Chapter Text
Victoria Javadi is not a rule breaker, precisely the reason why she is actively losing her shit sitting in the backseat of Dennis’ grandpa’s truck. She hadn't asked her mom if she could go to Whitaker’s farm with him and Santos, she had just … told her.
She walked out of the door, bag in hand, blocked out the shouts that were telling her to come back inside and was already in Santos’ car, being driven to the airport.
The three and a half hours on the plane were alright, but when her phone was off airplane mode? The thirty missed calls from her mother did make Victoria’s stomach churn uncomfortably.
And now here she is, ‘listening’ to Dennis’ grandpa telling embarrassing stories about him as a kid, and Santos is eating it up, her smile wide, her eyes bright. Happy with more blackmail material for her roommate.
And Victoria tries, she really tries to relax and enjoy this trip with her friends. Friends! She has those now. And tries her hardest to participate in the conversation.
But she can't.
Her friends are nice to her, and sometimes they really do treat her as the youngest and forgo any teasing when they realise she can't take it.
Now, for instance, is one of those times, Santos keeps on shooting her a side glance every three minutes, not pushing but perceptive always. Dennis, sweet little idiot Dennis, makes it more obvious, staring intently at her from the side-view mirror.
“Aaaand, here we are! Home, sweet home!” Dennis’ grandpa boasts. And Victoria finally blinks, taking in her surroundings. She hadn't even noticed when they got off the road and onto the dirt path. Now here they are, parked in the driveway of a very lived-in house/cabin, she wasn't sure.
Santos only offers a pat on the shoulder, a somewhat awkward smile on her lips, “C’mon, Crash. A whole week and a half, free from all the noise!” and Victoria nods, tries to offer a smile herself that seems real.
The moment Victoria is off that truck and has stepped foot onto the dirt-path that’s their driveway; she’s squinting her eyes. It’s hot. It’s fucking hot as hell. The sun is too bright, it’s not even afternoon yet and the sun is too bright.
She can already begin to feel the sweat beading on her temple. It’s November. The air shouldn't be hot enough to stick to Victoria’s skin.
This is hell.
She didn't pack clothes for this weather.
Whitaker’s grandpa is already inside, leaving the three of them on their own. Victoria doesn’t even try to help Whitaker with the bags, knowing Santos will scold her because it’s a ‘man’s job’, and how he has to learn how to be ‘chivalrous’ but Victoria knows deep down that Santos just hates to do all the heavy lifting.
For Victoria, it’s hard. Relying on other people, standing with her hands behind her back while someone else does her work. Since she was a little girl, she has done everything herself.
Her perfectionist streak didn’t let her work with anyone and she was a preteen when she was applying for colleges. So, with her track record, not a lot of people wanted to be her friends and no one really ever wanted to help her with anything.
Whatever. She’s learning.
She’s just not… in a good headspace these days, with the way things are going. The EM rotation is one of the hardest she’s ever taken. But she has learnt that she enjoys it, somewhat. It’s a good learning experience and she’s getting to be a real doctor, Samira is nice. And she explains things slowly when Victoria gets overwhelmed.
But with the way her mother’s breathing down her neck, somewhat aggressive about Victoria pursuing Surgery instead. She needed to get away.
So after the MSI, on her first shift mind you. The three young doctors- two young doctors and the med student decided to get away. Robby insisted they do, so now they have a week and a half off.
And here they are, Dennis’ family away for a destination wedding of his cousin and him and his coworkers in his childhood home.
She kicks a pebble away, while Santos and Whitaker are arguing about him mishandling her luggage. And treks further towards the house, the gravel crunching underneath her sneakers.
It’s sort of a cabin really, from the outside of it, aged wood that’s losing its color, showing the testament of its life. The porch is wide, a rocking chair and a swing set on the right.
On the right side is an open field, Victoria is assuming for all the cattle Whittaker always mentions. The grass is dead from certain areas, brown and golden patches littered around. Victoria cringes slightly, she doesn't know why. And on the other side, on the left, is also an open field.
But the grass is greener and freshly cut, and just slightly further is a person, loading off haystacks from a pickup truck.
Victoria can’t see their face, because their back is turned towards them but she can make out the light brown cowboy hat, the reddish flannel. And the auburn hair reaching mid-back.
Victoria doesn’t know why she stops. She just does. The person by the truck straightens, hay balanced against their shoulder. She drifts closer to the wooden fence–rail, railing, she isn’t sure, whatever. Until her hands are resting against sun-warmed wood, even if the hotness stings slightly.
“Dr. Mckay!” Dennis’ voice rings, shrill and loud at the same time, just from behind her.
And Victoria stops herself from shooting him a glare. But his shout seemed to have done the trick because the person, Mckay, Victoria’s assuming, has halted their actions and now is jogging towards them.
It’s a woman, Victoria has a realisation, as she comes into view. It’s a pretty woman, Victoria has her second realisation.
“Whitaker, long time no see! Your Grandpa didn't mention you coming home.” The woman, Mckay, breathes out.
She’s panting slightly by the time she reaches the railing Vic is leaning on, slightly sweaty, face flushed. She takes off the leather glove she’s wearing by pulling a finger in between her teeth.
Oh. Victoria straightens up. Staggering a small step back. Wow.
“No, y-yeah. It- it just sorta happened, spur of the moment kind of thing- These are my friends! Trinity Santos and our youngest, Victoria Javadi!” Whitaker exclaims, voice excited, hands gesturing wildly and Victoria almost forgives him for the ‘youngest’ part.
She, however quickly gets over it, when Mckay takes off the cowboy hat she’s wearing to run a hand through her hair, pushing her sweaty bangs off her forehead with a quiet chuckle.
She ruffles Whitaker’s hair with her other, still glove-covered hand before looking over at Vic and Trinity, flashing them both a grin that makes the side of her eye crinkle. “Friends! Sweet!”
“Nice to meet ya, I’m Cassie Mckay.” and then it’s her turn to lean on the ranch railing, sleeves pushed up, forearms glistening.
Victoria sees a glimpse of her tattoo and the younger girl has a very strong urge to turn around and run.
“Let me guess,” she points to Trinity, “you’re Dr. Santos and you,” Trinity nods, smile smug and she turns to look at Victoria next, and if Victoria wasn't losing her mind, she would've noticed the way Cassie’s voice softened just around the edges, “are the youngest, Dr Javadi.”
Victoria’s already looking at Cassie when she says her name, and the blues of Cassie’s eyes are so blue. Victoria blinks, warmth spreading through her chest. She blinks again, once, twice, thrice. And the blues are still focused on her.
“Ha! Yeah!” Victoria says after a few moments of silence, when she realises she hasn't given any sort of affirmation. Her voice is high pitched and awkward and she's mortified, eyes wide.
Fucking hell, Victoria.
She’s about to scramble a few words of apology that would be laced with self-deprecation before Trinity wraps an arm around her shoulder tight.
“Well, it was lovely meeting you, Cassie! But we just came from a long flight and the heat’s just getting to us, so we’re gonna go cool off, right Crash?”
When all Victoria can do is nod, eyes on the dirtpath, zeroing on the few weeds, and she lets Trinity steer her away and inside the cabin.
They leave Dennis out there with Cassie and frankly Victoria even forgets he’s there.
Victoria doesn't wait for Trinity to sit down on the dining table chair, elbows on the table and head in her hands, cheeks burning and not from the heat.
Fuck. What the hell was that?
“What the hell was that?” Exactly. Trinity is there, leaning against the table but she had placed a glass of water on the table in front of Victoria. And the younger of the two is grateful, she grabs the glass with both hands like a child thirsty after a meltdown and takes big gulps.
But one thing about Trinity Santos is that she has made it her life’s mission to fuck with Victoria Javadi, so she waits until Victoria has a mouthful of water and then she makes her move, “You totally gay panicked out there. First time seeing an older butch?”
Victoria chokes, full on. The water goes in the wrong pipe and she rushes forward, coughing and heaving, eyes teary and water leaking from her nose.
She’s sure she hears Trinity mumble out a loud ‘Jesus’ and she’s behind Victoria, patting between her shoulder blades forcefully.
“Babe, what the hell? Nasal regurgitation.” Santos mumbles when Victoria has finally caught her breath, and her vision isn't spinning anyway.
“Fuck you, I know what nasal regu- fuck off. She’s not a butch, how’d you even come to that conclusion?”
“Babe, a huge ass carabiner, on her right? Helllooo?” Victoria groans, head falling again in her hands and she's blushing again.
“She’s a cowgirl, she needs those for utilities and stuff. And I didn't notice that at all, how’d you- nevermind.”
“Yeah, because you were too busy making a fool of yourself staring up at her like she’s going to fix all your mommy issues.” Victoria groans again because Trinity is right and it’s embarrassing and Santos cackles, loud and obnoxious and free.
“Hell yeah, Crash!”
They get to work that afternoon immediately, when Dennis finally shows up inside. Despite this being something sort of a vacation, they are all restless and aren't quite used to not settling down on the couch without being exhausted.
Victoria doesn't remember the last time she had a vacation, and she doesn't remember the last time she wasn’t exhausted.
So in a way, her body’s still in fight or flight, as if it’s worried that Eileen Shamsi’s going to somehow appear right in front of her and drag her home.
Thinking about Eileen Shamsi, she still has to call her mom back. Victoria winces just at the thought and goes back on her task of chopping the carrots into small cubes for the soup they're going to prepare.
And after that, she’ll unpack her clothes in the spare room she’s sharing with Trinity and then take a long shower, and then write in her journal and then pray and then take a peek outside the window for the cowgir-
Yeah. No.
𐚁
Thinking about calling her mom, Dr Shamsi beats her to it. Victoria is just done with her breakfast and has taken one sip of the instant coffee Trinity has prepared.
Breakfast itself was a quiet affair, Dennis’ Grandpa, Luke was recounting stories about the floods and Whitaker’s childhood again, filling the air with soft exhales and quieter chuckles.
Victoria just felt her shoulders relax, Dennis looked … lighter in a sense, his eyebags slightly better and Trinity had her feet up on the chair, cotton shorts on and hair open, the ceiling fan making it dance.
But it all went away when her ringtone rang from the living room, and dread immediately settled in the pit of her stomach.
Trinity immediately locked eyes with her, a flash of concern and her feet were on the wooden floorboards, but Javadi just shook her head, and excused herself politely.
She let her phone go straight to voicemail, surprised that the signals here were good and walked to the back porch to call her mother.
She opens her contacts and takes a deep breath before calling her mother. The phone rings once, twice, thrice and she prays to God that her mother was busy.
But God always found Victoria funny, and Eileen Shamsi’s voice was in her ear, deceptively calm, “Victoria, hello.”
Victoria closes her eyes, presses the heel of her palm in her eyesocket, already feeling the beginning of a migraine. “Hi, mom. How are you?”
“Better than yesterday, I was sure your father was going into cardiac arrest the moment I told him about your stunt.”
“Abba wouldn't stop me, he would've wanted me to go on a vacation-”
“Yes, like a family vacation, a cruise, a trip to Maldives, that we would've given you after you’d have started your residency in Surgery, like we discussed.”
“Mom- I’m sorry I didn't discuss it with you before- I just needed th-”
“You don't know what you need. You are impressionable, you are still young. I am trying to guide you so you do not make a fool of yourself or stray off track.” Her voice cuts through, harsher than before.
Like the time she found Victoria sneaking into her Father’s study to try a cigarette of his because she heard the girls in her junior year of high school talk about it. And Victoria’s shoulders sag, the headache insistent and pounding.
She doesn't say anything and neither does her mother, maybe Eileen was waiting for a response or Victoria was waiting for a ‘the house feels empty without you’ but nothing ever came.
“Stop acting childish. Victoria, come back this instant.”
The phone cuts off and it’s still not an ‘i miss you’, and Victoria is here on a break, so she will not be going home. She’s an adult who can make her own choices, and she’s not going to wallow over the fact that if her mother just talked to her a bit more nicely, her heart would've budged a little.
So she blinks away the tears filling her eyes and pockets her phone. And she’s about to go join everyone inside again, until her eyes catch the reflection of a person in a cowboy hat in the window.
She turns her head, her eyes not yet deceiving her. And it is her, Cassie Mckay in the flesh, this time, joined by a herd of cattle.
Victoria watches the older woman murmur to the cattle, palm smoothing over their broad necks before she lifts a hoof and tucks it between her knees. There’s a tool in her hand, something Victoria can’t quite make out from this distance.
Cassie works through all four hooves with practiced ease, unhurried, methodical, before moving on to the next animal. Like she’s done this countless times, and Vic is sure she has.
Headache forgotten, Victoria tells herself she should go say hi.
But that would be weird. Too friendly. Cassie is her friend’s neighbor, not…anything. And even if she did go over there, what would she say? Hi, I’m the med student who stared at you yesterday like she’d never seen a woman before.
If she doesn't say hi, that’s bad manners. Her mother would be very disappointed. Normally, that would matter.
Right now, it doesn’t.
Because apparently she’s the kind of person who has a love-at-first-sight moment on a vacation, and that is, honestly, fucking ridiculous. She scowls to herself, really how fucking stupid is th-
“Javadi!”
Victoria turns toward the sound, heart stuttering. It’s Cassie, standing somewhat closer, waving both hands in the air like a lunatic.
Victoria doesn’t move. Still rooted, still dumbfounded. That only seems to spur Cassie on more.
“Victoria Javadi,” she calls again, louder. “I see you.”
That gets her moving, and this time it’s her jogging. There is a space between the fences where she quickly gets through and in no time, she’s standing near Cassie Mckay and her cattles, letting out a breathless “Hey.”
“Hey right back at you. Hope I didn't disturb you, saw you standing there for a while.” Mckay hums out, leaning back on the cattle she was working on and the cattle just let her.
Up close, Victoria can see the dust clinging to her jeans. No carabiner, Victoria bites back her disappointment.
However, the wife pleaser she’s wearing that will probably give her a stunning tan, her muscles clenched just slightly from the way she’s leaning back, the way her cowboy hat tips forwar-
She averts her gaze. God.
“Didn’t mean to,” Victoria says, a little too quickly. She wipes her palms against her jorts, then realizes that probably looks worse. “My mom called and then I was going inside and I saw you and I- I was just watching.”
Cassie’s mouth quirks, not quite a smile, but the side of her eye still crinkled a tiny bit. “Yeah, I noticed.”
There’s no edge to it. If anything, she sounds amused.
She nods toward the tool in her hand, her voice even softer than before if possible. “Ever seen a hoof knife before?”
Victoria shakes her head. “Yeah, no, I mean. No. I grew up in the city and it’s my first time ever at a farm and even being near any livestock, but I have seen the tiktok videos of the guy- you know, trimming or something.”
“Not even a petting zoo?” Mckay’s voice is curious, still carrying that earlier softness.
Victoria just shakes her head, her stomach churning uncomfortably. Fuck, she probably sounds like a huge ass loser.
Cassie, however, hums, her smile still on her lips and she nods, not teasing. “Fair enough, no, yeah makes sense.” She steps aside then, just enough to give Victoria a better view of the cattle she was working on. “You can come closer. She won’t mind. This is Lilly.”
Victoria hesitates, eyes flicking to the cattle. It’s huge up close, warm and alive in a way that makes her suddenly aware of how small she is.
And the cow turns her head, looking right back at her, and she unknowingly takes a step back.
Her eyes flicker back to Cassie, looking at just how at ease she seems. And when their eyes lock again, Cassie grants her another smile, reassuring.
“I don’t want to get in the way.”
“You won’t, just stand by her shoulder. She’s one of our sweetest girls. And if you mess with her,” Cassie mumbles, voice easy as she passes Victoria a playful smirk before pointing behind her with her thumb, “her boyfriend, Billy is going to get you.”
Victoria’s eyes fall behind Cassie’s shoulder, to where she’s pointing and true enough, there’s a bull standing on the other side of the cattle enclosure, horns long and pointy, a leather halter securing him inside.
“Lilly and Billy,” Victoria says, deadpan. “How original.”
She doesn’t mean to sound funny, but Cassie barks out a laugh anyway, short and surprised and something in Victoria’s chest loosens at the sound, her heart stuttering.
“Yeah,” Cassie says, grinning as she leans back even more against the cattle. “Got quite a mouth on ya, huh. But an eight-year-old named them, so what can you do?”
Victoria hums, ears burning before she gives a shrug. “Critique quietly. Internally.”
Cassie snorts. “That’s a skill.”
Victoria does reach forward to pet Lilly when Cassie gaze doesn't avert, heart thudding as she moves in. The cow shifts her weight slightly, breath puffing warm against Victoria’s arm. Victoria freezes, eyes widening.
Cassie notices immediately, standing a little straighter.
“Hey,” she says, softer. “She’s calm, just checking in. You’re good.”
She reaches out again when Cassie gives her a nod, slow and deliberate,and her hand rests against the cattle’s neck.
Lilly flicks an ear and goes back to chewing. That was easy.
Victoria exhales, stroking the coat slowly, her touch still hesitant. “She’s… warm.”
Cassie smiles brighter, “Yeah. They usually are. You can put a bit more pressure, she won't mind.”
Cassie demonstrates, hand firm against Lilly’s neck. After a second’s hesitation, Victoria mirrors her.
Lilly exhales, long and slow, still grazing.
“Oh,” Victoria breathes. “That worked… fine?”
Cassie glances up at her, eyes bright with quiet approval before giving Victoria a hum. “Told you. She likes confidence.”
Victoria doesn't say anything, just nods.
Cassie crouches again then, leaving the petting to Victoria before lifting the hoof with practiced ease. She gestures with her chin.
“You see the dirt packed in there? You mostly trim the hooves every six months but clean them out every two to three. Stones, gravel, even nails or small metal pieces get stuck in there, can cause trouble if you leave it in too long.” Her voice is warm.
Victoria watches attentively, leaning down slightly to take a closer look at the hoof Cassie’s holding in her hand, “Preparing before winter comes so they’re not uncomfortable? Plus I'm assuming small things staying stuck might cause them pain and could lead to hoof infections. If they dig in hard enough?”
“Yeah. Exactly.”
Cassie glances up at her, a dimpled smile passed to Victoria. There’s something approving in her eyes, quiet but unmistakable. However, Victoria is distracted.
Dimples.
“You pick things up fast,” she says.
Victoria swallows, suddenly thirsty, her headache back. Fuck, she forgot about that, “I’m… differential diagnoses and everything and- I’m still learning.”
She’s babbling.
Cassie snorts under her breath, cleaning the hoof with her tool. “You’re good, smarter than most people your age.”
She finishes with the hoof slowly, and sets it down carefully. Lilly shifts but otherwise, content.
Cassie stands again, rolling her shoulders and Victoria is still there. Mckay doesn't seem to mind, taking off her gloves to shove them in her pocket. “Lemonade?”
“I’m sorry?”
“You look parched, baby doe. Let’s get some electrolytes in you.”
She flushes, eyes accidentally locking with Cassie’s and she suddenly loses her train of thoughts.
“No, yeah. Uhh- Thanks for the offer but I gotta run back. Uhm.. some stuff needs to be sorted.” Victoria nods, voice crackly, pointing behind her, not sure who she’s trying to convince.
Cassie nods again, her smile still there and still warm, and Victoria is really starting to feel dizzy. She should've gotten that lemonade.
“Of course, hang out with your friends, help them out. Sorry for hoarding you up, sweetheart.” She huffs out a laugh and stuffs both of her hands in the back pockets of her jeans.
Victoria’s eyes zero in on the biceps covered with a sheen of sweat and she swallows thickly, throat dry.
“Hey, If you want to help, I could use an extra set of hands. Or,” Cassie adds, voice welcoming, “you can just keep me company. I don’t mind either way.”
Victoria looks down at her own hands; small, a little shaky, but capable. And it might give her something to do, keep her mind off home and the Pitt. But Trinity wouldn't leave her alone if she finds out about this,
But, fucking hell, who really cares. She’d love the gossip anyway.
“I can help,” she says, voice low. Then, after a beat, more quietly: “If you tell me what to do. I can do it.”
Cassie’s smile softens around the edges.
“Attagirl,” she says. “We’ll start you slow. Tomorrow?”
Victoria nods, and Cassie’s smile brightens, her teeth peeking through.
Victoria nods again, almost to herself, the word tomorrow settling somewhere in her chest like a promise she didn’t know she’d been waiting for.
“Okay,” she says, because it feels safer than saying anything else.
Cassie steps back toward the cattle, already moving like this is settled, like Victoria belongs here now.
“Same time,” she adds over her shoulder. “Wear boots if you’ve got ’em, Vic.”
Victoria watches her go and she has half the heart to call her back, to ask her to take Victoria with her.
But she doesn't.
When she finally turns away, she shakes off her hands, hoping to brush off this jittery feeling in her chest. It stays even when she walks back inside, and joins her friends all at the dining table again. It’s the first time in days her head feels quiet.
Tomorrow, she thinks.
And for once, it doesn’t feel like something she’s dreading.