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“Fuck shit fuck,” Sohee says, choking on her drink. Coke zero, because she is twenty but looks twelve, and Eunseok just got here. “This place has gone to the dogs. They’re letting anybody in here now. Fuck.”
She’s bright red. She looks cute, in that pretend-careless way, but the crispy ends of her faded pink hair tell Eunseok everything she needs to know.
“What?” Eunseok asks, fiddling with her bag. She shouldn’t have brought it. Sohee just keeps her cell and cash in her sports bra but Eunseok decided against wearing one, and her skirt doesn’t have pockets, so. Whatever. She feels uncomfortable and nervous and she really should get them something to drink soon. The air of the club has dried out her mouth in seconds.
Sohee shakes her head, disappearing further into her glass. Sucks up the rest of the brown liquid in one go, and continues to cough wetly. Eunseok frowns and scans the room.
She spots Sungchan within all of three seconds, because Sungchan happens to be very tall. The tallest. Sohee’s also latest conquest, or something like that. Sohee might be her latest conquest, now that she thinks about it. Eunseok can’t keep up honestly.
“Why is she here? She didn’t say she’d be.”
“Did you tell her you’d be here?”
“No, but—” Sohee fishes out an icecube out of her glass with her fingers. Her nails are short but mainly because she bites them so much. She pops it into her mouth and chews. “No. Quick, say something funny.”
Eunseok sputters, feeling put on the spot. Her bangs are already sticking to her forehead, and her stockings are riding down, so she’s hyper aware of them. She doesn’t know why she put on a skirt. She hates skirts. Her legs look nice in them, that’s what Hani always says, but Eunseok doesn’t even care about that. Besides, Hani isn’t here, because she’s flaky and a bad friend and still kind of in love with Sohee, so it’s weird.
“What? Why?”
Sohee groans, still chewing. Or chewing again. Her glass is almost empty. “You’re useless,” she says. Some water dribbles down her chin and she wipes it away with her sleeve. Eunseok pulls a face and looks back over to Sungchan.
“Can’t we just go up and talk to her?”
“No, you muppet. I’m playing hard to get right now, so. Get me a beer, I’m gonna piss.”
Eunseok doesn’t like the word piss, but she’s given up on bringing that up. Sohee disappears into the gaggle of girls surrounding them, and Eunseok waits for a beat, before doing as she’s told. When she glances back, their table has already been taken over. Super.
She doesn’t hate coming to Milk, per se. The music is loud and a bit too experimental for her tastes, but the crowd has a good energy that kind of sucks you in, and it’s usually a nice time. She makes her way over to the bar and orders a Modelo and a Corona. Then she orders again because the barkeeper doesn’t hear her the first time. Eunseok’s face heats up and she drums her fingers on the scratched-up wooden countertop nervously. It takes her about three years to fish her wallet out of her stupid handbag. It’s a whole ordeal.
“Eunseo!” someone yells in her ear.
“-k,” she says.
It’s Sungchan, looming large. Her breath smells like liquor, which is crazy considering she hasn’t been here long. Or maybe she has, and she’s just mingling. She looks great, as per usual. Luminescent. Eunseok swallows and raises her Corona at her. Actually, she kind of holds both the beers up. Sungchan laughs so hard her eyes crinkle at the sides, facepalming.
“Course, shit, sorry! Hey, good to see you!”
She doesn’t have to yell, not when she’s close enough for Eunseok to see the little dangly thing in the back of her throat. Sungchan smells like a Bath & Body Works, but not in a bad way. She makes Eunseok nervous and Eunseok thinks she knows that.
“Yeah, totally,” she answers, pressing her lips together. She wonders if her lipgloss has muddled in the middle and the corners of her lips. It gets white and stringy and gross. She doesn’t even like wearing lipgloss.
Sungchan leans down to her, which isn’t even that much, because Eunseok’s almost as tall as her, and she’s wearing kitten heels. In this low voice she says, “You look great,” which Eunseok finds really shitty and is probably a lie anyway.
“Thanks,” she says, leaning back a bit. “I should find Sohee.”
At that, Sungchan’s eyes light up. “That little asshole!” she says with about as much excitement as a little girl being told she’s getting a horse for her birthday. Sungchan probably was that little girl at some point. Her cheeks are pale pink, her teeth pearly white. Her lipgloss isn’t white or stringy or gross. She doesn’t look sweaty, either. Eunseok hates her a little bit.
She nods in lieu of an answer and tries to back away—Sungchan pulls her back by the hem of her tee.
“She didn’t even tell me she’d be out tonight!”
Eunseok nods again. “I’m pretty sure she’s out every night. Ha.”
Sungchan actually laughs. Either she’s easily amused or just easy, and if Eunseok were a worse person slash friend, she’d maybe let it get to her. Maybe. But Sungchan isn’t her type, probably. Not that she has a type. Not that it matters, because Sohee likes Sungchan. And she, against popular belief, dents easily.
“You’re so funny! I forgot you were funny! C’mon, I want you to meet my friend!”
Eunseok could do with a backbone. Sungchan kisses three different girls’ cheeks in passing, until they find themselves at a table close to the dance floor.
It’s so loud. Eunseok gulps down half her beer, trying to get a glimpse of Sohee’s spikes, but she’s tiny and the club lights let everyone’s hair look kinda pink. Sungchan gets her attention by stealing Sohee’s beer from Eunseok’s wet hand.
“Eunseok, Wonbin, Wonbin, Eunseok!”
It makes sense she’s yelling now. It’s seriously so loud. Eunseok sets down her beer and wipes her hands on her skirt, before holding the right one out to the girl across from her. Wonbin has a silky black pixie cut and little silver stars on the inner corners of her big eyes.
“Did you draw those on yourself?” she asks.
Wonbin nods. Her hand is cold and a little rough. “I like your glasses.”
Out of instinct, Eunseok pushes them up by scrunching up her nose. She’s pretty sure Wonbin is simply being polite, so she just smiles. Gosh, her eye contact is intense. Where the hell is Sohee?
“So,” Sungchan starts, nursing the Modelo. “Wonbin moved here from Phoenix! Isn’t that so fascinating?!”
Wonbin rolls her eyes, lush lips twisting into a grin. “‘Fascinating’ might be pushing it, man.” She runs a hand through her hair and it falls back into its original shape perfectly. Eunseok has never seen anyone who suits short hair as much as her. Not even Sungchan—her mullet has grown out quite a bit, and she looks like a soccer player or something, but. Wonbin is really pretty. Like, really really really pretty.
“No, um. That’s so cool. How’re you liking LA, then?”
“Ah, you know,” Wonbin laughs, a twinge of discomfort in her voice. She takes a sip from her cocktail, something orange and sweet-looking, most of the brown sugar on its rim licked off. “It’s different back home. More… more laid-back?”
Eunseok nods. Los Angeles can be a lot, especially to newcomers. She’s from Sacramento herself, and even though she’s been here for over two years now, she’s still not quite used to how stuffy the city can feel.
“I’m telling you, give it a month,” Sungchan shouts in her ear, loud enough for Eunseok to make it out. “It’ll love you right back!”
Wonbin shrugs, still looking at Eunseok. “Does Los Angeles love you, Eunseok?” She picks up her glass, tongue darting out of her mouth to collect the remaining crumbs of sugar.
Her eye contact isn’t the only intense thing about her. Eunseok itches to fix her hair, to undo her plaits. She feels childish with them in. She wants to chop off her hair and dye it back to black and—
“Sometimes,” she says. Shrugs. Averts her gaze to look for Sohee.
She spots her this time, so she tiptoes, holding up an arm. She hopes she doesn’t have any sweat stains. Her shirt is a dusty pink, revealing her left shoulder, and it’s tight in all the wrong places. It was this or her oversized I’M NOT LIKE MOST TEENS (I’M IN MY 40s) shirt that she got from the thrift store last spring. Neither seem particularly charming right about now.
As luck would have it, Sohee sees her. Eunseok can see her internal struggle of Sungchan vs. her dignity, but she seems to have given that up a long time ago.
Sungchan, to her credit, seems delighted when Sohee joins them, wearing a sheepish grin. “God, you rotten bitch,” she yells, before kissing her square on the mouth. Both Eunseok and Wonbin startle when Sungchan slips her the tongue, their eyes finding each other once again.
“This is Sohee,” Eunseok offers.
“You know, I couldn’t tell,” Wonbin tells her, sarcasm dripping from her voice like hot honey. She’s a little nasal, like the words slide along the roof of her mouth before they come out. Her eye stars twinkle at Eunseok when she laughs.
Sungchan and Sohee disconnect with a smak loud enough for it to be audible over the music. Sohee looks like she isn’t sure what year it is, lips slick and red, while Sungchan, completely unfazed, goes back to finishing the beer that was meant to be hers.
“Hey, do you smoke?” Eunseok asks before she can change her mind about it. She holds up her crinkled pack of Newport menthols. Wonbin nods eagerly: she finishes her drink, taps Sungchan’s shoulder twice, without waiting for her acknowledgement.
Eunseok pointedly avoids Sohee’s pleading eyes. To ditch or to be ditched.
The air outside is already made up of about 70% cigarette smoke, so Eunseok would be lying if it cleared her head much, but the dip in temperature is enough to calm her down a little. Wonbin is wearing a loose black tank and low sitting jeans, flared at the bottom. A carabiner dangles off her belt loop, not quite in the middle but close, and Eunseok tries to remember what left-leaning meant. She’s never been good at this. Dating, sex, the like.
She offers Wonbin a cigarette and her bic. Her hands are so much bigger than Eunseok’s. Her shoulders are broad, too, almost masculine. Tiny hips, tinier waist, and defined muscles, tight all over. In total juxtaposition to her face, which is soft and feminine and currently scrunched up in distress.
“Help me…” she pouts, bunny teeth gritting around the stick. Eunseok chuckles and takes the lighter back from her.
She’s barely inhaled her first drag when she starts coughing profusely, facing away from Eunseok, body convulsing. Eunseok laughs, her own cigarette still hanging from her lips, unlit. “Are you okay?”
A gust of air blows up her skirt. Wonbin looks at her through her lashes, eyes watering.
“I lied.”
“I figured about as much.”
She reaches for the cigarette, sticking her own behind her ear, but Wonbin shakes her head. “No, I wanna try. I’ve been meaning to pick up smoking.”
“Fair enough,” Eunseok says.
They smoke in silence for a moment, just listening to the conversations around them. Some girl named Steph just cheated on her girlfriend Coby. Eunseok wonders when she’ll get tired of other people’s drama. Nothing exciting ever happens to her. Her last girlfriend was Toni, and they split amicably. They still co-host a bookclub every second Wednesday of the month.
“I’m curious about you, you know,” quips Wonbin suddenly, voice gravelly. She clears her throat and takes another drag, as if to prove to Eunseok that she’s serious about this. “From your look, you seem like a kindergarten teacher. Like, I wouldn’t have pegged you for a smoker.”
Eunseok gives her an aghast look. Then she realizes she can’t really blame her. Her skirt has polka dots on it. She’s essentially wearing pigtails. She looks like the drag version of Tommy february6.
“Yeah, uh, no. I work in IT. Nerd alert, I know.”
When she looks at Wonbin, she’s smiling, encouraging her to go on. Eunseok’s brain buffers. She has so many ear piercings. She might be the coolest person in all of LA. Even cooler than Hani.
“There really isn’t much more,” she continues. Half-heartedly adds: “Shucks. I knew I should’ve worn pants.”
Wonbin snorts, shaking her head slightly. She seems to have taken a liking to the cigarette thing. She looks clumsy with it, obviously lacking practice, but she’s stopped looking grossed out. “Nah,” she says, dragging the ah. “You look hot.”
Eunseok doesn’t feel that hot. In fact, she feels like she might die from anxiety. The nicotine isn’t doing much to help.
“Thanks,” she says.
Wonbin nods, ash raining to the pavement.
“How about you? You here for a job?”
“Oh, no, um. Just needed a change of scenery, I suppose. I got a gig at Mervyn’s, though, so that’s… yeah. Temporary, of course.”
Eunseok hums. “So you don’t have any plans? Visions?”
After looking around for a second, Wonbin spots the ashtray next to the door. The ground is littered with lipstick-smeared cigarette buds, but Eunseok follows her dutifully anyway. Wonbin lets out a long breath, shaking her hands.
“I feel dizzy. Is it normal that I feel dizzy?”
“Very normal.”
She nods, more to herself. “Nope, no visions. I didn’t do the whole college thing. I think this might sound really sad if I say it out loud, but I don’t think I’m meant for greatness.”
“It sounds a little sad,” Eunseok jokes and Wonbin rolls her eyes at her, before she winces, holding her hands up to hold her head. “You okay?” Eunseok asks. She nods, looking embarrassed.
“You wanna go back in? Hold on, I’ll just get you some water. You good with tap?”
“Eunseok, really, I’m okay,” Wonbin giggles, arms falling back to her sides. “You’re, like, totally momming me.”
“I’m not momming you. I’m being a good samaritan, is all. Besides, if you die on my watch, I don’t doubt Sungchan’ll turn me into tartare or something.”
The light of the Milk neon sign reflects off Wonbin’s shiny hair like a halo. She’s seriously so fucking beautiful. Eunseok rummages through her bag for a stick of gum, and it takes forever, just because she’s unable to keep her eyes off her for more than a couple seconds at a time.
Wonbin raises her brows at her expectantly. Scoffs, when Eunseok offers her half of it. “Sure,” she mumbles. “And Sungchan likes you, so I don’t think that’s true.”
She chews with her mouth open. Eunseok would laugh with more fervor, if she could process any word coming out of those lips a little faster.
“She forgets my name, like, all the time.”
“Mindgames, man. Don’t worry about it.”
Eunseok wasn’t worrying about it. And she isn’t now. Sungchan is hot and all, but she’s too much of a whirlwind. The bad kind of whirlwind, like she enjoys messing you up and leaving you out to dry. Eunseok would probably kind of enjoy being friends with her, were she to stop flirting with her.
“I don’t like mindgames,” she says, zipping her bag up again. She should probably reapply her lipgloss. Or wipe it off entirely. Or have Wonbin—
“That’s good,” Wonbin says. She takes the end of Eunseok’s left braid in between her fingers. Twirls it around for a second before letting it drop back against her chest. “Because I’d really like to take you out sometime.”
Oh. Okay. Eunseok flushes. Yay.
Eunseok pushes up her glasses with her palm, her mount of saturn. “What, like, dinner and a movie?” Because she can’t help but be a little contrarian even in the face of the sexiest woman on the planet asking her out.
“If you’re into that sorta thing,” Wonbin shrugs, not wavering in her confidence.
She has another star, Eunseok notices. On a dainty silver chain around her neck. She doesn’t believe for a second that someone like Wonbin wouldn’t be meant for greatness.
She swallows. Her gum is already losing flavor.
“Uh. Yeah, okay. I am. Into that.”
“Great,” Wonbin smiles. She nods in the direction of the club. Holds out her opened hand for Eunseok. Says the one thing Eunseok was hoping for her not to say: “Dance with me?”
And well. Eunseok prefers Tegan and Sara and swaying awkwardly in the corner of the room. If she can help it, she avoids the dance floor like the freaking plague. Again, she could really do with a backbone. But with Wonbin looking at her like this, the city twinkling in her eyes… it really does love you back, once you let it.
Eunseok puts her hand in hers.