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Being in the shadows has always served you well. But you especially like it now as you watched Bucky practice with Steve in the training ring late in the evening.
You watch from your place in the rafters as they spar, powerful bodies moving in a dance that is downright mesmerizing. You feel a little guilty for watching them like this without them knowing. Your powers over shadows aren’t meant to be used for this particular reason. In your defense, when you had entered the training ring, you had expected it to be empty. Normally, you were the only one that trained at 12 in the morning. It’s when the shadows are best, after all.
Your plan had been to leave when you heard them practicing. But much like a moth to a flame, you’re unable to help yourself. You had phased up right into your current spot and cloaked yourself. You couldn’t phase all the time and you couldn’t phase into the shadows you created yourself. But with plenty of organic shadows available from the dark hour, you had your pick of spots to choose from.
The rafters, you had decided, were the most perfect spot to hide and see every bit of the Adonis that was Bucky Barnes.
The handsome soldier is agitated today, the shadows whispered to you.
You were inclined to agree. They’d been fighting for a while. A few times, Steve had asked Bucky what was wrong, but he had waved off Steve’s attempts and gone even harder. Sweat dripped off his rippling muscles as he threw more punches and maneuvered around Steve. You vaguely thought about licking it right off of him before shaking your head. It wasn’t right to think about him like that.
But then again, it wasn’t right to be here in the first place.
Finally, Bucky relented, huffing hard and wiping the sweat from his brow.
“Sorry,” he panted. “I just…” he trailed off.
Steve seemed to understand. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “You just need more time to adjust. You’ve been doing great. It’s okay to have hard days.”
Maybe Bucky had had another nightmare. You knew that he struggled with them. The shadows liked to keep tabs on him. You never asked them to but they did it anyway just to make sure that he was safe. At least, that’s what you told yourself. Bucky nodded and looked off in the distance, lost in thought. He shook his head. “I’m going to train by myself for a while, if that’s alright.”
Steve nodded. “Alright. But I’m here if you need me.”
“Thanks, Steve.”
With that, Steve left the mat, making his way to the locker room. Silence permeated the air. Your eyes took Bucky in one last time. You thought it was best if you left now. You didn’t want to intrude anymore than you had, even if neither of them knew you had been there. But just then, Bucky lifted his head and looked right at you.
You felt vaguely unsettled, but you knew he couldn’t see you. That wasn’t possible-
“Y’know, it’s rude to eavesdrop, doll,” he drawled.
You whipped your head to glance down at yourself. Without your notice, the shadows had drawn back from you, rendering you completely visible to his gaze. What the fuck? You hissed to the shadows in your mind.
Speak to him, the shadows said slyly.
“Why don’t you come down here?” he said, eyes twinkling with amusement.
Your heart began racing. In a panic, you shadow traveled out of the training room, and back to your own room. You gasped as your body surged with adrenaline. Fuck. Stupid meddling shadows. Coward, the shadows hissed with disappointment.
“Don’t ever do that to me again!” you said.
We did you a favor! The handsome soldier wanted to speak with you!
“I don’t care,” you lied.
Liar, they said angrily.
You shook your head. “Just…please don’t do that again, okay?”
We make no promises, they said sullenly.
You weren’t sure how you were ever going to be able to look Bucky in the eyes again. He had caught you lurking like a weirdo. You were always lurking. It was the nature of your powers. But it was different when he knew you had actively been using them to spy on him. You were just going to have to avoid him, even if it pained you that you wouldn’t see him.
Somewhere in your heart, you felt a pang of sadness. But you knew to ignore it. You had a lot of practice with that.
~
When you had first shown up at the Avengers Tower, you had been introduced to the whole team. You could tell that you made people nervous. Being a shadow whisperer wasn’t exactly something people understood. You always had little patches of shadows swirling around your whole body, your own personal horde that you had never been able to explain. It was off putting and you knew it. The fact that they told you everyone’s secrets only made it worse.You knew you wouldn’t make friends here. You never had. You were here to do whatever spy jobs they needed you to do and go home.
But there was one person who had held out his hand to you and introduced himself. “Bucky. Nice to have you on the team,” he had said politely.
Oh, we like this one, the shadows had whispered to you. So polite and beautiful.
You had taken his hand carefully, a tingle of heat spreading from the contact. You shook his hand quickly and backed away. It was better to keep your distance. No one really wanted you around. He was just being polite.
Even still, Bucky had been stuck in your head ever since.
You tried your best to stay separate from everyone. You didn’t want to force your presence on anyone, even if your chest ached with loneliness sometimes. You had your shadows, and that was enough for you. You went to team meetings. You went on whatever stealth missions they wanted you on, your abilities invaluable to them. But you always retreated back to your room. You never lingered, no matter how badly you wanted to.
But without your own permission, you found yourself gravitating towards Bucky when he was on a mission with you. Sometimes, if you were lucky, you were paired together. You worked well together. His steady presence at your back always made you feel better. You had come to rely on the feeling of safety that was present every time he was around.
Sometimes, it would take your breath away how efficient he was in a fight. The fierce glint in his eye as he took down Hydra agents like it was nothing, his powerful metal arm glinting in the light, his uniform tight to his body… it had distracted you more times than you’d like to admit.
Once a mission was complete, he would always ask you softly, “Are you hurt, doll?” It made your head a little fuzzy each time. If you were, he would softly take your hand or carry you back to whatever rendezvous point. He would never know how much it meant to you. He didn’t understand how special it made you feel, despite the fact that you knew he would’ve done it for any of his fellow teammates.
And so, you have come to love him. But you were still too scared to get close to him. To get close to anyone.
Sometimes, Stark hosted activity nights. “It’s for bonding purposes!” he always said when anyone called it silly. You did think it was a little silly yourself. But you would go anyway. Not that anyone knew that. You simply watched from the shadows. Never speaking, never making your presence known. There were movies and board games. Sometimes it was just friends having a good time talking together.
You told yourself that it was enough. That being a part of them in some way was better than nothing at all. But more than that, you told yourself that being able to be around Bucky, even if he wasn’t aware of it, was enough.
He was your favorite. He was quiet around the others. But every now and then, he’d make a quiet sly comment that would make you smile. His smile, rare but genuine, was beautiful. You had watched him become more and more open, become more and more human. It inspired you. If someone like him who had been through so much could learn to feel safe, then why couldn’t you? But you still couldn’t be brave. You had only ever been good at hiding.
You weren’t sure that you knew how to do anything else.
~
There was only one other person that you had allowed to wiggle into your sad heart but that was only because she hadn’t given you a choice. Natasha had been the one to find you and invite you to the team. She had a way of just… appearing that you had never been able to understand.
The shadows adored Natasha. They affectionately called her the sneaky one.
On the days when she was in the Tower, she forced you to train with her by banging on your door until you opened it and begged her to stop. She would talk idly as you sparred about the mission she had been on and the things she had done. At first, you hadn’t responded to her, unsure if you could trust the red head. After all, you hadn’t really had a friend before. But she had just kept banging on your door. And you kept letting her.
Today, the insistent banging had made you jump up and open the door immediately.
“Wow, that was fast. Usually, you make me wait a little more,” Natasha says with her eyebrows raised.
“Something happened,” you say quickly. You had debated whether to tell her about the night before or not. But you had felt so restless and you thought that maybe Natsaha would know what to do. She was always so infuriatingly self assured. You were sure she would know if you had to move out of the Tower out of embarrassment or not. Natasha tilted her head curiously as you told her about what had happened.
“Wait, why were you watching them?” she asks after you’re done.
“I-I was just waiting for them to finish up. You know I don’t like people seeing me train with my shadows. But that’s not the point,” you say quickly. “He saw me creeping around! He probably thinks I’m a freak.”
She studies you for a minute. “You’re in love with Barnes, aren’t you?”
“W-What?” you splutter.
“You are,” she says curiously. Nat clicked her tongue. “I guess that explains why you watch him so much when you do your weird stalking thing during activity night.”
“It’s not stalking-” you say hotly. You pause then. “Wait, you know I’m there?”
The shadows always let the sneaky one see us, they say proudly.
“Never mind,” you say dryly. You shake your head. “How you got the shadows to like you so much is a mystery to me.”
“I’m naturally irresistible,” she says smoothly. “Now, back to you being in love with Bucky. You should just talk to him. He watches you too, you know?”
“No he doesn’t,” you protest. “He doesn’t even know I’m there!”
“He always fusses over you on missions. I thought maybe it was just because you were new at first. Guess I know why now.” Natasha smirks.
Maybe the sneaky one will convince you of what we have been unable to, they say excitedly.
“Nat, he doesn’t. He’s like that with everyone.” You glare pointedly at her and shadows swirling around you.
“What have your little friends said about him?”
The handsome soldier wants us, they say matter of factly. We can feel his gaze on us whenever we are in the same room. We like it very much.
“They… They don’t know what they’re talking about,” you say in denial.
“Uh-huh.” She snorts. “Your shadows are never wrong. We wouldn’t need your ability so much if they were.” The shadows dance around you happily before leaving your shoulders and brushing against her cheek carefully in thanks.
“Whatever,” you mutter.
Nat nods in satisfaction for a second before her face softens. “You shouldn’t be scared to talk to him. You know he wouldn’t be a dick about it.”
“I know. He’s always too nice,” you grumble.
“To you maybe,” Nat says. “He doesn’t get all soft with the rest of us like he does with you.”
You go silent for a moment before letting out a shaky sigh. “Look even if he doesn’t hate me like the others do-”
Nat rolls her eyes. “No one hates you.”
“I still can’t talk to him about it. What if he stops talking to me altogether? I couldn’t handle that.” You think you would set yourself on fire if you weren’t able to talk to Bucky ever again.
Nat sighs. “Look, I’m not going to force you to do something you don’t want to do-”
“You do that every morning,” you say flatly.
“But I’m just saying you should talk to him at some point.”
“Duly noted,” you say pointedly ending the conversation. “Are we going to train together or what?” You walk out of your room with determination, hoping that Nat will drop the matter altogether. Thankfully, she follows you out and keeps her mouth shut. You could tell during training that she wanted to bring it back up but you knew that she wouldn’t. Nat was good at respecting your boundaries that way.
Coward, your shadows say to you again.
I know, you say back silently. The hollowness chased you for the rest of the day.
~
You had done well avoiding Bucky. It made it easy that you could hide in the shadows whenever he was around. The shadows would warn you that he was coming close. They knew where everyone was in the tower. They would tell you things like: the handsome soldier is in his room or the handsome soldier has left the tower. You knew they told you because they wanted you to go toward him and not away. But they never forced you to do it. At the end of the day, the shadows were yours and they were loyal.
One morning had been particularly close. You had been sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee, watching the sunrise through the windows when he had entered the kitchen. As fast as you could, you grabbed your mug and disappeared into the shadow of the fridge. But before you could vanish all the way, your eyes had met his. He opened his mouth to say something, but you had already vanished back into your room.
Your hands were shaking for the rest of the day.
You knew that you couldn’t avoid him forever. But you still weren’t sure what to say to him. You knew that the least you needed to do was apologize for spying on him and Steve. But then he might ask why you were there at all. Seeing as how terrible you were at lying to Nat, you knew you wouldn’t be able to lie to Bucky either. Especially not to him.
So you avoided him. It was easier that way. You still went to activity nights, cloaked in the shadows of the room. Natasha’s eyes would meet yours briefly before looking pointedly at Bucky. You ignored it. A few times, you could’ve sworn that Bucky’s eyes swung between Natsaha and you, as if he knew you were there too. But he never said anything, so you decided that you were imagining it.
But you couldn’t help but pretend sometimes that those gorgeous blue eyes were meeting yours. That he was seeing you for who you were and not the ability that you possessed.
It was a nice fantasy.
~
Your streak of avoiding Bucky gets broken when you get put on a mission to help Peter with the growing problem of Kingpin. Not that he really needs you. Peter is strong enough on his own, you know this. But they want you to sneak into the base to steal some of his personal files. Prove he’s manipulating the city or something. You hadn’t really been listening. It’s always the same kind of thing. You always get put on missions like this.
It’s all you're good for, really.
The mission goes fine, all things considered. You sneak into Fisk’s building by phasing directly into his office. It had been empty at first as Spider-Man had been busy distracting Fisk and his associates for you to be able to do this at all.
But in the middle of the download, two of his goons burst in. You duck the gunshot to your head. Quickly, you phase from the shadow of the desk into the shadow of one of the attackers and knock him out. You try to phase into the next one, but he’s faster than you and he’s learned the trick. As you’re phasing, he whirls around to slam his fist into your ribs.
You cry out as your body explodes with pain. You fling your hands out and your shadows leak from your hands to block out the light and in turn, the attackers vision. He snarls in frustration and shoots in the dark. You twist to avoid it but the bullet goes through your arm instead. An explosion of pain bursts on your left arm. You scream in frustration.
The attacker whirls at the sound of your voice but before he can shoot again, you strike first, slamming your knee between his legs and your right fist uppercuts his jaw. He slumps to the ground next to his friend.
You allow the shadows to dissipate. Your left arm is gushing blood. You rip the bottom of your shirt and tie it around your arm tight. It makes the pain worse but you know you need to keep it on. You pant as you stumble your way back to the computer. Your download is complete. You grab the flash drive. You phase into the shadow of the desk again, exiting out to the alley next to Fisk’s Building.
“I’ve got the files, Pete,” you wheeze into the comm in your ear. Your ribs are aching something fierce and your arm is about to fall off, surely.
“Great!” he says breathlessly, no doubt busy with dispatching the rest of Fisk’s men. “I’ll meet you back at the Tower when I’m done here. Make sure to take the files to Mr. Stark!”
“Will do,” you say. All of the phasing takes a lot of your energy and your injuries certainly don’t help. As you’re gathering the strength to phase again, Peter chimes up again.
“You know, your shadow thing is so cool. Is it about bending the light in a room? Or is it about tricking the photoreceptors in the eye? But don’t they talk to you, too? That doesn’t make sense at all.” He’s still fighting. You know because you can hear it. How is he casually having this conversation?
Tell the spider creature that we are beyond his comprehension.
“Dunno. It’s complicated. Shadow stuff,” you say.
That works.
“Shadow stuff? But-”
You phase back to the tower before you can finish the rest of the conversation. If you don’t phase back to the tower right now, all the adrenaline is going to wear off and you’re going to fall right where you stand. As you phase to the tower lobby, you stumble. The rush of tiredness that sweeps through you is colossal. You couldn’t phase again even if you tried.
Are we okay? The shadows swirl around you in worry.
“I’m fine,” you mutter to them. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. I need help,” you say to the ceiling.
“I”ve already alerted the medical staff. They are on the way,” F.R.I.D.A.Y says.
You look at your arm. The makeshift tourniquet is already soaked with blood. You must not have tied it tight enough. Oh well, it’s hard to remember at the moment why that matters. You drop to your knees. The medical team makes it moments later. You close your eyes as you let them take you to the medical bay.
It doesn’t take too terribly long, all things considered. A few hours or so. They get the bullet out of your arm, they get it all wrapped up, and give you enough pain killers to make you feel absolutely nothing at all. You’re still sitting in the medical bay when Bucky comes in to see you. You had been waiting for them to tell you that you could go back to your room so that you could rest there. They had told you that it wouldn’t be wise to phase and use up your strength.
It feels like he just appears into the room, even though you know all he did was walk in. But the pain killers are making you feel a little loopy, and you think he looks like an angel.
The handsome soldier looks worried for us.
“Fuck, I’m going to kill the man that did this to you,” he bites out. He comes closer to where you’re laying in the bed. Your shadows wrap around his torso as he comes closer. He looks at them in confusion. You want to call them back but you don’t have the strength. He looks good like that.
Like he is ours.
“Is this a good thing?” he asks. He sits down in the chair next to your bed. You shrug in response. You watch as the shadows swirl lazily around him, brushing his face and running down his arms. You wish you could do that with your hands.
“You scared me, doll,” he said gruffly. He grabs your hand. You look down at where your hands are connected before meeting his gaze. He does look worried for you. You look away from his intense stare. But you don’t pull away. It feels too nice. You squeeze lightly.
“I’m fine,” you tell him.
“It doesn’t seem like it,” he says.
“It’s just a bullet wound. You get those all the time,” you accuse.
“I heal faster than you do,” he counters. “Super serum.”
You wave your free hand dismissively. “It’ll heal eventually.”
“I should’ve been there,” he says. He looks agitated.
“Why?”
“To protect you,” he says forcefully. “To carry you back when you got hurt so you didn’t have to phase back here. I know that takes more out of you than you like to admit.”
For a moment, you’re rendered speechless. You hadn’t realized that that was why he did that after the missions you were on together. Because he saw you. Because he paid attention to the way the phasing made your body tired if you did it too much in a row. How everyone always expected you to do it because it's faster and that’s what you’re made for and why else would they put you on this mission if they didn’t want to use you for this exact reason?
But Bucky is looking at you like you’re the only thing that matters. Like he cares if you’re in pain or if you’re tired of doing the same mission over and over and over again, even if you know it’s all for the greater good. The shadows are still wrapped around him, and you swear they get even closer to him as he’s watching you.
“Next time, I’ll ask them to put you on the roster,” you tell him. You know that that isn’t how it works. You never chose who goes with you on the mission. You do what they tell you to and nothing more. It’s better that way. But the way Bucky’s face softens makes up for it all. He leans in and kisses your forehead.
“Get some rest, doll,” he says. He moves to leave. But your hand shoots out and a wall of shadow blocks his path. He stops and looks back at you in alarm.
“Baby, you shouldn’t-” he starts.
You know. You’re already feeling the strain that using that much power has taken out of you. You’re too tired to register that fact that he called you baby like he wants you. You’re too focused on making him stay. “Please don’t go,” you pant. “N-not yet.” The shadow wall drops, but the personal shadows stay wrapped around him.
“Fuck, you’re going to kill me,” he mutters. “Askin’ all cute like that.” He comes back to sit down beside you quickly, taking your hand again. You don’t have much time to think after that as you pass out. You don’t remember much of that first night.
But for the rest of the nights to come, you dream about Bucky staying next to you and you rest easy.
~
Bucky stays with you throughout your recovery, bringing you food and staying until you fall asleep. The shadows always wrapped around him when he was close. To your dismay, you were unable to stop them, even when you had gained most of your strength back. They seemed to love him as much as you did, which you hadn’t thought was possible.
You always apologized profusely to Bucky for the way the shadows seemed to follow him around. Bucky didn’t mind though. “I like having you wrapped around me,” he had said with a gleam in his eye.
It had been hard to contain the shadows' excitement at that. He wants us he wants us he wants us-
You simply flushed and looked away, but not before catching his smirk. He was messing with you. He had to know how you felt about him by now. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be teasing you like this.
You do your best to try to avoid him again once you’re better. You stay in your room. You don’t go on any new missions, claiming that you still need recovery time even though you really don’t. Your arm has never felt better. You just can’t look at Bucky anymore. If he teases you one more time, you’re going to tackle him to the ground and demand that he fuck you until you forget your own name.
It’s problematic to say the least.
~
“Just tell him,” Natasha tells you firmly.
You’re finally sparring with her again. The doctor had cleared you to start training, telling you to take it easy with your arm. You had missed her. You told her all about how Bucky had been torturing you and about how much he meant to you now that he had seemingly gone out of his way to care for you.
“I can’t, Nat. People don’t like me-” You throw a punch that she easily deflects.
“That’s completely ridiculous-”She feints and throws a punch to your stomach that knocks the wind out of you.
“I-it’s not.” You cough out.
“Look,” she says impatiently, cutting the fight and placing her hands on her hips. “I know what you’ve been through. No one trusts you. They all think that you’re spying on them and that you’re going to spill all of their secrets to the whole world. It’s what every spy in the whole world goes through.”
“People like you though. You don't have a physical reminder of what you can do at any given time,” you say as you gesture to the shadows that are always lingering around you. “No one wants to see them.”
We will not abandon you, the shadows say seriously as they always do when this topic of conversation comes up. You’ve come to appreciate it fondly. But no one understands them as you do. And no one can hear them as you can.
“Apparently, Barnes does,” she says wryly, glancing at the door.
Your gaze snaps to the side, watching as Steve and Bucky come into the gym. You’ve never seen them here when you and Nat are. Bucky’s gaze is glued to yours. Your shadows zoom to him, and brush against his cheek as they wrap around him. Hello, handsome. You panic even though you know that Bucky can’t hear them.
“I might have told Barnes that you’d be here with me,” Natasha says to you quietly. “He got very interested in seeing you.”
Tell them sneaky one that we love her and that she is a goddess.
“Hey, doll,” Bucky calls to you.
You give him a weak smile before turning back to Natasha. “Let’s go again.” You lunge at her, and she dodges predictably. But not before you step into her shadow, and phase right through it. You can hear her as you phase, “Oh for fuck’s sake-” But you’re already back in your room.
What Natasha had said was true. But you weren’t ready to face that just yet. Just like you weren’t ready to deal with the look of disappointment on Bucky’s face as you ran away.
~
It all comes to a head when F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice comes over the intercom in the tower as you’re sitting in the living room. “Mr. Stark has requested your presence at once for an urgent meeting.”
“How urgent?” you ask. You know that it could be anything with Stark. It could be as trivial as he wants to see who’s free to go to Korean barbeque tonight or as serious as another alien invasion of the city. You never really knew what the hell Stark considered urgent.
“He requires you for a stealth mission along with Sergeant Barnes.”
We get to see our handsome soldier again?
“He’s not our anything,” you said quietly. You close your eyes tightly. Of course it had to be Bucky. There’s a war going on in your head. On the one hand, you want to see him so bad it kills you. On the other hand, you don’t want to entertain the possibility that he likes you. Liking you meant that he could leave. Your heart couldn’t take that. You know it couldn’t.
But you tell F.R.I.D.A.Y that you’ll be there. You walk to the shadow of the table in the room. You hesitate for just a moment before shadow traveling to the conference room. You melt out of Stark’s shadow. Just to freak him out as punishment, even if he didn’t know what he was being punished for. Even if he didn’t know he was being punished at all.
“What- Jesus!” Stark yelps. “God, I hate it when you do that,” He shudders.
You hear a chuckle come from your right. You look over to find Bucky grinning at you. You’ve never seen him smile like that. It’s devastating. You gave him a quick smile back before looking back at Stark.
“Sorry,” you deadpan.
“Sure, Shadow Princess or whatever the hell you are,” he rolls his eyes.
“I’ve already told you. I’m not-” you begin.
“Anyway!” he continues. “I need you and Barnes to infiltrate a Hydra compound. We need intel on their next move. We got word that they’re planning to set bombs at different museums in the city. We need to know when and where, and if they’ve already set them up.”
You nod absently, your gaze glued to the floor. He’s looking at us.
You ignore them.
“When do we leave?” Bucky asks.
“Tonight,” Stark says. “We need Shadow Princess at her best.”
Your jaw clenched. You were ready to threaten to seriously injure Stark but before you could, Bucky speaks from beside you. “Leave her alone, Tony.”
Your gaze snaps to Bucky, but he’s looking right back at you. Your shadows are wrapped around him like they always are these days. I like having you wrapped around me, you can hear him say. You flush at the memory, breaking his heated stare. You try to mentally call your shadows back but to no avail.
We wish to be close to our lovely defender, they purr.
“Sure, Prince Charming. God forbid the Lady’s honor be tarnished in front of you.” He mocks while putting his hand up in surrender.
Stark was never allowed to know how the thought of Bucky being your Prince Charming makes you want to burst into a million little pieces. You ask more about the mission to get the thought out of your head. You learn that a car is going to drive you to the warehouse that Hydra is hiding in. The job is to just get in and out as quietly as possible. Easy enough. Stark leaves to go make preparations which leaves you and Bucky left in the conference room. You jump up, ready to melt into the shadows again but Bucky’s hand wraps gently around your wrist.
“Wait a second, doll” he says.
Since you could never deny Bucky anything, you sit back down gingerly and look at him. He released your wrist slowly, fingers trailing along your arm as he pulled back as if he couldn't bear to let go. Your shadows are still swirling around him, at his neck and his chest.
He feels delightful, they sigh.
“You runnin’ away again?” Bucky asks.
“I didn’t run from you, per se-”
“Definitely seemed like it the other day.”
You look down at the table. “Just wasn’t feeling well.”
“I see,” he says quietly. The silence crawls across your skin. You hate this. You hate lying to him but what other option do you have? He can’t know that you love him like you need to breathe. He can’t know that you want him around all the time and that you never want him to stop looking at you like you matter.
“I know you watch us all. Just choose not to let anyone see you there,” he says suddenly. You look up into his burning gaze. You stand up again, ready to phase out of this room as fast as possible but then Bucky is standing up with you and quickly pinning you to the table before you can reach for the nearest shadow. His arms are caging you in between him and the table. He’s so close you can smell him, a heady mix of pine and leather.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you. Wanna tell me what you were doing there that night, doll?” he says lowly. You know which night he’s talking about immediately. You thought you were in the clear. It’s been weeks.
“I-I just wanted to train but I didn’t want to bother you guys,” you say lamely. You cringe. It’s a terrible lie and you know it.
Tell our soldier how much we liked watching him, the shadows demand. Tell him how much we wanted him on top of us, driving inside of us-
“So you stayed to watch?” he says skeptically. “There are other gyms in the tower.”
“Bucky-” you start, flustered from both him and the things the shadows are telling you to do. You’re very overwhelmed and suddenly, he’s even closer. His chest almost pressed against yours. He’s so warm. His hand grabs your chin gently but firmly.
“Look at me, doll,” he says. So you do. He’s got that tiny smile on his face that you love. You want to kiss him now more than you ever have. You know that he would be gentle, that he would taste like heaven on your tongue. Kiss him! the shadows beg.
“I know you watch me more than the others when we have those stupid activity nights” he says. His other arm, the metal one, is slowly sliding around your waist. It’s making your whole body flare with heat. “Sometimes, the shadows flicker around you and let me see you. They wave at me. I know they like me.” He pointedly glances down at the way the shadows are wrapped around you both.
“T-They like Nat, too.” you try to defend.
“That’s true,” he admits. “But they don’t ever wrap around her like a goddamn glove, do they?”
You let out a shaky breath as you shake your head. No. They don’t. A slight brush across her cheek. A quick wave. That’s all they do for Natasha. But they wrap around Bucky like a lover, clinging to his skin as if he’s a shadow whisperer and not you.
He sees us, they whisper in awe. He knows us.
“You begged me to stay with you in the med bay.” He’s still so close to you. His hips are pressed directly against yours and you want nothing more than to rock against him. “Got me thinkin’...”
“ Bucky,” you say desperately. “Please, I can’t-”
“You want me, doll. I know you do. But you’re holdin’ back.” He brushes the lightest of kisses against your cheek. “Tell me why,” he begs.
You bite your lip hard to contain the pathetic whine threatening to leave your chest. You try to move your feet, if you could just step back into the shadow under the table-
Before you can enact this thought, Bucky grabs your thighs and lifts you so you’re sitting on top of the table. He wraps your legs around his waist, effectively cutting you off from any of the shadows on the floor. You glance desperately out the window. It’s 10 in the morning. It won’t be dark for a while.
“Can’t have you phasing away from me,” he says. “Not when you still haven’t told me what you’re so afraid of.”
You can feel all of him. His hands are gripping your thighs tight so that you don’t try to run again. It’s sending a rush of pleasure through you that you’re unable to fight. You can feel the heat building in your core and you know that he can feel it. You place your hands on his shoulders. Your plan had been to push him away, but instead you end up pulling him even closer. You’re just so tired of resisting this and denying yourself of him. His lips brush against yours ever so slightly, and you feel something in your chest snap. You pull back.
“I love you,” you blurt out.
Bucky stares at you in shock. But you keep going.
“I’ve been in love with you for so long. You’re the only one who isn’t scared of the darkness that I have following me around. You’re the only one that cares about if my power drains me or not. I think about you all the time and when you’re not here, I feel like I’m dying because the shadows always whine about how they can’t feel you when you’re not around and that means I can’t either-” you ramble. You know that you’re spewing far too much information at a time like this. But you can’t help it.
“Doll-”
“And that scares me because I’ve never loved anyone like that in my life. No one has ever made me feel like you do and I don’t even know what to do about it-”
“ Doll-” The naked affection in his eyes could bring you to your knees if you were paying attention closer but you’re not because you can’t stop confessing.
“And the shadows whisper about how they want you all the time and they get touch you all the damn time but I can’t and it kills me-”
Bucky shuts you up by slamming his mouth into yours. You once thought his kiss would feel like a refreshing cool breeze in summer. Gentle and warm. This kiss is as strong and demanding as a hurricane. His grip on your thighs tightens and you tilt your hips forward to get rid of the aching pressure that’s developing low in your belly. You moan and slide your arms around his shoulders when you feel how hard he is.
He pulls away. “I love you, too,” he breathes. He’s tilting your head back so he can place kiss after kiss down your neck. He bites down and sucks hard at a spot just behind your neck. You whine and arch your back as heat travels down your spine.
“Please,” you gasp. You grasp his face to bring him into another bruising kiss. You want to burn this feeling into your brain forever so you never forget just how good it feels.
“What do you want, baby?’ he rasps. “I’ll give you anything.” He grinds his hips down hard into yours, dragging his cock over your clit through the leggings you’re wearing. You keen high in your throat as you get closer and closer to the edge. He hasn’t even gotten you naked and you’re already so weak for him.
“ You. Inside me. Please,” You can’t even think straight with the way he’s making you feel.
He lets out a groan at that. Bucky plunges his hand into your leggings. The heat of his hand against your core makes you gasp before his fingers slide through your aching cunt. “ Fuck, ” Bucky rasps. “Are you always this wet for me?”
You nod frantically and your hips jerk as he circles around your clit with two fingers, stroking with just the right amount of pressure. The heat pooling in your abdomen is making you feel wild. Your shadows are begging you to drag him inside of you. Please, let us be one with our handsome soldier. You grab Bucky’s face to kiss him again as more moans spill from your mouth. When he shoves two of his thick fingers inside of you, you have to pull away with another gasp.
“You feel so good.” You could swear that there’s awe in his voice as he pumps his fingers deep inside of you.
You begin to claw at your clothing. You feel like you’re on fire and you want absolutely nothing between the two of you. Bucky briefly pulls away so he can help you pull your leggings off but when your shirt comes off, he immediately swoops down to suck one of your nipples into his mouth while plunging his fingers back inside of you. The dual stimulation brings you closer and closer to the edge. He’s rubbing against that spot inside of you with each drag on his fingers and you feel like the whole world is tilting from how good it feels, but it isn’t enough.
“ Bucky,” you moan.
He pulls his mouth away from your breast. His eyes are more black than blue and you think that he’s never looked more attractive to you in your life. He unbuttons his pants and shoves them down to his thighs. When he pulls his boxers out, his cock is revealed and you whimper at the sight. He’s big.
Bucky groans again and pulls you into a kiss so hot, your toes curl. “Stop looking at me like that, doll, or this is going to be over before it starts,” he warns.
“Yes, sir,” you say teasingly.
You watch Bucky’s cock twitch at the words and before you can even smirk at the sight, he’s delivering a bruising kiss to your lips. You wrap your legs around his waist to bring him close again. Bucky grabs his cock to line it up with your entrance and slows begins pushing his way in. When his hips are flush with yours, the long groan you let out comes from deep within. He fills you up in a way you’ve never experienced before and you think you could die right now and it wouldn’t matter because life couldn’t be better than this.
“Fuck, you’re tight,” he groans in your ear. When he starts moving, it’s slow and steady. You wrap your legs around his hips tight. Your hands are in his hair as you bring his mouth back to yours. The grinding against the spot deep inside you is making you frantic to come. You’ve been so close this whole time but you want to go with him.
“P-please, need more,” you beg. You’re doing a lot of that but you’re too far gone to care.
Bucky starts slamming into you. He keeps up a string of praises that are doing more to you than anything he’s physically doing. Such a good girl for me, soaking my cock so perfect, and so gorgeous keep falling from his perfect mouth. He’s got you wound tighter and tighter with each word and thrust.
“Can feel you tightening around me, baby,” he breathes. His fingers find your clit again and begins rubbing furious little circles. “Wanna see you come all over my cock”
And who are you to disobey him? You cry out as you come, an explosion of stars crossing your vision. Bucky follows after you shortly after, moaning your name as he comes deep inside of you. You can feel the warmth of him as he fills you completely. You never want this to end. For a moment, you both don’t move, coming down from the best sex you’ve ever had.
When he starts to soften, he pulls out gently. You wince from overstimulation and the rush of come that leaks out. The next few moments feel peaceful. You get dressed, still staying as close as possible. Now that you know how he feels, you don’t ever want to be apart from him. Once you’re all dressed again, you hesitate. Where did this leave you? He loves you but what if he doesn’t want-
Bucky tugs on a strand of your hair and tucks it behind your ear. “Hey,” he says softly. “I can hear you thinkin’. I’m not going anywhere, doll.”
For the first time in your life, you believe it.