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no rack can torture me

Summary:

"Why don't you just quit?" A rather familiar voice says.

Robin turns around. As she expected, the tiny Masked Fool girl is standing behind her, with a big smile.

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Sparkle gives Robin some life advice.

Notes:

written for YSO 2025 Bonus Round 7! the prompt is "Using fashion to subtly flag as queer"

anyway surprisingly there didn't end up really being much of anything about transmasc robin here but I guess it's worth noting that I do believe in that (transmasc bigender lesbian robin) in general. maybe I'll write more about that another time

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Sweet, soft, innocent, gentle, clean, faultless, kind. A good, perfect girl. As an idol, that's the image Robin must perpetually project.

As cameras and eyes follow her with every step she takes, for her every waking hour, the popular Miss Robin has to appear in an intensely controlled way. She must be polished, unblemished and delicate in every gesture she makes—every action she takes—every look on her face—every little last detail in her attire and makeup. Total professionality is a must at all times, but at the same time, she must always also sprinkle in a little bit of a 'relatable' friendly girl-next-door persona in her words and gestures when speaking and act like she adores her fans personally to strengthen their emotional attachment to her. In addition, Robin has now learned from experience that as long as her face can be caught by the public's eyes or cameras, she should never really have any expression on her face that isn't strictly a 'in-character', friendly polite smile of an situationally-appropriate emotion, gravity and size which isn't too natural but also doesn't look too unnatural. Anything other than that is a potential invitation for rumours and trouble, and at worst an actual scandal.

Robin also needs to seduce the audience with provocations that inspire their imagination, but absolutely never in any way that isn't incredibly coy, ladylike and demure. And it's important that she has to look strong, confident and positive at all times, no matter what she's really feeling, but she must also make sure to never look too strong, confident or assertive, to stay perfectly within the lines of that perfect good girl character, and what's expected of women and womanhood (what Robin obviously is considered to be… and what she is rather like a quintessential poster example of, if anything, in the eyes of the world). And last but not least, she should always appear to the world as forever the very personification of hyperfemininity, and even within that, it still has to be exclusively in a fashion that is considered both respectful and desirable by general society.

After all, in the eyes of this world, Robin is 'Robin'. The young and renowned cosmic queen of music, and a universal idol of all times. Being—in practice, anyway—one of the most highly-valued products based on popularity across the galaxy, Robin is watched closely by everyone at all times, and must never stop continuously altering and maintaining herself to maximize her 'appeal', so she can optimally suit the needs of the market and cater to the customers, even when that requires her to cover her face until no trace of it is visible, and dress herself up, until she can no longer recognize the person in the mirror.

A cage. A wide, invisible gilded cage that follows her everywhere she goes in this universe, made with the lenses of unstopping flashing cameras (Nowadays, Robin frequently feels like she possibly hears shuttering noises or feels the eyes of hidden cameras around the place when there really seems to be none. It's a sort of paranoia that's too substantiated to get rid of.) and watchful eyes that remind her slightly of the imagery she used to see on religious paintings in their second home when she was younger. A shapeless, colourless, boundless cage, that seperates her from the rest of the world… as well as herself. The perfect picture Robin works hard to project is plastered over every board and building, sold on every shelf and adored in frames, but all at the silent expense of the real person suffocating underneath.

Such is the price Robin pays. The price to be 'Robin', to sing for people, and to stay in a position where she holds the power and resources to pursue the goals she wants to pursue, further the causes she believes in… and realize the dream she and her brother promised to make come true, together. For all of those things, she really wants to hold strong, but sometimes, it truly is difficult.

"Why not just quit?"

…What?

"Why don't you just quit?" A rather familiar voice says.

Robin turns around. As she expected, the tiny Masked Fool girl is standing behind her, with a big smile.

"Silly Robin," Sparkle chirps gleefully. "If you really want to be free so very badly, you should just quit your job once and for all."

It's none of your business, Masked Fool, Robin almost says. Then she remembers this is Sparkle she is talking to, and based on her several past encounters with her over the recent few weeks, that is sure to be be a wasted sentence on Sparkle.

"I won't do that," she says instead, with determination in her eyes. Robin has considered that idea before, multiple times in fact, but that's also how she has already come to a decision: she's not leaving. Not permanently.

"No?" Sparkle widens her eyes, a bit comically. "Why not, my dear little bird in a big wide cage?"

"I don't expect you to understand it," Robin replies. Despite what she says, her tone isn't really as cold as it might've been when dealing with this girl in the past, and she isn't really saying this to be cold; rather, it genuinely doesn't seem like Sparkle would comprehend such a sentiment. "But, as a singer… as myself, I really don't wish to turn my back on the audience."

"The audience? Ah, don't tell me!" Sparkle cries in mock surprise. "It's actually true that you love every single one of your fans personally with all your heart?! Oh no, you can't do this. You're already moving a sensitive girl to tears…"

Robin makes a face, just slightly. She still doesn't really like the tiny Masked Fool, but she has to admit (just in her heart, though, or else she'll probably never hearing the end of it) that her strange little quirks can be a little endearing—and funny, too, but oddly, maybe not exactly in the way they're meant to be funny. "You know that's not what I mean, Sparkle."

"I'm not talking about the stalkers, you know? Although there's that too," says Sparkle. "Among your billions of 'fans' over this whole galaxy… Imagine it, how many people only love a totally wrong idea of who they think you are, or want you to be? Probably wayyyyyyyy more than the rest of them, don't you think?" She sighed dramatically. "So tragic. You must really hate that, since you're doing so much to try to tell everyone at least a little bit more about your true character… right, Robin?"

Saying so, Sparkle not-so-subtly eyes the three little dots under Robin's left eye. Robin makes no denial or comment.

"It's so obvious! You don't even want make it hard for people to get it. Of course, not everyone is going to get the point of docs and flannel, even when you clearly try to include those in casual photos every time you have a chance (Am I right? I'm totally right!). But those people know what the lesbian flag looks like. Too bad it doesn't fit with the role they want you to play in their stories, so they won't accept it~ … Oh, but I know, there are a few more hidden little clues! You can't fool a clever girl with sharp eyes~" She announces with a proud smirk. "My dear Robin, did you know? I specially took a week just to hunt them down. Fashion aside, I found so many of them in your lyrics and live shows! In fact, I even figured out what you did with the total number of lines in your second album."

To be honest, the smug and excited expression Sparkle is looking at her with—her clearly hoping for an amazed reaction—is kind of cute. But unfortunately, Robin will have to disappoint her a bit this time. It's true that Robin sometimes does that a little with her lyrics and shows, but…

"…I didn't think you would put so much effort into that," Robin says, a bit impressed. "Um, I never counted the total number of lines in my second album, though. I'm not sure what you think I have done with it, but I'm afraid it wasn't intentional."

Sparkle's face falls. She puffs, a bit irritated. "Hm… Anyway!" Her sighs fall on Robin's fingers. "Nice nails. How pretty." She eyes them longingly, then turns to give her a cheerful grin. "Oh, that photo where the lighting was edited to emphasize that only your first two nails are trimmed short was soooo funny. Do you know the comments are still arguing about its potential symbolism to this day?" Sparkle giggles, then leans closer to stare at the taller person intently. "Was that why your PR let you get away with posting it on your public account for everybody to see, Robin? Because no matter what you ever do, nobody will see you anyway?"

Robin has no answer to that. Sparkle takes her silence as an affirmative answer, which isn't be entirely wrong.

"That's what I'm talking about, you know? The more famous you get, the more eyes will be on you, and the more invisible you become, and the more you'll be strung around by everyone. But… since I'm such a sweet, gentle and kindhearted girl, I'll help you out and let you in on a little secret. If you truly want to be free, my little bird?" She pauses mysteriously, then leans close to Robin's ears, so close that she can feel her hot breath on her skin. "Don't try to let anyone see your truth at all. In fact, you should make sure they don't~"

Robin stares. "…What?"

"I mean, you already know how it's like in the industry, no? It's true for life too, though. If you want to be free, you can't let yourself be caught up in someone else's play! If you let yourself be seen, they will catch you, and then they'll keep you in their cages, their shows, all their stories… for~e~ver~!" Sparkle draws the word out in a theatrical, sing-song tone. "And then you sing and act and perform for their sakes until you die. But my dear Robin… is that what your heart want? The songs you write tell me no. So why don't you try something different? There's no point in trying to make the world know who you truly are. The audience will never see you for 'real' either way… so why not take the pen away from them? Write your own script for yourself. Tell your own stories, make sure to lie every time! Create your own characters to act as, so you don't have to play the ones they force you to play any longer. You can be everything in the world that you're not! That's the only way you'll really be free from the cage, isn't it?"

Robin ponders in silence. To her surprise, she finds that she does understand what Sparkle is trying to tell her, to an extent. However…

"Sparkle, there's something I'm curious about," she states, when she breaks the silence.

Sparkle lifts her eyebrows in an exaggerated manner. "Uh-huh?"

"I have a question. Why did you come here to give me this advice?"

Sparkle stares at her. A second later, she stops staring, and smiles dreamily. "Oh, that? Haven't I told you already, Robin?" She sighs dramatically. "It's because I'm too much of a gentle and purehearted good girl~ When I see someone struggling, I couldn't help but want to help out!"

"That's not what I meant, Sparkle. I'm asking this question seriously. I want the real answer."

"Hmm? The 'real' answer?" Sparkle makes her eyes wider and wider. "Ooooooh, I see. Now let me tell you the real reason, my dear songbird… Well, it's really quite simple! You know, I was just being a very simple girl who really just wanted to get some ice-cream this morning, on a normal day, but poor little me… Oh no, I had no cash on me. That's when someone I didn't know, wearing a mask all over their face and using an automated voice enhancer, fell from the sky above, and came over to give me a script of what they would pay me to recite to Robin for. Well, I was about to literally die on the sidewalk without my ice-cream, so I took the job with no questions! And well, that's why I'm here~ That's all, Robin!" She looks at her expectantly. "Are you satisfied with my answer?"

Well, Robin is so satisfied with it that she's almost speechless. "…I'm not sure I believe that happened to you, Sparkle."

"Oh, no!" cries Sparkle with great shock and agony. "Ugh, I simply cannot believe you saw through my meticulous, devious deception! Fine. Fine! Should that be the case, I may as well simply allow you the grace of the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Oh, you must understand… the real truth is, well, the name you thought you know as 'Sparkle', is actually no more than one of the many faces of The Devil… the secretly hidden Aeon of Evil they're too afraid to even teach you about in school." (By this point, Robin should have made it clear on her face that she has already given up on this tale, but Sparkle keeps going.) "Well, it so happens that one single individual in this galaxy is simply so good, kind, altruistic and pure of heart that he cannot be permitted to exist in this world, as it will lead to the downfall of the entire Path of Evil. That's why I have come to visit this world with the sole intent being to tempt and corrupt that impossibly good individual, whose mysterious identity you may never be able to guess, into a being of sin, of deceit, of melted ice-cream, and—"

"Sparkle," Robin stops her, frowning. "Like I said, I want the true reason."

"Hey!" Sparkle whines, like she's about to cry. "You can't just interrupt me like that, even if I'm just lying… Augh. Ow. It hurts. It hurts so much. Must I really tell you the—the truth? My secret… Oh, you're so cruel, so cold, my darling beautiful angel. But if you insist like this… How could I ever refuse you? I wish I could, and yet, you see, my heart refuses to comply. So here is the truth, my truth… here I lay my heart bare to you. Please, protect it carefully, won't you? I… I… You, Robin, of the Oak Family. The true, true, real truth is, ever since my eyes saw you for the first time, my poor, assassinated heart has been captured and trapped in thrall of the most wonderful, most beautiful, most sweetest, most loveliest ever soul in the history of the universe, you, who ate my ice-cream heart with but a single gulp—"

"Sparkle," Robin sighs. "Please tell me the real reason."

"Ugh!" Sparkle stomps her feet angrily. "Just what do you have against ice-cream?! If you want the real truth that badly… Fine!" She suddenly breaks into a smile, and begins to talk in an upbeat tone. "Alright~ Let me tell you the real reason! It's just because I felt like doing something random, and see how you'd react, Robin. That's realistic enough, no? But, but, but… who knows? Maybe that was also a lie, hmmm? No, my dear Robin. Actually, it's because I kind of saw my past self in you, so I thought, well, I should help you out. Simple as that!" She shrugs, then winks. "Unless… that's not very true? Hmmm. Makes you wonder, right~ What if it's actually because someone somewhere did tell me to do this? And maybe you know that person, or maybe not? But they paid a price for me to keep secret, so you won't ever find out… How's this explanation, huh? Don't you think it's possible? But hey! Maybe I'm lying again. Maybe, the truth is actually parts and bits from all these stories mixed together! Maybe only one of them is actually true. Or maybe all of them are just total lies with no connection to reality…" She giggles happily. "So, what do you think? What's the 'real' reason, Robin?"

Robin looks at her for a long moment. "…I see."

"Huh?"

"Thank you for the advice, Sparkle," Robin says abruptly, with a sincere look on her face, "I genuinely really appreciate it."

"Uh?" Sparkle stares at her, surprised and confused. "But…"

"And for my answer: I'm sorry. That isn't the path I want to follow in life."

Sparkle seems to realize something. "Oh, Robin, you just don't get it yet! Hmmm… how do I explain it? The thing is, you can never actually be free unless you stop taking all of that bullshit seriously. As long as you still give a shit about anything society thinks—that means any rules, conventions, morals, faith, justice, whatever—you're never going to be free. That's just how it is!"

"It's not about society, though. What I care about is what I myself believe in, Sparkle."

"Then, simple! Just don't believe in any of those things. Don't you realize it yet? As long as you truly care about anything that involves any others, you'll be bound by it forever~ If you care about being a moral person or not doing bad things, you'll always have to worry about a bunch of rules that'll control you, and you'll have many limits, which is always a downer, right? And if you care about having a good name, that too will trap you, and is no fun at all."

"Ah… I'm afraid that's where we differ, then," Robin tells her, with a slight smile on her face. "Actually, I didn't manage to finish speaking earlier. I wanted to say… I don't wish to turn my back on my audience, but far more importantly, it's because I don't wish to turn my back on myself. For those who believe in me, and those who I believe in… and even more, for all of my own goals and promises, everything I myself believe in, I will carry on on the path I've chosen for myself. And, with that… Sparkle, that's the way in which I want to write my own story."

"Well, too bad!" Sparkle comments, making a face at her. "If that's how our little birdie want to live her life, she'll just be trapped in the big cage all to the end~"

"Perhaps you're right," admits Robin. "But I want to believe that isn't so… One day, I'll make my dream come true."

"Hmmm…" Sparkle looks mildly sulky, but she quickly adjusts to it. "Alright. Whatever happens, all I care about is that it'll be entertaining enough to be make a good show!"

"And before that day can arrive… I want to be myself," Robin continues quietly. "Even if no one can really see me."

Notes:

As always, comments are strongly appreciated (even when I don't reply, please know I always do read them and they make me very happy). So if you liked my fic, please feel free to tell me about it!

oh and yes the title is from Emily Dickinson's poetry