Chapter Text
Don't stop thinking about tomorrow
Don't stop, it'll soon be here
It'll be better than before
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone
(Fleetwood Mac, Don't Stop)
I can’t do this, she thought as she continued to toss and turn in her hotel bed. The old-fashioned alarm clock on the mantlepiece next to the bed continued to stubbornly indicate 3:21 AM.
I said “yes” once. And it fell apart almost instantly afterwards. What if it happens again? And this time, if it happens, I’ll lose the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
With a sigh of desperation, Kumiko stood up from her bed, pausing for a few seconds as the room seemed to spin around her for a moment. The heavily-carpeted floor of the hotel room tickled her feet as she walked to the window and pulled the drapes aside to gaze at the mute Tokyo skyline. The cold glass fogged up slightly from her breath as she stared at the myriad of lights hiding millions of people, either in deep slumber, or in the final throes of a long night that they might have regrets over once the sun rose again.
Seeing this skyline from the windows of Reina’s Roppongi apartment had become second nature. Even at this late hour, her eyes still stared in confusion as they were looking at the same buildings from an unfamiliar angle further away. A hotel room had been booked for her a couple of streets away from where the wedding would take place, with a second one next door for her sister once Mamiko had agreed to help her out with the final preparations.
Where’s my phone? she thought for a second. With as hurried a step as her tired body allowed her, she turned the lights on and scanned the room, only to remember the last thing that happened before she closed the door to her hotel room the previous evening. Oh. Onee-chan took my phone. Of course she did, she shook her head as her eyes still stared at the ocean of lights beneath her feet. Mere seconds later, a prolonged yawn served to remind her that she was still as exhausted as her brain refused to acknowledge.
The planning for the ceremony itself had gone surprisingly smoothly once they had actually resorted to a consultant instead of her and Reina having to squeeze it into their still-busy schedules. Most of the details had been ironed out weeks in advance. All that was left to do was actually go through the whole ceremony without a hitch.
And yet… why do I feel like this right now? Kumiko wondered as a painfully familiar vice-like grip started to squeeze at her heart. I’m scared. I don’t want to do this, she thought while her breaths once again started to turn shallow. She was on the well-trod slippery slope towards a panic attack, and she knew the signs. With trembling steps, she walked back from the window and reached for the small bottle of beta blockers that sat in the small suitcase opened at the foot of the bed, gulping down a pill with the bottle of water that sat on the nightstand.
It would always take a few minutes for the medication to take effect. A few minutes when she would still have to ride out the noxious fumes of the anxiety bubbling in her heart. By this point, she knew that the rest of the night’s sleep, as short as it was going to be due to the final preparations, was lost to her. Her hands shakily held on to the edge of the bed as she focused on calming techniques that Reina had researched for her in the past few months.
As her racing heartbeat started to slow, Kumiko turned her mind back towards their final performance in Nagoya all those years ago. The bitterness of the lost audition had faded into the background a long while ago, overwhelmed by the rush of the performance itself. The muscle memory was hard to shake off, as her fingers started to move of their own volition as the increasingly vivid memories of those eleven minutes unfolded through her mind. The blinding lights of the auditorium. The harmony permeating the ensemble’s sound. The unmistakable timbre of Reina’s trumpet, with a controlled amount of emotion creeping into its technical perfection. The sight of her old teacher and former colleague at the front, confidently steering them all through the piece.
The thunderous roar of the ensemble from back in the spectator stands as their result had been announced rang out from the depths of her memories, just as she felt her heartbeat return to normal and she finally released a shaky breath, only to feel a few tears trailing down her face.
She turned to look at the clock yet again. 4:01 AM. Still half an hour until she had been supposed to wake up.
Sorry, onee-chan, I’m going to have to bother you, Kumiko thought as she splashed some water on her face to freshen herself up. The face that stared back at her from the mirror seemed to belong to a stranger for a second, as she stared at her slightly puffed and bloodshot eyes, and the very faint stress lines at the corner of those same eyes. Grabbing her room key card, she gently opened the door and tiptoed the few meters down the still well-lit carpeted corridor, before finally softly knocking on the door of the other room.
No response.
A further knock, a bit louder than at first.
Before she could knock for a third time, she heard the sound of steps shuffling on the other side of the door. A few seconds later, Mamiko’s frowning face appeared through the now-partially-opened door, before her expression softened and she ushered her younger sister into the room.
“Did I wake you up?” Kumiko muttered apologetically as she sat down in one of the armchairs by the window. Before Mamiko could answer, the alarm on her phone blared into life for a few seconds before the older Oumae sibling managed to grab it and silence it.
“Does that answer your question?” Mamiko smiled, before taking in her sister’s sunken expression. “...I don’t need to ask you if you’re okay. You make me wonder if I brought enough make-up to hide all that worry on your face.”
“...as brutal as ever, aren’t you?” Kumiko tried to force a smile, before her expression sunk into a mild despondency yet again. “I… don’t know, onee-chan. I’m scared. I don’t know if I want to do this”, she said, staring at her hands.
“Wait. By this, you don’t mean…”
Kumiko simply nodded in reply, as she started fiddling with the ring on her left hand.
“Why?” was Mamiko’s only question. The concerned frown on her face, however, seemed to say a lot more to her sister.
“...I don’t want to make the same mistakes again”, Kumiko whispered in a broken voice.
Mamiko shuffled to the side and patted the empty space on the edge of her bed. Her younger sister complied without another word and sat down, allowing herself to be pulled into a gentle embrace.
“Before you start to beat yourself with your own words again, I’ve got only one question for you”, Mamiko whispered gently. “Do you love Reina-chan?”
“Absolutely”, Kumiko answered instantly. “I’ve never questioned it since we’ve been together again.”
“And does she love you?”
“...that’s a second question”, Kumiko grumbled.
“You’re being a smartass at 4 in the morning”, Mamiko replied with a grin on her face. “I think you’re more certain about this than you think you are. Now, answer the question”, she concluded by gently shaking Kumiko’s shoulder.
“She does”, came the reply. “She’s never stopped reminding me.” A trace of fondness in Kumiko’s voice seemed to indicate that her mood had steadied somewhat.
“So… what do you mean by mistakes?” Mamiko muttered, already suspecting what her sister’s answer would be.
Kumiko sighed, her thoughts running at full speed through the ill-fated two years of her previous marriage.
“Remember what we talked about when you told me that you and Reina-chan were together?”
“You looked like you wanted to give me an earful for half that conversation, onee-chan”, Kumiko mused.
“I was thinking of it, but you were beating yourself up enough over how much you felt at fault for how things ended before."
“...that’s what I mean. The way I behaved back then. How badly I handled the fact that I had fallen out of love. I felt… trapped, and I didn’t know what to do. And I still feel sometimes like I did everything wrong.”
“You were both in a tough situation”, Mamiko sighed. “I don’t want to put blame on either of you. Sometimes… you don’t know when all is lost, when you’ve gone down the wrong path, until it’s too late. And coming back from that is always going to be painful. …You know how difficult it was for me to figure out my path once I’d realized I’d gone down the wrong path in college, right?”
The memory of Mamiko’s decision and its short-term repercussions was something Kumiko herself still dwelled on from time to time.
“But… you seemed relieved that it was over”, Mamiko added. "And then… you started talking about Reina-chan. And you had that goofy, happy smile on your face…”
Mamiko’s reminiscence was interrupted by a prolonged yawn from her sister.
“...when did you wake up?” she inquired.
“About an hour ago. Couldn’t sleep any more. I nearly…” Kumiko trailed off for a second, before shaking her head. “I got into my own head too much. Again. It always seems to happen at the worst times, doesn’t it? Like someone’s intentionally throwing these at me when I’m least ready to cope with them.”
The elder Oumae sibling pondered the situation for a few seconds, before abruptly sitting up from the bed and dragging Kumiko up alongside her.
“Whatever happens, you need a shower to shock you back to your senses”, she said, leading Kumiko into the bathroom. The sound of the running shower filled the room like white noise for the following quarter of an hour, replaced with a couple of deep sighs and indistinct mutterings before Kumiko reemerged in a bathrobe and with a towel holding her damp curls in place, looking slightly more lively but still somewhat downcast.
“There’s my overthinking little sister”, Mamiko grinned as she directed Kumiko to sit down in front of the mirror, taking hold of the towel. “With all due respect, Kumiko-chan, you… you can be such an idiot sometimes when it comes to figuring yourself out.”
“Don’t remind me”, Kumiko replied as her sister’s comforting hands started working through her damp hair.
“Someone needs to. And since Reina-chan isn’t here, and you asked me to be the one preparing you for the big day, I’m going to have to do that on her behalf.”
“You sound as if she’s also delegated you to take care of me…” Kumiko smiled wearily, before their voices were covered by the sound of the hairdryer for a few minutes.
“Apart from her, I can lay a safe claim to knowing you best, my dear sister”, Mamiko replied once she’d finished drying Kumiko’s hair. “So she didn’t need to delegate. But… I’m thankful you did decide to come to me instead of stewing in your own doubts even further.”
Kumiko glanced out of the window, and then at the clock in the room.
5:10 AM
Far off into the distance, the vivid colours of a clear dawn were slowly spreading from the horizon. The forecast for the big day had been undecided for many days, oscillating between rain and sunshine, but it had finally resolved into calling for a beautifully sunny day, and the first proof of that already painted the eastern sky.
“We’re supposed to learn from our mistakes, don’t we?” Mamiko mused as she started gently brushing and untangling Kumiko’s hair. “You know what mistakes you made back then, but… you also know why you made them, don’t you?”
Kumiko nodded, still looking for words to explain her innermost fears.
“I can see how much you and Reina-chan love each other now, though”, Mamiko smiled. “And… both of you have gone through life, haven’t you? If something goes wrong, you know how to handle it, right?”
“...not everything”, Kumiko muttered. “How… how can I be sure that I’m not going to make a new mistake? A mistake that’ll destroy everything in a whole new way? Onee-chan, I don’t want to lose her again.”
“And your solution to that was to try to chicken out on the big day? Seriously…” Mamiko replied, before squeezing herself in front of her sister and staring her down. “I know Reina-chan has said this to you many times. But I’m going to add my voice to that now too. You’re a lot stronger than you think you are. You’ll be able to fix things if you mess up. And… I am absolutely sure Reina-chan doesn’t want to lose you either. Looking back, dare I say it… the two of you have been the best thing to happen to each other.”
The last few words finally shocked Kumiko into a contemplative silence, finally broken by a shaky sigh.
“I hate myself for thinking like this”, she muttered as angry tears started falling down her face again.
“It’s the nerves talking, my dear sister. It’s not who you are”, Mamiko concluded, embracing her again. “Do you know who you are? Kitauji’s famous band director, beloved by your friends and your students, soon-to-be-wife of one of this country’s best classical musicians…”
“All of this is related to other people, not to me”, Kumiko grumbled.
“Fishing for compliments, aren’t we? Kumiko, you’ll be fine. The both of you. You can make this work. You will make this work. I trust you both to take care of each other. Now, just… let it all out before I need to start doing your make-up”, Mamiko smiled, guiding Kumiko’s head back onto her shoulder and feeling her sister’s quiet sobs slowly diminish over the next few minutes.
With a deep breath, Kumiko finally sat back upright in her seat. Her eyes were still somewhat puffy and bloodshot, and her cheeks still shone with the remnants of her last tears. However, a small smile had finally affixed itself to her expression.
“Thank you, onee-chan”, she managed to say, rubbing her eyes vigorously. “I think… I’m okay now. I’m… as ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Alright, let’s start getting you fixed up”, Mamiko said with increasing enthusiasm as she stood up to retrieve her extensive make-up kit. “We can’t have you looking like a tanuki at breakfast, let alone when the big moment comes. I’ll give you your phone back after the ceremony, don’t worry. I haven’t forgotten about it.”
—
The cold feet had subsided thanks to Mamiko’s assistance, but the anxiety still dominated Kumiko’s entire being in other ways. She had to force herself to eat more than a few bites over breakfast in spite of her sister’s urgings, and satisfied herself with a few gulps of barley tea to keep herself hydrated.
“Don’t blame me if you faint during the ceremony”, Mamiko frowned once they had returned to the room.
“I’ve had less to eat for breakfast before performances”, Kumiko forced a smile as her sister started working on her makeup with all the skill she’d built up over the years. “I’m going to be okay.”
The minutes slowly ticked by as the puzzle pieces that would make up Kumiko’s appearance in the chapel clicked into place, one by one, in parallel with Mamiko slowly slipping into her own guest regalia. Fifteen minutes before the ride to the venue, she was ready.
“If Reina-chan doesn’t faint on the spot when seeing you walk down the aisle, you can ask for your money back”, Mamiko teased.
“I don’t remember you asking for any money for this”, Kumiko frowned. “And I’d like both of us to be conscious, thank you very much.” The frown didn’t last long, though, as Kumiko’s expression slowly shifted to a grateful smile. “Thank you, onee-chan. For helping me today. For being here with me. For all the support you’ve given me.”
Mamiko’s own eyes were damp with emotion as she took in the sight of her sister. She had seen Kumiko prior to her first marriage ceremony, and despite how hard Kumiko was trying to look happy, Mamiko finally recognized that there had been a near-imperceptible weariness about her sister’s demeanor that day, an invisible weight on her shoulders. None of that was in view today. The anxieties had finally chosen their moment to unshackle Kumiko, and she finally seemed to radiate an unbridled air of happiness as her thoughts seemed to finally turn to tying the knot with the person she truly loved.
“You’ve earned your happiness, my dear sister”, Mamiko whispered. “Come on. Reina-chan is waiting for you”, she concluded, ushering her out of the room and guiding her to the fancy car parked at the entrance to the hotel.
The streets of Tokyo were as busy as ever, but the car arrived at the venue with plenty of time to spare. As the driver maneuvered into the parking position reserved for their arrival, Kumiko had closed her eyes and was whispering to herself.
This is it. Our future starts today.
I’m sorry for doubting myself, Reina.
No more hesitation.
We’re special. Both of us. And we’ll build something special. Together.
The walk from the car to the door of the chapel seemed to take ages as she carefully held on to her dress to avoid any dust or grass cuttings clinging on to it. Her gaze still looked down as she stepped through the doors, her sister’s hand slowly guiding her. With each step, she looked up more and more, taking in her surroundings. Many of Kumiko’s old bandmates and teaching colleagues filled the chapel, along with Reina’s family and some of the trumpet player’s own colleagues and recent friends from across the arts spectrum. She caught a cheeky grin from Hazuki, sitting alongside her husband, a soft nod from Mizore as she leant on Nozomi’s shoulder, and a peace sign from Natsuki, sitting alongside Yuuko in a tailored suit which seemed to have cost a few months’ salary.
Her eyes studiously avoided looking forward until she had to climb the final couple of steps. As she finally raised them, she knew that the sight that met them would be an image she would treasure for as long as she lived.