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Fitz cursed as his foot fell through the snow into another pile of half frozen dog shit. Probably slightly louder than he should have since it appeared to be rather late at night. But fitz felt it was justified, given this was the third time it had happened since leaving the Tardis barely 15 minutes ago. The animals here, wherever here was, clearly had it in for him.
fitz would much rather be roasting himself in front of the fire he had left burning in the Tardis library. But he had been half dying for a cigarette since that morning and he’d been trapped in the Tardis for what felt like eons while the doctor ran some sort of mysterious errand. He had considered just lighting one up where he was but he didn’t want to upset the Tardis again, last time that had happened she had switched the door of his bedroom with that of the pool.
It was just his luck that anji seemed have some sort of second sense for when fitz wanted a smoke, and had began her usual list of complaints about his habit. She hadn’t been quite as enthusiastic as usual he had noticed, but it was still enough to tick fitz off with the already foul mood he was in. He probably shouldn’t have shouted quite so much, they did that a lot lately.
He had stormed out without actually checking where they had landed, and found that it was quite clearly some time in the middle of winter, and everything for miles was obscured by a good few inches of snow. In hindsight he really should have brought a proper coat, his leather jacket wasn’t quite doing the job he hoped. He could turn back now, it’s not like anyone was going to stop him. But he still felt a little stupid after his earlier outburst and the idea of having to talk to anyone, let alone anji for the next hour was enough to convince him to stay out in the cold.
fitz bitterly wiped the sole of his shoe against the curb of the pavement, trying to get the now hardened mess off to little avail. Things just seemed to keep going wrong for him, one thing after another. Though standing in gross substances did seem quite minor compared to the last year he had spent in London, it was unpleasant either way. Fitz had probably broken a mirror, or walked under a ladder, or was it closing an umbrella indoors? Something like that seemed right.
The three of them had barely been back on the Tardis for a few weeks since the wedding. Since the chamber. He could still hear the doctors screams when he found himself somewhere just a little too quiet. Silent enough that the sound which still echoed in his skull would be noticed. He’d never heard something like that before. Fitz shuddered a little, he chalked it up to the frigid air, even though he knew that wasn’t quite true.
fitz drew in another deep breath of his cigarette, hoping it would numb his nerves, rather in the same way the cold was doing to his fingers. It didn’t quite achieve what he wanted, the the sense that it didn’t much numb his nerves, more so his arse. Because he managed to take in too much smoke, and while he had been choking on the sidewalk, he had slipped over some ice he hadnt been aware of to his left. Typical, now he was tired, pissed off, cold, wet, and even colder.
fitz pulled himself up against some fencing and drew his jacket tighter around his body. taking care to look more carefully where he was stepping, Lest he either fell into an open drain cover or found some more surprises from the local pets, Fitz trudged slowly down the street for a little while longer before realising he didn’t actually know where he was or which direction he had come from originally. The path walked him down between two long rows of joint up buildings, slightly illuminated by the dim light of the moon. The structures were tall with elaborate architecture surrounding the walls. Fitz felt an unnerving sensation of familiarity, like he had been here before not long ago. His chest squeezed itself, as though someone were pressing down against his ribs with all their strength, and he had the sudden desire to run back the way he had came from until he was as far away from here as possible. he was about to act on this until he saw someone sitting on the floor between two darkened buildings.
the person was curled up with their legs brought to their chest and their face buried between their knees. They were wearing attire fitz could only say reminded him of a Victorian child. Fitz briefly wondered what time period he was even in before he walked a little closer and notice the mess of brown curls sprouting from their head. He could see the doctor better in the moonlight once he was nearer to his figure. His hands were gripping tightly to the fabric of his trousers, and the tops of his hair and coat were damp with melted snow. The doctor was sniffing softly, muffled into the fabric of his clothes.
fitz dropped his cigarette to the floor and stamped it out with the heel of his shoes before crouching down next to the doctor on the icy paving. He was quite clearly shivering. Fitz forgot how easy it was for the doctor to get cold nowadays, so many other things had changed lately and that hadn’t been the most jarring of them. Before the doctor seemed comically immune to cold temperatures, his breath was never seemed to be visible against cold air. It just served as another reminder of how different things were. He stayed there, watching the doctor in a quiet sadness, not quite sure what he should be doing. He should probably drag the doctor back to the Tardis, sitting out here in the snow could hardly be doing him any good.
“I can’t remember what it felt like fitz” the doctor suddenly spoke, somehow aware it was fitz without even looking, making fitz half jump out of his skin despite the doctors mumbling barely reaching a whisper. It never failed to freak him out when the doctor seemed to know things without having a way to know them.
”I don’t know what the two beats felt like together fitz. It’s gone”
the doctor lifted his head up from his knees, before covering his face again to cough weakly. His nose and cheeks were flushed a light pink colour as fitz had seen them do in the cold, as well as his lips; and There were a few damp tears still clinging onto his eyelashes around his red rimmed eyes. Fitz sat down next to the doctor, leaning against the rough plaster of the wall behind them. He figured there was no point in asking the doctor anything right now, he could already tell he wouldn’t get much of an answer, and he wasn’t even sure he wanted them. He had seen it immediately, the glassy, far away look in the doctors tearful eyes. Fitz was seeing it far too often for his liking lately. He didn’t like to admit it, even to himself, but it scared him seeing the doctor like this. The doctor, afraid, confused. It- well. It was just wrong.
the doctor curled in on himself a little more as he doubled over coughing. He clutched at his chest a little , and whimpered slightly before he closed his arms around his ribs. Fitz pulled off his jacket and draped it over the doctors shoulders, hoping it would do more good than his own damp coat. The doctor didn’t protest, he barely even seemed to notice which made fitz heart flutter with worry. He swallowd thickly, trying to think of what to say. What do you even say in this situation, ‘oh sorry mate, heard you had some weird bloke come and cut your heart out, that sucks doesn’t it’, well obviously not that. But knowing what not to say didn’t mean he knew what he should.
” it’s not gone, it can’t be, it can’t, it can’t just disappear“ the doctor started again as he gently leaned into fitz’s arm which was sitting atop his shoulder.
fitz winced. The doctor still seemed utterly convinced his heart was still there, he didn’t seem to have processed that someone had actually come and cut it out his chest, he believed it just wasn’t working. Or it was still beating, just not in his own chest. Everyone had said the doctor would get better after Sabbath removed his heart, it was what was making him ill in the first place, so it only made sense that removing it would be the cure. Right? They were wrong though, fitz knew it. Anji knew it. The doctor knew it too more than anyone.
”hey, look, come on doc. we ought to get back to the Tardis yeah? It’s not far”, fitz started, trying to pull the doctor upright a little where he had sunk into fitz’s shoulder. The doctor just buried his face further in his shirt seeking the warmth of fitz’s body.
”it’s wrong fitz, I don’t want to be left like this. I’d rather- I”. His voice cracked with shame and trailed off.
the sheer hopelessness in the doctors voice made a wave of panic rise from fitz’s chest, he tried his hardest to swallow it down, only serving to make himself feel sick. Fitz stared down at the mane of brown curls below his chin. The doctor was staring off into the distance, his eyes were still wet but there was nothing in them, just a hollow darkness that chilled fitz more than the weather ever could. Fitz thought it was worse that this had happened, they had thought it would go back to how it was, only to find it probably never would. They got back hits and pieces of who the doctor had been, but never all of him. Some of them seemed to always be in that room with the white bed and bare walls. The doctor blinked up at fitz again slowly, he could see the doctors eyes misting over again as he frowned a little to himself.
”fitz?” He asked quietly, his voice sounded so small you wouldn’t have guessed the doctor could have said it.
”yeah, I’m here” fitz answered.
He had always wondered if the doctors luck would run out one day. he had selfishly hoped he wouldn’t have to be there when it did. Fitz wouldn’t know how he would cope. But it had and he was. Fitz gently took the doctors arms in his hands and pulled him to his feet, keeping his jacket around his shoulders. The doctor swayed dangerously on his legs for a few moments before his knees buckled and he crumpled against fitz who quickly grabbed hold of him as they both fell to their knees in the snow.
“I don’t want to be sick anymore fitz” the doctor said quietly.
”I know” fitz replied