Archive of Our Own

There wasn't a storm that night, but Yoo Jaeyi felt thunder roaring her name. The windows, tight shut, were trembling and aching to be opened. The sky was just so clear and quiet that night, her feet pulled her closer to the edge of the balcony.

The view from the vacation house had never been prettier, the moon outlining the forest and river over the black sky. Jumping off the ledge was probably the easiest thing Jaeyi had ever done in her life, wanting to reach the stars reflecting on the water below. Your average person would be scared of the great heights or the act itself, but she wasn't. In fact, it's what she had wished for since birth—Death.

Passing through the Banpo Bridge on her way home every day had manifested a lucid dream during her sleep. A fantasy where she leaped and sank into the Hangang River while wearing a heavy titanium chestplate. Instead of waking up terrified, Jaeyi found comfort in the thought of becoming an anchor, and longed to recreate that feeling again.

Now, as she kept falling, adrenaline kicked in hard, and the noise in her head went silent for once. With no mask to wear anymore, she was so excited to finally... die.

Jaeyi had mentally prepared herself for this moment for years: She painted her room blue to simulate being underwater. She created self-destructive tendencies to experience pain. She gave away her beloved dog so he could be ready for her absence. And she let herself be out of breath in the school's pool to get used to the feeling of drowning, and then resurfaced with a newfound hope of peace.

Yes, Jaeyi had planned every single detail of her suicide. It was a complete shock to the public; everyone wondering what led the high school prodigy to reach this point. After all, she had everything: Beauty. Money. Brains. A bright future.

Ranking first in the CSATs and getting into South Korea's most prestigious medical university, now that was not easy. At least for most people. Jaeyi? Could've probably aced the exam 3 years ago. Everyone just assumed she would become a doctor and inherit her father's hospital after graduating from college. But having privilege in life doesn't mean you ever wanted it. I want nothing.

Jaeyi's father, Yoo Taejoon, was portrayed by the media as an extraordinary parent, author, and genius in the medical field. He had carefully calculated every aspect of Jaeyi's existence before she was even conceived. Taejoon was a methodical person; always 10 steps ahead and never showing a single emotion on his face. Maybe that's why everyone believed Jaeyi was always so calm and collected; he was the only expression she knew.

When Jaeyi was young, Taejoon would often take her to his workplace and let her witness his surgeries. Seeing him save lives had made her want to be just like him. She innocently replicated her father by cutting her plushies' abdomens with toy scissors and taking the stuffing out of their bellies. Taejoon had a glint in his eyes and the hint of a smile at that moment, so Jaeyi formed this need to make him proud.

She observed that he paid more attention to her older sister, Jaena, who would be the best in her class if it weren't for her lower grades in math. Her father attempted to tutor her personally while dismissing Jaeyi's artistic achievements.

"It's pointless, Jaeyi's going to be a doctor anyway."

That's when she figured his approval was measured by performance, not emotions. So Jaeyi pushed her anger aside and studied hard to become the top student.

As she grew older, Jaeyi realized many behaviors she had learned from him were nothing far of sociopathic and even psychopathic. Apparently, not every parent makes their children watch live surgeries every month. She was just trying to copy who was supposed to be a hero saving lives.

She tried her hardest to be different from her father, but somehow still ended up breaking anyone who got a little too close to her. The trail of shattered hearts kept getting longer, and Jaeyi wasn't sure what the extent of God's forgiveness was. But she told herself that, as long as she fit the mold and prayed, she would be okay, ignoring her dreams of death.

Just like Taejoon had planned, Jaeyi was born the perfect daughter. His first child, Jaena, was flawed—weak. She let her feelings get in the way of her decisions, second-guessing what was right or wrong instead of doing what was in her best interest. In an attempt to change this, Taejoon had an idea when Jaeyi caught up to her older sister's academic level.

You know what they say, competition is the strongest motivator for success. So why not make Jaena and Jaeyi rivals?

He told Jaeyi the biblical story of Cain and Abel when she was just six. He made her believe that Jaena was out to get her out of jealousy, just the way Cain had killed his little brother, making toddler Jaeyi develop paranoia and insomnia out of fear of being murdered in her sleep. She pushed her older sister away when Jaena had just been trying to protect her all along, gluing the family together.

When Jaena went missing during the CSATs last year, the dynamic in their house completely changed. Her mother constantly flew overseas, only coming back for events where she had to pretend to be the model wife for the man she wanted to divorce.

Taejoon didn't show it, but Jaeyi had noticed something was off and it had nothing to do with his wife building a new life in the United States. Jaena running away meant he couldn't control her anymore, and her father despised uncertainty.

Needless to say, you could never really escape Yoo Taejoon.

You feel his hand stopping you every time you eat something you shouldn't. You feel his glare piercing your soul while resolving daily equations. You hear the disappointment in his voice whenever you try to pursue art. So you just settle and act like a marionette.

Jaena had to die for Jaeyi to realize she never wanted her gone. Jaeyi just didn't want to kill or be killed. I know, funny thought for a suicidal person. But Jaeyi wanted her death to be her own, a luxury her older sister didn't have. Why her and not me?

They said Jaena threw herself off a cliff. Others think she was pushed. Some believed Jaeyi pushed her.

Truth is, all of them were wrong. None of them knew Yoo Taejoon always pulled the strings, faking his firstborn's death. Jaena was a liability; the only person who knew he'd committed murder.

For Jaena to prove herself, Taejoon had challenged her one last time. She'd have to perform surgery on her math teacher, Woo Dohyuk, whom Jaena had slept with to get better grades. Taejoon hadn't been mad at all; he was actually quite proud of his daughter for finally making a bold decision. Also, she had created the perfect opportunity for Taejoon to blackmail him and obtain the CSAT's Killer Questions.

From Jaeyi's perspective, the real reason Taejoon wanted Jaena to be in that operating room was because he wanted to find someone just like him. A psychopath. When Jaena wasn't and failed both tests, she lost her purpose and was dead to him.

That's why pretending she passed away had been extremely easy for him. Of course it was. After all, he had kidnapped her and knew she was actually safe. He even erased part of her memories, claiming they were tormenting her. Jaena couldn't take care of herself anymore, so it was time for Jaeyi to return the favor and set her free.

After exposing their father's crimes on social media, Jaeyi started a live stream on Instagram. The camera pointed to the open balcony window, the night filling the view with a void. Jaeyi started walking the plank on her textbooks, holding Jaena tightly in her arms.

"Take a deep breath," Jaeyi had whispered to her before taking the final leap.

Jaena's eyes remained shut while Jaeyi wanted to see everything unfold. Opposed to the indoor pool at school, her ears were invaded by strong wind and Jaena's loud scream, reminiscent of the times they rode rollercoasters together. Jaeyi got high off the rush while Jaena was terrified of falling down. This time, she had every right to be—her only security measure was a life jacket, and Jaeyi's was nothing. After all, Jaeyi only wanted Jaena to survive.

The closer they were to their landing, the more Jaeyi could make out the waves of the current. The cries of crows muffled the moment they hit the water, beginning to sink.

Ah, this is it... Peace.

These past years, Jaeyi had been living out of spite with the intention to imprison her father. She believed she had gathered enough evidence to not only get him behind bars but also start discussions about the pressure of being the top student in South Korea. News outlets here only start caring about women once they're dead.

The further she got, the more weightless Jaeyi felt. A relaxed smile formed on her lips. The vast darkness made her really want to fall asleep, her thoughts gone. She reached out her hand, as if saying goodbye to the world.

Yes, this was really it.

Past tense.

The bright timer on her watch reminded Jaeyi of her plan, quickly ruining her temporary bliss. So she swam up and gasped for air, experiencing a different kind of exhilaration. Unfortunately, for Jaeyi's original idea, she had found a reason to live.

Someone.

When most think of love, their first thought is of a man and a woman. You know, "it was the way God intended." Because Jaeyi was an attentive follower, she gave it a try.

Seeing how much power she held over boys was careless fun at first, but Jaeyi could never feel anything for them. After you kiss a bunch of guys, you realize how predictable and boring they are, only wanting one thing in the end: Sex. But as God's loyal disciple, Jaeyi could never let herself go that far. She wondered why God wanted women to have such lifeless relationships, marriage being the primary symbol of love according to the New Testament.

During middle school, Jaeyi had begged her father to put her in an all-girls high school, telling him that boys were distracting her from her studies. He immediately agreed, as if that had been his plan all along; Jaena was already on board to be enrolled in Chaewha Girls' High School.

Destined to always be the center of attention, the switch had definitely made things more... stimulating for Jaeyi. Girls wanted something more complex from her than boys: Acknowledgement. Support. Validation. Understanding. Loyalty. Trust.

When some of her classmates began having non-platonic crushes on her, Jaeyi felt amazed. She hadn't known that was possible, the dynamic becoming an entirely new subject to be learned. Girls weren't expecting kisses or sex from her, so what could it really be? Love?

If women never acted out on their desires for a female partner, then this "affection" couldn't be a sin in God's eyes, right? After all, if God could forgive her for toying with men, then God could forgive her for playing with women.

But even after all those games, Jaeyi didn't think she knew what true love actually meant. She understood the concept in theory, but in practice, it was hard to grasp.

They say that love starts in the family, so Jaeyi thought about the people in her life:

Her parents didn't seem to like each other, at least Jaeyi had never seen them be romantic. Their mom, Eunkyung, was once an extraordinary cellist, but she decided to quit to take care of their children while Taejoon ran his hospital.

She had been so excited when Jaena and Jaeyi got into violin. Eunkyung really did enjoy performing together with her children. While Jaena played for fun, Jaeyi had an innate talent, so her mom signed her up for competitions, and her youngest girl won all of them without breaking a sweat. When Taejoon was dismissive of Jaeyi's musical accomplishments, it was as if he was negating his wife's passion.

Eunkyung couldn't stop him from turning their daughters into studying machines after he had created a trauma out of something they all once loved; Jaeyi silently refusing to play violin ever again. Of course, Taejoon hadn't cared; it was a useless hobby to him.

This pent-up anger towards her husband grew stronger, and Eunkyung began resenting him. In protest, she decided to go back to being a cellist and took international gigs to get away from him since Taejoon didn't let her divorce him. Going to court was a lost cause; he had too many connections. Lawyers, judges, prosecutors... You name it.

Jaeyi didn't blame her mother for leaving, but why couldn't she help them escape too? That was all Jaeyi had longed for.

Meanwhile, Jaena had demonstrated her love by shielding her from their parents' fights and taking care of her better than they ever could. Jaena was the closest Jaeyi ever got to love—if not only the one she'd known—but her father took it away. Then little Jaeyi was left to build a large wall between them, where feelings were not allowed anymore.

Three years ago, the family adopted a dog as a reward for both Jaena and Jaeyi graduating from middle school. Taejoon had allowed it, saying dogs benefit humans' physical and mental health. The girls named the white terrier Jaeyoon, now the youngest 'Jae' in the family.

Unlike everyone around Jaeyi, Jaeyoon had good intentions, so she wanted to take care of him the same way Jaena once cared for her. Jaeyoon filled that hole in her chest and understood her feelings despite her not saying a word. He was always there for her with no expectations, only love to give. Not to mention how cute and handsome he was. Truly the only guy Jaeyi could trust.

The couple of friends she kept close talked behind her back. Kyung and Yeri would leave her in a heartbeat the moment Jaeyi became useless to them.

But then there she was.

Woo Seulgi.

For some reason, that girl was important enough to have a file on her father's desk. The more Jaeyi read, the more her obsession blossomed: She looked up the area where Seulgi went missing as a child, drove there with her dog, bought the exact model of Seulgi's princess dress for Jaeyoon, and rented a similar princess dress for herself, wondering if she could be invisible with a fit like that too... Yeah, right.

After Seulgi got lost on that beach, she ended up growing up in an orphanage—an environment where she had to be wary, otherwise she'd die. She learned that the hard way, often starving and getting taken advantage of until she became the top of her class every year in school. If Seulgi really was this smart, then Jaeyi could finally have a worthy challenger, and Jaena could be replaced. After all, her father wouldn't let her go for long without a rival.

God, Seulgi was the most interesting person Jaeyi had ever come across with. She was so anxious the first day of senior year; she would finally meet the princess from the poster.

Jaeyi kept looking for Seulgi during the orientation ceremony, but she couldn't spot her in any of the seats. Then, halfway through the presentation, her eyes landed on her. Seulgi. She was being kicked out by security for not wearing the school's uniform. Jaeyi felt disappointed to see her go, as if the candy she'd just been given had been taken away immediately.

"Hi, my name is—"

"Yoo Jaeyi, I know. I heard it earlier."

No one had ever dared to speak to Jaeyi like that; it was... Thrilling. Fresh. A rewarding result of her hard work.

Jaeyi had made sure she and Seulgi were in the same class, helped her when her cheap suitcase exploded, and sat beside her to let others know not to mess with her. But Seulgi didn't fall for any of Jaeyi's efforts to befriend her. In Seulgi's world, kindness didn't come for free. That's what made her so unpredictable and hard to crack.

Jaeyi created multiple scenarios to save Seulgi, testing the waters. Whatever bad intentions Taejoon had with her, Jaeyi needed to win her over first. Also, wouldn't it be hilarious if Jaeyi were hanging out with the daughter of the man he killed? He's gonna be so pissed.

As an observer, Jaeyi could easily tell what people wanted and make them feel special. But Seulgi was not desperate for the same things others were.

After many failed attempts, Jaeyi realized Seulgi wasn't interested in friendships, status or charity; the only thing she cared about was getting good grades. However, you can't just study from school workbooks like in the countryside.

In Seoul, you need to attend an expensive cram school and have at least two tutors to be at Chaehwa Girls High School's academic level, and Seulgi didn't have money for any of that.

Naturally, because Jaeyi was Jaeyi, the stars would align and create the perfect opportunity for her to genuinely help Seulgi. Jaeyi just hadn't expected it to come so soon.

When the elevator door opened at her cram school, Seulgi seemed to be in trouble and needed to escape. Fast. Jaeyi gently put her hat on top of Seulgi's head and gave her instructions to reach the emergency stairs towards the roof.

Jaeyi learned Seulgi had filmed a lesson from the consultant chasing her. With that information, Jaeyi had the perfect bait. But not right now. Not while Seulgi was kneeling behind a wall, shaking and breathing heavily. Her hands were covering her ears, and her eyes were tight shut. For a moment, Jaeyi was reminded of herself.

Her older sister would sometimes cover her ears whenever hurtful things were being said. Jaeyi could only imagine Seulgi's mind was somewhere far away; the cigarette burn on her collarbone flashing through her memory.

Jaeyi walked towards the smaller girl and grabbed her hat, deciding not to directly touch Seulgi as she was beginning to have an anxiety attack. The weight lifted off her head seemed to have worked, snapping her back into reality. Seulgi's eyes were now focusing on hers. With a smile, Jaeyi offered her hand and Seulgi took it after composing herself.

Since then, Seulgi started looking at her differently. Jaeyi thought it was appreciation at first, for helping her and all that, but those suspicions were thrown out the window when Jaeyi invited her over for a sleepover.

Seulgi was attracted to her.

It felt different from the other crushes girls had on Jaeyi. Seulgi found her interesting and resourceful, sure, but Jaeyi wasn't her whole world. If Jaeyi didn't reciprocate her feelings, then Seulgi would move on with her life without shedding a tear. Her crush was a bit more similar to the boys', but with the honesty of a girl's heart, seeking both warmth and pleasure.

The way Seulgi would gaze at her lips and turn away whenever Jaeyi got a little close or showed too much skin, it was adorable. But despite her crush, Seulgi could see through Jaeyi's bullshit front and kept her at arm's length.

When the princess from the poster confronted her about having her personal information, Jaeyi felt cornered. Seulgi going through her phone while she was asleep wasn't something she had anticipated, and that made her mad. It was a dirty and unfair move.

"Stop it." That's enough. At least when Jaeyi installed a tracker on Seulgi's Galaxy Flip, the princess had been awake in the bathroom. Come on, Seulgi had practically left the phone at her disposal.

Jaeyi turned around to walk away, but a firm grip on her wrist had forced her right back. "Why should I stop?" Seulgi challenged.

The audacity of touching her like that almost made Jaeyi forget she had the upper hand, too fired up. There was no obligation to tell Seulgi anything, so she gave a blunt excuse to build a wall that didn't exist before. "Your question is so boring, I don't think it deserves an answer."

"Is that it? The same goes for you, Yoo Jaeyi..."

Seulgi spreading her own essay, now that had completely caught her off-guard. That play just wasn't logical in Jaeyi's brain. Seulgi definitely didn't want to help all her classmates write a good essay, so did she just want to expose her origin so Jaeyi couldn't use it against her? That's... brave.

Everything Jaeyi thought she knew about Seulgi was crumbling, and the remains became a fortress between them. One thing was crystal clear though: Seulgi was no longer gazing at her the same way she did yesterday.

"Do you think I'm ashamed of my unfortunate past? You know nothing about me."

Jaeyi's heart tightened as Seulgi got further and further away from her. How could her princess say that after Jaeyi spent months just thinking about her? Jaeyi would never say it out loud, but she was hurt. That only encouraged her urge to win Seulgi over even more.

Surprises often come with disappointments, like finding out Seulgi's great secret to studying was taking medication like everyone else. However, Jaeyi didn't truly believe that her princess wasn't capable. So instead of selling drugs to her, Jaeyi gave her multivitamins and the most recent cram school material.

"How about this?" Because the question from earlier was lame, let's make this exchange fun. "If you score higher than me in these midterms, I'll tell you how I got your information and why I got it."

Then, when Seulgi ranked first place alongside Jaeyi, her blood was boiling with ecstasy. High school was finally turning out to be entertaining again. With cram school materials and no drug use, Seulgi had now become an equal rival.

But a deal's a deal.

Jaeyi remembered the health checkup clearly. Mostly because she hadn't slept a wink. Jaeyi had been waiting for Seulgi at the edge of the rooftop of the hospital. As dangerous as it was, Jaeyi wouldn't have honestly cared if she had fallen—at least at that time. When she turned around and saw Seulgi on her knees... Jaeyi knew she had gained control. Once she felt it though, she didn't want it. Not anymore.

Seulgi had a good heart; her only wish was the complete opposite of Jaeyi's: Survival. She studied hard because a scholarship would fix all her problems, because that was her only way out of a shitty future.

Funny how Seulgi, having all the reasons to die, wanted to live. Meanwhile, Jaeyi, having everything, wanted not to. Jaeyi figured she could leave everything she had left to Seulgi. Top grades. Top place. Top college.

Halfway through the school year, Seulgi was still difficult to figure out, but maybe that's why Jaeyi still couldn't stop thinking about her. How will Seulgi defy me today? God, every second was thrilling.

They were both under the deep sea, except Seulgi was inside an air bubble. When Jaeyi came clean about needing her to take down Taejoon, her honesty broke through Seulgi's forcefield and left her drowning. That was Jaeyi's grave mistake.

She got too close.

When Seulgi stood up to her father at the school festival, Jaeyi realized she had fallen in love. These feelings didn't just happen, they were simply a splash of cold water after being in subconscious denial for months. Seulgi was fearless against the one person Jaeyi couldn't raise her voice to, inspiring her to eventually stand up for herself.

Holding back was extremely hard that night because Jaeyi really wanted to kiss Seulgi in the ball pit, the fireworks, and especially when she had burped in her father's face. Jaeyi had never wanted to kiss anyone before that moment.

Seulgi's lack of exposure to mundane things had Jaeyi discerning she'd never experienced those mundane things herself, her life constricted to competitive activities and healthy meals. Those glimpses with Seulgi made Jaeyi have a new revelation, one greater than God's:

She didn't have to die to be happy.

From the get-go, when she jumped off the balcony, Jaeyi knew there were no rocks that could severely injure her or Jaena at the bottom of the cliff.

"Unnie," she'd called, but her older sister seemed to have passed out from the shock. Maybe that was for the best.

Jaeyi placed a snorkeling mask over Jaena's face, which she'd kept on a toolbelt hidden under her coat. Jaeyi then attached her sister's life vest to the belt with construction carabiners and successfully carried Jaena on her back.

They were ready.

Jaeyi dove as far away as possible from the vacation house before she had to swim back up for air, resetting her wristwatch every time. The extra weight had been in her initial calculations, and that's what she loved about water: Everything felt so light here.

Half an hour later, Jaeyi came across a bifurcation buoy and decided to leave Jaena there, knowing she'd eventually be found. She removed her sister's snorkeling mask and wore it herself. Making sure Jaena wouldn't fall, Jaeyi took one last look at her.

For some reason, she reminisced about the times they took violin lessons together when they were kids. Jaena always learned songs from artists she liked. On the other hand, Jaeyi preferred playing classical pieces and was constantly praised for her precision.

Just like swimming, music was a way to escape reality. For 3 to 5 minutes, Jaeyi got to forget herself and become legends like Paganini, Mozart, and Vivaldi.

Ah, I really did love playing the violin once…

That was until her father made Jaena and Jaeyi use their violin bows to hit each other when one got a test answer wrong. It was always Jaena letting Jaeyi win so Jaena wouldn't hurt her, but Jaeyi had never known until it was too late.

When she had dreamed of killing her sister after she had "passed away," Jaeyi lost it and broke Jaena's violin bow out of frustration. She had never mentally prepared for Jaena's death, expecting to be the one who dies first.

As Jaeyi stared at her sister's resting face, Lucid Fall's "Whenever I see your sorrow" played in her memory. Jaeyi always wondered how Jaena could keep playing violin after being hit by the bow so many times. Jaeyi definitely couldn't out of guilt. Now she realized Jaena played because she knew Jaeyi loved the sound of violins.

I truly wish I had known you better.

She removed Jaena's wet beanie from her head and threw it in the river. "You're not Cain; you're my big sister. I'm all grown up now, so start living your own life moving forward. He can't get to us anymore."

Jaeyi turned around and threaded away, the snorkeling mask making her route smoother.

Another half hour passed before Jaeyi finally reached the docks. She had stashed food, clothes, essential hygiene products, and a wig in a locker nearby. It was quite late, so it wasn't crowded, and her face would be hard to recognize with the mask on.

In an empty changing room, she put on dry clothes and carried her enormous backpack to the motorboat she had rented under a fake name, the wig's hairstyle and color matching her ID picture.

Yes, powerboating was one of the many skills Jaeyi had. It was almost as easy as driving a car, and she had gotten her license on the first try.

After what felt like days, she finally reached her final destination: Gyeongsangbuk-do, the area where Seulgi got lost when she was little. Her telling Jaeyi that seeing their names together also made her happy was enough to push her to keep going.

Jaeyi had a lot of cash savings to survive. Her business at school had taken off well, all Gangnam kids relying on meds that Jaeyi could easily provide by stealing from her father. Funny how he believed it was just a game. If she had killed herself, she would've given the money away to charity so kids like Seulgi never go hungry again.

All things considered, rent was quite cheap in the countryside. Jaeyi got a small rooftop house near the ocean. While she could afford a better space, she had to be mindful of her expenses and not draw attention. Jaeyi would have to get a normal job at some point. Medical university wasn't an option anymore, unless she wanted to get caught by her father. A fake ID could only take her so far.

Jaeyi ditched her wig as soon as she was out of the motorboat and avoided contact as much as she could. She stopped styling her hair, wore non-branded clothes and shoes... And honestly, she didn't hate it. In fact, it was refreshing. As crazy as it sounds, she wasn't living a double life—it felt like Jaeyi was finally getting to know herself in a way she couldn't in the past.

She spent a lot of her free time skateboarding by the coast, surfing in the ocean, and lying on the sand with the comforting sound of the waves. Her once jumbled thoughts were clear: Jaeyi was never the anchor meant to sink at the bottom; she was the sails in search of tranquil shores.

Seulgi had been the wind guiding Jaeyi in the right direction instead of her demise, realizing she could find freedom above ground. For that reason, Jaeyi did her best to pay her back while they were still together. Seulgi was clean from drugs, had all the material to ace the CSAT exam, and most importantly, she was free from Jaeyi.

Or at least that's what she thought.

Jaeyi had been up to date with all the news regarding her own disappearance. That man had been to prison for a few months, but then was set free due to his influence and lack of definite evidence. His hospital's reputation was completely ruined, though.

A swarm of reporters was constantly stalking Seulgi to get any scoop about her being the patient holding the Killer Questions in the operating room and Jaeyi's suicide. When they eventually forgot about her and Taejoon was out of jail, he kept showing up in front of Seulgi's house every day. Her father refused to accept that the person he molded before birth was dead. He was a doctor after all; he needed to see a body, but his bothering of Seulgi angered her so much. She was supposed to be happily living her Jaeyi-free life. Not this hell.

Jaeyi reminisced about when Seulgi jumped from the school's diving board without knowing how to swim. Jaeyi didn't even have time to think twice. She rushed into the pool and pulled Seulgi out. That's when Jaeyi noticed her princess was also wearing heavy armor. Seulgi's wasn't refined titanium like hers; it was leather. Full of holes from all the people she'd ever trusted. All the adults who had failed her. All the kids who bullied her. Jaeyi wondered how many holes she had made herself.

She tore the leather armor off Seulgi and began doing CPR as the girl beneath her was not breathing. Shit, this isn't working. Jaeyi tried giving her mouth-to-mouth respiration, and that's when Seulgi finally spat out some water.

Jaeyi sighed in relief while Seulgi was fucking smirking through her coughs. That unpredictable girl... She really scared her.

Upset, Jaeyi started walking away until she felt a firm hold on her wrist, sending shivers down her spine.

Seulgi told her what to do to trick her father, and Jaeyi hated the idea of putting her at risk. Unfortunately for her, Seulgi was really stubborn; it would be impossible to change her mind. So Jaeyi decided to give her the titanium armor and leave herself bare.

As she skated home, Jaeyi wanted nothing but to turn back. Not to retrieve her safety measure but to get away from that house, contraflow riding on the Jamsu Bridge as if wanting to crash and fall into the wind.

She could endure holding the Yoo title during the day, when she could be in control, but actually being around her family was torture. These days it was just her and her father. She felt he was watching her every move, invisible chains surrounding her body.

Jaeyi was getting tired of pretending she wasn't miserable. She wanted nothing but to dissolve inside the water and erase her name, cleanse her existence.

The feeling of almost losing Seulgi... Jaeyi never wanted to experience it again. She had tried mentally preparing herself for that moment, when Seulgi ultimately dies... It hadn't helped at all.

Is this how Seulgi would feel if I died?

Deep down, Jaeyi knew. That's why she didn't dare to kiss her that night at the festival. Because a kiss changes everything.

Knowing how much Seulgi cares about her, what happens to her heart after Jaeyi commits suicide? The sound of Seulgi's cries rang through her head.

I need to push you away.

The next day, Jaeyi gave Jaeyoon away to her classmate Kyung without a second thought. They had known each other since middle school and Jaeyoon liked her for some reason. Kyung found it weird at first, but when Jaeyi offered her private tutoring for the CSATs, she didn't hesitate to take the opportunity.

That evening, Jaeyi stood atop the diving board, trying to understand Seulgi's thought process last night. As she glanced at the bottom of the pool, a question popped up:

Whose face would you like to see before you die, Seulgi?

"Jaeyi-ah!" a scream echoed in the natatorium.

When she heard her name in between shaky breaths, a sad smile unconsciously formed on her lips.

Jaeyi had been caught red-handed in a vulnerable position. Being honest, Jaeyi had been standing there for over an hour. Of course, she had dove off here multiple times in the past, but tonight was different. For the first time, she was preparing herself to survive.

How did you jump in so mindlessly?

That girl had been through the worst of the worst, but she still wanted a better future. Jaeyi could just follow her father's footsteps and live a good life, but the remains of her humanity were fighting against becoming that psychopath.

Seulgi's worried doe eyes gave her goosebumps. Right then, Jaeyi decided she didn't need to try today.

I'll live for you.

She turned around and stepped into the showers. Jaeyi should've expected it, but Seulgi just barged in as if she were part of the swim club.

"Jaeyi-ah—"

She covered Seulgi's mouth with her hand. At this point, Jaeyi wouldn't be surprised if her father had planted a microphone here after she told him she'd gone swimming, paranoia at its peak. Instead of giving Seulgi explanations, Jaeyi just wrote PLAN B on the steamed mirror.

Half of what Seulgi knew about her plan was bullshit, though. If anything happened to Seulgi, Jaeyi would lose her reason to live. Jaeyi refused to put her in danger outside her sight, not after her father crashed the car of Seulgi's stepmother and made her princess cry.

Seulgi hadn't known the extent of Jaeyi's plan. Not at all. She could give up college, inheritance, family, friends, even her beloved Jaeyoon... But not Seulgi.

It's been almost a whole year.

I wonder if you think about me.

I wonder if you think about me as much as I think of you.

Today is November 12, 2026. Tomorrow is your entrance exam, and I've prepared a gift for you.

Because I know you're definitely going to Hankuk University, I'm returning your dad's university keyring for you to rock it there. I've come to understand that, despite everything, he meant a lot to you. I was projecting my own insecurities, so I'm sorry for being blunt and careless. For what it's worth, I know he loved you very much, and I'm very grateful to him for leading me to you.

Next, I got you a postcard of the Boridol Bridge. I've imagined being here with you a thousand times now. I want to teach you how to swim and fulfill our promise to go scuba diving together. I'm really looking forward to it.

And most importantly, a new pair of shoes. While I don't want you to throw away your wish of having a normal life, I need you to know that I'm alive and that I miss you. I want to be selfish for once in my life and ask you to run away from the reporters and Taejoon. Come be with me at least one last time.

Jaeyi would love to send her a card explaining all that, but there was no need. Her Seulgi would know.

She had read that writing was good therapy, so she's been scribbling letters to her princess every week. However, for this special occasion, a gift felt more appropriate.

She considered different methods to ship the package. If she used mail, she would have to expose her current location, and Jaeyi couldn't afford that with her father still in the picture, so she decided to disguise herself as a delivery person.

That night, Jaeyi wore an oversized uniform and rented a motorcycle to sell the story, keeping the helmet on to hide her identity.

As she went up the stairs, her heart started racing rapidly. Her hands shook uncontrollably as she placed the present on Seulgi's doorstep.

Jaeyi took a deep breath as her finger hovered over the doorbell. She suddenly felt something she had never felt before: Insecurity. What if Seulgi really hated her, resented her for leaving and lying to her? What if she was over her?

Jaeyi felt a gust of wind push her forward. Fuck it, I'm already here, and I cannot risk anyone else opening the package. Yes, Jaeyi had waited until Seulgi's stepmom had left the house.

Ding-dong.

Instead of running down the stairs, Jaeyi went up and raised the visor on her helmet, looking through the gaps in the railing.

Seulgi stepped out of the door, rubbing her eyes as if she'd just woken up after a long study session. After a year, you could tell her princess had matured a lot. It looked like she was eating and sleeping better, too.

Seulgi's eyes bolted open as she dug through the contents of the box.

That longing expression in Seulgi's face while holding the postcard, Jaeyi would always remember. Truly no one had ever loved Jaeyi as much as Seulgi.

Drops of snow started falling. Ah, for a moment, Jaeyi thought those were tears building up beside her eyes. Who knows? Maybe they were.

Seulgi rushed downstairs in search of any trace of Jaeyi. As much as Jaeyi wanted to stay, she had to stay hidden, so she hopped on the roof of the building and jumped across houses until she was at the corner of the block. Jaeyi slid three floors down a vent pipe and safely made it back to her motorbike.

Hitting the pedal, Jaeyi felt all her effort had been worth the risk. She couldn't stop smiling, the adrenaline racing through her blood.

The next day at noon, back in Gyeongsangbuk-do, Jaeyi kept browsing through news channels reporting the CSATs.

Finally.

Chaehwa Girls' High School.

Jaeyi swore she saw her friends Kyung and Yeri in the crowd with a banner for... There she was.

Seulgi walked towards them with the biggest grin on her face. Then the camera cut to another angle.

Damn it.

Well, that was enough. Seulgi had totally aced her exam.

The rational part of her brain told her Seulgi would probably come after the CSAT results were out in early December. On the other hand, the irrational part was impatient, anxious, and nervous.

What if Seulgi never came for her?

Because her father had a trick up his sleeve, they had to switch to Plan B. The asshole that Seulgi considers an older brother, Byeongjin, would threaten Taejoon with a knife while Seulgi steals the Killer Questions, which are inside a bunch of gelatin capsules. Unknown to Byeongjin, Jaeyi would show up, inject him with Midazolam, grab the pills, and swallow them as Seulgi tried stealing them. That way, her father would have to perform surgery on her, and Seulgi would get footage of how Taejoon gets the CSAT questions without getting caught.

Everything was going well until Seulgi changed her mind. The look she gave Jaeyi before swallowing the Killer Questions herself... It was something deeper than a crush. Unconditional love.

Jaeyi had to think fast, so she injected the anesthetic into Seulgi instead. They rushed her to the hospital, and Jaeyi did the surgery, her father challenging her the same way he tested Jaena last year. Her sister failed and was left traumatized, paying with her sanity.

Jaeyi wouldn't let Seulgi have the same fate as her dad. After all, Jaeyi was Taejoon's perfect daughter. She's been to hundreds of stomach surgeries for fun and observed every little detail. Of course, she succeeded.

Knowing Seulgi was safe and sound, Jaeyi decided to take the CSAT like she had originally planned. Getting Seulgi a scholarship now was impossible, as her princess was still under anesthesia and wouldn't wake up until after the exam. Either way, "Plan B" had been a bust.

The pills Seulgi had swallowed? Fake Killer Questions. Taejoon had been one step ahead and kept the real ones for his daughter, the reward for her first surgery. If Jaeyi had swallowed the capsules instead, Taejoon wouldn't have had to perform surgery on her, knowing she had consumed dupes.

When Seulgi showed up on the day of the score announcement with that expression of anger and betrayal, Jaeyi knew Plan C had worked. Jaeyi needed Seulgi to hate her so she wouldn't miss her when she died. That way, Jaeyi wouldn't also feel too guilty for not telling her she's alive.

After that day, Jaeyi only seemed to be skating on the Boridol Bridge. She felt attached to this place the most. The villagers have a story that, whenever they had to cross this barley rock bridge in the past, they were able to overcome difficult times. Around the rocks under the bridge, there was a lot of seaweed that the villagers could eat during the famine in the Korean War.

Two weeks after the gift delivery and the CSATs, there was still no sign of Seulgi, and Jaeyi felt like she was going crazy. She had made up a dozen scenarios in her head of why Seulgi wasn't here already.

Maybe she didn't have enough money for the bus ticket. Maybe she got lost on another island. Maybe she was just figuring out the best way to travel without alerting Jaeyi's father.

Sigh.

Jaeyi needed to clear her mind, so she climbed onto the wall fence of the bridge. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, the breeze slowly relaxing her body.

Jaeyi used to feel lonely with everyone around her. Now that she was actually alone, she felt she wasn't. Seulgi was always with her in a place, in a song, in a smell...

"Jaeyi-ah!"

It was like she could still hear her voice. Jaeyi laughed to herself. Great. At last, I have gone insane.

"Jaeyi-ah!"

"Mm?" Jaeyi turned around, giving in to her delusions. She saw a small figure running towards her and blinked. That kind of looks like... No, she must be hallucinating.

It wasn't until Seulgi was right beneath her that Jaeyi knew this was real.

Seulgi was here.

The girl occupying her thoughts all year long matched her height by jumping on top of the wall fence, Jaeyi too shocked to move.

"I'm so sorry," Seulgi pulled her in and cried on her shoulder, her whole body shaking. "I didn't understand what season your heart was going through."

"It's okay." You weren't supposed to. Jaeyi tried smiling, but it ended up being weak. "I'm doing better now. I'm sorry for worrying you and making you wait. I know you hate waiting."

Seulgi shook her head. "For you, I would've waited as long as you needed."

Their embrace lasted an eternity. It was like the whole world had stopped spinning just for them, her winter blues finally getting the warmth of the sun. Jaeyi still wasn't completely sure what love looked like, but she felt it perfectly resembled her Seulgi.

When they eventually pulled away and started walking, Seulgi couldn't keep her eyes off her, believing Jaeyi would disappear the moment she turned away.

"I'm not going anywhere." Jaeyi took Seulgi's hand in reassurance, leading her to the far end of the bridge and down some stairs towards the ocean.

Usually, this place was filled with three or five fishermen. Today wasn't much different, with only two on sight, but they always minded their own business. That's why Jaeyi enjoyed being here.

The two carefully sat on some rocks, the sun slowly setting on the horizon. Jaeyi knew she owed Seulgi a detailed explanation, especially after performing surgery on her.

Jaeyi impulsively took the hem of Seulgi's shirt and lifted it halfway, her fingers slowly tracing the middle line on Seulgi's abdomen. "It scarred... I'm so—"

"I like it." Seulgi's gaze fell, a hint of red on her cheeks and ears. To her, the scar represented the lengths Jaeyi went through to protect her. "Because you gave it to me, it made me feel closer to you while you were gone."

Jaeyi smiled smugly, all her delusions suddenly feeling justified. "You always take the best out of the worst."

"I wouldn't have survived this long if I didn't." Seulgi glanced at her new shoes. "I wouldn't be here if I thought you were a bad person."

"You're saying I'm the best, then?"

Seulgi stared at her for a long second before getting up. "I'll just take my leave now."

Jaeyi quickly grabbed her wrist, giving her a serious look. "Don't."

"I was just kidding."

"Ah, right..." Jaeyi stood up as well, not letting go of Seulgi. "It's getting dark. Let's go."

"Oh, okay..."

As they walked out into the Janggilli Complex Fishing Park, Seulgi kept glancing at her surroundings.

"Do you remember a lot from here?"

Seulgi nodded. "After crying for help for hours, I realized no one was coming for me. I mustered up courage and wandered off. It took a while before I found someone to help me."

Jaeyi already pictured this in her head a million times: 4-year-old Seulgi playing by herself and suddenly realizing everyone had left her. Jaeyi curses her parents for not putting her in the same kindergarten as Seulgi. Even as a child, Jaeyi would've noticed her and stopped her from being forgotten. Oh, how I wish I could've met you earlier.

"Those memories don't seem too painful lately," Seulgi continued. "I had a dream during the health checkup last year."

"Mm? What did you dream about?"

"I was back here in Pohang, in Guryongpo Beach. My parents and teachers were searching for me. I was crying and screaming right in front of them, but no one could hear me. Then..." Seulgi gulped. "...you showed up and took me to safety."

So we were thinking the same thing, huh? Jaeyi smirked. "I would."

"I know."

"But do you know the reason I chose this place?"

Seulgi shook her head, stopping in her tracks.

Jaeyi faced her, grinning widely. "I also wanted to feel closer to you."

Before Seulgi knew what she was doing, she pressed her lips against Jaeyi's, her heart pounding so hard it might pop out of her chest. Seulgi didn't know what came over her. Well, actually, she did. It was Yoo Jaeyi's genuine smile.

Jaeyi kept her eyes open out of shock. She'd never admit she secretly wanted to see how much Seulgi enjoyed kissing her.

Seulgi pulled away after a few beats, hoping she hadn't fucked up.

Jaeyi's eyes dropped to Seulgi's lips. She had been dreaming of this moment ever since the school festival. Seulgi's move had been bold and it made Jaeyi thirsty for more.

She carefully grabbed the nape of Seulgi's neck and brought her closer in response to her feelings. This time, the kiss was deeper and more aggressive, Jaeyi biting Seulgi's upper lip to let her tongue in.

Out of breath, almost to the point of losing her mind, Seulgi reminded herself they were in public. She wasn't ashamed or anything of the sort; she just didn't want to draw attention to Jaeyi. Luckily for them, the night had arrived, and most people were already indoors as today was a weekday.

"Look up!" Seulgi pointed at the sky.

Dumbfounded, Jaeyi did as she was told.

Ah…

Because it was the very end of autumn, the clouds had cleared just one last time, making the moon and the stars come out of hiding.

"They're impossible to see in Seoul, with the light pollution and everything. I've really missed it..."

Jaeyi blinked. It was indeed a wonderful sight, but right now she couldn't care less if there was a flying unicorn in front of them—her mind stuck elsewhere. "You know, you really have ADHD."

It was Seulgi's turn to grin. "Yup."

Jaeyi smiled back, taking her hand once more. "Let's see the stars from my house."

Fifteen minutes later, they reached Jaeyi's apartment. Apparently, she lived on the third and last floor of the building. Going up the stairs, Seulgi realized it was a rooftop house. Those rustic ones, full of plants, that you only see in dramas. Jaeyi's, though, had a beautiful and wide view of the ocean.

"How... can you afford all this?"

"Selling drugs to bad kids," Jaeyi whispered through her smirk, poking Seulgi's nose. "And vitamins to good ones."

Seulgi pouted, sitting down on Jaeyi's swing bench. She forgot to take her backpack off, so she was in an awkward position.

Noticing her discomfort, Jaeyi spoke up, "Just give it to me."

Her princess complied, and Jaeyi unlocked her door, putting down the bag and skateboard in her hands. She grabbed two cans of beer from the fridge and went back outside to Seulgi, opening a can for her.

Seulgi looked up due to the sizzling sound and accepted the drink. "Thanks."

Jaeyi sat beside her, Seulgi admiring nature, and Jaeyi admiring her for God knows how long. Oh, how she missed that childish glow in those eyes.

Unexpectedly, it was Seulgi who broke the comfortable silence. "Before meeting you, I didn't know I could have dreams. Being first was not a goal but survival. I didn't think I could have more..." Seulgi took the last sip of beer. "Now my foggy future has become clearer." Pause. "I want to study overseas."

Jaeyi's chest tightened, time stopping again. "Oh."

"The only way you won't get caught while being with me is by leaving the country," Seulgi explained, sitting up to face Jaeyi properly. "I know I'm selfish, but I want you to be in my life."

"I am."

"I want to see you every day."

"You will."

"I want you to kiss me right now."

"Yes, princess." Jaeyi leaned in, connecting their lips more determined than ever. Seulgi now tasted bitter, but the good kind. Lord, Jaeyi felt like a kid again.

Seulgi's selfishness in wanting Jaeyi to live when she desperately didn't was the whole reason she was still here. Jaeyi needed to show Seulgi how grateful she was. Otherwise, she would've died not knowing what this bliss felt like.

Jaeyi didn't know when her tongue slipped in Seulgi's mouth or when her body practically straddled her princess', but it seemed like everything and nothing was going through her mind.

"Jaeyi-ah—" Kiss. "Let's—" Kiss. "—take a—" Kiss. "—break."

Jaeyi moved back, her lips now smudged red. "Alright."

Seulgi heaved, "Seriously, how do you not run out of breath?"

"Swimming." Jaeyi offered an innocent grin. "I can teach you tomorrow."

Her princess nodded. "I didn't bring a swimsuit, though."

"You can borrow one of mine."

"I just felt a strange sense of déjà vu."

Jaeyi chuckled, hugging her. "My Seulgi fits perfectly in my arms~"

"Ha-ha," Seulgi sulked.

Jaeyi squeezed her one more time. "We should head inside, it's getting chilly."

The two stood up and threw away the empty cans in the recycle bin. When they entered, Jaeyi gave Seulgi a short house tour. It wasn't short because she wanted it to be but because there wasn't much to see.

The living room was shared with the kitchen, the only furniture being a secondhand couch and a circular dining table for two. The restroom was the size of a cleaning supply closet, so the most exciting thing about it was a shiny soap dispenser Jaeyi thrifted in the local market.

Now, the bedroom was the biggest space in the house. Jaeyi actually put effort into decorating it to keep her sanity. She let the blue walls remain in the past and left them white; it was totally not because her landlord would kick her out if she painted anything. There was a small green sofa by the window where Jaeyi usually played violin, usually with a rubber mute to not bother neighbors. She didn't want anyone knocking on her door and possibly recognizing her.

"Do you need pajamas?" Jaeyi asked, looking at Seulgi rummaging through her backpack.

Seulgi shook her head, taking the clothes out.

Jaeyi got some fresh towels from the clean laundry pile and turned to her guest. "Do you wanna bathe together?"

Seulgi blinked intensely. "Uh?"

"I'm joking, I only have a shower." Jaeyi started chuckling, but then noticed the way Seulgi was avoiding her gaze, completely flushed. Jaeyi stepped in front of her and whispered in her ear, "Wanna shower together?"

With widened eyes, Seulgi snatched the towels from her hands and locked herself in the bathroom.

Jaeyi burst out laughing.

Seulgi was already tucked in bed when Jaeyi came out of the shower. Her back was facing the restroom door, so Jaeyi couldn't see her face.

"Are you awake, Seulgi-ah? Did you dry your hair?"

"Mhm," she hummed in a low tone.

Jaeyi laid down next to her, giving a single kiss to Seulgi's exposed shoulder and resting her head there afterwards. Seulgi really did fit perfectly in her arms.

"So... does this mean we're together now?" Seulgi shyly asked.

"I don't make out with just anyone." Anymore. Jaeyi ran her fingers through Seulgi's. "Do you?"

"You're my first..."

Jaeyi rose. "Wait, really!?"

"Why would I lie about that?" Seulgi mumbled, hiding her face under the blanket.

"I don't know, you kiss well and you're pretty..." Jaeyi felt proud all of a sudden, struggling to hide a smirk. "Pretty mean."

Seulgi muffled her giggles. "I don't wanna hear that from you."

Jaeyi scoffed, ready to change the topic with her cold shower thoughts. "So... where do you want to travel?"

"I did some research. Europe has the best asylum programs for people escaping situations like yours." Seulgi turned around, their eyes meeting. "You could live freely again."

"That's not what I asked."

"Coming here to see you, I realized that what matters is not the place but who you're with." Seulgi smiled. "But if you insist, Germany has the best hospitals in the world. I could transfer..."

As she kept rambling, Jaeyi couldn't believe this girl wanted a future together. Just last year, she didn't even think she'd be alive past 18, yet here she was—almost 20. Jaeyi felt lucky to be loved so selfishly.

Jaeyi kissed Seulgi mid-sentence.

Her princess had that cute deer in headlights expression of hers, taken aback. "What was that for?"

"Just because." Jaeyi smirked, but then decided to be more realistic. "Germany does have free education and health care, but we'd need to learn medical German."

"I think you are forgetting we were the top students."

"I definitely am not. It'll be a piece of cake." Just the mere thought of their names next to each other brought butterflies to her stomach. "I want to do something first, though, before we leave."

Seulgi glanced at her expectantly.

"My plan wasn't fully successful," Jaeyi started, disappointment in her voice. "Taejoon is still out there, free despite his crimes."

Her princess gave her a knowing look. "You want to take him down?"

Jaeyi nodded. "There's a way, but I can't do it without you."

"What way?"

"Making Jaena remember what happened in that operating room, have her confess." She absolutely knew she sounded crazy. But if her father could alter memories, then that meant he was the most dangerous man in the world. While Jaeyi didn't care about others, she knew she was the only one that could win against him. "Yeri has photos of Jaena's diary, and the police have the fake suicide note. We can prove that's her handwriting and that the pictures weren't tampered with forensics. I also have a copy of Jaeyoon's videos, there's one where Jaena tells me that our father killed Mr. W—That he committed murder. "

"How can we make her remember, though?" Seulgi asked, not making a big deal out of her dad's death. "We're not even sure what he did to her. After the rescue team found her, doctors did some brain scans. It definitely showed signs of amnesia, but it couldn't be evidenced that your father caused it. There were no signs of surgery."

"I think he did RMT, Recovered-Memory Therapy. It was used back in the 80s and 90s to recall traumatic experiences, but there was a big controversy." Jaeyi laid on her back and stared at the ceiling. "Some therapists would use methods like hypnosis to insert false memories into their patients, like making them believe they were part of a cult."

"That's... insane."

"I wouldn't be surprised if that man did that to Jaena." Jaeyi glanced at Seulgi. "Have you talked to her?"

"Not directly." Seulgi bit her lip, as if trying to remember something. "Your mom issued a restraining order against your father and took full custody of Jaena as she is recovering. Kyung and Yeri visited her at the hospital, and they said Jaena didn't remember ever taking the entrance exam."

"That bastard..." Jaeyi cursed under her breath. Everything crucial was past that point. "I've been investigating RMT all this time. Obviously, I don't have proper equipment... Hunting rats sounds fun in theory, but it's such a hassle."

"Wait, you hunted rats?"

"That's how they did it back in the day."

"Jaeyi-ah." Seulgi shot straight up. "Please tell me there are no rats in your house."

She stayed quiet for a moment too long.

"Jaeyi."

She giggled. "Of course not."

"Good." Seulgi wiggled her head, trying to shake off the image of rodents roaming on the floor. "So... did your research lead somewhere?"

"Kind of." Jaeyi yawned. "But let's talk about it later. Just thinking about it makes me tired."

"Sure." Seulgi turned off the light and closed her eyes. "Good night, Jaeyi-ah."

She kissed her cheek. "Sweet dreams, princess."

Jaeyi gazed at Seulgi quickly drifting away, her breath becoming steady. Jaeyi could still remember all the details of their first sleepover.

Naturally, Jaeyi had waited for Seulgi to fall asleep first. It was hard for her to trust that no one would hurt her when she was most vulnerable, when she was unconscious. So Jaeyi studied every inch of Seulgi. From the tiny mole at the side of her nose to the outline of her collarbones. Surprisingly, after a decade of insomnia, Jaeyi had found sleep easily, falling into a deep slumber.

Tonight, she got an even better look with the moonlight hitting her features. Jaeyi placed a soft kiss on Seulgi's burn mark on her upper chest and then snuggled up to her when the heaviness in her eyes became too much, Jaeyi's right arm finding its way around Seulgi's torso.

Her princess turned towards the warm touch and unconsciously got closer, resting her head on Jaeyi's left arm, which was bent on the pillow.

This was the best sleep Jaeyi ever had.

The cries of seagulls passing by and the sound of waves in the distance indicated that Jaeyi was still breathing. Still alive. The light behind her eyelids was dim, indicating the sun hadn't fully risen yet. There was something unusual, though; she felt strange, soft motions on her back.

Jaeyi opened her eyes slowly, only to find brown ones looking back at hers. Seulgi.

Right, Jaeyi hadn't dreamed everything that had happened yesterday. Seulgi was right here, and Jaeyi was just waking up to her massaging her back. "Princess..."

"Rise and shine, Jaeyi-ah," Seulgi greeted in a raspy voice.

"I was right," Jaeyi smirked to herself. "You are also beautiful first thing in the morning."

"And you drool in your sleep."

Jaeyi quickly brought her hand up to her lips, but they were dry.

Seulgi giggled. "Gotcha."

Jaeyi lifted herself in a swift movement, hovering over Seulgi and pinning her arms on top of her head.

Seulgi's breathing hitched under her, making Jaeyi lean down and peck her chin.

"Gotcha," she whispered in her ear, wearing a smug smile.

Jaeyi let go of her arms as she moved back, still straddling her.

Seulgi sat up after catching her breath and pressed her lips against Jaeyi's. Her princess might be sober now, but she definitely kissed Jaeyi like a drug.

She could never ask for anything more. She wanted to be the only person running through Seulgi's mind.

"We should probably have breakfast," her princess suggested after Jaeyi's stomach growled.

Jaeyi pouted. "Your kisses fill me up."

Seulgi lightly flicked Jaeyi's forehead and got up, walking towards the kitchen. She spotted a rice package on the counter and started preparing it until she felt a pair of arms around her waist.

"I'll do the kimchi," Jaeyi offered, kissing her cheek.

Her princess blushed, only nodding her head. Seulgi checked the fridge and thankfully found seaweed, with the thought of making Miyeokguk.

Never in Jaeyi's wildest dreams had she imagined cooking breakfast with Seulgi, the corners of her mouth lifting up stupidly.

"You can plate the rice and kimchi now. I'm almost done," Seulgi informed.

Jaeyi did as she was ordered and took the plates to her small dining table outside. She decided the weather was nice enough to eat on the patio and sat down, enjoying the breeze.

She didn't hear Seulgi come in with seaweed soup until her princess began singing, "Saengil chukahamnida, saengil chukahamnida~"

Last year, her birthday was a week before the CSAT score announcement. Back then, Seulgi had been mad at Jaeyi and only discovered that it was her birthday through an Instagram story Yeri made wishing her the best.

Jaeyi hadn't celebrated that day at all. She told her dad she was gonna hang out with Kyung and Yeri, but ended up setting up her backpack at the docks and buying everything she would need to keep Jaena safe.

When Jaeyi went missing, Seulgi regretted not even texting her happy birthday and made it a mission to spend the next one with her if she ever came back.

"Saranghaneun Jaeyi-ah, saengil chukahamnida~" Seulgi grinned, placing down the bowls on the table.

Wow, that's the voice of the girl I fell in love with...

Jaeyi felt so touched. She'd stopped counting down the days the moment she faked her death, so she had no idea what date today even was.

"Thank you." Jaeyi stood up and hugged her. "I missed hearing you sing."

Seulgi blushed. "It's just the birthday song."

"It was the best birthday performance I've ever been given." Jaeyi leaned back, still holding her waist. "Thank you, really."

Seulgi looked down sheepishly. "Let's eat before your stomach eats itself."

"Yes, princess." Jaeyi sat down and blew her spoonful of warm soup.

Even while munching on everything they prepared, her smile wouldn't fade, which was very distracting for Seulgi. Every bite and swallow seemed to take hours when the girl she fell in love with had the morning sun on her features.

As if used to the attention, Jaeyi just smirked and didn't tease her girlfriend. After all, she had already made her day.

Two full bellies later, Jaeyi helped Seulgi pick one of her swimsuits. Her princess thought Jaeyi was exaggerating when she said she had a dozen options, but Jaeyi had been dead serious. I mean, she lived by the ocean. They were a must.

Seulgi ended up going for a white tankini with yellow flowers, while Jaeyi just wore her favorite blue swimming dress with big sunglasses to hide her identity.

Jaeyi decided it would be best to teach Seulgi in a swimming pool, so she took her to a hotel where you could pay to only use their pool without booking a room. It was a very public place, but it thankfully wasn't crowded since the best-weather season was ending soon.

The smell of chlorine brought back a lot of angsty memories, but Jaeyi had healed a great amount of pieces of her heart since then. Still, she preferred the ocean.

As Seulgi entered the water, she resembled a scaredy cat; each step more careful than the previous.

Jaeyi quickly caught up and grabbed her hands. "You'll be okay, I'm here."

Seulgi nodded, still nervous.

"So first we're gonna learn how to float."

Seulgi picked things up very quickly, just like in class. The more Jaeyi instructed, the more she realized Seulgi wasn't scared of water; she was just afraid of getting lost, always looking for Jaeyi when she resurfaced.

"So..." Jaeyi smiled innocently. "Scuba diving next?"

"I'm tired and hungry," Seulgi whined with a deadpan face. Learning years of swimming in 3 hours was reasonably intense, but her girlfriend hadn't seemed to figure that out yet. Ah, the thought of Jaeyi being her girlfriend was already helping her regain energy. "Let's have lunch."

"Grilled meat and Pepsi?"

"Perfect."

After eating out, they walked hand-in-hand through the streets of Pohang. Seulgi kept looking around, probably just getting familiar with this area. Jaeyi still couldn't believe her princess was here. She had to constantly resist the urge to pinch herself to verify this wasn't just another dream.

Seulgi suddenly pointed at a bakery. "Let's go there!" she exclaimed, dragging her girlfriend without question.

The smell of fresh bread and pastries hit them as soon as the door opened. "Wow..." Seulgi ran straight to the cake section, letting go of her hand.

Jaeyi missed the warmth immediately, so she caught up to her and looked at the different desserts. She hadn't known her princess had a sweet tooth.

"What flavors do you like?"

Oh, right, it's my birthday. "Um... Fruity, I guess." Jaeyi realized how blunt and funny that sounded when Seulgi raised an eyebrow at her. "My father would never let me eat things with too much sugar, so I'm not sure what would be good to try."

Seulgi processed this new information. While Seulgi hadn't eaten a lot of birthday cakes herself, she wanted to give Jaeyi the experiences they had both missed out on. "Do you like cherries?"

Jaeyi nodded, now curious about her princess' choice.

"One Black Forest cake, please," Seulgi ordered and then smiled at her girlfriend.

The shopkeeper nodded. "Do you want candles and a personalized message?"

"No—" Jaeyi started saying, but Seulgi spoke over her.

"Yes, the 2 and 0 candles, and the message..." Seulgi trailed off. "Can I write it myself?"

"Oh, yes, sure. Here..." The shopkeeper was taken aback by the heartfelt request. He brought the wafer disc and the chocolate piping bag for the girl to inscribe, Seulgi's back not letting Jaeyi see.

With the cake now in a to-go box, her princess turned around and grinned at Jaeyi. "Now we're ready to head back."

Jaeyi chuckled and kissed her girlfriend's forehead, her arm going around her waist as they exited the bakery.

Her house was just a few minutes away. Seulgi set the box on the table and then started looking around. "Do you have a match?"

Jaeyi pulled a lighter out of her purse. While she didn't need to do "bad things" to repent at church anymore, she had understood why people constantly smoked. Those seconds of nicotine dopamine were precious, but they had never been enough to calm Jaeyi's suffering.

Right now, she has a complicated relationship with religion. She hasn't been to church ever since she faked her death. There's a belief that if you commit suicide, you can't go to heaven anymore. Needless to say, Jaeyi hadn't gone through with it, but the person she was—or at least pretended to be—had died that night.

Not hearing from God every week was a scary thought at first, but she wasn't sinning. She had stopped self-destructing and sought ways to improve her mental health, so she didn't have anything to talk to God about.

She even started questioning her beliefs now that they weren't forced down her throat. She had never doubted before, but the cruelty of the world was too much to not be dealt with. Why does God reward and punish only when we're dead? Why was her father free as long as he prayed before committing crimes?

If a scientist were to create a time machine, then they'd hold the power of time, and to control time is to control the world. If Jaeyi's father could really remove and alter people's memories, then she refused to let that man call himself a God.

Seulgi grabbed Jaeyi's lighter and opened the cake box, the candles now burning red in the dark room.

Snapping out of her thoughts, Jaeyi walked up to her girlfriend. Seulgi started singing the birthday song again and clapped her hands enthusiastically.

Jaeyi took a look at the gorgeous cake her Seulgi had selected just for her. Then it hit her. Seulgi's message.

Thank you for being alive.

When Seulgi finished singing, she expectantly waited for Jaeyi to blow out the candles, but she just kept staring at the cake. Did I fuck up? Does she think it's cheap? Is she only used to five-tier cakes and can't look at it?

Then Jaeyi started bawling her eyes out for the first time in forever. The cries from being pulled out of her mother's womb, the guilt from hitting her sister, the fear of her father and his grip against her throat... Everything was coming out at once. She imagined this is how the clouds felt while crying out a storm.

Seulgi pulled her in and hugged her tightly. "It's been hard, hasn't it?" She patted her back. "Let it all out now, you're safe."

Jaeyi kept sobbing into the crook of her neck. When she eventually calmed down, she felt another emotion for the first time: Embarrassment. She'd always thought people looked ugly when they cried and would often laugh in their faces. Her repressed pain was mocking her now, saying karma is a bitch.

Yes, she knew Seulgi wouldn't judge her, but it had been a while since Jaeyi had cried. She remembers that the first time was after hitting her sister and the last was in church, when she feared God wouldn't forgive her for sinning. Back then, everyone was too absorbed in their own sins to care about what Jaeyi was feeling, so...

What do you do after crying?

Seulgi tried pulling away when she noticed Jaeyi's sobbing had stopped, but her girlfriend wasn't letting her go yet.

When she was ready a few minutes later, Jaeyi tried blowing her birthday candles, but the attempt was so weak and pathetic that the flame barely moved.

...Let's try that again.

With a final blow of the candle, Jaeyi felt like today she'd been reborn.

Seulgi cut two perfect slices of cake and served them on small blue and yellow plates. Expectantly, she looked at her girlfriend tasting the black forest cake for the first time.

Jaeyi's eyes widened. "This is really good."

Seulgi smiled satisfactorily. "I'm glad you like it."

"This is now my favorite flavor," Jaeyi said as she took another bite. "Well, it's the only proper cake I've ever had, but still."

"It just means I need to get you more." Seulgi contemplated for a moment, realizing that it might be an expensive promise. "I'll learn how to bake for you."

Jaeyi stared at her dumbfoundedly. The sentiment, the care, the love... Being taken care of in a non-manipulative way was definitely something she could get used to. All Jaeyi could manage to do was just kiss Seulgi.

As they pulled apart, her girlfriend chuckled. "You like cake that much?"

"I like you that much." Jaeyi slipped some whipped cream onto her index finger and placed it on the side of Seulgi's lips.

Before her girlfriend was able to react with her doe-eyed expression, Jaeyi kissed the cream off right away. "H-hey..."

"Yeah?" Jaeyi mumbled as she kept leaving little pecks all over her princess' face.

"I didn't expect you to be this clingy."

"You see..." Jaeyi pulled away, pupils dilated. "Once I have my eyes set on something, I never let go."

Seulgi looked back with as much intensity, gulping.

"Don't you like it?" her girlfriend whispered.

Seulgi nodded. "It's like a dream come true. I'm just not used to all this physical affection yet."

Right, this was her princess' first relationship. I guess you could say it was Jaeyi's too, breaking up with her toys as soon as she got bored. Jaeyi should probably take it slow as well, never having been in a relationship where she was actually in love until now. "I'll try to give you more space until you are ready to kiss me yourself."

Maybe Jaeyi had been trying to show her love in the ways others had tried giving it to her. A bit desperate and rushed, but Jaeyi kind of understood them now. She had yearned for Seulgi for such a long time that all her emotions were coming out at once. Being so out of control, that wasn't like her. Jaeyi decided to embrace it though, as it was something her father would hate.

What would be another way to show her love for Seulgi?

Jaeyi impulsively ran to her bedroom and brought back her violin. "As a way to thank you for the delicious cake, I'll play a song for you. Any requests?"

Seulgi shook her head and smiled happily. "Just anything that makes you feel like yourself."

Jaeyi contemplated for a moment and instinctively began playing the notes of "Sandy" by Echae Kang.

"I was just born here, Galapagos

Basking in the sun

Crawling out of my shell, bye-bye

I might not make it to the water

But I don't mind"

The dramatic string arrangement against Echae's soft vocals was exactly Jaeyi's cup of tea. She wondered if Seulgi knew this song, as she would love to hear her sing it.

"I wasn't born with fear, I'm all-in to run

Greeting crosswind

Calling out to new home, hi-hi

I might be the tiniest black sea turtle

But I don't mind"

Jaeyi felt like this piece perfectly described her journey. Starting over from the bottom was definitely challenging at first, but that had been her endgame. To shed one's old skin meant that you were growing and getting stronger, just like a snake. Violin was now a part of her body, the need to turn into someone else decreasing. Jaeyi was free now, and she worked hard every day to unlearn the way she was raised to become her own person.

She didn't even realize she had finished playing the song until she heard Seulgi's clapping.

"Jaeyi-ah, that was beautiful!"

She put the violin down, trying to hide her flushed smirk. It was the first time Jaeyi performed in front of someone after more than a decade. It obviously had to be her princess. "Thanks..."

Seulgi slightly bit her lip. "I don't know that much about violin, but I felt your emotions in your sound. You were really enjoying it, weren't you?"

Now that was new. Jaeyi usually replicated what she heard in classical pieces, and it'd work in professional competitions, but that'd just been acting for her. Now Jaeyi was beginning to understand why Jaena preferred playing songs not meant for trophies.

Jaeyi chuckled awkwardly, caught red-handed. "I guess I was."

The next morning came way too quickly for her liking. Last night, soon after the performance, the two felt exhausted from swimming and walking around town. Well, it was mostly her princess yawning every 5 seconds and Jaeyi giving in to the warmth of her embrace. As they laid together in bed, she didn't want to let go.

"Do you really have to leave today?" Jaeyi pouted, hugging her tightly.

"Unfortunately..." Seulgi sighed. "If I stay longer, it might seem too suspicious. I even left my cellphone with Kyung so that I wouldn't be traced here, so my stepmom might worry if I don't give her an update soon."

"Where did you tell her you'd be?"

"A celebratory getaway for completing the CSATs with Kyung and Yeri." Her princess giggled. "Kyung was refusing to lie, but then Yeri dragged her to her hometown."

Jaeyi raised an eyebrow.

"Ah, they don't know about you. I told them I wanted to visit the orphanage where I grew up to catch up with my friends, and I didn't want to upset my stepmom." Seulgi caressed her girlfriend's face. "I don't think they believed me, but who cares? As long as you're safe..."

"Sorry for the trouble." Jaeyi leaned into her touch. "Do you want me to edit you into their vacation pictures so it's more believable?"

Seulgi laughed. "Don't worry, I'll quickly meet them in Busan before returning to Seoul, since it's close. I can just tell my stepmom that I don't like pictures and I took all of theirs."

"Mm..." Jaeyi realized something. "You know, I have a camera. What if I shoot pictures of you at the beach? You can just take a copy home."

"Only if I can take photos of you too." Seulgi blushed. "Though I wouldn't be able to have them, I'd love to see them when we meet again."

Jaeyi shook her princess' hand. "You got yourself a deal."

Seulgi thought they would just leave, take photos for 15 minutes, and come back... but no. Jaeyi picked a black cutout swimsuit for Seulgi to wear, saying that it was too small for her and was planning to give it away anyway. For some reason, Seulgi didn't believe her, as if Jaeyi had specifically bought this for her. Of course, her girlfriend was right, but Jaeyi would never admit it out loud.

As they walked onto the beach, Seulgi felt too exposed. There weren't that many people in this spot, but the ones they passed were definitely checking her out. Not being the center of attention for once felt refreshing to Jaeyi, but she also didn't like others looking at her Seulgi, so she put her oversized white blouse on her girlfriend's shoulders.

"So what do I do?" Seulgi asked timidly once they were near the ocean.

Jaeyi took out some props from her backpack, putting a blue cloth over the sand and a basket full of colorful fruits on top. She even brought books for decoration. Yes, Jaeyi was going all out. "Sit here and look at the horizon, as if you didn't know I was here."

Seulgi nodded and did as she was told. She felt quite warm under the noon sun though, so she lowered Jaeyi's blouse and revealed her back.

When Jaeyi leveled her eye with the viewfinder and focused on Seulgi, she almost had a heart attack. My girlfriend is too hot. If this was an anime, Jaeyi's nose would've shot up with blood into space. Thankfully, this wasn't a cartoon, but her legs still felt weak.

Seulgi heard the shutter opening and closing multiple times, but tried not to get distracted by the sound. She found some grapes in the fruit basket and raised them up, eating the one at the bottom.

Jaeyi wanted to scream. How is this woman hers? She's a complete natural, and she doesn't even realize it.

"Okay, enough for now," Seulgi's voice brought her out of a trance. "Come be with me."

"Yes, princess." Jaeyi happily jumped right next to her, and Seulgi fed her a grape.

If only they could stay here forever...

She suddenly positioned the camera at the edge of the cloth and used a book to point it up towards them. "I set up a timer to take a bunch of photos, so just act natural."

Seulgi gave her another grape, and Jaeyi grinned after chewing. That genuine smile, Seulgi couldn't resist it anymore. Just like the first time, she leaned in and kissed her girlfriend.

Jaeyi smirked, feeling whole again. 14 hours and 48 minutes of not kissing had felt like another year. She had to restrain herself to let her Seulgi breathe though, so she pulled away shortly but left their foreheads touching.

Seulgi's cheeks were bright red, and it wasn't because of the heat. How was she gonna leave her Jaeyi today? They had kissed a second ago, and she already missed her lips. "Jaeyi-ah..."

"Mm?" She scanned Seulgi's expression, sensing a tremble in her voice. "Are you cold? Thirsty? Do you need me to beat someone up?"

Seulgi scoffed and shook her head, gazing longingly at Jaeyi. "I love you."

Jaeyi blinked once. Maybe twice. Okay, several times. She understood the words Seulgi had said—it wasn't news to her that Seulgi loved her, Jaeyi wasn't that oblivious—but it was the first time Jaeyi heard those three words and felt their heaviness.

She began panicking internally, so she tried thinking of ways to calm herself down. It turns out hugging her Seulgi was the only answer.

Once her heartbeat was more stable, Jaeyi managed to pull away and say, "I love you too." She cupped her cheeks. "I'm so scared of hurting you again, and I can't promise I won't, but I'll do my best to make you feel how you make me feel. Happy."

Seulgi smiled. "That's all I need."

Jaeyi pecked her lips with a smile, wondering which angel she had helped in her past life to be so lucky to meet one again.

Her princess stood up, offering her hand. "Let's go swim."

The fact that Seulgi wanted to do her favorite thing in the world made Jaeyi so ecstatic. She quickly put her camera back in her bag and took Seulgi's hand.

They played in the water for God knows how long, splashing each other or just floating on their backs seemed to be the most fun in the world.

It's crazy to think that only last year Jaeyi had to sin and hurt others just for a cheap thrill, and now doing something as simple as being on the beach could fulfill her.

Still, she didn't want Seulgi to leave.

But making her stay also meant throwing away all their hard work.

So when Seulgi gave her that pout that screamed, "I'm sorry, but it's time," Jaeyi didn't argue and followed her back home.

They showered and got dressed. Jaeyi dreaded seeing Seulgi packing her things, so she busied herself by sending the photos from her camera to Seulgi.

Maybe it was the uncertainty that was making her heart crack.

Jaeyi didn't know when she would see Seulgi again.

Seulgi will surely start college soon and won't be able to transfer overseas until at least another year. Jaeyi trusted her princess would meet all the needed requirements for the move, considering Seulgi would definitely get a scholarship and keep up her good grades.

Jaeyi knew that it would be hard for them to meet while Seulgi was studying. Sure, she would bury herself in her RMT research and German lessons, but could she really wait this long again?

As she looked at Seulgi's focused expression, folding clothes on her bed, Jaeyi knew she could.

During the four-hour ride to the Pohang Intercity Bus Terminal, Jaeyi learned a whole lot more about what Seulgi was up to besides school. She became closer to her stepmom, Kwon Heeyoon, to the point Seulgi was calling her mom. It felt weird for both of them; Seulgi being the daughter she never had, and Mrs. Kwon the mother Seulgi had needed all her life.

Seulgi had fully cut ties with everyone from her past when Byeongjin disappeared after scamming all the parents with fake Killer Questions.

Meanwhile, Kyung kept up with Seulgi after finishing school, and they even had occasional dinners together after their separate study sessions. Seulgi really liked going to her house because she got to see Jaeyoon, a piece of Jaeyi's heart left behind. Jaeyi got excited when Seulgi showed her dozens of pictures of her handsome boy.

On the other hand, Yeri felt guilty for a lot of the things she did to Seulgi, but she's slowly loosening up. Seulgi didn't hold anything against Yeri; she had once lost everything herself and she couldn't blame Yeri for trying to grasp onto any chance of hope.

"I think they like each other, but they're too dumb to realize it," Seulgi commented.

"No doubt," Jaeyi scoffed, seeing some hints before she left.

"Yeri hasn't dated anyone since she finished school, and even as a model, she has been her most humble."

Jaeyi raised an eyebrow. "Yeri? Humble?"

"I still don't believe it myself, but it's nice." Seulgi interlaced her fingers together. "I think your 'death' impacted her quite a bit… That or customer service."

"Definitely customer service. I'm not taking credit for her character development."

They both laughed, their heads then resting against each other.

The rest of the ride was spent cherishing these past days together. Their first kiss, their swimming shenanigans, a delicious cake, and an unforgettable birthday.

God, Jaeyi hated how quickly four hours flashed by.

They exited the bus holding hands, refusing to spend a second apart. At the station, they found the arrival time of Seulgi's bus on the screen. Meaning, all the time they had left.

"Here." Jaeyi pulled out an old school phone and gave it to her girlfriend. "It has the number of my burner."

"Are you sure?" Seulgi asked, afraid of Jaeyi's security.

Jaeyi nodded. "Just don't take it outside your house. Keep it well-hidden, okay?"

"I promise."

"Good girl." Jaeyi squeezed her hand. "Don't call me by my name when we speak, just in case."

"What should I call you?" Seulgi asked with doe eyes, as if calling Jaeyi anything but her name was sacrilege.

"I'll let you make that choice, princess." Jaeyi winked and then glanced back at the big clock in the terminal, her strong front slowly breaking.

Noticing the sudden shift in her girlfriend's expression, Seulgi hugged her. "I'm gonna miss you so much."

"Me too…" Jaeyi rested her head on hers. "More than you know."

"The Pohang-Busan Intercity Bus has arrived at Terminal 13…" the announcer spoke through the speakers.

Seulgi gave Jaeyi one last squeeze before kissing her. "I love you."

Jaeyi felt like her eyes were itching, but she held back whatever that feeling was. "I love you too."

"This is not a goodbye," Seulgi reassured after hearing the crack in her girlfriend's voice, cupping her cheeks. "Until we meet again."

Jaeyi nodded. "Until we meet again."

Seulgi kissed her one last time, not wanting to forget the taste of her lips or the feeling of Jaeyi's skin against her own. It was short, but it could've lasted an eternity for all they knew.

The couple couldn't prolong Seulgi leaving any longer, so she stepped back and awkwardly waved her hand, offering a wide smile. This is how she wants Jaeyi to remember her.

Jaeyi just chuckled, waving back nonchalantly.

Seulgi could finally get up on the bus after watching her girlfriend laugh. Of course, she was sad, but the burner phone in her pocket alleviated many of her anxieties. Seulgi knew she would be able to hear that beautiful laugh again.

Jaeyi waited for the bus to go for any chance of catching her princess one last second. Through the window, Seulgi happily waved at Jaeyi again, blowing her multiple kisses until she was out of sight.

Until we meet again.

The summer had finally arrived after arduous months of just studying in college. It felt different than high school in many ways. Seulgi started anew with a clean slate. She was no longer the poor girl from the orphanage, but the top-ranking student of last year's CSATs. Her new collarbone tattoo also got a lot of compliments, covering her cigarette burn mark.

Seulgi also started giving private tutoring to students from prestigious high schools, so you could say she was earning a great amount of money. The best of all, legally.

"Are you ready to begin?" the scuba instructor asked, snapping her out of her sea of thoughts.

"Uh…"

"I'm here!" a voice yelled in the distance, its owner running towards them in full diving gear.

"You're late."

The person removed her snorkeling mask. "Fashionably."

Seulgi hugged her Jaeyi in a heartbeat, her girlfriend picking her up and spinning her around instinctively.

Eight months might as well have been eight years. Keeping herself occupied had definitely helped with the distance, but every time she heard Jaeyi's voice on the phone before going to bed, she had to stop herself from taking the first bus to Pohang the next morning.

"I'll… bring the oxygen tanks," the scuba instructor excused himself, noticing the reunion.

Seulgi kissed her passionately, impulsive as always. "I've missed you so much."

"I've imagined this moment many times, when I get to see you again…" Jaeyi opened her eyes and gazed. "Nothing compares to the real thing."

Her princess bumped her shoulder. "Shut up…"

The scuba instructor returned shortly after. While Jaeyi already had a certification under her new identity, Seulgi needed to get familiar with the equipment before trying it for real.

Jaeyi tagged along during the lessons and aided her girlfriend when necessary, but Seulgi was a fast learner. She caught the ropes in no time in the swimming pool. Now they could finally go diving together in the ocean.

Of course, Jaeyi went all out and rented a specialist diving boat. Yes, she had a certificate for that too. In her defense, it was recommended for beginners.

She parked the boat at a recommended spot by the instructor and finished setting up. "Are you ready, princess?"

Seulgi nodded, flashing her a smile before putting on her mask.

Jaeyi grabbed her hand and led her to the edge of the diving boat. As she wouldn't be able to speak properly moving forward, she signaled Seulgi to jump in 3… 2… 1…

Splash.

The two shared a knowing look before diving further down. The ocean was so clear that Seulgi couldn't believe she was seeing it with her own eyes.

First came a group of dragon-toothed wrasses passing around, the sun above making their scales shine. Jaeyi reached out to them and spun, as if dancing with their current.

Seulgi thought she was the most beautiful sight of all, in full diving gear and all. It was like the ocean was Jaeyi's natural habitat, and she was coming home after a long trip.

As if sensing her monachopsis, Jaeyi grabbed Seulgi's hand and led her further down in the depths. The maximum beginners should do is 12 meters, and Jaeyi had picked this particular spot in Pohang for it, having prepared their summer activities for months.

Seulgi started squeezing her hand repeatedly. Jaeyi looked up at her, and God, those doe eyes were back as soon as they reached the bottom.

The ocean floor was lined with colorful coral reefs and sea anemones. As if on queue, a smiling stingray passed under their feet. It reminded Seulgi of the one in the movie Finding Nemo, who took the young fish to school. She never failed to cry with that animated film, the premise being too relatable. Seulgi had always hoped her father would find her too, and when he finally did years later, she could only imagine the happily ever after. That's when Seulgi learned that fiction rarely ever came true. Yet here she was, feeling like she was in a fairytale.

They followed the stingray for a little bit, thinking it was adorable. It seemed to have taken a liking to them, so Jaeyi carefully placed Seulgi's gloved palm over its belly. The stingray seemed to smile wider before transcending away. Seulgi seemed so excited.

Now, Jaeyi swam in the opposite direction of the stingray, deciding they shouldn't stray too far from the boat. In this turn of events, multiple glowing lights appeared in the distance. This could only mean one thing: Jellyfish.

She quickly stopped Seulgi from moving forward with a jerking motion. No matter how tempting, you must not touch. They sting like a bitch. That being said, these jellyfish were jaw-dropping. Translucent in all their glory.

Seulgi stared in awe as the creatures went up and down. The current was calm today, so these guys were probably stuck here until nighttime, as jellyfish cannot willingly move sideways.

After taking them in, Jaeyi guided Seulgi around once more. She interpreted the jellyfish and the newly spotted poisonous nudibranchs as a sign to head back.

Their tanks should have more than enough oxygen to make it back up, as they've only been here for 40 minutes, so Jaeyi just made sure her girlfriend was still following her behind.

They reached the surface shortly after and made it to the diving boat. The couple finally took off their snorkeling masks with the biggest grins.

Seulgi grabbed Jaeyi's arms and started hopping around like a bunny. "Jaeyi-ah, that was incredible. Did we really pet a stingray? It was so adorable. And the jellyfish…"

Oh, princess, you don't know how much I want to show you the whole world.

"I love you," Jaeyi blurted out, interrupting her rant with a hug.

"For free?" Seulgi laughed. They had really let loose during their calls. It was weird to be this open in person, no longer doubting their relationship like when they first reunited last November. But as strange as it was, this change also felt so natural. "I love you too, silly goose."

"Would you love me more if I said I brought food?"

Seulgi backed off and stared right at her brown eyes. "Don't play with my stomach."

"Look under the towels."

Her princess did as she was told and discovered a cooler full of vegetables, shredded chicken and canned lemonade. "I fucking love you."

"Now that's the enthusiasm I was looking for." Jaeyi winked. "There's bread in my tote bag too. I thought we could make sandwiches."

Seulgi cupped her cheek, Jaeyi instinctively melting into the touch. "You really thought of everything, didn't you?"

"Well, I had months to plan…" her girlfriend mumbled sheepishly.

Seulgi pressed their lips together and breathed out, "Thank you… Now let's get out of these wetsuits and eat."

"Yes, princess." Teasing as always, Jaeyi pulled down the zipper on her chest and started slowly undressing in front of her girlfriend.

Seulgi averted her eyes, turning around as if to give Jaeyi privacy. Suddenly, she felt the Velcro on the back of her wetsuit open and completely froze.

"Let me help you," Jaeyi whispered softly in her ear.

Her princess swallowed and held her breath, not fighting back as Jaeyi slid the wetsuit off her body and left goosebumps down her spine.

"You're wearing the black swimsuit I gave you?" she gasped, endeared.

Seulgi turned around slowly, feeling like a sheep being hunted by a wolf. She began to open her mouth but no sound would come out as Jaeyi traced the lines of her collarbone tattoo with her fingertips.

"Hot…" Jaeyi mumbled.

Seulgi closed her eyes, remembering in a flash why she got that tattoo in the first place.

Sujin, Seulgi's friend from the orphanage, had given her the idea to get a tattoo to cover the cigarette mark on her collarbone. Sujin was determined to cover her own foot burn mark with a tattoo as well, the thought encouraging her to get clean.

When Sujin passed away and became Jenna's fake body, all Seulgi could focus on was the lack of ink on her skin. Sure, she wasn't the closest to Sujin but hell, her friend was trying her best to recover and take her life back. How unfair is it that her time was cut short? It had really angered Seulgi.

As she earned more and more money from tutoring rich kids, Seulgi decided to just do it. The design she had picked was of a 玄武, a black tortoise and snake also known as the Dark Warrior of the North, and one of the four symbols of the constellations in Chinese mythology.

This God of the North represents the season of winter, the element of water, the moon, and the virtue of knowledge. All of the black tortoise and snake's placements resembling Jaeyi, and Seulgi's name meaning 'Wisdom', was just the perfect symbolism to have inked forever.

The white silver snake went around her right collarbone while the black tortoise looked back at the snake with red eyes on the opposite side.

Jaeyi was trailing the snake and moving onto the black tortoise as if it wasn't increasing Seulgi's body temperature by a hundred.

She leaned down and placed a kiss exactly where her princess' cigarette burn mark laid. After a beat, Jaeyi smirked and said, "Let's get started on those sandwiches."

Seulgi bit her lip and somehow felt a little disappointed, not sure why when her stomach was rumbling at the mention of food.

The afternoon had seemed to pass quickly after they devoured their lunch because now the sun was setting.

Leaning against the railing, Seulgi admired her girlfriend as she drove the diving boat in the direction of the shore. How Jaeyi knew how to do all these things beats Seulgi. She shouldn't be surprised anymore, but maybe that was part of Jaeyi's charm.

"Hey, baby…" Seulgi called. "Can we stop here for a while?"

Without question asked, Jaeyi turned off the engine and approached her princess.

Seulgi held both of her hands and turned towards the horizon. "Let's watch the sunset together."

Jaeyi just smiled and led them to the back of the boat, where they could see the sun slowly lowering. She helped Seulgi down and brought more cold lemonade before she joined her girlfriend. "This feels like a dream…"

"Right?" Seulgi grinned, happy that Jaeyi had replaced her dreams of death with a happy future. "I feel the need to pinch myself to know it's real."

Jaeyi suddenly kissed her cheek. "I think this is more efficient." She added after a moment, "But I guess you have dreamed of kissing me before…"

"I told you that in confidence!" Seulgi whined. "And don't act like you haven't done it too."

"Mm, have I?" Jaeyi brought her fingers to her chin in a thinking manner.

"You're worse than me!"

Jaeyu burst out laughing and mocked, "I told you that in confidence!"

Seulgi stuck out her tongue, and Jaeyi followed under this gradient sky full of stars, the two acting like children who never got their hopes shattered by the cruelty of the world.