Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

As far as classmates went, Collis didn't think much of any of his.

They minded their business and he minded his, looking no one in the eye and moving through the hallways like he didn't want to exist.

It was… Simpler.

Easier.

The less humans that knew him, the better.

He was already pushing it by having Sarah.

By letting her in, by letting her see there was anything to him. Let alone everything else; let alone a tragic, miserable, cosmic existence to boot and unearlthly (HA) trauma no human could live with, let alone that he could even begin to process. (WASN'T THAT SUCH A FUNNY PUN ISN'T HE HILARIOUS.)

…Stars.

No wonder no one other than Sarah wanted to be his friend.

And she was weird. Like, really weird.

So she didn't even count.

She had a knack for befriending any poor soul she could get her hands on and, unfortunately, one of those poor souls had happened to be him back in high school. And he was younger and somehow dumber—if you can believe it—and… A secret third thing that he didn't want to name.

…

Lonely.

If you really must know.

So, being the genius that he was (and still isn't), he let her talk to him and then talk to him some more and then he was talking to her and. That was that.

Most of her friends, he only knew through her; and that included Emerson. Who was… Almost his friend. Maybe. Sort of? But not really because Kayden (her boyfriend) looked ready to bite his head off everytime he got anywhere close to her.

He'd been surprised to learn a Katsija could be a boyfriend, but hey, you learn something new everyday, huh?

He did make sure to tell Sarah to keep an eye on him. Just in case.

(Friends or not, Emerson seemed too nice a human to be manipulated like that.)

Wait what was he talking about again?

Oh, right. Classmates. Sarah.

Yeah, Sarah knew pretty much all of them. Or at least ninety-nine percent. There was, like. One guy. Michael? Whatever. If she wasn't interested in talking to him, Collis wasn't interested. That's just… Kinda how it was. If Sarah didn't bother with you you know you fucked up somehow.

Now, Collis wasn't sure what this guy had done, but apparently it had everything to do with yet another classmate of theirs. Whom she did talk to on occassion, but they weren't really friends—instead she heard it from Kayden who heard it from Emerson who heard it from Jake who heard it from the source. But then apparently this had driven a wedge between Sarah and Jake's friendship, 'cause he'd been pissed off after hearing it had gone around the small friend group (if you could call it that) and completely shut off any form of communication with people he knew would run with the info now. Which was just lame, to be honest. And also weird because it was really Kayden's fault anyway, Collis decided.

"Never ever make friends," had been Sarah's oh-so-wise (anti-)friendship lesson of the day the day Jake had chewed her out.

Collis took her word for it. Warily.

(Not that he was planning to talk to any of these people to begin with.)

(…He did like hearing about it though. Just. Out of curiosity.)

(Not because of anything or… Anything.)

Okay.

All of this to say.

Classmates. Yeah. Collis didn't know them.

"Uh… Hey," a voice said behind him, hesitant.

Except for the one.

He turned. "Yeah?"

"Where's—" they began. "I mean…"

Collis blinked slowly.

They blinked back.

"Ya'know Sarah. Right?"

Oh stars what was this going to be about now. "That… Depends," Collis ventured, cautious. "What'd she do?"

"O-oh, uh, n— Nothin'," they hurriedly assured, "I was gonna ask if she wanted to proofread somethin' for me."

"Oh so you are friends now." The words slipped out of Collis without a second thought, and they started at him.

"I— Huh?"

"You're Summer, right?"

"…Yeeeeeah?"

"Cool, cool. I'll tell her you said hi. Or… Whatever it is that you said."

He didn't wait for a response, turning back around in his seat like nothing had happened. Which worked for everyone involved because it spared the person talking to him embarrassment of having talked to him, and spared him the sight of any annoyance that showed on their face thereafter.

So. That was that.

Interaction? Over.

Sarah? Absent.

Proofreading? Sarah.

Hotel?

.

.

.

Tr

Tri

Trivag

Collis slammed his head into one of his books and prayed no one saw it.

*

The next day, Sarah continued to be absent. She'd gone on vacation with her family in the middle of the week. It only made sense if you were her.

The next day, Collis felt a tap on his shoulder again.

By process of elimination…

Or. Well. The fact that Collis knew who he sat in front of every lecture in this course.

He turned again to face them, stone-faced. "Yeah?"

"Is your brain okay?"

…

Uh

"Assuming I have one, I guess so?"

The look on their face was hard to read. Almost flat like his, but not quite. "I was just wonderin'. 'Cause I saw ya fuckin' ram it into your book yesterday."

"It was a paperback," Collis said, leaning his arm against the back of his chair.

"…No it very fucking clearly wasn't—"

"I have a thick skull, don't worry about it."

They just looked at him again.

He grinned back.

"I—…" They drew in a breath. "Yeah, okay."

Yep. And just like that they were tired of him.

He removed his arm from the chair, turning back around.

"When's Sarah gettin' back?"

Colls shrugged, paying more attention to the pencil he was rolling around than the professor at the desk. "Probably next week."

"Damn," he heard them mutter.

Huh.

Maybe they were more tired of him than they thought.

*

The third day.

"The Hell's your name anyway?" they inquired

Collis's shoulders stiffened.

He forced himself to relax, facing them with a questioning grin.

"…Uh. Collis? Why?" he asked. Were they going to, like. Tell the whole campus he doesn't have a brain? Or??

"Just wonderin'," they shrugged. "'ve seen ya 'round Sarah a lot."

Collis snorted, "What, you think she's my girlfriend or something?"

"No?" they scoffed. "Said, just wonderin'. "

"If she's my girlfriend."

"Wh—" they spluttered. "No, who the fuck you were."

"…So you can make her your girlfriend."

"The fuck?" They looked at him like he'd just slapped them across the face. All annoyance and bewilderment and almost disgust, even.

Okay, so if they hadn't hated him before, he was sure they did now.

Task failed successfully!

"The fuck's your problem?"

Collis just grinned.

*

Summer stopped tapping him on the shoulder after that.

They moved to a different seat.

Somewhere.

Collis didn't memorize where.

Why should he?

Sarah came back, and when she noticed their movement from middle row of chairs on the right to the back row of chairs on the left, she glared him down with the type of fury that could insta-kill whales or something.

"The fuck did you do."

Collis shrugged.

That made her glare deepen. Somehow.

"Tell me you did not scare them off, you better fucking tell me right now Collis—"

"Go sit with them then," he interrupted.

Sarah's mouth came agape. "I— What?"

"Just go sit with them?"

"Wh— Oh my gods, I can't fucking believe you right now, why are you—"

"I don't get what you're pissed at me for," he lamented, "I'm offering a solution to your problem."

This time, it looked like she was imagining ripping his head off with her own fingers. They even twitched at her sides.

"What did you say to them." It wasn't a question.

"Nothing? I just teased them about you being their girlfriend, that's all."

"I'm— What?!" she exploded.

The whole class's attention shifted.

"I'm not their girlfriend!"

"Yeah, I was teasing them about them wanting you to be their girlfriend."

She looked absolutely gobsmacked.

Collis was…

Starting to think maybe he fucked up.

"You— Why?!"

"'Cause it was funny?" he lied.

"No wonder— No fucking wonder they moved."

"Why?"

"Oh, here, let me count," she drawled, holding up one hand, counting her fingers off. "Well, one, it was none of your fucking business to ask about that to begin with; two, they just got out of a relationship…"

Oh.

"Three, I'm guessing you didn't apologize." She continued when he said nothing. "And four, I'm guessing you did that intentionally to make them go away and stop talking to you, and they probably picked up on that, because it's crystal-clear when you're trying to be an asshole just for the Hell of it."

…

…

"Wow."

"Wow what," she said flatly.

"You have me pegged."

Sarah narrowed her eyes, then took off her glasses.

He was almost shocked when she just took out a rag to clean them and didn't hit him over the head with them.

"If you don't apologize to Summer by the end of today," she went on, "I'm never talking to you again."

"Harsh," he muttered.

She gave him a pointed look that blared, Take a look in the mirror, dumbass.

"Fine, fine," he sighed, "I'll do it right now."

She raised a brow. "You don't have to."

Collis shrugged.

He stood to his feet, feeling Sarah's eyes in the back of his head as he shuffled to the back of the room to where they were sitting. They looked up as he approached, and visibly froze at the sight of him.

…Well, that.

…

Wasn't that what he'd been wanting?

"Hey," Collis managed. It came out wrong and he coughed. "I'm— I'm sorry. About— I shouldn't've… I'm sorry. For, uh… Pressuring you? Uh. About the nonexistent girlfriend thing. I was. Trying to purposefully be a dick and. That was really stupid and really awful of me. And just. I'm sorry."

Summer blinked. "Uh."

For the longest time, it was just that.

Then they added an even more unsure, "Thanks…?"

"Yep okay bye have a nice day,"

Collis turned on his heels and fled the scene.

Sarah was at his ear almost instantly. "That—"

"Don't."

Chapter Text

Summer moved back to sitting behind Collis, and things went back to… Something.

He'd only ever been seem them interact with each other recently, so it wasn't exactly "normal." Just… New.

…Well, duh.

He did find out that Sarah had felt awful about hearing about Summer's breakup based solely on gossip and wanted to start a proper friendship with them, after only ever talking to them on and off. Summer had wanted to be friends with her too. They seemed nice enough, so Collis didn't really care either way.

He never did.

She had her friends, he had… Her.

…

Okay that sounded sad, in retrospect, but it wasn't!

He had a good amount of people he could talk to. Including both his family and Sarah, that was like. Four whole ass people.

And that was good enough for him!

. . .

I mean, he wasn't even capable of anything else.

He was barely capable of love on its own. It was there, sure, yeah but… It wasn't meant to be there. It was a defect in his programming. A typo in his code.

How was he supposed to wield it like he knew how to when he didn't even know how to exist with it?

Even if he thought he cared—knew he'd rather die than see one moment of suffering for his family or Sarah, it…

It didn't stop it from being something not for him.

A glitch was still a glitch.

A mistake was still an Ereldeja.

So.

…

Yeah.

. . .

Anyway,

Summer wasn't talking to him anymore, even after moving back. So that was good. They glanced at him from time to time, and seemed to… Observe his responses and how he acted. Which. He wasn't quite sure that felt like a thing he wanted someone to do to him, but he didn't call them out for it.

When he asked Sarah about it, her expression had morphed very quickly, too quickly, from one emotion to the next.

The second emotion—a sort of soft indifference that felt forced—was in her eyes as she told him, "You can ask them about it, if you want. Can't guarantee they'll answer, but, yeah. They don't mean to creep you out or anything."

She talked about it like she knew why they did it, but she never fully explained.

Collis decided to ignore it.

For now.

*

Summer was late to class.

Collis didn't think much of it. He was worried for Sarah's sake, because she was worried about them, but nothing more than that.

During his free period, where he did nothing but snack in a cheap chair on the ground floor, he did catch a glimpse of them.

They were in the hallway nearby, talking to… Mick? Milo? Whoever. Their ex-boyfriend.

He watched the exchange for a bit, just out of curiosity. It seemed amicable enough.

Until it didn't, and Summer had a look on their face.

Michelin had walked off shortly after.

But Summer still looked angry.

Collis gnawed on a potato chip, trying not to look at them directly (and be obvious that he had listened in. Or was there at all)—but also trying not to look away in case he missed it if they left.

Because he knew.

He just knew Sarah was going to look at him that way again.

She was going to want to rip his head off, again.

…

He sighed, making the chip and its bag vanish as he stood to his feet.

It was really just so he didn't die or anything.

So no one found his dead body in Sarah's dorm.

(Nevermind the fact no human was strong enough to touch him if he didn't want them to. We're going to ignore that.)

Thankfully, Summer was still standing where they'd been left.

He slipped behind them like a shadow, announcing his prescence with a, "Hey."

They whirled around, looking ready to kick a guy in the shins.

"Wh— Hey, relax!" he quickly took several steps back because if they did kick him it'd do a lot of damage. They were, like, twice his height and body mass. (An exaggeration but still.) "I'm just checking on you!"

True to his word, he gave them a quick glance over. Didn't look like Michelle had touched them at all, so there was that.

Even after his reassurance, Summer did not relax.

"What do ya want?" they muttered. Once they'd glared at him long enough, they turned their burning gaze to somewhere on the floor under Collis's shoes.

"Like I said. Wanted to make sure you're okay."

They only scowled.

"Why?"

"Because of Michighan."

"…"

Get it. 'Cause. 'Cause they were in Ohio. And. And Michighan was a rival state. And both Michael and Michighan started with…

…Yeah, okay, he deserved the WHAT THE FUCK look they gave him. "What?"

"The guy you dated, right?" Collis supplied.

"Michael?"

"Yeah, him."

"Hah."

A weak, halting scoff escaped them. They were smiling but it was almost hysterical, and they dragged a hand from the top of their face down to their chin, quite frankly looking like they wanted to shrivel up and die somewhere.

…Okay…

That.

That didn't sit right with him.

"Are you okay?"

Summer laughed again. Their eyes looked glassy, like they were one moment away from breaking down entirely.

Collis… Hoped they would not, because he wouldn't know how to handle that.

Was that cruel of him?

…Probably.

"Well. Uh." His gaze arted elsewhere, shrugging. "If you see him again let me know. I'll punch him for you."

A different sound escaped them that time.

Not a forced laugh. Not a scoff.

They snorted.

And usually that meant either a bad thing or a good thing, based on what he knew from his conversations with Sarah. Were they genuinely amused? Were they amused in a way that was like, Haha that was stupid Collis, just fuck off already no one wants you here?

This one could have been either, or both, or… Something else entirely?

"Really? 'd like to see that," Summer said, and they gave him a once-over and he just knew what the joke was oh for fuck's sake—

"I'm. I look. Shorter than I am," Collis growled out.

Summer snorted again. He still couldn't tell if it was negative or positive.

Maybe it didn't really matter because they seemed to be genuinely smiling, now.

"Sure, sure mate. I bet you can grow up t'one whole meter."

Collis glared. "I probably can."

Their smile turned sharp and Collis saw his life flash before his eyes.

Wait how long was a meter again.

Still glaring, not breaking eye-contact with their eyes, Collis slowly pulled out his phone from his pocket and asked Google what a meter was compared to feet.

"One meter is equal to that of three-point-three feet," the robotic voice recited back to him.

…

Okay.

So now they were just bullying him.

Cool, cool.

Collis began to walk off without another word.

Seemingly to their sudden panic.

"Wait— Wait!" Summer caught up with him in the five steps it took to get away from them (damn he really was short compared to them). "'m— 'm sorry. I didn't— 'm sorry," they rambled, and even that apology would have been fine, if unwarranted; but it was the way they continued doing it. "'m sorry I didn't mean to— I was, I was just, 'm sorry, 'm—"

Holy shit?

"Woah woah, hey!" Collis cut in, once his brain caught up with him. He almost reached out but that'd probably be a bit much. "It's— It's fine, you didn't, like. Hurt my feelings or anything? We're good? We're cool."

What just happened?

Why…?

It took them a moment before they remembered how to breathe again.

"Okay. I just…"

Then confusion replaced the sheer anxiety on their face.

"'m… We're? Uh. Thanks? Not… Sure how that's relevant, but…"

It took him a second.

And then he realized they'd taken him seriously on the "we're cool" bit.

"No no I mean— Like. It's fine. We're fine. Like. Nothing's bad between us." He coughed awkwardly.

"…Oh."

They seemed relieved.

"Uh. Well. Bye. Have a… Nice day."

Wasn't that what he said to them the other day? Or was he looking into it? Humans said that all the time right?

They walked past him before he could ask.

He stared after them for longer than necesssary.

…

…Why'd he get rid of that bag of chips now he has to go get a new one.

Ugh.

Chapter Text

Collis did, in fact, get a second bag of chips the following day.

…Well.

Two bags.

The other one, he gave to Sarah. Except not Sarah, because he told her to give them to somebody else when they ate lunch.

It was… Another apology.

Among other things.

. . .

He knew he didn't have to, and that he already had to begin with.

But…

.

.

.

In any case.

If they didn't have a snack, they had one now.

Later, Sarah told him they said thanks.

He shrugged it off.

"Y'know," Sarah had told him. "You could just be friends with them. Instead of making me do everything for you."

Collis didn't even have to put in effort to conjure his answer, it just appeared:

"I don't need friends, they disappoint me."

Sarah slugged him.

Like, just straight-up slugged him in the shoulder.

The sheer exasperation on her face was worth it though.

*

Collis had told himself that, on the off-chance he did run into Michael one of these days, he was going to punch him whether Summer was aware he would or not.

That ended up happening.

…Well, the running into him part.

And it was more like Michael ran into him.

Literally.

Michael literally stepped on the heels of Collis's shoes from behind and Colls turned to look at him like he personally owed him that new bag of chips.

"Sorry," Michael had said. And then had immediately sequeued into, "You know Summer, right?"

"No."

"Well, I saw you talking to them."

"Okay?"

"What do you know about… Uh. Y'know. That one girl. Their relationship to her."

…Okay, what. "Sarah?"

"Yeah. What's she to them?"

…

Collis.

Suddenly understood why the fuck Summer had gotten so upset at him.

Because what.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?"

Michael huffed. "Because she won't talk to me."

"Skill issue."

"What?" Michael snapped.

Okay, sheesh. "Look," Collis said, "Sarah's my friend, Summer's whatever. I don't know them, I've only talked to them like. Once. I don't know what went on between you two but it's none of my business, yeah?"

Michael looked angry.

Collis resisted the urge to repeat in his face, Skill issue.

Instead, he took the chance to walk away before the guy punched him. Because in all honesty he may or may not have been bluffing when he talked to Summer.

Also.

Why the fuck had he been brought into this. Like he told him, it was none of Collis's business, he wasn't friends with Summer. Just because Sarah was the only link between them didn't mean he had to be the in-between guy or. Whatever.

*

…Except apparently he was the, "or whatever."

For fuck's sake, Collis just wanted things to go back to normal.

Was that so much to ask?

He didn't want to have to be the one witness to Summer and Michael's relationship drama in the hallway, for the second time in a row.

He didn't want to be the one Summer was looking at for help now, or an out simply because he happened to have walked by. Because he wasn't their friend and it didn't matter and he wasn't the one who should help ever.

But, they were looking at him like he was.

Like because they only kind of knew him, he'd somehow be a sane party in this scenario who wouldn't fuck this up badly.

Hell, they didn't even kind of know him.

That was the issue to begin with and they should have known better.

(Why was he always blaming everyone else?)

(Why couldn't he just—)

And, knowing himself he should have left right then and there and not fucked it up, and Summer would have been hurt by his inaction, and moved their chair away again for the rest of the semester, but at least it wouldn't have been the shit he pulled next.

Collis stepped forward, close enough to be standing right next to Summer, and automatically gaining Michael's attention now too. "Hey."

"…Hey," Michael managed, eyes narrowing. "Can't you see we're in the middle of something?"

"Yeah, just one quick thing."

He eyed the hand that draped loosely at Summer's side.

And he grabbed it.

He felt the full-body flinch from them but had to keep a straight face and pray they didn't pull away while he plastered on a somewhat normal human expression.

"Me and Summer are a thing now," he said, grinning in a full-tooth smile. Summer's hand was like brick against his palm, hard, rigid. He tried to keep his own body rigid to the best of his ability in response, the only moving thing about him being his voice. "Just thought you should know that."

Michael looked like he was going to throw him.

Collis's grin widened. "Don't you have a class to go to, Mike?" Because even if the situation was the last thing he ever wanted to be in the look on Michael's face was still hilarious. He was fuming.

"I— Who— Who the fuck do you think you are—"

"Uhh, I thought I just said I was their boyfriend?" he interrupted, blinking innocently.

Summer's hand tensed further.

But before he could think about letting them go,

he heard Summer swallow.

And they spoke.

"Leave us alone."

Michael looked about as flabbergasted as Collis felt.

"Let's go," Summer muttered, and then they were leading him away and.

And Collis had no fucking idea what just happened.

Summer kept walking, until they ducked into a computer lab that wasn't being used, dark and smelling of… Whatever computers smell of.

Then, Summer ripped their hand out of Collis's hand so fast it kind of hurt.

Okay, ow, but.

…

Yeah.

That was… Deserved.

So was the thinly-veiled, almost venemous glare they were shooting him. Their eyes were green and venemous. Not as blinding not nearly as cold as the ones Collis had burnt memories of, but somehow freezing him more than they ever could.

"Don't ya ever," Summer began, and their voice was a growl, "do somethin' like that again."

Collis wanted to ask which part.

But his tongue didn't seem to want to work.

Inexplicably, ironically, suddenly, hilariously, he felt like the powerless mortal in this situation.

"Ya really couldn't've— Really?" they laughed. "That was the best ya could've done?"

"I," Collis managed.

"I— Look, look 'm— 'm sorry, I shouldn't've put ya on the spot like that and forced ya to— I just—"

They tugged their hands through their hair, pulling on it, making themself flinch.

The next time their voice came out, it was raw.

"'m sorry. 'm sorry," they stressed, "that I made ya help. But. Don't touch me. Don't— Don't speak for me."

…

The… Fact they were apologizing at all, let alone for asking for his help.

That.

No.

Collis forced himself to breathe. "I'm sorry."

He'd really fucked this up.

This was… The second time he'd done something horrifically violating and out-of-line to them. (The first if somehow, somehow, it hadn't been that already.) He couldn't even properly feel sorry for himself for this one and excuse his own self-hatred—this was just…

"I'm sorry," he repeated, "I… Don't. Apologize for asking for my help. That was— That was fucked up of me. That's on me. I'm sorry. I'm— I'm so sorry."

Just the slightest, he saw the furrow to their brow soften a little. Maybe he imagined it. He hoped he did, because he didn't deserve that.

Summer scoffed. It sounded halfhearted.

"It's…" they started. Stopped. Looking at him.

This time, Collis didn't mistake the softening of their expression, and he felt like shit because of it.

"It's fine," they muttered, glancing away from him. One arm rubbing over their other arm. "Just… Whatever."

It wasn't fine.

It wasn't "whatever."

But he wasn't sure how to convince them of that and he—

…Wasn't sure why he cared so much anyhow.

It really wasn't his problem.

Are you fucking serious? his brain—or, whatever he was meant to be—screeched.

Why are you like this?

Why can't you be a decent person for one damn second in your damned existence?

…

Whatever.

"Right. Then," Collis stated, stepping out of the room back into the brightly-lit hallway, "I'll just. Get going."

Asshole. Asshole.

"See you around," he added. Because he would. And they'd either talk again or they wouldn't.

Summer still stood in the doorway of the lab.

They nodded once. Stiff.

They said nothing.

ASSHOLE.

His tongue felt like lead.

…But…

"Uh," Collis said.

Their gaze darted to him, brief.

"Hey," he said. As if they were seeing him for the first time, which they weren't, and he was an idiot. "I'm… I was gonna, uh, get lunch."

They stared at him.

Well, yeah, no wonder, be clearer than that you dumbass

"If you— I could get you something," Collis uttered awkwardly, "if you… Wanted?"

They continued to stare at him. "Where?"

"Where?" he repeated it, like he was learning English again for the first time, scrunching his eyebrows.

Summer rolled their eyes, "Where are ya goin'?"

"Oh. Uh. I usually just get from Burger King or something."

"Ew."

Collis scowled. "Do you have a better idea?"

"Anythin' but Burger King," Summer said.

Collis rolled his eyes this time.

"Fine. Whatever. Wendy's then."

"…Mmm…"

Oh for fuck's sake.

"Okay," Summer settled on. "I might as well come with ya, then."

He wanted to be pissed off at that—and he kind of was, a little bit.

But…

He deserved that, too.

There were a lot of things Collis deserved; none of which were currently at his disposal, and all of which Summer would likely be horrified by.

So, for now.

He would hate himself quietly while he and his best friend's friend walked to the on-campus Wendy's.

That seemed like a fair enough compromise.

Chapter Text

"So. Uh. What should we— Wait fuck you're still eating nevermind," Collis droned, like an idiot, as Summer gave him a halfhearted glare through their mouthful of sandwich. A chicken sandwich, to be exact. With pickles. Ew. They'd already eaten the nuggets they got, too.

Collis had also ordered nuggets, but only nuggets.

Which had prompted them to ask if he wanted some of theirs.

Which was…

. . .

Unbelievably nice of them.

Not only considering the Hell he'd put them through thus far, but just—they weren't friends. They weren't even really acquaintances, exactly. He'd fucked that up royally.

So why did they—

Was that just a them thing? Were they just like that?

Collis pretended to be more interested in what was out the window to his left; meanwhile, every time he could get away with it his eyes wandered to Summer.

After wiping off their fingers with a napkin, the human in question huffed a sigh.

"'kay," they said. "'m— So…"

"Yeah?"

Their face shifted into a pale pink. "…'m not sure we can really. Uh. Take it back."

"Take what back?" Collis asked, like an idiot.

They stared at him, because he was an idiot.

"What ya told my ex," they stated flatly. "'Bout being my new boyfriend."

Oh.

…

Wait, huh?

Collis frowned. "Why not? Just tell him we broke up or something an then hopefully he'll just fuck off and get tired of you—"

"'s not that fuckin' simple," Summer snapped, and Collis swallowed his tongue promptly.

Right. Yeah.

He should shut up.

"It's—" Summer let out something between a frustrated whine and a groan, burying their face into their palms and splaying their fingers out across their cheeks. "He's not gonna just fuck off, is the thing. He— He thinks I'm the love of his life, or whatever the fuck. Or— Or he just wants me back 'cause… He'll just— He's gonna keep crawlin' back to me 'cause he— Just— He wants me that fuckin' badly I guess but can be bothered t'actually fuckin'… Work on himself."

Collis kept his mouth shut.

"And. I…" They hesitated. Glanced at Collis through the gaps between their fingers.

He remained quiet.

"…'m… Scared 'm gonna fall for it again," they muttered. "I dunno."

Oh.

Yeah, okay.

Michael sounded like a real piece of shit.

"I could, like. Scare him off for you. Or something," Collis finally said, punctuating his words with a shrug.

Summer snorted, a third time in the short time he'd known them (if "knowing them" was whatever this was). It didn't sound like a negative thing.

(Maybe.)

"And how exactly are ya gonna do that?" Summer mused, a slight smile tugging at their lips. "Mr. Almost Two Whole Meters Tall?"

"Hey." That was probably them bullying him again, he just knew it. "I'm five."

"…You're five," they repeated.

"Five feet I mean," Collis quickly added, because their smile had turned into a smirk and he didn't like that.

"Relax, I was just gonna say that sounds about right," they quipped. "Being five, I mean."

Oh for all things in the world that may or may not be holy he hated this human so so much.

"Anyway." Collis sniffed. Then, just like the previous interaction hadn't happened at all a grin of his own slithered across his face, crossing his arms on the table and resting his head on them with barely-restrained delight. "You'd be surprised what h— People find scary."

"Try me," they scoffed, crossing their own arms over their chest.

"No," Collis said.

"No?"

Collis grinned at them a moment longer.

They narrowed their eyes.

"You're full o' shit."

"Um. No I'm not. I'm full of— Um."

He paused.

"Bones…?"

Summer snorted a fourth time. Okay, that—that definitely wasn't at him. Was it?

"Anatomy and Physiology was boring!" Collis defended. "I already know I exist and that should be enough!"

"You're so fuckin' strange."

"Thanks. I think."

…

. . .

Summer's brief smile faded, and they drummed their fingers against the table. Looking anxious, suddenly. "And," they spoke, "if I tell him it wasn't— It isn't real, 'm… Not sure what he'd do."

"Ominous," Collis blurted without thinking, like a fucking idiot.

Their smile returned.

It looked bitter.

"You'd be surprised," was all they mumbled, for a moment. Throwing his own words back at him.

He almost asked them to elaborate on that.

He didn't.

"Either way, 'm fucked," they laughed, suddenly, too bright. Their eyes lit up, like they were about to tell a joke, and they added, "But, I mean— That's a given, huh?"

…

Concerning?

"I mean." They huffed another laugh. Or scoffed. "T'be honest I'd probably be better off just pretendin' I do have somebody else. If we really wanna be crazy here…"

They paused.

Looked at him.

Just a half a second, and then they were back to staring holes into their own window.

They reached out for the lemonade they'd bought, putting the straw up to their lips and taking a long, drawn-out sip.

Collis stared. "What, you actually think we should pretend to be fucking?"

And Summer promptly spat that lemonade right back out, drenching their half of the table.

"N— F— Not fucking," they managed, their voice an entire octave higher, alreeady setting to work on piling napkins over the spill. Heh. "Dating. You— Fucking asshole."

(That was a good thing? Right?? They weren't actually thinking he was still being an asshole, right?)

"Okay," he drawled, sill grinning. "Dating. Like. Fake dating?"

"Okay no, forget I even—"

"I guess we could do that."

Summer's mouth remained open for a moment.

Collis shrugged, as though their silence demanded more of a response. "I mean. That wouldn't be the weirdest thing I've ever done." He grinned. "Maybe the funniest, though."

They just kept staring at him. His grin vanished.

"Sorry. That— Maybe not the… Time to joke, about that."

If there ever was a time.

Idiot.

"No," Summer said, blinking. "I mean— That's not— I just. Are ya crazy?"

"Okay, ow?"

"No I just— I mean— You're serious? You're bein' fuckin' serious here, you'd actually do somethin' that batshit insane."

Another shrug. "I love war, what can I say?"

"What."

"Y'know. Drama?"

"You're so fuckin' strange."

Collis smiled again, flattered. "Thank you."

Without a beat, they flipped him off, and his smile broadened. Once more, they spread their fingers over their face, heaving out a deep sigh.

"…Are… Ya sure? 'Cause I— It." They sighed again. "Am I seriously— Ugh. Fuck."

"I'm sure," Collis assured. "Assuming you'd still want to do that."

"Okay."

…

. . .

"Okay?"

"Yeah, just— Fine. Whatever. Let's do it. What do I have t'lose," they grumbled.

On his part, Collis blinked.

Despite his joking, and even his previous seriousness about it, he couldn't quite believe his ears.

They just.

Were going to trust him like that???

Well, maybe not— Trust him trust him, since it'd all be a ruse, but.

Still.

"We gotta establish some things first," they added, and oh thank the stars they didn't really trust him. Great! "Since we're not actually— Y'know— Then. No kissin' or cuddlin' or. Whatever. Or… Beyond that."

Well, yeah. He wasn't thinking about kissing them anyway.

"And don't say anythin' to him without clearin' it by me first," they went on. Okay, fair. Especially since… Yeah. "…Wait."

Uh oh. "Yeah?"

"Y'don't, like— Already got someone, right?"

Wrinkling his nose, Collis rushed out, "No, ugh. I'm not that big of an asshole."

"That's not what I meant," Summer quickly cut in, "just— Like, t'avoid you bein' an asshole, 'd wanna know. And me too. So 'm also not an asshole."

…

He… Didn't tell them that wasn't what he really meant.

"So I'm not cheating on my nonexistent partner with my fake one, yeah," he quipped, feigning another grin.

Summer deadpanned. "Shut the Hell up."

He ignored them—but, to be fair, he did have good reason. "What about friends?"

They sat up straighter. "Huh?"

"Our friends," he clarified. "What do we tell them?"

They paused, seeming to think over it.

Then…

"I guess we play it up for 'em too."

Collis cringed.

"Or not," Summer relented, their features softening.

"No no it's— It's just. Sarah." He stared holes into the window. "She'll be fucking annoying about it, and that's putting it lightly."

"Mm. Yeah." He could feel their eyes on him. "Well, 'm okay with whatever. If we wanna tell her or not." Another pause. "But… Not about it bein' fake. We can't tell her that. We can't tell anyone that."

He turned back to them. "Why not?"

They didn't respond.

They took another sip of their lemonade in silence.

Collis decided he wouldn't press them any more, at all, because…

…

It just… Felt like maybe he shouldn't.

And, despite everything…

(He didn't want them to hate him.)

(He didn't want anyone to hate him.)

(Another reason he was selfish. But, at least in this case…)

"Okay," he shrugged, leaning back. "Cool. Guess we're dating now."

"Uh-huh," Summer said, flatly. "Sure."

"What do couples usually do?" he wondered. "Like, for fun I mean. For dates."

They said nothing.

"Does this count? Are we on a date right now?"

"Shut up."

His grin returned. "That wasn't a no."

"'m gonna kill ya."

Pffft—!

This time, Collis snorted, hiding his face away in his hand after the fact.

"Cute," he giggled, without thinking. Summer's eyes narrowed.

"What's cute."

"You. Thinking you can kill me."

"Dude. 'm bigger than ya. I could break all the bones in your body if I wanted."

He made a so-so motion with his hand.

They huffed, but their lips with quirked up, just a bit.

"I told you, I'm not all bones," he deflected.

"No, that was all ya said. That you're full o' bones."

"Oh yeah." He pretended to be surprised by this, eyes widening. "I did say that."

They sighed.

But, they were smiling.

At him.

Because of him.

…

For once, maybe…

Maybe Collis didn't hate himself so much.