Archive of Our Own

Eleven fucking hours.

That’s how long Sollux waited at the airport for his plane to take off. Only to end up disappointed. 

Trying to make his way through the impossible weather, Sollux cursed the snowstorm that decided on making a surprise appearance for Christmas, trapping him in this city for the holiday. 

He was seething, to a point he could barely admit. Sollux didn’t visit his family much these days, and, even if he pretended it didn’t, it did affect him. Seeing them twice a year, he kept missing things : Birthday, parties, fights, … Every time he was back, Sollux learned about new facts, new peoples, new relationship, and it felt like getting left behind. He couldn’t blame anyone for the lack of messages, they were busy. If he really wanted news, Sollux knew he could be the one reaching out.

But he never did. 

Getting out of the safety of the bus to go brave the storm once more, Sollux thought back of how ecstatic they all had been when he got the acceptance letter. The best programming degree in the whole country. A full scholarship. It was a dream come true.

It was worth it. 

It was worth moving across the country. 

It was worth being alone for a few years. 

It was the cold temperature, the snow, the loneliness, the spiraling mental health-

Fine, it’s fine. That’s what Sollux had been telling himself for a few years now, faced with the growing anguish of living away from all the peoples he cared about. It was fine that he would be the first time he would miss Christmas. He was a grown man. He could handle it. 

This was temporary, even if it didn’t felt like it. There would be others Christmas, where he wouldn’t be spending it in a shitty apartment with an equally shitty-

As his sneakers got drench, sinking through the layer of snow under his feet, Sollux suddenly remembered that he was not coming back to an empty house. 

In his frustration, he had forgotten he wouldn’t be technically alone. Or maybe he would ? He wasn’t quite sure what Eridan was doing for Christmas, just mentioning some vague plans Sollux didn’t want to pry into.

The thing is, they didn’t really get along. 

But they didn’t didn’t get along either. 

It was a weird liminal relationship, not quite just roommate, not quite anything else. 

And Sollux would like to keep it that way. 

Slamming open the door to the building, he really hoped that, somehow, Eridan left for the night. That would give Sollux the opportunity to spend his holiday grinding one of the game of his Steam wishlist he would get as a present for himself. Just him, his computer, Monster cans and ramens.

If Eridan was here… He wasn’t sure what he would do. 

Shaking his head, Sollux put the thought away. Right now, the only thing on his mind was to shed off the layers of damp clothes and the heavy bag he has been carrying around. Making his way to the elevator, he-

Out of order, taunted a sign on the doors.

Of course.

Accepting his life was a fucking joke, Sollux got up the stairs up to the twelfth floor. 

By the end, he was panting and shaking, cursing everything and everyone, even himself, for being in this shitty situation.

He should have followed his dad’s advice and take an earlier flight. But he didn’t, because he wanted to be there, yet couldn’t stand to spend too long with everyone. Not when they would joke about moments he missed out on, snickering about private jokes he couldn’t get because he wasn’t here, or kept asking if he had news of Aradia when he obviously didn’t. 

Finally seeing the chipping paint of his apartment’s door, it feels nothing short of a miracle. The promise of warmth was enough to soothe him a little. 

Maybe Eridan will be locked in his room, like he usually is, and Sollux will be able to go shrimp in front of his computer and game the holiday away. 

But his hopes are shattering when he gets close enough to realize he is hearing music coming from his humble dwelling. 

Sollux quickly tries to make peace with the disappearance of his relaxing vision of his shittiest Christmas ever, pushing the door open. It creaks slowly, the sound drowns by the voice of a pop star he doesn’t care to recognize, and Sollux is left looking at his living room in disbelief.

Hours ago, he left, and the room was the same as usual. Dark, musty, messy, void of life. 

Witnessing the transition from its usual desert state to this is surprising. 

There are enough candles brightening up the place to be an alarming fire hazard, pop music resonating though the air and the smell of cinnamon permeate the whole room. 

He can’t even remember the last time it looked so cozy. If it ever did. 

Sollux let his heavy bag drop unto the floor, wondering if he is interrupting something. This is unusual, for sure. After peaking a glance into Eridan’s bedroom in their years living together, he knew the guy could go a little extra of the ambiance, but never in the common space. Something about “the couch bein’ more spike than cushion” or the “air of misery from the lack of furniture” kept Eridan from enjoying the full scope of the apartment.

Not that Sollux minded, since that meant the enormous TV Eridan brought with him was left all free to use. 

But here, with a bunch of comfy-looking blankets piled up on the couch and the warm lights of the candles, it looked nice. Homey. 

The thought of this being for him tries to sink his claw into Sollux for half a second, and he has to chase it away before he can get lost into dumb thoughts again. 

No, instead, a much more worrying idea take its place.

Was Eridan expecting someone ? 

The idea fills him with a nausea that he is choosing to ignore the origin of.

He was well aware that his roommate didn’t have any friends, so there were little to no chance he would invite someone over for the holiday. But Eridan never had any issues getting someone to spend a night with him. Never when Sollux was around, of course, but he wasn’t supposed to be here tonight. What if he stumbled on his roommate on a date ? What if they are together right now, as he stands like a moron at the door ? What if-

Too busy spiraling over his roommate’s theoretical sex life, Sollux doesn’t think about announcing his presence. He stands frozen in the threshold long enough for Eridan to step back into the room.

Sollux is about to talk when he sees him, and his brain short-circuit for a second. 

Eridan doesn’t notice him, too busy looking down his phone as he hums and swings his hips in rhythm with the music. He brings the wine glass he holds to his lips, downing it in one impressive swing.

 “An’ I promise none of this is a metaphor~ I just want you to c-” Finally, he lifts his eyes up from his phone and let out a surprised shout. “Fuck ! W-What the hell ? Sol’ ?!”

The roommates look at each other's in disbelief for a second, as Sollux tries to process even an even more unusual sight.

He doesn’t think he ever saw Eridan wearing so little clothes ever. His roommate might have an incredible body, but he didn’t show it so outwardly. Eridan was all about layers and elegant silhouette. What Sollux knew was from doing an embarrassing amount of observation, since he was dealing with a nun-level of covering up.

So, yeah, the tiny shorts, flimsy top and thin robes were surprising him greatly.

Who knew prudish, closed off Eridan could wear something so-

“Sol’ ?!” Eridan asks again, closing back the silk robes and tying it up, which only makes him worse from Sollux’s point of view. The short gown stops high on his thighs, covering everything that’s underneath, with the unfortunate side effect of making it look like Eridan isn’t wearing anything but that piece of blue silk. 

“Plane’s cancelled,” Sollux mutters, trying to will himself into looking away from this egregious pair of legs. 

Long. 

Long legs.

Fuck.

“What ?! Why ?!”

The dumb question does have the merit of breaking the spell for Sollux who points at one of the windows.

“Oh.”

Eridan still stare at him wide-eyed, like a sexy deer in headlights. He opens his mouth, seemingly about to say something, then change his mind, bringing the glass back up to his lips. But there is no wine left to drink or anything to say.

“I am interrupting something ?” Sollux finally ask, breaking the silence. 

When Eridan frowns, obviously confused, he presses on. 

“Are you…” He struggles to maintaining his neutral tone as he talks, “...waiting for someone ?”

“Of course not.” Eridan seems even more perplexed by the assumption.

“I just thought that…” He gestured to the room, “I mean, between the candles, the wine, the outfit-”

“What ?” It seems to be the words that finally snaps Eridan out of his trance, “Oh my god, no ! That’s not-”

He looks about to decompose as he sputters an explanation.

“So, what’s up with all this ?”

“I don’t know how to explain this to you, Captor. But sometimes, it’s nice to treat oneself.”

It’s easy to pinpoint the moment Eridan finally regain his footing again, and get back to his usual self. Or, at least, the one Sollux is most used to. 

His entire face turns stony, a frown etched to give him this air of general disgust he always wears. His arms crossed, he gets defensive. Sollux knows that whatever he says now would probably be taken as an insult.  

So, he doesn’t say anything.

“Whatever, you ruined it anyway.”

On these words, Eridan turns on his heels without a look back, loudly slamming the door of his bedroom behind. All Sollux can do is sigh, making a beeline to the bathroom. 

Taking a shower is usually more of a chore than a pleasure, but, for once, Sollux is happy to enjoy the water warming him up. He tries to clear his mind, letting the water take his worries down the drain.

Fuck Eridan and his sad, pained expression. It did something to Sollux that he didn’t like.

Eridan is-

Eridan was-

Eridan fucking sucks.

They have been living together for almost two years now, and Sollux was adamant in making sure to keep the guy at arm’s length.

Since they had met, he wanted nothing to do with him. Haughty, arrogant, Eridan had looked so out of place in this shithole, Sollux just decided to give him the worst tour possible. The thought of living with him just felt like a bad idea. Someone who was that bitchy and that hot ? Either it would end in murder or sex, both equally bad option for his objective of finding and keeping a good roommate. So, by the end, Sollux had made both the apartment and himself sounds so despicable, he thought there would be no way Eridan would stay. 

But, as Eridan gave one last disgusted look at the mold covering the ceiling of the bathroom, Sollux saw him go through the five stages of grief in a matter of seconds before he asked.

“How soon can I move here ?”

Since then, Sollux was proven right in his initial observations. 

Eridan wasn’t a bad roommate per se. He paid the bills on time, which was settling the bar above anyone else who occupied his room before, and he mostly spent his time either working, trying to get a job after getting fired again, or just holed up in his room being moody.

But the times he was in the same room as Sollux… It was something.

They fought. A lot. About everything. Dishes not being done, trash not getting taken out, absurdly big amount of hair products invading Sollux’s side of the bathroom, … He really tried to be the bigger person, but it was hard with Eridan. The guy was an asshole, always ready to complain about something, trapping Sollux in the kitchen when he hadn’t slept in 2 days and was just trying to retrieve energy drinks. 

Those days, he would hate him. This vindictive, paranoid moron made his life so much harder, like going through his own mood swings wasn’t enough. This felt like life on hard mode, no support and an enemy who kept attacking him every time he left base. 

Yet, there were some things Sollux didn’t quite hate about his roommate, and it was the issue. 

Sometimes, they would hang. When the loneliness became too much to bear, one of them would reach out with a peace offering. A movie, a game or take-out, whatever it was, Sollux had taken a long time to admit he could enjoy the time spent together.

It did help that Eridan wasn’t bad on the eyes, which was made even more obvious when he wasn’t busy being contradictory and looking for a fight.

Sollux had to be careful in those times, it was easy to get tricked. 

It could be a quiet morning, getting breakfast together and complaining about the next door neighbor's party from the night before. Eridan being too tired to annoy him, sliding him a cup of coffee exactly how he liked it.

It could be a Halloween night spent drinking beers, watching horror films and getting scared enough to forget it wasn’t normal for them to be huddling so close under the covers.

It could be a dirty joke he made, but who didn’t get the usual reaction. No rolling eyes or a “you’re fuckin’ disgustin’” as it would happen most of the time. Instead, a teasing remark back, a bold smirk that dared Sollux to continue down this road.

Whatever it was, Sollux always kept himself in check, careful not to act on any impulse.

Having sex with Eridan would be memorable, or at least, that’s how he pictured it, whenever his mind would drift to those treacherous waters. However, it was a sure way to shatter whatever bond they shared. 

Not that they both couldn’t do a casual fling, that wasn’t the problem. Sollux was more than fine with sharing just a night with someone, and if the few times Eridan stumbled back home late into the night are to be believed, he could too. 

But they couldn’t. Not together.

Because it would never be just sex.

Sollux hated that, and that’s what he was hellbent on avoiding. 

They were the rarest moments, the one who were painfully meaningful.

He tried his hardest to avoid it, too miserable to dealing with those kinds of things. Sollux had picked up on the clues, seeing how much Eridan yearned for someone to understand him. But Sollux knew he wasn’t built to be a shoulder to cry on, he never was. 

Even his ex-girlfriend, his best friend, had known as much. That’s probably why she quietly slipped out of his life, or at least, that’s what Sollux assumed.

She never explained. 

But Eridan didn’t get it, seemingly too obtuse to understand that Sollux couldn’t give him what he was looking for. 

He tried not to comfort his roommate in his fantasies, which prove itself to be hard in some cases. 

What was he supposed to do, the night Eridan went to see his family for the first time since he started living here, and Sollux woke up in the middle of the night to the sounds of muffled cries ? 

He had to go to check him on. 

And when he found Eridan sobbing, with too many empty bottles next to him, Sollux had to keep him from drink himself to death. He couldn’t forget the wet, pathetic look in Eridan’s eyes as he looked up at him, barely coherent anymore. Or the dark bruise on his left cheek.

It took two sentences before Sollux fucked it up. An off-handed comment mumbled to himself, and Eridan dissolved into hysterics sobs into his arms when he tried to get him to bed. It had been a hell of a night. 

Because of the situation and the ignition of a deep desire that Sollux wanted to quell.

Caring for someone wasn’t in his abilities, not when he could barely take care of himself. It had been bad when he was in high-school, but here, away from his support system, Sollux had plummeted to an all-time low. 

Sollux wasn’t like Karkat, Kanaya, or hell, even Terezi when she felt like it. He was the one who needed to lean on someone. 

And proof of that were his own moments of weakness.

Like that time.

It might have been the worst migraine of his life, thanks to the days spent without eating and god knows how long without drink water. And it felt like he was dying, head over the toilet, eyes closed as he threw up on an empty stomach. Or at least, until Eridan and his cold hands arrived, talking softly as he rubbed his back. He was so worried, helping him back to his bed, and Sollux had been weak, accepting it.

The migraine lasted for three days, and Eridan’s fussing almost double that. The memory made Sollux felt as embarrassed as warm.

All of this to say…

Fuck Eridan Ampora.

After what seemed like an eternity, Sollux finally got out the shower, wondering what he was going to do tonight.

What he should do, was, ignoring his roommate’s pouting and proceed as if this was any other day at the apartment. 

But.

It was Christmas Eve’s. Even if he wasn’t that big on the holiday, he still felt wrong to be an asshole today.

Sollux already knew what he had decided to do, but still, he pretended to be weighting his options, like he wasn’t already making his way to his roommate’s door. 

He could hear the rhythmical step of Eridan’s pacing around the room. A tell-tale sign of his intern turmoil on the whole situation. 

The knocking stopped Eridan’s dead in his track, and Sollux could almost feel the glare through the thin layer of wood. For what’s seems a long time, he waits, wondering if Eridan was upset enough to be ignoring him, but before he can take the decision to retreat, the door finally opens.

Eridan’s face peek through the opening, frowning and glaring, like he expected.

“What the fuck do you want ?” he groans, and Sollux almost regret trying to be nice for a second.

But he remembers Eridan’s relaxed face before he noticed him, which is enough to let him talk through gritted teeth.

“I’m sorry.”

This gets his roommate’s attention, who opens the door some more. Leaning against the threshold, arms crossed, he waits, while Sollux sadly notice his change of outfits.

Not that he isn’t infuriating good-looking even with thick pajamas pants and long-sleeves shirts, but damn, did the blue silk looked good against his skin.

His disappointment is as high as his want to shoot himself for that thought. 

“I should have sent a text to tell you I was coming back.”

“... It’s fine, I bet you had others thin’ on your mind.”

Sollux frowns, unsure what his roommate implies.

“You must be awfully upset.” Eridan continues. “You looked forward to seein’ your family, didn’t you ?”

When did Eridan started noticed the feelings Sollux was trying so hard to hide ? He wasn’t sure, but it was happening more and more often. 

He didn’t like it.

“I’ll survive,” Sollux shrugs, like this wasn’t the absolute truth.

Eridan lift an eyebrow, clearly not believing him for a second. But he doesn’t call him out on his hypocrisy, choosing to stay silent instead.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your plans,” Sollux ends up saying, scratching his neck, a little embarrassed by the simple question he is about to ask. “So, I was wondering if you’ll like trying to salvage both our nights and just… hang ?”

He could only hope his cheeks aren’t burning as much as he feels they are. Because this somehow feels like he asks something way bigger than he did. This is just a hang-out for two roommates stuck together on Christmas’s Eve. That’s all. 

In front of him, Eridan doesn’t say anything, fidgeting with the only ring he keeps at all time, the one on his left ring finger. 

“Or you can stay inside your room and sulk all night, whatever you prefer.” 

“What would we even do ?” 

Sollux shrugs.

“I don’t know. What had you planned ?”

After a beat of silence, Eridan takes him to the kitchen, where Sollux finally understand what were Eridan’s plan. 

This is an alarming amount of alcohol for one guy.  

“So, you were gonna drink all that tonight ?”

“Of course not.” Eridan answers, “There is tomorrow too.”

“Fucking Christ, Ampora. What the fuck happened to the spirit of Christmas ?”

Eridan sighs, grabbing a bottle of vodka and looking intensely at it.

“This one taste like peppermint, I guess ?”

Baffled, Sollux take another one, labelled Mistletoe Margarita.

“And besides trying to get alcohol poisoning, what do you do ?”

“Watchin’ movies mostly.”

“Movies it is then.”

Choosing a movie is hard when they are the one doing it. Lots of bickering involved, and drinks almost spilled as they fight over the remote. The reached conclusion is an old video game adaptation, with a game whose rules are created as the film plays out.

It mostly involves drinking whenever it’s too cringe to bear.

By the end of it, Sollux is half-through the margarita bottle and enjoying himself than what he usually allows himself to. It is hard not to, when he can nerd out about one of his favorite game. That surprised him about Eridan, how willing he was to hear out about any facts, when he didn’t seem like the type to be able to shut up when someone explained something. But, when he was in the mood, Eridan could be an avid learner, whatever the subject.

And since he didn’t know the original game that well, he had been curious, prodding every fact with additional questions, forcing Sollux to pause the movie a few times to make place for the conversation.

Alternating between sipping his margarita and taking shots, tried to be focused on explaining the subtlety of fighting game lore, but it was hard to do so. 

Eridan had that look when he focused, frowning, but not like usual. It was a little bit softer and serious, less dramatic. He would bite on his lower lips as he tried to formulate a question in his head, and Sollux had to look back at the screen not to stare.

When Eridan sit up to take his phone at the end of the movie, getting away enough for Sollux to breath again, it is kind of a relief.

“So, what now ?” He says, getting his hand on the remote first, “I still think we should watch Killer Klowns from Outer Space.”

“No,” Eridan says as he tries to bat the remote away from Sollux, still looking down at his phone, “Before any others awful proposition, it’s time to order some greasy food.”

Extending his legs over the coffee table, which Eridan hates, Sollux rolls his eyes as he hides the remote.

“You’re gonna force some poor DoorDash delivery guy to trek through the snowstorm for some fries ?”

“If anythin’, I’m helpin’. If he is workin’ today, he probably needs the money.” Face with the unimpressed look on Sollux face’s, he adds. “And I’ll leave an excellent tip too.”

They bicker for a while about it, as they both order pizza on Eridan’s phone.

Earlier worries are taken away with alcohol, and Sollux tries to forget the texts he had been getting from his family bemoaning his absence.

Instead, he focuses on how easy it is to rile up Eridan when he is tipsy, listening to him rant about why Sollux’s choice of pizza is an abomination.

All Sollux can think of, as he listens, is that Eridan’s accent is so much heavier when he’s drunk. He always wondered about that, unable to pinpoint any origins for it. The thought of asking briefly cross Sollux’s brain, still a tad too sober to act on an impulse.

“What’s up, Sol’ ?” Eridan asks, finally noticing his feet on the coffee table and kicking them back on the floor.

“Just thinking.”

“Beware, thoughts and tequila are one dangerous combination.”

Sollux flicks his eyes away from Eridan’s lips. 

“Yeah, I’m aware.”

His roommate eyes him with suspicions.

“What’s the stupidest thing you ever did drunk ?” Is what Sollux ends asking.

Lifting his eyes up, Eridan put his fingers against his lips as he thinks, always ever so theatrical in his gestures. His drunkenness isn’t helping, but he is always like that. With all his expressiveness and big gestures, Sollux could picture him as a theater kid. 

Snorting as he can think of a younger Eridan fighting for the lead, he takes back his half-empty margarita bottle.

“I think… It would be that time I got chased by the police.”

Sollux chokes on his drink.

“You- What ?!”

“Yeah, I was very drunk, tryin’ to get home as fast I could ‘cause I learned my dad was comin’ back from his work trip sooner an’ cops tried pullin’ me over so… Yeah, I speeded up an’ managed to lose them.”

“That was really fucking stupid, Eridan.”

“Yeah, I’m aware. I was a dumb teen.”

“Teen ?”

“Yeah, I was, what-” He thinks for a second, counting on his fingers and biting on his lower lips again, god damn it, “Fifteen ?”

There is a second where Sollux tries to imagine it.

The childish face he caught on the one picture Eridan got on his desk, smiling, arms liking with a girl he never spoke about. Sollux thinks of his braces, his thick glasses, his eye bags and his youthfulness. 

The supplies of seemingly endless bottles in their house. 

The dark bruise on Eridan’s cheek. 

“I’m not unpacking everything that’s wrong in what you just told me.”

Eridan just shrugs, looking into the distance for a second, with the hint of something sad in his eyes.

Every time he let out an unhinged or concerning facts slips, he does that, and Sollux can’t help seeing him what he really is. At every peek through the cracks of Eridan’s walls, he sees the glass underneath. Fragile, broken, fragmented.

Sollux didn’t know what he was most afraid of. 

Being asked for help to pick up the shards or not knowing if he could manage to refuse.

“What about you ?”

“Nothing like you, I was no teenage delinquent.”

“C’mon, I’m sure you did somethin’ stupid too.”

Eridan gets that curious frown, titling his head as he gets closer, and Sollux has to hide how helpless he feels.

“I got into a fight.”

Getting comfortable on his side, Eridan nods.

“Okay, and ?”

“And what ?”

“Give me details ! I can’t barely judge how stupid it was with that.”

Sollux sighs, remembering the absurdity of what he did.

“Do I look like someone who have any chance to win a physical fight ?”

“Of course not, but if it was against another nerd like you, that’s not stupid, just vaguely ridiculous.”

“He is a nerd.” He takes a deep breath, before giving Eridan what he craves. “A nerd that’s taller than me and also thrice my weight.”

“Oh my god-” Eridan snorts.

“And, when he isn’t building robots, he is a boxer on his free time.”

That seems to be the dealing blow for Eridan, who start laughing so hard, he has to hold his stomach. 

“W-Why ?” Is the only word he managed to stutter through this hilarity, wiping away at his eyes, still shaking.

Sollux doesn’t want to answer that.

“No, this shit is too embarrassing to tell.”

“C’mon, Sol’,” he pokes at his knee, trying his best to look serious, and failing, “You owe me that.”

“Do I ?”

“You ruined my Christmas plan !”

“You said it was fine !”

“I know what I said.”

Eridan waits for more, and he, somehow, inches closer again. 

If it wasn’t for all the alcohol he had drunk already, Sollux would be ruining in the opposite direction, cut short the night. Spilling his guts like that was the kind of moments he had been trying to avoid.

But Eridan was looking at him such attention, and those deep, blue eyes…

“He started to date my ex.”

His roommate lift an eyebrow.

“I didn’t expect that of you.”

He shrugs.

He didn’t either.

But it had been so confusing back then, Aradia breaking up without explanation being the starting accident for the growing severity of his mood swings.

He had been a dumb teen, drunk and manic like never before, when he learned that after weeks of trying to reach Aradia, she started dating Equius. The creepy weirdo who always been sweating after her ass without much luck, was given a chance while Sollux was left in the dark.

It had been unbearable.

Sollux had almost managed to contain himself when he overheard the news his friends had been trying to keep him away from. But he still remembered his blood boiling when he made his way to Equius.

“My break-up with AA was really fucking weird. She told me she was going through something, but she refuses to confide in me, even if before dating we were best friends.”

The words stumble out of his mouth, like a dam open on a subject he had tried to confine for years.

“At a party, I learned they were together so, since I couldn’t get anything out of her, I wanted to hear about it from him. We were some sort of friends too,” More like colleague at the robotic club, but, semantics, “But all he did was talk down to me. Telling me some shit about them being meant to be together, that it was obvious, that she talked to him- I guess I lost it.”

Deep in his memories, he could still feel the sting of his hand exploding into Equius’s ridiculous hard cheekbones. Sollux only learned the correct way to punch someone after the incident, when Equius, from all peoples, taught him to, months later. A gesture of goodwill after Aradia dumped him too, and the robotic’s club threatened to kick them both for refusing to work together.

“I don’t know why I just told you all that.”

“That’s probably the tequila shots.”

“Fuck.”

Eridan studies him for a moment, as Sollux tried to compose himself. It’s hard to do so under such piercing eyes, that seem to be able to read him better and better with time.   

For a moment, he imagines Eridan scooting closer, wrapping an arm around him. Sollux thinks how easy it would to drop his head on his shoulders, confining in more things he never told anyone.

From the corner of his eyes, he sees Eridan’s hand twitching and gets afraid again.

Please, don’t reach out, he wants to scream. Please, don’t let me crumble, he says to himself.

But Eridan doesn’t need to be told. Instead, he gets up.

“Food’s almost here. I’ll get it, try to choose a movie in the meantime.”

Sollux recognize that behavior, because that’s his own. The neutral face, the change of subject, the fleeing. It’s the retreat in sight of dangerous waters, when the conversation turns too heavy, too propitious for crossing a line.

It shouldn’t be hurting as he does, seeing Eridan get up. It is what he wants, after all.

Right before leaving, Eridan turns to Sollux with an accusation finger. 

“An’ nothin’ with clowns !”

“You hate fun !”

As he left, Sollux grabs the tequila, drinking straight from the bottle, trying to soothe his conflicting feelings.

The night continues and so does the drinks. Memories start to get fuzzy and the timeline unclear.

Sollux couldn’t tell how they end up the way they do.

Maybe it’s fighting, maybe it’s the constant inching closer that they both do, maybe he gives up the pretense at some point in the night.

Whatever happened, they end up on their too short and uncomfortable couch, laying down next to another to watch another movie under one of Eridan’s heavy blankets.

In the morning, Sollux wouldn’t be able to remember what movies they were watching or what they were talking about all along. 

Inconsequent details that didn’t mean anything.

What he will remember is how nice it was wrapping an arm around Eridan’s waist to bring him closer. How warm he felt, resting his chin into the curve of Eridan’s shoulders, trying to get comfortable to look at the screen. How good his hair smelled.

How little he thought about consequences for once.

Sollux wakes up late the next morning. Mouth dry and head spinning, he groans, pressing his face against the warm pillow in front of him. It moves ever so slightly, as legs tangles with his own-

It takes a moment to set in, but Sollux finally opens his eyes to see a familiar shade of hair in front of him.

Oh.

This is a dream, of course.

Sollux closes his eyes again. This is the kind of fantasy he usually refrained himself from, but he is too hangover to care. No one could blame for choosing to squeeze his arm tighter, breathing in the same smell that always permeate the bathroom after Eridan’s take one of his everything showers.

It’s peaceful, and quiet, not at all the usual brands of things that Sollux’s brain like to conjure, but it’s a nice change of pace.

In his arms, Eridan moves and-

It feels-

It doesn’t feel like that much like a dream, actually.

Sollux tries to comb through his memory to try to piece last night again. He remembers the storm, the walk, the disappointment, the candles, the robes, the alcohol-

He opens his eyes with horror.

Fuck.

This is a maximum alert. He can’t believe the level of stupidity he accomplished last night, for fuck’s sake. 

Extracting himself from the situation is a problem, requiring a lot of agility, discretion and untangling. It’s a miracle he manages, probably help by the insane amount of alcohol Eridan ingested last night making him sleep through Sollux’s contortion behind him.

Wobbly, he stands behind the couch for a moment, wondering what the hell is supposed to do.

Best thing would be to go back to his room, let Eridan wake up alone and pretend this never happened, as usual.

But, as he starts to head to his bedroom, he can’t help stealing a glance.

Eridan is curled on myself, now that he is alone, and Sollux can’t help the tang in his heart at sight.

The idiot forgot to take off his glasses.

Going around the couch, Sollux kneels down to slip the frame of his face. And while he is at it, he takes the blanket who ended up being half on the ground to cover Eridan back. Looking at his face, Sollux is shocked by how peaceful he seems. He even looks younger like this, without his glasses and perpetual frown. 

Eridan is a grown ass man, he shouldn’t be allowed to be cute. Ugh. 

Overwhelmed by the urge of doing something stupid like brush his hair or kiss his for forehead, Sollux gags silently at himself.

This is getting out of hand, he can’t deal with that.

As fast and discreetly as a hangover guy can do, Sollux get a coat, his phone and his keys, and he fucks off out of here.

The storm has settled in the night, and all that his left is a white coat covering the city. 

Sollux walk for a long time, needing the fresh air to wake him up. He is aimless, pacing through the streets. Doing his best not to think about anything, he almost falls a bunch of times, feet catching of the icy patches dotting the sidewalk.

He can’t believe how stupid he is, acting so carelessly, and for what ? Another drunken night together to fuel hope of something more happening ? 

It was ridiculous. 

He was ridiculous.

Entering a corner shop, Sollux made a beeline for the energy drinks.

As he picked up snacks, his phone pings with another message.

He had been avoiding it since last night, but he can’t help taking a peek now. The family’s group chat is flooded with pictures taken yesterday. Sollux skims through, seeing the happy faces and the tables full of food, filling him back with that sense of helplessness that he forgot since he started drinking last night. And all the messages wishing him a merry Christmas too, or telling him how he is missed, don’t help either.

Pressing his forehead against the cold surface of a fridge’s door, he groans, overwhelmed.

Sollux didn’t want to have to deal with all these feelings bubbling in him. He felt confused, angry, sad, with no way to process it.

Should he get home and proceed as Eridan would have done ? Get drunk and pretend he didn’t hate the holiday ? 

It would be easy, and yet, he still felt like the wrong idea.

Looking down at a picture of his dad smiling while Mituna is in the background trying to fit as much food as he could in his mouth, Sollux wondered what he should do.

Hours later, Sollux is looking down at the pot, wondering if he should add more salt. He had been hearing noises around the living room, probably Eridan waking up, but he was trying to ignore it. 

“What’s… all that ?”

From the corner of his eyes, he sees Eridan’s wrapped in his blanket, looking at the kitchen with confusion. Sollux could probably count on one hand how many times he saw Eridan in such a state of disarray, hair askew, no glasses to be seen. 

“We did it your way yesterday,” Sollux responds, “Let’s do mine.”

His roommate come a little closer, eyeing the table.

“... Okay, color me intrigued. What’s goin’ on here ?”

Eridan make a vague gesture to the table full of food.

“I tried to make some stuff I would eat at my house.”

“You guys eat… sandwiches ?”

“Well, I have no idea how to prepare a turkey, so… turkey sandwiches seemed like the next best thing.”

“Hm hm,” Eridan nods, clearly trying not to laugh, “Smart.”

“Shut up,” Sollux responds, flustered.

Turning back to the plate he is desperately trying not to fuck up, Sollux hears his roommate sliding up a chair, and sitting down. 

They both stay quiet for a long time, Sollux almost wonders if Eridan left. But when he takes a look, he sees Eridan watching him in silence, with a thoughtful look.

“Any comment ?”

“None.”

He wears a soft expression, and it hurts Sollux to think this moment isn’t going to last. 

Playing house is probably the most dumbass choice he could have made today, but it’s Christmas, and he can’t bear to give it up just yet. He wants to continue toeing the line, see how far he can go. It is as exhilarating as miserable. Just like he always feels when Eridan is around.

They set the table together, silently, and, as Sollux finish cooking, his roommate leaves to clean himself up.

He comes back wearing a different set of pajamas, his glasses and tamed hair, and Sollux wants to scream at how beautiful he is in the simplest moment. 

Sitting down, they start to digging into the food, Sollux watching intensely as Eridan tastes the one plate he spent most of his time on.

“Sol’, it’s…”

Eridan looks down at his food, hesitating for a few seconds for the word to use.

“Edible ?”

“Wow, fuck you Ampora, I’m tryin’ to do a nice thing and that’s all you got.”

He is about to continue monologuing at Eridan, but take a bite before doing so and-

“Oh, yeah, okay.”

Sollux chokes a little as shallow down the bland vegetable, and Eridan starts puffing, playing with the food in his plate.

“I mean it’s not bad-”

“It is. No need to spare my feelings.”

He hides his face in his hands, groaning. 

In the list of many things that Sollux Captor isn’t, a cook is one of them.

“Rosa would be ashamed of me,” he mutters.

“Rosa ?”

“My…” Sollux thinks for a second how to use a word to quickly explain about the adopted mother of his dad’s maybe best friend maybe boyfriend, depending on the day. He settles for, “... Aunt. She showed me the recipe a few times already, but I always manage to fuck it up.”

“Have you consider you should maybe… How to say this ?” Eridan pretends to be thinking, “Give up ?”

He answers by a middle finger, ignoring Eridan’s snickering, and the meal proceed. Sollux quickly divert the conversation away from his culinary prowess, chit-chat about whatever, and it goes well. So domestic, it’s not only the food that makes him feel sick.

No one mentions last night. And if Eridan choose to ignore it, Sollux is happy to so too.

Once it’s clear they are done trying to eat what on the table, Sollux leans back on his chair.

“I did all the cooking, so I’ll let you take care of the dishes.”

“What ?! I didn’t get a say in this arrangement !”

“That’s just common sense-”

“I’m not cleanin’ up when you try to poison me !”

“What ? You ate the entire plate !”

“Yeah, and I’m startin’ to feel sick !”

“Oh, and that got nothing to do with the entire bottle of vodka you downed by yourself last night ?”

“I-”

Eridan rolls his eyes, and Sollux consider using the sandwiches as ammo to shut him up. As he gazes upon the turkey ham, Eridan’s does too with a gasp of outrage, probably inferring what’s about to happen from the shit-eating grin on Sollux’s face.

They both reach for the plate, ready to devolve into petty fighting, when they hear a loud crack and everything turns dark.

“What the hell ?”

“Shit.”

In the dark, Sollux gets his phone, turning the light to go on a quick investigation, that quickly reveal there is nothing for them to do.

“I think the problem is bigger than just the apartment,” he says, after looking at the breaker box, who proves itself to be unhelpful.

“Have you tried-”

“Of course I fucking tried I’m not an idiot-”

“Let me-”

“Oh my god-”

He watches Eridan play with the fuse, rolling his eyes as his roommate does exactly what he did a few minutes ago.

“... I think the problem is bigger than just the apartment.”

“You don’t say !”, he gasps, sarcastically.

After a moment of silence, Eridan talks.

“At least, the fridge is empty, so we won’t lose any food.”

“Thank heaven, we’re poor. What a relief.”

Eridan sighs, looking around the inky shadows around them.

“If you want to keep your phone battery, I can get out of a few candles.”

“You got more ? Is that where the groceries money is going ?”

“Don’t tell me how to spend my money ! All you buy is chips and Monster cans.”

“Yeah, because that’s my diet.”

“This is not the argument you think it is.”

Sollux elbows Eridan in the ribs, before almost getting his feet stomped, if it wasn’t for his fast reflex. They look at each others, with defiant gaze, half illuminated in the light of their phone. 

“What now then ?” 

Eridan speaks softy, almost bashful. He waits, almost like he is bracing for a rejection.

“I don’t know,” he answers truthfully, not just talking about the electricity.

“Aren’t you afraid you’re gonna shrivel up and die if you don’t touch a screen ?”

“What am I ? A gamepire ?”

“Why does it sound like the name of one of your shitty movies ?”

He snorts, shrugging.

“Too bad, we can’t watch it right now. Any others suggestions ?”

Eridan studies him, deep in thoughts.

“Do you know how to play chess ?”

He does. And he is really fucking good at it, so Sollux answers.

“Know the basics.”

“Let’s play then.”

Eridan goes to his room, bringing back candles and a board. As he settles everything, he got a sly smile that doesn’t mean anything good.

They play. Quickly, Sollux realize something.

Eridan is very fucking good too.

In the light of the candles, they find themselves immersed in the game. Bending on each side of the coffee table, the growing cold doesn’t bother them, too focused on trying to win. Sollux assumed that his tournaments wins would make the challenge easy. But, of course, Eridan didn’t own a fancy wooden chess set just for pleasure, and so he explained, winning the first game without issues. 

Sollux has to stop the enumerations of championship by throwing a king at his face.

The next few games are spent with growing stakes, intense eye-staring contest, trying not to  be distracted of how good Eridan looks bathed in warm lights.

Eyes, stay focused on the eyes. The beautiful blue-

Fuck-

He loses a few games that he should have definitely won, but after he doesn’t know how long of playing, they managed to be tied. 

Thinking, Sollux’s twirls one of Eridan’s bishops between his fingers. The bastard caught him, but he doesn’t intend to go down that easy.

“A problem, Sol’ ?”

“Shut up, ED.”

Eridan just snorts, head resting against his palms as he waits for Sollux to take his turns.

Meanwhile, the other is deep in thoughts, calculating moves.

Still fidgeting with the bishop, he let his other hand hover over the pieces, still hesitating. Sollux is so focused, he doesn’t take attention to anything but the board, and certainly not at Eridan’s feet.

To say he jumps when he feels it brushing at the inside of his thighs, is an understatement.

“What-”

Wide-eyed, he gives an incredulous look at Eridan who bring back his leg under himself, with an innocent air.

“You touch it, you need to move it !”

Dumb-founded, Sollux looks down at the board.

“... What the fuck ?”

“That’s the rule, Captor ! Even by accident. You know it as well as me.”

His grin is wide, victorious as he points at the piece Sollux’s fingers brushed against. 

“You’re serious ?!”

“As a heart attack. Now, move that knight.”

It’s possibly the worst move he could do, and it makes him furious.

Better furious than horny because-

God, he got it so bad.

Face carefully neutral, Sollux slowly take one candle on the table, putting it on the ground next to him. Then, he does the same for the second one, all under Eridan’s confused gaze.

Once that’s done, he grabs the side of the table and flips it.

“Sol’ !”

“Oops.”

It’s his turn to have a shit-eating grin, before Eridan start to try to kick him.

“It’s fragile ! I can’t believe you broke my shit because you’re a sore loser !”

“Calm your tits, I didn’t break anything-”

“I fuckin’ hope not !”

Sollux laughs as much as Eridan grumbles, as they start to look for the pieces. It’s a tedious process, trying to find them in the low lights, but they slowly manage.

Then it happens.

It’s the most stupid thing, really. Sollux can barely believe it.

From the corner of his eyes, he sees the flick of light reflecting upon a small piece of dark wood and goes for it without thinking. He doesn’t notice Eridan doing the same until their fingers brushes together.

For a second, time stops. 

They turn toward each others, frozen. It should be nothing, and yet, in the dark, it seems the opposite. In this instant, there is nothing else but the elegant curve of Eridan’s face, the perfect arch of his lips, the fragility in his eyes. 

There is a small part of his brain that is aware of how much he had been avoiding putting himself in this situation, screaming about how stupid he was.

But Eridan’s lips part and Sollux slowly forget everything.

If he goes for it, it will change everything. 

It terrifies Sollux. 

But he wants it.

On the precipice of a capital decision, Sollux hesitates.

It’s enough to leave time for Eridan to break the spell by grabbing the chess piece and slamming it back on the board next to them.

“I feel sick,” he mutters, not able to met his eyes, “I’m gonna lay down.”

Sollux doesn’t even try to say something, because he doesn’t know what words he could possibly articulate in this instant.

Still kneeling on the ground, he hears the sound of Eridan’s door slamming shut.

Nothing happened, and it was already a mess. 

That’s what he has been trying to avoid.

Hours later, the current is still off, his phone got 2% left, and it’s freezing.

Usually running pretty hot when he slept, Sollux never bothered with getting too much blankets. Too expensive for something he didn’t quite need.

He regretted it now.

Shivering under a shredded childhood Minecraft comforter, he thought of the opulent bed of his roommate, covered in comfy blankets, like the one they used last night.

Burying his face into his pillows, he groans. 

He wished he could just go over and ask for a blanket, just as one roommate to another.

But what kind of roommate is he ? 

Instead of a normal scenario, his mind conjuring fantasies he hates and loves at the same time, of opening Eridan’s door to the smell of the lingering scented candles. Laying on the bed, he would see Eridan in his silky blue robes, and nothing more. Heavy lidded eyes as he would whisper.

“I was waitin’ for you, Sol.”

He could imagine the shapes of Eridan’s lips as he says the words, urging him into his bed. Slipping under the covers, he would slide his hands all over that soft skin. It would be warm, hot, scalding-

As he considers using the last of his phone power to check if jerking off is a good way to fight hypothermia. There is a knock on the door.

Sollux rise up in his bed, jumping as if he was just caught doing wrong.

“Yeah ?” 

Eridan opens the door, making his way in with an old candleholder in hand, looking like-

“If you’re looking for the ghost of Christmas past, that’s the other door.”

“I’m already regrettin’ my good deed.”

“It’s a bit late to try to convince Santa to give you anything but coal, Ampora.”

He rolls his eyes, setting the candle on the dresser by the door. And as he fully steps in, Sollux sees the Holy Grail under his arms. A bundle of blankets.

“Figured you might need some.”

Sollux could kiss him.

Well-

No-

Yes ?

Fuck.

“... I might.”

He is a bit too proud to admit how glad he is, but not enough to refuse the gifts.

Making his way across the room, Eridan hands it to him. To reach, he has to get out of his cocoon of sheets he had to try to create around himself, his arms exposed to the cold air once more.

“You’re shakin’,” Eridan notice, concerned, and Sollux can’t really say anything to contradict that.

Instead, he grabs the blankets, starting to layering them above him, and already he starts to feel better. 

After watching him do that, sliding a look at the door, Eridan hesitate for a second.

“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay ?”

He shrugs.

“I’ll survive.”

Sollux expect Eridan to leave fast. How could he not after what just happened ?

But instead, his roommate speaks softly.

“I could stay.” He whispers, so loud in the dark, “I don’t want to find your frozen corpse tomorrow.”

And it’s cold enough in here that Sollux’s rational brain got infected into thinking it seems like a good idea. Body heat and all. 

It’s a weak excuse, he knows as much, but the temptation is too great. His limit been stretching over time, and he doesn’t know how to keep them in place. Every moment spent with Eridan blurs the line, and Sollux can’t help wondering how bad it could be if he finally caved. 

But he still unsure how and if he should take the step into those dangerous territories. 

Yet, he still pushes the line again.

Sollux feels ashamed, as he moves to the side, lifting the comforter and patting down the empty space. Eridan doesn’t look in him in the eye as he lays down.

Quickly, he stops regretting it, when it becomes obvious how welcome the warmth of layers and another body next to him is. 

For the longest time, they don’t talk, the only sounds in the room being the rain beating against the windows and the crackle of Eridan’s candle still burning, back on the dresser. Sollux assumes that Eridan might have fall asleep, his breathing even and slow.

Still, he ends up calling him.

“ED ?”

There is a beat before Eridan answers.

“... Yeah ?”

“Thanks, for not letting me die from hypothermia.”

Eridan turns to him.

“Well, I can’t cover the rent alone, can’t I ?”

Sollux pushes himself on his side, facing Eridan. The covers slip out of his shoulders, and he is shocked by the biting cold. He covers himself back up, shivering.

In front of him, Eridan look thoughtful again, and Sollux wonders what is going through his head.

“I’m sorry you got such a bad Christmas,” his roommate says. 

“It’s fine, it’s just one time.” He deflects, “I’m more sorry for you. Did you ever have a good one ?”

Maybe Eridan is too tired, because he opens his mouth, frowning, like he is about to start bantering back, when his expression just crumbles. And Sollux has to fight himself not to reach and comfort him.

“... Not really.” He says, “Kinda always sucked.”

Shifting closer, Sollux lose the battle when faced with Eridan’s dejected expression, and he put on a hand on Eridan’s, giving it a squeeze. It’s nothing he wouldn’t do for a friend, or at least, that’s what he tells himself, as he lets their fingers tangles together.

“It was already bad when my mom was still here,” Eridan ends up saying, not looking at Sollux, “It always ended in a fight. My father always criticized every time she's done for the holiday, an’ even before that, like he was baitin’ for her to get mad. An’ she always did.”

Recounting those awful memories, his voice trembles, and Sollux’s hearts ache for him.

“Then she-” He hesitates, “She was gone, an’ he started doin’ the same to us. It felt like a fucked up performance review where he would just shit on you for a three hours meal, an’ you had to be pretend that you didn’t want to kill yourself and that you were listenin’ to his advice.”

He exhales, before an empty chuckle get out of him, before he finally looks up to Sollux.

“I don’t know why I’m tellin’ you all that.”

“Maybe it’s the tequila ?” Sollux jokes.

“Must be,” Eridan answers, burying half of his face into the pillow.

And he looks so cute, like this, so close. His expression relaxes, as if there are not just roommates but something, a situation where they can open to each others, trusting enough to share painful memories with the assurance they will be listened and care for.

Eridan’s hand is so cold in his, and he squeezes it again.

“You know, if you need to experience something different, you could always come with me next year.”

He doesn’t know what possess him to say that, and seeing Eridan’s befuddled expression, he doesn’t either.

“Don’t say this kind of shit, Sol’” Eridan whispers, hurt making his voice shake. “I hate when you do this.”

“What ?”

Eridan turns away, his back against the mattress, head looking towards the door. 

“You’re sayin’ this, but tomorrow you will act like nothin’ happened.” He tears off his hand away from Sollux’s grasp, bringing it to his face, voice cracking, “I can pretend you didn’t hold me last night. I can ignore how you look at me. But promises you won’t keep ? Don’t do this. Don’t give me empty words if you don’t mean them.”

Sollux’s heart drop when he realizes that the moment he had been playing with. The final stretch of those limits he had been testing.

“I’m sorry.” That all he can say.

“Don’t be.”

Guilt weighs heavier when out in the open, Sollux realize as much. He wants to explain himself, why he is doing what he does, how much he is doing for Eridan too, but would any words be enough to justify toying with their feelings for two years ? 

He wants to reach out, to make things right, but it would change everything.

But he can’t stand seeing how much he had been hurting Eridan. How wrong it is.

“Eridan-”

“Sometimes I just want to indulge in some warmth,” he whispers back, “I know I shouldn’t, but you make it hard not to, Sollux.”

The silence is heavy, but it’s hard not to notice the sniffling Eridan is trying discreetly to hide.

It breaks his heart, and he can’t continue like this. 

“Eridan,” he repeats, getting closer.

Still, he refuse to look at him, but he doesn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry.”

Eridan glances at Sollux, lip pinched and the most devastated expression on his face.

“I know,” he says pointedly. “But it doesn’t change anythin’, does it ?”

It doesn’t and Sollux had known as much for a long time.

Suddenly, it hits him that they can’t go on like this. He can’t.

How could he act like usual, when he knows the wave in Eridan’s voice when he is about to cry because of him ? When he could imagine the clear hurt on his face when he retreats into his room ? When he was aware of how much pain he was causing to the guy he had feelings for ? 

Shit.

Looking at Eridan’s profile, Sollux realized this is enough. Enough of games, enough of pretending. 

Slowly, he wrapped an arm around Eridan’s middle, wondering if Eridan will jump out of here. But he doesn’t, staying limp as he gets turned back to face Sollux. Even in the low lights, Eridan eye’s shines with unshed tears.

How many times did this happened ? How many times will it happen again ?

Sollux doesn’t know, but he is tired of hurting them both for something that isn’t happening. If he is fucking it all up anyway, might as well go all the way.

He presses his lips against Eridan’s. 

And quickly draws back, when the soft lips under him stay inert, unresponsive. He is about to apologize, wondering if this was a mistake too, when Eridan finally look up at him with glassy eyes.

“Fuck.” He says, weakly, before reaching back up for Sollux.

Eridan’s lips slide against his, hesitant, shy at first. At least, until Sollux grabs the side of his face to angle it better, letting his thumb brush against the elegant curve of his cheeks, and Eridan inhales, sharply. His lips part, the kiss growing heated as he twists his fingers into Sollux’s sweater to get him closer.

Their bodies snap together, like magnets suddenly free to meet. Legs tangles and hands explores. Sollux feels like a dam burst opened, drinking from Eridan’s lips like a thirsty man in the desert. 

Every thought of how stupid this could be is washed away, gone into what’s rushing through his veins.

Wants, hunger.

He can’t believe how hard he had been fighting this.

It sucks.

It sucks because this is exactly what he had pictured would happen, something intense and devouring. The kind of moment that makes his focus rush to a single point, like when he won those stupid chess tournaments or when he is about to finish a long coding project. Only a thousand time hotter.

His hands slide on Eridan’s hips, tracing the body he caught glances at a few blessed times. There are clothes in the way, and he wants to tear it off with his teeth. He feels a little feral, a little out of his mind with what’s happening right now. And the way Eridan bite his lower lips isn’t helping, that’s for sure.

Sollux loves this.

His hand slide between the layer of Eridan’s clothes, brushing against the skin of his stomach-

“Cold !” Eridan gasps, batting Sollux’s hand away.

They look at each others, breathing heavy, as what Eridan did sink in.

“Sorry-”

Eridan tries to apologize, but Sollux just snorts, diving back to mouth at his jaw, and all the words are forgotten, replaced by Eridan’s soft sighs as he throws back his head.

Tasting his soft skin, Sollux has the genius’s idea to slide his hand between Eridan’s tights, earning a confused noise.

“What-”

“Warming up my hand, ED.”

Eridan seems to get the message, squeezing his legs closer. As they kiss again, slowly exploring how well their lips can fit together, Sollux’s thumb gently brushing back and forth on the meat of the thigh his hand is trapped in.

No dream was ever as hot as what’s happening right now.

Sollux couldn’t say how long they stay like that, leeching from each other's warmth, lips sealed together, but it feels like an eternity. Yet, he doesn’t mind it. 

He could stay like that, exchanging long kisses, only interrupted by short moments where he flutters his eyes opens and see Eridan under him, face flushed, eyes half-lidded as he pants, looking for air. 

It’s a heavenly sight that he should have never witnessed. 

But it’s too late to go back now.

Instead, he let his newly warm hand go back to his original mission, sliding under the layers of Eridan’s clothes. 

Into the kiss, Eridan make a low sound of appreciation, as he traces along his hipbones, bunching up the fabrics as he goes up, smooth skin under his fingers.

“Shit,” Eridan curses, as he gets exposed when Sollux grabs his pecs.

“Don’t like that ?” he whispers back, pressing on his nipple with the pad of his fingers.

“I do.” His answer is a bit desperate, whiny. “I’m just- It’s too cold, Sol’.”

Leaning his body into the touch, Eridan sounds pained as he admits that, and Sollux does too. He can’t believe something so stupid keeps him from finally getting Eridan naked. But he can feel him shiver under him, not all cause by his own touch.

As unnatural as it feels, he covers Eridan back up, before moving above him. 

He knows he runs naturally warm, and he doesn’t mind his body to-

With his move, blankets starts to fall down from his back, and he quickly realizes that the cold might be a bigger problem than he thought.

Muttering an insult to himself, he decides to get maximum heat by taking the blanket and covering them both entirely with it. It gets dark, but his eyes adjust to the limited luminosity while Eridan snorts.

He looks a bit sad, biting on his lower lip. One of his legs wraps around Sollux, as he reaches up with his lower body, making them both shiver where they met.

“Should we stop here then ?”

“Holy shit, Ampora,” Sollux says, pressing his body down on him, showing how little intention his body as in stopping, “It’s like you want me to get frostbite on my dick.”

“That’s the worst dirty talk I ever heard.”

“That’s not dirty talk, that’s just the truth. If it falls off, it’s your fault.”

“Would be too bad…” Eridan says.

He wraps his arms around Sollux’s, bringing down for a languorous kiss before whispering.

“... to lose something before I could ever get a taste.”

His eyes are burning and Sollux groans as he hears that, hiding his face into his collarbone, only to feel Eridan trying not to laugh. 

He got a vexing way to play coy then pervert in a heartbeat. It makes Sollux’s blood rush to places. 

“Okay, you’re better than me at this dirty talk shit.”

“Maybe you should give it another go,” he says, voice dripping with want. And Sollux realize that he isn’t the only one living one of his fantasies right now, “Call it a Christmas gift.”

Being in the dark, under the covers, it makes Sollux feels braver than usual, especially with Eridan’s lips right here, and his body burning and flushed against him.

“I really want to fuck you.”

He means it as a dirty provocation, but it comes out as the desperate plea it is, before he crushes his lips against Eridan’s again. 

That what he wants after all, to throw himself into it. He wants their bodies without any obstacles, rutting against each other like they will die if they stop. He wants to make Eridan scream his name and only his name, he wants to fuck the language out of him. He wants his moans, and his teeth, and his kisses, and his skin. He wants to fall apart in his body. He wants all of him.

But it’s not right, not like this, and it’s killing him.

They kiss softer this time, a little regretful, knowing they can’t do what they have been wanting all this time. But Sollux quickly think of a way to mitigate the loss.

He wants to hear Eridan gasping his name tonight.

So, this time, he let his hand go straight to the point.

Eridan shivers, but doesn’t jump this time, as fingers slide under the elastic of his pants.

“That’s all you got ?” He exhales softly, starting to move his hips ever so slowly into the hand wrapped around him. And Sollux can only look, captivated. “Tell me somethin’ I don’t know.”

“I thought about that,” is what he blurs out.

“Hm ?” Eridan give a slight nod, urging him to continue talking. And he does, for some reason.

“I thought about what you looked like when you’re getting touched.”

“Oh.”

Eridan opens his mouth to say something, only to stutter, a low sound of pleasure catching in his throat before he manages to compose himself again.

“Does it live to the fantasy ?”

Sollux looks down at him, seeing the desire in his lover’s eye, his lips parted as he breathes louder, the quiet desperation in the way he moves. He can’t help being honest.

“You look prettier.”

Eridan looks away, embarrassed but smiling as he pushes his hips a little harder into Sollux’s touch. 

“You’re just sayin’ that.”

“Are you seriously fishing for compliments, ED ?”

He doesn’t deny it, smiling when Sollux kisses him. 

Instead, he sticks his hands in the gap between Sollux’s sweater and his shirt, Eridan’s fingers dancing on his skin through a layer. At least, until they warmed enough to proceed with more licentious intentions.

Sollux stops hovering, too distracted by the hand sliding in his boxer. He lays down on his side, half-over Eridan, unwilling to let their bodies get farther than this. Leaving a trail of kisses on his lover’s exposed skin, he can only appreciate the way Eridan match his pace, achefully slow in his touch.

The smell of sweat and warmth start to build under the covers, but Sollux doesn’t mind, too taken by how hot Eridan looks like that, with soft sighs and pretty shakes.

As he licks and teases at Eridan’s throat, he hears him exhale.

“I didn’t think you would be that nice,” Eridan confess.

That get Sollux’s attention, forcing him to take a look at Eridan’s face.

“If you w-” He shallows a groan as Sollux thumbs at the tip of his dick, “-were to get me into your bed.”

Sollux smirks, lips hovering Eridan’s, just out of reach.

“Yeah,” he whispers, “I imagined it less tamed too.”

“Special Christmas thin’ then ?”

“Yeah,” Sollux says, kissing him, “Won’t be as nice next time.”

It gets a moan out of Eridan, who bite down on his lips, looking away.

He is right about it, though. It is much softer than Sollux expected. It’s confusing but, right this instant, not unwelcome. It’s been a while since he took his time to enjoy something, someone, and it feels incredible. 

Probably more because it’s Eridan who is pressed against him, flushing and panting in his mouth in between sloppy kisses. His long, delicate fingers wrapped around him, building up the rhythm as they lost themselves into the heat.

It has been an awful lot of time since he really liked someone as much as he does this insufferable asshole. But, right now, his only regret is not having done this sooner.

Sollux presses their forehead together, eyes focused on Eridan’s expression as he moves his hand faster and faster.

“D-Don’t look, it’s fuckin’- fuckin’ creepy,” the redhead stutters, his other hand sliding into Sollux’s hair to hold him in place.

Sollux ignores the contradiction, picking up the pace, he watches how long Eridan’s eyelashes looks fluttering like this.

He looks the picture of a wet dream, here in the dark. Beautiful and erotic and so painfully Eridan.

Sollux shudders, inhaling sharply.

“Eridan I-”

“Sol’-”

Under the covers, they are as close as one can be, tangled into each others, not knowing where one ends and the other begins.

Eridan comes first, gasping, hiding his face in Sollux’s neck as he shakes, and Sollux follows right after.

Here, trying to breathe, hands a little too sticky, they stay like that for a moment, before finally looking at each other.

They laugh, Sollux isn’t certain of why, but post-coital hormones are a hell of a drug, and he just enjoys it, getting his hand out of sticky places. As they move, the covers fall, exposing them back to the cold, but Sollux barely minds, too engrossed by the flush on his lover’s face.

Absentmindedly, he brings his fingers to his mouth, trying to get rid of the stickiness on his hand. But before he can, Eridan grabs his wrist with an outraged expression.

“Don’t be gross, Captor, oh my god-”

“What ? You’re the one who mentioned wanting a taste, can’t I do the same ?”

“That’s not-” He groans, guiding Sollux’s hand to the side when he tries to go for it again. “Don’t you have tissues ?!”

Sollux gives a nod towards the box, on the nightstand.

“Right here ? Real classy Captor.”

“Gotta have them on hands when living with you.”

“Fuckin’ hell-”

Eridan looks embarrassed, but his sly smile betray that he doesn’t dislike the attention, which leave Sollux satisfied enough to take the tissue without others complain.

Cleaned as best as they can, they hide back under the covers, and Eridan place himself just like last night, his back against Sollux’s front.

He wraps an arm around him, enjoying the feeling of doing this without any alcohol as an excuse, letting himself fall asleep.

But as his eyes close, he whispers.

“ED ?”

“Hm ?”

“Does that make it to Top 1 Christmas or-”

“Go to sleep, moron.”

It’s said with affection, as Eridan lace their fingers together.

So Sollux fall asleep, a weight being lifted from his shoulders.

He wakes up warm. Too warm. There are movements next to him, and, without thinking, he reaches, and finds empty space.

This time, when his eyes flutter open, Sollux knows what he is expecting.

It’s impossible to forget what happened last night.

In the gray light of the morning, Sollux’s computer lights are blinking in the corner, covering the blank walls with red and blue. Eridan is sitting at the edge of the bed, not moving. His back turned to Sollux.

“ED ?” he mutters.

He turns every slightly to look at him, apprehension in his eyes.

“Electricity’s back.”

“Okay ?”

He still feels a little too fuzzy, unfocused, to properly understand what Eridan is thinking just from his miserable expression.

“Okay,” the redhead repeats, looking back at the door. “Okay.”

Eridan start standing up, and that’s when Sollux’s brain start braining.

Catching his lover’s wrist in his hand, he asks.

“Where are you going ?” 

“My room ?” He says, like it’s obvious and terrible at the time.

Sollux blinks, confused and still too tired to be dealing with this properly.

“How much of an asshole do you think I am ?” he says, wrapping an arm around Eridan’s middle, “Come back here.”

He doesn’t feel as brave in the light than yesterday, exposed, there is no hiding any feelings anymore. Where the fuck is this situation going ? 

Facts are, they are roommates, it’s a bad idea to pursue a relationship with him.

And he has chosen to, anyway.

He made his decision last night. And he intends to follow it through.

Eridan doesn’t seem to believe him. His eyes still sad, his expression raw, like he is expecting for the other shoe to drop. Yet, he slides back in the bed, looking pained as Sollux closes his arms around him.

Sollux wonders how long it will take now, for Eridan to trust him not to change his mind. A fair assumption, after two years of playing games.

This will be a problem.

Later.

Because right now, he holds his lover tight and go back to sleep. 

“Did you manage to do something special on Christmas ?” 

Sollux can barely hear his father’s voice with the noise behind him. He recognizes the loud, booming voice of his brother arguing with someone in the background, and the TV being way too loud.

Thinking about what to say, he peeks into the kitchen, watching Eridan. He is looking at the soup box like it’s about to reveal secrets to him, frowning deeply. Sollux leans against the doorway, watching as he slams it back on the table, before starting to looking through the shelves.

He gets a fascinated by a sliver of pale skin being revealed, as Eridan’s shirt rise up when he tries to catch something Sollux had purposely hidden high. 

“Sollux ?” His father calls.

Eridan finally get his hand on what he was looking for, giving Sollux a dirty look and mouthing what’s probably an insult to him. But he knows him enough to recognize there is no real bite behind it.

Not when he is calmly walking around, a fresh trail of hickey down his throat. 

Sollux shrugs, as his lover rolls his eyes, putting more ingredients on the table. Like any of them is able to cook.

Whatever, he thinks, too busy wondering if Eridan will accept being bent over this table.

Probably not for their first time. 

But he isn’t giving up the idea. Seriously, that table is, like, the perfect height-

“Sollux ?” His father repeats, “Are you still here ?” 

“Sorry,” he finally answers, “Yeah. Don’t worry about me.”

Turning around, Sollux ignores Eridan’s soft smile as he answers to his dad.

“Christmas went better than I expected.”