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It was a simple act, but to Shu Yi it might as well have been a full circus performance. Surely done for show, purely for entertainment purposes with no true emotional connection. And he was the star of this circus performance - the clown.
He didn't need to look around the office to know all eyes were on him. On his foot to be exact. Or, to be more precise, all eyes were on the person that was kneeling by his foot, tying his shoe.
The moment it happened, a collective gasp could be heard from the entire viewing party- the entire floor of employees. Who does such an act in the middle of a company? Certainly not in the middle of the floor. Most definitely not when the shoe belongs to someone else, or that of your boss.
Yet, here it is, happening right before Shu Yi’s eyes, and he's frozen, part in disbelief and part in disgust. As Gao Shide stands back up, Shu Yi lets go of the breath he's been silently holding.
And comes to his senses.
The nerve of this guy!
He grabs his wrist and leads them to his office, slamming the door so they have privacy.
“Are you mad?”
Shu Yi has never been loud with Gao Shide, and controlling his anger at this moment is causing him to tremble, amongst other things. His eyes want to blur, his head is pounding, even his ears must be failing him because he thinks he hears Gao Shide say “I'm trying to win you back.”
Shu Yi seethes as he realizes Gao Shide is serious. After all he has done to him, does he really think a few nice words and a public gesture or two can make up for pain? How dare he reduce his love, what is left of it, to this … this act Gao Shide is putting on?
Shu Yi pushes him down on the desk.
“Fine.. if you're serious…”
Shu Yis intention is to place his hand on the side of his face, to mock the desire that used to flow freely between them.
You want to put on a show? I can do the same.
Shu Yi is fully ready to commit to whatever he needs to do to finish the masquerade once and for all. The struggle for composure comes only when he sees Gao Shide’s eyes flutter and his chest heave with a sudden breath.
Reminiscent of a different time. A different place. When feelings were fresh. When gentle touches brought about comfort.
“There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.”
Those words…not again.
Shu Yi backs up, and Gao Shide follows forward. To an outsider this could have been a practiced dance. One body answering to the other's. But to Shu Yi, it's an invasion of his heart, more than his space. Something he vowed to seal away, so as to never experience the heartache he once felt.
“There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.”
Again, with the act!
Before Shu Yi could form his next verbal attack, he watches Gao Shide’s fingers go to his own shirt buttons. Shu Yi realizes his plan is faltering with each silent flick. One by one, like arrows to his wounded heart.
I will not fall for your tricks again!
“Are you mad?!”
This time Shu Yi raises his voice enough to give Gao Shide pause, and it allows Shu Yi time to think.
“There is nothing you wouldn't do for me? Ha! There's nothing I would do for you.”
Shu Yi emphasizes the last 3 words for added sting. They feel hot coming off of Shu Yi's tongue, and he sees their effects in Gao Shide’s eyes. He knows that look, because he's seen it in his own reflection.
Fine he thinks. Let him experience a little taste of the same rejection that was given to me.
He storms out, leaving Gao Shide alone in the wake of his anger, secretly hoping he feels the full effect of his words.
Even later that night, he still replays the words over in his head.
There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.
He doesn't have the energy to stop his mind from traveling back to a certain date before Gao Shide left for America.
There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.
He had heard Gao Shide say it that special night, and he believed it with all his being. He had hung all his hope on the words - those words that now feel like poison to his soul.
But if it's poison, why does he still allow himself to remember? Why is it he looks towards the closet at a box that held their future together with braided threads?
If it's poison, why does it still offer hope and happiness?
If it's poison then why is he craving those words to be true once again?