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Cecil stood in front of the door to Otoya and Tokiya’s room in the Shining Agency dormitories, knocked, and waited.
He actually owned a key. In fact, everyone in ST☆RISH had a key to one another’s living quarters, which they could use in varying cases of emergency. Tokiya, for example, wished no one would barge into his space unless it was a matter of life or death—for example, if no one saw him three days in a row. Meanwhile, Otoya welcomed the company of anyone who felt like it. The conflicting interests of these two roommates troubled those with a habit of barging in, like Syo or Reiji.
In Cecil’s case, he was too courteous to strut into anyone’s room unannounced except for Otoya’s, but even then, he preferred knocking. He basked in the buzz of anticipation of seeing his friends after a long day. He perked his ears at everyone’s different style of response, muffled behind the wood. He always felt his lips tugging into a wide smile as he witnessed the moment the occupant’s face turned to a pleasant welcome. It reminded him that he was loved. It reinstated that he belonged.
The door swung open with too much force. Cecil blinked in surprise, but he inadvertently smiled at Otoya’s wide grin and crescent-shaped eyes.
“Cecil!” Otoya exclaimed with too much glee, as if he were not the one who invited him. Tokiya was away for work, so Otoya called Cecil over for dinner and a sleepover! Cecil offered his own room at first, but Otoya had insisted he had prepared dinner for both of them. Besides, he had the game console hooked up to his television already.
“Otoya,” Cecil’s voice was much calmer, but it carried just as much warmth. He allowed himself to be pulled into a hug, enjoying the warmth spreading from the soft material of Otoya’s hoodie as well as the long-awaited quality time with his brother.
Brother. He had long since considered ST☆RISH as family, but the discovery that he and Otoya were related by blood was a newer surprise. It never failed to put a smile on his face, but soon it morphed into a laugh of exasperation.
“Otoya…” Cecil repeated. “Too tight!”
“Oops!” Otoya let go. Cecil wondered if he had been training his arm strength for the reality show he would be a guest on. “It’s been so long since we last hung out!”
“We visited the Sky Tree together last week, didn’t we?” asked Cecil, finally stepping into Otoya’s room.
Otoya closed the door and hummed. “But that was for work. Doesn’t count.”
Cecil giggled, but now that the door was closed, he was quickly distracted by the rich smell of curry. He looked around and spotted two plates of warm rice on the low coffee table in front of the couch. Next to the plates was a medium-sized pot of lightly simmering curry.
“That…” Cecil said in a hushed voice, as if Otoya was committing an unforgivable sin. “Isn’t that Tokiya’s electric pot?” Tokiya kept several cooking utensils in his and Otoya’s room for those busy nights when he was tied to his desk writing lyrics or studying scripts but still needed to eat healthy. Air fryer, electric pot, food heater, handy tools like that. The pot was Otoya’s favorite tool to “borrow”, mostly to cook instant ramen in the dead of night, something he was certain Tokiya never noticed. Cecil later overheard Tokiya silently complaining about this to Masato, but let Otoya off anyway.
“Shhh.” Otoya put a finger to his lips and winked conspiratorially. “I wash and store it properly. What Tokiya doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
Cccil giggled again and flopped into the soft cushions of the sofa. If Otoya believed he had stealth, Cecil would not be the one ruining his fun.
“Let’s eat! I’m starving!” Otoya ladled curry into two plates and handed one to Cecil, along with a spoon.
“Let’s eat!” Cecil said, then blew on his food. Otoya, on the other hand, stuffed the spoonful of curry and rice immediately into his mouth. His eyes watered right away, and he frantically tried to breathe through an open mouth full of food.
Cecil sighed fondly. This always happened. “Otoya, be careful.”
Otoya was struggling to swallow the steaming rice, so Cecil reached for the nearest empty glass, filled it with water from the pitcher, and held it near Otoya, ready to hand it to the redhead when he eventually asked for it.
As expected, Otoya snatched the water and downed it in one gulp. Cecil rubbed his back.
“Ahhhh!” Otoya exhaled, wiping the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. “Man, that was hot. But it’s good!” He took another spoonful of curry and remembered to blow on it this time.
Cecil’s own spoonful must be lukewarm by now. He brought it to his mouth and immediately melted into the uniquely rich, thick, and savory taste only Japanese curry could provide. “It really is!”
To be frank, he had tasted better curry—Masato’s, for example. This curry, Cecil immediately recognized, was the brand of curry blocks Otoya liked to get from the convenience store. But it was the company that made the meal, and feelings were the best seasoning. Cecil would not trade his brother’s instant curry with any five-star restaurant’s one-of-a-kind creation.
“How was work today?” asked Otoya between mouthfuls of curry. Cecil smiled, waiting for Otoya to continue. He always began his stories with a question for the other party. “We had a rehearsal for the reality show today. Filming’s tomorrow. It was… honestly, it was kind of a nightmare.” Otoya shivered. “For me, at least.”
Cecil tilted his head in confusion. “Why?”
“They had me try rock climbing!” Otoya wailed, flailing his spoon around. Cecil eyed it warily, hoping no stray drop of curry paste found its way to the carpet. Tokiya had picked that one, and it was white.
“Rock climbing?” Cecil repeated, voice rising. So Otoya had been working out, most likely.
“Yeah. Strapped me with the cables and ropes and everything. We used a climbing wall, fortunately. If we gotta go to an actual mountain…” Otoya let out another full-body shiver. “At least all the staff are nice.”
Cecil chewed on a spoonful of curry and nodded in sympathy.
“There’s also a coach, thankfully, and he was so patient with beginners! I think he could tell I was nervous, though. He kept telling me my hands were shaking!”
“Really?” said Cecil after swallowing. “I do not think Otoya is the type who shows nervousness easily.” That brilliant radiance and positive energy were what drew eyes to him, after all.
“Oh, no no no, you’re giving me too much credit. I was shaking.” Otoya flailed his hand holding the spoon again, and Cecil’s gaze landed on Otoya’s plate.
He had only taken those first two spoonfuls.
Cecil nodded to Otoya’s chatter, but inwardly, he frowned. Wasn’t Otoya starving, especially after the physical and emotional exhaustion of rock climbing?
He only just noticed how Otoya was mostly talking, not eating. Even though he was hungry, even though he was a big eater, and even though he liked chatting while eating, something he was often chided for…
“I think my hands wouldn’t stop shaking in the first hour. I couldn’t even climb up to my shoulders, haha!”
Cecil paid attention to Otoya’s face more intently than his words now.
“I expected rock climbing to be hard, but I didn’t know gripping the rocks was that hard, you know? I had to learn six ways. And the coach said that’s only for beginners!”
Otoya’s voice was light and cheerful as usual. He was smiling as he talked, like always. But… was it Cecil’s imagination, or was Otoya speaking a bit too quickly?
“I asked what age kids usually start rock climbing. You know what the coach said?”
Yes, Otoya was definitely talking faster than usual. Only slightly, but Cecil had chatted with him so much.
“Three or four. Isn’t that dangerous?! That’s what I thought, but the coach said, nope!”
Otoya’s curry must be cool by now.
“It’s pretty normal to let them climb at that age, he said!” Otoya shivered. He quickly recovered and opened his mouth again, but Cecil decided he should interrupt.
“Otoya.”
“And I thought—hm?”
“You have not eaten more than a few spoonfuls. Are you not hungry?”
“Ah…” For the first time, Otoya stuttered. He looked at his food, and under Cecil’s concerned gaze, ate a spoonful. As Cecil had predicted, Otoya’s food was lukewarm by this point.
“Man, I guess I really am hungry!” he said between mouthfuls. “But chatting with Cecil’s so much fun.”
Otoya ate more of his curry, and Cecil continued watching while chewing slowly. Normally, he would be flattered, but he had a nagging feeling that there was something deeper that occurred…
He decided to ask Otoya about it later. For now, Otoya should eat, which meant that it was Cecil’s turn to talk.
“Otoya, I think it is great that you tackled your fear of heights by trying rock climbing!”
“You think so?” Otoya sighed loudly. He scooped up more rice into his spoon. “It really sucked, though.”
“Of course, your discomfort will not disappear after one climbing session.” Cecil’s plate was almost empty, but the food on Otoya’s plate was depleting rather quickly, too. He must have been starving. “If it helps… Next week, I have a photoshoot at the beach.”
Otoya’s mouth was full, but his eyes widened. Cecil nodded exaggeratedly. “Yes. It is a photoshoot for a sunscreen brand. The beach is warm and pleasant, and I love the texture of sand on my fingertips.” Cecil smiled. “It reminds me of Agna.”
Otoya nodded and made noises of understanding. However, his face quickly morphed to sympathy at Cecil’s next words, spoken after a loud sigh. “But I was told… that we would be going into the water, too.”
Cecil rested his head against the sofa and looked up at the ceiling. “Otoya,” he croaked out. He had planned to talk to distract Otoya, but genuine anxiety was creeping up his chest. Having to go into the water until he was waist-deep was terrifying enough on its own, but… “Will I see fish in the water?”
“Uhm… I don’t think they swim that close to shore.”
“They do not?"
‘Mn. Not the big ones, at least.”
Cecil winced. “The small ones are not much better…”
“Ahaha…” Otoya scratched the side of his cheek awkwardly. A thin layer of curry roux stained the edges of his lips, which prompted Cecil to eye his plate. Well, if there was any consolation for opening up about his recent worries, it was that Otoya’s plate was clean. Cecil quickly finished his own curry.
“I’ll tell you what,” said Otoya, right after the last spoonful of curry was scraped clean off Cecil’s plate, “I’m gonna work hard with rock climbing, so you should do your best with the photoshoot.”
Cecil smiled. “That sounds like a great idea!”
“And next week, we’re gonna have dinner again and tell each other what we’ve done!”
The smile on Cecil’s face widened. Considering their busy schedules, it was difficult to plan meals or hangouts. Even if they had agreed on something in advance, one of them often had to cancel because of urgent work matters. This time, however, Cecil was determined to block his schedule. “Yes, I would like that!”
“That’s settled, then! Okay, I’m gonna go wash up.” Otoya sprang up from the couch and collected all the plates and utensils.
“Eh?” Cecil’s eyes widened. “But, Otoya, you already cooked! Let me do the dishes.”
“Nope, it’s fine! Can you boot up the game?”
“Alright…”
Cecil watched Otoya carrying the dirty dishes into the bathroom. He should be using the one in the kitchen, but Tokiya kept dish sponge and soap on their shared bathroom sink. Again, Otoya liked to abuse this whenever he cooked instant ramen at night without having to step out of the room.
Shaking his head fondly, Cecil refocused his attention on the two game consoles kept under the low table. He booted them up and connected them to the TV, as Otoya’s voice trailed from the bathroom.
“…Speaking of rock climbing, you know what the director told me? Kei just started climbing. He’s eight! Can you believe it?”
…The director? Kei?
“I visited after my rehearsal, all sore… and then I saw Kei. Yep, his arms are definitely more muscular now!”
Oh, Otoya was talking about his old orphanage. Cecil was not sure how the topic had shifted there.
“Jeez, when I first saw Kei, he was a baby. I think he can actually beat me in rock climbing now.”
There he went again, speaking all over the place, just a tad too quickly. Cecil frowned. He guessed Otoya was anxious about the job, but after making a promise to do his best, Otoya would usually feel better.
“He’s started talking back to me, can you believe that?! So other kids start doing it, too. Haaa, they can be such a handful.”
Cecil decidedly placed the game consoles on the table and headed towards the open bathroom door.
“The only one who’s on my side is Mariko. She tells everyone to behave, and they listen!”
Cecil leaned against the door frame and watched Otoya’s reflection in the mirror. Otoya did not seem to notice his presence. He was scrubbing the last of the spoons, eyes downcast and glued to his soapy hands.
“Especially Kei. He always shuts up when she gets angry. Could it be… ha!”
Cecil could take no more of this. “Otoya.”
“Well, I think it’s—hm? Oh, I’m almost done. Have you picked a game?”
“I do not think the mood is right for a game right now.” Cecil stepped closer, eyeing the stack of clean dishes. Despite Otoya’s protests, Cecil grabbed a drying cloth and began wiping the plates.
“Oh, sure!” Otoya said easily. “Wanna do something else, then? A movie?”
Cecil placed the dry plate a bit too firmly on the clothes rack. “No, Otoya. I… we need to talk about what is wrong.”
“Hm? Nothing’s wrong, though!”
Cecil sighed softly. “Otoya… you barely ate before I reminded you.”
He did not miss Otoya’s minute flinch. “Ah, that?” Otoya scratched his cheek, leaving a trace of soap bubbles. “I was just nervous about the rock climbing, that’s all.”
“Is that truly all?” Cecil stared into Otoya’s eyes in the mirror. “Because, Otoya, I have a feeling something else is troubling you, and it is more serious than your fear of heights.”
“Nah, I’m pretty sure heights are the worst thing in the world for me.” Otoya decidedly turned off the tap and flicked the spoons to remove excess water.
“Otoya…” This time, Cecil pinned his stare on the real Otoya, not his reflection. But the redhead avoided his gaze by looking around, craning his neck this way and that.
“Is there another drying cloth? Let’s finish this quickly.”
“Otoya.”
“And then we can play games, or watch a movie, or anything, really—”
“Nii-san.”
Otoya froze, blinking in disorientation. He still refused to meet Cecil’s eyes. “I… what?”
Cecil sighed. As much as he silently wished for it, addressing Otoya as a brother was an unfortunately rare occurrence. If he became too comfortable calling Otoya “nii-san”, he might slip up and say it around other people who were not aware of their relationship. Besides, Otoya found it awkward. But this was the only way Cecil could think of to get Otoya to listen to him, and he was not above invoking that card.
“Nii-san,” Cecil repeated for good measure. Secretly, he liked saying it, and he wished Otoya would let him call him that more. But that was a discussion for another time. “Something else happened today, right?”
Otoya was silent. He placed the spoon he had been holding on the clothes rack, which now served another purpose to dry dishes. Cecil made a mental note to store the plates and utensils in case Otoya forgot, and Tokiya came home to a pile of plates in the bathroom.
This train of thought was interrupted when Otoya’s shoulders began shaking violently.
Cecil gaped. “Otoya?!”
He reached out a hand, but Otoya roughly wiped his eyes with his forearm. Despite the attempt to cover his face, Cecil noticed his trembling fist.
Slowly, Cecil lowered his hand, veering course to circle Otoya’s wrist. “Let us sit down, okay?”
Silently, he guided Otoya to sit back down on the couch. Otoya followed obediently enough, though he was desperately trying to suppress his sobs. It resulted in choked noises that sent daggers straight to Cecil’s heart.
Once they were both seated, Cecil refilled Otoya’s glass of water. He held the glass close to Otoya so he could reach for it easily, then waited.
“Sorry,” Otoya hissed between ragged breaths.
“Otoya, why are you apologizing…?”
“I just…” Otoya sipped from the offered glass of water and hiccupped slightly. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”
Cecil frowned. He, as well as the rest of ST☆RISH, had repeatedly assured Otoya that they would accept him no matter how upset or broken he was, but it was a long work in progress. “But I want to.”
Otoya had no reply to that. He wiped his tears, but to no avail. They kept wetting his cheeks. Cecil had never seen Otoya cry this much since… well, since they discovered their relationship. Something big must have happened to upset Otoya this much. Cecil was determined not to let Otoya keep it to himself.
“Otoya, I… no. We want to see every part of you. Not just the happy and positive Otoya, but the hurt and angry side, too.” Cecil paused, taking a breath. His next words felt like they carried so much weight. Perhaps they really did. “That is what family is.”
From between Otoya’s fingers that were desperately trying to bring some order to his face, Cecil could spot a small smile. “…Thanks, Cecil.”
“Yes! Anytime,” said Cecil, smiling. Nii-san, his mind added, but he knew he should not get carried away.
“So much for being a cool brother,” Otoya chuckled.
Cecil did not like how self-deprecating he sounded. “You do not have to force yourself to be anything! Just Otoya being my brother makes me happy.”
Otoya leaned back on the sofa, tilting his head to smile at Cecil. He looked much more relaxed now. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” Then, since Otoya seemed ready to breach the subject, “…Did something happen at the orphanage, Otoya?”
Otoya’s eyes dimmed, and cold dread rose from the pits of Cecil’s stomach. So, he had guessed correctly. Though Otoya kept up his regular visits to the orphanage where he grew up, Cecil had not tagged along in a while. Tokiya or Natsuki might have gone with him once or twice in the past couple of months, but everything had seemed fine all this time…
Otoya’s nod was barely perceptible. Cecil gasped softly. “Do you… want to talk about it?”
Otoya turned his head, staring into the distance. Cecil waited for what felt like hours before he spoke up. “Miki got adopted a few weeks ago.”
“Miki?” Cecil’s eyes widened. He remembered her. One of the older girls, who was nearing the age limit for adoption eligibility. She was shy and reserved but very sweet once Cecil got to know her, and like many her age, grew up with “Otoya-nii” teaching them the guitar and soccer.
“Yeah, I saw her off.” Otoya’s voice was too numb for this to be good news the way it should have been. Cecil silently waited for him to continue.
Otoya’s next words were strained. “But when I visited today… There she was, in the living room. Crying and shaking, and…”
The dread had reached Cecil’s chest. If he could, he would rather not hear the story, but he had to. “And?”
“She was covered in bruises…” Otoya croaked out. Cecil’s breath hitched. “She was crying so hard, but she didn’t want anyone to touch her. Cecil, you… you remember Miki. She always wants hugs and head pats, even if she just scraped her knee.”
“She does…” Cecil muttered. Otoya’s breath stuttered again, worsening the pain in Cecil’s heart. “Oh, Otoya…”
Otoya was completely facing away from him now, but Cecil would have none of it. “Otoya, come here.” He gently but firmly pulled Otoya into a side hug, cupping the back of his head and letting him rest on his shoulder. Otoya started sobbing again, each quiet sound tearing into Cecil's heart.
He let Otoya cry it out. Something akin to a sob nearly escaped him, but through a blocked throat, he managed to say, “I am sorry." Cecil rubbed his brother’s rocking shoulders and drew circles on his back. “That is… terrible. Otoya, I am sorry.”
Cecil imagined being in Otoya’s position. He imagined growing up with a sibling he adored, then parted ways with them to chase a happier future. If he came back to see them broken and traumatized, how would he feel…? Frankly, he might not be able to handle it as well as Otoya was doing. Even seeing Otoya like this was difficult.
It was a long moment before Otoya calmed down. Cecil’s sleeve was practically drenched, but he did not care. “Otoya,” his voice was full of pain. “I am sorry that happened.”
Otoya lifted his head, and Cecil was ready with a box of tissues. “You're always so dependable.” Even at times like this, Otoya could still give a light chuckle.
“Not at all…”
Otoya's voice was wet, but he was smiling slightly. “Thanks for hearing me out.”
Cecil stared at Otoya with renewed determination. “Anytime you need, Otoya.” And then, daring to ask further, “Can I… help with something?”
Otoya fidgeted, but at this point, he knew not to refuse. ST☆RISH had repeatedly drilled it into him that he would never be a burden. “I’m visiting again next week.”
“I will go with you,” Cecil said immediately.
Otoya’s eyes were still damp, but they twinkled with amusement. “I haven’t even said when.”
“It does not matter. Tell me when, and I will clear my schedule.”
“Cecil…”
Cecil steeled his gaze. “Otoya, I am not going to let you go through this alone. If you want, you can let the others know, and we can arrange for someone to accompany you every time you visit…”
His voice trailed off, and so was his train of thought as he ran through logistics. Otoya had pulled him into a tight hug.
“…Otoya? Are you feeling alright?”
“Mn,” Otoya’s voice was muffled by Cecil’s shirt. “Much better now.”
“Then, I am glad.”
Otoya could not see Cecil’s serene smile, but he had surely felt it from the way the hug tightened.
“Cecil?”
“Hmm?”
“I’ve said this so much today, but… thank you.”
“You are welcome, nii-san.”
“Oi, Cecil…”
“Now, how about that game?”