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“I can’t say it back.”
“What?” Rio stops in her tracks and twists around to look at her from her spot on the sidewalk, arms tucked in to avoid a mother and her daughter strolling by.
“I- I can't say it back. You have to have realized by now,” Agatha’s face is tense, brows furrowed as if it’s been that way for years, biting the inside of her cheeks as she studies Rio’s reaction. She’s taking small steps forward, seemingly invested in keeping a distance between the two.
Rio just stops and stares.
Then she softens, her arm reaching out, palms splayed open invitingly, “You don’t say it in words.” She lets out a breath, body sagging through the exhale as her hand drops a little, empty.
“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying! I can’t say it back to you. You’re spending your life with someone who can’t tell you how they feel about you! How the fuck can you be okay with that!?”
Agatha’s stopped walking now. Her hands are gesturing wildly, having no care for the other pedestrians in her path. She squeezes her eyes shut and blinks wetly as she continues, “what’s the point of being with me if I can’t give you anything in return?”
Rio just stares, unable to wrap her mind around the magnitude of feeling storming around in her chest right now and simultaneously feeling hollowed out. She feels as if her heart was just carved out of her body with the devastation painting Agatha’s entire being right now.
“You can’t tell me- no listen,” She shushes quickly, “you can’t tell me, but my god, you show me everyday.”
Reaching forward again and leaving no room for rejection, she grabs Agatha’s shoulder and slides down to cup her palm, fingers intertwining.
“Mi amor, you are my light, my laughter, my strength.” She reaches up and swipes away at a lone tear on the other woman’s cheek, following when she shakes her head in response.
“No, I’m a taker. I take and take and take until there’s nothing left and eventually you are going to get sick of me.”
“You have never taken anything I haven’t given willingly.”
“I was born greedy, okay! That’s just how it is and how it’s always been. ”
“You were born starved.” Rio's voice cuts through like ice. “You were born to a woman who had nothing to give and you starved. Every single day in that house. All that came after was just you learning to survive.”
“When does it ever end?” Agatha gasps, “I don't…I don't want you to wake up one day and realize you wasted years of your life on someone who ever learnt how to love.”
“When I wake up in the morning you're always curled around me because you know I get cold in my sleep.” Rio can't bear it, can't have the absolute love of her life believing that she doesn't know how to love.
Not when she spends everyday feeling it deep within her bones, like vines on a tree curling their way upwards, never letting go.
Like moss on a riverside, slowly taking over until everything is lush with green.
“What…” Agatha blinks.
“You always make my coffee first because you know I'm impatient and burn my tongue so you use those extra moments to let it cool.
Agatha catches on to what she's trying to do and bites her lip as she blinks back tears.
“When I get scared of thunderstorms because they sound too much like fire crackling, you pull me under a blanket and make sure your voice is the only thing I can hear.”
“You hold my hand just because you want to, you always wait for me to open doors because you know I love the chivalry of it all.” Rio laughs wet and earnest, hand pulling Agatha in close.
She grasps onto her cheeks with both hands as she searches her eyes for some proof that all this was finally sinking in.
“Baby, your love doesn't take. It gives and gives and gives.”
And Agatha crumbles.
The tears finally let loose after a valiant effort and Rio catches them all, like it was just another thing on the list.
It takes about two minutes of embracing on the sidewalk before they decide to call a taxi and head home, limbs weary, hearts full yet feeling like a worn out balloon, stretched too far in one day.
In the back, they both recline into each other, limbs and hands still intertwined.
“I don’t need those pesky little words to tell me how much you love me. And fuck anyone who tells you otherwise.” Rio's voice cuts through like a whisper of a promise.
Rio feels her hand being squeezed. A beat passes. Another squeeze.
Another second. One final squeeze.
She waits for a moment and then the realization washes over her like a wave.
She just smiles softly while looking out the window.
She squeezes back three times
I love you.