Archive of Our Own

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Index chapter! For my sanity and your convenience.

Chapters will be individually rated and listed in the index by the characters involved, POV character first (unless there are multiple POV characters). That information is also in the chapter summary.

With possibly a very few exceptions, the stories are complete in and of themselves so the story is marked complete as a whole because it's easier on my sanity that way.

& = platonic or ambiguous, / = romantic and/or sexual. There's a fair variety here.

Sylvia Tilly & Chris Pike, "fear" (G)

Kathryn Janeway & Sylvia Tilly, "happy" (G)

Sylvia Tilly/Nyota Uhura, "pretty" (G)

Chris Pike & Sylvia Tilly, "secret" (G) (cracky)

Sylvia Tilly/Kathryn Janeway, "hot" (T?)

James T. Kirk/Sylvia Tilly, "sex ed" (T)

Sylvia Tilly & Grudge, "complicated" (G)

Kathryn Janeway & Sylvia Tilly, "distance" (G)

Sylvia Tilly & Kathryn Janeway (Chris Pike), "math" (G)

Nyota Uhura & Sylvia Tilly, "tasteful" (G)

Sylvia Tilly & Chris Pike, "ow" (G)

Nahla Ake & Sylvia Tilly, sunshine (G)

Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway (& Sylvia Tilly), "shine" (G)

Pike/Janeway/Chakotay kisses can be found here.

general Star Trek drabbles (mostly kisses of some kind) here.

Some longer Pike/Tilly and Pike & Tilly ficlets can be found here.

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"This looks fun."

Tilly looks at the slope of the ship, the woefully inadequate-seeming safety gear, glances back at Pike's wolfish grin, and smiles weakly. "Not the word I would use, but okay."

Damn adrenaline junky flyboys. Damn damage to the saucer that means a component which needs her expertise to fix is currently only accessible the long way around. She's not quite sure how the captain ended up being the one to accompany her, but then again, maybe he volunteered. Adrenaline. Junky. Flyboy.

(He does make that EV suit look good, though.)

"Okay, Ensign?"

She cringes. "Hunky-of-the-dory, sir!" Maybe if she keeps saying it, she'll start to believe it.

"'S good to know your ship from all angles," Pike says as they work their way along the edge of the saucer. "You never know when that kind of understanding could be crucial in a life or death situation."

She really does appreciate how easily he assumes she'll command her own ship one day. "You love this," she accuses without heat. "Just wandering around on the edge of a drop into nothing."

He chuckles. "You're safe, Tilly. You're attached to both me and Discovery, so where are you gonna go?"

"I know that, and you know that, but my limbic system is just like three steps up from a monkey's and it thinks I'm gonna fall into space and never be seen again!" She's gotten very squeaky.

"Hey." Pike moves back toward her and puts a hand on her shoulder. "I've got you," he says more seriously. "I'm not gonna let you fall, Tilly. Okay? Breathe with me."

His gaze is steady on hers, and she matches his breaths, and it feels... better.

"Thank you," she manages.

He smiles, gentle and reassuring. "Good girl."

Oh, he needs to stop saying that, or maybe say it a whole lot more. She takes another deep breath.

He squeezes her shoulder. "All right?"

She nods, maybe a little jerkily, but she's doing her best.

"Good. Ready to keep going?"

"I'm fine," she manages, voice high and shaking.

"Not rushing you," he says. "Genuine question."

That makes her relax properly. Lorca would've definitely been rushing her.

He squeezes her shoulder again, rubs lightly with his thumb. "You can do this."

She manages a shaky smile.

He dips to catch her eye. "And I promise I won't let you fall. Okay?"

"Okay."

She believes him.

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"Why aren't you dating him?"

Kathryn jumps and flushes. "I- what?"

Tilly leans on the opposite edge of the window where Kathryn's been staring out at the stars and, admittedly, daydreaming about Chakotay, indulging herself in ways she knows aren't helpful but that she can't always resist.

"Don't play stupid," Tilly says with a smile, "I know how smart you are."

Kathryn rolls her eyes.

"I get it, there are rules for a reason. But you'd both put yourselves on the line for each other anyway, you'd both put your lives on the line for the ship." She shakes her head. "I don't believe you two getting together could possibly be as harmful as you both being so lonely."

Tilly reminds Kathryn of herself sometimes, occasionally in ways that are a little uncomfortable, but the outside perspective is useful even when it points out things she doesn't like to admit.

"Maybe," she admits softly, "maybe I'm scared."

Tilly studies her. "I can understand that," she concedes. "I just-" she grins impishly. "Speaking as a fan of yours, if anyone is capable of having it all..."

Kathryn smiles despite herself.

"You should get to be happy."

She can't argue with that.

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Tilly can't quite believe the prettiest girl in her class has agreed to go on a date with her, and she knows she's talking too much. She pauses to take a breath, and she means to apologise, or maybe start in on a subject that isn't advanced math, but instead what pops out is, "Holy shit, you're so pretty, it makes my brain go all floopy."

Nyota's eyes go wide, and Tilly is immediately mortified.

"I'm so sorry, I need to learn to think before I speak. And also not talk so much." She cringes. "I get nervous and then I can't shut up."

Nyota is looking at her and- oh, wait, she's smiling, kinda shy, but definitely smiling. "I don't mind," she admits. "I love how passionate you are about math." She smiles a little wider and leans in a little closer. "And besides, when the prettiest girl in my class asks me out on a date, I get nervous and can't think of anything to say."

"The... the prettiest girl in our class?"

Nyota nods.

Tilly blinks. "Me?"

Nyota nods again.

"But you're the prettiest girl in our class. You're like... the prettiest person I've ever seen in real life!"

They stare at each other for a long moment, then they're both laughing.

"I wasn't sure if I was being pranked!" Nyota exclaims.

"Are you kidding? I had to double check with Michael that I hadn't imagined it when you said yes!"

Nyota covers her face for a second. "No, that's too cute!"

Tilly grins and squirms happily in her seat. Nyota thinks she's cute. Nyota thinks she's pretty.

"Okay," she says, "not to be overly forward, but before I inevitably do something to ruin this moment, could I possibly maybe kiss you?" She bites her lip; Nyota looks down at her mouth. "It's just that... I really want to kiss you so much, and- oh no, I'm babbling again."

Nyota reaches up and tucks a strand of hair behind Tilly's ear, and Tilly's breath catches. "I don't think you're going to ruin anything," she says; Tilly's afraid it's an excuse not to kiss her, but Nyota's touching her chin and saying, "and also, I'd really like that."

"Oh, thank fuck," Tilly says, and Nyota giggles; their first kiss is full of laughter and tastes of Tilly's last espresso, and might be all the more perfect for it.

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It's a weakness Pike's managed to hide for years, to the point where he almost forgets it even exists. There's Una, but Una always has his back - or at least, wants to keep the advantage to herself, potayto, potahto - so it doesn't matter that she knows.

Thank God Tilly doesn't have nefarious intentions, but he never meant for her to find out. What possessed her to do that? To her captain!

He shakes his head. There's no hiding it now. "This is top secret, Ensign. It doesn't leave this room, understand?" She nods, eyes wide. "Yes. I am indeed... ticklish."

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"I could kiss you," Kathryn says, and something in Tilly's brain just outright breaks.

"I wish you would."

Kathryn looks at her, wide-eyed.

"But not against the mass spectrometer."

The wide-eyed look turns amused and dark. "That," Kathryn says huskily, "may be the hottest thing I've ever heard anyone say."

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"What up, nerd?" Tilly says when she finds him studying (or at least, pretending to) under their favourite tree.

Usually Jim laughs when she calls him that; today it hits a sore spot. "I'm not a nerd," he says as she sits down.

She grins and budges her shoulder into his. "Of course you are, it's why we're friends, duh." Then she frowns. "What's wrong?

He tries for a blank expression, but he's fairly sure it's not working. "Nothing."

She cocks her head at him. "Okay, we can have a whole long, drawn out conversation about why you're sulking, which you know I will eventually figure out because I always do, or you can save a whole bunch of time and effort by telling me so I can fix it."

He pouts. It's not like she doesn't have a point, but.

"Jiiimm," she wheedles.

"Finnegan."

People think Tilly is sunshine personified, and she is, but if someone hurts her friends, she's a storm cloud. "I will murder him. They'll never find the body."

It makes Jim feel less bad just knowing she has his back before she even knows what shit Finnegan's pulled. "He called me a loser virgin."

She raises an eyebrow. "Wow, I didn't think anyone even used that word anymore. And he thinks you're the loser?"

Jim pouts some more. "Well..."

"You're so not."

"I mean... technically..."

"Technically what?"

He glances around, making sure no one's within earshot. "Technically, I haven't... actually... you know."

Tilly frowns at him for a moment, then her expression clears. "You haven't had-" She catches herself in time, and he's grateful.

"I'm like... the only person I know who hasn't, it's just embarrassing at this point."

"Well, that's silly."

"I've tried!"

"No, I mean we can change this," she says, as if that makes any sense whatsoever.

"How'd you work that out?"

"I can show you. I'm great at sex. Besides, nerd sex is the best sex."

"What?"

"I know all the secrets," she says. "C'mon, I have a whole presentation. You won't even know yourself."

Jim goggles at her, but doesn't protest when she gets up, pulls him to his feet, and leads him back off to the dorms. What does he have to lose?

(Tilly's presentation is extremely thorough; there are tests, slideshows, and practical demonstrations. She is, as promised, great at sex.

Jim leaves her room a changed man.)

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"Stupider people than us have done this," Tilly says, as she attempts to figure out the lunch situation.

Grudge watches closely, clearly unimpressed.

Tilly cringes. "I'm sorry!"

She really feels like cat food containers should have improved in nine hundred years, not gotten worse, but apparently no one here agrees.

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Kathryn was always intrigued by the woman Chris talked about; a genius scientist, a big heart, young and raw but with almost boundless potential, the way he described her. Now suddenly she's here, a little older and wiser, but still a live wire, still in love with science, still able to light up a room with her smile despite all she's seen and lost.

It makes Kathryn feel more equal to... well, everything. At least she still has a home to return to, family, loved ones. Tilly's out of time, twice; that sounds lonelier by far than seventy thousand lightyears.

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"Well, see," Tilly explains, "I worked out a way to make the reaction more efficient. The dilithium will last longer; if I can figure out the math, we might even be able to improve what maximum warp means for Voyager."

The captain shakes her head. "Tilly, you're a wonder. How soon can we implement this?"

"The reaction, immediately; the rest, maybe a month?"

Janeway smiles and pats her shoulder. "Chris was right about you," she says, then sweeps out of engineering, leaving Tilly to wonder what the hell he said.

Actually, no, screw that confusingness. She's going back to math.

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Nyota's so glad Tilly put her up to this. The Faire's fun anyway, but she feels like a literal queen in her outfit; immortalising it with a photoshoot is a lot more enjoyable than she expected.

She smooths down her dress, readjusting the bodice to show just enough cleavage to be tasteful, then her face goes hot when she looks up to find Tilly grinning at her knowingly and doing the same.

"It's okay," Tilly says, "it's a Ren Faire, that's the point. You have a great rack; why wouldn't you show it off?"

Nyota flushes, but Tilly's not wrong.

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She feels weird, so weird, for like two days, then right there in the middle of the bridge, the pain ramps up and she whimpers.

"Ensign?"

She really didn't mean to make that noise in front of the captain, that's embarrassing. She winces and tries to be normal, tries to open her eyes, but only one of them will actually open, and oh, the bridge is too bright and too flashy and far too loud.

"Migraine," she manages, because sometimes she can work through them (mostly Lorca made her work through them), but this one is a doozy (and Pike is kind), so maybe this once she can go to sickbay, get some of the good stuff, and sleep for twelve hours.

She's wobbly, but then someone's drawing her arm over their shoulder, and- oh, it's Captain Pike again? He really is so kind. She's not used to it.

He calls for an emergency transport to sickbay, and she opens her mouth to say it's not really an emergency, she could just take the turbo-lift, but then they're in sickbay, she's being helped into a biobed, and Pike tells her to rest well, and there's a hypospray, and she's out.

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Nahla immediately smiles when Tilly walks into her office; she can't help it. Something about Tilly feels like walking out into sunshine.

"Hi, Nahla."

"Thanks for coming."

"Of course." Tilly looks around the room. "It's good to be back here, in San Francisco. Takes me back." She grins. "Even better with you here."

Nahla chuckles. "Charlie got his way in the end. I guess it was inevitable. You want raktajino?"

"Not ice cream?"

"Moba fruit?"

Tilly's face lights up like she's a little girl. "Really?"

"Anything for you."

It's worth it for her smile when she tastes the ice cream.