Chapter Text
Afterwords
“It turns out that the Vitellians are… connoisseurs of the mating act,” Sam Kirk explains, beet red. “They, uh, record their visitors to add to their archives, Captains.”
Marie Batel blushes and tamps down the impulse to find some place small and dark to burrow into and never come out of.
Chris isn’t doing much better, she can see how red his ears are.
“We were able to acquire a sample of the drugs they used on the crew. Except for Spock’s allergic reaction, we believe the rest of those dosed are free from after effects from the drugs,” Joseph M’benga adds. “There were, however, injuries resulting from the crew’s activities.”
“Mostly typical sex injuries: strained backs, twisted ankles, foreign object retrieval,” Christine says, struggling to keep a straight face. “There were a few more serious concerns, but the physical effects are currently all under control. Emotionally… there’s a lot of embarrassment and more trauma responses than I’d like to see. There are some people who are going to need to avoid each other for the near future. We’ll have to juggle the duty rosters.”
La’an continues the briefing. “We have so far been unable to retrieve the original footage of any of the Vitellian’s… forced assignations. We do have copies of all the footage that we believe was taken, as the citizens of Vitellia seem to be broadcasting it on several different media channels.” La’an voice is not doing much to hide the growl underneath her words. It would probably be in the best interest of any Vitellian who wanted to live to stay far, far away from her.
Uhura piped up next. “The Vitellians have not only sent us copies of the footage, but also of the commentary attached to those videos. Apparently there is also a worldwide rating system—“
“Let me stop you there. Unless it is of vital importance to ship security, I do not want to know,” Chris says.
“It actually is,” La’an grumbles. “Several people have seen their own ratings and are either upset about them or bragging in a way that leads to conflict.”
Chris shakes his head. “Where’s a good memory erasing anomaly when you need one?”
“You broke the last one,” Una says, sotto voiced.
Chris gives her a look that would scare an ensign into pissing his pants. Una just grins at him.
“On that note,” La’an says, “there have already been two fist fights related to either the footage or the ratings of the footage. I had to write the reports. I’m joining the list of people traumatized for life.”
“It can’t have been that bad,” Sam says.
“One ensign objected to the low rating of his cunnilingus skills. His partner stood by the rating, and her other partner knocked the first one flat when words were exchanged between the original couple.” La’an stares down Sam as she says it.
“Okay, sorry!” he replies, hands up. “I clearly know nothing.”
Marie shakes her head. Somehow the Enterprise always pulls the weirdest assignments. The crew of the Cayuga has never had their memories wiped, their sexescapades filmed, or gotten themselves turned into another species.
“So to recap, half the crew was filmed in some sort of sexual situation, the recordings have been broadcast across the planet below us, and the viewers’ are now rating those crew members’ skills,” Una says.
“That sounds about right,” Chris replies.
“So, my suggestion: mark the entire solar system off limits and pretend it never happened.”
Marie gives Una a questioning look, but Una just shrugs. “Best plan I’ve got at the moment,” she says.
“Ignore it and it’ll go away won’t work if the crew still has the videos. And I’m sure they do. In fact, I suspect those videos have already escaped the Enterprise to a wider audience,” La’an argues. “Anyone can have access to any of the videos because the Vitellians keep broadcasting them.”
Sam leans back. “The videos are out there and there’s no way to put the genie back into the bottle, that’s what you're saying.”
“More or less,” La’an replies. “There’s no way to stop either the broadcasts or the dispersal of the videos. We’re just going to have to manage the interpersonal conflicts, unless you’ll let me torpedo the planet?” La’an asks.
“As much as I recognize this is a problem, and knowing that I am featured on one of those videos, I still can’t let you destroy an inhabited planet.” Chris shakes his head, a rueful grin in place.
“I figured,” La’an replies, with an exaggerated sigh.