's hand felt good, so he did everything he could to focus on just that one sensation.

He looked forward to feeling Hinata's hand against his bare skin, but there was something nice about being touched through his clothes. It was just that one, thin layer. With the blindfold over his eyes, he couldn't see himself, so he suddenly imagined what he must have looked like; knees pulled together anxiously, his face turned to the side, lower lip held between his teeth, breathing heavily as Hinata touched him in such an indirect way... If he could find the pathetic visual of himself attractive in his own mind, then there was no way Hinata wasn't getting turned on by it too.

The fabric was soft – they were actually his favorite pair – but it started to feel a little itchy the more Hinata rubbed it over him. It was hard to put his finger on what it was. It was a physical sensation, but it was also irritating a sense of urgency inside of him; a desire to be rid of the layer that separated them, yet also a strong need to feel more of it, to see how much longer he could withstand it.

Hinata's hand wrapped around him from the outside, grasping the shape of his cock through the material. With even strokes, he pulled the fabric down with his hand. As he got harder, Komaeda could feel the waistband mercilessly rubbing the tip. Before he knew it, there was nothing else he could focus on, absorbed in that sensation, just waiting until Hinata would free him from it.

Alternatively, he wouldn't have minded coming just like that. Washing the mess from his favorite pair of underwear would've been a chore, but it wouldn't have been the first time, and it totally would've been worth it.

Then, like before, Hinata's hand was gone.

“Nn- Hina- Wh... Why did you stop?” Komaeda asked, lifting his head, again, foolishly acting like that would help him see.

“Because I have no intention of stopping now,” he said, sliding Komaeda's boxers down to his thighs.

Komaeda didn't understand how that was supposed to answer his question until he felt... something. He tried seeing under the blindfold to no avail and strained against the restraint, but it was hopeless. As something was pulled over the head of his cock and rolled down the length, he struggled and jolted as it was tightened around the base.

An embarrassingly sweet-sounding noise escaped from him. He tried to cover it up, but he knew it was too late. “Wh-what is that?” he asked, feeling slightly nervous, rubbing his trapped thighs together. It was kind of obvious what it was. He was more surprised that Hinata had actually bought something like that by himself. And he wanted to hear him say it.

He heard Hinata huff. “It's... You know what it is, don't you?”

Komaeda hummed, pretending that he was still puzzled. “Hmmmm...”

Then he was rewarded with a deep sigh. “It's a cock ring. I suspect that you haven't tried it before based on your reaction.” He ran a finger along the underside of his cock, then wrapped his fingers around him and squeezed. “I'll kindly remind you that you shouldn't tease the one who has their hand on your dick. We could be here all night if you aren't careful.”

True to his word, Hinata wasn't going to do anything dangerous that could hurt him, but... The thought of receiving Hinata's revenge all night sounded too intimidating. “Do forgive me. I'd rather not invoke your wrath. Although... I am very curious to see what Hinata-kun's 'wrath' would be like.”

Knowing Hinata, he wouldn't have the heart to take things too far with someone as sickly and frail as him. Probably.

He felt Hinata leaning close to him again, felt his breath on his lips before they met. “I'll give you a taste of it, then,” he said. Backing away, he resumed what he was doing with his hand, sliding it up his cock. From somewhere nearby, Komaeda heard a sound like something being uncapped, the sound seeming unusually loud to his ears. The blindfold was already changing his perception. Shortly thereafter, he felt the cold sensation of lubricant being poured over the head of his cock, and the feeling surprised him into straining against his bonds again.

After Hinata said that he would give him a 'taste of his wrath', Komaeda thought that he was going to find himself in deep water, but Hinata was being surprisingly gentle with him. It felt really nice. Maybe Hinata really didn't know how to be rough. He wasn't sure if he should've felt disappointed about that, but it was hard to focus on any thought like that for too long before his mind was being whisked away again by the wonderful things Hinata was doing with his hand.

With each stroke, Hinata started at the head, bringing his closed fingers down around his cock, letting the head slide between his thumb and forefinger, then went all the way down, tightening his fingers up once more as he reached the base, and then the process would be repeated. It was a pleasing, if not somewhat predictable pace. As Komaeda relaxed into it, his body going limp, Hinata used his other hand to help him off with his boxers. Komaeda only need to bend his knees slightly and Hinata took them the rest of the way. With them out of the way, Hinata's unoccupied hand was placed on Komaeda's thigh. Occasionally, he felt his fingers tracing along one of the horizontal scars that wrapped across the front of both thighs. To him, they were just one more mark on his body, but Hinata seemed to like them.

As the pleasure began to build, Komaeda widened the space between his knees and anxiously dug his heels into the bed. It felt good, but it wasn't quite enough. Hinata's relentless pace was a little too relentless, a little too one-note. Seeking more on his own, he lifted his hips, meeting Hinata's hand as he brought it down, thrusting up into his closed fist, pushing his way through his fingers.

That – that felt right. That felt like what he was looking for.

But, before he could do it again, Hinata took the hand off his thigh and placed it on Komaeda's opposite hip, forcing them back down onto the bed to keep from doing it again.

“Hinata-kun, if you want to get me off, you're going to have to do a little more than that, you know... Come on.”

Was that... a snicker?

“Oh, I know,” Hinata replied.

Ah. So that was how it was going to be. That was what his 'wrath' was like. It was understated, but such a calm method of payback was just like Hinata.

Knowing that he wouldn't be allowed to move his hips, Komaeda tried to obediently keep them down on the bed, but they uncontrollably kept lifting on their own anyway, seeking more of the warm, slippery feeling of Hinata's palm. Very quickly, it became the only thing he could think about, and knowing that he wasn't allowed to have it the way he wanted it made him want it even more. Without release, the room felt warmer, his body suddenly felt like it was on fire. Thanks to the blindfold, he became more aware of his own body, of the feeling of Hinata's hands, and the messy, obscene noises that were being produced each time Hinata stroked him.

Soon, it didn't even matter if Hinata was only keeping the same normal pace. Komaeda's toes were curling, his breaths becoming shorter, and he felt embarrassingly hard. The cock ring was doubtlessly to thank for that.

“Hinata, I...”

He felt Hinata's mouth along his neck. “Are you going to come?” Hinata asked softly, heating up his sweaty skin.

“Y-yeah...”

“Alright.”

And Hinata let go of him.

At first, Komaeda didn't understand. He lifted his hips but was met by nothing but air. He wriggled against the sheets, seeking Hinata's hand – anything – but there was nothing to be found. “Hey, by any chance... Is this your 'wrath'?” he asked, sweating for an entirely new reason.

“Mmhmm.” Hinata leaned down again and gave him another kiss, that time on the mouth. “I told you to be careful, didn't I?”

Komaeda shivered. He really liked it when Hinata acted assertive. Sometimes he was so convincing.

Next, he expected him to return to doing what he'd been doing before, so he was surprised when both of Hinata's hands went back up to his chest. His cock reacted instantly, twitching in a humiliatingly eager way. As Hinata rolled his nipples between his fingers, Komaeda couldn't even control his body, arching his back, pressing his shoulders down into the sheets.

“That feels...!”

It was incredible. He didn't understand why it was so incredible. For some reason, it felt completely different from when Hinata touched his chest before. It felt like all of his nerves had been wired up to react to Hinata's touch, no matter where he touched him. When Hinata moved his focus from his cock, his body shifted gears accordingly. He couldn't remember ever finding his nipples that sensitive, so it was a surprise to say the least.

Each time Hinata rubbed them, scraping his nails over the peaks, a tingling warmth spread throughout Komaeda's chest and blossomed into an unexplainable feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was like... fireworks? Like someone had lit a match and tossed it into the center of him. From there, it got even more intense, spreading to his lower belly, making his cock swell to almost painful hardness. It made him wish that Hinata would touch him there too. He rubbed his thighs together, but nothing he could do on his own would grant him the kind of contact he was looking for.

As Hinata continued, rubbing his nipples between his fingers with the same relentlessness he used before, Komaeda quickly forgot about wanting him to touch his cock. He never thought he could feel so good just from having his nipples rubbed... It was kind of embarrassing.

Feeling another firework of pleasure bursting inside of him, he twisted, clenching his fist, straining harder against the cuff holding him to the headboard. His left arm was free, but it was effectively useless in his situation. Even if he tried to touch himself with it, he was sure that it would have just hurt.

Hurt?

It hurt before, didn't it?

Why didn't it... hurt anymore?

His thoughts swirled and mixed together, blurring until he could barely remember what he'd been thinking about. He heard his own breath again, loud in his ears. He hadn't heard Hinata speak for a while, but he didn't have to. Being connected to the feeling of Hinata's hands was all he needed. More – more of that was what he wanted.

A sound slipped out of him. It might've been a laugh at how ridiculously, unbelievably amazing it felt. The longer Hinata continued to rub his nipples without stopping, the stronger the pleasure became. But it was a strange kind of pleasure. It wasn't like anything else. It was kind of aggravating. Hinata kept giving him more and more, adding up the layers of pleasure endlessly for minutes that Komaeda couldn't count, but no amount of it seemed to feel satisfying.

Higher and higher... He didn't know where it was taking him. Was it endless? He didn't think that he could come that way, yet it continued. It just kept continuing.

And all of the things he felt when Hinata began also continued to add up, multiplying exponentially. It felt like he was bathing in lava. It felt like he couldn't catch his breath. He was sinking, but he couldn't tell him to stop. More and more, he wanted to see where that feeling was going to take him. There had to be an end eventually and he wanted to find out where it was.

But then Hinata's hands were gone again.

After another period of uncountable time, Komaeda opened his eyes wide behind the blindfold and realized that he'd been whimpering. His body was lax, but he was shaking all over.

“Are you alright?” Hinata asked, his hand resting on his thigh again.

“I...” Alright? “Why did you stop this time?”

Hinata's fingers twitched. “Why? I know you can't see yourself, but you realize how much you're shaking right now, don't you?” He smoothed his hand over his thigh and placed the other in the center of his chest. “You have to tell me if it starts to feel like too much for you to handle.”

That was the problem, though. “I don't know how much is too much. I wanted to find out.”

Hinata sighed loudly. “Don't you remember what you told me about what those kids did to you? It's the same thing. If I kept going, you might've gotten overwhelmed. I don't know what the worst could've been, but I know you could've passed out. That's not what I'm trying to do, so tell me, alright?” He paused. He must've realized who he was talking to. “Even if you don't tell me, I'll stop if it looks like it's too much.”

Komaeda turned his head against his shoulder and grumbled quietly. His body still felt sensitive. All of the accumulated pleasure was still waiting under the surface of his skin, simmering, waiting for Hinata to keep going.

Realizing that Hinata must've wanted him to respond, Komaeda nodded. “...'Kay.”

“It's odd for you to sound so short-spoken. I'm not punishing you.”

“Sorry, I just...” How else was he supposed to say it? “I really want you to touch me more. I feel so good right now... P-please?”

At that moment, he remembered what a vulnerable position he was in. He was dancing on the top of Hinata's palm, yet he had no fear of being crushed in his fist. As long as Hinata kept his hands around him protectively, the hot flames of desire he was sinking into wouldn't scorch him. His heart was pulsing with a feeling like fear, but he wasn't afraid at all. In the darkness behind the blindfold, he couldn't see anything, yet he felt everything and yet only the things Hinata wanted him to feel.

He couldn't explain that feeling, but he didn't want to. He had to force himself not to think about it so that its perfect illusion would remain unbroken.

Finally, he felt Hinata's fingers grace his hip. He touched him lightly before wrapping his hand around him. It was just a simple touch, but the return of contact made Komaeda react, lifting his hips to meet him. Unlike before, though, the sensation was even stronger, his nerves feeling alert. That hot feeling exploded inside of him and surged downward, making his cock jump against Hinata's palm in a way that made him feel far less than dignified, but he didn't care. He didn't have the mind to care.

When Hinata brought up his hand and pulled his palm over the head of his cock, Komaeda pressed his head back into the pillow, gritting his teeth. That spot felt more intense than before. It could've been the ring, or it could've been because of all of Hinata's teasing, or it was an explosive combination of the two. His breath got lodged in his throat when Hinata repeated the motion, dragging his palm slowly over the head before mercifully sliding his tightened fist down the length.

His hips wanted to keep moving, but the sensation had him confused. It felt good, but it was almost too much. That must have been what Hinata was trying to explain. He kept lifting his hips as if to receive more, but then they started twisting on their own. He still wanted to find out where that excruciatingly intense pleasure was going to take him, but it was like his body was betraying him, trying to get away.

Despite that, Hinata was still touching him, sliding his closed fingers down his cock, releasing him, repeating it all over again from the top, occasionally rubbing the center of his hand around the sensitive tip.

Would something bad happen if he kept chasing that feeling? His head felt dizzy. Without realizing, his breathing had become short and quick again. At the least, he was working himself into a frenzy, but even his lack of breath seemed to make the feeling stronger.

“Hina...ta...”

“Going to come?”

He wasn't sure... Maybe. Maybe he was. He felt something, but he couldn't answer.

Hinata let go of him, and Komaeda's hips sunk to the bed. After a moment passed and he finally caught his breath, he realized just how close he actually felt. Even without Hinata touching him, he felt like he could come at any second. Hinata placed his hand back down on his thigh and all of Komaeda's attention went straight to that spot. Every inch of his skin had been turned into an erogenous zone. Hinata could breathe on him and he would probably come.

Barely having had the chance to adjust, he felt Hinata's hands return to his chest. That was the contact he wanted, he was sure, but his body was trying to twist away again. He struggled with his right arm, tugging, pulling, but he couldn't get away and he wasn't sure if he even wanted to. After a delayed moment, he heard the sounds that were coming from his mouth; all of them sounding more like noises that would come from a wild animal. Whoever lived next door was going to think someone was being murdered, probably.

It was just his chest, so why...?

Oh well. It didn't matter.

He didn't beg. He didn't even have to. Hinata kept giving him what he wanted and the only thing Komaeda had to fear was that he might let go of him again. Though, instead of coming to a crashing halt, each time Hinata released him, he would simply float back down gently, readjusting to the world around him that was slightly more pink, buzzing with heat and energy.

At the back of his mind, Komaeda realized how strange it was that he was identifying the unseen space around him as a color. If he couldn't see it, there wasn't any other way to describe it, though. Their room ceased to look the same while he was in his own head. It was a different place. Despite the flaming sensations heating up his nerves, it was... Pink. Pleasant. Placid and peaceful despite the persistent provocation.

He felt like he could stay that way for a long, long time, until he either passed our or Hinata decided it was too much.

But he promised, though, didn't he?

He couldn't go against Hinata's request. If he did, he might never show him his wrath again.

So he tested his voice. It proved difficult to get a coherent sound out around all of his moaning, but he kept trying until he was finally able to utter a single 'stop'. As soon as it left his lips, Hinata stopped and Komaeda's pink world settled back down around him with fuzzy hues that shifted behind his eyelids.

It was so odd. His heart was hammering and he was gasping, but he felt so nice.

Was that what it felt like to be manipulated? Becoming the way someone else wanted him to be with a little bit of physical suggestion...

That word sounded too sinister for what he was experiencing, though. 'Manipulated'... That would've implied that he wasn't in that position by his own free will. Although... It was hard to tell. At some point, a part of his mind had certainly flown away and was no longer anywhere to be seen. From the start, too, he couldn't trust himself to know when enough was enough.

So...

Ah, he just didn't know. It was no use. His thoughts were still scattered, but he had the distinct feeling that it was fine. Hinata was touching him again, the familiar feeling of one hand held on his thigh in a commanding manner, the other stroking his stomach, gradually pulling him back down before the rest of him could float away.

“Thank you.” Was that the right thing to say? That was how it felt.

Komaeda heard Hinata release an amused-sounding breath before he felt his lips pressing against his. “I could get used to you like this. You must be enjoying it too if you'd thank me out of nowhere like that,” Hinata said, his lips brushing Komaeda's as he spoke.

“I want to come, but... Ngh. I really want to, but...”

“Maybe a little more,” he said, taking the hand he had on Komaeda's stomach lower. Hinata's palm slid through the sweat on his stomach, swirled over the hip closest to him, then went toward his lower belly. Komaeda's muscles jumped and his cock twitched, expecting to feel his hand around him, but it stayed away, teasing the area just shy of his cock. It slipped between his legs, down the inside of his thigh, and when Komaeda tried to chase after it by tilting his hips, it disappeared again.

At last, his other hand grasped the base of his cock. Komaeda tried to move, but Hinata's other hand pinned him back down to the bed. “Not yet,” Hinata said. Lifting the hand he had him pinned with, he moved back up to his chest.

Komaeda wanted to stay still like Hinata instructed, but he couldn't stop himself from squirming as two of Hinata's fingers closed around his left nipple and pinched it. His nipples had already become painfully sensitive, but as Hinata rubbed and rolled it between his fingers, a sweet, tingling sensation formed around the spot, sending waves down his body in all directions, being carried all over by the throbbing of his pulse. It went from his chest to his toes, then back up, coursing down his arms to his fingertips.

...His fingertips?

Komaeda laughed to himself.

It didn't hurt anymore. Not at all. He felt conscious of every nerve and every vein in his entire body, and nothing felt out of place. A stupendous euphoria had wrapped around his five senses and connected them together, giving him the sense that he was observing his own body from the outside.

There was him. And there were Hinata's hands. That image looked and felt complete.

He felt like he could cry.

Maybe he kind of was already. When Komaeda took another gasping breath, he tasted something salty on the corner of his mouth. Those tears came from being overwhelmed. He was getting closer, he thought, but that was what he'd been thinking for the last who-knows-how-long. Just when he would feel like he might come, the movement and pace of Hinata's hands had a way of pushing him even farther, right past the edge, into some unknown territory.

“I want to...” He turned to the side, his body acting despite what he wanted. The pleasure was encroaching on pain, but it wasn't the kind of pain that hurt. His rough breathing was making him feel spacey, but he tried to speak again. “Please, Hinata-kun. Let me... Hinata-kun, please...!”

What was he saying? He didn't want him to stop, yet those were the words that left his mouth.

“Are you sure?” Hinata asked. He must've been thinking the same thing. His strokes grew more concentrated, tightening his fingers below the head where he usually liked it. “Like this?”

When his thumb grazed the head, Komaeda cried out, body arching, but he didn't come. Not yet. He didn't really want to come yet. He tightened the muscles in his stomach and clutched the post his hand was secured to, refusing to be pushed over.

Hinata's hand had stopped for a second, but he picked up his pace once Komaeda settled back down. “What about now?” he asked.

Almost instantly, Komaeda felt like he was going to come. “N-no, stop...!” Finally, he was saying what he meant.

At his request, Hinata let go. It was that easy.

It hurt. It was too much. But he wanted it. He didn't know if he would be able to say no again.

Hinata placed his other hand over Komaeda's stomach and started stroking him again with the clear intention of making him come. It wasn't the same teasing, relentlessly ordinary pace he had before. With his body feeling conflicted about whether to meet his touch or turn away, stuck in some kind of limbo between the two, all Komaeda could do was remain frozen. And yet he was still shaking. His thighs were quivering with restraint and from a frightening feeling of uncertainty.

When he finally came, Hinata held him down, but only to keep from from launching himself off the bed. At once, the feeling was both what Komaeda expected and completely different. It tore through him in a way that made his head fill up with hot, white static, but it was also incredibly satisfying. It might have been painful, but it was also amazing. At the peak of ecstasy, the only thing he worried was that he would be disappointed when he came back down.

Hinata didn't let him drop. He continued to gently stroke his hand along the length of his cock, rubbing his thumb around the base with the ring to coax the last of it from him. A few more smaller waves shook him on his way down; by far, the most pleasant part.

Then, when it was through, he laid there breathing, just trying to catch all the breath he'd missed. Hinata's hand slowly left him and considerately didn't return to any of the places that were left feeling too sensitive. Komaeda heard him moving around, but his mind was still somewhere else, so it didn't bother following him. It didn't bother doing anything.

It was just him and that peaceful, pink atmosphere behind his eyelids.

Although... Gradually, that atmosphere was being invaded by the darkness of the blindfold, and his ears slowly tuned in to the quiet and sporadic mundane sounds of the apartment. He thought he heard Hinata, but he didn't feel him next to him...

“Komaeda? You're conscious, right?”

Oh, there he was. “Yep. I can hear you.”

“I'm going to take the blindfold off now, alright?”

“Okay.”

His body felt numb, but not in a bad way. After the blindfold was removed, he opened his eyes. The room was only lit with the light of the lamp at the side of the bed, but even that much light was enough to send a twinge of pain through his head. It was quickly chased away by the warmth of Hinata's hand as he brushed his fingers through his hair.

“You look like a mess,” Hinata said.

Komaeda figured he would. “I should shower.” He tried to move, forgetting that he was tied to the bed, and accidentally pulled himself back down. For some reason, that one moment of movement made his head spin.

“Not yet. I think you still need a minute.”

Leaning over him, Hinata uncuffed him. Taking his right hand between his own, he brought Komaeda's arm down to rest at his side like his left arm. Komaeda watched what he was doing with fascination, feeling strangely like he was watching something that he wasn't personally experiencing. Hinata might've been right when he said he needed time. It was like he was under the effects of some kind of drug.

Well, none of the ones he'd taken would've had an effect like that, at least. Whatever he was experiencing was all because of Hinata.

“Hey, Hinata-kun.” He turned his head toward Hinata and let his eyes focus on his face. “I think I said it before, but... Thank you. I feel totally different now.”

Hinata's brows came together with a look that might've been concern. “What kind of 'different'?”

“Good different. Like I just got hypnotized.”

“Oh.” Hinata squinted. “That comparison's not that odd, I guess. That was the kind of effect I was hoping it would have, so if that's how you feel, then mission accomplished. How about everything else? Did you mind being tied up? What about the blindfold?”

Komaeda closed his eyes and thought. It was just for a second, but he felt himself slipping away again, so he forced himself to open his eyes. “Fine, I think. I don't remember it bothering me at all. You were always right here like you said you'd be, so it was like it was all for my benefit. The blindfold did such a good job, I feel like I don't even want to open my eyes now.”

Hands on his knees, Hinata looked down at him and gave him a smile. “You can close them if you want. I'll still be here.”

Komaeda watched for long enough to see Hinata pull some tissues from the box nearby, then let his eyes slip closed, sighing as Hinata cleaned him up. “Hinata-kun...” he said. The thought on his mind was... Maybe it wasn't worth saying. They had been together for a while, so the question lingering in his head shouldn't have been a question at all, but... Komaeda remembered what it used to be like every time he tried to get closer to someone. Despite the wonderfully euphoric feeling he was still experiencing, there was an uneasiness clouding the space around his heart. “Are you really okay with all of this? Someone like me... Aren't you tired of me yet?”

That time, he could feel the tears as they gathered at the corners of his eyes, but he refused to open them and let them fall.

Before they began, Hinata had assured him of his feelings, so that should have been enough. Komaeda believed him. He knew he wasn't lying. He knew that everything Hinata told him was true and he knew that he could trust him, but if his luck finally decided to laugh at his happiness, he was afraid of what might happen to Hinata's love.

Without Hinata, he would just be broken again.

If his luck didn't ruin it first, sadly, Komaeda knew that his need for constant reassurance would instead.

“Komaeda.” Looking at him with an intense expression, Hinata put a hand on Komaeda's shoulder and leaned over him, pressing their lips together. When he released his lips and opened his eyes, Komaeda was looking into the eyes of the one they called Ultimate Hope. “I'll say it as many times as it takes. I know that might be forever, so then I'll say it forever.” His lower lip quivered, and a feeling entered his eyes that was unmistakably Hinata. “I love being needed by you. So as long as you need me, I'll be with you. E-even if you didn't, I'd be here, too. Idiot... That's what 'I love you' means. It means 'no matter what'.”

When Komaeda blinked, the tears waiting on his eyelashes disappeared. “That's pretty cheesy, don't you think?” he asked, nearly nose to nose with Hinata.

“It's a small sacrifice.” Squeezing his shoulder, Hinata kissed him again, then let go and settled in beside him.

As if attracted to his warmth, Komaeda was drawn nearer. With one more glance into Hinata's gentle eyes, he tucked his head underneath his chin and closed his eyes. As soon as his eyes were closed, he felt himself sinking back into that comfortable pink mist inside his mind, as if he'd never left. Hinata's touch had made him rise higher and higher, to a height outside of his view. As he floated in that invisible space, slowly sinking, he looked downward and realized that there was an equally long way for him to fall.

Laying in Hinata's arms, he was drawn ever farther toward the bottom by the beckoning sound of Hinata's heartbeat.

Past mistakes? Regret? Pain?

When he was too afraid to face himself, he had the one who would hold him in his hands.

“I'm going to fall asleep just like this, 'kay?”

There was nothing Hinata could do about it one way or the other.

He'd be happy even if his feet never touched the ground again.