Chapter Text
For someone who had been dying for most of her life, Shen Yuan thought she would be a bit better at this whole ‘shuffling off this mortal coil’ business. Alas, the truth of it was not nearly as romantic as she hoped. If she had hands in this never-ending void of null-space she would have used them to cover her face in shame. Dear god, a bun? She died choking on a bun?!? After 8 surgeries, physio from hell and surviving daily life in a body that desperately wanted to fall apart, a steamed bun was the thing that took her out? Well- it wasn't just the bun, her rage at that stupid fucking ending that dumbfuck author thought counted as any sort of closer could have killed her 10 times over if she thought about. Maybe it would have been better if she had given into her first instinct and punched her computer screen when she saw how that hack massacred any hope of a satisfying conclusion. She swore she blacked out for a full minute after reading the final chapter; that smug “The End…?” hit like a nailgun to the skull. With this luck though she probably would have just been electrocuted or something if she tried.
Well, Shen Yuan supposed she could count her blessings. If she weren't already dead, her sister would kill her. Actually, both of her sisters would- with mallets. But her second sister in particular would make it hurt. Aw fuck, she hoped neither of her sisters found her. Or her little brother, that’d be traumatizing. Not that it wouldn't be traumatizing for her sisters, but-
[Activation code: “Dumbfuck author, dumbfuck novel.” System automatically triggered.]
An artificial voice bellowed so loud it seemed to fill the entire void- for a moment Shen Yuan was sure she could taste it. After the faux ringing and color blue faded, she squinted (or maybe just thought really hard about narrowing her absent eyelids).
“Hello?” Unlike the mechanical voice, any sound she made was quickly swallowed by heavy darkness.
[Critical error detected. Running diagnostics:
Rerouting…
Rerouting…]
“System? Hello?” Shen Yuan felt phantom nausea crawl up the centre of her being. While the voice was shocking, the mention of something being wrong made her want to curl up into herself. She felt very small. After an eternity of waiting, three quiet chimes (an apology for excessive volume?) rippled around Shen Yuan like she was a pebble thrown into a pond.
[Error info collected.
Program “TRY.2” initiated.
Program “TRY.2” failed.
Backup protocol initiated.
Hello User 2.0! Welcome to the System! Due to an unfortunate error, “TRY.2” is no longer available. Not to worry! Our goal is to help you fulfill your wish to transform a stupid work into a magnificent, high-quality, first-rate classic and your desires are our priority. We hope you enjoy!]
Before Shen Yuan could think, she was promptly de-boned, set on fire and tenderized with 1000 baseball bats. She wanted to throw up. Or die (again).
“F u u u ccccck mewithachaaaainsawwww” she slurred. The cheerful blue confetti littering her vision was like an icepick to the brain. Closing her eyes (they were open?) didn't help, it just turned the confetti into static.
There was a muffled… something. A question maybe? But her ears didn't work. She was choking again, it was hard to get the right rhythm after not needing to breathe for so long and adrenaline popped her eyes back open. Someone was rubbing her back.
“Put me back in the void” she rasped. There was a sigh and the figure hovering over her coagulated into someone with a pinched frown.
“Shijie, can you hear me? You’ve had quite a bad qi deviation, you need to lay down and rest now.” Despite her obvious displeasure, her hands were very gentle as she lay Shen Yuan back down. The nurse (?) was not wearing scrubs, but a neat and tidy robe with sleeves tied up with string. The nurse couldn't have been older than 17.
“Wha? Wha?” Shen Yuan’s brain felt full of stuffing and with a fully functioning endocrine system the impending mental breakdown that had been hovering since she died was well and truly on its way. She tried to push herself up to see more of her surroundings but her arms just spasmed sadly. This might have caused a tiny crying fit, but Shen Yuan didn't think anyone would truly hold it against her. The medic’s fingers were very cold when they brushed her forehead. She must have done something because within a heartbeat cool relief bubbled up from the crown of Shen Yuan’s head and washed darkness over her.
Shen Yuan woke up sticky and nauseous. It was an unfortunately familiar situation; hospital environments did not make for the best mornings no matter how sweet the nurses were with morphine. And whoooooo boy these nurses were not holding out on the good stuff. It took two minutes of painless bliss to realize that the girl holding her right hand was in fact, talking to her.
“-was such a bitch to A-Cui, Shifu knows that A-Cui’s better on the flute than the guqin and that dried-up bag still forced her to do 3 laps after class. Over like, 2 missing notes.”
A girl to Shen Yuan’s left was tearfully nodding. A cold sweat prickled down her spine.
“That seems…excessive?” She tried. The explosive noises of assent seemed to imply Shen Yuan picked the right choice, but she was not enjoying this game of improv.
The girl to her right sighed. “You’ve been gone so long Shijie…and Sect Leader is still with Shuzin on the mountain…” The mood seemed solemn so Shen Yuan made some humming noises she hoped didn't sound constipated.
“Have you heard anything on your end? Anything on Qian Cao?” The girl's voice was soft but her grip was surprisingly tight. Shen Yuan slowly shook her head. The words ‘Qian Cao’ rang in her ears.
“I’ve been pretty… out of it. Sorry.” The girls deflated.
The one Shen Yuan thought was A-Cui muttered “Someone should probably go…check that the Sect Leader isn't dead.” Her voice trailed off into a whisper. Both girls turned their hopeful gaze to Shen Yuan which seemed like a bit much to ask of their bed-bound Shijie.
‘System?’ Shen Yuan threw out a plea into the void. There was a sweaty pause, then piercing blue bloomed across her vision.
[The System was successfully activated! Bound Role: Luo Binghe’s bully, Qing Jing Peak’s Head Disciple, “Ming Fan.” Weapon: Yin Huan. Starting B-Points: 150.】
Ah. Well, if the mention of ‘Qian Cao’ Peak didn't confirm this was the world of Proud Immortal Demoness Way then ‘Luo Binghe’ most certainly did. Fuck.
A groan crawled its way up from wherever Shen Yuan’s last hope went to die.
“Shijie, does your head hurt?”
“Ming-shijie, are you alright?”
The ant pit, oh god, the ant pit…
Shen Yuan had a little freak out while her minions panicked. She had minions now. Flunkies even. ‘Bully to teen protagonist’ was a wild career change from ‘unemployed college drop out’. Hysterical laughter was bubbling up from somewhere that hurt and she was afraid to open her mouth.
It was then that the nurse from yesterday barrelled into the room. She gave a professional sniff, which was quite funny to see on a face that still had some baby fat.
“This one must ask all guests to leave now.”
There were a few tisks and scoffs but the lackeys took their leave relatively quickly. Shen Yuan was busy coming to terms with her upcoming fated death, and the fact that these fingers were definitely not her fingers, this skin was not her skin, the blood running through her veins did not belong to her, she stole it from a child, from a very mean child, who's dead, which she also is, but not anymore, not yet-
There was a sharp crack and the overwhelming smell of sulphur.
Shen Yuan tried not to gag and the medic seemed a bit smug as she took the small tin away from her nose. She tapped the tin one more time on the side of the bed to settle whatever vile concoction she had stored in it, then sat in the chair one of Shen Yuan’s flunkies had just vacated.
“Do you know your name?”
“...Ming Fan.” she whispered.
“Where you are?”
“Qian Cao Peak.”
Shen Yuan pulled the blanket further up her legs with one hand while the medic perfunctorily took her other wrist.
The feeling of foreign qi flowing through her meridians had an almost antiseptic like quality and made her quiver and feel the need to sneeze. The qi that traced through Shen Yuan's new circulatory system burned at first but left a warm afterglow.
“Unbalanced, but manageable. It’s a miracle Shijie didn't fry her meridians.”
The familiar acidic tone made her lower her eyes automatically. This wasn't her first rodeo, as a third sibling Shen Yuan knew that it was sometimes best for them to just get the venom out of their system before trying to defend yourself. Thankfully, after a few more pointed comments the verbal flaying came to a close. After shaking her head, the nurse's tone softened to a disappointed murmur.
“I don't know what you were thinking.”
Shen Yuan bowed her head. She didn't know what Ming Fan had been thinking either!
“This one apologizes for worrying Shimei.” She really was sorry! The poor girl looked like she was 14 hours into a 12 hour shift and up close it showed. When she pierced her lips, it kind of made the nurse look like a sleep-deprived chipmunk.
“Shijie needs rest. And absolutely no strenuous cultivating for at least a month, your meridians are still prone to collapse if you over-stress them.”
Scary! Scary!
‘System, what in the hell was Ming Fan doing to get collapsible veins?!?’ Shen Yuan cried.
[Records indicate that the qi deviation responsible for availability of character file ‘Ming Fan’ for external use was brought about by characters’ effort to live up to their recently acquired title of ‘Head Disciple’.]
So she basically died of overwork? That's scary! That's so scary! Shen Yuan shivered, and the nurse seemed content in her efforts to scare the bejesus out of her patient.
“When you’re well enough to return to your peak, we’ll prescribe tea that must be drunk twice daily to strengthen the veins. Now, are there any other symptoms you’d want to discuss?”
After sending out an unanswered query to the system, Shen Yuan slowly nodded her head. She scratched her cheek and looked up at the nurse through her lashes.
“Well… there might be some…memory loss?”