Archive of Our Own

Anakin doesn't Fall, which  comes to a surprise to probably everyone, even himself. But he doesn't. Palpatine – no, Darth Sidious – wormed his way into Anakin's heart and soul, whispering lies and promises Anakin accepted without question. The dreams he's been having; about Padmé, about Obi-Wan, they were used against him, twisted his mind until he felt trapped with no way out. 

But then, when he's standing there, looking between Master Windu and Sidious, it's like he finally wakes up. Like he's been wading through a fog for so long, and just now the air is clearing, letting him think straight again for the first time in years.  He sees this pathetic creature at his feet, but he doesn't feel pity or empathy for it. All he feels is rage. All he had to go through these past few years, it's all been this creature's fault. The fear of his loved ones dying, the fear of his own death, all that fades into the background in the face of betrayal and rage . 

Sidious manages to cast Windu off him. He pleads with Anakin, tells him he needs him. Tells him only he has the power to save the ones Anakin loves. But Anakin doesn't hear him over the blood that rushes in his ears. He's been a slave to this man for all these years, and he never even knew it. He thought they were friends. 

When he pierces his light-saber into Sidious' stomach, he doesn't even relish the shocked look on the old man's face. Death seems like a tame punishment for Sidious' crimes, but Anakin knows no better way. He stays, stays until he sees all the life drain out of Sidious' eyes, until his body starts to grow cold.  Soon, people start swarming. Jedi, guards, senators maybe. Anakin doesn't even know. He barely registers the shouting around him. 

So, no, Anakin didn't fall. 

At least, not in a way the Jedi Order cared about. 

—

The Senate wants to put him on trial, of course. They don't understand what a Sith Lord is. All they know is that Anakin murdered the Chancellor of the Republic. Surprisingly, the Jedi Order don't kick him out. Dimly, when Anakin remembers to think or feel anything , he was sure they would. They did it with Ahsoka, and she hadn't even been guilty. 

And Anakin is guilty.

—

Eventually, an investigation reveals all of Sidious' crimes. His plans for a totalitarian state, his abuses of power, the futility of the war, all of it. Suddenly, Anakin is regarded as a hero again. 

Anakin doesn't feel like a hero.

He doesn't know how to exist in peacetime. There's an itch under his skin he just can't seem to get rid off. The numbness of the first few weeks after Sidious' death wears off, and then he's just angry, all the time . 

The HoloNet publishes stories about him. About his bravery and righteousness. They don't know what he's done. What he had to do during the war to survive. All the people he's killed. 

—

Padmé leaves.

It blindsides him, even though he should've known nothing good in his life could ever last. She says he's not who she thought he'd be, in peacetime. That he's changed . It doesn't seem to help when Anakin tells her that maybe this is the real him, and however he was before was a fairy tale.

She cries, at least, so maybe he meant something to her. He cries, too. But she still leaves.

—

It all comes crashing down around him, because of course it has to. 

He slips. 

Obi-Wan has been worried about him. He begs Anakin to talk to him. Finally, Anakin does.  Once the words start, they don't stop.  His mother. The Tuskens . His doomed marriage to Padmé. The cold-blooded execution of Count Dooku. How tempted he was by Sidious, how close he was to falling. Every secret he's been holding in pours out of him like a dam that's burst. He's not sure what he wants. Forgiveness, probably. Some sort of absolution.

But Obi-Wan doesn't give him that. 

He leaves . He's furious and betrayed and looks at Anakin in a way Anakin's never seen before. Like he hates him.

—

He's pulled before the Council, but they miraculously don't cast him out of the Order now, either. Maybe they think it's safer to keep him at the Temple, locked up in every way except in name. Or maybe, they just don't want to deal with the fallout if everything Anakin's done gets out to the public. They give him rules. He doesn't get assigned any missions, he's not allowed to fly any of the ships in the hangar, and they're monitoring his communication channel. 

Like Anakin has anyone to call.

They act like it's for his own good, too.  They keep telling him to rest, like all Anakin's problems will be solved by a fucking nap .

Anakin can't rest. Not when he hasn't seen Obi-Wan since it all came out. He wasn't there during the Council meeting, and his absence speaks volumes. He couldn't even be bothered to care what happens to Anakin.  Anakin calls him, writes to him, begs and rages in equal measure, but he gets no reply.  Obi-Wan isn't even on Coruscant. He's off on mission after mission, and Anakin barely even knows if he's alive or not. Not knowing drives him crazy.

Eventually, he gives up. Fine. Fuck Obi-Wan anyway. Anakin doesn't need him. He doesn't need anyone . His last message to Obi-Wan is awful. He says he hates him. That he never wanted Obi-Wan as his Master. That he hopes he dies.

And then he smashes his comm.

—

The next two months pass in a haze for Anakin. He doesn't have the energy for much of anything, so he mostly spends his days cooped up in his room, staring at the ceiling or sleeping. He thinks R2 must be bringing him food, because he hears someone leaving trays outside his door. He doesn't eat much of it, though.  He showers only when he really can't stand the smell of himself, and even then he does it as quickly as possible before throwing on as many layers as he can.

One day, his mind drifts, and he forgets to avoid looking in the mirror.  What he sees startles him so much he almost slips.

He knows he's lost weight. He hasn't been eating or moving, so his muscles have deteriorated and he's lost the healthy layer of fat he once had. 

But he looks… 

Dead. He looks dead. His face is so pale and gaunt it resembles nothing more than a skeleton. He can see his ribs through the thin layer of skin on his torso. His hair, once golden and alive, has lost its shine and hangs limp and straggly around his face.

He feels like throwing up, but he has nothing in his stomach. He retches in the sink, but all that comes up is bile that burns his throat and makes him tear up.

He gets dressed quickly after that, now painfully aware of how the clothes hang listlessly over his sickly frame. He should eat, he knows he needs to, but the thought makes him nauseated again, so he just goes back to bed.

That's when the thought strikes him. I t's not really the first time, but it's the first time he hasn't just pushed it away or ignored it.

What if he just disappeared? Wouldn't that be infinitely better than how things are now?  It's not like anyone would really miss him. In fact, most people would probably be relieved he was gone. 

He knows how he'd do it. The Halls of Healing has all kinds of medication. He could sneak in easily, no one would ever catch him.  It would be painless. Easy. Minimal cleanup for whoever found him.  He'd finally get to rest . He'd finally be free .

The thought haunts him the whole of the next day. And the next. And the next, until every waking moment is filled with it.  What if I just died? Finally, he lies awake, unable to fall asleep. His usually overactive brain is weirdly numb. What had been a fleeting thought only a few days ago now seems to be his entire world.

I want to die , he thinks.

Then, he's suddenly terrified. 

Because he doesn't want to die . He doesn't . Death scares him more than anything .  But he's considering it. He's seriously thinking about it. His mind is trying to convince him it's the right thing to do.

He needs help , he realises. Or he's going to die.

—

Vokara Che takes one look at him, and confines him to a bed in the Halls of Healing. She brings him smaller meals five times a day, and sits there until he's finished it all. 

The first week is hell. Anakin fiercely regrets coming to her. He screams at her, throws his food across the room, does anything to make her leave him alone .  But she doesn't . Only when he does what she asks does she let him be alone, and even then he knows she's just a few meters away and always on her guard. At night, there's another nurse, sitting watch at his bedside. 

He has no idea why he's still allowed to stay. Surely, the Council knows he's here. They have been keeping a close eye on him for months, and even if Che hasn't told them anything, disappearing from his quarters would certainly raise an alarm.

But no one has come to see him, which is honestly a relief. He told Che he didn't want to speak to anyone, but he doubts she would actually honor that promise. Most likely, no one cares enough to bother.

The second week, Che brings someone, though. Anakin doesn't recognise him, but he instantly dislikes him. He's one of those people who always smiles, even when there's absolutely nothing to smile about. 

Anakin likes him even less when he realises he's a therapist .

After only about five minutes of screaming, the man leaves in a huff, smile gone and with the words "I can't help him" left behind. Good. Anakin doesn't need anyone rooting around in his head.

Che is angry with him, of course. And she doesn't give up. Four more therapists show up over the course of the week. Anakin manages to scare all of them off. Then the fifth one shows up, and he's sure he's going to be much the same. 

He's a short human man, brown hair and a slightly stubbly face. Dr. Del Luur, he introduces himself as. Anakin is prepared for the usual. How is he feeling? Why is he here? 

But Dr. Luur doesn't ask any of that. 

"So, Anakin", he says as he sits down at Anakin's bedside. "What do you like to do for fun?"

The question shocks him so much he just sits and blinks for a few moments.

"Uh…", he says, mind totally blank. This he hadn't been prepared for. He can't think of a single snarky or mean thing to say.

"Hobbies, I mean", Dr. Luur clarifies, as if Anakin not understanding the question is the problem here.

"Uh…", Anakin repeats. He stares at Dr. Luur, wondering what kind of game is being played here.

Still, somehow, he feels compelled to answer.

"Flying, I guess?", he says. It comes out sounding like a question.

"Flying, good", Dr. Luur says. "I'm scared of heights, myself, so I can't say I understand it, but to each their own."

Anakin has to raise an eyebrow at that.

"You live on Coruscant and you're afraid of heights?", he questions, and Dr. Luur laughs.

"Yeah, that seems stupid, doesn't it?", he jokes. "I met my wife here a few years ago on a trip", he then explains. "No choice, really."

Anakin nods awkwardly, feeling entirely wrong-footed. 

"So, what do you like about flying?", Dr Luur continues. 

"Uh… I don't know?", he stutters. "I'm good at it."

"Valid enough reason", Dr. Luur shrugs, but he's clearly waiting for Anakin to elaborate further.

"I like being high up", Anakin says, somewhat dumbly. Then there's an awkward pause, where Anakin doesn't know if he should keep going or shut up.

"Anything else?", Dr. Luur prods, and now Anakin feels his temper slowly start to flare up.

"Why are you asking?", he snaps, suddenly remembering he's supposed to be driving this guy off.

"Just making conversation", Dr. Luur shrugs. "I'd like to get to know you."

"Why?", Anakin prods. "Have you missed the news? I'm a murderer."

Dr. Luur is quiet for a few moments.

"The HoloNet calls you a hero", he says, and Anakin bristles.

"They don't know what they're talking about", he spits.

"I'm sure you're right", Dr. Luur says. "Only you really know what happened, after all."

Instantly, Anakin's suspicious.

"That's why you're here, isn't it?", he accuses. "You just want to sell a story, don't you?"

Dr. Luur has the nerve to smile.

"Well", he says, "it would certainly pay better than being a therapist."

Anakin blinks at him, shocked out of his anger. 

"But no, Anakin, that's not why I'm here", Luur continues. "I'd like to help you."

"I don't need help", is Anakin's knee-jerk response.

"I think you do", Luur says mildly. " But I can always leave if you really want me to. No skin off my back."

Again, Anakin's surprised. No one else has offered to go voluntarily. 

Great! That's what he wants, right? He doesn't want or need some hack therapist to tell him how he's feeling or analyse his brain.

Anakin's quiet for a few moments. Then-

"You're really scared of flying?

—

The next time Dr. Luur shows up, Anakin feels decidedly like he's been tricked. This time, Dr. Luur does ask how he's feeling. Strangely, though, Anakin feels compelled to answer.

"Like shit", he says, and watches Dr. Luur's face closely to gauge his reaction. 

He didn't need to, because the laugh that escapes him is fairly obvious.

"Yeah, that was probably a stupid question", Dr. Luur says. "I would probably feel like shit, too, in your position."

"And what position is that?", Anakin snaps. Dr. Luur doesn't flinch.

"Severely depressed and suicidal", he says calmly. 

"I'm not depressed", Anakin instantly protests. "Or suicidal."

"No?" Dr. Luur raises an eyebrow. "I was under the impression that's why you're here. If I'm mistaken, I apologise."

Anakin bristles, but can't think of anything to say.

"Why are you here, then?", Dr. Luur asks.

"Okay", Anakin says, "I was feeling… Whatever. I'm fine now."

"Alright", Dr. Luur says. "Could you tell me why you were feeling depressed?"

Anakin's silent. Dr. Luur waits for many uncomfortable seconds, before simply nodding and moving on.

The rest of their time is spent talking about entirely mundane things, like some holo show they've both seen or how traffic is always awful.

Without meaning to, Anakin feels lighter after Dr. Luur leaves. 

—

After four weeks, he's allowed to leave. He's still skinny, but now he can stand up without feeling like he's going to pass out, and he looks a lot less like a walking skeleton.

The first night back in his own bed, he actually sleeps like a log. He's barely been able to sleep in the Halls of Healing, with someone always watching him and the noises of people walking around disturbing him. Finally, he's alone .

The novelty of it all lasts about a day, before he's reminded that he doesn't actually like being alone. Or, he does , but not like this. Not when he has no choice. Being alone right now means having more time to think, which is sort of the last thing he needs. 

He starts watching a lot of holodramas. It's not as good as real company, of course, but it's nice background noise that makes him feel just a bit less lonely. Besides, he doesn't think he could stomach trying to reach out to any real person right now. No one would want to see him, and then he'd just get more depressed. It's not like he even has anyone to reach out to in the first place. 

R2 is honestly a life-saver. He starts bringing Anakin random broken mechanical things to fix along with his meals, and he often sticks around to chat for a while. He's maybe not exactly as sentient as an organic being, but he's nice to have around nonetheless. 

After a week at home, he's built up quite a collection of little robots and stupid inventions. They, too, make him feel just a bit less alone.

—

He still doesn't leave his quarters that much. People look at him weird when they pass him in the Temple corridors, and it's not like he has a lot of places to go anyway.

Anakin's immensely grateful that R2 is still delivering his food. He feels queasy at the mere thought of eating in the refectory, where it would be painfully obvious how alone he is. If he sat down at a full table, everyone would probably move.

So, he really only leaves for his appointments with Dr. Luur, who insisted on having them at the Halls of Healing.

"That way, you don't have to worry about cleaning your apartment", he'd joked. Anakin's sure there's some other stupid therapist reason for it, but he hasn't argued. 

It's when he's walking to his appointment that he sees him.

Obi-Wan . 

He's walking next to Quinlan Vos, and they seem deeply immersed in conversation.

Seeing him is like being doused in ice cold water. It shocks Anakin's system, making him freeze up on the spot. He doesn't even know what he feels. He's missed Obi-Wan so much, so much it physically hurts him, but he's also still so angry at him.

Angry that he left, angry that he doesn't love Anakin, angry that he makes Anakin feel so much in return.

Too late, he realises Obi-Wan's going to notice him. He looks around the corridor, but it's entirely void of any convenient exits or even a pot to hide behind. He still can't bring himself to move. Despite himself, he's drinking in the sight of Obi-Wan like a man dying of thirst. 

He looks tired, is the first thing Anakin really has the time to notice. There's a heaviness to his walk that's never been there before, and the skin under his eyes is mottled bluer than normal.

Obi-Wan's close now, and Anakin's run out of time. He watches Obi-Wan look up, and he sees him stiffen when their eyes meet.

"Anakin", he says, seemingly more in surprise than in greeting. 

He stops in his tracks a respectful distance away. Anakin is painfully aware of Vos' stare, and he struggles not to squirm under it.

"Obi-Wan", Anakin says, nodding his head. 

They stand in awkward silence for a few moments, before Vos claps Obi-Wan on the shoulder with way too much enthusiasm.

"I'll leave you to catch up", he says, eyes never leaving Anakin. 

"Quinlan-", Obi-Wan starts protesting, but Vos has already walked off.

Another awkward silence.

"How… How are you?", Obi-Wan finally asks. Anakin swallows.

His last words to Obi-Wan are ringing in his ears.

"It's all your fault!" , he'd screamed into his communicator. "I hate you!"

His palms start sweating.

Obi-Wan has to know everything. He's on the Council. He has to know about Anakin's stay in the Halls of Healing, and about his appointments with Dr. Luur.

"I'm good", he says, because what else can he say? He's not about to start sobbing in front of Obi-Wan in an open corridor where anyone could walk by.

"Good", Obi-Wan says.

Anakin clears his throat.

"You?"

Obi-Wan looks confused for a moment.

"Me?"

"How are you?", Anakin clarifies.

"Oh. I'm quite alright, thank you", Obi-Wan says. 

Something tells Anakin that Obi-Wan isn't really telling the truth either.

"Good", he says. 

Another awkward pause.

"I kind of have to…", Anakin says, motioning down the corridor.

"Right, yes, of course", Obi-Wan says.

"See you", Anakin says, before walking away as fast as he can without it being too obvious.

He doesn't know if Obi-Wan even replies.

—

He's still frazzled when he shows up to his appointment. He replies to Dr. Luur mostly in monosyllabic sentences or small grunts, and it clearly doesn't go unnoticed.

"Something on your mind?", Dr. Luur asks. 

Here is where Anakin usually just shuts down. He doesn't like talking about his feelings, especially with someone he knows is going to analyse them and make them into some kind of lesson to be learned. But somehow, he sort of trusts this stupid therapist now.

"I saw Obi-Wan just now", he says, like that explains everything.

"I see", Dr. Luur says evenly. "He was your Master, right?"

"Yeah."

Like that's enough to describe what he means to Anakin.

"What's bothering you about seeing him?", Dr. Luur asks.

Anakin doesn't know how to answer. There's just so much . Even before the end of the war, Obi-Wan and him weren't exactly getting along. 

He opens his mouth, then closes it again. It takes a few tries before he actually manages to form words.

"We fought the last time I saw him", he says, which is sort of an understatement. "He wouldn't answer his comm, and I… Said a lot of thing."

"Unkind things?", Dr. Luur prods, and Anakin almost flinches.

"Yeah, I guess", he mutters. "I haven't seen or spoken to him since, and that was months ago now."

"I see", Dr. Luur says, still calm and non-judgemental. "So, you feel guilty?"

Anakin instantly bristles.

"No", he says emphatically. "It was his fault, not mine."

"He made you say unkind things?", Dr. Luur asks, which just pisses Anakin off further.

"Why are you on his side?", he asks accusingly. Dr. Luur holds up his hands in surrender.

"I'm not on anyone's side", he says. "I'm just trying to understand what happened between you two."

"It's complicated", Anakin mutters, sagging down into his chair. 

"We have time", Dr. Luur says. 

Anakin hesitates.  He doesn't really feel like talking about Obi-Wan, but at the same time, it's also kind of all he wants to talk about . And he doesn't exactly have any friends he can talk to.

"Fine", he says.

—

"You weren't kidding", Dr. Luur says about half an hour later, when Anakin's finally finished talking. "It really is complicated."

Anakin laughs semi-maniacally. 

"Yeah", he croaks. 

"So, what are you going to do?", Dr. Luur asks.

"What do you mean?" 

"He's clearly a very important person to you", Luur says. "It must be very hard that your relationship is so rocky right now. So, what are you going to do about it? Do you want to fix it?"

Anakin blinks. 

If things could be fixed, does he want that?

"I don't know", he says. "He…"

Anakin swallows, feeling that familiar lump in his throat. There's a reason he swore off thinking about Obi-Wan months ago.

"He left me", he croaks out, hating how his voice breaks. "He just left."

And suddenly, the wave of grief that he's been repressing for months now overtakes him. Awful hot tears pour from his eyes, and it feels like the entire world is closing in on him. He can't breathe. Or rather, he starts breathing way too much, with no way to breathe out again. 

"He left me", is all he can gasp out, like the pain will somehow be lessened if he just keeps repeating it.

Dr. Luur keeps telling him to breathe out, to count his breaths, but it doesn't help.

"He hates me", Anakin sobs between inhales. "And he should , he should hate me, I'm a monster!"

And he is . 

He slaughtered so many. He's a fucking murderer . And for all these years, he's been telling himself it was righteous, that they deserved it for what they did. He's been running from it. But there's nowhere to run to now.

He still sees them in his dreams. The faces of the Tuskens he killed. The children that had screamed. The women who'd tried to escape.

He remembers how after, it was like waking up from a dream. In his rage, it was like he'd been standing outside his own body, seeing himself commit unspeakable horrors. And when it was over, when he returned to himself, he could almost convince himself that it hadn't been him that did it. Someone else, someone who looked an awful lot like him had killed that village.

He remembers Padmé's forgiveness, how it was like a balm that soothed his very soul.  He'd wanted forgiveness from Obi-Wan, too. He'd known he wouldn't receive it, but he'd hoped .

But all Obi-Wan could give him was hatred and disgust.

He grips his hair tight, trying to ground himself through the pain. Gentle hands try to loosen his grip, but Anakin won't, can't let go.

"You're okay", he thinks he hears someone say, but he definitely isn't .

It takes him ages to calm down again, and when he finally manages to get his breathing back to semi-normal, he feels like he's just run a marathon. His limbs are tingling in the weirdest way, and he's fully aware of how gross he must look, with snot and tears all over his face.

Dr. Luur gives him a tissue box, and Anakin takes it, face flaming in shame. He refuses to apologise, though. 

"Are you okay?", Luur asks, and Anakin nods shakily. 

"Sometimes pent up emotions need to find their release", Luur says, all calm and wise. Anakin thinks he's bullshit, but is too tired to try to argue.

Then, Dr. Luur says they're out of time. Anakin leaves, feeling decidedly like his insides have been dug up and examined and then just left strewn about without any semblance of closure.

—

That night, he can't sleep. He turns over Dr. Luur's question in his head until he almost feels sick. 

Does he want to fix things with Obi-Wan? 

Well, yes. If they could go back to how they were before, Anakin would do anything.

But he knows they can't. Not for either of them. Even before Anakin came clean about everything, they hadn't really been the same. Not since Rako Hardeen. Not since the horrors of war shaped them both into different people.

Still… Still, he misses Obi-Wan. He's still hurt and angry, but even so… Even so, he wants to try. Needs to. 

He needs Obi-Wan .

—

"I do want to fix things", he reluctantly tells Dr. Luur during their next session. "But I don't even really know where to start."

It deals a powerful blow to his pride to admit it, but Dr. Luur smiles at him like he's done something right.

"You should start by talking to him", he says. "An apology would probably be a good idea."

Anakin's gut reaction is outrage. Who said he should be the one apologising? With great effort, he reins in his anger.  Then, he nods. Deep, deep down, he knows he carries most of the blame for the state of his and Obi-Wan's relationship, even though he maintains that Obi-Wan isn't entirely blameless, either. 

"Tell him you want to talk to him alone. Make sure you're not disturbed and that you have plenty of time. You could even write down what you want to say in advance if you want."

Anakin wrinkles his nose. That was a bit too touchy-feely. 

"Or just speak from the heart, that works too", Luur adds, clearly noticing his reaction. "The important thing is that you get out what you want to say."

Anakin nods, a tentative feeling of hope blooming in his chest. 

The rest of the session passes in a blur. Anakin blinks, and then Dr. Luur is saying:

"Our time is up for today, I'm afraid. I would like you to talk to Obi-Wan before we see each other again."

Anakin nods again. They say goodbye, and he walks back to his quarters in a hurry.

When he gets home, he beelines it for his bed and crashes face first into it. Therapy always leaves him emotionally drained and wrung out, and he really wants to just fall asleep. I nstead, he forces himself to eat, and as he does, he starts planning.

He's going to fix things with Obi-Wan even if it kills him.

—

The thing, though, is that Anakin has never been very good at apologies. He would usually rather stew in his guilt but stubbornly refuse to admit he's done anything wrong to anyone else.  He apologises in other ways. Favours or gifts or compliments, that sort of thing. But this time, that's not going to cut it. 

He actually does end up trying to write down what he wants to say like Dr. Luur suggested, but he's never been the best at articulating things in writing, and the whole thing makes him cringe.

Then, he starts pacing, trying to formulate something in his head instead. That's also sort of a bust. His mind remains blank beyond the simple "I'm sorry", which also isn't going to cut it.

As he struggles, the days pass, until it's the day before his next session.  It's not like he'll be punished if he doesn't do it in time. But Dr. Luur will be disappointed , and Anakin has had enough of disappointing people for a lifetime.

He ends up pacing his bedroom for practically the whole day, so he doesn't even notice that it's gotten late until he glances at the clock on his bedside table.  Obi-Wan is probably asleep by now. 

Maybe he's gripped by urgency. More truthfully, he's hoping that Obi-Wan won't answer his door and that Anakin can lessen his own guilt by convincing himself that he did try to apologise. Whatever the case may be, he ends up outside Obi-Wan's place at a bit past eleven at night. After a few moments of hesitation, he knocks softly on the door. If Obi-Wan's asleep, it probably won't rouse him. 

The seconds tick by, and Anakin quickly grows antsy. He's just about to give up and go back to his quarters when the door suddenly hisses open.

Obi-Wan is still in his full robes, to Anakin's surprise. He's holding a datapad under one arm, and he looks wholly exhausted.

"Anakin?", he asks, and his face smooths out into genuine surprise. "What are you doing here? Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine", Anakin says, even though everything most definitely isn't. "Just thought I'd stop by."

He tries to sound casual, but he can tell that Obi-Wan isn't buying it. And really, who can blame him? The last time they spoke before the one awkward encounter a week ago, Anakin told him he hated him and that he never wanted to see him again. Not exactly something you just bounce back from casually.

"It's past eleven", Obi-Wan says, and Anakin shrugs.

"Didn't realise how late it was", he says. "I can leave, if you want."

He's already sort of turning away, ready to go back to his quarters. Both relieved he won't have to apologise and hurt at being turned away.

"No, that's alright", Obi-Wan says, to Anakin's surprise. "Come in, please."

Obi-Wan gestures him inside, and Anakin follows. He quickly divests himself of his boots at the front door, because he knows how Obi-Wan hates having shoes inside, and then trails after Obi-Wan into the living room. Everything looks the same as it always does; neat and tidy and lacking personality. 

Obi-Wan sits down on his sofa, but he doesn't motion for Anakin to join him, so he's just sort of awkwardly hovering next to the caf table.

The air is decidedly tense . 

"So, what brings you over?", Obi-Wan asks again, and Anakin's heart twinges in pain. There was a time where he would've always been welcome, no questions asked. Where it would've been normal to just drop by for no real reason.

That's why I'm here , he reminds himself. To try to regain that.

"I, uh…", he starts, and then realises he has no idea how to finish the sentence.

Obi-Wan waits patiently for a response. Anakin feels himself starting to sweat. His eyes dart nervously around the room, desperate for something that could maybe help him right now. They land on the caf table, which is the only slightly messy part of the whole room.

There are stacks of flimsi spread over the table, and a few highlighters and pens are strewn about.

"What's this?", Anakin asks. It's certainly not an answer to Obi-Wan's question, and the raised eyebrow he gets tells him that Obi-Wan notices. But strangely, he doesn't call him on it.

"They're Initiate papers", he explains with a small sigh. "The creche Masters are a bit swamped at the moment, so I am helping out with grading."

Anakin's heart softens. Typical Obi-Wan, always having too many responsibilities and still happy to help anyone and everyone with anything.

"I imagine it's some really exciting reading", Anakin tries to joke, and to his delight, Obi-Wan actually chuckles.

"Feel free to read through them yourself, if you're interested", he smiles. Anakin makes a face.

"I'll pass, thanks."

"Fair enough", Obi-Wan shrugs. He eyes Anakin carefully for a moment, and Anakin instantly fears he's going to question him again. But then, he looks away again, and the danger seems to have passed.

"Tea?", is all he asks. 

"Uh, yeah. I mean, yes, please. Tea would be nice." 

Anakin cringes at his awkward stuttering, but Obi-Wan doesn't seem to notice.

A heavy silence descends on them as Obi-Wan gets up and busies himself with the tea. Anakin keeps hovering, not sure if he's supposed to sit down or not.  After a few minutes, Obi-Wan declares their tea finished, and he sits down on the sofa again after handing Anakin his mug. Then, he finally motions for Anakin to sit as well.

"You should be in bed by now", Obi-Wan says, and Anakin flushes with embarrassment at the phrasing.

"I am an adult, you know", he retorts, and Obi-Wan rolls his eyes.

"We should both be in bed by now", he says. "If I didn't have these papers to go through, I would be."

It's clearly a more subtle way of asking "what the hell are you doing here?" for the third time. Anakin acts like he doesn't understand.

"Do you need any help?", he says, nodding at the piles of flimsi on the table. "Might go faster with two people."

Obi-Wan looks surprised.

"Thought you just said you'd rather not", he says. Anakin shrugs.

"Changed my mind."

Obi-Wan looks at him strangely for a moment. 

"I'm sure you have something better to do, Anakin", he says.

"Nope", Anakin replies. "Hand me one."

He gets another look.

Of course he doesn't want any help from you. You're a murderer.

Another moment of silence passes, but then, Obi-Wan relents and hands him a stack of a few flimsi sheets.

"What am I looking for?", Anakin asks, shaking off the voice inside his head.

"Factual errors, misspellings, things like that", Obi-Wan says. "There's a grading guide there on the table."

"Discrepancies, got it."

They set to work in silence. It's still tense, but maybe just a bit less so than when he first arrived. Maybe Obi-Wan's realised he's not going to be yelled at. Anakin sneaks glances at Obi-Wan occasionally, when he's sure Obi-Wan won't notice. 

He looks tired. There are bags under his eyes, and his skin is unusually pale, almost sickly. He frowns in concentration as he reads, and Anakin traces the lines and wrinkles on his face. Obi-Wan has never looked old to Anakin. He's sort of ageless, looking just as effortlessly put together and handsome as he had years ago.

But right now, Obi-Wan does look his age. He seems weary . 

"Shouldn't the creche Masters be doing this?", Anakin blurts out, breaking the silence. 

Obi-Wan shrugs, his eyes not leaving the flimsi sheet in front of him.

"Well, yes, but I offered to help out. We're still a bit understaffed."

His tone is distracted and breezy, like it's not a big deal.

"So you're taking on extra work on top of your other full-time duties?", Anakin prods. He knows it's none of his business, but it doesn't sit right with him that Obi-Wan takes on so many responsibilities. 

"I don't mind", Obi-Wan says, shrugging again. "It's nice to see what the young ones are up to. If I can aid their learning in any way, I'm happy to."

A small smile plays on his lips, and Anakin is instantly fascinated by it. All Obi-Wan's smiles, even the minute ones, always make him feel warm and squirmy in a way he can't explain. Then, he's struck by this awful thought.

"Obi-Wan", he says, trying to sort out how to word his question.

"Mhm?", Obi-Wan replies distractedly through a sip of his tea.

"Why haven't you taken another padawan?"

The air shifts. Now, it's suddenly tenser than ever, and Anakin instantly regrets asking.

"You don't have to answer", he finally blurts out, trying to salvage anything . "I just wondered, since you're good at teaching."

Obi-Wan smiles in a strange way.

"I wouldn't say that", he says, in that casually self-deprecating way he does.

"You are", Anakin insists. "Not your fault I was a shit student."

Obi-Wan's smile falls.

"That's not true", he says, a furrow having appeared between his brows. "You were always an excellent student."

Anakin laughs. Obi-Wan has to be joking. Even Anakin knows what a terror he was. Still is, really.

"Right", he says sarcastically.

Obi-Wan frowns harder.

"I'm not saying you were an angel, Anakin", he huffs, "but you were always good at the actual learning . My teaching plans were always ruined because you ended up learning much faster than I anticipated. Eventually, I just gave up on the plans altogether."

A warm, smug sense of pride settles in Anakin's stomach, along with a rush of affection for Obi-Wan. 

"Thank you", he mumbles, unusually bashful. 

"As for why I haven't taken another Padawan…"

Obi-Wan trails off for a moment, lost in thought.

"I don't know", he finally says, averting his eyes. "Ahsoka was suggested, as you probably remember, but you were a better fit for her. And after that… I don't know."

Anakin studies Obi-Wan carefully. 

"Maybe you should train another one", he says, even though his heart revolts at the idea.

Obi-Wan smiles ruefully.

"Think I'm getting too old", he jokes, and Anakin gets the hint to let the matter drop. 

They continue their work in silence for about another half an hour before a big yawn startles out of Anakin. He hadn't felt tired before, all wired with emotion and a bit too much caf, but now he feels his eyes starting to droop and his limbs growing heavy.

"We should probably turn in", Obi-Wan says. 

Anakin has the childish urge to shake his head, to demand to stay up later. He's missed being around Obi-Wan.

But he manages to hold himself back, and nods.

"Probably", he echoes.

Obi-Wan starts tidying up the papers, putting the finished ones in a separate pile and shuffling them even. Anakin gets to his feet restlessly.

"I'll see you out", Obi-Wan says, and Anakin nods. 

He puts on his boots, and then suddenly he's standing outside Obi-Wan's quarters again, still no closer to ridding himself of the guilt he's been carrying.

"Thank you for paying me a visit", Obi-Wan says, and he almost sounds like he means it.

"Yeah, no problem", Anakin says, like he was the one doing Obi-Wan a favour here.

"Well, goodnight then", Obi-Wan smiles, and moves to close the door.

"Wait", Anakin blurts out.

He can't just leave. He's not a damned coward, never has been.

"I actually came to apologise", he says, words rushing out too fast.

Obi-Wan blinks in surprise.

"For everything I said over the comms", Anakin clarifies. "I didn't mean it. I was angry and lost and I didn't know how else to deal with it."

A weight is lifted from his shoulders just by saying it out loud.  Obi-Wan takes a second to respond.

"It's alright, Anakin", he says quietly, but it doesn't really sound like he means it entirely. Which is okay, of course. Anakin can't force him to forgive him, no matter how much he'd like to.

"You can be mad at me", Anakin says. But Obi-Wan shakes his head.

"I'm not mad", he says, and this time it does sound like he means it. "I just…"

He takes a second to find the right words.

"I'm sorry, too", he says. "That I haven't been there for you like I should've been."

That's something Anakin said, too, in that awful comm message. That Obi-Wan was a bad Master. That he was never there for Anakin. Now, it's Anakin's turn to shake his head.

"No, Obi-Wan, I didn't mean -"

"It's still true", Obi-Wan interrupts. "I have failed you too many times to count, Anakin. I've been a poor excuse for a Master and a terrible friend

Anakin tried to control the frustration building in his chest. Doesn't Obi-Wan hear him?

"That's not true!", he exclaims. Obi-Wan just sighs.

"That's sweet of you to say", he says, all resigned and tired. 

Anakin wants to protest more, wants to barge back into Obi-Wan's quarters and refuse to leave until Obi-Wan stops sounding sadly self-deprecating, but Obi-Wan cuts in before he can even form the words.

"You should go back to your quarters", he says. "We both need a good night's rest."

He gives Anakin a smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

"Goodnight, Anakin", he says, and then the door closes in Anakin's face before he can even get another word in.

—

"It's like he thinks I was right!" , Anakin exclaims the next day during his appointment. "Like he thinks everything is his fault and he's been a bad Master."

Dr. Luur nods thoughtfully.

"Maybe he does", he says. "To be fair, your words did come from somewhere, didn't they?"

Anakin frowns.

"What do you mean?", he asks.

"They came from real feelings of abandonment and hurt on your part. They're not objective truth, of course, but something had to happen for you to feel that way."

"I feel a lot of ways", Anakin points out, and Dr. Luur smiles.

"Most people do", he says. "What I'm saying is that maybe Obi-Wan also carries around guilt over how your relationship has ended up."

Anakin blinks. He hasn't considered that possibility.

"Okay, so how do I fix it?", he asks urgently. Dr. Luur has the audacity to shrug .

"Talk to him about it", he says, and Anakin almost laughs in his face. 

"That's not really something we do", he says.

"Maybe that needs to change", Dr. Luur retorts.

Easier said than done.

—

After the appointment, Anakin goes home to think. About his conversation with Obi-Wan yesterday, about what Dr. Luur said, about what he needs to do about it.

Obi-Wan thinks he was a bad Master. Why he thinks that, Anakin doesn't really know, unless it's because of what Anakin said to him before. But he apologised . He said he didn't mean it. So that can't be the only reason.

Maybe… Maybe he's judging his success as a Master on how Anakin turned out.

Anakin grimaces. Yeah, then he could see how Obi-Wan might think he'd been a bad Master. Maybe he's shouldering the responsibility for all Anakin's dumb mistakes. That honestly sounds like a very Obi-Wan thing to do.

Obi-Wan also seems to think he's been a bad friend, which… Okay, maybe that one carries some truth. He hadn't visited Anakin once in the Halls of Healing, after all. Still, he's not universally a bad friend. He has loads of friends that have stuck around for years. The problem isn't really that Obi-Wan is a bad friend, it's that Anakin's hard to love. 

Not that Obi-Wan loves him. That's kind of the point.

Anyway.

Knowing these two things about Obi-Wan, Anakin tries to come up with a plan. A plan to fix it . Dr. Luur suggested talking, but Anakin seriously wants to avoid that as much as possible. What he actually needs to do is:

One: Prove to Obi-Wan that he's well-adjusted and a good person to in turn prove that Obi-Wan's been a great Master.

Two: Spend time with Obi-Wan in order for him to realise Anakin thinks he's a good friend. In other words: take care of him.

Should be easy.

—

The first step is, of course, to get rid of this awkward tension between them. Anakin doesn't think he can just waltz back into Obi-Wan's life like nothing happened. It's going to take some time.

The first question is how to make that happen. Showing up unannounced in person like he did yesterday is probably not something he should make a habit of just yet. Still, he doesn't really think they're at the point of scheduling hangout time yet either. That leaves their comms channel as the most viable option.

Now, the second question is: what does he text? It has to be casual. Casual, but not too familiar. He doesn't want to seem desperate or anything. And it can't be boring, either. No stiff "hey, how are you today?".

He struggles for a while to come up with something, until his head hurts and he decides to quit for the day. The air in his quarters feels stifling, so for once, he ventures out into the Temple. He has his cloak pulled low over his face, but the people he passes clearly recognise him anyway.

Luckily, there don't seem to be that many people out and about today. Anakin can stroll through corridor after corridor and only run into one or two people.

Eventually, he feels a familiar lively warmth in the Force. He looks up and realises he's walked all the way to the Room of a Thousand Fountains. As a padawan, he'd hated that room, because visiting it usually meant meditating with Obi-Wan, which he hated.

Well, not the "with Obi-Wan" part, but the meditating. He always felt like he was about to spontaneously combust if he had to sit still one second longer. Now, though, he feels drawn into the room. Maybe he wants some peace of mind, or maybe he likes the reminder of him and Obi-Wan during simpler times.

He quietly slips inside. A wall of greenery and vibrant flowers and the sound of running water hits him instantly, and he feels his shoulders relax minutely.

There's a big tree in the centre of the room that Anakin immediately heads for. It was always Obi-Wan's favourite to meditate underneath. He takes a seat on the grass, only too late realising it's wet with dew. Still, he doesn't mind it too much.

He leans back against the trunk of the tree and just breathes . He's never been good at meditation, of clearing out his mind and not lingering on any particular thought. His head is always full of ideas and thoughts and feelings, and it's almost impossible to ever turn it off.

But at least he feels somewhat calm and at ease here, even if he'll never be the picture perfect serene Jedi he's supposed to be. He sits there for a while, turning over the Obi-Wan problem in his head half-heartedly, but still finding no perfect solution.

Then, suddenly the door slides open, and a familiar Force signature enters the room. It comes steadily closer and and closer, until-

"Anakin?"

Damn it.

Anakin slowly opens his eyes, trying to appear as if he's coming out of a deep meditation and didn't notice Obi-Wan come in.

"Sorry, did I wake you?", Obi-Wan asks, which probably means he looks more sleepy than anything.

"No, I was, uh… Meditating?" It ends up coming out more like a question.

"Really?" Obi-Wan sounds sceptical. "You never meditate."

That's when the idea strikes. This would be a perfect way to convince Obi-Wan he hasn't failed as a Master. If Anakin can convince him that he's finally taken up meditating and is all calm and collected, he'll show Obi-Wan that his teachings weren't for naught.

"Oh, I do it all the time now", he lies flippantly. "Finally get why it's so important now. Clearing your head and all that."

Obi-Wan raises a disbelieving eyebrow. 

"I see", he says, but he clearly doesn't believe a word Anakin is saying. Clearly, he's going to need more proof.

"You could join me", Anakin says, and then instantly curses himself. He isn't actually very good at meditating, and Obi-Wan will see through him immediately.

Obi-Wan looks genuinely surprised now. 

"You want me to…?"

Then, Anakin remembers another horrifying truth. When meditating together, they always do it with their backs pressed together. 

Touching.

It always used to help Anakin ground himself, but the idea of it now is far from grounding. His stomach erupts in nervous butterflies at the mere thought . But it would be even weirder to refuse to touch Obi-Wan. That might hurt his feelings, which is the last thing Anakin wants to do.

"If you want to", is what he replies, hoping Obi-Wan will politely decline. 

Obi-Wan is quiet for a moment. Then, he nods and smiles awkwardly.

"Sounds like a good idea", he says, and Anakin once again curses inwardly.

He shuffles to the side, leaving his back exposed instead of pressed up against the tree trunk. He feels Obi-Wan sit down behind him, and has to suppress a jolt when he feels their backs press together.

The contact is almost dizzying at first, which is when Anakin comes to the pathetic realization that no one has really touched him for at least a few weeks. Just this simple innocent touch gives him goosebumps and nervous butterflies in his stomach. 

He tries to regain his composure quickly, because Obi-Wan is way more likely to be able to feel his emotions this close to him.

"Ready?", he asks, thankfully managing to sound mostly normal.

"Ready", Obi-Wan says.

Anakin closes his eyes and tries to empty out his mind. He focuses on the warmth of Obi-Wan's back, on the point of connection between them.

Slowly, his thoughts grow a bit quieter. The constant chatter in the back of his brain is still present, but it mellows out just a bit.

He wonders what Obi-Wan is thinking. Back when Anakin was a Padawan, they'd still had a strong bond in the Force. Back then, Anakin could usually feel at least glimpses of Obi-Wan's emotions, even when he was trying to shield them.

Now, though, Anakin can't really feel anything. 

It's still sort of nice, though, if also pretty nerve-wracking. Tentatively, he lowers his own shields ever so slightly, hoping it'll prompt Obi-Wan to do the same. I t doesn't exactly have the desired effect, but Obi-Wan does seem to relax into Anakin more. Growing bolder, Anakin reaches out in the Force and gingerly sort of knocks on Obi-Wan's consciousness. 

Slowly, Obi-Wan's Force signature relaxes, too. Anakin keeps his own signature close but at a respectful distance. He doesn't want to be overwhelming or spook Obi-Wan.

"This is nice" he thinks, and then realises the thought didn't actually come from himself. He can't help the victory smile that creeps onto his face.

They sit like that for a while. Long enough that Anakin almost actually falls into a real meditative state. That, or he's just getting sleepy.  Eventually, Obi-Wan starts shifting, and he slowly pulls away from Anakin in the Force. Anakin shivers, and has to fight the urge to grip on tight and force Obi-Wan to stay. 

He opens his eyes, squinting just a bit as his eyes adjust to the light again. Then, he shuffles around, so he's facing Obi-Wan.  His former Master looks perfectly serene and peaceful. He's shifted to face Anakin, too, but his eyes are still closed, and a lock of hair is falling charmingly over his forehead.

Anakin has to will his heart to beat normally. Even more so when Obi-Wan opens his eyes and smiles at him.

"I can't remember the last time we did that", Obi-Wan says. "It's been too long, certainly."

"Yeah", Anakin says. "You always help me focus better."

He winces internally as soon as the words have left his mouth. Obi-Wan is supposed to think he doesn't need any help focusing.

But Obi-Wan looks strangely pleased. 

"I'm glad", he says. 

They part ways soon after that, but Anakin still feels like the interaction was a success.  He's broken the ice a bit more, and now he feels confident enough to move on to the next phase of his plan.

—

"What's all this?", Obi-Wan asks two days later, gesturing to his dinner table, which is full of food.

"I was bored", Anakin lies, suddenly wondering if maybe he's overstepped. He probably should've asked Obi-Wan before coming over unannounced and bringing dinner with him.

"You know the refectory serves dinner every day, right?", Obi-Wan continues, and now Anakin is sure he's overstepped.

Shit.

"Yeah, but they always do the same ten dishes over and over", Anakin argues, which is kind of true. 

Obi-Wan looks at him with that penetrating stare he has for a few moments, and Anakin can only hope his nervous sweating isn't too obvious.

Finally, he looks away, sighs, and shakes his head.

"You are a mystery", he says, but he doesn't sound mad.

"So, you'll eat it, then?", Anakin asks hopefully.

"Well, it is my favourite, after all", Obi-Wan says, giving Anakin another thoughtful look that Anakin steadily ignores.

"Great!", Anakin says. Crisis averted?

"Have a seat then, I suppose", Obi-Wan says, and Anakin blinks.

"Oh, I didn't, uh…", he starts, but then falters. He hadn't imagined they'd eat together, but in retrospect it's pretty embarrassing to admit he made food for Obi-Wan to just deliver and then leave.

Obi-Wan raises a questioning eyebrow, and Anakin quickly clears his throat and waves his own words away.

"Nothing", he says. "Let's eat."

They sit down to eat, and Anakin watches Obi-Wan intently as he takes his first bite.

"Is it good?", he asks hopefully. Obi-Wan smiles.

"Very", he replies, and Anakin's shoulders loosen up a bit. 

"Cool", he smiles.

Obi-Wan is a terrible cook. He usually lives on salads, which don't require any actual cooking, or he eats the Temple's bland refectory food. In contrast, Anakin's great at cooking. It's something he'd had to learn as a child, and he's always enjoyed feeding the people he loves good food. 

He'd chosen a recipe he knows Obi-Wan likes: grilled fish and steamed vegetables and a special sauce from Stewjon, Obi-Wan's home planet. The sauce is quite tricky to get right, and takes a while to get done. Obviously, Obi-Wan noticed the choice of dish, but he hopefully doesn't know quite how long it would've taken Anakin. Now that would really be embarrassing.

Anakin starts eating, too, but he can't really taste anything. The atmosphere isn't exactly tense , but it's not really relaxed and comfortable either.

"So, uh…", Anakin starts, racking his brain for something to say to break the weird silence. "You still grading papers?"

It's not the most exciting topic of conversation, but Obi-Wan politely answers.

"I am", he says mildly. "The creche masters are especially busy right now."

"Are they learning anything fun or is it just star charts?"

"Now, you know all aspects of a Youngling's education are equally important, Anakin", Obi-Wan tuts, but Anakin can see the secret smile in the corner of his mouth.

"I know you don't really believe that one bit", Anakin replies teasingly, and Obi-Wan finally gives him a full smile.

"No, maybe not", he admits. "Still, there's a point to boring work, too."

"Uh-huh", Anakin says, not especially convinced.

They keep chatting aimlessly, making light jokes and keeping everything civil. As the evening goes on, Anakin slowly starts feeling like the weird energy between them is fading.

Eventually, they finish their food, and it gets late. Anakin really doesn't want to go home to his own quarters, but he knows better than to outstay his welcome. Obi-Wan sees him to the door, always a gentleman. When he says goodbye, he touches Anakin's shoulder briefly.

The touch follows Anakin all the way back to his own room, and he sleeps better than he has in a long time that night.

—

Two days after that , Anakin is lying on his sofa, watching something mindless on the Holo. He's about to doze off when he hears the distinct sound of his front door opening. He blinks one eye open to find Obi-Wan standing in his hallway, with a look of bewilderment on his face.

"Obi-Wan?", Anakin calls. Even though Obi-Wan has Anakin's code, he always knocks anyway. 

Obi-Wan takes off his boots and enters the living room. 

"You cleaned my quarters", he says accusingly. Anakin tries to look innocent.

"Did I?", he says, and gives his best loth-doe eyes. 

Obi-Wan, who became immune to those eyes many years ago, crosses his arms. Anakin sighs.

"Technically" , he says, "your new cleaning droid cleaned your quarters."

Obi-Wan raises his signature eyebrow.

"And I assume you were the one who put the droid in my quarters", he says flatly.

"Thought he'd like it at your place", Anakin shrugs.

"I can clean my own quarters", Obi-Wan says, because of course he does. 

"Yeah, but so can Glen", he retorts.

"You named the cleaning droid Glen?"

Obi-Wan is looking at him like he's just grown a second head.

"It suits him!", Anakin defends somewhat hotly. He's grown kind of fond of Glen.

"Whatever", Obi-Wan mutters, waving him away. "The point is that I do not need a cleaning droid. Where did you even get it from?"

Anakin frowns. 

"I made him" , he says pointedly. If Obi-Wan has a flaw, it's his inability to see non-organics as worthwhile beings simply because they're not connected to the Force. In Anakin's opinion, there are lots of worthwhile things that have nothing to do with the stupid Force at all.

But that line of conversation is likely to end in an argument, and that's what he's trying not to do here.

"Why?", Obi-Wan asks, all exasperated.

"Got bored", Anakin lies.

"And you didn't think to clean your own quarters?" Obi-Wan gestures around Anakin's living room, which has random mechanical parts strewn across the floor and a general layer of dust over almost everything.

"Nah", Anakin shrugs. "No fun when it's my own place. Feels like a chore."

Obi-Wan stares at him for a long few moments, and Anakin has to keep himself from squirming under his gaze.

"You are a very strange person", he finally says flatly. 

Anakin grins.

—

He's careful not to overdo it. Obi-Wan has never been good at being taken care of, and if he realises what Anakin's doing, he'll make a whole big deal about it.

Just every other day, he does something . Like leaving snacks he knows Obi-Wan likes but won't go out of his way to get for himself on his kitchen counter. Gets a book he remembers Obi-Wan talking about wanting to read and casually "forgets" it on his caf table. Cooks for him every now and then.

He does his best to not bring too much attention to it, but he also wants Obi-Wan to know it's him doing it. It's a very fine line to walk, but Anakin's spent years refining his "managing Obi-Wan" skills, so he's doing a pretty good job.

Of course, Obi-Wan understands that something is different. He tries to bring it up, but Anakin is a slippery guy when he wants to be and has so far managed to distract from the topic. For a few weeks, he's happy with how his plan is turning out. They're less tense around each other. Obi-Wan smiles more, and Anakin tries to keep his heart from skipping a beat every time it happens.

Good things in Anakin's life usually don't last, though, and this is no exception.

—

He's still doing the stupid therapy sessions. He feels fine , and he keeps telling Dr. Luur that, but Luur always brushes him off and keeps their weekly schedule.

And fine . Maybe deep down he knows he still has a lot of work to do. That he has no idea what normal looks like, but he's pretty sure he's not it. But he gets by now. As soon as he fixes things with Obi-Wan, everything will be okay.

Luur doesn't seem to agree. He keeps wanting Anakin to talk about his childhood for some reason. Says that Anakin is "dealing with unprocessed trauma" or whatever.

Anyway, the point is that he prods. Anakin hates it.

Today, though, they're on the topic of Anakin's dreams.

"So, these dreams you're having", Dr. Luur is saying, "what happens in them?"

"I don't know", Anakin mumbles, hoping the subject will be dropped and knowing it definitely won't be.

"You don't remember?", Luur prods, and Anakin sighs.

"I don't wanna talk about it", he says, crossing his arms.

"Too bad", Luur says. "Talking about it is why we're here."

Anakin basically knew that's the answer he'd get, but he still feels the dread in his stomach grow stronger.

"Fine", he says, with as much false bravado as he can muster. "They're about… My mom."

It's technically not a lie.

"Shmi, correct?", Dr. Luur asks, and Anakin nods. 

They've talked about his mother before, when he stiffly explained how he'd grown up a slave before winding up in the order. It wasn't a pleasant time, but this conversation has the potential to be even worse.

"So, what happens with Shmi in your dreams?", Luur keeps asking.

Anakin has to force down the wave of nausea that hits him just from thinking about it.

"She dies", he croaks out. "I relive how she died."

Dr. Luur leans back in his chair, studying Anakin closely.

"How did she die?", he asks. "I don't believe you've ever mentioned it."

For good reason.

"She…" Another wave of nausea hits him, and he digs his nails into his palms to distract himself from it. Throwing up in front of his therapist is not how he'd like today to go.

"She was killed", he says, and even though years have passed at this point, saying it out loud sends a stabbing pain right through his chest.

Dr. Luur is quiet. He's waiting for Anakin to continue, but Anakin isn't even sure if he can.

"The sand people", he finally chokes. "They tortured her to death."

And again, he feels that old fury well up inside of him. They'd murdered his mother. His mother, who had never done anyone harm in her life. 

"I'm sorry for your loss", Dr Luur says, but Anakin can't really hear him. 

They're quiet for a few moments, before Luur finally speaks again.

"Is that all you see in your dreams?", he asks. Anakin takes a shuddering breath. Then shakes his head slowly.

"No", he admits. He could've just lied. He doesn't need to tell Luur anything, but a part of him aches to. 

The same part that made him tell Obi-Wan.  And look how that turned out.

Before, he'd glossed over that part of the fight between him and Obi-Wan. He'd told Luur that Obi-Wan left because of Padmé, and because of how close Anakin was to falling to Sidious' side, which was also true.

Now, though…

"I killed them", he says. "The sand people who killed my mother."

He can't look Luur in the eye when he says it. The ball of shame that makes up Anakin's soul pulses hot, worsening his nausea and making his limbs go numb.

"That's what I keep dreaming about", he says, in a half whisper. 

"Why do you think that is?"

Anakin snaps his head up in surprise. Of all the things he'd been expecting Luur to say, that wasn't it. 

"What do you mean, why?", he asks slowly.

"Is it because you regret it?", Luur asks calmly. "Or because you want to relive it?"

"Why would I want to relive it?", Anakin snaps, anger taking over his shame for a moment.

"I assume that's a no, then", Luur says.

"Why are you so calm?", Anakin questions. "I'm a murderer . It wasn't just the ones responsible. I killed them all ."

"I'm not here to judge you, Anakin", Luur says. "I'm not your friend, and I can't dictate your morals for you. I'm here to help you."

"But I-", Anakin starts, but Luur interrupts.

"I could tell you that most people would consider murder wrong, myself included", he says. "But you already know that. What I want to talk about is how you feel about it."

Anakin doesn't know what to say. He just sits there, blinking. 

"Why?", he finally manages to get out.

"Because I want to understand", Luur says.

Another silence.

"I wanted revenge", Anakin eventually whispers. "Or, I wasn't thinking. I was just… So angry."

Luur nods.

"They took her from me", Anakin continues, feeling that old anger rise to the surface again. "They didn't care. She was innocent, and they murdered her."

His voice is thick with emotion, tears stinging his eyes.

"And once I started, I couldn't…"

He falters, bile once again rising up in the back of his throat at the memory of it all. The feeling of slicing through flesh, the smell of it, the screams .

"And how did you feel after?"

Anakin flinches. He shuts his eyes tightly.

"I don't know", he chokes. "Horrible. Dirty ."

A breath.

"But I also… I thought they deserved it. All of them."

"Have you told anyone about this?", Luur asks.

"Padmé was there after", Anakin says. "I couldn't keep it from her. And then…"

He looks away, ashamed of the memory.

"Then Obi-Wan", he mumbles. 

"I see", Luur says. "Was that a part of the reason he cut off communications with you?"

Anakin nods.

"Thank you for telling me all of this, Anakin", Luur says, surprising Anakin again.

"Why would you thank me?" , he asks, incredulously. 

"You told me something that must be very difficult to talk about for many reasons", Luur says. "I am glad you trusted me enough to do so."

"But I'm a monster" , Anakin says. "I killed people. Innocent people. I almost Fell."

Dr. Luur hums.

"I won't pretend to understand the ways of the Force", he says. "But I know you're a powerful individual, Anakin. Sometimes, we abuse the power we're given. In wanting justice, wanting to change things, we lose ourselves in our power. You know what you did is wrong. There is no court that will prosecute you. You yourself have to decide how or if you will atone."

Anakin doesn't know what to say for a long while.

"I will", he finally says. 

"Good", Luur replies.

It's hard to tell if Anakin feels lighter or heavier after his admission. It's a relief to be able to talk freely, but at the same time, talking about it makes him think of and remember it, which he'd rather not do.

"So, is that all that you're dreaming about?", Luur asks after a brief pause.

Slowly, Anakin shakes his head.

"No", he says, but doesn't immediately elaborate further.

"What else?", Luur prods.

Anakin swallows around the memory of it.

"Obi-Wan", he says. "He's there, and he's…" He shudders. "He's horrified. Disgusted . He hates me."

That's when the stupid tears start.

He's not hyperventilating this time, but he still can't stop the tears pouring from his eyes and down his cheeks.  Shame burns in his chest. How pathetic is it that this is what gets to him most? Obi-Wan's face as he tells Anakin he's leaving, that this was the last straw.

"I see", Luur says, after giving Anakin a tissue. "Do you think that's true?"

"How could it not be?", Anakin sobs. He's glad that Dr. Luur doesn't try to comfort him, because he'd die of embarrassment, but he also would rather have that than having to keep answering his questions. 

"He seems fine with spending time with you", Luur points out, and Anakin snorts grossly.

"You don't know him", Anakin says, voice all wobbly and thin. "He would do anything out of duty and obligation. That's all I am to him."

A fresh set of tears startle out of him, and he buries his face in his hands miserably.

"That's something we will certainly talk more about", he hears Luur say, and Anakin's stomach plummets. That's about the one topic he never wants to talk more about ever .

"Right now, I want you to take a few deep breaths for me. You can let yourself feel sad, but try not to let it consume you."

Anakin nods stupidly, still shielding his face. 

"When you've calmed down a bit, I want to focus on some strategies for dealing with these dreams of yours", Luur continues.

The rest of the session is spent doing exactly that, to Anakin's dismay. Eventually, Anakin's tears subside. He takes the stupid deep breaths. 

Then, Luur starts suggesting such inane things as "sitting with his feelings" and even "talking to Obi-Wan about his dreams", which both sound like actual torture. Still, some other suggestions sound maybe slightly helpful.

By the end of it, Anakin feels so emotionally wrung-out and exhausted he doesn't even know how he gets back to his quarters.

—

He doesn't want to see Obi-Wan, or anyone else for that matter. All he wants to do is go to sleep until things are better. But Obi-Wan doesn't know that, of course. He doesn't even know what day of the week Anakin's sessions are.

So, when Anakin stumbles into his quarters, eyes rimmed red and gross snot-stains on his sleeves, there is Obi-Wan. He's on Anakin's sofa, and looks up with a smile as Anakin enters.

The smile disappears as soon as he sees the state Anakin is in. 

"What are you doing here?", Anakin asks, trying so hard to not immediately lash out. But he can hear how strained his voice sounds, and it's obvious that Obi-Wan picks up on it, too.

"I'm sorry I simply let myself in", Obi-Wan says, patronisingly gentle in a way that makes Anakin's pride recoil.

"That's fine", Anakin says tersely. "Did you need something?"

"Nothing in particular", Obi-Wan says. Then, he pauses for a moment, looking like he's weighing his options. Probably wondering if whatever he says next is going to set Anakin off. Like he's some damn child who needs to be coddled.

It makes him want to yell at Obi-Wan to leave, to go and never ever come back. To rage at him for walking on eggshells and treating Anakin like he's fragile or volatile. But that's exactly what he did before, and he's spent weeks trying to make up for it. 

Stupidly, he tries to picture what his therapist would tell him to do.

"Be honest about your needs", or some shit, probably. "Communicate."

Fine.

"I don't think I'll be good company right now", he says. "I'm having a shit fucking day, had a shit session, and I don't want to end up screaming at you for no reason."

Obi-Wan blinks at him.

"Is there anything I can do?", he says, because of course he does .

"No", Anakin says. "I just want to be alone."

Obi-Wan looks hesitant, and Anakin knows why. His blacker moods have always meant a higher risk of property damage and causing trouble.

It hurts, knowing that just like the Council, Obi-Wan doesn't fully trust him. 

But maybe he shouldn't . 

I'm a murderer, after all , Anakin's mind tells him. How could he ever trust me? How could he ever love me?

He ignores the voice in his head as best he can, and starts to tell Obi-Wan not to worry. Or, he thinks that's what he's going to say, at least. What comes out of his mouth might instead be incoherent screaming.

But Obi-Wan speaks first.

"If that's what you want, I'll leave", he says.

Instantly, the voice in his head switches gears.

See? He wants to leave. He doesn't trust you, but he realised he doesn't care what you do or what happens to you anyway. He wants you to run away and die in a ditch somewhere.

"I'm sorry", Anakin says, but Obi-Wan waves him off.

"Just rest", he says. Then, he's out the door, and Anakin collapses on the sofa as soon as the door closes behind him.

He doesn't even have the energy to get to his bed. His head is pounding, and all he wants to do is sleep.

He falls asleep quickly, but jolts awake again every twenty minutes or so because of those stupid dreams he keeps having. Dreams of Obi-Wan's disgusted face as he walks away from Anakin, leaving him forever. Finally, he manages to fall into a deeper, dreamless sleep, although he still wakes feeling just as tired as when he fell asleep.

His first thought after he wakes up is that he's probably managed to ruin all his progress. Obi-Wan probably just got reminded of what a volatile and unstable person Anakin is, and he'll have come to his senses. The fragile friendship he's managed to build back up is surely all gone now.

He wonders fleetingly if he should go see Obi-Wan. Try to explain what happened. But then, he dismisses that idea. What's the point, when Obi-Wan hates him? 

What's the point of anything , really?

He eats breakfast and showers on autopilot, because somewhere in the back of his head, he knows he'll feel so much worse if he doesn't.  After that, though, he sprawls himself out on his sofa listlessly, planning to spend the whole day wallowing.

He doesn't get the chance to, though.

About ten minutes after he laid down, his door chimes.

Anakin blinks at it in surprise.  He unlocks it with a flick of his wrist and calls out: "Come in!" The door swooshes open to reveal Obi-Wan .

Immediately, Anakin scrambles to sit up, running his hands through his hair to try and smooth it out. Shit . 

"Obi-Wan", he says in greeting. It comes out deeper and raspier than he was expecting, not having used his voice at all since yesterday.

"Hello, Anakin", Obi-Wan replies. He dutifully takes off his shoes at the door, before stepping into the living room.

"How are you feeling?", he asks.

"I'm fine", is Anakin's knee-jerk response. Obi-Wan gives him a slightly disbelieving look, and Anakin slumps his shoulders in resignation.

"Better than yesterday", he says, which is a truer statement.

"May I sit down?", Obi-Wan asks, gesturing to the space on the sofa next to Anakin.

"Sure", Anakin sighs. Obi-Wan sits down, and Anakin feels slightly like he's being led to the gallows.

"Do you want to talk about it?", Obi-Wan asks.

Despite himself, Anakin smiles.

"What do you think?", he asks, but Obi-Wan doesn't seem to find it funny.

"Let me rephrase", he says. "Can I ask you about it?"

Anakin's smile falls. He really doesn't want to talk about it. If he reminds Obi-Wan too much of how messed up he is, Obi-Wan will leave again. And Anakin has been working so hard for that not to happen.

Still, shutting Obi-Wan out entirely might also be a bad idea. He doesn't want Obi-Wan to think he doesn't trust him.

"I saw Dr Luur", he says, almost wincing in embarrassment at simply admitting it. "He sort of wanted me to talk about my dreams or something."

Obi-Wan's attention peaks, like Anakin knew it would.

"You're having nightmares again?", he asks, a deep furrow in his brow.

"Just normal ones", Anakin says, trying to play it off. "They're stupid, really."

He doesn't want to talk about them with Obi-Wan. He doesn't want to remind Obi-Wan of what a monster he is.

He clears his throat awkwardly.

"Anyway, so it didn't go great", he hastily continues, hoping to gloss over the exact content of his dreams. "I kind of cried." This time, he does wince in embarrassment. "I'd slept really shit and I was just in a bad mood, I don't know."

Obi-Wan nods thoughtfully.

"Thank you for telling me", he says.

Anakin looks away. Why is Obi-Wan thanking him? He should hate me. He shouldn't even speak to me.

"I'm sorry I basically bit your head off yesterday", Anakin says, trying to ignore his own thoughts. "It was just a bad day."

Anakin doesn't realise how he's nervously picking at the skin around his fingernails until a soothing hand lands on top of them, stilling his movements. He looks up at Obi-Wan, who still has that deep furrow between his eyebrows.

"It's alright, Anakin", he says. "I'm not upset with you."

A feeling of intense relief washes over Anakin. Maybe he hasn't ruined things again, then. Yeah, Obi-Wan probably should hate him, but if he doesn't, Anakin won't try to make him see reason.

"Okay", he says, only a little shakily.

—

After that, things are mostly okay again. Anakin still gets nightmares, but he's dealing with it fine. He's used to it, after all.  Dr. Luur wants him to talk to Obi-Wan about them, but there's no way that's happening anytime soon, so Anakin simply keeps up his routine of not-so-sneakily doing things for Obi-Wan instead.

One day, he enters Obi-Wan's quarters to drop off dinner. He's not expecting Obi-Wan to be home at noon, but he's caught red-handed. Obi-Wan's sitting on his sofa, with faint noise coming from a holoprojector in front of him.

He pauses whatever he's watching when Anakin comes in.

"Anakin", he sighs, which isn't a great sign. "One would think you didn't have your own quarters with how often you're in mine."

Anakin smiles sheepishly.

"Brought food?", he says hopefully. Obi-Wan sighs again, but waves Anakin off to put the tupperware in the conservator.

As soon as he's done that, his brain catches up with him, and he slowly turns back to Obi-Wan, narrowing his eyes.

"Are you watching holo?" , he asks, incredulous.

Obi-Wan never watches holo, except occasionally keeping up with the HoloNet News (as biased and propaganda-ridden as it is). He always told Anakin that it was all mindless and pointless and suggested reading instead. 

Obi-Wan doesn't even have the decency to look startled or embarrassed. He just shrugs.

"It appears I am", he says breezily. Anakin stares at him.

"Who are you, and what have you done with Obi-Wan Kenobi?", he says, only half joking. 

"Maybe I'm trying something new", Obi-Wan says, which is a deflection if Anakin's ever heard one. 

"What are we watching?", Anakin asks, joining Obi-Wan on the sofa.

Fascinatingly, Obi-Wan's ears go a bit pink, and he doesn't quite meet Anakin's eye.

"It's called Dark Romance ", he says, and Anakin instantly loses it.

"Oh my God, really?", he wheezes out between heaving laughter. 

Obi-Wan rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, clearly embarrassed now.

"As a matter of fact, I happen to be enjoying it", he says in the snootiest voice he has, which just makes Anakin laugh even harder.  It's a while before he manages to calm down. Wiping a tear from his eye, he gets out a last few chuckles.

"Well, go on then", he says, gesturing to the holoscreen. "Put it back on."

"If you're just going to interrupt it the whole time, I'd rather not", Obi-Wan huffs. 

"No, no, I promise I won't!"

Obi-Wan gives him a doubtful look, but he does unpause the movie.

Anakin smiles to himself and settles in more comfortably on the sofa.

—

"Well", Obi-Wan says about two hours later as the credits roll. "That was…"

"Stupid", Anakin finishes for him. 

"Quite", Obi-Wan sighs. 

"You said you enjoyed it before", Anakin points out, and Obi-Wan rolls his eyes.

"The first few minutes had potential", he insists. "But then, the director decided to throw all narrative structure out the window and have the main character end up with the entirely wrong man."

Anakin makes an outraged noise.

"What?", he exclaims, unable to believe his ears. "That was like, the only redeeming quality! You think she should've ended up with Pablo?"

"You really think Joey is the better choice?", Obi-Wan asks incredulously. "He's a crime boss , Anakin."

"Sure", Anakin admits, "but Pablo isn't exactly squeaky clean, either."

"Petty thievery and organised crime are hardly comparable", Obi-Wan says, which, okay, fair , but still .

"Joey treats Sariah right", Anakin says firmly.

Obi-Wan gives him a look . Then, suddenly, he starts laughing.

"What?", Anakin asks, suspicious that he's being made fun of.

"Nothing, nothing", Obi-Wan chuckles. "It's just… It's a silly thing to argue about, isn't it?"

Anakin's face splits into a smile, too. 

"Oh, for sure", he grins. 

There's a brief pause.

"But really, Pablo?"

—

Two days later, Anakin shows up at Obi-Wan's doorstep holding up a copy of Dark Romance 2: The Return of Pablo.

"Holofilm night?", he asks hopefully, and Obi-Wan agrees with a deeply put-upon sigh. 

—

A few days after that , Obi-Wan tells Anakin he's leaving on a mission. Something diplomatic, thankfully, so Anakin isn't too worried, but then again, Obi-Wan attracts trouble almost as much as Anakin himself. 

Anakin smiles and tells Obi-Wan not to worry about him, that he'll be fine without him for a week.

In reality, Anakin's not so sure. Obi-Wan grounds him, makes him want to make an effort, keeps him from simply rotting away in his quarters. What will Anakin do without him?

The first day, he doesn't leave his room at all except to eat and use the bathroom. He maybe sort of ends up wallowing dramatically. Obi-Wan abandoned him, after all.

Days two through four are slightly better. He has a session with his stupid therapist, who now has switched from wanting to discuss Anakin's dreams to talking about Obi-Wan again, which is both so much better and so much worse. Better, because Anakin likes talking about Obi-Wan. Worse, because Dr. Luur wants him to examine why he likes it so much. Why he likes Obi-Wan .

Which is, of course, a stupid question. You really only need to look at Obi-Wan to like him. He's a likeable guy. 

The last few days are spent watching more horrible movies and pacing his bedroom anxiously. He knows Obi-Wan is fine, because he's gotten a few quick messages over his comm from him. The mission seems pretty boring, and nothing even remotely dangerous seems to have happened. 

If Obi-Wan is to be believed, that is. Anakin would not put it past him to lie in order to not worry him. Or maybe, someone is sending those messages pretending to be Obi-Wan. Maybe he's been captured. Even Anakin can't really feel him through the Force at this great a distance. He can tell he's alive, but that's about it. 

So, the day when Obi-Wan is set to come home, Anakin is jittery and wired with anticipation. To his relief, he gets another message from Obi-Wan around noon, telling him he's beginning the journey back and that he'll return late.

He also specifically said that Anakin shouldn't wait up for him, but Anakin has never really been good at listening. 

Anyway, it's not like he's necessarily waiting for Obi-Wan. He doesn't really sleep well anyway, so he's usually up at odd hours of the night, tinkering with something to avoid the storm of thoughts and feelings in his head. The fact that he's in Obi-Wan's quarters instead of his own on the night Obi-Wan is supposed to return… Well, that's just a coincidence.

It's past midnight by the time he hears the apartment door swish open. He looks up from his perch on the sofa, and sees a very tired Obi-Wan standing in the doorway. 

"Hey", he says, and winces when Obi-Wan clearly startles.

"Force, Anakin, you scared me", he grumbles. "Why are you in my quarters?"

Anakin is glad for the low light, so Obi-Wan won't see the slight flush that rises to his cheeks.

"Your kettle was broken", he says. "Needed to fix it." It's true. The kettle really had been broken, and Anakin really had needed to fix it. Which he had done. 

Around five days ago.

Obi-Wan sighs.

"And you couldn't do that during the day?", he asks. Anakin shrugs. He feels slightly bad for intruding in Obi-Wan's space, but it is drowned out by the elation of Obi-Wan being back.

"You hungry?", he asks, getting to his feet and heading to the kitchen. "There's food in the conservator."

"I've already had dinner, but thank you", Obi-Wan says. He shuffles toward the sofa and sinks down on it with a groan.

"Tired?", Anakin asks, and Obi-Wan groans again.

"Very", he says, which is unlike him. Obi-Wan would usually rather die than admit he's not feeling well.

"Would you like some tea?"

Anakin smiles to himself as he sees Obi-Wan perk up slightly.

"Tea sounds like an excellent idea", he says, slowly starting to get to his feet.

"Nope, sit down", Anakin says firmly. " I'll make it for you."

Obi-Wan gives him a dubious look. 

"You don't know how to brew tea", he says, and Anakin scoffs.

"I've seen you do it a million times", he retorts. "And heard your rants about brewing times and water temperature almost as much. Think I got it."

It's proof of just how tired Obi-Wan must be that he doesn't argue further. He just slumps back in his seat, waving a hand dismissively.

"Fine", he says. "Go ahead."

Anakin grins triumphantly.

They exist in companionable silence for a while, as the newly fixed kettle starts heating up Obi-Wan's tea water. As it comes to temp, Anakin picks out Obi-Wan's favourite mug, and locates the tea strainer he gave to Obi-Wan for Life Day a few years ago. He carefully measures out the tea leaves of Obi-Wan's favourite tea and places them in the strainer. When the water is boiling, he slowly pours the water over the leaves and into the mug.

He counts the seconds until the tea has finished steeping, and then removes the strainer. Satisfied with his work, he gingerly brings the tea over to the sofa, where Obi-Wan is sitting with his eyes closed, looking like he's already asleep.

"Here you go", he says, placing the mug on one of the coasters on the caf table. Obi-Wan blinks his eyes open slowly, smiling appreciatively at the tea cup.

"Thank you", he says, picking up the mug and taking a careful sip. Anakin smirks smugly as Obi-Wan looks pleasantly surprised.

"See?", he says. "Told you I could do it."

"Yes, yes you're truly incredible at everything", Obi-Wan deadpans, but a small smile plays in the corners of his mouth. 

He sits down next to Obi-Wan, as close as he can without crowding him too much.

"How was the mission?", he asks. 

"Oh, you know how it goes", Obi-Wan sighs. "They talk a lot without saying much of anything."

Anakin lets out a surprised laugh.

"I thought you liked diplomatic missions", he says.

"When it's such obvious time wasting, even I get tired of it."

"Is that annoyance I hear?", Anakin teases. "From the Negotiator himself?"

Obi-Wan scoffs, and Anakin can practically feel him rolling his eyes.

"Har, har. I am human too, you know", he says.

"I've always had my doubts", Anakin replies.

"I think you'd certainly like me better as a droid", Obi-Wan jokes. "Considering you get along better with them than real people."

"Hey!", Anakin exclaims, feigning offence. "Droids are people. And I get along fine with humans!"

"Sure."

Anakin lasts about a second before he can't keep the grin off his face anymore. Force, he's missed Obi-Wan. A whole week without him has been torture.

Still smiling, Obi-Wan goes to take another sip off his tea when he suddenly hisses, almost dropping the cup in his lap.

"What's wrong?", Anakin asks, instantly on guard. 

"I'm fine, Anakin", Obi-Wan sighs. "My shoulder is a bit stiff, that's all."

"You should go see Master Che", Anakin says, somewhat accusingly.

"It'll pass on its own soon enough", Obi-Wan says, as stubborn as ever. "She has enough on her hands."

Anakin wants to argue further, but then he's struck by a genius idea.

"Do you want me to massage you?", he says, trying to sound as casual as he possibly can.

Obi-Wan blinks at him.

"You don't have to do that", he says, which isn't a no. So, Anakin sidles up behind Obi-Wan, motioning for him to put down his tea. Obi-Wan looks over his shoulder at Anakin with an unreadable expression, but eventually, he relents, putting his tea on the table and leaning back so that Anakin can reach him properly.

"Where does it hurt?", Anakin asks. 

"Sort of everywhere", Obi-Wan admits sheepishly. "But my right shoulder is the worst."

Anakin starts gently, just applying light but steady pressure. It's a bit tricky to do it over Obi-Wan's tunic, but he would die from embarrassment if he asked Obi-Wan to take it off, so he makes do.

His thumbs dig into the base of Obi-Wan's neck, and a small noise escapes Obi-Wan. Anakin nearly jumps at it, and lessens the pressure.

"Did I hurt you?", he asks, but Obi-Wan shakes his head.

"Not at all, dear", Obi-Wan says, and Anakin is suddenly glad they're not facing each other, because he feels his face grow warm at Obi-Wan calling him dear .

He keeps going, and Obi-Wan keeps occasionally letting out small sounds or sighs. When Anakin understands that they're noises of pleasure, not pain, his face grows even hotter. He kneads Obi-Wan's shoulders until they feel warm and the tense knots have gone away. Then, he continues for entirely selfish reasons.

He really had just wanted to make Obi-Wan feel better initially. But he'd forgotten how intoxicating it was to touch Obi-Wan, even in this fairly innocent way. His heart is beating fast in his chest, and his mouth is dry from nervousness.

After a while, the noises from Obi-Wan start to quiet down. At first Anakin thinks maybe he did something wrong, but then he realises what's really going on.

"Are you falling asleep?", he asks, amusement coloring his voice. 

Obi-Wan jolts underneath Anakin's hands.

"Hm?", he hums, seemingly trying to pretend he hadn't just dozed off.

"Alright, that's enough. You're going to bed", Anakin says firmly. He almost considers picking Obi-Wan up and carrying him to his bed, but even Anakin realises that might be crossing a bit of a boundary. 

"'M not very tired", Obi-Wan yawns.

"Uh huh. Come on, get up", Anakin replies, gently swatting Obi-Wan's back to get him moving.

"Alright, alright, I'll go", Obi-Wan says. He gets to his feet, swaying a little, and Anakin's quick to steady him with a hand on his lower back.

"Easy there, old man", he says. It's a testament to how tired Obi-Wan is that he doesn't slap Anakin's hand away. 

It might be entirely inappropriate of him, but Anakin relishes in the contact. He feels Obi-Wan's warmth even through his thick tunic, and the heat makes his head spin a little.

He leads Obi-Wan to the bedroom with his hand resting on Obi-Wan's back, and tries desperately to not let himself fantasise about other reasons he and Obi-Wan might be walking to his bedroom together.

It's obvious how exhausted Obi-Wan is from the way he moves. He crawls under his covers haphazardly, and Anakin can't fight the impulse to tuck him in a little bit.

"I am a grown man, you know", Obi-Wan jokes. His smile is a little tight, and Anakin sighs inwardly.

Obi-Wan has never exactly been good at accepting help, especially from Anakin. And especially not like this , when neither is in any mortal danger.

"Just let me take care of you", Anakin says, and then realises he might've said too much.

Obi-Wan's previously tired and dull eyes sharpen.

"Wait…", he says slowly, and Anakin's heart sinks. He'd hoped they'd be able to avoid actually talking about it forever.

"Is that what you've been doing?", Obi-Wan asks, almost incredulously. "With all the… favours? Trying to take care of me?"

"Don't be mad", Anakin says, but it's seemingly a losing battle. Obi-Wan's brows are furrowed, and he's pursing his lips in that way he does when he's pissed.

"I'm not mad", he says, which is clearly a lie. "Just… concerned."

Anakin blinks. Concerned?

"What?", he asks dumbly.

"Maybe it's best we speak about this in the morning", Obi-Wan sighs.

"Uh. Okay?"

Obi-Wan gives another one of his tight smiles, and wishes Anakin goodnight. Anakin leaves the bedroom and Obi-Wan's quarters, and heads back to his own place, wondering what in the Galaxy just happened.

—

Anakin fully expects Obi-Wan to make good on his promise of talking in the morning. So, when he wakes up, he starts planning his day of staying as far away from Obi-Wan as possible.

He doesn't get very far, though, before his comm chimes. He glances at it, and then does a double take.

It's from the Council. They're requesting his presence in the Councilroom in an hour for an unspecified reason.

Uh oh.

Of course, he starts to panic. When Obi-Wan said they'd "talk" in the morning, Anakin had assumed it would be just between the two of them, not in front of the Council . 

He hasn't even done anything! Why does Anakin doing a few nice things for Obi-Wan land him in trouble with the Council?

Unless…

Unless Obi-Wan knows . Unless he figured out why Anakin is doing those nice things. Why his hands lingered on Obi-Wan's shoulders last night. Knows what sort of things were running through his mind.

Shit.

That would be a reason to bring Anakin in front of the Council. He'd already long broken up with Padmé before they'd found out about it, but this is a very current attachment.

He spends the hour pacing his living room, spiralling further and further into worst case scenarios and panic. What if he finally got kicked out of the Order? What if Obi-Wan never spoke to him again? When he finally stands in front of the Councilroom, he feels sick to his stomach and his face is all flushed and sweaty with nervousness.

But he's no coward. He knocks firmly on the door, and hears a muffled call to enter.

During the war, the Councilroom was always pretty sparsely populated. Most of the council members were present through holo calls, and almost half of them were always absent at any given moment. Now, though, all members are in their respective seats, and all are physically present. Anakin strides forward into the room, trying to mask his nervousness by walking as proudly and confidently as possible. 

Standing before the Council is always an unpleasant experience for Anakin. Even he will readily admit that he has some problems with authority, and the way they sit in a circle around him makes him feel like a cornered animal.

He comes to a stop in the middle of the room and waits to be addressed.

"Welcome, you are", Yoda says, his gimer stick posed in front of him in what seemed to Anakin like a very serious and grim way.

Anakin nods in greeting but remains silent. He's trying to decide whether to look over at Obi-Wan or if he should avoid it.

"I'm sure you're wondering why we've called you", Windu says. Anakin nods again. Windu leans back slightly in his chair, looking at Anakin in that sort of appraising or judging look he always has. And just like always, it makes Anakin's hair stand on end and his blood start to boil.

"We've heard about a significant change in your behaviour from Master Kenobi" Mace continues, and the blood that was just boiling now freezes in Anakin's veins.

Now, his eyes can't help but seek Obi-Wan out. He sits on his chair to the left of Yoda, legs crossed in their usual position. His face is impassive, giving no indication of what he's thinking to Anakin.

"You have?", Anakin asks nervously. 

He just knows what's coming next. They're gonna air out all his shameful feelings, humiliate him, and then kick him out of the Order without a second thought. Some of them have never trusted him, and almost half were in favour of kicking him out after everything he'd done came out. If they found out what he feels for Obi-Wan, too… It's surely the last straw.

Suddenly, there's a strange sort of cackling noise. It takes Anakin a second to realise it's coming from Yoda.

"Look so worried, you should not", he chortles. "In trouble, you are not."

Anakin feels his face flush in embarrassment.

"Then what?", he all but snaps.

"You seem to be doing better, Anakin", Plo Koon cuts in, in his kindly way. "Master Kenobi says so, at least, and merely looking at you, I believe he's right. What do you say?"

Anakin blinks. This was definitely not what he'd been expecting.

"I'm alright, I guess?", he says slowly. His eyes keep darting between Obi-Wan and the rest of the Council, wondering if this is some kind of test.

"Master Kenobi says you are more in control of the Force again. And Dr. Luur tells us you're actively participating in your sessions."

Anakin's hackles rise immediately, and Plo Koon must notice, because he adds: "Although he hasn't told us anything under patient confidentiality, of course."

Anakin lets out a shaky, relieved breath. If everything he talked about with Dr. Luur made its way to the Council… He shudders just thinking about it.

"I feel better, I suppose", he says, still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Surely, the Council didn't just call him for a chat about his mental health?

"Good", Mace Windu says. "Then, the conditions we agreed to for you to remain at the Temple have been renegotiated as a result."

Anakin's stomach drops.

So, they really are kicking him out. They were just waiting until he wouldn't cause too much of a scene, until he was just sane enough to be thrown out.

"I understand", he says, because what else can he say? It's not like he doesn't understand their decision.

"I don't think you do, young one", Plo Koon says mildly. "We are saying that you are no longer under any restrictions from the Council. You can fly our ships again, and we will no longer monitor your communications channel."

Again, Anakin just blinks.

"Oh", he says. 

"As for returning to active duty", Mace continues, "we feel that you need more time."

"But you should not see it as a punishment, young one", Plo Koon adds.

"Right", Anakin says dazedly. The relief at being allowed to stay is so overwhelming that he forgets to be happy at the news he's given. 

"We're happy you're doing better", Plo Koon says, and all the other Council members nod or hum in agreement.

Then, for a moment, Anakin sees the Council in a different light. He realises they've been trying to help him all this time, even though maybe none of them really knew how to. He'd always felt like they were judging him, comparing him to their own ideas about what the Chosen One should be like, and never accepting him as one of their own.

But now, he gets the sense that maybe he's been judging them unfairly, too.

A strong sense of gratitude wells up inside him for them. 

"Thank you, Masters", he says, trying to keep his voice steady even though he's sort of fighting back tears a bit. "For this, and for not giving up on me in the first place."

Mace's face seems to soften just a little bit.

"Just make sure we won't have to regret it", he says, but the undertone of it carries warmth.

Anakin nods.

"I won't", he promises.

He bows before retreating out of the Councilroom and closing the doors behind him. Then, he sinks back against the doors with a relieved sigh.

Not kicked out yet.

—

He paces around Obi-Wan's quarters as he waits for him to return. He knows Obi-Wan will still want to talk, probably about something serious or emotional.

That will have to wait, because now that the shock has worn off, all Anakin can think about is that he's allowed to fly again . Ever since he was a little kid, flying has been his way of relaxing, of taking his mind off things. In the air, all his problems always seem further away. 

A part of him wants to just take off right now, but an even bigger part of him wants to wait for Obi-Wan to join him. It takes almost an hour of pacing before Obi-Wan shows up. He smiles when he sees Anakin, like he knew Anakin would be waiting for him.

His body moves before he can think about what he's doing. He strides towards Obi-Wan and pulls him into a tight embrace.

"Thank you", he says, voice muffled against Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Seriously, thank you."

A warm pair of hands come to rest on Anakin's back as Obi-Wan gently returns the hug.

"You're welcome", he says, and Anakin almost shivers at how he can feel Obi-Wan's voice vibrating in his chest.

Reluctantly, he lets go, not wanting to make it weird. 

"So, when are we leaving?", he asks excitedly. "And what ship can I take?"

"I'm afraid I have work to do for the rest of the day", Obi-Wan says apologetically. "But later this evening, perhaps?"

Anakin grins.

"Perfect", he says.

—

A few hours later, he and Obi-Wan are in the Temple's hangar. Anakin's picked out a ship (a two-seater starfighter, because if he's going to fly, he wants to go fast ) and is currently running his hand over her hull, admiring how shiny someone has polished her. 

He takes a deep breath, head swimming with anticipation. Obi-Wan comes up to stand right beside him. He places a calming hand on Anakin's shoulder.

"Nervous?", he asks, and Anakin can't help but scoff.

"Why would I be nervous?", he asks. The idea of it is ridiculous. He feels more at home in the sky than he does on the ground.

Obi-Wan shrugs.

"It's been a while since you piloted a ship. It would be reasonable to be nervous."

"Well, I'm not", Anakin replies.

"Alright. After you."

They climb into the cockpit, and Anakin trails his hands over the familiar controls, feeling a calm wash over him. This he can do.

He runs through his preflight checklist quickly, itching to get up in the air.

"Now, please, be careful", Obi-Wan says sternly, as Anakin turns the ignition and gets ready to go. "I don't need a heart attack from your reckless flying."

Anakin grins.

"Don't worry, Master", he says, placing his hands on the yoke and pulling the ship up to hover above the ground slightly. "I know CPR."

Then, he thrusts the yoke forward hard , and they're thrown back in their seats as the ship accelerates eyeblinkingly fast. In a few seconds they're zooming through the Coruscant skies, leaving the Temple behind them. They go above the traffic lanes and up into the higher atmosphere at breakneck speed, and Anakin can't help the giddy laugh that bursts out of him.

"Whohoo!", he shouts, feeling a rare uncomplicated happiness bubble up inside him.

"Please, slow down , or you're going to get us killed!"

Obi-Wan's voice sounds strangled and panicked, and one look over to him confirms it. He's holding onto the safety handle on the ceiling, his knuckles turning white with how hard he's gripping it.

"Who's nervous now, Master?", Anakin laughs, easily maneuvering the ship into a loop that turns into them spinning through the air.

"I should've never agreed to this!", Obi-Wan gasps, shutting his eyes tight.

Finally, Anakin feels a little bad.

"Oh, calm down, old man", he says, gently pulling back on the yoke and righting the ship. "See, I'm slowing down."

Obi-Wan opens his eyes and gives Anakin the dirtiest glare he has.

"You're an absolute maniac", he says flatly, and Anakin can't help but laugh again.

"Maybe, but you're the one who agreed to be in a ship with me, so who's the real maniac?"

Obi-Wan snorts.

"Touché."

Anakin flies aimlessly for a long while, just enjoying the feeling of being up in the air. The sun sets over the horizon in a beautiful display of pinks and oranges, and it's the happiest Anakin's felt in who knows how long. Eventually, when the stars are starting to come out, he finally starts heading where he wants to go. 

After about ten minutes, he spots their destination, and he gets ready to land. He sets the ship down gently on a rooftop one building over from where they're going.

"What are we doing here?", Obi-Wan asks, somewhat suspiciously. "And are you sure this parking is legal?"

Anakin waves him off with a smile.

"It's fine", he says. "Used to come here all the time as a padawan."

"And where exactly is here?" , Obi-Wan asks, even more suspiciously.

"You'll see", Anakin replies.

They get out of the cockpit, and Anakin brings out the small case he'd sneaked onboard without Obi-Wan noticing earlier.

"What's that?", Obi-Wan asks, and Anakin shakes his head.

"So impatient, Master", he teases. "I told you, you'll see."

He leads a very hesitant Obi-Wan to the edge of the roof. Another, taller building rises right next to it, only a few meters away. There's a fire escape winding up the facade all the way to the top.

Anakin looks at Obi-Wan and grins.

"No", Obi-Wan says firmly, clearly already understanding what Anakin wants them to do.

"Come on , Obi-Wan! It'll be worth it, I promise!"

"You want us to jump over onto a building that's probably many kilometers from the ground? And you won't even tell me why?"

Obi-Wan sounds exactly as incredulous as Anakin knew he would.

"I don't want to spoil the surprise", he reasons, giving his best loth-puppy eyes.

Obi-Wan is silent for a few long moments, giving Anakin an incredibly unimpressed look. But then, he slumps his shoulders and sighs in defeat.

"Fine", he says. "Force knows I let you have your way too often, but fine."

"Wizard", Anakin grins. Then, without warning, he leaps off the roof and across to the fire escape. The Force propels him forward with ease, and he lands gracefully. 

Obi-Wan follows a few seconds later. His landing is alright, but he does stumble into Anakin just a bit from the force of his leap.

"Easy", Anakin says, steadying Obi-Wan with a hand on his shoulder.

"Alright, we're here", Obi-Wan says. "Now what?"

"We climb", Anakin says.

"All the way?", Obi-Wan asks. "I'm not as young as I once was, Anakin."

"Scared your knees will give out?", Anakin needles, relishing in the familiar irritated twitch in Obi-Wan's brow. "Don't worry, Master, I can carry you."

"Dream on", Obi-Wan huffs, and strides past Anakin to begin climbing up the stairs. 

They keep bickering as they climb, even as they both get a bit out of breath. Finally, they reach the last staircase heading up to the roof.

Anakin pushes away the burn in his thighs and runs up the last few steps. He climbs up the very last one, and at last, he's made it.

The rooftop is just as he remembers, in that it doesn't really look like a rooftop at all. There's real grass covering the surface that Anakin longs to bury his bare feet in. Rows and rows of flowers of all shapes and sizes are planted in neat little flowerbeds that give off a pleasant scent. In the far right corner from where they're standing, there's even a decently sized tree.

Anakin hears Obi-Wan reach the top behind him, and he excitedly turns to see his reaction.

Obi-Wan's eyes are lit up and sparkling a bit in the moonlight, and Anakin can't help but find him captivating to look at. 

"This is quite something", Obi-Wan says, stepping further into the garden. "How did you ever find it?"

Anakin smiles sheepishly.

"It was an accident", he says. "I think I'd gotten into a fight or something, and I took a ship and flew off to clear my head. Then, I spotted this green roof, so I went to investigate."

Obi-Wan gives him a look.

"Are we currently trespassing?", he asks.

"Define trespassing?", Anakin grins. 

"Anakin."

"It's fine", he says, waving off Obi-Wan's concern. "I've been here a million times, and I've never been caught.

Obi-Wan sighs.

"Just because you don't get caught doesn't mean you're not still breaking the law", he says. 

"Relax, Obi-Wan! Just enjoy the flowers, would you?", Anakin says. 

He takes off his boots, smiling at the feeling of his bare feet on the grass, and walks further into the garden. There's something about the juxtaposition between this little piece of nature right in the middle of metropolitan Coruscant that really puts Anakin strangely at ease. 

He finds a good spot to sit down on, and then opens the case in his hands. He gets out the quilt he'd brought to sit on, and then gets out the two handheld telescopes.

"Stargazing? Is that what we're doing?", Obi-Wan asks, coming up behind Anakin and peering curiously over his shoulder.

"Yep", Anakin says, suddenly feeling self-conscious. It's silly of him, wasn't it? Obi-Wan has seen the stars before. He's been amongst them, just like Anakin has. 

But Obi-Wan smiles and sits down next to Anakin on the quilt.

"Sounds like an excellent idea", he says, and Anakin's self-consciousness melts away. 

He gives one of the telescopes to Obi-Wan, and takes the other for himself. They lay down on the quilt, and Anakin has to remember to breathe when Obi-Wan's shoulder presses up against his own. It's an innocent touch, but it makes Anakin's whole body heat up and his palms clammy. 

Obi-Wan unfolds his telescope and puts it to his eye. It gives Anakin the perfect opportunity to study his face for a while, just drinking it in.  Obi-Wan is the kind of person who just sort of gets better-looking as he ages. His wrinkles make him look wise, not old, and the greying at his temples just enhances the distinguished air he has.

Half of the things Anakin loves about Obi-Wan's face, he loves because he knows Obi-Wan, though. Like how his beard is always perfectly trimmed, because Obi-Wan is just a slight neat freak when it comes to specific things.  Or the light almost invisible scar on his forehead that's usually hidden by his hair. He got it from taking a rock to the head during Anakin's padawan years, protecting him from some strange creature on some strange planet.  Or the crow's feet fanning across the skin at the corners of his eyes, because they're proof of Obi-Wan smiling and laughing, often at something Anakin's done or said.

And then his eyes are…

His eyes are looking right back at Anakin with a questioning gaze.

"Aren't you going to use your telescope, too?", he asks, and Anakin remembers that's what they're here for. 

"Oh, sorry, yeah", Anakin babbles. He quickly fumbles to unfold his telescope and puts it to his eye, cheeks flaming at having been caught staring.

Soon, though, he forgets his embarrassment, because the sight of the stars takes his breath away.

"Whoa", he can't help but utter, even though he's seen it a million times and knows the constellations by heart.

"Seconded", Obi-Wan says, and Anakin hears the smile in his voice.

They lay in companionable silence for a while, simply taking in the view.

"You know, when I first came to the Temple, it was so strange to me that the stars were different", Anakin finally says absentmindedly.

"Different?", Obi-Wan prompts.

"That the constellations are different, I mean. I knew they would be, I guess, but still."

Obi-Wan hums thoughtfully. 

"I'm afraid I'm not very knowledgeable about Tatooine's constellations", he says. "What were they called?"

Anakin sets the telescope down on his sternum as he ponders the question.

"Can't really remember most of the names", he says. "Think most of them were animals. Like the krayt dragon, for example."

"Krayt dragon?"

"Big scary reptile", Anakin explains. "Some people thought they had magic or something like that."

He pauses, his mind drifting far off to the past. He remembers the stories his mom used to tell him about the dragons as a child, and his heart suddenly aches with longing.

He must've projected something into the Force, because suddenly there's a gentle hand on his arm, pulling him back into the present.

"Anakin? Are you alright?" 

Anakin turns to look at Obi-Wan, who's now also set aside his telescope and is watching him with eyes full of concern.

"I-Yeah, no, I'm fine", he stutters. "Just thinking about something my mom used to tell me."

Obi-Wan's face softens, and he squeezes Anakin's arm empathetically.

"I'm sorry if I brought up painful memories for you", he says. Anakin shakes his head.

"No, it's okay", he says quickly. "It's not a bad memory."

He pauses for a moment, unsure if he feels like sharing. Finally, he decides he does.

"It was a common bedtime story where I grew up", he begins. "The first krayt dragon, Sur'An, had wings. He loved the Sun more than anything, and would always try to fly higher to reach her.

"But the Sun never felt the same. She thought he was arrogant and greedy, and she always ran away from him, which is where the day and night come from. 

"Sur'An grew bitter and hateful, and one day his anger consumed him so much that he finally managed to catch up to the Sun. His rage split her in two, but he flew too close and his wings burned up. Still, his twisted love never faded, and he kept chasing the Suns, keeping the balance of night and day.

"That's why Tatooine has two suns, and why krayt dragons can no longer fly."

Obi-Wan hums thoughtfully.

"What an interesting story", he says. 

"Tragic, more like", Anakin mutters.

"I suppose", Obi-Wan replies breezily. 

They lie in silence for a bit, both looking up at the stars without the aid of their telescopes. It's nice, Anakin thinks. To just be . He finds himself wishing he could have moments like this everyday, with Obi-Wan laying next to him.

The thought brings a sudden flush to his cheeks as he realises the implications of his own thoughts. Still, once it's entered his mind, the idea won't leave. The thought of waking up next to Obi-Wan, having slept in the same bed. Eating their meals together in their shared quarters. Domesticity .

The realisation that he's in love with Obi-Wan isn't really a realisation. He's known . For years, probably. But knowing it and accepting it are very different things. He'd loved Padmé, of course he had. He would've done anything for her. But no one would ever be like Obi-Wan. 

He's been pushing down these feelings for so long that he doesn't quite know what to do with them. They're dangerous territory.

But now, with Obi-Wan so close, breathing in his scent and feeling the warmth of his body from where their arms are pressed together, it's hard to think about anything else. Everything he's been repressing comes bubbling to the surface, and it's all he can do to not let anything slip through his mental shields.

Obi-Wan thankfully seems oblivious to his inner turmoil.

"These krayt dragons", he starts, breaking the easy silence. "Are they common on Tatooine?"

Anakin smiles to himself. As much as he tries to hide it, Obi-Wan is really just a giant nerd, always looking for more knowledge.

"No one really knows how many are left", he replies. "They were hunted for their magical properties until everyone thought they were extinct. There were one or two sightings near Mos Espa when I was a kid, but they were never confirmed. Never seen one myself."

Obi-Wan hums again.

"And the story?", he asks.

"What about it?"

"What do you think it means?"

Anakin pauses for a second, daring a glance over at Obi-Wan, who's already looking back at him.

"What do you mean?", he asks. "It's just a story."

Obi-Wan smiles.

"A story is never just a story, Anakin", he says. "There's always a bigger lesson to be learned."

Anakin huffs, annoyed at how Obi-Wan still treats him like a padawan even after all this time.

"The lesson is that falling in love with the Sun is stupid", he deadpans, and Obi-Wan laughs.

Then, he's quiet for a long while. Anakin can tell he's thinking about something, but he doesn't know what. He has no idea what about this bedtime story is important to Obi-Wan.

Finally, Obi-Wan speaks up again.

"But was it really love?", he asks quietly. "Or obsession and possessiveness?"

Anakin's stomach sinks. Ah. So this is a lecture , then.

"Of course it was love", he says, mostly to be contrarian. "Why else would he chase her day after day, even after she burned his wings off?"

"Is not real love being able to let go?", Obi-Wan asks rhetorically. "If you know you're hurting your beloved, how can you keep pursuing them when you know it does more harm than good?"

"Well, maybe he didn't know!", Anakin exclaims, feeling more and more like this isn't really about the story. "Maybe if she hadn't run from him, he wouldn't have felt so angry."

"That sounds like you're blaming the Sun for how the story ended", Obi-Wan says mildly. Anakin feels a surge of anger pulse through him. Why was Obi-Wan always so calm and collected and Anakin was always left looking like an overly emotional fool?

He's about to hotly protest Obi-Wan's accusation, but at the last second, he remembers what he's promised himself. To be better, less angry, less confrontational. To be kind to Obi-Wan. With what feels like enormous effort, he takes a deep breath and actually tries to think about what Obi-Wan just said.

"Maybe I am", he finally admits. "I just think she could've talked to him. Not just run away."

"Did she owe him that, do you think?", Obi-Wan asks.

"I don't know!", Anakin snaps, his control over his emotions wavering. "It's just a story!"

Obi-Wan falls silent, and Anakin immediately feels guilty. 

"Sorry", he mutters. "I just mean I never thought about it much."

Obi-Wan hums.

"Perhaps you have a point", he says, and Anakin blinks in surprise.

"I do?", he asks. 

"But consider that maybe, the Sun wasn't infallible. What if she also loved Sur'An, but was scared of his anger. Maybe she just didn't know how to do anything but run away, just like Sur'An didn't know how to love her without destroying her."

Now Anakin knows they're not talking about the story anymore.

"If she really loved him, she wouldn't have run away from him", he says, but he's not sure if he really believes that.

"Maybe she thought she was protecting them both."

"Is that what you thought?", Anakin asks, growing tired of speaking in metaphors. "When you left me?"

He sees the words hit Obi-Wan, sees how they hurt him, but he can't bring himself to take them back. He needs to hear what Obi-Wan has to say.

"I… Maybe", Obi-Wan says, after a long pause. "I'm not infallible, either."

The silence that falls is tense. Anakin doesn't really know what to say to break it.  He thought he didn't blame Obi-Wan anymore, that he wasn't hurt and angry, but now it's clear he still is. And he doesn't want to be. He just…

"I know that", Anakin finally says quietly. "I just didn't… I thought you left because you hated me."

He feels Obi-Wan turn to look at him, but he resolutely stares up at the sky. 

"I never hated you, Anakin", Obi-Wan says, and Anakin hates how his eyes start to burn. 

He doesn't know what to say, so he stays quiet, willing his tears not to fall.

"I was afraid", Obi-Wan continues, and Anakin both desperately wants to tell him to shut up and to hear everything he wants to say.

"Of me?", Anakin asks, his voice cracking shamefully.

"No, no." Obi-Wan sounds slightly panicked now, which would almost be funny if it wasn't so embarrassing. 

"I was afraid I would only make things worse for you", he says. "And maybe…"

He trails off, like he's unsure Anakin can really handle what he was about to say.

"What?", Anakin asks, and Obi-Wan sighs.

"Maybe I was also afraid of facing you", he says quietly. "Knowing I'd already failed you so much. I thought you hated me . You said as much."

They lie in silence for a bit again.

"I think I probably did, for a while", Anakin finally says. 

He would give anything for that not to be true. To be able to truthfully say that he'd never blamed Obi-Wan or felt any hatred towards him. But that would be a lie, and he doesn't want to lie anymore.

"But I sort of hated everything", he continues. "Myself, the Order, the Republic. Padmé. I… It was easy, I think, to blame you for everything."

The truth is awful. It makes his skin crawl to admit it out loud. That he was so blinded by his anger he blamed Obi-Wan for all the ways his life had gone wrong. 

"But I don't anymore", he says, and now his voice doesn't shake, because Obi-Wan needs to understand. "I know what I was like, and I know you only ever tried your best."

He always used to put Obi-Wan on a pedestal, is what Anakin's realised. He was the greatest Jedi, his best friend, and a man he loved so desperately it hurt sometimes. But Obi-Wan was only ever human. He made mistakes, just like Anakin did. Except in Anakin's mind, Obi-Wan could do no wrong, so his actions had to be deliberate. If he hurt Anakin, it had to have been on purpose. 

It made his love twist and turn sour, just like Sur'An's had. There was still so much of the love, but the hate creeped in, too. 

He can't explain all of that to Obi-Wan, though.

"I don't hate you now, Obi-Wan", is what he settles on, because it's what's most important. "I don't blame you for anything, not really. It hurt, it still hurts when I think about how you left, but I understand."

It's hard to know if he means what he says a hundred percent, but he wants it to be true. He doesn't want this irrational hate inside him anymore.

He takes a deep breath, steeling himself for what he's about to say.

"I wanted you to forgive me", he says. "For… For all of it. For what I did to the Tuskens. Everything. I couldn't forgive myself, so I wanted you to do it for me."

It's the first time he's mentioned the Tuskens since he'd first told Obi-Wan about it. Luur kept telling him to talk to Obi-Wan about it, but it has felt impossible. Almost like Anakin's managed to trick Obi-Wan into forgetting, and if he brought it up again, the fragile relationship they'd built back up would collapse.

"I'm sorry for that", he continues. "I'm sorry for… Everything."

Suddenly, there are tears rolling down the sides of his face, and his breath catches and hitches in his throat. He sits up, hiding his face in his hands.

"Oh, Anakin", Obi-Wan says, which just makes Anakin cry harder. Gentle hands start stroking his back, easing his head into a comforting embrace. Anakin buries his face against Obi-Wan's shoulder, instantly wetting the fabric with his tears.

"I'm sorry", he warbles, and Obi-Wan shushes him.

"I know, my dear", Obi-Wan says. "I'm here." It's not forgiveness, because Obi-Wan can't give that to him. The people he's slaughtered are the ones he should ask for forgiveness, not Obi-Wan. Still, Obi-Wan's soothing words are a balm on his very soul, healing something within him that he thought was irreparably broken. 

Obi-Wan is here. Despite everything Anakin's done, he's still here by Anakin's side. That has to count for something.

"Thank you", Anakin gasps. I love you , he thinks.

They stay like that until Anakin's breathing evens out again, and his tears stop falling. Anakin feels reluctant to pull away, but embarrassment and shame starts to lick up his spine at the way he's clinging onto Obi-Wan, so he hastily extracts himself.

"Sorry", he says, grimacing at how wet the fabric of Obi-Wan's tunic now is.

"That's alright, dear one", Obi-Wan says gently. Anakin risks a glance up at Obi-Wan's face, and his heart hurts to see that Obi-Wan also has tears in his eyes. 

Despite that, Obi-Wan smiles at him.

"Thank you", he says. "For telling me. I think this conversation was long overdue."

Anakin laughs wetly.

"Probably", he says. "Who knew I just had to take you stargazing to get us talking?"

Obi-Wan lets out a fragile little chuckle. 

"Who knew?", he smiles, and Anakin's heart feels a bit lighter. 

They lay back down, but now their hands are intertwined. One-handed, they keep looking up at the stars, mostly in silence, but adding the occasional comment here and there. The tension that's been stored in Anakin's shoulders for months, years , is finally gone. He can breathe easier. 

After about half an hour, Anakin grows cold. When Obi-Wan notices his shivering, he gently suggests they call it a night and go home. Anakin would've protested, but crawling into a warm bed sounds pretty good right about now.

They quickly pack up their stuff, careful to not leave anything incriminating behind (like a cloak, or something). Then, they head back to their ship in silence.

The ride home is far more peaceful than their flight earlier in the day. Anakin was tired, and his flying was somewhat subdued as a result. Obi-Wan only grips the safety handle once during the entire ride. After safely locking up the ship (which is rapidly becoming one of Anakin's new favourites) Obi-Wan follows him to his quarters. 

They pause outside Anakin's door.

"Thank you", Anakin mumbles. "For today. And everything else."

Obi-Wan smiles slightly.

"You're welcome, dear one", he says, and Anakin feels his cheeks burn at the endearment.

Then, it gets even worse .

"Since we're finally talking about… things …", Obi-Wan says, "I want you to know how important you are to me. I've never been good at telling you that."

To be fair, no, he sort of hasn't been, but maybe that's a good thing, because Anakin feels like he's about to die of embarrassment. He  can't bring himself to say anything, and Obi-Wan seems to take this as a sign to keep talking.

"I never want you to think I hate you again", he says. "I don't think I ever could."

Anakin feels caught in Obi-Wan's gaze. He wants to look away, wants to make some kind of awkward joke, laugh off the tension. But he can't bring himself to do it. His breath is caught in his throat, and all he can do is stare into Obi-Wan's eyes.

Now, this is where Anakin makes a mistake. A big one.

It's all Obi-Wan's fault, really. The hallway lights are reflecting in his eyes, making them sparkle. His face is illuminated so beautifully, and they're suddenly standing so close that the warmth of his breath hits Anakin's skin. And he's telling Anakin how much he cares about him in a way that almost sounds like a love confession.

He couldn't help leaning in even if he tried. Because the real kicker is, Obi-Wan looks like he wants him to. In that moment, Anakin would bet anything on the fact that Obi-Wan wants him.

They're so achingly close, noses touching. Anakin just needs to close that final distance. He leans in, almost like there's a magnetic pull between them. His eyes flicker down to Obi-Wan's lips, then back up to his eyes. Almost there…

And then, just like that, it's over.

Obi-Wan's eyes widen, and he abruptly leans away, turning his head to the side. 

"This isn't a good idea, Anakin", he says, and Anakin's heart freezes in his chest.

"Sorry", is all he can think to say. "Sorry, I just thought… Sorry."

Obi-Wan smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"It's alright", he says, even though it most definitely isn't . Anakin feels like his entire world has shattered.

"It's late. We should get to sleep", Obi-Wan says, and Anakin can only nod dumbly.  He retreats into his quarters on autopilot, because he doesn't think he could bear watching Obi-Wan walk away. 

Fuck.

He'd thought he'd be angry at the rejection, but he just feels so ashamed he almost goes numb. Obi-Wan knows . He knows and nothing will ever be the same again. All this effort he put in, his desperation to not let Obi-Wan slip through his fingers, all for nothing. 

They were just starting to get back to normal. Obi-Wan was just starting to trust him again. And now? Now, all that was ruined. All because Anakin had wanted more , like he always did. 

He doesn't deserve more. He doesn't deserve what he does have, and the universe is reminding him of it. 

He ends up sort of crying into his pillow half the night, and only manages to fall asleep after he's so thoroughly exhausted it's impossible to shed a single more tear.

—

The next day he's a bit of a wreck. 

Usually, all his emotions eventually turn into anger, but either he's still in some kind of shock or the shame he's feeling is overriding everything else. 

He can't get mad at Obi-Wan for not loving him back (or, he certainly could, but he knows he definitely shouldn't) . Obi-Wan does love him (probably?), just not in the way Anakin wants him to. But that's his stupid problem, isn't it? Always wanting more than what he has.

Anakin just hopes he hasn't ruined everything he's been trying so hard to fix. He's long since accepted that Obi-Wan isn't in love with him. It hurts, of course it does, but he can live with it. Has lived with it.

What he can't stand is the thought that things will change . That things will be awkward between them again, or that Obi-Wan is freaked out by the whole thing. Anakin trusts Obi-Wan enough to know that he won't just up and leave again. They'll still see each other. But there's no guarantee it won't be different now.

His day is spent watching bad romcoms and staring up at the ceiling, with the occasional frustrated cry. 

He's in the staring part of the cycle when his doorbell rings sometime after dinnertime (although dinner for Anakin had consisted of a glass of water and some stale crackers he forced down along with it).

Immediately, he starts anxious sweating. R2 just opens the door and lets himself in, so it can't be him. That basically just leaves one person, and he is the last person Anakin wants to see right now.

He scrambles to his feet, practically running to the kitchen sink to quickly wash off the dried tear tracks he's sure are visible on his face. His eyes are probably red, but there's not much he can do about that. 

He wipes his face dry, then hurries back to the sofa, hoping to appear casual and unbothered. With a flick of his wrist, he unlocks the front door and calls out: "Come in!"

The door opens, and there, indeed, stands Obi-Wan.

"Good evening", he says as he steps through the doorway. He carefully takes off his boots and places them neatly on the all but forgotten shoe rack that Anakin never bothers to use.

"Uh, yeah, hi", Anakin replies. He hasn't used his voice all day, though, and it sounds wobbly and cracks at the end in a decidedly mortifying way.

Of course, Obi-Wan doesn't call attention to it, but Anakin still feels his face heat up in embarrassment. He clears his throat awkwardly.

"You can sit down if you want", he says, because Obi-Wan just standing there hovering feels awful.

Obi-Wan smiles politely and takes a seat. Anakin clears his throat again.

"So, uh, what brings you over?", he asks, even though he's pretty sure he knows already.

Obi-Wan is silent for a moment, like he's thinking about how to phrase what he has to say.

"I think we need to talk", he finally says, and Anakin's heart plummets.

"About what?", he stubbornly asks, because he doesn't want to make it any easier for Obi-Wan to break his heart.

"Yesterday", Obi-Wan says pointedly, and now Anakin's stubbornness has to war it out with a sudden rush of hot, awful shame. 

"Right", he squeaks. 

There's a tense silence for a few moments, with neither of them seeming to know how to actually start talking about it. 

Finally, Anakin can't take it anymore.

"I'm sorry", he blurts out. "I didn't mean to make you… Or rather, I thought…I'm sorry."

His words are jumbled and messy, and his already red face grows even redder.

He's been going through what to say to Obi-Wan the entire day.  He wasn't in his right mind, or he got swept up in the moment, or whatever would sound most believable. Now, though, he can't seem to formulate anything other than "I'm sorry".

Obi-Wan clears his throat awkwardly.

"It's alright, Anakin", he sighs, and Anakin feels wretched . How does he always do this? How can he fail every single time he tries to be good?

"I'm not angry with you", Obi-Wan continues, "but we need to talk about it."

"I really don't think that's necessary, Obi-Wan", Anakin says. "We can just forget it ever happened."

He doesn't have high hopes for that. Obi-Wan has never let him get out of a difficult conversation, and Anakin doubts he's going to start now.

"I'm concerned", Obi-Wan begins, and Anakin cringes. 

"Please, don't be", he pleads weakly. "We really don't need to talk about it."

Obi-Wan sighs.

"These past few months, you've been… Doing things for me."

Oh. Oh, no . 

"And while I do appreciate the effort, you should not feel like you need to appease me, Anakin. Especially not in any… intimate ways."

Please, someone kill him, now . 

"No, no , Maker, Obi-Wan, that's not what happened!", he exclaims, because he can't let Obi-Wan believe that. He just can't .

"It's alright, Anakin, I told you I'm not angry. I just need you to know that-"

"Listen to me!", Anakin interrupts him. "Whatever you think yesterday was, it wasn't . I wasn't thinking."

Obi-Wan doesn't seem very convinced. 

"You tried to kiss me", he says tiredly. "Surely that requires some thought behind it."

Anakin almost laughs.

"You'd be surprised", he says. If Obi-Wan only knew how often Anakin impulsively wants to kiss him. If anything, what requires thinking is trying not to.

"Then why?" , Obi-Wan asks, a note of frustration in his voice now. 

Anakin hesitates.

"The doing stuff for you or the trying to kiss you?", he asks.

"Both", Obi-Wan says, and Anakin swallows nervously.

"I wanted to take care of you", he mutters, crossing his arms over his torso, as if that will shield him from this embarrassing conversation.

"I don't need you to do that, Anakin", Obi-Wan says, very seriously. "You don't need to do me favors for me to like you."

Anakin's face burns.

"That's not what it was", he says, because it actually really hadn't been. Or, okay, maybe a little bit, at first. But mostly, it had been about trying to show Obi-Wan how much he means to Anakin without actually telling him.

But he doesn't know where to even begin to explain that.

"I wasn't trying to bribe your affection or whatever you seem to think", he forces out, because that he can at least articulate. 

"Then why?", Obi-Wan asks.

"Because I care about you!", Anakin snaps. "Is that so fucking crazy?"

"No", Obi-Wan sighs, "but I daresay you've always cared about me, and you never used to care if my quarters were clean or not."

Anakin deflates.

"I know", he grumbles. "And that's part of the problem."

Obi-Wan looks confused, and Anakin can't blame him. He's skirting around the issue, around the words he actually wants to say, because he's sure they'd be too much.

"I know this sounds insane, but before, I… I was too caught up in my own life to realise you have one, too", Anakin says. "I was selfish, and I took you for granted."

He takes a deep, steadying breath, unable to even meet Obi-Wan's eye anymore.

"I just wanted you to feel appreciated", he mutters. "And words clearly aren't my strong suit, so… Yeah."

Obi-Wan's silent for entirely too long, and Anakin shifts nervously in his seat. He glances up furtively, and is slightly relieved when he sees that Obi-Wan doesn't look angry. Just kind of surprised.

"Was trying to kiss me also to make me feel appreciated?", he asks slowly. 

"No", Anakin croaks out.

There's another beat of silence.

"Why, then?", Obi-Wan asks in a weird voice. Anakin gulps.

"You have to know why by now, Obi-Wan", he says. 

"Tell me anyway", Obi-Wan replies.

Anakin takes a shuddering breath. 

"I love you", he says. "You know I do."

He doesn't dare to look up for a long few seconds. His stomach is twisting in shame and anxiety, and he can't stand the thought of seeing whatever disgusted face Obi-Wan surely has on.

"I'm sorry", he says, wincing. "It was late, I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have… I'm sorry."

Obi-Wan doesn't say anything. He just sits there, blinking rapidly in shock. Anakin swallows, his throat painfully dry.

"I know you don't feel the same", he continues, and he hates how unsteady his voice sounds. Hates how it still hurts, no matter how long he's known his love for Obi-Wan would always be unrequited. "I just got caught up in a moment, I dunno."

"Anakin, I…"

Obi-Wan's own voice is trembling slightly, and Anakin winces in shame. 

"Anakin", Obi-Wan repeats, his voice stronger now. "I never expected you'd… feel that way about me."

Anakin closes his eyes tightly. This is fucking awful . He feels wrong, almost dirty. Wanting Obi-Wan, who sees him as a brother, maybe even a son . 

"I'm sorry", he whispers again, because it's all he can think to say.

"No, Anakin, you misunderstand me", Obi-Wan says. "Please, look at me."

Anakin can't help but look up, and what he sees confuses him. Obi-Wan doesn't look disappointed or disgusted or even angry. 

He looks… Shy? Embarrassed? 

"I am the one who should apologise", Obi-Wan says, and Anakin feels even more confused. "I was caught off guard yesterday, and I treated you cruelly as a result."

Anakin opens his mouth to protest, but with a look from Obi-Wan, he closes it again. 

"I admit, I felt ashamed", Obi-Wan says, and Anakin frowns.

"Why?", he can't help but blurt out. 

"I assumed you kissed me because you knew I wanted you to", Obi-Wan says, and Anakin's world freezes.

"What?", he asks dumbly. Obi-Wan smiles.

"You have taken to bringing me my favourite tea. You meditate with me even though you dislike it. You even sat through that stuffy documentary with me. I thought you'd come to realise that of all my favourite things, you are the most precious one. And that you would sacrifice your own wants to make me happy."

Anakin knows his mouth is hanging open, but he can't bring himself to close it.

"You mean to say you…", he starts, but he has no idea how to finish the sentence. 

"I love you", Obi-Wan breathes. 

Anakin feels frozen and ablaze all at once. His insides feel like they're buzzing, and his heart soars in an elation he's not sure he's ever felt before.

"As a friend?", he needs to clarify, and Obi-Wan laughs again. He leans forward and gently takes Anakin's hands in his own.

"Yes, that, too", he says. "You are my very best friend, Anakin, and I am also so in love with you that I do not quite know what to do with myself."

Then, everything clicks into place. The way Obi-Wan's shields have been drawn so tight, shutting Anakin out so harshly. Then, the way he still seems to care so much about him. Every contradictory thing Obi-Wan has ever done now makes sense . 

"You love me", Anakin breathes, and Obi-Wan smiles once more. 

"I do."

—

They don't kiss that night. Or do anything else except talk, really. They're still sort of awkwardly circling around each other about the whole thing, despite everything being out in the open.

A part of Anakin feels jittery and anxious about it. What he knows of love is all blazing passion and a burning need for each other, and he doesn't think Obi-Wan has ever felt like that about Anakin. Obi-Wan's feelings are always more grounded and stable, while Anakin's are all over the place and so intense it makes him dizzy.

That anxious part of him tells him it's because Obi-Wan doesn't really love him. Or that at least, Obi-Wan isn't attracted to him. He tries very hard to ignore it.

At the same time, Anakin knows the waiting is probably good for him. He always rushes in without thinking, and it always gets him hurt in the end. He cannot do that now. He can't lose Obi-Wan.

—

Anakin wakes up to the smell of caf and eggs. Instantly, he's on guard, scrambling out of bed and out into the living room and kitchen. He grabs a wrench from his work table on the way, raising it threateningly over his head.

When he enters the living room, he expects to find some strange intruder who goes into people's houses and eats their food. Instead, there's Obi-Wan, humming a nonsensical tune while flipping some eggs.

He quickly hides the wrench behind his back, just in time for Obi-Wan to turn around and notice him.

"Oh, good, you're awake", he smiles. "I apologise for simply letting myself in, but I thought we could have breakfast together."

Anakin's heart constricts in his chest, and he simply stands there for a moment, overwhelmed.

Obi-Wan is clad in a pair of loose pants and a plain tunic. He clearly hasn't been awake for terribly long, because his eyes are still slightly puffy from sleep, and his hair is unstyled and a bit messy.

He looks so soft and perfect and real that Anakin kind of wants to cry. Instead, he nods dumbly and takes a seat at the dining table. He disposes of the wrench on one of the chairs beside him when Obi-Wan turns back to the eggs.

The whole thing is painfully domestic. Well, maybe not thinking Obi-Wan was a burglar, but the rest of it. Anakin finds himself wishing he could have this every morning.

"Here you go, dear one", Obi-Wan says, snapping Anakin out of his daze. He hands Anakin a steaming cup of caf, which Anakin quickly takes several gulps of. The caf is exactly how Anakin likes it, and he sighs in contentment as he puts the cup down.

"Thank you", he mumbles. 

"My pleasure", Obi-Wan replies. 

He finishes up the cooking and sits down opposite Anakin. Obi-Wan might not be a great chef, but not even he can mess up sunny-side eggs and toast. Anakin, who is always perpetually hungry, scarfs it down, enthusiastically telling Obi-Wan between bites how good the food is.

"I'd appreciate that more if I couldn't see the food as you're chewing it, dear", he says, wrinkling his nose. Anakin rolls his eyes at him, but dutifully waits until he's finished chewing to say anything else.

They vary between talking and comfortable silences as they finish breakfast. 

"There's a race tonight in the lower levels", Obi-Wan says after Anakin's finished his last piece of toast, apropos of nothing.

"I know", Anakin replies, because he keeps up with the HoloNet racing news almost religiously. "Meleve Scrall is competing."

Of course, it's not podracing, just regular speeder racing. It would be asking for trouble to try to hold a podrace on Coruscant, even in the shadier parts of the lower levels. Regular races aren't quite as thrilling, but they're still one of Anakin's favourite things.

He hasn't been to a race in ages, but he keeps up with them from the HoloNet. It doesn't beat seeing it in real life, but at least he's caught up on who to watch out for.

"I hear she's been doing very well", Obi-Wan says, and Anakin nods enthusiastically.

"She's a newbie, but she's already on track to qualify for the Galactic Cup", he says, excited to get to talk about one of his favourite racers. "She has this wizard move where she totally cuts the other guys off by drifting across the track. Lot of people call it cheating , but like, Jaiton Farreve did basically the same thing and he's considered a legend, and there's nothing against it in the rule book."

Anakin's moving his hands excitedly, almost knocking over his half-empty cup of caf. 

"I was going to catch the broadcast tonight", he continues. "You could watch it with me since you have the day off!"

He immediately cringes at himself as soon as he's said it. Obi-Wan doesn't care about racing. He'd just be bored the whole time.

Before he can backtrack and assure Obi-Wan that he most definitely doesn't need to watch the stupid race, Obi-Wan pipes up.

"I could do that", he says conspiratorially, "or…" He reaches into his pants pocket, pulls out two pieces of flimsi and presents it to Anakin. "...I could take you to see it in person."

Anakin gapes at him. He scans the flimsi, and indeed, it's too tickets to the race tonight.

"You got me tickets?", he exclaims, unable to hide his excitement.

"I got us tickets", Obi-Wan corrects. 

"You didn't need to do that", Anakin says, feeling his cheeks start to warm. "I know you don't care about racing."

"But I care about you", Obi-Wan replies breezily, like hearing that won't make Anakin feel like spontaneously combusting. 

"Cool", Anakin squeaks.

—

"And did you see that turn she pulled off?", Anakin exclaims for probably the third time that night. 

"Yes, dear one, I saw", Obi-Wan replies, fondly rolling his eyes, but Anakin is too lost in recounting the race to really notice.

"Maker, it was so wizard! And man, her speeder is gorgeous, too! It's a Zebulon R-78, you know? Everyone always goes for Aratech, and yeah, they make great stuff, but Zebulons have heart ."

They're in the Temple again now, heading back to Anakin's place, but Anakin barely keeps track of where they're going. He feels lighter and happier than he's been for a long time, and he doesn't even remember to feel embarrassed about the way he's rambling on about speeder bikes.

Finally, they reach Anakin's door, and pause outside for a moment. 

"Thank you for tonight", Anakin says. "You have no idea how much I appreciate it."

"Well, I have some idea, with how you've been going on about it all the way home", Obi-Wan says teasingly, and Anakin flushes.

"Sorry", he winces. "I didn't mean to-"

"Don't apologise, dear one", Obi-Wan smiles. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."

"I really did", Anakin smiles back.

There's a beat of silence, and Anakin feels the air between them start to crackle. He's suddenly very aware of how close Obi-Wan is standing, how good he looks in the soft light of the Temple corridor. How he's looking at Anakin like he's something precious. Like he loves him.

Anakin's eyes flicker down to Obi-Wan's lips without him thinking. Then up again to meet Obi-Wan's eyes, which seem to be piercing into his very soul. He licks his dry lips, trying to think of something to say, but he comes up short. 

Then, Obi-Wan looks away, and the moment is broken. 

"Shall we go inside?", Obi-Wan says, and Anakin nods, trying not to project his disappointment too much.

It's fine, he tells himself as they cross the threshold into his quarters. Maybe Obi-Wan is just trying to take it slow. Or he's catching a cold and he doesn't want Anakin to get it, too. Or he doesn't actually love Anakin and everything's been one massive lie, and-

And he's suddenly kissing Anakin.

It's not hard or fast, but no less passionate for it. He has one hand on Anakin's jaw, gently stroking his cheek, and the other on his waist, pulling him in closer.  Anakin lets out a surprised noise, and Obi-Wan quickly pulls away. 

"I'm sorry, was that too presumptuous of me?", he asks with a smile, but Anakin sees the hint of worry and insecurity in his eyes. 

"No, no, sorry, I was just… I didn't think you…" He can't remember how to speak properly. "Kriff, just kiss me again, would you?"

With a gentle laugh, Obi-Wan does as he's asked.

—

Later, they're sitting together on Anakin's sofa, carefully intertwined. Anakin feels simultaneously the calmest he's ever been and also like his heart is about to pound out of his chest. He feels safe with Obi-Wan, but at the same time, he's still not able to get rid of the feeling that Obi-Wan doesn't actually want this. It feels impossible. 

"Obi-Wan", he says, half to distract himself from his own musings and half because he's actually curious, "what was today about?"

"What do you mean?", Obi-Wan asks. 

"I don't know", Anakin shrugs. "You did so much for me. I know you don't like speeder races, but you went with me. Why?"

"Why did you do all those things for me?", Obi-Wan counters, and Anakin frowns.

"I don't need you to pay me back, Obi-Wan", he says, mood souring. 

"That's not why you did things for me, was it?", Obi-Wan says, and Anakin shakes his head.

"I did it because I love you, and I wanted you to feel appreciated."

"Well, there you go", Obi-Wan says. "That was my reasoning, too."

The sour mood goes away entirely. Anakin flushes, a happy and slightly embarrassed feeling welling up inside of him.

"You're too much of a smooth-talker for your own good", he mumbles, and Obi-Wan laughs.

"You'll just have to get used to it", he says, and Anakin grins. 

The prospect doesn't frighten him at all.

—

So, no, Anakin doesn't Fall.

Some days, he's sure he will. Some days, the weight of his mistakes, of the war, of his crappy childhood, gets to be too much. Sometimes, he ends up snapping at Obi-Wan on those days. They argue. Obi-Wan doesn't always know how to help, and Anakin hates accepting it, anyway.

Some days, Obi-Wan gets quiet. He doesn't dramatically slam cupboards or wallow on the couch for days, but he gets this far off look in his eyes, and radiates so much sadness that Anakin feels like he's choking on it.

Mostly, though, it's good . Mostly, they watch bad holofilms, laughing at the terrible acting. Anakin tries to finally teach Obi-Wan binary, with mixed results. 

Maybe, Anakin will Fall some day. But going around worrying about it has never exactly been helpful. Right now, he's okay. Right now, he has Obi-Wan. 

And that's enough.