Chapter Text
It was cold. Unbearably, unavoidably, cold.
Normally, sitting next to somebody that you’ve known your entire life shouldn’t feel so cold. It shouldn’t send an ache within your bones, a nervous feeling that chills your entire body. Noelle didn’t know what it was, but she couldn’t stop feeling uneasy. Uneasy and cold.
She sat on her pink couch, watching the cacti on the table next to her TV. Despite leading Kris into her room to talk, it somehow felt too awkward to start now.
Noelle liked watching people. It felt comfortable to trace the faces of the people she loved with her eyes or memorize their breathing patterns from watching the slow rise and fall of their chests or focusing on the sound of their breath. Nobody can slip away if you can easily reconstruct their image inside of your head. Although lately, Noelle was beginning to doubt her memories.
Kris had begun breathing strangely. Instead of unstable, shallow breathing through the mouth, Kris had begun breathing deeply through their nose – as if every breath was a painful, forced mannerism that they had never done before. It sounded like a strange detail to focus on whenever she thought about it, but it felt even stranger that nobody other than her had noticed.
Despite this, the harder she focused on the cacti, the more she could hear the squirmy, shallow breaths of the person next to her. The same as last night.
───⋆⋅❄⋅⋆───
Last night. It was weird to even think about. After coming home from the library, Noelle still felt sleepy despite having slept throughout her study session. In fact, she didn’t feel rested at all. For such a long dream, it felt like the worst sleep she had ever had. Especially because of that horrible dream she kept replaying in her head.
Once she got home, each time she tried to close her eyes, that dream would play again. A sickly pure white snow would cloud her vision, and she’d clutch onto her blankets hoping to shake off the cold feeling in her gut. Even worse, she could hear Kris in the dream. Normally, that would be a good thing. Except it didn’t feel like her Kris. That weird breathing, that weird posture that was never there before – they felt like somebody else entirely.
After trying to sleep for what felt like hours, Noelle couldn’t take it anymore. She went out onto her porch dry heaving from how cold everything felt, hoping the warm breeze outside would help her relax even slightly. Every time that dream played in her head, she could only hope it really was a dream. The idea felt too absurd to be real, yet it made her shiver each time she considered it.
She clenched her fist in pain, feeling dizzy from not having eaten, when unexpectedly her finger started hurting. She looked down and saw a trail of blood, edging down. Something was stuck in her finger, and it had torn part of her hand open when she had clenched her fist. It felt hard to care about it.
Noelle clutched onto the white stone pillars of her porch, slowly easing herself down to lean against them. For a bit, it felt nice. The smell of the grass below her reminded her of when Kris would feed her grass as a prank, and then Dess would make them eat double the grass Noelle had been fed or else she’d beat them with her wiffle bat. Noelle closed her eyes, focusing harder on the smell. Slowly, it didn’t feel so cold anymore.
She sat there for a while, feeling the twist in her stomach gradually disappear. Looking down, the frilly white edges of her nightgown were smeared with dirt from the grass, along with red specks of blood from her hand. She frowned, wondering how she would explain that to her mom in the morning. Noelle sighed. The only option was to change into her other nightgown and secretly wash this one.
She started to get up, when suddenly her vision flickered. Noelle tried to catch herself from falling and reached out for the pillar, but watched her hand miss it. About to fall headfirst into her house’s stone driveway, Noelle tried to brace for impact, hoping not to wake her mom with her inevitable thud into the concrete. Instead, she felt a warm hand pulling her to the side. She stumbled backwards and crashed into the body behind her as they broke her fall, both tumbling to the ground.
Noelle groaned as she opened her eyes, feeling two arms still around her as she lay against the person behind her. Realising the position she was in, she quickly tried to get out of the stranger’s embrace, but felt the arms weakly hold her in place.
She froze, confused and scared. Then, she heard the shaky, shallow breaths behind her. It was them.
‘Uhm- Kris...? You’re... uh-m… h-holding me…uh… a bit close...Ha…haha…’ She stuttered, shocked at her neighbour’s sudden appearance. It had been years since Kris scared her like this, or even came past her gates.
Noelle waited for a reply, feeling the arms hold her tighter as the body behind her tried to catch their breath. Something was wrong. She could hear them almost rasping, trying desperately to catch any breath they could.
'Kris...? Are you okay...?' Noelle tried to turn around and see their face, but the arms held her tighter and stopped her.
'Don't...' Kris inhaled sharply. 'Just... give me a second Ell-...Uh...No-elle.. '
Noelle tried to ignore the way Kris had almost called her the old nickname Dess had given her for the first time in years, but felt herself getting warmer by the second. If Kris was being this nice to her, something had to be seriously wrong. 'Okay...' She whispered back, trying to stay calm in the situation.
They both lay there as Kris held onto Noelle, while she heard the breathing behind her getting more and more stable. She had to admit that this was a lot better than thrashing around in her bed trying to sleep, but Noelle did feel a lot more nervous. All of a sudden, the arms let go, and Kris sat up.
Noelle turned around, looking at them. They looked paler than usual, with swollen eyes. Somehow, Kris seemed so fragile to her. This was nothing like the cold, rational person from her dream. Noelle almost felt silly for believing that her dream could be real.
‘Noelle…’ She suddenly realized, Kris’s voice was different. No – it wasn’t different, it was normal again. It was her Kris, with their mumbly voice. ‘I’m sorry for taking your watch, Noelle.’
Kris lifted Noelle’s hand, taking it into theirs. She could feel them trembling beneath her. Were they cold from the night’s breeze? It seemed warm to her, though. Warm enough. She could feel her heart hammering inside of her, a different feeling from the horrible gut one she had had earlier.
‘It was all a stupid prank.’ They spoke softly, yet Noelle could hear them trying to keep their voice from shaking. ‘B…Berdly is going to get better.’ It all sounded so strained to her. Hearing Berdly’s name made her shiver, but Kris’s hand felt like an anchor, warming her back up. She wondered if the blood from her hand had already dried up, or if Kris now had it smeared on their hand too.
She watched as Kris took something out of their pocket, letting go of her hand and gently taking her wrist instead. Her watch was in their hand, but she didn’t remember how she lost it.
Kris unbuckled the watch and placed it onto her wrist, tightening it. ‘Wh-where did you find it…?’ She whispered to them. Kris didn’t reply. Instead, they went back to holding onto her hand, staring down at the dried blood around her finger.
‘I’m sorry for being weird at…the hospital’ They whispered. Noelle looked up at them, and it was the first time in a while she’d ever seen Kris look so weak.
‘It was all a stupid prank, Noelle.’ They continued. Noelle could feel the grip on her hand getting stronger. Maybe it was the heat of the moment, but Noelle could almost feel herself tearing up from the sound of Kris’s voice. ‘Berdly. He’s going to get better.’
At the sound of his name, Noelle shivered again. ‘Okay, Kris.’ She whispered back, sniffling. ‘I believe you.’ She watched the person in front of her tremble yet still hold onto her hand gently. In this moment, Kris seemed so child-like to her. The height difference between the two did contribute to it, but in her eyes, they really looked so small.
Unable to hold herself back anymore, she reached her free hand over and caressed their hair awkwardly. Kris looked up, shocked at the sudden act of comfort, but unable to hold eye contact. Noelle continued, despite feeling as if her heart would jump out of her chest.
To her surprise, Kris didn’t seem to hate it. She couldn’t shake the feeling of awkwardness away, but the trembling slowly faded. Kris didn’t look so weak anymore either. Somehow, they looked angry. Noelle was a bit scared that they were angry at her, but Kris was leaning into her touch too much for that to be it.
Suddenly, Kris turned Noelle’s hand that they had been holding over.
‘Wh-huh?’ Noelle garbled out, surprised. Kris held it up to the porch light, and Noelle realised they had probably seen the dried blood on it. ‘It’s okay, Kris – something just got in my hand, I didn’t bleed that much.’
Kris traced her palm with their fingertips, looking as if they were searching for something near her fingers. Noelle tensed up, getting progressively more flustered as if she wasn’t just petting their head a few seconds ago. Looking at Kris’s face, something was definitely different after she comforted them. Was this flirting? Noelle reddened further at the thought. Was Kris thinking the same things right now?
‘Ouch?!’ Noelle yelped as Kris pulled something out of her hand. She looked down confused, seeing Kris holding a relatively large thorn. Was that stuck in her hand? Noelle wondered why she didn’t register it beforehand. It reminded her of something, but she couldn’t remember what.
She watched as her finger started bleeding again in small droplets, torn open by the thorn being taken out. Kris took her finger in their hand and squeezed it, trying to apply pressure and stop the blood. Noelle was shocked at the lengths Kris was going. Maybe it wasn’t flirting, but she felt lucky to have Kris care about her like this again. She was so silly to think that dream could have been real.
Kris let go of her finger, and Noelle noticed that they were shaking again. She wanted to comfort them once more, but she didn’t know what was upsetting them like this.
‘Noelle.’ Noelle snapped her head back up and made eye contact with Kris. The distance between the two seemed so small. Kris stared deeply into her eyes, and Noelle could see a mix of emotions. Most of all, Kris seemed scared. ‘Tomorrow… when we see each other… don’t mention this. Don’t say that I did this. It’ll. It’ll get heard.’ Noelle could hear their voice start to lose breath again, and their whole body seemed to tremble.
She was confused, but she nodded. She thought they must be meaning that Susie will hear and think they’ve both been doing things behind her back.
‘Noelle…’ Kris looked at her again, eyes still angry yet increasingly more tired. ‘I’m- I’m going to protect you.’
Noelle burst out laughing, surprising Kris. She grinned at them as they started cringing at themselves, seeing their face turn ever so slightly red. She couldn’t believe they had just said something so dumb and anime-like.
‘Okay Krismas, I believe you.’ Noelle giggled, looking at them lower their head. ‘I’ll protect you too…haha…although…I hope this isn’t the punchline into another one of your jokes’
She locked eyes with Kris again and saw the way their bottom lip trembled. She felt a bit guilty, wondering if she had said the wrong thing and ruined the moment. Noelle reached her hand out to Kris again, but before she could reach them, they stood up weakly. ‘I…have to go. Your outfit. It’s cool. I’ll see you… tomorrow.’
Noelle wondered what Kris meant, then remembered she was wearing her nightgown. She instantly reddened, realising that Kris had seen her in an embarrassingly frilly white yet dirty nightgown and must have been internally laughing the entire time.
‘B-Bye!! I…um… I hope you’re okay.’ She whispered back, but Kris had already begun to leave. She carefully stood up, making sure she wouldn't fall again, and opened her front door.
When she turned around one last time, Kris was gone. She sighed, thinking of how her hand felt on their head. And how her hand felt in their hand. And how their fingertips felt tracing her palm.
Noelle reddened again. She knew it was wrong to be thinking of Kris this way, but it felt good to have something to think of that wasn't the snow. She wondered if all of this meant Kris was back.
She quietly stepped inside and walked back to her room. After changing her nightgown, she hid her dirty one underneath her bed, behind a stack of old CDs. She’d have to find a good time to wash it when her mom wasn’t home.
Noelle got back into bed, feeling better than before. Even her bed felt more comfortable.
Although, something still didn’t feel right to her.
She lifted her hand up to the moonlight, looking at it. Noelle had washed the blood off it, but something still felt a bit weird. Every time she looked at her ring finger, her breath shortened. It was like her head didn’t want her focusing on her finger. She couldn’t tell why. There was nothing there anymore, but it felt like something lingered behind inside of her blood or memories.
And Kris. She was so happy to see them again, but why did it feel like the first time in years when she had just seen them earlier today?
Noelle shook her head to herself, trying to push away her thoughts. There was no use focusing on this when she had just managed to calm down.
Although, what did they mean not to mention this? Noelle kept replaying the scene in her head, and it didn’t seem like they meant Susie. They looked far too scared to mean Susie, unless she had started bullying them again secretly. (But that didn't seem like a reasonable assumption to make.)
Kris said they’d see her tomorrow… did that mean they were coming to church? She was excited to see them again, even if it was only going to be at church. Maybe she could try to invite them over on the excuse of working on their projects. She'd find out what was really happening to them, and what they were being so vague about.
Noelle felt a sense of duty about it. She had just sworn to protect them, hadn’t she? Even if it was a joke, she still wanted to keep by that promise.
She looked at the clock on the wall, seeing both hands stop at 3. It seemed she had spent the entire night thinking about Kris. The dream, then seeing them, now this.
Her heart couldn't help but hurt a bit whenever she thought about them. It felt so good to have them back, but something in her felt like she was edging towards a path she shouldn't choose.
Noelle put her pillow over her hand and turned to the side. Tomorrow, maybe Berdly would wake up. Kris wouldn’t lie to her. Not after so long apart.
───⋆⋅❄⋅⋆───
Now, Kris was next to her on the couch, and yet she couldn’t find the words to speak. Noelle could feel her heart throbbing in anticipation.
She kept staring at that cactus, thinking of what to say. A few minutes had passed since Kris had entered the room, and she’d made them awkwardly sit on that couch and wait. It had been a while since they had come over, so maybe she could ask if they wanted to play the piano after they finished.
Thinking of Kris playing the piano again at her house made her heart slightly spin. She breathed in, deciding she had to be strong and start speaking.
‘You know uh, last night… I couldn’t sleep.’ She looked over slightly to Kris, but they weren’t looking in her direction at all, so she continued speaking. ‘Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was just snow. It sounds weird, I know… but… I was terrified, Kris. Terrified that what I dreamt was real.’
She took a deep breath in, struggling to even think about what she was saying. ‘I went out to the porch to breathe, and I stayed outside for a bit. You know uh… I thought of us, as kids. And it helped.’ She winced at herself but kept going. ‘When I got up…Haha… it’s so stupid. I fell. And that’s when you caught me. I was so scared it was a stranger, but then I heard your voice and the way you uh- breathe.’
She heard Kris shifting next to her. The thought of what she was saying making Kris uncomfortable scared her, but after last night, she felt they’d gotten a bit more vulnerable with each other. So, she continued.
‘You said you were sorry for taking my watch, and that it was all a stupid prank. You said Berdly was going to get better.’ Her voice shook slightly. ‘Then you uh- put the watch back on my wrist.’ She paused, slightly flustered at remembering the way they held her hand. ‘You said… that Berdly was going to get better. And I believe you. I do, Kris’
She looked over at them and smiled. ‘Kris… your voice. Your deadpan and mumbly voice. Even if you sounded a bit weak and shaky… I-I don’t know why, but it just felt like so long since I heard it. Kris, kris you’re finally back.’ Noelle’s voice shook again, so she tried to break the awkwardness by laughing. ‘Kris, thank you. Well… haha… no thanks for pranking me! B-but…’
She wished Kris would look at her, but they just kept their head down: their eyes hidden by their long, brown bangs. Part of her couldn’t help but slightly admire their hair. ‘Kris… can I… say something else?’
She watched them nod ever so slightly. ‘Kris…kris there was something else that you did. Something else I have to ask you about.’ She couldn’t hold up the smile anymore.
‘After you said all that, you-you… took my hand and pulled a thorn out of my finger. Then you said…you said that when I saw you again – you said not to mention you did any of this… or-’
Before Noelle could finish her sentence, Kris’s hand was covering her mouth. Noelle blushed in surprise, the scent of apples coming off their hand as if they had been constantly washing it. She gently took their hand and lowered it off her mouth, not letting go of it but instead holding onto it. She could feel them shaking beneath her hand.
‘Kris, it’s okay, it’s just us. Susie’s downstairs.’ She looked into their eyes and saw them slightly trembling. ‘You just said not to mention any of that, because it’d get heard? What did you mea-‘
Kris’s other hand flew up, covering her mouth. Noelle couldn’t help but laugh nervously a bit at how sudden it was. She looked at them confused, then took their hand again and lowered it, now holding both of their hands while they sat.
‘Kris… what’s wrong. It’s okay, it’s just us…’ She let go of one of their hands, raising it up to stroke their hair like she did last night to try and comfort them. Before she could, Kris backed away, and they started breathing more rapidly.
‘No… please-they… it’ll.. Elly. It’ll hear…please-stop’ They mumbled out in shallowed breaths, pained and sounding as if they were on the verge of tears.
Noelle’s heart stopped. The last time she had heard Kris sound so wounded and terrified was when… Dess had gone missing. What did they mean by ‘it’? Hearing their voice have so much pain in it made her heart hurt so much.
‘Kris…who- who’s going to hear?’ She asked, voice trembling. Noelle wanted to reach out and comfort them, to do anything to make them stop being so fragile.
Suddenly, Kris flinched hard.
Noelle could feel a change in the air around them. She watched, terrified, as they clutched onto the couch in pain – their back suddenly going rigid and straightening with a perfect posture. They took a large breath in through their nose, looking down. No longer shaking, they became eerily still.
‘Me.’ Kris spoke, their voice strong and disembodied
Noelle couldn’t breathe. That wasn’t Kris’s voice. That wasn’t the mumbly voice she loved. That wasn’t the voice that had just cried out to her a few seconds ago.
‘Kris..? K-Kris?’ Her voice shook uncontrollably, as she struggled to breathe out of fear. ‘Your… voice, it- changed… haha… K-kris. Tha-that’s- another… joke… right?’ A voice sounding like it was on speaker. The same voice from her dream. Her dream that wasn’t real. And yet, it was the same voice from her dream.
‘Because it wasn’t a dream.’ The voice replied.
Noelle edged away on the couch while her chest tightened. She started to gag, covering her mouth in pain and fear. Kris watched her, but their head seemed to be tilting in an unnatural angle to look at her.
She lowered her hand, sweat covering it. ‘S... Ss-Sorry Kris, what did you say? I-haha… must have misheard you.’ Noelle rasped out. Breathing had begun to be hard, making it difficult to speak. She couldn’t believe any of it. There’s no way. There’s no way they could have heard.
‘I heard.’
She gasped. ‘Wh-whwhat. What are you talking about, Kris? I didn’t say anyth...anything.’ They must be joking. Kris was her neighbour… she’d known them since she was young and nothing like this had ever happened before. Why now? This had to be a prank. Just another one of their horrible pranks. It had to be just a coincidence, or something silly she wasn’t realising the punchline of.
‘It’s not a coincidence.’ The voice echoed out coldly.
It couldn’t be. Noelle could feel tears begin to pool in her eyes. If the voice were real, then so were the dream. If the dream were real, then Kris had done something horrible to her. Her Kris.
No. It was a coincidence. She could catch them out. She would. Noelle wiped her eyes and looked Kris up and down, surveying them.
Their face didn’t look any different, although their head was twisted at a weird angle. It wasn’t a comfortable or normal way to sit: it looked like it really hurt.
Focusing harder, she heard it. Strong, deep breathing in through the nose. Gone was that sporadic breathing Kris usually had. She shivered to herself, realising what that meant.
There was only one, terrifying conclusion.
Something took over her Kris.
She’d seen this before in horror movies, ones about the occult and paranormal that her and Catti had secretly watched together in the dead of night on sleepovers. Normally, they ended in exorcisms. Or somebody dying. Noelle didn’t want either of those options.
Noelle took a deep breath in and tried to calm herself. If they could hear her thoughts, they’d be hearing this too.
She thought to herself: if you can hear me… say red or blue.
‘Red.’ The voice next to her spoke, startling her. Her chest felt heavy again in fear.
She thought to herself again: say… green or black.
‘Black.’
She couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. Say… say it didn’t happen. Just say it didn’t snow.
‘It snowed.’
She squealed in fear and closed her eyes. All reason escaped her. They had to be lying. They’re lying. They must be. She couldn’t have done that to Berdly. Kris couldn’t have done that to her. No. She thought of last night, and how Kris held her hand. How warm they were. That person couldn’t have done that. She silently sobbed to herself.
‘Noelle will get stronger.’
She opened her eyes in horror. ‘Kris…Kris…what did you just say?’ She asked, voice strained. She had heard that before.
The dream started playing in her head again. But this time, all of it played. She started to remember the parts she had blocked out. The sight of Kris behind her, that unnatural voice forcing her bloody hand up to use spells against enemies. Berdly’s eyes meeting hers as his consciousness slipped away. The betrayal he felt in his eyes. The fear, not just for himself, but for her too.
Her stomach churned.
She backed away instinctively, feeling so dizzy she was about to fall off the couch. She had killed someone. And Kris had made her. Kris seeing this as making her stronger disgusted her so deeply she couldn’t breathe.
Kris rigidly took out their hand. They held something inside of it. She could faintly see something red. ‘Kris… Kris what is that… don’t…’ She rasped out.
She backed away, but Kris started inching towards her. She was so lightheaded she could barely feel her body as she moved further away, trying not to fall off the couch. As they got closer, she realised what was in their hand. She wished she hadn’t.
‘Kris…that’s not the thorn, is it?’ She choked out, silently crying. Looking at it, she suddenly remembered how Kris had forced it onto her finger in the dream. How it had made thinking hard and the world look different. If Kris had been taken over by something, why weren’t they at least trying to fight it off for her? Or worse, maybe this was all Kris.
‘That’s-tha.. that’s not the thorn ring… is it???’ She tried to back away, but she couldn’t move a muscle anymore. ‘K-Kris.. come on… you said you’d protect me… Pleaa-se.’ Her voice broke, shaking. ‘What about… what about last night? What about? Didn’t you want to protect- me? Please…please Kris.’
Kris moved closer to her, yet she couldn’t back away. Her body couldn’t move. Nor could she look away from the thorn ring. Something about it was so compelling. The way it called for her. It had a weird aura. It was so red. She couldn’t look away from it. Maybe this was Kris’s love for her.
Noelle snapped herself out of it, hyperventilating. She had to do something or run away or find some way out of this or get Kris to stop or call Susie - Susie why didn’t she think of Susie? This was all because she let herself love Kris she forgot about Susie completely Susie could help her Susie could come anyone could come maybe her mom could come maybe Dess would show up and save her after years or maybe her dad? But her dad was in the hospital so maybe Kris’s dad could come she liked Kris’s dad she liked Kris but Kris was right in front of her Kris was about to do this to her.
She held her hand up, trying to shield herself. ‘Kris I- really think I- I mean I just- I think I need to… g-gosh I think I have to go you know- my mom she’s-aha’
Before she could continue, Kris slid forward, grabbing her hand and lowering it. She squealed in fear, sobbing. Their hand felt so cold. It was nothing like the warm hand that had soothed her yesterday.
‘P-please… Kris… I-I missed you… please…’ She begged, looking at them. ‘Do-on’t… pleaase…’ She swore she could see them shake, but it didn’t matter anymore.
She gasped in pain as they inserted the thorn into her ring finger. It felt so much more worse than in her dream. Noelle couldn’t stop crying. It tore open her finger completely, blood starting to drop out of it too quickly. She closed her eyes, trying to block it all out.
She could feel their other cold hand gently press against hers, trapping her hand in between both of theirs. The blood from her finger smeared on them, and seeing it made her feel dizzy. Her vision blurred at the edges, and she could just about feel them squeezing onto her hand. ‘Kris…?’
Noelle looked at them, and they finally made eye contact. The last thing she saw before fainting was their wet face, and how she could have sworn they reached out for her as they mouthed ‘I’m sorry’.
Then, it all went dark.