Work Text:
*A relaxing day at the cult, when suddenly...:*
Heket:
There! Right there!
Look at that tan well-tendend skin
Look at the killer shape he's in
Look at that slightly stubly chin
Oh please he's gay, totally gay
Kallamar:
I'm not about to celebrate
Every trait could indicate
A totally straight expatriate
This guy's not gay, I say, not gay
Kallamar, Heket, Shamura, Narinder:
That is the elephant in the room
Well, is it relevant to assume
That a man who wears perfume
Is automatically radically fay?
Narinder:
But look at his coiffed and crispy locks
Heket:
Look at his silk translucent socks
Kallamar:
There's the eternal paradox
Look what we're seein'
Shamura:
What are we seeing?
Kallamar:
Is he gay?
Heket:
Of course he's gay!
Kallamar:
Or European?
Narinder, Heket, Kallamar, Shamura:
Oooh
Gay or European?
It's hard to guarantee
Is he gay or European?
Narinder:
Well, hey don't look at me
Shamura:
You see they bring their boys up different
In those charming foreign ports
They play peculiar sports
Narinder, Shamura, Kallamar, Heket:
In shiny shirts and tiny shorts
Gay or foreign fella?
The answer could take weeks
They both say things like ciao bella
While they kiss you on both cheeks
Heket:
Oh please, gay
Narinder, Shamura, Kallamar, Heket:
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray
Narinder:
Depending on the time of day
The french go either way
Kallamar, Heket, Shamura, Narinder:
Is he gay or European?
Or-
Forneus:
There! Right there!
Look at that condescending smirk
Seen it on every guy at work
That is a metro-hetero jerk
That guy's not gay, I say, no way
Narinder, Shamura, Kallamar, Heket:
That is the elephant in the room
Well, is it relevant to presume
That a hottie in that costume
Heket:
Is automatically, radically
Kallamar:
Ironically, cronically
Shamura:
Scurtinly, curtainly
Narinder:
Genetically, netically
Narinder, Heket, Kallamar, Shamura:
Gay!
Officially gay!
Officially gay, gay, gay, gay!
Damn it!
Gay or European?
Kallamar:
So stylish and relaxed
Narinder, Heket, Kallamar, Shamura:
Is he gay or European?
Narinder:
I think his chest is waxed
Shamura and the Goat:
But they bring their boys up different there
It's culturally diverse
It's not a fashion curse
Narinder, Heket, Kallamar, Shamura:
If he wears a kilt or bears a purse
Gay or just exotic?
I still can't crack the code
The Lamb:
Yet his accent is hypnotic
But his shoes are pointy-toed
Narinder, Heket, Kallamar, Shamura:
Huh
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray
Forneus:
But if he turns out straight
I'm free at eight on Saturday
Narinder, Heket, Kallamar, Shamura:
Is he gay or European?
Gay or European?
Gay or Euro-
Narinder:
Wait a minute!
Give me a chance to crack this guy
I have an idea I'd like to try
Kallamar:
The floor is yours...
Narinder:
So mr. Bishop of Chaos
This alleged affair with ms. Wilma
Has been going on for?
Leshy:
Two years
Narinder:
And your first name again is?
Leshy:
Leshy
Narinder:
And your boyfriend's name is?
Leshy:
Theodor
*Everyone gasps*
I'm sorry! I misunderstood
You say boyfriend
I thought you say best friend
Theodor is my best friend
Theodor, the yellow cat:
You bastard!
You lying bastard!
That's it
I no cover for you, no more!
Peoples
I have a big announcement
This man is gay AND european!
(WHOAH!)
And neither is disgrace
You've got to stop your being
A completely closet case
It's me, not her, he's seein'
No matter what he say
I swear he never, ever, ever, swing the other way
You are so gay
You big parfait!
You flaming one-man carbaret!
Leshy:
I'm straight!
Theodor:
You were not yesterday...
So if I may, I'm proud to say
He's gay!
All:
And European!
Theodor:
He's gay!
All:
And European, and gay!
Leshy:
Fine, okay, I'm gay!
All:
HOORAY!