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WAGs and Proud 🏳️🌈
Harris: Hey boys! I hope you’ll forgive me for this
Kip: ???
Harris added Ilya to the chat
Ilya: Hello my fellow WAGs!!
Kip: 👀
Kyle: Wait did someone else come out?
Archie: hey Ilya!!
Ilya: Hello Archie!
Ilya added Shane to the chat
Shane left the chat
Ilya added Shane to the chat
Shane left the chat
Harris: omg guys stop these notifications are so annoying
Ilya added Shane to the chat
Shane: Hi guys, this is Shane Hollander. I’m sorry, I know we’re not really WAGs. If you’d rather we leave, we can. I wouldn’t want to intrude.
Kip: Huh, I’ve never thought about it, but I guess you are WAGs!
Kip: Oh this is Kip by the way
Kyle: Kyle 👋
Kip: Well, welcome! No need to leave Shane. We mostly use this chat to talk about things we can’t discuss with the other WAGs
Kyle: aka Kip uses it to complain about the other WAGs
Kip: Not true!!
Kip: and lately Harris has been complaining more than me
Ilya: What? About who? Who do I need to fight?
Harris: No one!
Shane: Please just tell him, he’s gonna waste the whole day frantically scrolling up if you don’t
Harris: Holmberg’s new girlfriend has just been…a lot. But it’s fine!
Ilya: Is she homophobic? I will talk to her
Harris: omg Ilya don’t
Harris: She’s not homophobic, she’s just really desperate for me to post her on the team social media page
Shane: Why would you do that?
Harris: EXACTLY
Harris: I don’t even post MYSELF on it
Archie: She’s always trying to get me to post pictures of her too 😬
Ilya: ugh
Shane: Wait Holmberg has a girlfriend?
Harris: Yeah, they haven’t been together too long
Ilya: You met her at Bood’s last barbecue. The woman who called you Sean
Kyle: What a charmer
Ilya: I will talk to Holmberg and tell him to stop dating annoying women. His last girlfriend was annoying too
Harris: Please don’t
Shane: Ilya you can’t do that
Ilya: Why not?
Shane: Because I know how much it sucks when people tell you to date someone less annoying
Kyle: lmaooo
Kip: 😂
Archie: 💀
Ilya: Is Fabian in here?
Harris: He is, but he’s not active. He doesn’t really identify as a WAG. We tag him in sometimes though when it’s relevant
Harris: Otherwise, it's just me, Kip, Kyle, Archie, and now you guys. Baldwin's divorced and Lundin's boyfriend doesn't "do" group chats, whatever that means
Kip: I mean technically Fabian's not a WAG since Ryan doesn’t play anymore
Kyle: Hey!!
Kip: Sorry. You’re a WAG in our hearts
Kyle: I better be. I spend way too much time around aggressively straight NHL players to lose that badge of honor
Ilya: @Fabian hello. I have a question for you
Fabian: What’s up?
Ilya: Your new song is very good. Is it about rimming?
Fabian: 😳
Shane: Oh my god Ilya I can’t believe you brought this to the group chat
Ilya: I say yes. Shane says no.
Harris: I’ve been listening all day, it’s really good Fabian!
Fabian: Thank you so much!
Ilya: And Harris?
Harris: And what?
Ilya: You agree the song is about rimming, yes?
Harris: Yeah I could see that
Shane: It’s about a road trip
Harris: I think it has a deeper meaning than that
Ilya: The deeper meaning is rimming
Archie: I thought it was about sex, not rimming specifically, but sure
Kyle: Okay I hadn’t listened yet but we’re playing it over the bar speakers now and it’s totally about rimming. Kip’s helping a customer but he agrees. Or at least he nodded at me which I think means he agrees
Kyle: Shane you really don’t see it?
Ilya: Shane does not listen to music so this is a lot for him
Kyle: Wait really? What do you listen to when you run?
Shane: I just run
Kyle: that’s insane
Harris: I’ve seen him work out with no headphones. It’s frightening
Harris: also I think I scared Troy by asking him if he thinks the song is about rimming 😂 he only listened to EDM before he met me
Kyle: ew
Archie: that’s maybe worse than not listening to music at all
Harris: I know!!
Fabian: Okay I’m so obsessed with all your interpretations lol. It’s really whatever you make of it though!
Ilya: As long as what we make of it is rimming. Got it
Shane: 🙄
Kip: BAGs
Harris: Veto
Kyle: No
Archie: I feel like the wives would be offended by the loss of W
Kip: ugh probably yeah
Ilya: What is happening
Kip: Oh, we have a running game where we try to think of a more inclusive term for WAG
Ilya: I see
Ilya: BAGs is terrible
Kip: Gee thanks
Kyle: It doesn’t even apply to you Kip. You’re an H
Kip: Oh right. But most of you are boyfriends!
Harris: Hopefully not for long 👀
Ilya: HARRIS!!
Kip: omg what?!
Archie: 👀👀👀!!!
Harris: idk for sure!! No one freak out yet
Shane: Too late, Ilya’s freaking out. He’s already looking up engagement gifts
Harris: Troy has just been acting kind of weird lately and he asked if I want to go to the spa resort in Quebec where we stayed on our second date so…👀
Ilya: I will watch Chiron while you are gone!
Harris: Oh that’d be great, thanks! I was gonna ask my sister
Ilya: No, no need. He will have sleepover with Anya and I will get him fitted for wedding tux
Harris: omg please don’t jump the gun. It could just be a vacation! He knows I desperately need one so maybe it’s just that. I’m getting ahead of myself I think.
Harris: Besides it’s probably too obvious if he proposes there right? Since it's the first date he took me on? Like it’s supposed to be a surprise
Kip: Wait, hold on
Kip: First of all, shut up, he’s proposing
Archie: ^^^
Kip: Second of all, did you say the FIRST date this man ever took you on was staying at a spa resort?!
Harris: yes lol
Kip: Wow
Kyle: Daaaamn. I can’t believe some guy in his twenties is out sugar daddying Eric
Harris: 😂😂
Ilya: Good. Only the best for you Harris or I will kill him
Harris: Aww. Thanks I think
Archie: Meanwhile Luca took me to in n out for our first date 💀
Kip: Luca nooo
Kyle: Kids these days
Archie: To be fair, he didn’t know it was a date. He thought we were just getting “friendly burgers”
Kyle: wtf is a friendly burger?
Archie: I don’t know, it wasn’t very friendly by the end though lmao
Ilya: Poor Luca is clueless. I told him to sleep with you when you were in Montreal a month before the California game but he would not listen
Ilya: Said he didn’t want to “ruin the friendship”. What does this mean? I used to sleep with my best friend. Didn’t ruin anything. Who cares?
Kip: A lot of people I think lol
Archie: Thanks for trying I guess, but I’m happy it happened when it did!
Harris: awww
Shane: I don’t think you can say that like it’s a typical experience, Ilya
Ilya: Is for you. You used to sleep with Rose Landry. Now she is your best friend
Shane: Yeah and you weren’t happy about that fact for at least 3 years
Ilya: Yes, because you left me to sleep with her. Is different
Archie: oh shit
Kip: Whoa
Kyle: You guys make Scott and Kip’s epic love story look like a short film
Kip: Hey!!
Kip: Okay, it’s been hours. Do we think they’ve killed each other?
Harris: Either that or they’re having sex. Or both at the same time, most likely
Kyle: My bet is sex
Archie: I’m team murder
Ilya: Don’t worry, we are alive 😏
Kip: I just did an interview with people magazine…
Kyle: okay gay icon!!
Harris: Nice!
Kip: Yeah that’s not the headline here
Kyle: uh oh
Kip: Tell me why the interviewer asked me if I’m a top or bottom…
Kyle: Of course 🙄
Harris: Ewww
Ilya: I have been asked this too
Kip: What did you say?
Harris: The fact that you don’t know means my damage control worked 😎
Ilya: I said “what do you think? Is obvious, yes?”
Shane: That sure was a fun day
Archie: lmao
Kyle: pleaaase…you’re not wrong though
Ilya: See Shane!!
Shane: That doesn’t mean you had to say it to the press
Harris: What did you say, Kip?
Kip: I just laughed awkwardly for like forty-five seconds
Kip: It didn’t really feel like the right platform to get on my soap box about how some of us are fucking verse lol
Harris: Was it recorded or print?
Kip: Print thank god
Harris: Good. You should definitely tell your publicist though
Kip: I would if I had one lol
Harris: WHAT?
Harris: @Fabian please tag in to yell at him
Fabian: Jesus, yeah. You need a publicist
Fabian: And I get asked if I’m a top or bottom once a month at least
Harris: Straight people are relentless
Shane: I can put you in touch with our publicist, Kip. She’s really good
Ilya: Yes we have a new one who is the best. The old one was annoying
Archie: How so?
Shane: We got a request from men’s health magazine and she said whoever was the “man” of the relationship should take it
Archie: 🤢
Kip: What the hell?
Kyle: …I hate everything always
Kip: And thanks, that’s nice of you, but I doubt I’d be able to afford your publicist
Ilya: Did you divorce Scott?
Kip: What? No, of course not
Ilya: Then you can afford her. New York pays him a lot. Too much.
Kyle: Oh don’t get him started. He doesn’t let Scott pay for ANYTHING
Ilya: You should. Hunter is very boring, he has nothing else to spend his money on
Shane: Ilya.
Ilya: What? Is true
Kyle: He’s kinda right. I love the guy but it’s not like he has expensive taste
Kyle: One time I ran into him at stop and shop and that man was studying a coupon book like it was the bible. He gave me a BOGO coupon for limes though
Kip: I don’t want to use him as an ATM
Kyle: Give me his card then, I’ll run it up for you
Harris: 😂
Archie: 💀
Harris: Okay, but counterpoint: you wouldn’t NEED a publicist if you weren’t married to Scott
Fabian: ^^ this though
Kip: Does Troy pay for your publicist?
Harris: lol I don’t need a publicist. I’m not one half of the first husbands of hockey
Ilya: Rude! Me and Shane are the first husbands of hockey!!
Shane: I think Scott’s more than earned the title
Ilya: Fine. We are hottest husbands of hockey though
Kip: Absolutely not
Harris: I hope you know we’re bullying you til you hire a publicist Kip
Ilya: Yes, I just emailed ours and told her to work with you
Kip: ugh fine (and thank you)
Ilya: LOOK what a fan gave me after our game last night!!
Ilya: [image attached, tap to download]
Kyle: Wait what is it?
Ilya: A bow for Anya! Will look so pretty on her
Kip: That’s adorable
Kyle: Ohh okay I thought it was a bowtie or something lol. So cute!
Archie: omg the bi pride colors! I love that
Archie: my dog has a bi pride bandana that Luca got him
Archie: [image attached, tap to download]
Ilya: SO cute!!
Ilya: Are you bisexual or the dog?
Archie: both
Ilya: Nice!!!
Kyle: Can dogs have sexualities?
Ilya: Yes. Anya is a lesbian
Shane: No she’s not. We’ve been over this
Ilya: Yes and you are wrong. She is a lesbian. No boys for her!
Harris: Wow you don’t even have human kids and you’re already a girl dad
Kip: Bad luck tonight boys! Have fun out there and lose so hard!!
Kyle: Forgive Kip, he gets to a level 3000 WAG when he’s tipsy and Scott's on the road
Harris: You’re outnumbered by Centaurs WAGs here, Kip. Good luck Shane and Ilya!
Kip: boooooo
Archie: good luck Shane and Ilya! ugh my shoot is running long, can someone tell me if Luca scores?
Harris: Do you want updates on the whole game or just on Luca?
Archie: …yeah I totally care about hockey as a sport and definitely didn’t have to google “what the fuck are soft hands” after my first conversation with Luca
Kip: Fair enough lol
Archie: I’m learning! but I feel like if you give me all the details over text I’ll just be deeply confused lol
Harris: Okay, got it. Wow, we are very different people
Ilya: Yes, Harris and Shane have matching childhood bedrooms. Creepy shrines to the centaurs
Kyle: lmao damn that’s like next level manifestation
Harris: 😌
Ilya: and don’t worry Kip, I will take your husband out for a drink after I beat him
Kip: It'll be good for you to drown your sorrows
Ilya: I am in trouble for texting the enemy before the game. Goodbye!
Kip: byeee losers
Harris: I’ve gotta run too, I’m covering this game for socials. Kip and Kyle, can you let Archie know if Luca scores?
Kyle: I’m working so I’ll be in and out but Kip’s just hanging at the bar so he probably can
Kip: yessss I got u, I’ll send all the updates!
Kip: Well, some updates. I’ll keep it simple!
Kyle: aka he’ll get trashed and moon over how good Scott looks
Archie: 💀
Kip: Shut up no I won’t!
Kip: ugh idk what it is but Scott looks extra hot tonight
Kip: aaaand he’s already fighting Ilya. Lovely
Kip: if I was Ilya I would simply make out with that hot face instead of punching it but that’s just me!
Archie: If that’s how games went, I would have started watching years ago
Kip: lol
Kip: BOOOO
Kip: assist from Luca 🙄
Archie: That’s my booooy!
Archie: how’s he looking out there?
Kip: Regrettably he’s doing great
Kip: Aww Shane’s parents are wearing custom Hollander-Rozanov jerseys. Okay that’s cute
Archie: love
Kip: ugh I need another shot
Archie: Did we score again?
Kip: Maybe
Kip: stupid second hottest husbands of hcokey on the power play
Kip: HARRIS!!! Helloooo Harris on tv!!
Kip: LETS GOOOODIDDIJ
Archie: What happened?
Kip: Scott scored!! 2-1 ur boyfriend
Archie: fuck
Archie: I’m trying to watch on my phone but the wifi here is shit
Archie: I can’t believe I actually care about who’s gonna win. Who have I become?
Kip: Welcome to the club babe. Welcome to the club
Kip: LETS GO VAUGHNDY! SUCCJKKKKK IT ARCJIE
Kyle: I’m cutting him off don’t worry
Kip: NOOOO
Archie: 💀
Archie: okay my shoot’s over, fuck it, I’m going right to a sports bar
Kip: yesss do ittt
Kip: omfg Kyle’s making out with Eric. HOW? WE’RE 2-2
Archie: good for him lol
Archie: fuck. I would bite my nails if I didn’t have another shoot tomorrow
Kip: I’ll bite mine for ya
Kip: FUCK
Archie: FUCK YEAH
Archie: his cellie smile is so cuuute
Kip: boooo BOOO
Kip: “How is our biggest threat tonight an infant dating the next marky mark?” -wise words from the straight WAG group
Archie: omfg
Kyle: lmaooo
Kip: You have some explaining to do mister!!
Kyle: lol benefits of being a retired WAG baby
Kip: I’m just impressed you got Eric to stop watching such a tight game
Kyle: He was getting a little too heated about how good of a goalie Hayes is. Had to distract him
Archie: Luca gets that way watching games too
Kip: Scott too. Ugh hockey players are intense
Kyle: Says the man screaming at the top of his lungs right now
Archie: LET’S GOOO
Kyle: and now he’s banging his head against the bar. Lovely.
Ilya: [image attached, tap to download]
Ilya: Drinks for your loser husband, as promised
Kip: FUCK YOUUU
Kip: he’s very pretty tho
Kip: please tell him he’s oh so pretty
Archie: aww Luca!
Kyle: Harris in the background making out with Troy lmao
Kip: ur one to talk!! at least he waited til the game was over!
Kyle: well yeah, he had to, his boyfriend was on the ice. You’re all just jealous my boyfriend doesn’t play 82 games a season
Archie: Yes
Kip: Oh 100%
Kyle: awww
The Secret Society of Stick Handlers
Ilya: Bennett, you hurt my feelings
Eric: What?
Ilya: Very rude to make out with your boyfriend while I am playing such amazing hockey
Eric: What the fuck? How do you even know that?
Lundin: Get it Bennett!!
Baldwin: Whoa. He has spies everywhere
Scott: leve him alon dox
Scott: Roz
Eric: Wow you’re drunk. Can someone get him water?
Shane: Yeah, on it
Ilya: Aww Hunter has two WAGs. How sweet
Eric: Fuck off Rozanov. And stop spying on me!
Ilya: Never
Archie: WHABGs
Kyle: No
Harris: How would we pronounce that?
Archie: the B is silent
Ilya: This is awful
Shane: I like it. It includes everything
Ilya: Ignore my husband, he’s very tired. I wore him out
Kip: TMI
Shane: He means because we just went for a run
Kyle: uh huh sureeee
Ilya: Yes and I run so much faster than him
Shane: Shut up no you don’t
Ilya: Oh? Then why are you so tired?
Shane: Because unlike you, I weight trained after.
Shane: And I’m not tired! WHABGs is a good idea, it’s inclusive
Ilya: WHABG sounds like a disease
Archie: no it doesn't!
Kip: Is it like this with you guys all the time? Don't you get tired?
Shane: Tired of what?
Kip: Competing
Ilya: Yes, Shane gets very tired
Shane: Not true, I have way more energy than you
Ilya: Prove it
Harris: I can confirm they’re like this all the time. Practice gets BRUTAL
Kyle: They’re like two dogs fighting over a chew toy
Kip: When they came out, Scott was like “I can’t believe the rivalry wasn’t real”. Turns out he was wrong
Archie: I’m pretty sure it’s just foreplay to them
Kyle: Considering they stopped messaging, probably
Ilya: Archie please let your boyfriend know the next time you work with Calvin Klein. Your ad is outside our hotel and I’m scared he will die before the game tonight
Archie: 💀💀💀
Ilya: Yes Luca looks just like these skulls
Ilya: [image attached, tap to download]
Harris: Omg he’s SO RED
Kip: 😂 someone get that boy some water
Kyle: Oh he’s a cutie pie. What an adorable tomato
Archie: thank you for this gift lmao
Shane: He’s mostly red from the guys chirping him
Ilya: Yes they are all saying he is the new me. Dating a pretty boy Calvin Klein model
Shane: Pretty sure you're the only person saying that
Archie: Oh shit you’ve done Calvin Klein too Shane?
Shane: Yeah, just a few spreads back in 2014/2015
Ilya: He wanted my attention after I won the cup
Shane: Shut up, my mom booked it for me
Ilya: and you said yes to get my attention
Shane: No I didn’t.
Ilya: Don’t be embarrassed. It worked.
Harris: Sorry are you saying you were together in 2014?!
Kip: Jesus. I thought you got together in 2017?
Ilya: Maybe
Kyle: You can’t play coy now that we’ve read your weird erotic memories circa 2014
Archie: wow that’s so wild. I was really in high school, oblivious that gay history was being made
Kip: HIGH SCHOOL? Shit I’m old
Archie: you should do a CK ad again now that you’re out Shane
Shane: Maybe. They asked right after I came out actually but I said no. Just too much going on
Ilya: WHAT?
Ilya: I will fix this. I will email Farah, tell her you changed your mind, no problem
Shane: Don’t
Ilya: Too late
Harris: Oh great, can’t wait for all the very public foreplay this will provide
Archie: my bad
Ilya: Harris you do not get to talk after what I saw the last time I came to your office
Kip: omg
Kyle: pleaaase
Harris: …sorry again
Kip: I have a question and I’m asking for a friend and it’s gonna sound like I’m not asking for a friend but I swear I am
Kyle: ???
Ilya: It is too early for me to understand this
Kip: Okay question for my FRIEND
Kip: Have any of you guys had to deal with your partners not putting out during playoffs?
Kip: One of the other WAGs said her boyfriend is “trying it out” if we make the playoffs this year and she’s not happy about it…
Kyle: Well now I need to know who wtf
Kip: I’ve been sworn to secrecy
Ilya: I am offended you would ask this
Kip: What? Why?
Ilya: This chat is mostly my team. They would never do this
Shane: How could you possibly know that?
Ilya: Is forbidden
Kyle: Forbidden?!
Ilya: Yes. I am captain. I say this is forbidden
Ilya: The no sex during playoffs rule is very stupid. Makes men grumpy. Makes them play worse
Harris: Wait do people actually do that though? I kinda thought it was a myth
Ilya: Sadly no
Kyle: What a good day to be a retired WAG
Shane: I don’t think it’s very common
Ilya: Yes, even Shane doesn’t do this. And he loves following made up rules
Ilya: He loves sex with me more though
Archie: 💀
Kyle: Fair enough!
Shane: Stop
Archie: I guess I don’t know if Luca does that yet...new fear unlocked lmao
Ilya: If he does, tell me. I will talk to him
Shane: Okay you can’t enforce that
Kip: Omg why do you care if your team gets laid?
Ilya: Caused many problems in Boston
Harris: What?!
Kyle: 👀
Kip: We need a story time
Ilya: So I have this one teammate in Boston. Always cranky, much worse during playoffs. We invite him out one night, he says no
Ilya: Okay, whatever. I go to bar with other guys on the team. A beautiful woman dances with me. She is very eager, very desperate. So I take her home and make love to her all night
Shane: Wow I love this story
Harris: ooookay
Ilya: The next morning, my teammate punches me in the face
Archie: wait what?
Kip: I feel like I missed 20 chapters
Ilya: I did too. Turns out the woman was his girlfriend
Kyle: nooooo
Kip: You’re kidding
Harris: 😱
Ilya: She could not get what she needed from her boyfriend so she came to me. Then went back to her boyfriend to say “see, even your captain will fuck me, so what’s your excuse as a fourth liner who never scores?”
Kip: No fucking way
Archie: the fourth line dig is crazy lmfao
Ilya: Then everyone took sides. Some guys thought I knew they were together and lied
Kip: Did you?
Ilya: No! He never brought her around, I had no idea
Ilya: After that, the whole team was a mess. Got us knocked out of the playoffs
Ilya: So now I make speech before playoffs…you must have MORE sex, not less. Helps take the edge off, helps you play better
Ilya: Tell Scott to make a speech like this
Kip: I think he’d rather die
Ilya: Then tell this man Ilya Rozanov says he must have sex. This could work
Shane: Could it? Could it really?
Ilya: Works on you
Harris: Days without someone DMing me detailed descriptions of how they wanna sleep with my boyfriend: 0
Archie: I hate that shit so much. poor Luca gets that and death threats…my fans are a lot meaner than his
Harris: Good lord
Ilya: I have been getting Shane’s death threats for many years. People used to think I would like them
Harris: Aww that’s kinda sad
Ilya: A waste of talent. They were very creative
Harris: Yeah some of the messages I get are DETAILED. And I’m like…I don’t think even I could get Troy to do this stuff. It’s very aspirational
Ilya: Harris, Troy will do literally anything you ask him to. He is obsessed with you
Kip: aww
Harris: Stop
Shane: It’s true. He talks about you nonstop
Ilya: Yes and he is always buying you coffee and cake and following you around like a little puppy
Harris: Okay but I just don’t think he’d be into “locking me into a steel chastity belt then pissing on my face in the middle of a packed centaurs locker room” (direct quote)
Shane: Ew. Why do we have to be there?
Kyle: Wild that they wrote that, read it back, then went “yup, send”
Kip: Yikes. My last message like that was a very polite threesome request
Ilya: I get these too. Also, as Harris says, aspirational. They think I will just sit quietly and watch while they fuck my husband? Never
Shane: Please stop reading those
Harris: I honestly kind of prefer the threesome requests. At least they’re better than the ones about how Troy should be with them instead because I’m too ugly for him
Archie: what the fuck?
Kip: EW! You’re so hot and they’re so fucking jealous
Harris: Sorry that came out a lot sadder than I meant it to haha
Ilya: Give me names. I will kill them all
Harris: They’re just randos online. It’s fine!
Ilya: Is not fine. You are hot and they are losers
Archie: seriously
Kip: ^^
Kyle: Okay but can you just like…not read them? I don’t touch my message requests with a ten foot pole. People get way too weird about the age gap
Archie: Yeah, I ignore mine too
Harris: Sadly, a lot of them come through the official Centaurs account and it’s my job to monitor it
Shane: That’s terrible. I’m sorry Harris
Kip: That sucks
Ilya: Have you talked to someone about this?
Harris: What? Like who?
Ilya: Troy. Your boss.
Harris: I’ve told Troy about it a little, but not how...graphic it’s gotten lately. It’s really not that big of a deal! I’m just venting, ignore me
Ilya: Is a big deal. You should not have to read these nasty messages from sad little people
Harris: I’m fine, I promise. I mean yeah, it’s gross, but I know there are way worse problems to have than people being jealous of my hot millionaire boyfriend
Kip: It doesn’t matter if there's worse problems. We’re here if you need to vent more, any time
Harris: I’m okay but thank you! Let’s talk about something else
Ilya: Okay…
Kip: Well speaking of jealousy…I’m going to an alumni fundraising event for my high school next week and I’m worried I’m gonna end up in the back of someone’s van by the end
Archie: lol when I did my first Ralph Lauren ad, a group of girls from my high school changed their group chat name to “Archibald Simmons hate club”
Kip: Jesus
Kyle: How do you even know that?
Archie: oh they posted screenshots of it
Kip: Gen z scares me
Harris: Wow, what a coincidence…two days after our conversation, I get an email from upper management telling me they’ve found room in the budget for me to hire an assistant who will “focus on content creation and social media moderation”
Archie: omg yessss
Kip: An assistant!! Congrats boss man
Kyle: thank god
Ilya: How wonderful! What a weird coincidence!
Harris: Lol thank you Ilya
Ilya: Was Shane’s idea
Harris: Oh wow, thanks Shane!
Shane: Of course. You shouldn’t have to read that stuff. I just thought of it, Ilya and Troy were the ones who threatened management
Ilya: Not threat. Just firm conversation
Harris: ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you
Kip: I love the gay WAGs being a force for GOOD 😭
Kyle: Truly beautiful stuff
Kip: I wish the straight WAGs were more like you guys. There’s big beef in the group chat right now over that top 50 playoff beards list. And it’s like a “joking but totally not joking” vibe
Ilya: The what?
Harris: Oh god please don’t show him
Kip: Last Season’s Top 50 NHL Playoff Beards, Ranked
Kip: too late
Shane: Oh god you just boosted his ego way too much
Kyle: It can be boosted even more than it already is?
Shane: Unfortunately, yes
Ilya: Number one would be better. But I will take number two
Ilya: I will be more humble than my husband during his own number two pick. What was that for again?
Ilya: Help, he threw a pillow at my head!
Harris: Deserved
Kyle: Kip, I know you’re secretly so smug about Scott being number 4
Kip: Oh of course I am
Archie: Aww they need to make a list for the Lucas and Shanes of the world. The top 50 hottest guys who can barely grow a playoff beard
Ilya: HAHA amazing idea
Shane: Absolutely not
Kip: Why aren’t we talking about our very own WAG mention though? 👀
Ilya: Yes let’s discuss more. I look very sexy in this picture. And in every picture ever
Kip: Lol I meant Harris!
Harris: Omg stop it’s so embarrassing. My mom’s so excited 😭
Kip: aww
Ilya: WHAT? Where?! I only read my own
Kyle: Under Troy’s, number 41. They say he’d be higher up the list but his beard is overshadowed by “the glorious year round beard of his partner and social media mogul, Harris Drover”
Ilya: YES HARRIS!! We are framing this
Harris: Please don’t
Shane: Too late, he’s already printing it
Kip: [image attached, tap to download]
Kip: At my high school’s alumni event and he’s being SWARMED by straight men
Kyle: Of course
Ilya: The one place where Scott Hunter is popular
Kyle: Okay seriously what even is your beef with Scott?
Ilya: He is old and boring
Harris: You’re always calling Shane boring
Ilya: Yes but he is young and hot and boring. Is different
Kyle: You don’t think Eric’s old and boring?
Ilya: Eric is old and interesting
Kyle: Okay, sure, I’ll take it
Archie: So does that mean Luca is young and hot and interesting?
Ilya: No, Luca is a baby. Just young. Interesting, yes
Ilya: Troy is young and hot and boring. Shane thinks he is hot too, don’t you Shane?
Shane: Keep me out of this
Harris: This is a very weird rating system
Ilya: I am young and hot and interesting. Of course
Kyle: Oh of course
Archie: lmao I could tell you some stories about Luca that would make it very clear he’s not a baby…
Ilya: No! Stop! My ears!!
Harris: Archie the boys were TRAUMATIZED when he showed up to practice last month with scratches on his back 😂
Ilya: I still think he got them from a bear
Archie: I’m closer to a twink actually
Harris: 😂😂😂
Kyle: Your sense of age is so weird. So Scott’s elderly and Luca’s a baby?
Ilya: Yes
Shane: Luca’s older than we were when we got together though
Harris: He IS?
Kyle: literally wtf is this timeline
Kip: Okay I haven’t scrolled up but someone tell me it’s a bad idea to start a fire to get out of here
Kyle: Of course it’s a bad idea. Just leave?
Kip: “Is Carter Vaughan single, is Matti Jallo single” please I am only one man
Archie: I forget how badly some people want to be WAGs...wild
Kyle: literally how did you even meet Luca
Archie: At some pointless 30 stars under 30 charity event in Montreal. One second you’re flirting with a cute stranger at the bar who radiates bottom energy, the next you have the NHL app on your phone and check it unironically multiple times a week
Kyle: A love story for the ages
Harris: I guess he does radiate bottom energy. I never thought about it lol but I did think he was straight
Archie: omg really? He’s so gay
Harris: My gaydar is AWFUL. I thought Troy was straight for a long time. Like an absolutely embarrassingly long time
Ilya: Yes, was painful
Kyle: How long is an embarrassingly long time?
Harris: …have you ever slept with a man and still thought he was straight after?
Kyle: HARRIS DROVER
Archie: Harris…
Harris: I know, I know!
Shane: Wow
Ilya: Is okay. Shane sat me down and came out to me after YEARS of sucking my dick
Archie: that’s kinda iconic
Kyle: Omg I can’t decide which one’s worse
Shane: I’d never said it out loud! I wasn’t expecting you to be surprised but you didn’t have to LAUGH at me
Kyle: awww poor baby gay Shane
Ilya: Come downstairs, I will make it up to you
Harris: ew
Kyle: hot
Harris: HAGs
Kyle: Worst one yet. It’s kinda offensive
Archie: Yeah no
Ilya: I like this one
Kyle: You would
Harris: Are you sure? I think it’s fitting
Harris: [image attached, tap to download]
Ilya: HARRISSSE
Ilya: @everyone come shout!!!
Kip: OMG! CONGRATS!!!! 💍💕
Shane: Congratulations to you and Troy!
Archie: YAYAY CONGRATS!!
Fabian: !!! Congratulations!
Kyle: EEK! That ring! That’s solid fucking gold, damn, sugar daddy Barrett strikes AGAIN
Kip: Wait are you at the spa resort?
Harris: No! We’re going this weekend
Harris: APPARENTLY Troy got word that he might have accidentally been too obvious so he changed his plans and proposed this evening on my family’s farm so it would be a surprise :))
Harris: Thank you Ilya. It was very nice to have my family here
Ilya: Of course! Only the best for you Harris
Harris: ❤️
Kip: I’m so glad Harris added you guys to the chat. You’re like spies that use your powers for good
Ilya: Sexy
Kyle: Okay wait we need to get drinks and celebrate! Harris, are you coming along when the Centaurs play here in 3 weeks? Fabian’s playing in Brooklyn the day after, Kip and I are going with some of the Centaurs!
Harris: I wasn’t planning on it but I’ll see if I can swing it!
Archie: waittt I’ll be in New York for a shoot then, I’ve been trying to move my schedule around so I can make the game 👀
Kyle: Uh you’re gonna be in New York and you didn’t TELL US?
Kip: What the hell Archie?
Archie: Sorry! my schedule’s so packed, I’m still trying to figure out if I can even see Luca for more than 5 minutes
Ilya: Please do. He is very sad without you
Shane: Yeah he does a lot of staring out plane windows and sighing lately
Archie: Aww my boy :(( I’ll call my manager!
Kip: Okay Harris you need to come and you can both sit in the box with us
Fabian: If you guys need a few extra tickets for my show, let me know! I think it's sold out
Kyle: Of COURSE it's sold out
Kip: 💞💞 ty Fabian
Harris: I’ll work on it!
Harris: And keep this news hush hush for now please, Troy and I want to keep it to friends and family for a few weeks, but hopefully we can all celebrate in New York! 🤞
Kip: We must!
Harris: I’ll talk to my boss tomorrow!
Kyle: You’re very sweet but please stop texting us and go have engagement sex Harris lmao
Archie: ^^
Ilya: Yes, good call
Harris: …🏃♂️
Harris 🍎🌈 @HarrisDrover
Forever sounds pretty darn good with you by my side ❤️🍎💍
lynn 🐝 yellowjackets spoilers @barrettsbiceps
SCFEAMING CRYING THEOWING UP I CANNOT BREATHEEEE!! UR SMILES THE RING MY HEAAART MY BOYYYS
Tatum @tatumc3ns
The way I thought you guys were already married lmfao CONGRATS THOUGH
Shane Hollander ✔️ @ShaneHollander24
Congratulations again. So happy for you guys
Kip Grady @KipGradyBoat
I swear that ring gets even more sparkly every day! So excited to celebrate with you tonightttt
Kyle ♡ Come to Kingfisher! @KyleSwiftly
Troy probably pays to get it polished a few times a week
Archie Simmons ✔️ @ArchibaldSimmons
no, he probably bought Harris 7 rings so he has one for every day of the week
Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins
You are thinking too small. Troy would buy a whole jewelry store for Harris. And the coffee shop next door too just for fun
Harris 🍎🌈 @HarrisDrover
Guys 😂😂😂
Troy Barrett ✔️ @TBarrett17
Meeting you was the second luckiest thing that ever happened to me. You agreeing to a lifetime with me is by far the luckiest. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Zane Boodram ✔️ @ZaneBoodHockey
Well now I'm crying before practice, fuck you man
Wyatt "Hazy" Hayes ✔️ @Wyatt_Hayes
Can't relate, I think my phone's just broken, it's all blurry
Luca Haas ✔️ @LucaHaasNHL
So happy to see you both happy :)
Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins
Yes you are very lucky. Harris is the best. Glad you stopped pretending not to be obsessed with him
Scott Hunter ✔️ @ScottHunterOfficial
Congratulations Troy! So thrilled for you
Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins
Aww how nice to congratulate Troy on his engagement and our win tomorrow
J. Baldwin ✔️ @BaldwinPlays
Beefing on the engagement post is wild, rein it in man. Congrats Barrett!
Eric Bennett ✔️ @EricBennettNYC
Yeah, I think we need an engagement truce. At least for today
Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins
Fine
Scott Hunter ✔️ @ScottHunterOfficial
Makes sense to me
kip grady love bot @scottcunterr
Hunter and Rozanov both agreeing to a truce? Oh the power of gay love is REAL baby
Willow @boodsdudesbbq
My mom came into my room and asked why I was crying and I had to explain that some gay men I've never met got engaged lmao
Sylvie @scotthunt3rscores
The fact that we're gonna have 3 gay married couples in the NHL is blowing my mind...from one little kiss on the ice in 2017 to THIS :')
lucy ୨୧ @iluvluceey
Little? His tongue was down that smoothie boy's throat
Sylvie @scotthunt3rscores
Where it BELONGS!!!
kai @hausofhaas
Okay but...Luca and Archie next? Perhaps?
charlie @shaneholeander
baby they are 6 years old
kai @hausofhaas
They're 22 and 23!!
charlie @shaneholeander
I rest my case
lynn 🐝 yellowjackets spoilers @barrettsbiceps
Saying thank you in his literal engagement post...Troy Barrett you are an olympic gold medalist in simping
greyson ₊˚｡ ❆ @m0therpuck3r17
I too would be on my knees thanking god everyday if I went from dating a certified douchebag to marrying the literal personification of sunshine
Harris 🍎🌈 @HarrisDrover
Thank you all for your kind comments! Had so much fun celebrating tonight at @kingfisherpub with my favorite WHABGs 🌈❤️
Kip Grady @KipGradyBoat
ily even if you suck at pool lmao
Kyle ♡ Come to Kingfisher! @KyleSwiftly
He's better than you! Kinda! Sorta!! and please come to the next NY road trip Harris!!
Fabian Salah ✔️ @fabiansalahmusic
💕💕 so happy to celebrate with you, see you when I play Montreal next month!
Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins
NO! We are not using WHABGs!!!
Archie Simmons ✔️ @ArchibaldSimmons
aww we're adorable! I seriously never thought I'd be a WHABG and I don't know how I'd do it without you guys :’)
Ilya Rozanov ✔️ @IlyaRozanovWins
Archie. No. I will have your boyfriend break up with you if you don't stop this. @LucaHaasNHL this is a warning
Luca Haas ✔️ @LucaHaasNHL
:O
Chiron's Third Dad @centaurtrashh
omfg this is the CUTEST picture I've ever seen. Framing this, making it my background, projecting it on my tombstone, getting buried with it, etc
⁸¹ Winona @winonar3ads4
I love that every queer NHL player is seemingly required to date a straight up 10. I'm starting to think it's a clause in their contracts
Tatum @tatumc3ns
fucking hilarious that the NHL gays and bis are always lowkey beefing with each other, meanwhile their partners are BESTIES
bebe @moony4hollanov
This photo...oh how I love being gay 😭