Chapter Text
Noya added Suga, Hinata, Kenma, Akaashi, Suna, Atsumu, Oikawa, Shirabu, Yamaguchi, Yaku, and Tendou to the chat.
Noya has changed the chat name to HELP I’m gay and have feelings
3:53pm
Kenma: I take offense to this group name and I’m suing for slander and defamation
Atsumu: ..damn. New chat and there’s already threat of legal action.
Akaashi: Kenma, you are gay and have feelings
Kenma: No I don’t? What’s a feeling? I’ve never had one ever
Akaashi: I literally just listened to you wax poetic about Kuroo’s smile less than 24 hours ago
Atsumu: Gay
Kenma: The fuck no I didn’t
Akasshi: You literally said, and I quote “I would choose him as my player 2 in every game”
Hinata: Holy shit
Atsumu: That’s basically a marriage proposal from Kenma
Kenma: Akaashi
You’re dead to me
Akaashi: Love you too
Noya: Ok, so I have gathered us all here today for one reason
To thirst over the men we’re in love with who probably don’t love us back
Suga: I hate that I’m involved but honored to be invited
Shirabu: I hate it here already
Suna: samesies
Atsumu: WAIT
That means I have to witness Suna thirst over Samu
Fuck I’m gonna vomit
Suna: fuck you tsumu
at least I don’t have a journal with “Omi-Omi” scribbled all over it in rainbow gel pen
Oikawa: Gay
Atsumu: YOU FUCKING TRAITOR YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN’T TELL
Suna: sucks to suck
Noya: Ok, who is hopelessly in love with who?
I’m in love with Asahi
Suga: Daichi
Hinata: Kags
Oikawa: My Iwa-chan who will never love me
Kenma: That’s rough buddy
Ugh
Kuroo
Akaashi: Bokuto
Atsumu: Sakusa
Suna: Osamu
Atsumu: Disgusting
Suna: shut
Shirabu: Semi
Tendou: Ushi
Oikawa: Disgusting
Tendou: Bitch
Yaku: Lev
Unfortunately
Yamaguchi: Tsukki
Suga: Do any of us actually have a shot with them?
Shirabu: Eh probably not, but a man can dream
Tendou: *wet dream
Shirabu: Disgusting
Tendou: Truth hurts Shirabooboo
Shirabu: Ew
Get away from me
Tendou: Never
Akaashi: I can tell this is going to be a trainwreck
And honestly
I’m here for it
Yamaguchi: Same
—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6:03pm
Yamaguchi: So..
How is everyone this evening?
Shirabu: Terrible
Thanks for asking
Yamaguchi: Oh thank god
I thought it was just me
Suga: Everything ok?
Shirabu: No
Yamaguchi: Not really?
Hiinata: Guys! Tell us what’s wrong
Shirabu: No
Hinata: Please?
Shirabu: No
Hinata: Pretty please with a cherry on top?
Shirabu:…
Fuck
Ok fine
Atsumu: I’m wrapped in a blanket burrito so I’m ready
Akaashi: Congrats?
Atsumu: Thanks babe!
Shirabu: Ugh so
I have my ER rotation in like a week
And obviously I’m stressing the hell out
Suga: Understandable
Shirabu: So I’m texting Semi about it
Because he knows how to calm me down
Which is both annoying and gives me heart palpitations
But in a good way
Akaashi: Understandable
Shirabu: So he sends me a song he’s working on as a distraction
And it’s a FUCKING LOVE SONG
Atsumu: Oh shit
Shirabu: And it’s beautiful because anything Semi writes is beautiful
Oikawa: Careful
Your gay is showing
Shirabu: Stfu
But anyway
Now I’m sitting here thinking about him and how much I want him to write love songs about me
Yaku: Aw Shirabu I’m sorry
But I kinda get what you mean
Lev had a red carpet event recently and had to take a date
And all I wanted was to punch her so he could wrap his arm around my waist instead
Suga: I also get it
Daichi just got his first K9 partner and he keeps sending me snaps of them on patrol and his smile is just
Ugh
I love him so much and I want him to smile at ME like that
Atsumu: Damn…we all have it bad don’t we
Yaku: Unfortunately
Kenma: Sadly
Akaashi: ^^
Hinata: I’m sorry Shirabu
Shirabu: Its ok Hinata, but I appreciate it
I just wish I could hold his hand and kiss him backstage after a show instead of having to give a bro hug and pretend I don’t want him to ravish me in his dressing room
Tendou: That went from wholesome to horny so quick
Yamachi: I wish I could affectionately tackle Tsukki after a good game
Hinata: I wish I could kiss Kags stupid face after a good toss
Even though he’s on the other team
Atsumu: I would give anything touch Omi for more than a second at a time
Oikawa: Damn y’all are sad
Atsumu: Y’all
Tendou: Y’all
Akaashi: Weren’t you the one complaining about how Iwaizumi doesn’t love you so you’re gonna throw yourself off your balcony?
Oikawa: I have no idea what you’re talking about
Kenma: Loser
Oikawa: Stop bullying me
Suga: No
Oikawa: This is a hate crime
You’re all homophobic
Atsumu: Oh ho ho
Kawa breaking out the big boy words
Oikawa: Tsumu I will dye your hair pink in your sleep
Atsumu: Time to get new locks
Oikawa: That won’t save you
You have no idea what I’m capable of
Atsumu: HELP
Hinata: I think you would look great with pink hair Tsum Tsum!
Atsumu: Thanks Shoyo!
If our crushes reject us we should just marry each other
Oikawa: Hey!
Back off bitch
I already claimed Hinata
He’s my Brazilian lover
Kenma: Actually Shoyo is going to marry me and we’re going to push our Minecraft beds together
Yamaguchi: I think the fuck not
Shoyo and I are gonna get married and stare longingly at our tall, emotionally constipated men
And maybe make out a little
Hinata: Wow its exhausting being so desired
Yaku: Pffttt
Tendou: This went from “our crushes don’t love us” to “No IM gonna marry Hinata” so fast
Noya: Actually all of you are wrong
Shoyo and I are gonna get married in Vegas and travel the states in a van
We’ll become vantubers
Shirabu: And we have completely lost the plot
Suna: Wow I mute this chat for like two hours and come back to people fighting over Hinata
As if Shirabu didn’t just bear his soul
Shirabu: Don’t have one to bear but go off I guess
Tendou: Do you need a hug?
Shirabu:….
Yes
Tendou: Omw bb
Akaashi: I can also swing by
Hinata: I can’t swing by but I can FaceTime you!
Kenma: I have to stream in like an hour but I can join the call for a bit
Shirabu:…thanks guys
Suga: Yams you ok?
Yamaguchi: Not really
But I will be
Hinata: What happened?
Yamaguchi: Tsukki and I were getting lunch and we saw this woman with a super cute dog
Atsumu: What kind?
Yamaguchi: I don’t know, but she was medium sized with a big smile and her tail wouldn’t stop wagging
Yaku: That’s a damn good dog
Yamaguchi: I know, she was perfect
And Tsukki was smiling at her while petting her and..
It was just so..soft
And I realized that he would never smile at me like that
Suga: Oh honey…
Hinata: I’m adding you to the call
Atsumu: I’m also joining!
Suga: Me too
Oikawa: You better add me too
Suna: I’ll join
Noya: Me too!
Yamaguchi: Thanks guys <3