Chapter Text
It happens on accident, the first time.
Neil is fucking into her relentlessly, demanding she come untouched before he breeds her this time. Andrew had no problem waiting them out, watching with mild interest at the way Kevin really and truly falls apart at the seams. When she's close and her nails are bound to draw blood from Andrew's hips, he cups her chin and lifts her face to ask, "You're gonna come, aren't you, mommy?"
Neil and Kevin both went rigid. Andrew let his eyes wander, but Neil's eyes were wide with surprise. His shoulder shifts as he moves his hand between them, then he hisses in surprise.
"She just-"
"Of course she did. She's a good mommy," Andrew repeats the word in a softer voice this time, caressing his thumb across Kevin's cheek. She's trembling now, reaching behind to push Neil away. He goes with ease, hard cock and potential orgasm abandoned.
"Stop saying that," Kevin whispers, her voice thick. She gently pushes Neil's hands off of her as she climbs out of the bed. Andrew watches her go, stepping into their ensuite. She doesn't lock the door, so he isn't worried.
"I probably should've waited on that one, huh?" he asks Neil, coaxing him up the mattress. Neil curls up in his lap, the two of them watching the bathroom door, sex abandoned. Neil drifts off, but Andrew stays vigilant as he hears the shower run. He can vaguely hear Kevin going through all of her nightly routine before she re-emerges. "You okay?"
She nods, eyes distant. "Why did you do that?"
"Logical next step, in my mind," Andrew says. "Was it too much?"
"Yes and no," she says in a whisper after hearing a quiet snore from Neil, dropping her volume so she didn't disturb him. "It took me by surprise. He wasn't upset?"
"Just concerned. We both were," Andrew says as he opens his arm. She hesitates only for a second before climbing back onto the bed, pressing against his side.
"Thank you," Kevin whispered against the curve of his neck before pressing a soft kiss against the underside of his jaw.
"Nothing to thank me for. We-" Andrew grimaces and clenches his jaw. He and Neil don't need the sentiment, but Kevin does. It just still makes his throat tight sometimes. "We love you. Even if that means setting limits. We care more for you than about getting off. You know that, right?"
Kevin kisses Andrew's cheek now. "Yes. Thank you."
He nods. He'll accept gratitude for vulnerability. That was a struggle he needed recognition for. Kevin was so free with her words and emotions with them. He was trying to be able to meet her where she was. She never pushed, but Andrew felt he always came up short.
"If I want to keep calling you that, would you be amenable?"
"You? Just you?"
Andrew shrugs. "I'm a bit fucked up, if you hadn't noticed."
"Why do you want to call me that?"
"It just feels right."
Kevin nods and squeezes his waist before they both move to get a bit more comfortable. Neil grunts and blinks his eyes open, smiling sleepily at Kevin. He kisses her bicep and presses his cheek against the muscle before closing his eyes again. He's back to snoring quietly in under a minute, exhausted and content. Kevin catches Andrew watching him with unfiltered affection. He can feel the muscles he has to shift to glare at her, expression hardening once more. It's lighthearted, sure, but he still despises vulnerability.
"I need to think about it."
"Take all the time you need. I won't say it again until you tell me I can."
2 weeks later when they're back in their usual places, Kevin lifts her head to plead with Andrew, "Say it."
His grin is wicked as he grabs her jaw, forcing eye contact as he croons, "Come for him, mommy."
Her eyes roll back, the intensity of her orgasm crashing through her. Neil groans and follows behind quickly, teeth buried in her shoulder. He shares a look with Andrew before they both turn their attention to a half-conscious Kevin. She makes a quiet, affectionately annoyed sound before muttering, "Good."
Neil surges forward to kiss her as he pulls out, hands sliding up her sides before giving her tits a squeeze.
"Can't wait til you're knocked up, Kev." He doesn't say it. Andrew watches a barely there tension bleed from her. Maybe it does need to only be Andrew. He makes a mental note to mention it to Neil later as they move around him. His mouth is warm and inviting, sliding home inside it as he drops his head back and moans low. Kevin holds him and this time Andrew turns to press his cheek against her chest, nose tucked under her jaw as he lets Neil pull him to pieces.
She strokes his hair and cradles him to her chest. Something inside Andrew breaks with Neil's thumb in his mouth. He shoves them both off before clambering out of the bed, heart racing and eyes wide. He holds a hand up and they both stay on the bed.
"Phobos," he whispers, their code word. The code word that Andrew has now been the only one to use. 3 times. His hands are shaking as he leaves their bedroom, stumbling down the hallway to the guest room. He locks the bedroom door, then the bathroom door, and spends an indeterminate amount of time in the shower under a spray so hot he knows he'll need to apply burn cream to the low level irritation once he dries himself off.
He knows the 3 of them have a dynamic that can be described best as fucked up. They've made attempts to make new, specifically queer friends, and been pushed out after explaining that Andrew and Kevin aren't fucking but still present for sex. They don't see a problem with it, but now they know to leave others out of it.
But this, to find that safety wrapped in a woman's arms in a way Andrew never felt before or after Cas, to find it in Kevin? To find it in Kevin while she openly embraces him, whispering praise that sends his stomach rolling on good days and his mind into an abyss on the bad ones is terrifying. Neil pressing his thumb into his mouth like that was new, but the look on his face had been inquisitive. Of course he'd already figured Andrew out, his fucking junkie. Of course he was that in tune that Andrew hadn't realized it. He'd given him the same gentle push in the right direction as they'd given to Kevin countless times before.
When he opens the guest bedroom door, two bodies fall through backwards. Kevin and Neil had fallen asleep with their backs pressed to the door. Neil is first off the floor, crowding into Andrew's space. He doesn't touch him, but his eyes are searching. Andrew lifts his arms and shows the old scarring to Neil, proof there were no new ones, and he nods before circling around Andrew. Nothing on his back from ramming his shoulders into hard edges of counters, nothing that could be blamed on practice if he was pressed. He hadn't been self destructive this time, at least.
"Yes or no?" Neil asks once back in front of Andrew.
"Hug. Shoulders."
He's wrapped up tight, Neil's face pressed into his still damp hair as he breathes him in. He presses their cheeks together in lieu of the kiss Andrew knows he wants but does not push for. Maybe he can when he goes back to bed.
"Me and Kevin are going to talk. You'll wait for us?"
"I can't be here?"
"Not yet."
Neil frowns but he knows Andrew will let him know when he's ready. He squeezes Andrew's shoulders before releasing him. As he passes by, he pets across Kevin's cheek before shutting the door behind himself.
Andrew stares at it until he hears their bedroom door click shut, Neil making sure it was loud enough to be heard. Andrew's heart aches at how much he gives them, and he turns to Kevin so he can get through this as quickly as possible.
"You make me feel safe."
Her jaw drops and she stares at Andrew in surprise. "What?"
"When you..." he pauses and clenches his jaw, his next words hissing through his teeth, "When you hold me. While Neil- after the two of you."
"Oh," she says quietly, pulling her robe tighter across her shoulders. "That's bad?"
"Potentially." She doesn't say anything, merely perches on the edge of the mattress and watches Andrew expectantly. She knows by now that pushing and prodding won't make this go any faster. Andrew hates her for it, he tells himself, for not giving him the out to do this later. "It's how you make me feel safe. It's wrong."
"Do we need to stop?" Kevin asks softly. She doesn't sound disappointed, instead concerned. For Andrew. For his well-being. He wants to wrap his fingers around her neck and choke her out. Neil is already too much. He doesn't deserve this from someone who gets nothing from him in return. He shakes out his hands and turns away from her, starting to pace back and forth in front of the door. He clenches his fists to keep his fingers from trembling. "Andrew, if we need to-"
"You make me feel like a child when you hold me."
Her face turns white and falls into something terrified. "I-I didn't mean to trigger you-" she starts, voice hollow, eyes petrified.
"No," Andrew stops her. "Not- Not like that. Not that kind."
She swallows audibly and nods, her own fists to hide trembling fingers clenched in her lap, pushing down against her thighs to ground herself.
"It feels good. Which is wrong."
She still doesn't speak. She watches and waits until he can continue.
"Calling you that- Earlier. Neil's thumb, you holding me. I felt like a kid. It felt... good. But that's wrong."
Kevin frowns now, tilting her head. "How did you feel like a kid?"
"Small. Vulnerable. In my mother's lap- held to her bosom," he says the latter half with his lip curled in disgust.
"You... see me as your mother?"
His eyes flick up to Kevin and she's tearing up. Her hands are over her mouth. Andrew turns away quickly and reaches to pull at his hair. Of course he's fucking this up. Of course he is-
Warm hands hold his biceps.
"Andrew. It's okay."
"No it isn't," he hisses out, yanking at his hair. The spikes of pain keep him from floating into the terror running through him, the self-disgust pulling at him. The memory of hands taking and holding and pinning and prying away his safety in childhood. He shoves her hands away and drops to his knees, groaning in annoyance. When was he finally going to move past this? Why did it have to ruin every aspect of his life?
He can feel the carpet dip as Kevin no doubt joins him on the floor. She doesn't touch him this time, but her words are soft, like she's placating a cornered animal. "I did some research after you called me that. Am I bad for liking it, too? What's happening, here?"
"I'm bad. For liking that feeling." Andrew lifts his head, vision blurry from tears threatening to fall. Kevin doesn't look angry or disgusted, she merely looks concerned. For Andrew. Not for herself or anyone else. Just him. As any good mother would be.
"I think you're having a subdrop," Kevin says quietly. "You can't stop thinking about it, can you?'
Andrew shakes his head.
"I'm going to get Neil. The two of you should sleep without me tonight. I'll make a palette on the floor. You need a bit of distance and some reassurance. I can tell him what's happening?"
"No," Andrew rasps.
"No what?"
"None of that. Don't leave me," he finds himself pleading, voice small.
"I'm not. I'll be in the room. You just need to be able to get out of this. It's okay," she reassures him, stepping into his space. "Can I hold you?"
Andrew swallows thickly but nods without giving it a second thought. She wraps him up and cradles the back of his head to her chest. He briefly feels relief before that disgust bubbles up, his own words calling her echoing in his mind. He pulls away and covers his mouth as he swallows back a vicious gag.
"See?" she says quietly. "Only some space. Come with me to Neil." She leads the way, aware of how Andrew needs his eyes on everyone in this situation. He doesn't listen as she talks to Neil, standing in the doorway glaring at his feet, mentally berating any tear still welling should it break rank to fall. When Neil's feet come into his peripheral, he tenses up.
"Drew?" his voice is quiet. Like he, too, is placating a cornered animal. "Sit in the bathroom with me while I get ready for bed. Yes or no?"
"I don't need looking after."
"No. But I like when you're with me." It's to give Kevin time to set up a floor palette. He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a breath that does nothing to steady himself before nodding. When they step back out, Kevin has the air mattress on the floor of Andrew's side of the bed. It's covered with her favorite blanket and some pillows from the spare room. She's sitting cross legged, braiding her hair down. Her smile is warm when she sees Andrew. He pulls a shirt from his dresser and walks it over to her, fingers clenched tight in the black fabric as he offers it to her. She smiles and pushes her robe off her shoulders before pulling it on, swimming in the material before sighing happily to herself.
"Thank you."
Andrew nods to her before climbing in to curl up against Neil. He holds him to his chest, arms tight around his waist before kissing Neil's forehead. Neil hums happily and tucks his face in the curve of Andrew's neck, sighing quietly. It feels wrong not to have Kevin on the other side, cheek resting on his shoulder as he pets through her hair. When he looks to her side of the bed, she's still sitting up, watching him.
"Just waiting until you fall asleep."
Andrew huffs out a sigh before holding his hand out to her. "Don't like you down there."
"I'm worried I'll trigger you-"
"Guilt is worse."
"You don't need to feel guilty."
"Well, I do. Get up here. Neil can be middle tonight."
He lifts his head and hums inquisitively, blinking open sleepy eyes. "What?"
"Switch with me. Don't like Kevin on the floor."
Neil hums again, pushing up onto his hands to lift himself around Andrew. Kevin stares at his backside before sighing quietly and joining them in bed. She holds his waist before offering her hand to Andrew. He stares at it for a second before taking her wrist and sitting her palm on his chest.
"Good night," Neil says between them, squishing himself down and making a happy noise.
Kevin says it back as she tucks her face in his hair. Andrew watches them fall asleep, taking time to trace the planes of both his partner's bodies. Maybe he should do some research, too. Kevin isn't allowed to be the most prepared out of the 3 of them.