Chapter Text
Chapter 1- When I die, please find a way to still be happy (No bitch, don’t die)
(Past)
It felt like a lifetime ago—distant enough that it barely felt like him. As if he wasn’t the one who lived this.
They sat in a quiet forest clearing, far from the village, far from the war, far from everything that would later go wrong. The forest was cloaked in pitch black, there’s a chill in the air biting his skin, and the only source of warmth is the small fire in front of them. Kakashi watched fish cook over the fire beside his newfound best friend, smoke curling lazily into the canopy above.
Back then, he knew how to keep a promise.
Rin who cried with him at Obito’s funeral. Rin who resolutely stood by his side during the Uchiha inquisition, even when she was shaking too. Rin who stood next to him at the altar as Obito’s stand-in, smiling through grief like it was something that could be managed if you were kind enough.
Rin was his anchor. She’s an integral part of his moral compass.
Looking back, maybe life would’ve been easier if he’d just fallen in love with her.(If he ever said that out loud, she’d punch him.)
Brown eyes lifted to him, unusually serious. Her lips pressed into a thin line.
“Hey, Kakashi. Since it’s just the two of us left…” She hesitated, then looked him dead in the eye. “Promise me that even if I die, you’ll still find a way to be happy. Okay?”
“Maah.” He waved her off, uncomfortable. “I’ll die before you. What’s with this topic?” At the time, it was absolute certainty. He would honor Obito’s promise. Kakashi would protect Rin—even if it killed him.He’d die trying.
“I don’t need protection, I can make my own choices just fine,” There’s a twitch of annoyance in her frown. Obito’s death hardened Rin, in contrast to the way it broke the unbreakable Kakashi. “I’m serious,” she said. Her smile was sweet enough to rot teeth. “If I die, I’ll watch from heaven, and you better be living your best life. So help me, Kami.”
Rin was patient. Rin was kind. Rin was everything nice.
But Rin also had a ruthless streak—one that always got what it wanted.
Obito never saw that side of her. He let her have her way too easily, only ever knowing the agreeable Rin. Kakashi, stubborn to the core, learned better after she got over him.
She dragged him away from the memorial stone with strength he didn’t know she had. Hauled him to the hospital after missions he tried to walk off, pretending he was fine (he’s not). She laughed openly at his flustered ramblings when he met Obito’s grandmother.
Rin meant well. If she had to strong-arm him into surviving, she would.
”You’re my best friend too, so I would want you to live a good life even if I’m not here anymore.” She added. “Kakashi, promise me.”
He didn’t remember what he answered that day. Probably something stupid. Something flippant. He remembered getting slapped on the arm and then healed immediately after.
Did she know she was going to die? Because a few months later, she died.
Or rather—she chose how she would die. (Because Rin knows damn well how to make her own choices and anyone who says otherwise, she would pinch)
Kakashi hadn’t taken care of himself since. Not really. There was bitterness layered beneath the grief, sharp and ugly: Rin chose Konoha over him, too.
Like everyone else did.
Her body had impaled itself on his Chidori. Her eyes faded with his name on her lips.
Sweet. Kind. Everything nice.
And still—she had to get her way, right to the very end.
To protect Konoha, she used him.
He drowned in despair for years over failing Obito’s promise, long enough to forget he’d made one to Rin as well.
Promise me that even if I die, you still have to find a way to be happy, okay?
For five years after her death, Hatake Kakashi was not happy.
Rin was probably cracking her knuckles in heaven, watching his life unravel into a long-running tragedy with every suicide mission he’s taking.
(Served her right for dying like that.)
But a promise was a promise.
Even if the people he loved were in a competition for who traumatized him the most.
His father—dead by suicide.
His first love—crushed under a rockfall.
His best friend—impaled herself on his chidori.
His sensei—died sealing a demon god.
The grand winner?— Congratulations, Nohara Rin!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Present)
He didn’t know why he was thinking about Rin while listening to the Third Hokage drone on and on. The Hokage Residence felt colder than usual. The village outside, darker.
“If the Mokuton experiments had succeeded,” Sarutobi said tiredly, pipe smoke curling upward, “Minato might still be alive. But too many died. It remained nothing more than a pipe dream.”
Kakashi wanted a drag of that pipe. Kami, was there a breakdown in communication somewhere?
How did the Third gloss over the fact that Shimura Danzo wanted him dead?
The realization was nauseating.
Minato and Kushina’s deaths. Danzō ordering jōnin to stand down during the Kyūbi attack. Danzō smearing the Hokage’s name. Danzō assigning Kakashi missions meant to grind him down. Danzō asking him—him—to assassinate Sarutobi.
The devil worked hard. Shimura Danzō worked harder.
Promise me that even if I die, you still have to find a way to be happy.
Based on their disappointing conversation, Kinoe would be protected. That much Sarutobi promised.
But Kakashi was done.
If Danzō assassinated the Third, he’d take the Hokage mantle. And if Sarutobi could ignore attempts on his own life, who would stop Danzō from coming for the last Hatake?
Everything wrong in Kakashi’s life traced back to him. Even Sakumo’s death didn’t feel accidental anymore.
When Orochimaru defected, Kakashi’s suspicions crystallized. Danzō was clearing the board.
Danzo was going to ultimately kill the Sandaime and is weeding out his competitors with the highest stakes to the Hokage position. The Sandaime's students, the Senju main family's matrilineal line— the Uzumakis and the Hatakes, and Kami forbid, the other Konoha founding family, the Uchihas.
Namikaze Minato, dead. Uzumaki Kushina, dead.
Orochimaru, now an S-class rogue due to his revealed human experimentation.
Jiraiya, no need to sabotage, the guy was roaming the continent and it’s a cold day in hell when he’d even be interested in the Hokage Office.
Senju Tsunade,would rather die than step foot back in Konoha.
That left the Hatakes.
It narrowed to him and his father. The fact that Danzo was so threatened, was because Senju Hashirama and Senju Tobirama’s mother is a Hatake. Tobirama’s snow white hair wasn’t subtle. Kakashi had been compared to the Nidaime since childhood: their genius, their penchant for inventing jutsu, their shared hair color.
Hatake Sakumo—dead.
The last threat? Hatake Kakashi.
His ANBU missions were getting worse. Bloodier. Narrow escapes were routine now.
So, quietly, sitting alone in his apartment, Kakashi decided: Hatake Kakashi would die too.
He looked up at the pale moon outside his window. The moonlight washed his room in silver. At that exact moment, he didn’t want to exist anymore. Or maybe he just needed a very long vacation, he needed to reconnect with nature—six feet under or otherwise.
Konohagakure was a cage. Hi no Kuni never felt like home to him anyway.
He’s done. He wants out.
The past twenty years of his life, didn't feel like living. He was nothing but a tool to Konoha. One of the swords that will be laid to rest. Another name in a cold stone, another body in an unmarked grave.
He was more excited planning his death, than planning his living moments. (and oh, he planned meticulously.)
"I'm doing good, better than ever. I can't exactly tell you about my missions, but I complete them as well."
He stared at the name Uchiha Obito in the memorial stone. All he got was the name, but no body. He traced the surname— Uchiha. He kept his name Hatake Kakashi in official papers, as the last of his clan, the clan of the mother of the Shodaime and the Nidaime. Warring State archaic policies forbids someone last of his clan to change surnames, damn it. But in the Uchiha family registry, he remembered crying silently when for the first and only time, Obito's grandmother added his name as "Uchiha Kakashi", approved by the clan head.
He stared at Rin's name in the memorial stone, and ranted to her about all these in his mind. Danzo, his frustrations with the third, and his exit plan. He imagines that Rin would nod her head, and say "About damn time."
When he stands in the memorial stone, he tells Obito all the nice things in his life so far. There wasn’t much nice things in his life, just that he’s still alive, somehow.
While with Rin? He rants to her about the annoyances.
“I don’t know why you even died for the village, Rin. It wasn’t worth it. Maybe you could have befriended the three tails and we’d be floating somewhere in the Land of Water by now.” Kakashi thought silently.
His preparations are now almost complete. Kinoe was now relatively safe under the Sandaime's protection. He wrote Naruto in his will and left his estate to the boy. He had scrolls upon scrolls filled with some money, basic necessities, disguise outfits, fake papers and cover stories.
"So hey, you're right, Rin. It's a bit late— I promise to you, I'm going to be happy."
Even if it killed Hatake Kakashi to do it.