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Cut. Again and again, until the blood fills all the arm and makes it such a vibrant color, until I cannot feel the pain no more of my arm and my regrets.
Qifrey sits on the bathroom floor with both his sleeves folded and his left arm bleeding and open.
He tries his best to keep quiet so he won’t wake up the girls
.
Knife in his right trembling hand, he wants to add more cuts to his arms but he just can’t. He just cannot bear to witness it anymore, while thinking of how olruggio will react to his impulsive decisions.
He already almost figured out how I hurt him with erasing his memories and I cannot show him this, no matter what happens.
Olruggio already cares so much for qifrey. He is always there when Qifrey needs him most, and yet in the end Qifrey always betrays him and hurts him bad with his own decisions and the desire to keep it all a secret, so that olruggio won’t sacrifice pieces of himself and his life anymore to Qifrey.
He wants to cry again. To scream so loudly until his throat hurts and that he won’t be able to feel anymore, so that he won’t be able to feel the pain of the aftermath to his actions toward olruggio and his forgotten memories.
There are footsteps sounding that are wandering in the atelier. “Qifrey? Are you there? Do you want to come and help me with this new recipe? I heard from the locals that’s it’s really successful with the children.” Olruggio calls out to him quietly.
“Qifrey?” He tried calling to him, following the sound of heavy breathing.
Eventually he finds himself in front of the bathroom door, on the first floor of the atelier, next to the kitchen.
He tries opening it but it’s locked.
“Qifrey? Is everything alright in there?”
No answer.
“You’ve been there for quite a while, since I haven’t seen you the past hour around the atelier.”
All qifrey can hear instead of his partners call is water, surrounding his eardrums and all over his arms.
Heavy water calling his name countless times, wanting him to drown.
“Qifrey? Do you hear me?”
“I’m going to open the lock and the door. Alright?”
“Qifrey???” Olruggio starts to panic.
He runs to the kitchen and quickly opens the upper cabinets to get the bathroom key, and runs back to the door to unlock it. He doesn’t care if it breaks.
He slams the door open, breaking the hinges, and he cannot breath.
He sees Qifrey sitting on the floor, lifeless with his glasses thrown off to the other side of the room.
His left hand is filled with blood that you can barely see the cuts, with faint white scars appearing where the blood didn’t land on top of the arm, while his right hand is still trembling with the knife, while his grip is slowly coming off it
The blood is spreading all over the bathroom wooden floor and going to the white rug. Qifrey stays with the same blank expression on his face when olruggio barges through the door . The only thing noticeable about his face is the one piercing blue eye, in shock like he didn’t yet comprehend what he had done.
Olruggio stood there frozen for a second. Or it could have been a minute. “Q-Qifrey! Wha-“
“what happened, Qifrey my dear?” Olruggio whispered, with tears in his eyes.
He walked slowly to where Qifrey is siting, in front of the tub, and kneeled toward him.
He slowly went and put his hands up. As if not to startle him.
“Qifrey, dear, can you give me the Knife please? Before anything else can happen?”
Qifrey doesn’t respond verbally. Instead he lets go of his grip to the knife and let’s it fall loudly to the floor.
Olruggio quickly snatches the knife and throws ot to the trash, while also searching for some bandages inside the sink.
Olruggio sighed of relief. “Thank you Qifrey. Now. I’m going to clean up your hand and bandage it, and then I’m going to help you change clothes and talk, alright?”
He doesn’t wait for an answer because he knows he won’t get one.
Instead he grabs a towel and puts it in the sink while turning on the faucet. He grabs a first aid kit that they both made and put here just in case, with some bandages, scissors and a thread and needle, and heads straight back to Qifrey, who still hasn’t moved at all.
While he started Cleaning Qifrey’s arm, a tough yet comfortable slice went on for a while.
“You, you weren’t…” Qifrey whispers so quietly olruggio almost thought he imagined it.
“What is it Qifrey? What didn’t i darling?” Olruggio asks. He gently removed the towel from his arm, and put it on the counter while grabbing the tread and needle and gently starting to stitch his arm.
He barely flinches the entire time.
“You weren’t supposed to find out about this olruggio…” Qifrey whispers again.
“You can’t find out about this, you were never supposed to know about this.
And now I've troubled you again, and I’m already losing it as it is, I already have plenty of scars throughout my body that bring me so much shame.” Qifrey is on the verge of tears.
olruggio stilled. He didn’t know what to say.
How could such a kindhearted person think such cruel and lonely things? How come he didn’t know about his harming tendencies, he’s supposed to be his watchful eye dammit!
Watching Qifrey hurt like this and continue to hide important stuff from him all over again just hurts. He sat there for a few seconds, though it felt for him that he sat there for hours, trying to think of the right thing to say.
He continued to stick qifrey’s arm, slowly.
“Qifrey, these scars don’t show who you are as a person. They only show the hardships that you had to suffer in your life. They show how brave you’ve been and how even with all the hurtful things you’ve been through you are still alive and breathing, and you found yourself a beautiful family who loves and cares for you so much you don’t even know how much we love you. I love you Qifrey.”
Qifrey doesn’t Answer after that.
He doesn’t look like he will be able to talk much at that moment.
But he can see his one eye glistening with tears.
It’s quiet after that.
Finishing cleaning qifrey’s arm, he goes to inspect the wound to see if maybe any more of the cuts would need stitches.
Luckily most of them weren't deep enough to need it.
He goes and grabs the bandages while gently he wraps them on his arm, trying his best not to cause his beloved any more pain.
“You’re doing great, Qifrey. Just a bit more and we are done It’s going to be okay. I’m weight here. You’re safe.” Olruggio tries to reassure him.
He takes Some safety pins and closes the bandages with them so they can be secure.
“Look, I know you don’t want to talk about this any time soon, or even at all, but you know we will have to eventually. I can’t see you hurting like this all alone.
It just my heart to watch you suffer while I’m still here, waiting for you to come to me first.
But now I see that was a stupid idea, I should’ve come to you staring away when I felt something’s wrong.” Olruggio sighs.
He starts to get up, reaching for Qifrey’s hand.
“Cmon, let’s go somewhere more comfortable and cozy. I can bring tea as well.”
Qifrey hesitates. “You- you don’t have to do this you know.
It’ll only makes matters worse if you help me out.”
“Whatever you mean by that? I just said that I want to help you, you are my sun that brights up every room you go into. I don’t care what you’ve done,
You still do not deserve such pain in this way.”
“I’ve sinned dearly oru. I’ve messed up and betrayed my best friend’s trust. If he will know the full truth, it will break his heart into small pieces that will never be able to be picked up again by the same man who hurt him.“
And yet, Qifrey still takes his hand.