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“But Hilda just doesn’t get it,” I nod. “Kally kind of can, but she still wasn’t there for most of that, you know?” There’s silence for a few seconds. “Holly?” I ask, spinning around once I realizes she isn’t slithering next to me anymore. What… “Oh gods, Holly!” I blurt, spying her in the sand.
I quickly shuffle over to her, trying to see what happened. I’m not a doctor or healer, though, and as far as I can tell she looks fine.
Something about this tickles the back of my mind, but I wave the thought way, more worried about my friend at the moment. She’s passed out, and it looks like she simply fell over.
I pull her face out of the sand and check her breathing. It’s steady. That exhausts my medical ability, other than using a reviver seed. Those are emergency items, though, and I’m more than strong enough to carry her back to town.
Snuffing the fire around my collar, I haul as much of the serperior’s body off the ground as I can. Her head dangles off my left shoulder, and a good portion of her tail stays on the ground, but it’s better than dragging the rest of her.
It’s not the first time I’ve had to carry her somewhere—usually away from an idiot team that was trying to cause trouble—but my body isn’t built for carrying heavy loads while walking on my hind legs like this. Still, Treasure Town isn’t too far, and I’ve been through worse.
The crossroad is coming into sight when I feel Holly twist, groaning. “Can’t you idiots ever wake me before breaking camp?” She mumbles.
I stop short. That’s Holly’s voice, but it sounds nothing like her. That nagging feeling of familiarity hit’s me again, like I’ve been through this before–
Oh. Oh you divine… Just, really?! Thirty years and now you decide to pull something? With my best friend?!
Okay, not you Dialga. Love you, mean it. I’ll see about getting some muffins to you soon. I was talking about your dad, the pixies, and the snake. Possibly your brother, too, maybe? But I doubt he was involved here.
I give it a moment in case Miss Time has any objections. Not that I pray to her all that often, and she’s pretty chill when the world isn’t falling apart.
Nothing happens. Good.
I set Not-Holly down carefully. I remember exactly how much I panicked when I woke up in the wrong body, and I doubt this will be any different. Actually, this will probably be a lot different since Holly has– had… Since we’re guild elites.
Taking a step back, I try to make myself as unintimidating as a six-foot fire-badger can be. It probably doesn’t work, but anything will help. Especially since I can’t help the snarl still on my face.
I just need to keep reminding myself that it’s fine. I’ll get Holly back, probably kick some god’s ass in the process, and in a few months this will just be another misadventure we only talk about without anyone else around.
“I didn’t say leave me on the ground,” Not-Holly groans, rolling over. She pushes off the earth with her stubby leaf-arms before freezing, finally opening her eyes. She stares down at her arms before slowly tracing down the rest of her serpentine body. “Squamp, I swear to all the gods if you burnt a spell slot on polymorphing me again…” She hisses in warning. “What even am I?”
…Spell slot. Polymorph. This really is going to be a whole thing, huh? At least I know she might be from Earth.
“A serperior,” I answer her. “And I don’t think your… I’m going to assume sorcerer had anything to do with this.”
She whips around too fast, toppling over. Pushing herself up again, a motion that isn’t really needed due to her build, she stares at me. “Okay, no, time out. Mira, I need context!” She calls, glancing up at the sky.
Hmm. So, is she trying to talk to a DM? I look up as well, waiting for anything to happen.
…
Yeah, didn’t think so. The fence llama doesn’t like intruders into his worlds. That’s the whole reason the mirror-serpent exists.
“I don’t think your dungeon master is, uh, here,” I say trying to be gentle. That’s never been my strong suit, though.
Not-Holly’s eyes snap back to me, “You” She literally hisses, “Explain.”
Rude. I feel my eyebrows go up, my collar sputtering as it tries to reignite on instinct, “Is that really how you want to try this?”
She glowers for a few seconds before taking a deep breath. “Right, be polite” She sighs out. “You clearly know at least something about what’s going on. Would you mind filling me in?”
“Could I get your name first?” I ask. “Calling you Not-Holly in my head isn’t great.”
She mouths the words ‘Not-Holly,’ then clearly dismisses it. “Athanasia Des…” She trails off, flicking her eyes up. “Maria labella,” She huffs.
“Fintan,” I return. “Or just Fin. And as for what’s going on, what were you doing before this?” I ask, spinning a finger around.
She looks uncomfortable for a moment, but ultimately seems to accept that she needs to say it. “I was… playingdanddnintheditionwithacoupleoffriends,” she blurts out.
Okay? New question, “And that’s real enough that you’d think this was part of that?”
“Well it’s not on the View-Net, but it still works!” She defends herself. “And… you know, mods. No restrictions.”
Right, I can get the gist from that and context now. “So, to explain, you aren’t in a game anymore,” I inform her.
“Nope,” She immediately shakes her head. “I’m not falling for that. What, you think it’s still twenty-forty?”
“twenty-fifteen, last I checked. But no, really. Welcome to the pokemon world. Or one of them, at least,” I spread my hands in celebration.
She stares at me, then slowly starts to shake her head again. “No… Everybody knows better than to start thinking any of this is real. And pokemon? Isn’t that an old old franchise? So, what is this, an oldhead fan RP server for it? What are the rules?”
I sigh. “Tell me, does this feel more real than your game?”
Maria snorts, “Please, I’ve seen enough realism mods. That’s not going to fool me.”
Yeah, okay, she’s not going to get it until she experiences something humans can’t. Which should be pretty easy since all pokemon have that. Or she’s in denial. I was for a few weeks, too.
Unfortunately for her, I don’t want to let Holly exist in an uncertain state for that long. “Right, well, to keep explaining, you’ve just stolen my friends body in a process that I don’t really understand, and I’m going to be getting her back as soon as I can.”
“And you… steal people form other servers to do this quest?”
“Not. A. Game.” I reiterate. “Some god decided to do this, and you’ll probably stuck here even after I get Holly back. Which is going to be an entire thing.” I pull a hand down my face, “I’m not sure how I’m going to explain this to her wife, either.”
“Yeah. No, I’m not playing along here,” Maria says, going still. Then she frowns. After a few seconds, she starts to look worried. “…Where’s the menu?” She looks up at me, “Where’s the menu?!”
“Welcome to reality,” I tell her. “Honestly, it’s a pretty good one.”
Maria swoons for a moment, looking a lot more like a serpent, before crashing to the ground, unconscious.
Huh. Me telling her this was real wasn’t convincing enough, but… I assume some kind of basic system function missing was? I sigh. Some people, honestly.
***
“Anything yet?” Hilda asks, now adding impatience to her worry.
Kally doesn’t react to her tone, probably because she has a good idea of how the chesnaught is feeling right now.
Several more quiet seconds pass before Kally’s aurors fall, the lucario opening her eyes. “I have good news and rather more neutral information. Holly’s aura is still here, that’s the good news, and she’s either sleeping or otherwise suspended. Likewise, she doesn’t feel as though she’s decaying.”
“Not gone, then,” Hilda sighs, relieved.
“What about me?” Maria quietly asks, not looking up. She’s been rather withdrawn since accepting that this is reality.
“…Your aura is rather human shaped,” Kally says, stressing that last part, “But strong, otherwise. A bit like Fintan’s was, in truth, so you will likely resolve into whatever form suits you once Fin manages to track down someone with that kind of power.” Having said that, Kally gives me a look, querying me without words.
“The Star seems like a no-go,” I admit. “Not really divine enough, you know? But, if something’s up, Old-And-Bubbly always seems willing to throw a wrench into things just because she can.”
Kally gives me a worried, if understanding, look, “I won’t say it again.” ‘So just please don’t hurt yourself too badly this time,’ Goes unsaid, but understood.
“You really are some kind of adventurer?” Maria asks. Lifting her gaze from the floor. “Just… going out and doing all this?”
“If you want to look at it that way,” I say, glad she’s at least engaging again. “You could even compare me to a paladin, if it helps. Complete with occasional godly backing.”
***
“All better!” Mew, The Mew, chirps, light fading from the top of the tower. “One Holly back in her body, and…” She says, wiggling her tiny paws. There’s a poof of smoke that looks like a terrible special effect, and a nidoran appears, “One Maria, complete with new body!”
“I’m– I really can’t be human?” Maria asks, blinking down at her new proto-hands.
“No, silly,” Mew giggles. “Only the special-est of special humans get to exist in this reality. But you don’t like being a nidoran? I tried to pick one that felt the most like you,” Mew looks devastated at the thought that she messed up.
One of the two oldest beings in existence, everyone. Then again, she is, effectively, directed chaos.
“Nidoran evolve to nidoqueen,” I inform Maria. “They’re strong, by the way. And armored, with poison spines all over.”
“What did I miss?” Holly asks, still blinking from being returned to reality.
“A few weeks. A couple dungeon runs. That’s Maria, by the way, she had your body for those weeks. And we’re pretty sure it’s the snake, this time.”
“Oh, so we’re going to go kick his door in soon?”
“That was the general plan, yes,” I nod.
“Will I get real hands again?” Maria questions, looking a bit less despondent now.
“With crushing claws! And earth shattering strength!” Mew beams, nodding enthusiastically enough to make herself spin in the air.
“So, are we using the typical plan when messing with the gods?” Holly asks, adapting just as fast as always. “Which song this time?”
▲▲▲
▼▼▼
‘Never gonna give you up–’ The drone continues. Insistent, ceaseless, boring into my mind with each passing second.
‘–Let you down. Never gonna turn around and–’ And along with the drone, I can feel an intrusion breaking into my realm. Mortals, the same ones creating the drone, attempting to confront me. They have cleared the interstitial reality leading to my domain.
“You deserve it,” My sister speaks from across reality, taunting me. “Maybe don’t mess with one of my chosen, next you feel the need to meddle. In fact, ‘Never gonna make you cry–’” She joins the chorus.
“YOU WERE NOT MEANT TO AID THEM!” I roar across time to reach my sibling. “THEY WERE NOT MEANT TO SEPARATE! IT WAS TO BE A WARNING!”
The drone ceases for the briefest of moments before, ‘We’re no strangers to love,’ The first words begin anew.
“STOP!”
“You know the rules, and so do I,” My sister sings above the rest, clearly enjoying the double meaning.