Chapter Text
If you want to be a hero so bad, why don’t you take a swan dive off the roof and pray to be a girl in your next life
Midoriya Izuku couldn’t get the words out of his head. Through everything he’d held out hope, dreaming of the day he could become a hero and prove to the world that being quirkless, being a man, didn’t make him useless. He was so determined to become the number one hero, to show the world exactly how wrong society had contorted itself. To be a symbol of hope for men that they had potential to live a full life. A symbol of hope against prejudice, injustice and cruelty. A symbol of hope so that no-one would have to lose their father in the same way he and his mother had, returning home one night to a note outside their bedroom. Society was unjust, it had taken the powerless and systematically took away their hope.
Izuku remembered how after Katsuki’s words on the roof, he’d rushed in to save her from the slime villain. It was instinctual and not perfectly executed, but he had done something when every other hero were paralyzed in indecision. And he had done a damn good job all things considered, using his analysis of heroes in his actions. Sure All-Might had been the one to actually save her, but without him Katsuki would have suffocated. It wasn’t just a possibility; he could see her consciousness beginning to fade as he arrived. Then those heroes that started approaching him, complimenting him on his quick thinking and heroic nature. They had sounded so genuine in their admiration. All until they got a proper look at him and saw he was a man. Suddenly the praise dropped into admonishments, how could he possibly be so stupid as to try something like that? They charged him with community service for acts of ‘vigilantism’ and told him never to do something like that again. The faces of those heroes were forever scorched into his brain.
Even through it all though he held firm. All-might was a hero whose very existence was a symbol. She was the symbol of peace. Izuku wanted that too, wanted to be a symbol of equality, overcoming prejudice and adversity. Through everything he wanted to fix society, but he wanted to do it through hope.
But here he was, sat in his home. His mother, Inko Midoriya, crying her eyes out next to his left. Ever since his father had ended his life, Izuku could see the shell of a woman she’d started to become. She still tried her best to be a good mother, but that hurt never really went away. As such, Izuku stopped leaning on her when things were getting rough, he couldn’t bring himself to burden her further. He loved her dearly though, spending his afternoons cooking for her, comforting her and whatever else he could do to ease the grief. Then to his right was his girlfriend, Melissa Shield, glaring with an anger he’d never seen before. Many a date was spent between them designing tech they could use as heroes, completing fitness routines, analysing heroes together or sparring together. She had been a shining light in the darkest tunnels.
The letter from U.A. was in his hand. Despite the strength of emotion pouring from the two women he loved, he just stared catatonic at the projection of All-Might, cycling through the same message over and over.
Young Midoriya! We have received your application to U.A., but I am sorry to inform you that we no longer accept male students at out institution. We have never had a male applicant for U.A. before, and as such no rule was ever made against it, but after review it has been decided for your safety that it be disallowed. This rule shall be put into place immediately for the future. Given this, we must reject your application. Our deepest apologies!
Izuku felt like he should be angry. Like he should be sad. But he just felt empty. A pit in his stomach that had been growing for years having finally emptied out all his insides. Those words from Katsuki looped through his mind.
If you want to be a hero so bad, why don’t you take a swan dive off the roof and pray to be a girl in your next life
“I’m so sorry Izuku!” his mother cried out.
“It’s alright mum, this was always going to be a possibility. It’ll be alright”
Even as he wanted nothing more than for everything to just stop, he knew his mother was suffering. Just as he always had, he’d put on a brave face to comfort Inko. She didn’t need empty Izuku right now, she needed confident Izuku, the Izuku with a smile on his face that told her everything would work out fine.
Melissa couldn't believe what she was hearing. “I can’t believe-. Auntie would never say those things”
“I met her the other day you know”
“What-?!” both women cried at once.
“After the slime villain incident. I asked her if I could be a hero even though I was born male”
Melissa felt a pain at the back of her throat. “-and?”
“She said no. Told me it wasn’t safe, that I’d be endangering myself and others. Told me I should have left the pros to help Katsuki rather than recklessly endangering everything. And I can’t help but think… maybe she was right” Izuku lamented
Inko’s tears and Melissa’s rage both shifted towards a sense of mortification. Izuku had felt like giving up before, but every time they were able to help him bounce back. But they both knew how he idolized All-Might. If she had personally told him he couldn’t do it, they weren’t sure he would ever be able to let that one go.
“Izuku, no! Don’t you ever-” “Baby, that’s not true-!”
“It’s alright mum, my love" Izuku reassured, holding his steady look a little longer "It’s getting late, I’ll see you tomorrow, promise"
He looked back one last time.
"…I love you both, so fucking much”
With that he retired to his room. He felt like this was the point he should start crying, maybe punch the wall, show any sign of distress at the news. Yet still all he felt was empty, that aching hole in his chest. At least he could drop the fake smile and let himself feel the emptiness.
If you want to be a hero so bad, why don’t you take a swan dive off the roof and pray to be a girl in your next life
He could hear the girls talk through the room. Muffled, but there. He was glad the two got along so well. From the moment he’d brought Melissa home his mother had fell in love almost as hard as he had, he was convinced she would adopt her on the spot if she could. He supposed it was good she hadn’t though, Melissa becoming his sister might have complicated their relationship a little bit.
If you want to be a hero so bad, why don’t you take a swan dive off the roof and pray to be a girl in your next life
He was glad they would have each other. The thought of leaving either of them alone was painful, but they would always be there for each other. He was no longer any form of glue holding them together, they already bonded themselves.
An hour later he heard the voices stop. Left in the emptiness, the quiet that seeped into all corners of the room. He pulled out some paper; he’d leave them a note. Despite it all they needed to know it wasn’t their fault; he loved them too much for them to ever blame themselves. He’d always thought his father was a coward for leaving Inko like he did, to the grief that consumed her. But he understood it now. Just how crushing that feeling of powerlessness could be.
It wasn’t a long note, but he felt it put across everything he wanted to say in a final goodbye. He made it clear it wasn’t their fault. Asked them to care for one another when he was gone. And that he was simply too tired to keep going. Not being able to even try to achieve his goals was a level of hopelessness he hoped they would never feel.
Taking the note with him, he softly headed to the roof. He was as quiet as he could be, he didn’t want to wake them. Let them have one last peaceful night. The rooftop itself was peaceful. The biting cold meant very little to him right now, it was still beautiful. He just let himself feel it all, one last prayer that the beauty of life one finds in these quiet, reverential moments would be enough to fill that void. But it didn’t. It soothed the brain, it filled the soul. But what was beauty without hope? The world had told him his dreams were impossible, and he had still dared to hope. All-Might herself had told her she thought it couldn’t happen, and he was still willing to give it his all. But they had denied him the chance to even try. There was beauty, there was love, but there was no future for him. He could never be the hero to show the world they were wrong about men, to be a symbol of hope for them, to play his part in righting society. His mind was made up.
He walked to the side of the roof. Only a small barrier separated him from being free. Lightly he set the note down below him, perched against the railing. The stars shone in the night sky, cold wind blew around him, the outstretching span of buildings teeming with life before him. He was going to miss it all.
But before he could climb the railing, he was pulled back with tremendous force. He didn’t feel a hand on his back or any pressure, and for a moment he thought maybe the gods themselves were denying him. But as he looked behind him, those thoughts were struck from his mind quickly.
Inko and Melissa stood on the opposite side of the roof, tears lining their eyes. Inko’s hand was out, in her grief at the scene her quirk seemed to evolve. The quirk which once could only move small objects a short distance suddenly being powerful enough to pull Izuku away from the ledge. Nobody spoke, for a minute all that could be heard was the gentle sound of tears being shed. All the guilt Izuku had suppressed was coming to him full force, being forced to confront the two women he loved beyond life himself as he was about to commit an action that would hurt them in such a profound way.
“How… How long have you been standing there?” he asked tentively
“We came up once we finished talking earlier, just waiting. Inko was worried you might do something.” -the words came out Melissa's mouth in a whisper, as if speaking them too loudly could bring it about- “I never believed- I didn’t think you’d-”
“You had the same look your father did. The last time I saw him” Inko tagged in, emotions warring on her face.
“I- I’m so sorry. I just-”
“We know sweetie, but this… this isn’t the answer”
“I don’t know- what to do”
“It’s a good thing you’re dating someone so much smarter than you, huh?”
Melissa's joke got a light, barely audible, tear-filled chuckle from the three. It was small, but by no means was it inconsequential. It was a small flicker of hope in the midst of their grief. She continued
“You wanted to be a hero, but society denied you the chance to prove you could. It beats you down, beats me down too, all because we lack quirks. Well then, I don’t want to be part of that society. And if society decides you can’t try and be a hero because of how you were born, then frankly heroism has lost its meaning. I do not want to be a hero in this society, I don’t think you could be the hero you wanted to be in this society”
“Then what? What option is there?” Izuku responded
“For someone so bright you can be pretty dense. The answer is clear, if we want to make a better world, then the world has left us only one choice. We simply become villains”
"..."
"..."
“What-?!”
His mother chimed in now. “We talked about it, Izuku. I was heartbroken when we got the letter, but thinking about it being a hero in a society that flaunts its injustices is a life I’d never wish for you. And I’d wish you the world and more. They denied you the chance because they thought you were weak and powerless. Well, I believe it’s time we show them just how wrong they were”
HIs brain was stalling hard. “But I don’t want to hurt anyone, I want to protect people. That’s always been what it’s about, at its core”
“You will be, when we change society we’ll be saving countless future generations. You may not be a symbol of hope, but you’ll be a symbol of power. You can show people they’ve been wrong this whole time; how harmful their views are. And we don’t have to be evil. No innocents hurt or mindless violence. Focussed on killing the scum of heroes and villains alike. Villains working towards fixing society, forced to fight society because it made us. Not monsters tearing down anything they see, with no thought or emotion” Melissa depicted.
Inko continued. “Plus, you have the tech designed already, your hero tech just becomes villain tech. Then you have notebooks on nearly every hero out there and have developed the skills to analyse everything you’d need to about new heroes as you fight. You have all the preparation you need. All your hero training can apply to being the number one villain. Then, when we form a villain group, you’ll be able to help them develop themselves and their quirks. You have the brains and the heart to be a leader, Izuku. Even when the world did everything it could to crush you, you never stopped growing. Now, when the world pushed you to the brink, till you would rather die than continue trying, we fight society rather than quietly let go. There will be others who die, who are loved like you are loved, if we do not go out there and protect them”
Everything was processing in Izuku’s mind. It all felt so utterly bizarre to him, it was the exact opposite of everything he had been trying to achieve his whole life. Yet there was such clarity in the grief of realisation of what he had try to do, of the fact that they were right. That he had just let it all whittle him down until he had given up fighting. When he looked at the pair, when he saw the love and the fire behind their tear-ridden eyes, it all seemed to become a lot simpler. It made sense to him despite it all, but more importantly the women he loved believed in it so wholeheartedly. There was only one answer for him to give.
“Okay”