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To be clear, Zam isn’t seeking attention or anything.
Alright — not entirely true. The reasonings behind all the terrible decisions she’s been making lately are right in front of her now; Mapicc’s got her pinned to the wall next to her and Derap’s front door, kissing her like he needs her to breath, and it’s entirely because they both know Derap’s going to leave and see them at any minute. And he’s going to be mad about it, which is going to make Mapicc feel real vindicated, and in the end Zam gets a hell of a lot more affection from him than she normally would.
So it’s kind of Mapicc’s fault, actually. If this is the only way to make things work, then sure — she’ll happily date Derap. He’s not the worst guy in the world.
Speak of the devil.
The door opens with a shudder, clearly getting somewhat stuck on the first attempt, and Zam can feel Mapicc doubling down from kind of sweet to suddenly passionate the moment they hear it.
“Great,” comes Derap’s deadpan voice, “can you two do that, like, anywhere else?”
Mapicc pulls back — a disappointment to Zam, personally — and gives Derap a terrible attempt at surprise. “Oh, didn’t see you there. Morning, Derapchu.”
“It’s four in the afternoon,” Derap returns. His eyes dart down to Mapicc’s hands, shifting securely around Zam’s waist, and the latter suppresses her grin at the movement. “Can you move?”
“We’re not in your way,” Zam says, feigning innocence. Unfortunately, boyfriend or not, there’s something deeply satisfying about the way Derap’s face furrows entirely.
“Right,” Derap grits out. “Well. I have a shift, so. See you later.”
He shoots Mapicc another scowl and begins to walk off. Which neither of the others have a problem with, of course, until Zam remembers—
“Wait!”
She untangles herself from Mapicc and goes to take Derap’s arm, spinning him around until they’re face to face. After a quick moment to relish in his surprise, she tugs him down for a kiss. And she maybe lingers for a second or two more than necessary before sending him on his way.
It’s well worth it when she turns around, though.
Mapicc’s wearing an expression that’s almost inarguably a glare, which switches to intensity very suddenly when Zam meets his eyes.
“You’re just trying to piss me off,” he accuses.
The corner of Zam’s mouth ticks up. “I have no idea what you mean. I was just kissing my boyfriend goodbye.”
“Uh huh,” says Mapicc.
“Which is completely normal, as you know.”
“Right.” Mapicc’s eyes are steely.
Zam rocks back on her heels, folding her hands behind her back in a gesture of simple curiosity. The front door is still wide open next to Mapicc, and it takes less than a second for her to fantasise a trajectory that’ll get them both inside.
“Well, then,” she says, “What are you going to do about it?”
With an eye roll, Mapicc strides forward to take her back in his arms, barely waiting a moment before tugging her inside, kicking the door shut behind them before continuing on where they left off.
For their shared living arrangements, Derap had picked out the sort of apartment meant for couples, because of course he had. It makes nights where they have fights all the less comfortable, but it does guarantee that Zam never sleeps alone.
Getting to share the bed with Mapicc is never an overnight ordeal. It would be strange for him to stay over at Zam’s anyway, given the presence of her other partner, but he also just acts averse to cuddling up with her that long at all. Acts being a key operative word here, because she knows he curls up to her automatically as soon as he gets sleepy, so he really can’t hate it that much.
Today, Mapicc doesn’t hesitate to drop them onto the bed and push her up against the headboard, burying kisses all the way around her neck as he travels slowly forward in her lap. Zam lifts her head to give him access, her smile clear on her face and probably obvious to Mapicc even though his focus is diverted elsewhere.
It’s when Mapicc starts to snake warm hands under her shirt that they’re interrupted.
Zam’s phone blares suddenly, ringing with an especially shrill pop song that signifies that yes, that’s Bacon, and he’s about to start bitching at her. With an apologetic glance at Mapicc — who has drawn away but looks reasonably pissed all the same, she shuffles away and grabs the phone from her nightstand.
“I’ll just be a second,” she assures him, ignoring the way he grumbles under his breath. Picking up the call, she asks, “What?”
“Yo, is Mapicc with you? We haven’t heard from him since—”
“Yes, he is,” Zam interrupts. It’s nothing important, she gathers, which means she’s missing out on getting to properly make out with Mapicc for literally nothing. “We’re busy. What’s wrong?”
“You’re—? Oh,” Bacon says suddenly. “Well, uh, in that case. You feeding him after?”
“He’s not a dog, he can feed himself.”
Mapicc glances up, brow furrowed. “You’re not making me dinner?”
“Mapicc,” she scolds exasperatedly.
“If he’s not home in the next half hour, he’s your responsibility,” Bacon tells her. “And Hannah and I will be making it a cute date night, so.”
“I genuinely do not give a shit about your cute date night,” Zam returns, her tone flat. And she really doesn’t, too — it’s not like she’s dating either of them.
Mapicc, on the other hand, very much is. He perks up immediately. “They’re what? Zam, what?”
“Don’t worry about it.” With a firm click, Zam ends the call and tosses her phone next to her. “I thought you were planning to spend the evening with me anyway.”
“I was,” Mapicc says, though he looks torn. “But, like, date night.”
“Forget that and come back here,” Zam insists. “Let them get some alone time, they deserve it. Right now, I want you here.”
With that, she reaches out to tug him back in — and she finds no resistance.
It’s difficult to send Mapicc home at the end of the evening, when Derap is due back and it’d be too awkward to have them both here.
On one hand, yeah, Zam loves all of this. She’s got both her boyfriends wrapped around her fingers, pressing as close as they can so they might push the other out. At the end of the day, it’s not as though she has to choose between them; nothing has to change, necessarily. It’s just also not really… sustainable.
Can she really see herself doing this in ten years’ time? Five years, even? She doesn’t think Derap would have the patience for that, and she knows Mapicc won’t.
And she really, really doesn’t want to lose Mapicc.
She gives him something quick to eat — she’s got leftover curry and rice from last night — then sits at the table to watch him scarf it down. At least she can take pride in the fact he looks decently flushed, clear signs of their evening tucked above his collarbones.
Mapicc freezes mid-bite and frowns at Zam. “What?”
“What?” Zam echoes.
“You’re staring.”
“I’m not.”
“You are,” says Mapicc. Then adds, a little too carelessly, “Not that I’m complaining, just let me know now if I did something to upset you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Zam asks, tone sharp.
He shrugs. “You never tell anyone when something pisses you off, man. I’m just trying to help.”
“Okay,” says Zam. It’s really not okay, and she sort of hates it. “Okay.”
There’s a long pause, during which Mapicc polishes the plate clean and sits back. He looks at her for a moment. Then—
“Or don’t,” he sighs. “I dunno. Just… tell me if there is ever something up, yeah?”
His hand drops to hers on the table, and for a second Zam wonders if he’ll lace their fingers together. It would be romantic, she thinks detachedly, or maybe just sweet enough to make her ask him to stay over. Besides, it’s hardly like he’s unable to be sweet from time to time — she’s seen him with Hannah.
Something curls up in her chest at the thought; as if reading her mind, Mapicc withdraws his hand and clears his throat.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, maybe,” Zam replies, and something about her expression has to be at least a little pitiful because Mapicc leans over the table to kiss her before getting up to drop his plate into the sink.
He tastes of leftovers, which… yeah, that’s on Zam.
They do manage to get to the door before Derap can get home, and Zam still has half a mind to go over to the Chungpire flat with him. After the evening she’s had, Derap is the last person she wants to sleep next to.
Maybe it makes her valiant that she ends up waving Mapicc goodnight. Or maybe, more likely, it makes her selfish.
It’s just that she’s still clinging so tightly to both of them. It’s just that going home with Mapicc means too much. It’s just that he’s already gone, anyway, so what’s she supposed to do — call him back?
Behind him, the door to the stairwell swings shut, leaving Zam alone in her doorway.
She’s not sure what she wants.