Work Text:
January, 2025
It's pouring when Sylvia knocks frantically on Yoonchae's and Sophia's door. Ignoring Sophia’s pleas to come inside because the poor woman is soaked to the bone. But Sylvia shakes her head, training her gaze onto Yoonchae, eyes desperately holding a naive sense of hope like the teenager has all the answers to her problems.
“Yoonchae, is Megan here with you?” She asks, eyes dimming when the girl shakes her head. “She went hiking a few hours ago and hasn't returned. I was hoping she stopped by here.”
“Why would Megan go hiking? She's allergic to grass.” Is the first thing that comes to Yoonchae’s mind, before her brain can fully process the severity of the situation. Yoonchae starts to stand up before she feels Sophia’s hands pushing her back into her chair.
“We'll look for her Yoonchae.” She says both in a reassuring and authoritative manner as she texts the group chat. “You should stay here in case she comes back.”
Sophia leaves with Sylvia before Yoonchae can protest and so she sits by the door, patiently waiting. It lasts for about ten minutes before Yoonchae is putting on her jacket and boots, running towards the mountains.
She can't tell if the rain is lightening up or coming down harder. It all feels like ice shards to her, which should be impossible because Oahu shouldn't get that cold, winter or not.
She can hear the legitimate search party shout Megan's name as they look for the girl, Yoonchae runs the other way, not wanting to get caught and scolded by Sophia.
“Megan!” Yoonchae calls out after a while when she can't hear the others anymore. Whether that be because of the rain or because she's actually gained some distance from them, she can't tell. “Megan!”
She trips on something and falls face first into the mud with a pained groan. Something cut her cheek, there's a warm trickle of blood that she can feel. Yoonchae rolls over to scowl at whatever rock or branch caused her to fall, before getting back at to continue her search. Though instead of mild annoyance she's filled with a mixture of emotions when she spots what tripped her.
It's Megan's body.
Dread, shock, immense sadness, anger, and so much more burst from Yoonchae’s chest that for a moment she can't breathe and believes that she died alongside Megan. It only lasts for a few seconds when she shakingly inhales, every breath feels excruciatingly painful. Yoonchae carefully crawls to Megan, caresses her face. It's ice cold, she's stiff, and the blood on her head looks old. Her eyes aren't focused as they stare into nothing, it feels though that they're staring directly at Yoonchae. A pitiful sob, hidden by the rain, escapes the girl as she moves Megan's bangs out of her eyes with a trembling hand.
There's no logical point in being gentle. Megan had died hours ago, there was nothing to comfort. No amount of gentleness would bring the girl back, no matter how much Yoonchae wanted to believe so. But the thought of being anything but gentle with Megan was unimaginable, the worst crime she could ever commit. This wasn't just a random corpse on the forest floor, this was Megan, her Megan. And Megan deserved every last bit of gentleness Yoonchae could ever offer in both life and death.
Ok. Ok. She found her bo- Yoonchae can’t even finish that thought. She found Megan, now she needed to go find Sophia and the others. And then they would probably need to call the authorities to come collect Megan. With the rain it would be better to stay with Megan right? So she would need to call Sophia instead of looking for her, right?
Oh god she was going to throw up.
March, 2024
“You know, I think you’re my type.” Megan comments offhand.
Yoonchae turns her head to look up at her, her attention no longer on the Kdrama playing in the background and instead on Megan. Her legs are resting on the older’s lap, Megan’s left hand is on one of them, absentmindedly rubbing circles on it every now and then while she stares at her phone. Yoonchae tilts her head. “Really?” She asks, prompting Megan to continue. Megan’s eyes flick over to hers for a moment before quickly looking back at her phone, cheeks tinted pink. So subtle that even if someone else was in the room only Yoonchae would notice. “Yeah, Yoonchae, you’re totally my type.” She confirms.
Happiness blooms in Yoonchae’s chest like a flower at such a confession. It's a reach, really. All Megan said was that Yoonchae was her type, it wasn't like she was asking her out on a date or anything. Maybe it's because it presents a door Yoonchae wasn't sure she had the key to. A chance to peak into a world where her and Megan's relationship was more defined, more clear. She should ask right? Clear it up herself. Knock on the door instead of waiting, assuming that Megan knows she's waiting outside of it? Yoonchae sat up, a little awkward since her legs were still propped up on Megan's lap. She begins to shift so that she'd sit normally on the couch, but Megan quickly grabs her and repositions Yoonchae so that the girl is sitting sideways on her lap.
Yoonchae instinctively wraps her hands around Megan’s neck, resting her head against the other’s. She’s about to ask the question when Megan’s phone vibrates and she giggles before typing. “Who are you talking to?” Yoonchae asks. “I’m talking to Jonah. We’re sending each other animal videos.”
The door slams shut in Yoonche's face, the key is snatched from her hand. And whatever flower that bloomed in her chest is stomped on when metaphorical yoonchae jumps back from the sudden loud noise. That’s right, Megan likes both boys and girls. Other people could have the key, not just Yoonchae.
“Help me pick one.” Megan says, holding the phone up to Yoonchae.
Pick me, choose me, love me. or however that one scene in that one show Sophia is currently watching goes. Yoonchae gently takes the phone, clicking on a random turtle video before hanging it back to Megan. “Perfect, thanks Yoonchip!” Yoonchae nods stiffly, returning her attention back to the Kdrama, which also seems to be having love troubles of its own as the main lead watches her love interest kiss another girl as the episode ends. Boo, hiss. Yoonchae’s least favorite episode if you ask her, even though she hasn’t been paying attention to it 90% of the time. Why can’t anyone seem to find love today? A hand lands on her thigh and she jolts. Megan is staring at her, suddenly serious.
“Tell me I’m your type too.” She says, looking a bit too desperate for her request to be just a joke. “Make it sound plausible if I’m not.” Yoonchae hums and buries her face in Megan’s neck.
“You are Megan. You’re my type too.”
January, 2025
“I told you to stay!” Sophia scolds as she cleans the cut on Yoonchae’s face.
Yoonchae’s not really listening, her gaze is set on the floor, unfocused. She can still see Megan’s blank eyes in her mind. They stare at her, and Yoonchae clamps her eyes shut, trembling. Sophia’s arms wrap around her gently and pull her into a tight hug. Yoonchae sobs softly into the older girl’s shoulder. Someone’s hand rubs her back gently. “She’ll show up soon, Yoonchae, Megan’s resilient.” Dani’s voice hits her ears. And Yoonchae sobs harder because Megan is dead, and no one else knows. Megan is dead, lying on the floor of the forest in the rain. Megan is dead. Megan is dead. Megan. Is. Dead. Sophia picks her up and carries Yoonchae to her room, laying the girl on her bed.
“We’re going to keep looking, I promise. I know it’s scary, not knowing where she is, but don’t give up hope.” Sophia reassures, stroking Yoonchae’s hair.
Yoonchae feels like crying for the millionth time today, because she knows exactly where Megan is. She doesn’t have hope to give up, it died right alongside Megan. So instead she rolls around and faces the wall, Sophia kisses her head before leaving to join their friends and Megan’s family to discuss their next move. Their voices are muffled but Yoonchae can make out Sylvia’s voice, rapidly talking. Guilt floods her, she needs to get up. Tell Sylvia that she found her daughter’s body and take her to it so that Sylvia doesn’t cling onto false hope. So that she doesn’t lay in bed, wondering what happened to her child. Yes, that’s what she should do. Yoonchae stays in bed instead.
It’s a blur, the next few days, Yoonchae doesn’t get out of bed. She stays facing the wall, curled up into herself. Eventually the door opens and someone is tugging at her arm, she expects it to be Sophia, or Carla or Godfrey when she slightly turns her head to look. But it’s Lara, holding a bowl of oatmeal and a glass of water. A half concerned/half annoyed look on her face.
“Sophia says you aren’t eating.” She says, placing the food down on her table. “Sit up.”
Yoonchae wants to turn her head back towards the wall and close her eyes again but Lara’s grip on Yoonchae’s sleeve tightens so she decides to indulge the girl. Slowly sitting up and accepting the bowl when Lara hands it to her. She takes one bite and looks up, expecting her to leave. But instead Lara stares back, even sitting down next to her. Yoonchae sighs and starts actually eating the oatmeal and drinking the water. After she’s finished Lara grabs her forcing her to stand up, which Yoonchae stumbles at first because not walking for days is bad for you. Lara steadies her.
“Come on, you need to shower.” Lara tuts, interrupting Yoonchae before she can even start her protest. “You can’t be stinking when Megan returns can you?”
The oatmeal seems ready to return when Lara says that. Yoonchae swallows roughly, she has to tell someone now. “Lara she’s go-”
“We don’t know that, so let’s not manifest it into place, ok Chip?” Yoonchae does know actually. She knows all too well. But says nothing as Lara starts the shower for her, leaving afterwards to give her privacy.
Yoonchae steps out, her hair is dripping onto her shirt, she doesn’t care. Lara and the bowl are gone, but her phone lights up with a text from Lara saying she left to go help over at Megan’s house. Yoonchae guess Sylivia is just as bad as her, maybe worse. Megan She thinks as she pulls up her contact reading their last texts to each other before her death.
You: wanna come over and play games this weekend?
Meimei: Can’t, I have something important to do. Maybe next weekend.
You: Since when have you ever done anything important?
Meimei: Oh shut up🖕
Yoonchae’s hand shakes in frustration as she rereads the texts again and again. This was their last conversation ever? A stupid conversation about games? They didn’t even tell each other goodbye? She tosses her phone away and lays back down in her bed, facing the wall again. And wills herself to die as well, so she can join Megan.
April, 2024
“How was Korea, and reconnecting with your sister?” Megan asks as she helps Yoonchae onto the roof of her house.
“It was good, even though Carla and Sophia came with me, me and my sister were able to spend a lot of time alone and just exist with each other again.” Yoonchae answers.
Megan pulls out a blanket from her bag and the two lie on it, watching the stars.
“I can’t imagine being separated from my brother. I can't believe that your foster program did that.”
Yoonchae shrugs, it’s already rare enough to see older kids find a home, so when a potential one said they could only take her sister, the program agreed without a second thought. Yoonchae herself knows how hard it is, hell, she had to get fostered internationally before she found something that stuck. Not that she’s complaining though, she likes Carla and Godfrey. She likes Sophia and her brothers. She likes living in Hawaii with Megan.
“We went to the Han river, like we used to when our parents were still alive. It was sad but a good sad, you know?”
“So bittersweet?”
“Exactly.”
“What’s it like, Seoul?" Megan asks.
“Big, busy, lots of kpop and kdrama advertisements. But it’s home so it’s always nice to be back.”
“If I could, I would live in a big city, like Los Angeles or New York City or even Seoul. Somewhere where I can make it big. There’s nothing to do here.” Megan laments.
“There’s nothing to do in Honolulu?” Yoonchae asks skeptically, a grin plastered on her face.
“You know what I mean.” Megan scoffs. “There’s just more opportunities in bigger cities such as LA or Seoul.” She props her head up with her shoulder so that she can look down at Yoonchae. “Would you ever move back to Seoul?”
“Would you come with me?” Yoonchae asks, Megan raises a brow. “Why does that matter?”
“Because my answer depends on yours. If you would then yes I would. If not, then no. I only want to go wherever you are.” Megan chuckles, pushing her shoulder playfully. “You’re such a sap.”
Megan rests her head back down and looks up when her eyes light up, excited.
“Yoonchae look! A shooting star!” She exclaims.
And yoonchae does look to see it soaring through the sky, watching it in awe. Megan slaps her shoulder rapidly.
“Quick! Make a wish!” She shouts.
Yoonchae chuckles and decides not to, why would she anyway? All she could ever want was right next to her.
January, 2025
Sophia rushes into the room, phone in hand as she catches her breath. Yoonchae is sitting next to Lara in bed, taking small bites of a dish Lara made for her, she can’t remember its name but it’s good. In between breaths Sophia tries to speak. “They found her.” she manages to gasp out after a few minutes of struggling.
Yoonchae’s grip on the plate loosens a bit and luckily Lara catches it before it can drop. It’s been a week since she found Megan, they were going to find it eventually. She should probably check on Sylvia in a little while, make sure she’s ok.
“She’s at the hospital right now, a little confused, suffering from a concussion. She’s also dehydrated but she’s awake!” Sophia says, relief mixed into her voice. “She wants to see you, Yoonchae.”
Yoonchae blinks, staring at Sophia like she has two heads. No, Megan was dead. She was dead. Why was Sophia telling her otherwise? Lara squeezes her shoulder.
“Told you we'd find her.” She says softly, giving the girl a little shake.
Yoonchae is at a loss of words, she shakes her head while looking at Sophia in disbelief. Sophia hands the phone over to Yoonchae who cradles the phone to her ear gently. A hesitant ‘hello’ leaving her mouth.
“Yoonchae.” Megan’s voice says, and Yoonchae can’t breathe. “Why haven’t you visited me at the hospital yet?”
Lara barely has time to put the car in park before Yoonchae is opening the door and running into the hospital, ignoring the shouts of nurses and Sophia telling her to stop. She makes it to the room Sophia said Megan was in and opens it. Inside is already Dani and Manon alongside Sylvia. They all jerk their heads to look at her, but she’s only focused on one thing. Megan.
There she is, sitting upright in her hospital bed. A bandage wrapped around her head, bags under her eyes but she smiles at the sight of Yoonchae and the others leave to give them privacy. Yoonchae stares at the girl in front of her, unmoving, speechless. So Megan holds out her hands. “Come sit next to me.” She pleads.
Yoonchae slowly walks over to her, and Megan makes her sit on the hospital bed instead of pulling up a chair. Yoonchae feels herself be pulled into a hug, and rests her head against Megan’s chest. Listening to Megan's heartbeat. Megan buries her face in Yoonchae’s hair, sniffs, and frowns. “You smell like Lara.” Her tone isn't neutral, it's jealous.
And what a weird thing to say after being missing for a week. Yoonchae pulls away much to the disappointment of Megan, but Megan’s pout goes away when Yoonchae gently grabs her face, tilting it from side to side. She looks mostly fine. Just a few cuts and bruises that are healing on her face and the bandage wrapped around her head. It doesn't make sense, Megan’s dead body flashes in Yoonchae’s mind and she flinches away. Megan gently grabs her so that she doesn't fall off the bed.
“Yoonchae, what's wrong?” She asks.
What's wrong? What's wrong? Everything is wrong! Because Yoonchae was staring at her dead but also not dead best friend! Whose corpse she found a week ago! She stares into Megan’s eyes, Megan stares back with such a feral intensity that Yoonchae feels uneasy. She needs to leave. She needs to get out of the room.
A nurse walks in holding fresh bandages for Megan’s wound treatment and Yoonchae uses that as her escape. Ignoring Megan’s cries as she calls out her name. She speed walks over to Lara, ignoring the confused looks the others give her.
“Take me home.” She begs, grabbing at Lara's sleeve. “Please.”
“Yoonchae? What's wrong?” Sophia asks, heading over to her little sister. “What happened, you were only in the room for ten minutes.”
Ten minutes too long, she feels itchy all over. Being out of the room isn't enough, she needs to be out of the hospital now. “Lara please.”
“Lara just got here Yoonchae, she hasn't even said hello to Megan.” Dani starts but Lara cuts her off, already pulling out her keys. “No it's ok, I'll drive back after I drop her off. Let's go Yoonchae.”
Yoonchae all but runs to Lara's car, sitting in silence as Lara drives back. They pull into the driveway and Yoonchae goes to open the car door when Lara locks it.
“Did Megan hurt you?” She asks, concern plastered on her face as she scans Yoonchae for any injuries. Yoonchae shook her head, staying silent. The real Megan couldn't physically hurt her if she tried. But that wasn't the real Megan. She knows what she saw that night. Megan was dead. Something had taken over her body, and was using it like a puppet.
May, 2024
“No it's disgustingly annoying how into you they are.” Megan groans dramatically as Manon braids parts of Yoonchae’s hair.
They're at Manon’s apartment, ranting about how down bad Sophia and her girlfriend Dani are for the Swiss-Ghanaian. Which has increased by a lot now that the three were working at the same coffee shop together.
“It is getting a bit intense.” Yoonchae adds in, she doesn't really mind Sophia bursting into her room to rant about Manon, she just wishes it wouldn't be at 3 in the morning when the Filipino knew Yoonchae had school the next day.
“Please tell me you obviously see it. Because if you don't then you definitely need to get your eyes checked.” Megan commented as she raided Manon’s closet for snacks.
“Theif.” Manon scoffed, shaking her head. “But yes, it's so obvious. I just like watching the fumble under my gaze.”
Megan tosses a chocolate bar at Yoonchae before snagging her own, ignoring Manon’s complaints of that being her ‘good chocolate’ and that she ‘only gets it when Lena sends her some’ she'll survive.
“How much do you want to bet they'd make an excuse to come over if they see that you're here Yoonchae?” Manon asks, nudging the girl's ribs causing her to laugh and lean away. Megan’s already pulling out her phone and snapping a picture of the two, posting it as “hair day with my girls” tagging both Yoonchae and Manon.
Less than a minute later Yoonchae receives a text from Sophia with Dani that she's getting some Jollibees and is going to bring some for her and her friends. Manon leaned over to read the text and failed to stop her burst of laughter. “They probably think they're geniuses.” Yoonchae mumbled, rolling her eyes. “Idiots.”
“Cute Idiots.” Manon sighed, and Yoonchae resisted the urge to gag. “So what about you two?”
Both girls froze, eyes locked on each other. Tension filled the air before Megan cleared her throat. “I'm seeing Jonah.”
“Yeah, she is.” Yoonchae thought bitterly. Turns out sending each other animal videos was just them entering a relationship. Yoonchae should have picked a scary video to send to Jonah, to scare him away or something.
“Really?” Manon asked, keeping her eyes on Yoonchae.
“Well, it's more like we're going on dates. Nothing official. But he makes me happy.”
He makes me happy. Plays in Yoonchae’s mind over and over again, a jealous pit forming in her stomach, though she has no right to. Megan isn’t hers to claim, and if someone else was providing her that happiness, Yoonchae wasn't going to interfere. She was used to not getting what she wanted and working with what she had, and if that meant being nothing more than friends with Megan, then she would just have to endure the heartbreak. Which she would, as long as it meant staying by Megan’s side.
January, 2025
Somehow the next few days of actively avoiding ‘Megan’ feels worse than the week Megan had actually died. Maybe it’s because back when Megan was dead, that’s all she was. Dead. Gone from the world, Yoonchae’s world. Now? Something was pretending to be her, wearing her face, using her voice, and everyone but Yoonchae knew no better. And yet, the urge to go see ‘Megan’ only intensified with every passing minute she stayed away. Why? that was a stupid question, she knew why. Because having some spirit or creature dressed up as Megan was better than having no Megan at all. Her phone buzzed and lit up with Megan’s contact picture lighting up her entire screen. Yoonchae stares at it until the ringing stops before reaching out for her phone in a slow manner picking it up as though it weighed a thousand pounds. Her phone lit up again with Megan’s contact and Yoonchae took a shaky breath before answering it, bringing the device to her ear.
“Megan?” She whispered, and for a moment, she hoped that the voice that would answer her would actually be Megan’s.
“Yoonchae?” The voice was nearly perfect, but not hers. It distorted just slightly at the end before fixing itself. No, not her Megan. “Sophia said you were in shock, that’s why you panicked and left. She said you weren’t taking my disappearance well.”
No, I panicked and left because you're wearing my friend’s body. And it wasn’t her disappearance I wasn’t taking well, it was her death. Is what yoonchae wants to shout, sob, and say in a completely calm manner all at once to ‘Megan’. Butcher doesn’t instead she hums and agrees. “Yeah, I was really worried about you. I’m sorry.”
They talk for a little bit, mostly about ‘Megan’s’ time in the hospital, the horrible food, the constant scolding from both her mother and her older brother about hiking by herself in bad weather. Yoonchae finds herself nodding along and trying to convince herself that this is the real Megan that she’s speaking to. It doesn’t work, but it’s better than the silence she expected to hear for the rest of her life.
“I’m discharged tomorrow, mom wants me to rest but I really want to see you. Can I?” ‘Megan’ asks nervously, desperate even.
Something inside Yoonchae tells her no. That she needs to accept Megan’s death and move on. And spending time with whatever is wearing her will do the exact opposite of moving on. And yet, whenever ‘Megan’ laughs at something Yoonchae’s said and for a moment, it’s like the real Megan is back. And everything makes sense again in the world, and Yoonchae isn’t drowning in grief. So, like a desperate pathetic fool she is, she agrees.
“Yeah, I’ll leave the door unlocked for you.”
“Can’t wait! I miss you already!” ‘Megan’ exclaims before hanging up, and Yoonchae lets the phone drop from her hand onto her bed, tears welling up in her eyes.
“I miss you too Megan.”
June, 2024
“Paint me like one of your French girls, Yoonchae!” Megan demands as she flops sideways onto the couch, posing dramatically for the Korean.
Yoonchae raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. Turning her attention back to her sketchbook, opting not to indulge the girl in her schemes. Her efforts are met with a pillow to her head and an offended Megan squawking insults at her. Laughter spills from Yoonchae and Megan can’t stay mad at her, she sits up and pouts at Yoonchae, hoping her tactic will persuade her to reconsider. It does, because Yoonchae stares at Megan tapping her pen against the sketchbook, thinking out loud. “You know I can’t draw people, Megan.”
“But you can draw how something feels right? You can turn me into a scene. So do that, make me into a scene.” Megan offers and pouts again and how can Yoonche say no to such a manipulative woman? She sets down her pen, grabbing a pencil and begins a rough sketch. After a few hours of comfortable silence (Megan fell asleep halfway into the drawing process) Yoonchae sets her pen down to stare at her creation. Cherry Blossoms blooming over the Han river in full force. There’s a weight leaning on her and Yoonchae tilts her head to find that Megan has awakened and is wrapping her arms around the girl’s chest as her eyes scan the picture, taking it all in.
“I thought cherry blossoms bloomed in April?”
“They do, but being with you makes me feel like they do all the time.” Yoonchae admits quietly.
The two of them are so close they can feel each other’s breaths against their faces, Megan's eyes are half lidded, Yoonchae’s wide open. Both girls say nothing, and just when Megan starts to lean in towards Yoonchae her phone rings. Causing her to jerk back and check it.
“It’s Jonah, I gotta take this.” Megan says apologetically before stepping out the room, leaving a confused and slightly frustrated Yoonchae by herself, staring at the sketch.
January, 2025
“Yoonchae!” ‘Megan’ shouts, throwing her arms around the girl, Yoonchae stiffens before hugging her back. “I’m so happy to see you.”
Yoonchae says nothing and just keeps her arms wrapped around ‘Megan’ until the creature pulls away so that they can head up to Yoonchae’s room. And for about a few hours, everything is almost back to normal. They play roblox, talk about their day, random things ‘Megan’ saw on her way here. How Sophia woke up the entire house by screaming alongside Dani on a video call about how fine Manon was at 2 in the morning. Yoonchae almost finds herself believing ‘Megan’ and her facade. At least until ‘Megan’ spots Yoonchae’s sketchbook in the corner of her room and grins, grabbing it and shoving it into Yoonchae’s hands.
“Come on Yoonchae, paint me like one of your French girls.” She teases, sitting on Yoonchae's chair while posing.
Yoonchae stares, and is brought back to last year when the real Megan had requested the same thing. Except Yoonchae doesn’t see cherry blossoms blooming anymore, they're withered, falling onto the ground and being stepped on by both humans and animals. She can't draw that, she can't handle it. So instead she draws ‘Megan’, as a beach before the start of a storm. Eerie, dangerous, and somehow still beautiful. ‘Megan’ leans against her back just like the real Megan did before. Such a time feels like years ago. Her hands wrap around Yoonchae’s waist this time though. “This is different from the cherry blossoms last year.” She comments, tilting her head. “It’s still good, though.”
“It’s fitting.” Yoonchae mumbles, refusing to elaborate as she looks over at what used to be her friend.
December 25th, 2024
They had kissed once, during Halloween when they were both drunk and then never discussed it. And Yoonchae thought that she’d never get the opportunity again, because Megan was still in a situationship with Jonah.
So, when a sober Megan pulls a tipsy Yoonchae into her room and presses their lips together again near the end of a christmas party at Megan’s house just after everyone else left, Yoonchae half believes that she’s dreaming. But then Megan pulls the girl onto the bed and they’re facing each other while Megan rubs circles into Yoonchae’s cheek. Nope, not dreaming, because she accidentally hit the headboard on the way down and it hurt a bit.
“We should kiss again, when we're both sober.” Megan says in such a vulnerable manner that Yoonchae sobers up a bit. Megan follows it with a forced laugh, hoping that the younger girl didn't notice.
She did though, because of course she did. Yoonchae noticed everything about Megan, drunk or sober, clear minded or delirious. Megan was half of her soul, as the poets say.
“When should we?” Yoonchae asks, voice so serious that Megan doubts that the girl is drunk for a moment before remembering how Lara made the poor Korean play a drinking game with her.
“You choose.” Megan shoots back, her cheeks tinting pink, maybe she shouldn't have stayed sober for this, then she wouldn't feel the butterflies in her stomach as intensely as she does right now whenever she looks at Yoonchae.
Yoonchae hums as she thinks about it, a part of her really wants to say New Years. Because it's right after Christmas. But that also makes it a little too soon, and from how Megan looks like she's two seconds away from bolting, she'd rather not scare the girl. Also that’s like Sophia’s birthday, and she doesn’t want to, like, steal her day from her.
“Your birthday?” Yoonchae questions, it's a little under two months away, not too close to scare Megan, not too far for her to lose feelings or remember Jonah.
“Are you telling me that I can't drink on my very own birthday, Yoonchae?” Megan dramatically whines, pouting. And God, what did Yoonchae do to deserve such a girl in her life.
“You could always drink after you kiss me.” She offers, shrugging, failing to will away the fact that her face flushes deeper at the thought of being able to kiss Megan. It's not like they haven't kissed before, but never when they're both clear headed and can say that they actually meant to. It's exhilarating and Yoonchae already can't wait for February to arrive. “It can be one of my birthday gifts to you.”
Megan nods, satisfied, a grin sets on her face. And Yoonchae almost wishes that she can stay in this moment forever.
“Best birthday gift ever.” Megan chuckles as she presses one last quick peck onto Yoonchae’s lips and rests her head on Yoonchae’s chest.
And Yoonchae is fine, she is 100% totally okay! Not internally freaking out at all and counting the days until February tenth, why would you ask?
February 10th, 2025
“Come on Yoonchae! You promised! I want my birthday gift now!”
It takes Yoonchae a moment to process what's happening. She's standing in front of ‘Megan’ it's hand on her chest, it's always been more clingy than the real Megan. A grin plastered on her face. “Hurry up before the others get suspicious!”
Yoonchae blinks once, twice, and tilts her head. She did say she would kiss Megan on her birthday didn't she? When they were both sober.
But this isn't Megan. Megan never made it to nineteen, she died last month, forever stuck at the age of eighteen. And Yoonchae doesn’t feel sober, she feels drunk on grief. Physically there but mentally stuck in a fog. She doesn’t even remember most of today, stuck in a grief induced blur since she woke up this morning after dreaming of the real Megan.
‘Megan’ is impatient, because she gently pulls Yoonchae towards her. And Yoonchae, the absolute pathetic love fool she is, lets her. Kisses the creature parading in her best friend's corpse back even. Her lips are warm. A stark contrast to how cold she felt when Yoonchae was cradling her stiff body last month. When they pull away Yoonchae is slightly trembling and ‘Megan’ just assumes it's nerves because she kisses Yoonchae’s cheek reassuringly. Something so intimate that Yoonchae knows Megan wouldn't do. Because it would mean total acknowledgement of whatever feelings she held for Yoonchae.
“I prefer kissing you when we're sober.” ‘Megan’ concludes before grabbing a lighter for her cake, the excuse ‘Megan’ used to get her and Yoonchae alone, heading out to the kitchen where the rest of their friends wait for them.
Yoonchae followed soon after. Sitting silently as the others sang happy birthday to a dead woman. Trying to keep her trembles down as her mind flashed between the corpse on the mountain and the creature in front of her every time the girls clapped their hands.
November, 2024
Halloween replays in her mind over and over. She and Megan hadn’t mentioned it the next day, just continued their weirdly intimate friendship like nothing happened, and now Megan was on a date with Jonah and Yoonchae was sitting on Lara’s bed. Because she really didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts.
“Do friends kiss?” Yoonchae asks suddenly.
Lara and Rhea stop their conversation mid sentence to stare at the girl. Rhea with a flabbergasted expression, Lara with a knowing smirk. “Rhea I'll call you back.” She says, ending the video call and swinging her chair around to face the romantically distressed girl. “Is this about Megan?” She asks bluntly.
Well damn Lara, you didn't need to clock Yoonchae like that- heat rises in Yoonchae, reaching her cheeks as she nods. She can’t tell if it's from the mentioning of Megan or Lara herself. It's honestly terrifying.
“Friends don't usually kiss if they don't want to be more than friends but are too scared to admit it and commit to it.” Lara answers.
Well damn Lara. Is this what Dani calls ‘murdered by words’? Yoonchae will put that on her tombstone, “Here lies Jeung Yoonchae. Clocked so hard by a baddie it killed her.”
“I come here asking you for help and you insult me.” Yoonchae huffs, rolling her eyes before settling into a pout. Lara chuckles and wheels forward so that she’s right in front of Yoonchae. “Why don’t we experiment?” she suggests and shit if Yoonchae wasn’t red then she is now. A hand comes up to brush hair away from Lara’s face and the girl almost falters before doubling down. “Kiss me, your friend, and see if it’s the same as kissing Megan.” ‘your friend’ sounds more like a tease than a title but Yoonchae decides not to comment on it. Instead she presses their lips together and begins analyzing.
It’s different than kissing Megan. Physically it feels nearly identical, maybe Lara’s lips are a little softer. But emotionally? It’s clear, it’s certain what she is feeling for Lara. Attraction, pure want to be more than friends. Unlike Megan who’s feelings are a mixture of that and a plethora of feelings. Yoonchae could never tell what Megan truly wanted between the two of them. She can with Lara. She pulls away slowly, slightly curling into herself as she makes two realizations.
“Your conclusion?” Lara asks with a soft smile. She thinks Lara is blushing too, she can’t tell though. Her eyes refuse to stay on Lara for longer than a few seconds. Yoonchae inhales, exhales, opens and closes her mouth a few times before finally being able to get her words out.
“Friends do not kiss.” Yoonchae says, licking her lips. “And I definitely like you more than a friend.” Her initial question is answered but now a hundred more form, sensing Yoonchae’s inner turmoil, Lara places her hand on Yoonchae’s shoulder and squeezes it. “Both of you come talk to me when you two have finally figured out your feelings. I don’t mind waiting or sharing.”
Lara’s phone dings and for a moment, Yoonchae expects to be a boy Lara is talking to and for Lara to completely move on from their moment just Like Megan whenever Jonah messaged her. But instead Lara pulls a startled Yoonchae close, playfully kissing her cheek, snapping a photo of the two.
“Rhea ratted us out to Manon and they both messaged me, they wanted to know why ‘baby’ Yoonchip was asking about kissing.” Lara explained as she sent them the photo before showing it to Yoonchae. Yoonchae lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. The fact that this wasn’t a Megan and Jonah situation again was such a huge relief. Lara noticed the change in Yoonchae's demeanor and wrapped the girl’s hand in her own. “But seriously, take some time with Megan to actually talk about your feelings. And then we’ll talk about our feelings.”
March, 2025
Yoonchae never did get a chance to talk to Megan like Lara said, she wishes that she did. But just because her and Lara don’t talk about their feelings doesn’t mean they don’t act on them.
They’re all at Dani's house celebrating the fact that dumb and dumber (Sophia and Dani) were finally able to form a coherent sentence around Manon and ask her out. The three were all huddled together like lovesick fools bickering about what movie they should play, ‘Megan’ sat next to them but instead of engaging in their bickering she’s staring directly at Yoonchae, a slightly irritated expression on her face. Because Yoonchae was laying down on the couch with her head on Lara’s lap, and Lara’s fingers intertwined with her hair. Yoonchae looked over at ‘Megan’ before looking away. Focusing instead on the feeling of Lara against her, trying to calm down her fluttering heart. She feels a slight tug on her head and looks up to see Lara tilting her head at ‘Megan’ and then at her. Yoonchae didn’t need words to know what Lara was asking. She shook her head, no, she and ‘Megan’ didn’t fight or anything. In fact they’ve been acting like everything was normal. Yoonchae just had another nightmare about the real Megan and wanted to be comforted by someone who was still here.
There’s shuffling on her side and she feels ‘Megan’ lift up her legs so she can scoot closer and place them on her lap, Lara chuckles and makes a comment on ‘Megan’s’ jealousy that the girl chooses to ignore and instead tries to initiate a conversation with Yoonchae. Yoonchae instead closes her eyes and tries to have a good dream about the real Megan.
“What’s the deal between you and Lara?” ‘Megan’ asks as they walk back to Yoonchae’s house, being kicked out by the grannies of their friend group so they could have alone time, gross.
It’s not the first time she’s been confronted about her closeness with Lara by Megan. Last time, she had been annoyed and threw the question right back in her face about Jonah and the two dropped it.
“What’s the deal between you and Jonah?” Yoonchae feels like a broken record, replaying the same thing over and over again, slightly distorted. ‘Megan’ stops walking and Yoonchae awaits her to drop it so they can go back to ignoring their feelings and stay in this limbo of more than friends but also not. “I’m not seeing Jonah anymore.” Megan admits. Now it’s Yoonchae’s turn to freeze, because what?? She doesn’t understand and says so. “I thought he makes you happy?”
‘Megan’ stares at Yoonchae for an uncomfortable amount before walking up to the girl and gently grabbing her face. It’s different from how Megan would. Megan always grabbed Yoonchae like she was afraid of breaking her. The ‘Megan’ in front of her grabs her like she’s afraid Yoonchae would disappear if she let go.
“You’re the only person who makes me truly happy, Yoonchae.” She softly confesses before pressing their foreheads together. Yoonchae stays frozen for a few seconds more before leaning into the touch.
“You make me happy too, ‘Megan’.” She whispers back.
June 26th, 2025
“Happy birthday!” They all shout at the end of the song, urging Manon to blow out the candles.
Sophia and Dani both cling onto Manon’s arms as she does, Lara and ‘Megan’ both use their phones to record the moment, and Yoonchae is holding up the cake.
“Congrats to me on my twenty-first birthday!” Manon exclaims before blowing out the candles.
“Yeah for the third time in a row.” ‘Megan’ scoffs, earning a slap on the arm from Manon.
“Enough fighting, let’s eat!” Sophia says, separating the two before they could escalate the fight.
Yoonchae cleans up the paper plates alongside Sophia while Lara and ‘Megan’ pick up the wrapping paper trash from Manon’s gifts. Manon wipes the peanut butter frosting off her face before laying her head on Dani’s lap. After finishing cleaning up the rest of the girls join the two.
“Thanks guys, what a perfect birthday.” Manon sighs, satisfied, she turns her head over at a lamp and chuckles. “And of course, right when my day was getting good, the lamp starts to look weird.”
“The lamp?” Yoonchae asked, staring at it intensely. “What's wrong with the lamp, Manon?” Nothing seemed out of the ordinary about it. Sophia barked out a laugh at that and Yoonchae scowled at her. “What?”
“It’s a meme from Reddit.” Lara explained grabbing her phone to pull up what Manon was referencing, leading to some horror story of a man who realizes his entire life is just a dream in his comatose state when he's the only one to notice the lamp looking strange. “It's old, but it's popular, you know it, right Megan?”
‘Megan’ looked up from her phone and shook her head.
“Nope.” She replied, grinning when Dani made a comment about her being so chronically online. “You know all I do is play roblox with my Yoonchip.” She countered, sliding her hands around said girl, pulling her into a hug and smiling.
Yoonchae held back a flinch and made herself look at ‘Megan’. Perhaps, if she stared long enough while knowing something was wrong, she'd wake up from whatever nightmare this was and her Megan would return. Safe, sound, and not dead being used as a skinsuit.
Instead the group had moved on, making plans to all see the second part of wicked when it released in theaters. Yoonchae looked around the room, Manon and Lara holding hands as they bickered with Sophia and Dani over who was paying for tickets. Dani was practically sitting in Sophia’s lap at this point, her hands holding Sophia’s arms as they were wrapped around her waist. And then she and ‘Megan’ on the other side of the bed, ‘Megan’ still had her hands around Yoonchae’s neck. It was supposed to feel domestic, like how it used to before. But it didn't, because this wasn't some nightmare caused by a coma. This was her reality. Megan was dead, something had taken over her corpse, and she was the only one who knew.
Instead of the usual warmness she felt when being close to Megan, it felt like she was being suffocated.
“Ok!” Manon announced, clapping her hands and gesturing to Sophia and Dani. “It’s time for my birthday present.”
The two stood there stupidly before getting the message and urging Lara, Megan, and Yoonchae out of Manon's apartment.
“Really, right in front of my salad?” Lara laughed as she headed to her car.
“Sophia! You and Dani were my ride here!” Yoonchae groaned.
“Megan can drive you home, you’ll be fine!” Sophia reassured, shoving the teenager out the door.
“You’re a horrible unnie.” Yoonchae scoffs.
“Text me when you get home!” Sophia responds, closing the door and locking it.
“Yoonchae?” The girl jolted and looked over to face ‘Megan’ “Do you want to get ice cream? It’s hot.”
As if on command, Yoonchae started to feel the intensity of the summer heat, yeah ice cream sounded good. She nodded and entered Megan’s car.
“I can’t believe they only had popsicles.” Megan sighed as she opened up her cherry flavored one, devouring it quickly.
Yoonchae picked at her watermelon one, more so letting it melt onto the sidewalk. She turned to look at ‘Megan’, her voice of reason nagging at her to ask. Though she knew what had happened to Megan, it wouldn’t hurt to maybe get confirmation. A part of her was naively hoping that maybe Megan hadn’t actually died on the mountain and that Yoonchae was just crazy. She’d rather be crazy than right in this situation.
“Hey, that night, when you went missing. What happened?” She asked.
‘Megan’ hummed as she thought of her answer. “I don’t remember.”
Yoonchae’s brows furrowed. “You were gone for a week. We were all so worried.” She scoffed, pushing ‘Megan’s’ head.
‘Megan’ shrieked, and slapped Yoonchae’s hand away. “Don’t bully me just because you’re taller! You got to respect your noona!”
Noona
“You’re my unnie, Megan, noona is what boys call girls older than them. I taught you this already.”
“Oh, sorry.” ‘Megan’ smiled sheepishly before finishing her popsicle.
“Megan?”
“Yeah, Yoonchae?”
“Can I ask you something?”
‘Megan’ grinned. “What? Finally gonna confess your love for me?”
“Hell no.” ‘Megan’ giggled. “Then what?”
Yooncha paused, taking a deep breath.
"You're not Megan, are you?”
Silence seemed to envelope the world as ‘Megan’s’ grin left her face, a distressed look replacing it.
“My imitation was supposed to be perfect.” ‘Megan’ said as part of her face melted away into a liquid of colors and shapes.
Yoonchae should run, she should definitely run right now. But her body won’t move, it stays frozen as ‘Megan’ starts crying and hugs Yoonchae tightly.
“I know I’m not her, but this is my first time being a human. And I really really like you Yoonchae.” ‘Megan’ sobs pitifully as she hugs the catatonic teenager tighter. “I don’t want to kill you, so please, don’t tell anyone.”
The fog clears from Yoonchae’s head, she realizes she hadn’t fully accepted Megan’s death until now. Just existing in a pool of denial and anger for the last five months. Megan was dead. She was dead. And she wasn’t coming back now that Yoonchae had verbally pointed it out.
Her Megan might be gone, and the one in front of her might not be human, only pretending to be. But at that moment, Yoonchae decides that it’s better than not having Megan at all. So she should really stop being so distant towards her.
“You like me?” Yoonchae asks, looking down. ‘Megan’ nods rapidly, sniffling.
“Yes. I’m crazy about you Yoonchae.” She cries.
Yoonchae slowly reciprocates the hug, closing her eyes.
“Then don’t leave me again, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I won’t tell anyone, I promise Megan.”
January, 2025
“Whoever said your entire life flashes before your eyes when you’re about to die is a fucking liar.” Megan thinks in a bitterly humorous fashion, more bitter than humor.
It’s the first coherent thought she forms when the fog from hitting her head clears, though she knows it’s because she’s slowly slipping away, not getting better. The pain is starting to numb and so is the cold from being stuck in the rain.
No, instead of getting that stereotypical flashes of her life from childhood to the end stages of being a teenager, her mind is stuck on one of her earliest memories of Yoonchae, when she wasn’t Yoonchae or her everything and just some girl from Korea who could barely speak English that Sophia’s family decided to foster. Sophia had brought her to Dani and Megan’s dance class so that the girl wouldn’t be alone in their home and maybe make some new friends. She ended up cooped in a corner, silently sketching while Sophia openly admired her girlfriend. During one of their breaks Megan was goofing with one of her friends when she had tripped and landed flat on her ass. Her plan was to graciously laugh it off before getting up with even more grace when a hand was suddenly in her field of view. Looking up she saw Yoonchae was the one extending it, a slight look of concern plastered on her face and Megan can’t help the irritation that bubbles inside her at that. Why? She’s not entirely sure. But she waves the hand away, accidentally smacking Yoonchae’s in the process and quickly stands up, causing her to stumble and sway. Only to be steadied by Yoonchae, if she was upset by Megan rejecting her help, it didn’t show. She only slightly chuckled as she dusted Megan off and Megan wonders why her face feels so hot?? It must be from embarrassment she concludes as she chuckles alongside Yoonchae, her hand’s slipped from Megan’s arm to her hand, but neither of them really mind before Dani’s mom calls for the girls to return to practice. And before Megan can register it, Yoonchae’s already slipped back to her corner, sketchbook in hand, but every now and then her eyes meet Megan’s and by the time practice is done, Sophia is dragging both Dani and Megan back to her home while Yoonchae trails alongside ecstatic that Yoonchae made herself a friend.
And honestly, now that she thinks back on it, why the fuck didn’t she take Yoonchae’s hand then? How many times had Yoonchae extended a hand to her, how many times had Megan smacked it away because she wasn’t mature enough to acknowledge her feelings? How many times had Yoonchae still stayed and steadied her when she fumbled despite getting hurt by Megan? Why did she think she would have so much time with Yoonchae in the future that she decided to waste it now? If her limbs didn’t feel like lead she would slap herself in the face for being so stupid.
Her vision darkens and for a moment she thinks it’s because she’s finally dying, but no, it’s something reaching out towards her. It’s not human, she can’t make out what it’s supposed to look like, she just knows it’s otherworldly. Great, now on top of dying, a spirit is about to either consume her body or possess it. No one would ever find her, Yoonchae would never learn what happened to her.
Yoonchae. She couldn’t leave Yoonchae alone, she just couldn’t. The image of Yoonchae sitting by herself in their usual hangout spots, a somber look on her face as she stared at Megan’s empty seat made her heart clench. Or maybe it was the dying that made it hurt. It didn’t matter! What mattered was making sure Yoonchae was going to be ok. So, with her last remaining strength she slowly reached up to the spirit, its form seemed to curl around her fingers, not consuming her. No, it was getting ready to possess her, kill her faster if needed to. Perfect.
“Hey spirit.” Megan cringed, ‘hey spirit’? Really? “I’m going to let you take over, but we have to make a deal first.”
Whatever creature it was that was near her kept its presence on her contained to just her fingers, it was listening, good.
“You gotta keep Yoonchae company, always. You can’t leave her side ever, ok? Even if she’s tired of us. Because we need her as much as she needs us. You got it?”
The weird multicolored being continues its process of possessing Megan. Her vision was completely covered by it now, but it must have agreed to the deal and it must have granted her a small amount of kindness because the last thing Megan sees is a version of her younger self accepting Yoonchae’s hand the first time instead of slapping it away.