Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Realistically — Euijoo knows that her room can’t remain untouched while she’s gone. 

But she always notices the little differences immediately. Her stained glass lamp that she found in a garage sale moved from the bedside dresser. Her brown and white puppy stuffed animal knocked to the ground. The door to her closet left ajar. 

It’s an odd feeling, the knowledge that life has moved on while you were gone, when it feels like everything should’ve stayed frozen in time. She had felt the same way when she visited for winter break and saw that her family had redone the whole living area, fresh paint on the walls and new furniture lining the room. It had felt like a movie set, not a real place, strange and detached, and luckily no one had questioned why she escaped to her own room to breathe again. 

“Joohee!” She calls into the hallway, hopping over her half unpacked suitcase. 

Angry little stomps echo down the second floor until they reach the doorway of Euijoo’s room. Euijoo peeks her head out of the closet, trying not to laugh at her little sister’s disgruntled face. 

“Oh my god, what?” Joohee has her arms crossed, distinctly annoyed in a way that only teenagers can master. 

“Did you take my blue shorts? You know, the ones with the little daisies on the side?”

Joohee huffs and rolls her eyes. 

“She’s going through a phase”, Euijoo’s mom had confided to her about her younger sister on the phone. Euijoo smiles, now seeing the rebellion in full force. 

“I didn’t take your ugly ass shorts. You’ve only been home for like three minutes and you’re already being fucking annoying.”

“Wow, I missed you too,” Euijoo teases.

Joohee ventures further into Euijoo’s room, crossing her arms as she surveys the messy pile on the floor. 

“Are you going to be here the whole summer?” Joohee asks, flicking her long hair off the bare shoulders of her tank top. Joohee had shot up in height during the last year, now a couple inches taller than Euijoo despite being younger, and it still shocks Euijoo to have to look up slightly to talk to her. 

“Of course, where else would I go?”

Joohee mumbles, “During winter break you spent half your time with Nico.”

As if to prove Joohee’s point, they both jump at a sudden noise outside. Bang. Followed by a series of thumps. 

Knock, knock, knock. A gentle tap on Euijoo’s second floor window. Euijoo crosses the room, unlatches the lock and throws the window open, Nico smiling her devious cat-like grin as she waits for Euijoo to yank the pane upwards.

“Are you seriously still gonna still risk breaking a leg climbing up here?” Euijoo asks in lieu of a greeting, Nico tumbling into her room once Euijoo moves aside to let her in, but they have matching wide smiles on their faces. 

“I’ve never fallen,” Nico defends, as if the validity of never falling before negates the possibility of it ever happening in the future. 

It’s been almost four months since Euijoo has seen Nico in the flesh. But even then, they only got to see each other for a moment, a brief snatch of time to catch up in between semesters, not like now with the whole summer ahead of them. 

She’s in her usual uniform for clothing during the summer. An oversized black t-shirt that covers her boxer shorts underneath. Too much jewelry — layers of necklaces, dangling earrings, chunky rings on each finger, bracelets of every kind that line her wrists. 

It takes a moment for Euijoo to take Nico in. Nico has always been one of those effortlessly beautiful girls. Even when Nico moved into the house next door ten years ago Euijoo knew it, that something about Nico was magnetic, pretty in a way that made everyone stare and look at her without even trying. 

“We have a front door, you know,” Joohee comments, disrupting Euijoo’s careful observation of Nico flopping belly first on Euijoo’s bed like she owns the place. 

“It’s easier to come in this way,” Nico argues again. Euijoo can’t imagine how scaling a trellis and crossing across the shingled roof to Euijoo’s bedroom window could be simpler than entering like a normal person, but it’s never deterred Nico from doing it every chance she gets. And truth be told, the path out of Euijoo’s window had come in handy many times to sneak out of the house in the darkness of the night. 

“Is that a belly button piercing?” Nico gestures at Joohee’s stomach, Joohee instantly wrapping her arms around her waist. 

“Oh my god,” Euijoo yells. Joohee tries to run away but Euijoo is able to catch up to her quickly, pulling her arms away from her stomach and yanking up her shirt to reveal her very clearly pierced belly button, butterfly charm and all. “What the hell. Does mom know about this?”

“Of course not! And you better not fucking tell her,” Joohee is shrill, looking around frantically at both of them. 

Euijoo turns to Nico instead of answering her sister, “Were we this naughty at her age?” It’s only a three year age difference between them, but it feels like centuries now as she remembers the lives of sixteen year old Euijoo and Nico. 

Nico snorts, “We were much worse.”

Maybe they were. All the times Nico had dragged them into trouble, so many times that Euijoo had lost count of all the groundings and lectures she endured with Nico standing by her side.

“I won’t tell mom,” Euijoo reassures Joohee, but gives her younger sister a warning glance, “But she’s gonna find out eventually so you better figure something out.”

Joohee rocks on her heels, eyes darting back and forth as it most likely flashes through her mind about how badly their mother would react. Nico laughs, Joohee giving her best pout at Nico and immediately melting the older girl. 

“Joohee, go change before your mom notices and has some kind of mental breakdown,” Nico taps her chin in thought, “Wear that cute purple zip-up you have.”

Joohee straightens at the words, nodding in agreement. Joohee always preferred Nico over Euijoo, complaining about how much lamer Euijoo was in comparison, so she listens to Nico subtly dismissing her more easily as well. 

When Joohee finally leaves, Nico flips on her side, resting her head on her arm as her lips quirk into a soft smile.

“Juju, I missed you.”

Four months. But it feels like centuries. 

They didn’t talk as much as Euijoo thought they would when they were apart. It was different, their friendship was built on being together in person, not designed for the hundreds of miles of distance between them while they were at different schools. They would text about inconsequential things. 

nico

look at this

[video]

juju

is that real?

nico

yes

they’ve taught alligators how to skateboard

juju

oh

nico

no

u dummy

And every once in a while, Nico will call her without warning, a blurry FaceTime call to ask her questions that don’t matter at all. 

“Okay,” Nico is laughing, long hair pulled up into a claw clip and exposing her deep collarbones under her tube top, “Tell them what animal bothers me at Christmas.”

It’s almost three in the morning, Euijoo tucked in bed and ready to sleep before she saw Nico’s name flash onto her screen. She lays on her side, phone close to her face so she can see Nico fully, blinking sleepily at the screen. 

“Christmas?”

One of Nico's new friends pokes her side, making Nico flinch away with a smile, “See, she doesn’t know.”

“Yeah, my most hated Christmas animal,” Nico reiterates, ignoring her friend’s doubts, smirking up at the screen. It’s loud wherever Nico is, the buzzing noise blaring from Euijoo’s phone, Euijoo gripping to lower the volume. 

“Penguins,” Euijoo answers easily, “Especially ones in Santa hats.”

Nico grins into a smirk, pleased by Euijoo’s answer, “And why do I hate them?”

“Because,” Euijoo huffs, reaching up to rub the sleepiness away from her eyes, “Penguins are from the South Pole. But Santa is from the North Pole.”

Nico swats at her friend, “See! I told you she would know! She’s my soulmate.”

Nico’s friend replies something in response, but Euijoo barely registers it, too busy watching how Nico’s eyes sparkle at being right, at knowing that Euijoo is her other half. 

“Bye, love you Juju!” Nico sends a kiss through the screen before the call ends. 

But FaceTime and texts never add up to this, Nico looking up at Euijoo from her bed, blinking her long lashes in expectation of Euijoo’s answer.

“It hasn’t been that long.”

Nico huffs, “But I’ve been home for a whole week without you. D’you know how bored I was?”

Euijoo bends down to continue unpacking, Nico unhelpfully turning to pull her phone out to scroll mindlessly while they talk. 

“You do anything fun?”

“Nothing fun,” Nico pouts, “oh, wait.”

Nico drops her phone on the bed, standing up with purpose to come close to Euijoo, waiting in expectation.

“What?” Euijoo laughs as she watches Nico stand in front of her with her hands behind her back and a smug smile. 

“Hold out your hand.”

Euijoo obeys easily, palm facing upward and waiting for Nico’s next move. 

“I got this for you when I went shopping with my mom last week,” Nico explains.

The ring drops into Euijoo’s hand, the tips of Nico’s fingers brushing her palm before pulling away quickly. Euijoo raises the ring up to inspect it, metal still warm from being wrapped around Nico’s fingers. It’s a pretty ring, coiled silver in a looping pattern, but simple in the way that Nico knows Euijoo prefers.

“Thanks, it’s cute,” Euijoo nods before slipping it onto her index finger.

Nico turns away, putting distance between them again, “I knew you would like it so I just had to get it.”

Nico loves buying gifts. Euijoo teases her for it, calls her a little pack rat the way she stows away little trinkets and treasures to dole out to her favorite humans.

“So what’d you want to do today?” Euijoo asks, looking around at her suitcases and realizing that unpacking was futile with Nico crashing into her room. 

Nico doesn’t answer the question though, too busy crossing to the other side of the room, lost in her own thoughts. 

“Do you think I would look good with nipple piercings?” Nico asks, staring appraisingly at herself in Euijoo’s long mirror. 

Nico pulls her oversized shirt back to be tight against her chest, and because she never wears a bra, her small breasts are prominently outlined, nipples crested against the fabric. 

Euijoo glances down for a second before trailing her gaze back up to meet Nico’s eyes in the mirror.

“What made you think of that?” Euijoo swallows. 

“I’ve been thinking about doing it for a while,” Nico explains, “But seeing Joohee’s piercing reminded me.”

The piercing would suit Nico, and Nico knows it.

“Yeah, you could pull it off.”

But she waits for Euijoo’s nod of confirmation before releasing the fabric of her shirt, Euijoo’s breath releasing in tandem. 

“So, what you wanna do today is go get your nipples pierced?” Euijoo asks, half joking, but it wouldn’t be the first time Nico surprised her by dragging her to do something crazy out of the blue. 

“No, dummy,” Nico rolls her eyes, “The boys already invited us to a party tonight, did you not see the group chat?”

Euijoo shakes her head. The chat with their high school friends remained dormant most of the time, only springing to life when they all returned home to their small town, so it’s not surprising that it was alive now that summer loomed overhead. 

Reaching for her phone, Euijoo skims the messages quickly. 

• Party. 

• I’m down. 

• Bring ur stuff. 

• Nico and Juju? 

• We’re coming. 

“Do we have to?” Euijoo frowns. 

“Just for a little bit,” Nico holds out her pinky for Euijoo to circle and clasp with her own, “Pinky promise.”

Nothing was ever ‘a little bit’ with Nico. It was always grand, larger than life, bigger than the whole sky, and Euijoo would follow her up and into the clouds. 

Euijoo tries to ignore the distinct lameness of hanging out with people from high school when they’re all adults now. 

Even if technically Nico could be placed in the same category, it’s different with her. Not like walking into a house party and looking around at all the people still pretending they’re sixteen with nothing to worry about. 

“It’s free drinks,” Nico insists, pouring them both cups of a lukewarm looking juice that’s probably a mixture of things that should never be combined or consumed. 

The lighting is dim in the kitchen, the smoke of vapes and cigarettes clouding the room in a hazy glow, only Nico’s sharp eyes turning downwards piercing through the fog. They tap their cups together, Nico keeping her gaze locked as they both take their first sip, Euijoo breaking the stare first to survey the party. 

“Did you get shorter?” Euijoo asks, looking over and realizing she can see the top of Nico’s head. 

“I did not!” Nico practically screeches, instantly standing on her tiptoes to prove that the height difference isn’t substantial. 

Euijoo places her hand on top of her head and measures outwards, a pleased smile growing on her face when her hand easily clears over Nico’s own head. 

“Shut up,” Nico pouts, giving Euijoo a playful shove that barely knocks Euijoo away. 

Maybe Euijoo is just paranoid — but she swears she can feel eyes following them around the room. It’s a familiar feeling, one that she had forgotten in the last few months, but it returns now and slides into place. 

It’s not paranoia though. Euijoo scans the room quickly and catches two different people in the act of staring at Nico openly, and there’s probably a few more that were discreet enough for Euijoo not to notice. 

She wants to say that Nico is oblivious to the attention that follows her, but she’s not. Sure, she doesn’t talk about it openly or brag about how pretty she is, but she definitely knows. She knows her power and weaponizes it to her advantage. 

Eyes keep following them as Nico leads them to the outside deck, gazes not breaking until they slam out of the screen door to find the usual suspects. 

“Yo, finally!” Fuma calls for them when they appear, scooting over on the small bench to make room. 

The boys are all sitting around a stone fire pit, but there’s no wood or fire going, just the ash of old cigarettes discarded in the pit and the small bloom of flame coming from the blunt being passed around the circle. 

“Ooh, gimme,” Nico says in lieu of a greeting, making grabby hands towards the blunt that Jo instantly passes towards her. 

Even with the sun long gone from the horizon, it’s still absurdly hot outside, like there’s a bubble holding on to the warm muggy air that surrounds the small area. 

“Not too much though,” Yuma warns, “you’re always smoking through all my weed.”

Nico rolls her eyes, taking an extra long inhale just to purposefully exhale. 

Yuma jumps up, trying to grab the blunt from Nico’s fingers, but Nico is faster, jumping on top of the bench and holding it out of reach. They all watch them play-fight for a second before Nico abruptly stops. 

“Wait, Juju hasn’t gotten a turn.”

Nico hops down, delicately placing the joint in Euijoo’s fingers, and halting the power struggle between Yuma and Nico. 

Euijoo doesn’t usually smoke much. Only every once in a while at a party or at Nico’s insistence. So it still feels a bit foreign as she inhales, holding the smoke inside her lungs until it feels like she’s gonna choke, and letting out a small cough as she exhales. 

She passes the joint off quickly to Jo, not really feeling the need to take more than one hit, turning to take a small sip of her drink instead. 

“Oh wait, you guys haven’t met Harua yet.” Fuma gestures to the one unknown face among their high school friends in the circle. “He goes to school with me and Jo.”

The Harua guy looks at both of them, giving a small wave in greeting, but his eyes linger on Nico, smiling slightly when Nico moves off the bench to fully go shake his hand. 

“I’m Nico,” she shakes his hand enthusiastically, sinking to sit on the floor next to Harua’s lawn chair. 

Euijoo doesn’t move, just says “Euijoo” simply, Harua acknowledging but drifting back to Nico. Euijoo watches how easily Nico breaks into a separate conversation with Harua, how easily Harua is sucked into it.  

“I like your bracelets.”

“Oh, yeah?” Harua rolls up his sleeves to put the bracelets lining his wrists on full display. 

She watches Nico prod her finger at each bracelet, pointing at one in particular and asking a question that gets muffled over the sounds of Yuma starting a loud conversation about his new car he’s been saving up for.

Jo nudges her in the side, offering the joint to her again but Euijoo only shakes her head, Jo shrugging and passing it off to Fuma instead. 

It’s like watching an intricate dance, one that someone unfamiliar with Nico’s games of cat and mouse would be unnoticeable, but Euijoo has watched the choreography enough times to know every move by heart. 

Nico props her elbow on the Harua guy’s thigh, leaning into him, other hand absentmindedly playing with the bottom hem of Harua’s pants. Harua keeps grinning down at her, the kind of smile you can tell doesn’t come easily, but Nico’s precise movements draws it out of him. 

She shifts away from watching. She doesn’t need to look to know what comes next.

“I heard there’s a pool table upstairs, you wanna go check it out?” Fuma raises his eyebrows in question, turning to her and the two other boys who aren’t currently ensnared by Nico’s attention. 

“Sure.”

They all stand to leave, grabbing their things, Yuma shoving his lighter in his pocket, Fuma tucking a couple more bottles of beer under his arm, Jo finding his shed jacket and chucking it over his shoulder. Only Nico and Harua remain still in their bubble, seemingly unaware of the movement around them. 

Euijoo clears her throat, directing her voice at Nico and Harua who look startled at being addressed, “We’re going upstairs, you guys coming?”

She already knows the answer before Nico even opens her mouth. She can see Nico’s eyes sparkling, and a glimmer of something more sinister, something that only flashes through her pupils for a moment when she makes eye contact with Euijoo from across the fire pit. 

“Nah, we’ll stay here for a bit,” Nico answers with a small smile, tongue darting out to wet her lips. 

Harua nods in agreement, “Yeah, we’ll catch up later.”

The other guys file away with a shrug, unbothered by the loss of two people in their group, leaving only Euijoo to linger for a second before trailing after them. She follows Fuma, Jo, and Yuma, turning one last time to where Nico is sitting with Harua, but Nico is already absorbed again in her conversation, unaware of Euijoo’s gaze. 

“She’ll be fine,” Fuma’s voice cuts in, feeling like she’s been caught in the act of staring, “Harua’s a good guy. Don’t worry too much.”

Euijoo nods, turning away right when Nico begins laughing and leaning into Harua’s side. 

They find the pool table on the second floor on a large balcony that overlooks the backyard. There’s a few pieces of neglected patio furniture dotting the space, and Euijoo curls into one of the chairs as Yuma and Jo begin the first game, Fuma insisting that he gets to play the winner. 

It’s quieter out on the balcony, only the distant boom of the music wading in through the sliding glass doors, and the sharp crack of balls clacking together as Jo and Yuma begin their game of pool. 

“So,” Fuma starts, leaning on the armrest of the chair Euijoo is lounging in, “How’s the city?”

There was a period of time where she and Fuma were almost a thing. It was a fledgling of a relationship, not even fully formed enough to be recognizable, but it still lingers now. She likes Fuma. He’s nice and a good friend and he would kiss her in the backseat of his car and not ask for anything more than that even though she could feel his erection through his jeans.

But they didn’t ever turn serious for a reason, and she isn’t under the delusion it would work now either. 

She remembers Nico asking about them last summer, right before they left for their first semester of college —

“Are you guys gonna do long distance or something?”

“What? No, we’re not like that.”

Nico gives her a look, “You’ve spent half the summer with him.”

Euijoo sighs, “Whatever we have, it ends as soon as I leave for school.”

They had always had an expiration, certain lines they didn’t cross, even if they never talked about it explicitly. 

“I like the city. There’s more to do than here.”

Fuma snorts, “That’s not saying much. There’s fuck all to do here besides smoke or sit in the Walmart parking lot.”

Euijoo grins, raising her foot up to knock Fuma in the shin. The back of that Walmart parking lot used to be their spot last summer, and they certainly didn’t just sit there like Fuma is implying. 

“Yeah, in the city you can even sit in a Target parking lot.”

Fuma shakes his head. 

Euijoo wonders if Fuma is referencing this because he wants to pick up where they left off. It would be easy, in theory. Everything about Fuma was easy. 

“We missed you around here. Nico too. It was a lot quieter.”

To be honest, Euijoo didn’t think much about their small town or high school friends while she was away at school. It was simple to separate them, like she lived two different lives, one of the past and one of present, and coming back here felt a little too much like stepping back in time. 

Most of their friends had stayed and attended the local college, only a few of them venturing off to bigger places. And Euijoo never judged any of them for that, but it felt like a distinct separation. A different pace maybe, for the people who stayed and the people who left. 

She wonders if Nico thinks the same thing about her, like Euijoo only lives in this one compartment of Nico’s life, while the real Nico has moved on to something Euijoo will never know. 

Yuma suddenly accuses Jo of cheating in their pool game, both of them watching Yuma chase Jo around the table until Jo is able to wrestle the cue stick out of Yuma’s hand. 

“I feel like everything is different and yet nothing has changed at the same time.”

Fuma pauses at her words, taking a long sip of his beer before answering. 

“What? You thought the whole place would implode while you’re gone?”

“No, just-”

Euijoo can’t quite explain it — how this world is familiar and almost comforting, but also like everything is fundamentally changed and it’s eating her from the inside out. 

“So you didn’t miss me?” Fuma teases when it’s clear that Euijoo won’t be able to finish her thought. 

Euijoo snorts, “Never said that.”

The air shifts around Fuma, he leans in closer, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder and he speaks lowly into her ear. 

“You wanna go to my car?”

“I-”

Euijoo swallows. She knows exactly what Fuma is asking, and she almost says yes, if only because she knows it will block out the thoughts swirling and congealing inside of her head, but she knows it would be a bad idea. 

“Let’s stay here.”

It’s a clear rejection, one that Fuma doesn’t show any hurt from, simply moving out of Euijoo’s space and resetting to their usual demeanor. Euijoo can see the beer sliding down Fuma’s throat as he takes another long drink. 

“You got a guy at school?”

A simple question really, but Euijoo can’t help but scoff at the assumption that the only reason Fuma could be rejected would be if Euijoo had someone else. She rises from the chair quickly, crossing the balcony to lean on the outer wall that overlooks the backyard, Fuma following after her and raising his eyebrows as he waits for an answer.

“There’s no guy,” Euijoo replies, lowering her eyes at him to show she’s serious, Fuma raising his hands up in defeat. 

“Okay, okay, my bad.”

There’s a drawn out silence, one where neither of them speak and only listen to Jo and Yuma continue to bicker over the pool game.

The silence is broken by Fuma huffing in laughter, “I’ve never seen Harua react to a girl like that,” Fuma smirks, “but I should’ve known, no one is immune to Nico.” Fuma gestures to where he’s looking, Euijoo following her eyes to the two small figures in the distance. 

The overgrown trees obscure most of the view of the fire pit down below, but they have a clear view of Nico and Harua, both of them now sitting on the ground as they continue to talk. 

Euijoo feels her stomach drop as she watches.

When Nico recounts the events of this night to her later, she won’t include any of the important parts when Euijoo asks. She’ll say things like: He tasted like a mango juul pod. Did you know he’s distantly related to Kurt Cobain? I lost my jacket and only one sock. Nothing about how she feels or anything that actually happened. 

Fuma cups his hands around his mouth, yelling “Yo!” to get their attention. 

They both look up and wave when they spot them on the balcony, Nico blowing her a kiss that Euijoo can only stare at like a slow-moving car wreck.

She feels it — the knot slowly tying itself in her stomach, looping and tightening with every movement. 

Fuma asks her another question but she barely hears it, the words blurring as soon as they hit her ears. She watches in sick fascination as Nico leans and whispers in Harua’s ear, how she barely waits for confirmation before she’s gripping her slender fingers under Harua’s chin and pulling him into her mouth.

“Get a room!” Fuma yells. 

Neither of them pull away though, Nico simply dragging her hand behind her back to flash them a middle finger. Fuma laughs at the gesture, calling Yuma and Jo over to look, the pair of them also snickering when they see the scene in front of him. 

They’re kissing over and over, like a never-ending movie, one that Euijoo finds difficult to look away from. Nico slides her hands down Harua’s chest, and Harua’s hands move to grip around her waist, pulling her in closer. 

“Jo lost, you’re up Fuma,” Yuma says from behind them.

They trail away for a second, just long enough for Nico to giggle before diving back in. 

Euijoo turns away swiftly, grabbing the cue stick from Jo’s hand before Fuma can take it. 

“I wanna turn,” she says simply, none of them questioning her as she moves to bend over the table and lines up to make the first shot. 

It’s barely June but Euijoo can already tell it’s going to be one of those unwaveringly hot summers.

They’ve only been out for a few minutes but Euijoo is already sweating, moisture collecting on her lower back as they sprawl on their towel-lined pool chairs under the hot sun. 

Euijoo is lying on her stomach, swimsuit untied in the back to avoid weird tan lines, head cocked to the side and hair pulled up, watching Nico through her sunglasses. Nico is laying on her back, propped up on one elbow and her other hand a sticky red.

Nico had grabbed a popsicle from the freezer before they walked the short distance to their neighborhood pool, waiting to unwrap it until they were sat and settled, the poor thing half melted and dripping before it even reached Nico’s mouth. 

Nico sucks the popsicle into her mouth, seemingly uncaring of how the juice drips onto her stomach and chest. It almost looks like a crime scene, bloody red covering her front as she takes the final chunk into her mouth. 

“Ugh, I got all sticky,” Nico complains, taking the wooden popsicle stick out of her mouth and trying her best to at least lick her hand clean. It’s clearly not enough though, pouting at her body before turning to Euijoo.

“I’m gonna get in for a sec to wash off, you wanna come?”

Euijoo shakes her head, slipping her eyes closed as Nico heads into the water. She can hear Nico’s footsteps padding over the pavement, and then the gentle splash as Nico submerges herself. 

It’s a quiet day at the pool, only them and a small toddler and mother on the other end of the water, quiet enough that Euijoo can hear the wind chimes of the house nearby. 

She flips over onto her back, holding her swimsuit up carefully so as to not flash anyone even if the pool is practically empty, shielding her eyes from the sun with her other hand so she can see Nico bobbing in the pool.

Euijoo had been on the swim team all through school — not a prodigy by any means, but fast enough that she could swim circles around most of their friends. Nico had been on the swim team for just a couple months during sophomore year because she complained about Euijoo doing stuff without her, but she had only lasted a short time before quitting. She clearly didn’t pick up much during her stint on the swim team, Euijoo snorting as she watches Nico ungracefully doggy paddle back and forth along the side of the pool. 

Nico switches to floating on her back, arms and legs starfished across the blue surface. She splashes around a bit, the loose braid that had been trailing down her back now swishing through the water. 

The music that had been lowly playing on Nico’s phone abruptly stops, Euijoo glancing over at where the phone lays face down on Nico’s chair in its beat up pink case. She turns the phone over to see that the phone has overheated in the hot sun, tucking it in the bag under Nico’s chair and pulling out the tube of sunscreen instead. 

She’s reapplying it on her chest and shoulders when Nico finally emerges from the pool, hair and body dripping a trail of water behind her as she makes her way back to the chairs, but no more red popsicle on her stomach. 

Nico lowers her sunglasses to look over them as she approaches, “Geez Juju, when did your boobs get so big?”

Euijoo automatically crosses her arms over her chest, flushing at the words, “They’re not that big.”

Nico laughs, “They’re practically busting out of your swimsuit, I’m jealous.”

In comparison, Nico’s breasts haven’t grown much since middle school. Euijoo used to be the same size, but now it felt like she grew a cup size every year, enough that she covers them self-consciously now. 

“It sucks,” Euijoo complains, “makes my back hurt and all my shirts fit weird now.”

She throws the sunscreen bottle back at Nico, the girl catching it before lowering back on the seat, skin glistening with little droplets of water all over. 

“Ohhh my name is Juju, my life is so hard because my boobs are too big,” Nico says mockingly, laughing when Euijoo’s face scrunches in annoyance. 

“If you were me you would complain ten times more,” Euijoo declares, “you whine about everything.”

“Hey! No I don’t!” Nico pouts, using her wet hair to purposefully fling cold drops of water at Euijoo’s body. 

Euijoo squeals, flipping back onto her stomach to hide her face from Nico’s spray. 

“Where’d my phone go? Harua was gonna send me the name of the place with the good noodles. I’m starving.”

Euijoo points at her bag without looking up, listens to Nico rustling through her bag and assumes she discovers the same heat warning that Euijoo did when the device plops down on the chair without answer. 

“Do you like Harua?”

She can’t see Nico’s face, but she can imagine her disgruntled face by the tone of her voice, “Harua? Why?”

“Do you not remember kissing him the other night? I didn’t think you were that drunk.”

Nico scoffs, “Of course I remember. But that doesn’t mean I like him.”

“I think he really likes you.”

Nico laughs, like Euijoo is silly for even suggesting that. “He doesn’t like me. He likes tits and ass like every other dude.”

Euijoo pauses. Maybe it was true, but it was hard to believe. Guys fell for Nico more easily than the sun passed across the horizon. They would see her from across the room, or have a passing conversation with her, and that’s all it would take for them to fall at her feet in submission. It was unexplainable and yet Euijoo understood at the same time. 

“Why’d you make out then? If you both don’t even like each other.”

“Because kissing is fun? Why not? Don’t tell me you’ve never kissed someone just because it’s fun to kiss when you’re at a party.”

Euijoo stays silent, letting Nico fill the empty space with her own words. 

“I feel like you can learn a lot by how people kiss also, more than just talking,” Nico explains, “Like last year during Halloween this girl dressed as Rapunzel kept kissing me and asking me if I thought she was a good girl.”

Nico is laughing as she says it but Euijoo feels her throat tighten at every word. She turns back on her side to face Nico, the other girl still lying on her back with her face to the sky. 

“You kiss someone at every party you go to?”

Nico turns on her side, lowering her eyes to look at Euijoo over her sunglasses. “What? You slut shaming now?”

Euijoo doesn’t reply, just leans back in her chair and closes her eyes again. 

A girl. 

They had never talked explicitly about sexuality or preferences, only Nico sometimes making a passing comment about how hot a female celebrity is, or calling someone her girl crush. It makes sense though, that girls were just the same to Nico as a man was, as long as they worshipped her and stayed on their knees. 

“Speaking of guys liking you, you're totally leading Fuma on, by the way.”

Euijoo splutters, surprised by Nico’s sudden accusation. 

“I am not!” Euijoo practically screeches, feeling her cheeks flush. 

Nico rolls her eyes, “C’mon he’s been like, obsessed with you since like, the seventh grade.”

“He isn’t,” Euijoo tries to rebuttal.

The comment only makes Nico laugh though, the girl sitting criss-cross on the chair so she can fully face Euijoo. 

“You gave him the best summer of his life, you think he’ll just forget that and move on? He’s probably been imagining marriage proposals to you all year. ”

“I didn’t…I told him no at the party…” Euijoo explains, which Nico looks shocked by.

“Oh? You actually rejected him?”

“He wanted to hook up and I told him I didn’t want to.”

Nico tsks, “I mean, that’s not the same as saying you don’t wanna be in a relationship with him.”

“I think I was pretty clear,” Euijoo crosses her arms defensively.

“You don’t get it, Juju,” Nico lectures, “He won’t give up until you completely shut him down. Until then he’ll still think there’s some hope.”

Euijoo groans, leaning forward until her chest and forehead are pressed against her thighs, wrapping her arms around her legs to hug herself. 

Nico laughs, “There, there. Do you want me to tell him? I can tell him to fuck off.”

“No,” Euijoo huffs, “I’ll tell him…eventually.”

She feels like Nico is exaggerating a bit. Sure, Fuma likes her, but obsessed? Plus, it was hard to flat-out reject him when he never has explicitly asked her out in the first place. 

“Good,” Nico comments, “Because I don’t wanna share you this summer. It’s better when it’s just us two.”

There was never a time when it wasn’t just us two, Euijoo wants to say. Because, she can’t remember a time when it wasn’t them. There were boys and other friends and passing feelings, but there was never a moment where Euijoo thought it was anything but them. 

“Ow!”

Joohee is grinning from ear to ear, entirely too pleased with using the grocery cart as a weapon against Euijoo’s ankles.

“Girls,” Their mother warns sharply before turning back to the watermelons on display to pick a nicely ripe one. 

It’s mid-afternoon, the store surprisingly busy for a weekday, their mother already being stopped a couple times by overly-friendly neighbors and prying members of their church. 

“If you can’t control the cart, lemme push it,” Euijoo insists, reaching to grab the handle but Joohee roughly yanks it away.

“No, I’ve been doing it fine without you for the past year.” Joohee sticks out her tongue childishly.

“Listen to your sister,” Their mom scolds, barely paying attention as she loads more produce into the cart. 

Joohee huffs, mumbling about going to look at chips before stomping off and abandoning the cart.

Euijoo takes over pushing the cart after their mother, following her down the next aisle to the meat and dairy.

“She’s been such a handful lately,” Her mother gives her a pointed look, “I thought she would be better while you were away with all my attention on her now, but she seems even more…surly.”

Joohee has always been the more outspoken of the pair of sisters, and almost the exact opposite of their mother. Their mother liked things to be proper, polite, and organized, whereas Joohee liked to be brash, outspoken, and chaotic. They clashed even when they were little kids, and Euijoo has always been caught in the middle. 

“I mean, really, I don’t think I ask much of her but she acts like I’m ruining her life,” Her mother sighs deeply, motioning for Euijoo to grab a new bag of sugar from the shelf. 

“I’m sure it’s just a phase,” Euijoo tries to reassure.

Euijoo has had her fair share of rebellion and getting into trouble, but it was different with Joohee. Euijoo snuck out, tried new things because it was fun, whereas Joohee did all these things to be purposefully defiant. Additionally, Euijoo’s mother has always had a soft spot for Nico, the girl able to wheedle and twist the tale to make their escapades not seem as bad, 

“You know, she got caught shoplifting.”

The cart comes to a screeching halt, Euijoo hissing out a shrill “what?”

Euijoo knows she’s no saint. Underage drinking, smoking, hanging out with boys until dawn. But stealing? She feels guilty for not being home suddenly, like maybe she could’ve prevented all of this if she had a more close eye on Joohee. 

“Could you try talking to her while you’re home? I feel like I’m not getting through to her anymore.”

“She doesn’t listen to me either,” Euijoo mumbles, thinking of all the texts to her that stayed unread on her phone.

They turn down the next aisle, her mother flicking her hair off her shoulder so he can rub her thumb over the pressure point at the back of her neck that gets sore. When she frowns she looks just like Joohee. It was always a bit funny, how opposite they were in personality and yet the spitting image of each other. 

“I think she has a secret boyfriend too, or who knows? It seems like she has a different boy every week,” her mother says in exasperation, continuing to vent as Euijoo tries to keep up. 

Maybe Nico talking to her would help. Joohee always listens to her more than Euijoo herself, and it feels like they’re grasping at straws already. 

“I can try,” Euijoo replies, if only to appease her before she spirals more. 

“Thank you,” her mother pats her shoulder gently and squeezes, stress instantly deflating from her body now knowing that at least Euijoo is on her side. 

She wonders what Nico would tell Joohee if she asked her to talk to her baby sister. She can imagine it clearly, how Nico would dance around the subject but say just the right thing to make Joohee listen — Yeah, I share my location with my mom because what is there to hide really? … I would never be caught dead shoplifting, so tacky … Thank god I made good grades in high school, now I can skip all the boring classes in college …

They finally catch up to Joohee in the chip aisle, the younger girl carefully examining one of the bags.

“Can we get these?” she asks when she notices them approaching. 

Their mother takes the large bag from her hand, turning it over to look, “Are you gonna eat all of this?”

Joohee snatches the chips back, throwing it on the shelf, “Nevermind, I don’t want it.”

Her mother shoots Euijoo look, as if to say “see?”, but Euijoo chases after Joohee. 

“Here, you control the cart,” Euijoo relinquishes the helm as a small peace offering, but Joohee takes it readily, taking it back and racing off as soon as the words leave her mouth. 

“Hyejoo!” Someone calls their mother from behind, all of them turning to see the petite lady approach them with a polite grin. 

Their mother greets the woman, making small talk about the upcoming church bake sale and about the weather that Euijoo easily tunes out. 

Joohee is rocking the cart back and forth, humming to herself as they both wait for their mom to finish chatting. With their mom distracted, Euijoo plucks the bag of chips Joohee had been eyeing on the shelf, throwing it into the cart. She gives a small wink to Joohee, who smiles at her knowingly and shakes her head, but it’s a real smile, something that Euijoo feels like she hasn’t seen in ages. 

The lady finally says goodbye, scooting down the aisle in the opposite direction. 

Her mom scoffs, waiting until the woman is out of earshot to speak, “I don’t know how that woman can show her face in public considering everyone has seen her sneaking out of the Wang’s house at all hours of the night.”

Euijoo freezes.

“Wang, as in…?”

“Yes, Mr. Wang,” Her mother flaps her arms to get Joohee to slow down. She turns to Euijoo, giving her a pointed look, “You know how much I love Nico honey, but her father is a different story. He doesn’t even try to keep his affairs under wraps, he practically flaunts them. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It’s no wonder that Nico wants to stay with us half the time, I wouldn’t want to stay there either.”

Euijoo feels her mouth run dry. She knew that Nico’s parents were separated although not officially divorced. And Nico’s dad was always nice when she saw him, a little goofy and awkward, cracking corny dad jokes that made Nico bury her face in her hands. When they first separated Nico swore it was temporary, that they just needed a small break. It feels like being doused with a cold bucket of water, the sudden knowledge that it was far from being fixed. 

Her mother continues when Euijoo still doesn’t respond, “Did Nico not tell you he’s been sleeping around? I can’t imagine she doesn’t know with the line of women coming in and out of the house.”

Joohee laughs, counting off on her fingers all the women she’s seen traipsing in and out of their next door neighbor’s house. 

“No, she didn’t tell me,” Euijoo whispers. But neither of them hear, moving on to discuss which brand of cereal to buy, the words floating away into nothingness. 

She remembers when they must’ve only been eleven or twelve, sitting at the kitchen table in Nico’s house and playing a simple game of Uno with both of Nico’s parents. Nico’s dad kept cheating very obviously, messing with the cards and the deck, leaning over to look at Nico’s hand with a silly expression — all of it to make them laugh so hard their stomachs hurt. 

She doesn’t know what’s worse — Nico not knowing, or Nico knowing everything and not telling. 

The tattoo shop is almost completely empty when they enter. The air conditioning is blasting, making Euijoo shiver as they wait at the front counter for someone to emerge from the back curtained area. 

“Do you think they’re closed?” Euijoo asks when no one appears except the radio lowly-playing vintage rock. 

“Lights are on,” Nico shrugs, impatiently drumming her fingers on the counter. 

When Euijoo woke up this morning, this was the last place she expected to end up. But Nico always prepared for the unexpected — and Euijoo had barely slammed the passenger door of Nico’s car before she was declaring their plans for the day.

The curtain flutters open, revealing a woman covered in tattoos and facial piercings, smiling at them warmly when she notices them waiting. 

“How can I help you girls?”

Nico perks up, “I wanna get my nipples pierced.”

The lady nods, bending down to unlock the glass case below to pull out a row of body jewelry in a velvet display.

“This your first time getting a piercing?” The lady asks, glancing between them.

“Only my ears,” Nico answers, pointing to the row of earrings dangling from her lobes.

“Okay. It’s similar to getting your ears pierced, but I’ll warn you that the healing is much more painful. And you have to take good care of them if you don’t want it to get infected.”

Nico nods, still undeterred even with the warnings.

“You’ll start with the straight barbell,” The lady gestures to the piercing type in the case, “and after it heals if you want to change it to something else, you can come back in and we can put it in for you. You can choose between the different barbells though.”

Nico studies the options carefully, pointing to the simple silver one with no embellishments. 

She turns to her with expectant eyes, “What do you think, Juju?”

Euijoo comes in closer, looking at the piece Nico has picked. “I like it. It’ll match the jewelry you usually wear.”

“Perfect, I’ll go with that one,” Nico tells the lady who nods in agreement. 

The lady then turns to Euijoo, “And anything for you?”

Euijoo shakes her head quickly, “I’m just here for moral support.”

Nico is handed a stack of papers to fill out on a clipboard, the lady moving to grab the jewelry Nico picked out and calculating a price for the piercing and the barbells. With a flourish, Nico finishes signing the papers, handing it back to the lady and her whole body buzzing with excitement. 

The lady looks over the paperwork quickly, waving with her hand after a quick scan, “Alright, then follow me.” 

They trail after the lady behind the curtain, and are led to a small room in the back corner with only a chair and a small cabinet with a sink bay.

“I’ll go get everything prepared, so you can relax for a second,” The lady gestures for Nico to sit on the chair, “You okay with her staying in the room when it happens?”

“Yes, she’s fine,” Nico replies with a wink directed at Euijoo, who only scoffs and leans against the sink with her arms crossed as the lady exits the room. 

Euijoo learned a long time ago that it was no use to try and change Nico’s mind once she’s decided something. So she doesn’t even question it now, just watches how Nico fiddles with the arm of the chair while they wait. 

She remembers how only a week after Euijoo’s 18th birthday they had ended up in a similar situation. It wasn’t a professional tattoo parlor like this one, but instead in the backroom of a woman’s house who would do small tattoos for you for a mere $25. 

It had been something they had talked about for a while, so there had been high expectations when they showed their tattoo ideas to the woman. 

They got tattoos in the same spot on their body, in the same divot on the back part of their right foot, not matching in design but it was more important that they got them together. 

The tattoos were so small that it only took a couple minutes for each — the planet of Saturn on Euijoo and a black cat with a curling tail on Nico. 

Nico had gotten more tattoos since then: A branch of flowers under her ribs, a sun on her inner elbow, a tiny heart on her middle finger. But Euijoo just kept the one, and she was sure that would be the last. 

“Okay, you can pull your shirt up and lean back,” The lady announces, reentering the room with supplies cradled in her arms. 

Nico  pulls her shirt up to her armpits, pulling one arm out of her sleeve but not fully removing the garment so it bunches around her chest. 

It’s not like Euijoo hasn’t seen Nico’s boobs before. They’ve showered together when they were young, changed in the same room all the time, and it wasn’t like Nico was exactly shy about her body. But Euijoo still feels her eyes wandering around the room to look anywhere but her best friend’s chest, gripping onto the side of the counter but still keeping watch from the periphery. 

The piercer pulls out a wipe and explains it’s to numb the area, snapping rubber gloves over her hands before deftly rubbing the wipe over both of Nico’s nipples. Nico barely reacts to the touch, her foot wiggling at the bottom of the chair, in clear excitement rather than anxiousness.

After the numbing takes effect, the lady pulls out the needle and a forceps-looking object.

“It’s gonna hurt still, you might want to squeeze her hand or something,” the lady cocks her head towards Euijoo who is still leaning against the sink watching. 

Nico laughs, “Nah, we don’t touch because it’s weird,” she explains. 

The lady audibly chuckles, pinching the bud of Nico’s nipple with the metal contraption. “That’s a new one.”

“We’ve been friends so long that it’s like, strange to hug or touch,” Nico continues, “we don’t even hug in pics.”

“I guess I’ve never had a friend like that,” The lady concedes, not prodding for further explanation and turning to focusing on the task at hand. 

Euijoo is not really sure how she would explain it even if she did ask for more information. How Nico was her closest person in the world but they would both flinch if one of them purposely gave the other some kind of physical affection. 

The lady hands Nico a towel to grip onto instead. Nico glances at her once, smiling slightly when Euijoo returns the gaze. 

With a quick swish of the hand, the needle enters and the lady deftly replaces it with the starter barbell chosen by Nico. She wastes no time moving to the other side, piercing the other nipple just as quickly, the whole process is done in such a flash that Euijoo feels like she misses it when she blinks. 

“Go ahead and look before we clean and bandage,” The lady explains to Nico, pointing to a full-length mirror on the back of the door. Nico jumps up quickly, keeping her shirt held up with one hand as she admires herself in the mirror. 

“I love it,” she declares, with a slight smile on her face, but Euijoo can tell by her shining eyes that she really means it. 

She returns to the chair to get a cooling cream and small bandages to cover them, the lady going into more detail about the healing process and what Nico needs to do to keep them from getting an infection. 

Nico nods like she’s listening, but instead of responding to the piercer she turns fully to Euijoo.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna get anything?”

Piercings were never something that Euijoo was attracted to. Unlike Nico, who had a whole row on each ear, Euijoo just had two simple piercings, one on each lobe. Her mom would hate it. Probably scoff and tell her how much it doesn’t suit her and tell her to pull it out. She thinks of Joohee and her stupid butterfly belly ring and wonders if their mom would be less mad if Euijoo did it first. Maybe it would make her look fiercer. She’s tired of always being called baby-faced and cute, tired of always being thought of as the innocent one compared to Nico. 

“Maybe a nose stud?”

Nico absolutely lights up at the idea, shaking her head rapidly and looking more excited by the idea than her own new piercing. 

“Yes! You totally should!”

Euijoo turns to the lady to see her thoughts, the piercer shrugging simply, “I’m happy to do it if you’re interested.”

Nico answers for her, jumping up from the chair and pushing Euijoo down instead. 

The lady exits to gather the new batch of supplies to pierce Euijoo’s nose, Nico replacing Euijoo’s spot against the counter. 

“Did it hurt?” Euijoo asks as she nervously grips the hem of her shorts. 

“Nah, I barely felt it,” Nico reassures her, but she’s not sure if she believes it. 

They repeat the same steps as Nico: filling out a stack of forms and a swipe of numbing on her nose, the only difference being the small dot that’s drawn on her nostril so she can approve of the placement before the needle enters. 

“You ready?” The lady asks, and Euijoo nods. 

She wants to grip Nico’s hand suddenly. She looks over at Nico watching her, smirk on her face as she studies Euijoo. But she can’t reach out her hand. Nico is too far away, too honest and brazen for declaring that they’re not allowed to touch because of their made up rules. It would be weakness and weirdness and everything that Euijoo keeps locked away to ask for her hand now. 

It happens in a flash, the piercing entering and causing a single tear to roll down her cheek at the sensation.

“Aw, are you crying?” Nico teases, Euijoo sticking out her tongue in response. 

“It’s because of the nerve endings in your nose,” The lady explains, handing a tissue to Euijoo, “happens all the time.”

“Yeah see, it barely even hurts,” Euijoo sniffs, drying her cheeks and nose quickly.

“It suits you, look,” Nico cocks her head towards the mirror.

Euijoo twists around in the seat, making eye contact with herself in the mirror and staring. It’s such a small piece of jewelry, barely noticeable unless you’re looking for it. The more she stares at it the more she likes it though, turning her face side to side to admire it from different angles. She pulls away from her reflection to look at Nico instead, who is beaming at her.

It’s not until they’re back in Nico’s car that Nico’s smile turns devious.

“Your mom is gonna murder you.”

Euijoo flips the car visor down to look at herself in the small mirror again, poking around the area of the piercing but not touching.

“Yeah, probably.”

Euijoo pushes the visor back up, snorting as she watches Nico carefully put on her seatbelt to avoid her now sensitive areas.

“What? You’re not worried?” Nico asks in shock. 

Nico’s surprise makes sense — they’ve spent most of their life sneaking around to avoid the wrath of Euijoo’s mother or apologizing to Euijoo’s mom when they got caught.

But things have been different ever since Euijoo started university. "You’re an adult now," her mom had shrugged when she was so sure she was going to get a lecture instead. 

“She trusts me more now,” Euijoo explains as Nico pulls out of the parking lot.

Euijoo still hasn’t asked Nico about what her mother had told her about Nico’s father. She’s not sure how to approach it exactly. It’s like circling a small rabbit, easily startled if Euijoo makes one wrong move, but the information is slowly embedding itself into Euijoo’s skin, sharper than the needle of being pierced. 

Her ears are perked for little things about Nico she would typically not read into, prying for more slowly as the summer stretches on. 

“Don’t get grounded though,” Nico warns, “I’m already planning my birthday trip and it’s not gonna be fun if you’re not there.”

“Trip?” Euijoo questions, because this was news to her. 

“Just for a couple days, with us and the boys.”

“You’re not…” Euijoo swallows, keeping her gaze straight ahead on the road in front of them, “Not doing anything with your parents?”

It’s minuscule, Nico’s grip tightening on the steering wheel but it flashes red in Euijoo’s mind. But her tone remains casual and indifferent, no indication of what might lurk underneath. 

“Nah, I’ll do something with them later. You wanna get ice cream?” She asks, deflecting from the conversation, and turning into the parking lot before Euijoo can even answer.

“That’s disgusting,” Euijoo’s face scrunches.

Yuma snorts, before devolving into full-bellied laughter.

“What?” Fuma defends, “You’d rather him do it here?”

The steep hill they’re setting up a tent on gives them a perfect view of Jo pissing in the lake below, back turned to them but he had practically sprinted out of the car after the long drive.

“It’s his family’s land,” Harua chimes in, “So I think he can piss wherever he wants.”

When Nico had announced that for her birthday they were going to go camping on the small plot of land that Jo’s family had recently bought, Euijoo wasn’t really sure what to expect.

“We’re going to build a cabin on it eventually,” Jo had explained in the cramped car on the way there, “so we can go fishing n’stuff.”

But currently, it was essentially in the middle of nowhere. The section of land was overgrown with trees and shrubs, sloping down sharply into the large lake below, the closest sign of civilization being the houses across the water that could be seen dotted in the distance. 

Jo finishes up his business down below, climbing up the rocky cliffs and joining Fuma who was having trouble hammering a tent stake into the hard ground.

“Where are we gonna pee?” Euijoo shoots the question at Nico, realizing quickly that Jo’s choice of bathroom was out of necessity rather than choice.

Nico raises her eyebrows at her, “What happens in the lake, stays in the lake…” Euijoo sighs deeply. “...Or we can find a nice tree. I’ll keep watch for you.”

“I’ll just hold it,” Euijoo declares.

“For two days?” Fuma laughs, Euijoo grabbing a handful of sticks she had been gathering and throwing them at Fuma’s head who narrowly dodges it. 

“Are you guys done yet?” Nico asks, curled up in a lawn chair with her feet dangling off the side.

“Maybe we would be,” Yuma grunts, “if you actually helped.”

She claimed she was ‘observing’ while the rest of them worked to make their campsite for the night, but most of her observations seemed to be with her hand in the family-sized bag of Doritos they had brought along.

“Is this enough?” Euijoo asks Jo once he makes the ascent back up to their campsite.

Jo carefully inspects the pile of twigs and other brush she had gathered as her job and eventually nodding in approval.

With her campfire wood collection complete, Euijoo flops down in the chair next to Nico, holding her hand out to the other girl in expectation.

Nico wordlessly dumps a few Doritos in Euijoo’s palm, both of them watching the boys continue to attempt to assemble the tent.

“I think that thingy is supposed to go over there,” Nico points to the large flexible pole that Yuma had been struggling with.

Yuma glares again, “No comments unless you’re gonna help.”

Nico grins widely, turning her attention back to Euijoo and clearly with no plan of helping. She nudges with her foot, speaking quietly so the boys don’t hear, “Let’s go get changed, I wanna go swimming.”

Euijoo nods, jumping up quickly and grabbing their duffel bags to run to change in a more hidden part of the woods before anyone can stop them.

They both giggle as they run, knocking into each other until they’re out of sight. She thinks she hears Fuma call after them but they both ignore it, throwing their t-shirts and shorts off quickly and digging into their bags to pull on swimsuits instead.

Nico hisses as she grapples with her bikini top, her piercings still sensitive and sore from healing. 

“Are you sure it’s safe to swim with your piercing?” Euijoo asks, turning around to take off her bra and underwear, so she can’t see Nico’s reaction.

“Nah, it’ll be fine,” Nico reassures, “Plus, it looks super hot, look.”

Euijoo ties her bikini top hastily, turning back around to see Nico waiting in expectation. 

You can see Nico’s metal barbells clearly through Nico’s blue bikini top, prominently outlining where her nipples are. Euijoo nods in agreement, Nico smirking down at her chest as she admires herself.

“You wanna see them? I don’t mind,” Nico asks with her head cocked when Euijoo continues to stare.

“No, it’s okay,” Euijoo replies quickly, bending down to dig a towel out of her bag so she can hide her flaming cheeks.

“C’mon let’s hurry before they make us do something,” Nico laughs, skirting around the large patch of brush in front of them to make their way down to the water.

The path to the lake is rocky and unpaved, both of them almost slipping on the loose gravel a few times as they maneuver their way down, but it’s all worth it when they make it.

It feels like the first cool day in months, the sun high in the sky but the breeze off the water keeping the air at the perfect temperature. And the water itself is a dark navy blue, lapping along the shoreline quietly, not a single other human in sight for miles. 

They abandon their towels and shoes on a flat rock, wading into the water together waist deep before plunging fully submerged underwater. The water is cold, a shock to the system but in a good way, shivers traveling up her spine at the sudden change in temperature. Her hair feels long and heavy after being dipped in the water, brushing it off her forehead and blinking droplets off her eyelashes when she emerges again.

“You know what I was thinking about?” Nico says suddenly, leaning back so she can lay belly up on the current, eyes closed and face towards the sun.

“What?”

Nico snorts at the memory before saying it, splashing a spray of water lightly towards Euijoo, “How much you hated me when I first met you.”

Euijoo splutters slightly, defending herself with a gentle splash back, “I didn’t hate you. I just thought you were super weird.”

Nico barks loudly with laughter, “Isn’t that the same thing?”

Even though they were neighbors growing up, they didn’t hang out for the first time until a mutual friend invited them both to go to the amusement park together.

Euijoo had been friends with the girl that invited them for a while, whereas Nico was the “new kid” who Euijoo was told to give a chance.

They were only eleven at the time, awkward and overly-confident all at the same time. Euijoo remembers trying to not judge the girl too harshly. But it was weird, Nico wouldn’t go on a single ride, instead focusing her attention on trying to eat every piece of amusement park food as possible.

First it was a bag of popcorn, then a hot dog, then a large pickle, a cotton candy, a bag of sour gummies, and finally ending with a giant souvenir cup of lemonade.

She didn’t seem to mind at all when Euijoo and her friend left Nico behind to go on rides, waving them off as she turned to wait in line for another snack instead.

Most girls their age cared about looking like they ate too much, cared about not looking like a loser being all alone, cared about not fitting in. But Nico didn’t seem to care at all, happily smiling the whole day while Euijoo stared at her like she was some alien specimen.

“Hey, we’re best friends now though, isn’t that more important?”

Neither of them even talk to that friend who introduced them anymore, growing apart from her while Nico and Euijoo grew closer and closer.

Euijoo wants to say that after the initial weirdness they became best friends instantly, but it wasn’t like that. It grew slowly over time, no one moment that Euijoo could point to where they became each other’s person. 

Euijoo laughs at the memory of tiny Nico stuffing her face, glancing at the Nico of now and wondering how long she’s been devoted to her. It wasn’t from the beginning, but it’s what they were now.

“I was also thinking about how when we were in ninth grade and still friends with those other girls…” Nico adds, swimming deeper into the lake and leaving Euijoo no choice but to follow after her.

They've had different friend groups through the years, some that just split apart from them naturally or others that may still think of them as assholes, and maybe it's the fact that they’re the only two that have remained constant that has made them so close.

“...You were closer to that one blonde girl, but I wanted to be your best friend so bad,” Nico admits with a gentle laugh, but Euijoo freezes.

Nico wanting to be friends with her? It doesn’t make any sense.

“You were such a music snob then, only listening to obscure indie and alternative and I remember I found this song I thought you would like and when I showed it to you, you said it was just ‘okay’. I was totally devastated, you were so cool.”

By all accounts, Nico was the cooler one. She was the prettier one, the more popular one, the more extroverted one. She was the girl that everyone knew, whereas Euijoo was mostly known as Nico’s best friend.

“I don’t remember that at all,” Euijoo replies quietly.

“Of course you don’t, you weren’t the one embarrassed,” Nico laughs again, but Euijoo has trouble smiling back.

It feels impossible — that the girl who every girl in their high school wanted to be and every guy wanted to be with thought that Euijoo was the cooler one. 

Euijoo brushes her hand along the surface of the water, trying to formulate how to respond, but nothing seems quite right or too embarrassing to admit. Everything you thought was cool about me was just a front, I didn’t know how to not be a little mean, I was the one desperate to be your friend. 

Her thoughts are interrupted by the rest of the group bursting out from the trees, splashing into the water quickly and causing ripples in the current.

All of the boys are laughing as they approach, a bit sinister, both Euijoo and Nico not realizing until too late that it’s a planned attack.

Yuma and Harua each grab one of Nico’s arms, Nico letting out a final scream before they dunk her under the water. Euijoo feels her eyes bulge, but she barely has time to react before it’s her turn too. 

She squeals, feeling Fuma’s arms wrap around her and trap her, lifting her out of the water before dropping her back down. She bursts out of the water, grabbing onto the first solid mass she can find, which ends up being Fuma’s shoulders, but he only lets her cling on for a moment before dunking her back in.

The calm water of the lake soon turns chaotic, their laughter and shouts echoing across the shoreline, Euijoo struggling against Fuma until he finally concedes and lets her push his head under the water, coming back up with eyes scrunched closed but with a wide smile on his face. 

Nico has somehow escaped Yuma and Harua also, angrily splashing water towards them, both of them shielding their faces with their hands to avoid Nico’s rabid spray of water.

Euijoo swims over to Nico to join forces, helping her splash water until the boys finally call a truce, Nico getting one more splash at Yuma who is pulled away by Jo before the war can be rekindled again.

“Remind me not to ever mess with them together, they’re scary,” Harua says jokingly to Fuma, the other boy only shaking his head, but Nico beams at the comment, elbowing Euijoo in the side happily.

The birthday “cake” they give Nico as the sun dips below the horizon is just a single strawberry donut they picked up on the way to the campsite with one candle stuck in the side.

They sing happy birthday loudly, their voices getting lost in the crackles of the campfire, and Nico’s face glowing as she holds her donut, flames dancing across her face. She closes her eyes and stays silent for a long time before blowing out her candle, a long wish that she refuses to share the contents of once the candle is blown out, shoving most of the donut in her mouth instead of answering.

“We should do something,” Nico sighs. They’re all lounging around the campfire and passing around a glass pipe, Nico across from her in the circle and head laid on Jo’s lap.

“Like what?” Harua asks, sitting next to Euijoo and leaning back on his hands.

“Spin the bottle?” Jo offers innocently, but Yuma instantly shuts him down.

“Ratio of guys to girls is way too off for that.”

“Isn’t this kinda childish?” Fuma laughs, but doesn’t give any alternatives of what they should do.

Nico smiles, grabbing one of the empty beer bottles next to her to demonstrate, “How about spin the bottle, but we can make it a little more interesting. You spin it and whoever it lands on can either kiss or do a truth or a dare, your choice.”

Nico waits for them to answer, and when no one does she takes it as a yes, sitting up off of Jo’s lap and pressing the bottle against the ground and attempting to spin it in the dirt. It doesn’t spin super well on the hard-packed ground, but it doesn’t seem to matter as long as it points to one of them.

“Yuma, it’s pointing at you,” Nico declares.

“It’s not, it’s pointing at the trees,” he argues back.

“Oh my god stop being such a baby,” Nico laughs, rolling her eyes.

“Fine, I pick truth.”

“Okay,” Nico smiles devilishly, “Is it true you got a blow job in the band room?”

They all start laughing at the question, even more so when Yuma’s face flushes in embarrassment.

“Yes,” he says simply, not elaborating any more.

There’s shouts with follow-up questions, With who? When? Why?, but Yuma only shakes his head, refusing to give any more details.

Yuma hastily grabs the bottle from Nico before they can further interrogate him, the bottle spinning and choosing Jo as the next victim.

“Pick one,” Yuma says with a pout, Jo still ghosting around the smile of Yuma’s admission.

“I learned my lesson, I pick dare,” Jo laughs.

“Fine, I dare you to take off your shirt for the rest of the game.”

Fuma snorts, “Weren’t you the one worried about the guy to girl ratio? Now you’re asking men to strip.”

Yuma punches Fuma in the arm but he barely flinches, and Jo shrugs before pulling his shirt over his head uncaringly.

Euijoo is not sure if she wants the bottle to land on her. She thinks it would probably be okay if it was Jo or Harua who spun on her, but if it’s Nico — Euijoo swallows deeply.

The bottle chooses Harua though, who had been wholly focused on packing the bowl of the pipe until all the attention was turned on him.

“What are the choices again?” Harua asks with eyes darting around the circle.

Nico huffs in annoyance, “Truth, dare, or kiss.”

“Uhhh, truth?”

Nico pouts, “You guys are so boring.”

Harua shakes his head, relighting the pipe and taking a large inhale. “Fine, I’ll make sure to rig it for you next since you’re so brave,” Harua shoots back.

Jo struggles to find a truth to ask, fidgeting and thinking until Fuma leans over and whispers an idea in Jo’s ear.

“Uhh, what’s the longest you haven’t showered?”

Nico boos audibly, calling them all boring again, especially when Harua shrugs and says, “Maybe three days?”

True to Harua’s word, he “spins” the bottle, moving it until it’s pointed directly pointed at Nico.

“So?”

Nico smirks, “Easy, I pick kiss.”

Before she even said it, Eujoo knew she would pick kiss. It’s obvious, if you know anything about Nico, because kissing is the only thing that she can control.

Harua shrugs in what Euijoo can only describe as performative non-chalance, leaning over to kiss Nico like he’s done it a million times before.

Euijoo has seen them kiss once before. But not like this, up close and easily able to hear the sound of their lips smacking together as Nico deepens the kiss. 

The other guys are catcalling at them, laughing, smiling, but Euijoo can only plaster on a fake smile as she watches how clearly Nico’s tongue traces into Harua’s mouth.

Just as quickly as it began, Nico ends it, leaving Harua to linger in the air for a second as she spins the bottle without comment, just a slight smile on her face at winning her imaginary game. Euijoo is so focused on watching Nico’s expression and then Harua’s reaction that it takes her a second to realize the bottle is pointed squarely at her.

“Oh, Juju,” Nico croons happily, “You better pick something good.”

Nico’s lipgloss is smeared a bit on the corner of her mouth, and her eyes are sparkling, waiting for Euijoo’s answer.

“Dare.”

Nico hums, tapping her chin in thought before snapping her fingers at her own idea.

“I dare you to sit on someone’s lap for the next three rounds.”

Realistically, Euijoo knows she has several options to complete the dare. Jo or Yuma would be the obvious choices, safe and friendly, Harua would be a little odd but not out of the realm of possibility. And Nico — that would be strangest of all if she suddenly crossed that line. But only Fuma, he’s the only one that would prick at Nico the way she wants it to.

She plops onto Fuma’s lap without question, leaning back until her head is resting against Fuma’s shoulder.

Nico nods in approval, but Euijoo watches how her mouth twitches a bit in the corner, fingers digging in the dirt below as Euijoo settles fully in Fuma’s lap.

She doesn’t realize that Fuma is embarrassed until she feels his face hiding in the crook of her neck, cheeks hot against her skin, the other boys teasing him and calling him “a hopeless simp”, but she can feel his smile crack against her skin.

“C’mon, it’s your turn,” Nico urges her, passing the bottle to Euijoo hurriedly.

The bottle does one full rotation before pointing right back at Euijoo, furrowing her brow in question, “Does that mean I dare myself something?”

“No, that means it’s Fuma!” Yuma declares happily, pointing at the boy still hidden behind Euijoo.

She looks at Nico for confirmation, waiting to see if Nico insists that Euijoo spins again, but the girl remains silent, eyes lowered and locked on Euijoo.

“Pick! Pick! Pick!” Yuma chants, entirely too happy at Fuma’s demise.

“Kiss,” Fuma says softly, so soft that Euijoo is pretty sure she’s the only one who hears it.

“What? Say it louder,” Harua teases.

“Kiss,” Fuma repeats more loudly, now clear to everyone what he wants.

They all shout and laugh, Yuma leaning over and pounding Fuma on the back like he just won a race, only Nico remaining silent and unmoving from her spot.

If she really wanted to, she could say no, put a stop to this. Fuma would listen, no one would question it, the game would move on. But she thinks about Nico’s tongue pushing into Harua’s mouth, thinks about her little kitten grin as she pulled away, and she’s spinning around to straddle her legs across Fuma’s lap before the thoughts consume her.

Fuma seems shocked at Euijoo’s quick and decisive movement, eyes growing wide and hands raising to steady her on her waist automatically. He waits for Euijoo to make the first move, a gentleman as always, but Euijoo doesn’t feel polite at all.

Kissing Fuma is familiar, but not like this. Usually Fuma takes the lead, but Euijoo overpowers him now, kissing him fervently and with purpose, circling her arms around the back of his neck and pulling him close, until there’s not a breath of space between them. She can tell that Fuma likes it — from the way he stutters out a gasp, how his hands tremble and then grip tightly on her waist, in the small shift of his legs tensing under her.

But it’s not enough to distract her, to pull her mind from wandering and wondering what Nico is thinking right now.

When they pull apart they’re both breathless, chests rising and falling as they catch their breath, the sound of the other boys teasing blurred in the background.

She’s not sure what she expects when she finally detaches herself from Fuma and turns back around to see Nico’s reaction. Maybe her usual teasing smirk, or maybe her eyes are cold and scathing. But what she doesn’t expect is for her to not seem to care at all, laying sideways and eyes trained up at the distant stars.

Nico doesn’t look at her at all as she yawns and stretches her arms above her head, seemingly bored.

“I don’t wanna play anymore, I’m tired,” Nico says simply, and no one protests.

“You want to go set up the bed?” Euijoo asks, scrambling off of Fuma’s lap into her own seat.

And finally, finally, Nico looks at her again, a small smile rising to her face, “Yes, come help me.”

It’s hot in the tent with all their bodies shoved in the small space.

Even so, everyone seems to fall asleep quickly, exhausted from the long day. Fuma is snoring softly on one side of her, and Nico is breathing deeply on the other side, leaving only Euijoo to stare up at the open mesh of the tent above her.

At the beginning of the summer, Euijoo thought she knew exactly what she wanted. But with each day that passes it feels like it gets more and more jumbled in her head, so much so that as she stares at the quiet sky all she wants to do is scream into the endless void to try and clear away the clouds.

Nico shifts next to her, turning on her side and surprising her with her quiet voice.

“Juju, are you awake?”

Euijoo turns on her side to face her too, locking eyes with her in the dark tent. Nico’s hair is a mess from the lake water and the fire, a frizzy halo around her scalp, but her eyes are wide and clear as she waits for Euijoo.

“I haven’t slept,” Euijoo admits quietly.

Nico’s smile creeps slowly up her face, kitty-like and gorgeous.

“Let’s go swimming? Pretty please? For my birthday?”

Euijoo grunts, “It’s not your birthday for a few more days.”

“Think of it as an early present,” Nico rationalizes, already quietly untangling herself from the mess of blankets on the floor of the tent to unzip the entrance slowly as to not wake up the boys.

Nico’s body disappears outside, never turning to see if Euijoo follows as always, but Euijoo crawls out after her, turning and zipping the tent back closed behind her. 

They had all strung up their swimsuits in the tree branches to dry overnight, and Euijoo reaches up to touch one to confirm her suspicions.

“Our swimsuits are still wet,” Euijoo comments, but Nico seems undeterred. 

“Don’t worry about that,” she says, already beginning to carefully scale down the rocky cliffs with only the moonlight to guide them.

Euijoo grabs their damp swimsuits from the tree anyways, running to catch up to Nico.

The water is somehow even more beautiful in the moonlight, reflecting and glowing across the rippling water and casting everything in a magical glow. 

“Here,” Euijoo tries to hand Nico her swimsuit as she begins stripping off her boxer shorts, but Nico pushes her hand away.

“I’m not wearing that,” Nico insists.

“Huh?” Euijoo is confused for a moment, but her question is quickly answered when Nico throws off her shirt next, completely nude as she begins wading in the water.

“Are you crazy?” Euijoo calls after her.

Nico turns back to face Euijoo, smile already etched on her face. The water is only up to her belly button so she’s bare chested in front of Euijoo, but she doesn’t look embarrassed in the slightest, hands cocked on her hips and waiting in expectation. It’s the first time she’s fully seen Nico’s piercings since she got them initially, and they look perfect on her, gleaming in the moonlight like they’ve always been a part of her.

“C’mon!” Nico negs, “I know skinny dipping was on your bucket list!”

Euijoo checks their tent in the distance, still and quiet, confirming they’re truly alone before she begins shedding her clothing. 

“Don’t look!” Euijoo calls back, Nico rolling her eyes but obeying, diving into the water to swim further out.

She gets out of her clothes quickly, crossing her arms over her chest to cover herself, but Nico is far away now, leaving Euijoo alone to splash into the water. Euijoo can’t help but laugh as she wades into the lake — it feels strange to be completely bare in the water, fully uncrossing her arms when she reaches chest height and feeling the cold water rush over every part of her.

“Well? What do you think?” Nico asks when she finally catches up to her in the deeper part of the lake.

“It feels weird,” Euijoo says with a giggle, even stranger when Euijoo realizes they’re both completely naked with only a few inches of water separating them.

“I kinda like it,” Nico says with a half-smile, “It feels like I’m a mermaid or something.”

“It is kinda nice,” Euijoo agrees, “But thinking of fish, I think there’s a one next to you.”

Nico screeches, writhing and splashing in the water wildly, until she notices Euijoo dying of laughter and realizes it’s a lie.

“Fuck you!” Nico shouts, Euijoo shushing her when Nico’s voice echoes loudly across the water, but they’re both laughing.

Nico tries to chase after her in the water, but Euijoo is a much faster swimmer, darting away from her and Nico giving up easily when she realizes the chase is futile.

Euijoo has her back turned when Nico’s words slice through the air.

“So, you’re still leading Fuma on? Do you actually like him? You can be honest.”

Euijoo turns back slowly, feeling her skin grow cold when she sees Nico’s sullen expression.

Euijoo snorts, “Didn’t we already have this conversation before?”

But Euijoo knows, they both know, that this time it’s different. When Nico first brought it up it was light and easy, but now Nico is dark and serious.

“Yeah, and then you kissed him again.”

“It was a game,” Euijoo defends softly, but even she knows the defense is weak, “You kissed Harua also.”

Nico glares at her sharply, “It’s not like that with Harua and you know it.”

Euijoo does know. That as much as it feels like being punched in the stomach every time she sees the two of them together, that by the end of the summer they will be nothing to each other, whereas with Fuma, it was hard to shake the feeling of him lingering everywhere.

“I dunno how I feel, everything is all mixed up in my brain,” Euijoo admits truthfully. 

“I don’t think you like him,” Nico says definitively, like she’s seen the inside of Euijoo’s head and heart and knows exactly what she feels, and maybe she has.

Euijoo scrunches her eyebrows together, “I’ve never had a boyfriend, how am I supposed to know how it’s supposed to feel?”

Nico shakes her head resolutely, “Not like this.”

“What’s it supposed to be like then, if you know so much,” Euijoo smiles, trying to keep things lighthearted, but Nico remains serious, soft moon glow highlighting the sharp planes of her face.

“It should feel like…giant swoops in your stomach…thinking about them all the time…feeling jealous when they give attention to someone else…knowing that no one understands you better than them.”

“Hm,” Euijoo hums, turning the words over in her head.

Euijoo can remember the first time she liked a boy. It was just a small school girl crush, something soft and fleeting, ending as quickly as it began. She would never call it love, and she’s not sure if she’s ever felt it, and yet it feels like she’s missing it at the same time. 

But liking and loving — it felt like a choice she never truly made, that with Fuma it was something that just happened rather than something she chose. That she didn’t choose her mom or her sister. That even with Nico it was like she was there her whole life. She knows she wants someone to love her desperately, to feel that caring and warmth, to have someone she can give the same to, but it feels scary to give that away to the wrong person, that when she makes the choice it will be the wrong one. 

It’s such a small touch. Just a gentle hand on Euijoo’s shoulder. But it means everything, Nico’s skin still warm despite the cold water, fingers squeezing as she speaks.

“I’m just worried,” Nico admits quietly, “that if you keep going like this…he will…I’ll lose you.”

“Why do you keep worrying about that?” Euijoo blinks, trying to read all the different emotions that pass through Nico’s pupils, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Nico laughs, “Because, the way I feel about you isn’t normal.” She finally takes her hand away from Euijoo’s shoulder, water rippling slightly as her arm is fully submerged again. “I mean,” Nico adds, clearing her throat and turning away, “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to find another friend like you. I don’t wanna share you.”

It’s not something that Euijoo would dare to admit, but Nico was always the more honest one of the two of them. But Euijoo hates the idea of sharing Nico too, feels her cheeks turn red in anger just at the thought of someone mattering more to her than Euijoo does. 

“It’s different,” Euijoo says simply. Because it was a totally different playing field, incomparable in what they were to each other versus everyone else. But it felt like all the wires were getting crossed, messy and tangled.

“Yeah,” Nico sighs, “I guess it is.” 

When they sneak back into the tent, it’s like they were never gone.

They slip back under the blankets with damp hair and pruned skin, and this time, it only takes a couple of minutes for Euijoo to fall asleep.

“Juju,” Fuma calls, “Come help me get this stuff to the the car.”

Euijoo hops up from her spot on the ground next to Nico, following after Fuma to climb up the hill to reach where they parked along the road.

Nico gives her a look before she leaves, trying to communicate something that Euijoo can only shrug in response to.

They were slowly tearing down their campsite, not in a particular rush to get home, although Euijoo is already imagining a hot shower as she feels the sweat pool on the back of her neck as they lug bags up the hill.

They had woken up in the afternoon, groggy and sleepy and eating the last of their food before taking one last swim and then deciding to start packing up.

They’re both out of breath by the time they get to the car, only the sound of their breathing filling the space as they open the trunk to Fuma’s SUV.

Fuma opens the trunk, oddly silent as they both throw their bags inside. 

“Anything else?” Euijoo asks, but she can feel the shift in the air around them, Fuma’s odd energy rolling off of him heavily.

“Can we talk for a sec?”

Euijoo nods, sliding to sit on the edge of the trunk bed, Fuma following after to sit next to her.

She can tell Fuma is nervous. The way his eyes stay trained on the ground and the way his hands grip the edge of the car.

“I’m sorry if this makes things weird between us, but…” Fuma trails off, scratching the back of his neck nervously, “...but in case it wasn’t obvious, I really like you.”

Euijoo feels her eyes slip close, blinking slowly and letting the world come back into focus. It’s like she’s gotten so used to existing at an angle, on the edge of a cliffside, and this pulled her back to flat and solid land.

“Why?” Euijoo asks.

Fuma’s brows furrow, “Why? What do you mean?”

“Why do you like me, Fuma?”

The thing is — Fuma is nice and handsome and everything she should want. But she’s not sure if she believes him. He barely knows her, doesn’t know more than the prologue of the carefully written lines written in her soul, so how can he be so sure he likes her? When she keeps everything close to her chest and firmly locked.

Fuma shifts in his seat, eyes flicking up in question, “Do I need a reason?”

Euijoo shakes her head, “You don’t like me. You like that I give you attention, I could be any girl and you would feel just the same, you don’t know me at all.”

Fuma stays calm despite the sharp accusations. He reaches out a hand, gripping her own fingers softly, not realizing until that moment that they had been trembling.

“You’re right, I don’t know you. I wanna know more about you.”

Euijoo wets her lips, trying to appease the dryness in her mouth. “So, I let you in and we finally fuck and then what? With your curiosity finally fulfilled? You would get bored of me.”

Fuma finally cracks a bit, hand slipping out of Euijoo’s to scoot backwards, “Why are you assuming these things about me? D’you think that badly of me? It’s not just about your body or sex or whatever I…”

You’re not her, Euijoo wants to say, and everyone else makes me feel like I’m being used, but she swallows the words down.

“I’m sorry," she doesn’t realize she’s crying until she feels warm tears dripping off her chin.

“It’s okay,” Fuma replies quickly, moving back into her space to cup her cheeks in his hands, “I mean, I’m sorry too. I didn’t know you would react this way or well, I thought I would get flat out rejected not...”

Euijoo shakes her head again, the tears coming faster, “I’m sorry, I can’t do it, I’m sorry. There’s something wrong with me.”

Fuma grips tighter, leaning down to give a small peck on her lips in comfort. 

“It’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with you, okay?”

But that’s the biggest proof of all that Fuma doesn’t know her. There’s so much wrong with her. Selfishness, jealousy, and darkness, all of it etched into her being. 

Fuma offering her so much of what she wants, and yet she can’t do it, she can’t choose it, no matter how hard she tries. 

“It’s not that I’m rejecting you, I just -” Euijoo swallows deeply, trying to regain the footing of her emotions, “I don’t think I’m what you want.”

“I want you,” Fuma says softly, “I promise it’s you.”

She uses the back of her hand to wipe her tears hastily, feeling swollen and gross and wishing she could be alone right now.

“Let’s just go back,” she mumbles, hopping down from the car bed. She keeps her back turned to Fuma, waits and listens to hear him to stand too, the trunk being closed with finality before she begins to walk back to their friends. 

When they return to the campsite, it must be clear that Euijoo has been crying. The rest of the boys glance at each other nervously and Nico stiffens, looking at her in concern before whipping away wordlessly, a clear sign that she wants Euijoo to follow.

She glances back one more time at Fuma before trailing after Nico, watching how Fuma simply shakes his head at Yuma, and Yuma coming over to pat Fuma on the back.

When they reach a private enough copse of trees, Nico stops, turning to face Euijoo who is still sniffling. 

“What the hell happened?” Nico asks, arms crossed over her chest and eyes narrowed, “Do I need to kill him? Do we need to walk all the way home instead of getting in his fucking car because I will.”

Euijoo shakes her head, throat still tight as she speaks, “He told me he likes me.”

“But..” Nico looks confused, eyes softening, “I thought he hurt you, you look so upset.”

“No, it’s fine,” Euijoo tries to brush it off. She’s not sure how to explain to Nico why she’s crying, why it feels like her whole chest has caved in. 

“It’s clearly not fine,” Nico says in concern, waiting for Euijoo to further elaborate. 

“He doesn’t actually like me,” Euijoo explains simply.

Nico frowns, “How do you know?”

“Because,” Euijoo sighs, “It’s convenient for him, not a choice.”

Because —

How does she explain that she knows Fuma doesn’t like her because he doesn’t see a ring in a thrift store and knows she would like it. Because he doesn’t ask her endless questions just to prove to everyone else that they’re soulmates. Because he doesn’t scrape his knees climbing into her bedroom window. Because he doesn’t tease her in a way that makes her skin burn hot but her heart beat low in her stomach. Because he doesn’t push her to do the things he knows she really wants.

And suddenly, the answer to Euijoo’s question about what it should feel like becomes clear — it’s a feeling that Euijoo has known all along.

“Here,” Euijoo smiles, handing the small box to Nico.

“For my actual birthday, I want it to just be us two,” Nico had told her when they returned home from camping. 

It was an easy wish to fulfill a couple days later, just the two of them sitting on the carpet of Nico’s living room, the house empty except for them. 

Nico pushes away their partially eaten pizza, half-cheese for Nico and half-pepperoni for Euijoo, ignores the movie lowly playing in the background in favor of ripping into Euijoo’s present to her. 

“It’s not much,” Euijoo tries to preface, but Nico is already giddy with excitement.

She pulls the black book out of the box, looking up at Euijoo in question.

“Just open it,” she instructs, Nico running a gentle finger over the black leather cover before flipping to the first page.

“Oh,” Nico says softly, taking it in fully before flipping to the next.

“I’ve been working on it for a little while,” Euijoo explains, smiling as she watches Nico’s different reactions to each page.

It was mostly pictures. Pictures taken on polaroids and disposable cameras over the years, pictures of them, pictures of food, pictures of the sky, pictures of all their different memories together. But it was other things too, things Euijoo had saved over the years. A ticket stub of a movie they both hated. A dried flower from the day Nico got stung by a bee on the nose and Euijoo laughed for hours. A receipt from 7/11 for two large slushies.

Nico takes her time looking through it, quieter than her usual demeanor. Even if she doesn’t say much, it’s all there for Euijoo to see — the way her eyes grow bright at certain pictures, how she laughs at a funny memory, how she holds her breath at the last page. 

She ended the book with a picture of all of them from Nico’s birthday trip, all of them posed around the fire with Nico smiling brightly in the middle. 

They haven’t talked about what happened, and Fuma’s messages stay unread on Euijoo’s phone. 

“Who knew you could be such a sap,” Nico laughs, closing the book and hugging it to her chest. 

Euijoo scoffs, trying to start to clean their mess of discarded pizza and tissue paper, but Nico runs off. 

“I got myself a present too,” Nico announces, plopping back down on the carpet with a devilish grin, “Well, a present for both of us.”

“Hm?” Euijoo asks in question, watching Nico hide something behind her back.

“Have you ever tried an edible?” Nico reveals the small bag, four bright pink gummies sitting at the bottom.

Euijoo shakes her head, her inexperience seemingly making Nico even more excited. 

“Better than a cake,” Nico declares, “Two for each of us,” as she plops the gummies first in her own hand and then Euijoo’s.

She inspects the candies in her palm, seemingly normal on the outside. 

“Shouldn’t we just start with one?”

“It’ll be fine,” Nico insists, and before she can protest further, Nico pops both candies in her mouth and chews with a slight smile still etched on her face. 

Theoretically, if Euijoo was going to take an edible, this would be the best time to do it. They’re alone, in the safety of Nico’s living room, and she’s with the person she trusts most in the world. And — curiosity has always gotten the better of her. 

She follows after Nico, eating one gummy at a time until her hands are bare.

It takes about an hour for Euijoo to start feeling it. It’s like the world is moving in slow motion and like her thoughts are flowing out of her mouth before she can fully grasp them. Nothing else matters anymore — the world, her family, school on the horizon — only Nico and how everything blurs around her as she continues to ramble on. 

“I’m gonna be famous one day,” Nico declares, glaring when Euijoo snorts. “What? You don’t believe me?’

Euijoo laughs, “No, no, go on.”

The thing is — Euijoo did believe her. She doesn’t know how or why, but she’s sure that Nico could become famous if she wanted to, that the world could fall in love with her easily.

“I’m gonna get famous,” Nico continues to explain, words slurring, “I’ll make lots of money and buy a big house for all of us to live in. You and me and Joohee and our moms. No dads or boys.”

“Yeah,” Euijoo adds, smiling at the thought, “and I can be your assistant, keep you in check.”

“That sounds nice,” Nico agrees, falling backwards until she’s laying flat on the carpet, eyes trained up at the ceiling. She pats the spot next to her, waiting until Euijoo lays down next to her.

They both remain quiet, the TV buzzing and the AC clicking to life in the background, but it feels like a bubble has surrounded them, peaceful and serene inside of it, just the two of them in this little space. 

It’s slightly dizzying to be horizontal, Euijoo blinking slowly to try and keep the whole room from spinning and turning into liquid. She feels like she’s sinking into the carpet, like the soft tufts will open up and swallow her whole, the whole world slowly undulating under her. 

Nico shifts next to her, body moving closer until their forearms are brushing. Even with the ceiling fan spinning in wild circles above them, it feels hot in the room, skin burning at the mere touch. 

Nico tilts her head sideways, feels her eyes boring into Euijoo’s face, but it takes Euijoo a second to return the gesture, neck slowly turning until they’re eye to eye. 

“Mm,” Nico’s voice is low, so close that her breath fans over Euijoo’s cheek, “You got a hair.” Nico’s hand reaches up, plucking the strand of hair that was stuck to Euijoo’s lipgloss, moving to tuck the stray piece behind Euijoo’s ear. 

This close, it’s easy to watch the reflections of Nico’s eyes. The way her eyes wander from Euijoo’s lips to her ear and back to her lips. How her hand hovers and hesitates before resting on the side of Euijoo’s neck. 

“Can I?” Nico asks, eyes blinking softly. 

Euijoo doesn’t really know what Nico is asking permission to do, but she knows she wants it, whatever Nico is asking to give her. She nods slowly in response, lungs full of air but it feels like the whole room is sucked of oxygen. 

Even with approval, there’s still a hesitation, a shaking in Nico’s pupils before she moves. It’s like a building wave, all the tide being drawn back into the ocean, the water building higher and higher until it finally peaks and crashes.

She hates the stupid edible at this moment. Because she can’t tell if the feeling of exploding into a million fireworks is because of Nico’s lips brushing against her or because of the weed coursing through her bloodstream. 

It’s the first time she’s kissed a girl. 

It’s the first time she’s kissed Nico. 

She’s softer than a boy in every way — lips plush as they move against hers, hand gently grasping under Euijoo’s jaw to bring her in closer, the velvet skin of her arm brushing against her. 

One more kiss on the center of Euijoo’s lips and Nico pulls away, both of their eyes sliding open as they stare at each other. 

“Nichol,” Euijoo gasps. 

She almost never calls Nico by her full name, but it rushes out of her at that moment, Nico’s eyes growing wide at being called that. 

It’s like it sets a fire in Nico’s belly, the girl moving like saying her full name was the firing shot into the air to start a race. 

Nico climbs over her, legs parting to plant her knees on either side of Euijoo’s torso, grabbing the hair tie on her wrist to quickly pull her hair into a messy ponytail. 

She dives down, kissing Euijoo feverishly, like she wants to swallow her whole. 

It feels so good, better than anything that Euijoo has ever felt before, soft and sharp all at the same time as Nico bites down on Euijoo’s bottom lip, hesitating one last time before licking a tentative tongue along her mouth. 

Euijoo is tired of hesitating though. She wants more, greedy and selfish as she raises her leaden hands to grip around Nico’s small waist and pull her flush against her, sucking Nico’s tongue into her mouth forcefully and eliciting a small noise from the back of Nico’s throat. 

She had never dared to imagine Nico like this. Because, she knew, that as soon as she crossed into that threshold of her mind there was no turning back. It would consume her, every waking moment and every dream would be filled with imagining how beautiful and good and perfect Nico would look and feel with Euijoo’s hands on her body. 

She slides her hands under the back of Nico’s shirt, feeling how Nico shivers when she traces her fingers over the soft planes of Nico’s skin. 

Nico is hovering over her, lips smacking as she pulls away, Euijoo feeling her heart stutter when Nico leans back to sit back against Euijoo’s thighs.

Nico is staring at her in question, eyes blown wide and chest moving up and down with each breath. There was nothing simple about Nico’s mind. Euijoo had become pretty good at reading her over the years, but there were still moments like these where Nico became indecipherable, a puzzle of pieces that Euijoo can only blindly try to put together.

She doesn’t have time to think about trying to piece Nico’s thoughts, because the girl is gripping on the end of her own shirt and pulling, throwing her shirt to the side and leaving her bare.

“What?” Nico’s fierce expression softens into a smile, teasing and warm, “You’re blushing.”

“M’not,” Euijoo tries to fight back, but she can feel the heat in her cheeks, can feel how she’s unable to rake her gaze away from the creamy skin of Nico’s chest.

Nico bends back down into Euijoo’s space, hands on either side of Euijoo’s head and hair falling into her face as she closes the distance until they’re nose to nose. 

“You can touch,” Nico taunts when Euijoo still remains frozen.

Euijoo swallows, trying to keep her hand steady as it slowly rises and finally cups over Nico’s chest.

Nico lets out a gasp at the small touch, hot breath fanning over Euijoo’s face and spurring her on to be more brave.

Nico has always had smaller boobs, but they feel perfect in Euijoo’s hands, especially when she feels the cool metal of her piercing and flicks it slightly with her finger. 

It’s probably not a good idea, because Nico’s piercing is still healing, and for once Nico is silent as she moves, but she can’t help it. She guides Nico downwards until her nipple is fully situated in her mouth, sucking lightly and feeling the barbell clank against her teeth. 

Nico’s eyes flutter close, leaving Euijoo to stare up at her as she moves to the other side, kissing across the soft skin of her chest in a fiery trail.

“Let me see you,” Nico says suddenly, Euijoo so lost in it that her bottom lip catches on Nico’s jewelry when she pulls away.

Nico’s hands brush under her shirt, moving up Euijoo’s stomach until they reach her chest, fingers gliding over the soft cotton of Euijoo’s bra. She mindlessly plays with Euijoo over the fabric, until she gets impatient and tugs at Euijoo’s shirt, Euijoo lifting her back slightly to help Nico remove the garment. Euijoo’s bra comes next, Nico first sliding the straps off her shoulders, the bra sliding down until Euijoo is fully exposed, Euijoo finally giving in and reaching behind herself to unclasp it.

Her arms automatically cross over her chest in self-consciousness, but Nico is grabbing her wrists before she can fully cover herself. 

“There’s no need to hide,” Nico laughs, pinning Euijoo’s arms away from herself and staring down hungrily at Euijoo’s chest. “Yours are so much nicer than mine.”

Euijoo tries to deny it, shakes her head rapidly, but Nico has already made up her mind. 

“So pretty,” she croons, letting go of Euijoo’s wrists in favor of leaving a wet kiss on the side of Euijoo’s neck. 

Nico is less hesitant than Euijoo was, cupping and squeezing around Euijoo’s breasts earnestly, a slight smirk on her face as she dips down and suckles one nipple into her mouth. 

She lets Nico play with her for a moment, watching how Nico will suck one breast into her mouth while her fingers pinch the nipple of the other. She watches until it becomes too much, until she misses the taste of Nico on her lips. 

“Nico,” she calls softly, dragging her by the neck upwards until their mouths connect again. She can feel Nico grin into the kiss this time, legs parting until they’re chest to chest, the metal of Nico’s piercing scraping against her skin. 

Nico circles a hand around Euijoo’s wrist, leading her hand downward until she’s pressed against the dip in Nico’s boxers. Nico lets go, but Euijoo’s hand doesn’t move, heart beating so wildly that Euijoo is sure that Nico must feel it pulsing through her wrist.

“Shit,” Euijoo gasps out when she moves her hand slowly and realizes that she can feel the wetness through the thin fabric.

It’s Nico’s turn to gasp as Euijoo continues to pet her, stuttering out, “Juju, don’t do this if you’re not gonna…”

Nico doesn’t get to finish because Euijoo pulls her hand away, moving to grip the waistband of Nico’s boxers instead.

“Off,” She says in demand, watching how Nico’s eyelashes flutter rapidly at the stern voice. 

Nico obeys quickly, allowing Euijoo to pull her boxers off fully, her wet cunt now fully exposed.  

She flips Nico onto her back, hovering over her for a second before returning her hand back downwards. She starts slowly, feeling across the wet folds before circling a tentative finger around Nico’s clit. 

It’s hard to look away from Nico’s face. She’s so expressive, every emotion written across her brows and pouty mouth, and it makes Euijoo wonder how many people have gotten the pleasure of seeing Nico like this, chest rising with shallow breaths and eyes glittering with want. 

She dips two fingers in slowly, so wet and tight and she can feel Nico’s walls throbbing around her. 

“Please, please,” Nico begs as Euijoo’s fingers sink deeper inside her.

“What do you want?” Euijoo asks, slowly pumping in and out as Nico writhes beneath her. 

“You. More. Anything,” Nico says breathless, lip caught between her teeth to hold back.

Euijoo wants to hear her so bad though, her soft and pretty whimpers, so she pumps faster inside her, reaching with her other hand to grip under Nico’s chin to make her look Euijoo in the eye.

“Do you know what you look like right now?”

Nico shakes her head, blinking up at her with downturned eyes, so sharp and sweet even now. 

“You look like a spoiled little princess, pouting at me when you already have all of me.”

She can feel Nico tighten at the words, crying out when Euijoo hooks her fingers just so and finds the sweet spot behind her. 

“Oh, yeah?” Nico challenges, “Why are you so far away then?”

Euijoo laughs, shifting upwards and changing her angle, until she’s close to Nico’s face again. 

“You can never have enough,” Euijoo teases, kissing under Nico’s jaw and moving until she’s captured Nico’s lips between hers.

She kisses Nico through her orgasm, biting down on the stuttered little moans that escape Nico’s mouth as she feels Nico shake and tighten around her fingers. 

Euijoo removes her fingers slowly, sticky wetness trailing after her, and both of them breathing heavily.

“Your turn,” Nico determines, quickly undoing the button and the zipper on Euijoo’s jean shorts and pulling the piece down Euijoo’s legs until they’re completely off. 

Nico doesn’t touch her immediately, she takes her time. She pushes Euijoo to be flat on her back now, kissing in the valley between Euijoo’s breasts, moving lower and kissing the skin of Euijoo’s stomach that’s still marked with the impression of where her shorts dug into her. 

Euijoo can feel her panties fill with warmth, clenching her legs together to relieve some of the pressure, but Nico pries her knees open, exposing her fully to Nico’s hungry eyes. 

She still goes achingly slowly, nosing over the fabric of Euijoo’s underwear before licking a long stripe over the fabric. Euijoo feels her whole body quiver at the movement, sure that she could cum just like this, with Nico only mouthing over through layers of fabric. 

“You’re so pretty like this, Juju,” Nico says softly, petting over Euijoo’s wet panties one last time before fully pulling the garment off. 

It should feel less scary since Euijoo knows Nico has all the same parts as her, but she still feels vulnerable like this, Nico sitting back on her knees to admire her with a small smirk. 

Euijoo feels dizzy with want, head fuzzy as she stares at the soft blush across Nico’s cheeks. 

She almost cums right on the spot when Nico dips down and licks a long stripe along her cunt. 

“Fuck,” Euijoo gasps out, feeling like her inside are turning into jelly at having Nico’s attention fully on her. 

“No one ever eat you out before?” Nico questions, taking a beat before licking slowly over her again. 

“No,” Euijoo admits.

“Well,” Nico seems almost pleased by the answer, using her hands to part Euijoo’s legs even further, “I’ll have to do it the best for you then.”

Nico focuses more on Euijoo’s clit now, circling around the small nub with her tongue before sucking it into her mouth. It should be gross, the lewd sound of Nico slurping over her clit, but it’s somehow even hotter seeing her getting messy for her, eyes searching for Euijoo’s reaction with each lick. 

She does it over and over, until Euijoo is squirming under Nico’s mouth, her own mouth falling open at the sensation. 

It feels better than anything Euijoo has ever felt before, and maybe it’s because of the way Nico noses along her skin before taking her into her mouth again, but she’s pretty sure it’s because of Nico herself, feeling her legs shake more with each moment that Nico devotes herself to her. 

She can’t help the cry she lets out when Nico’s tongue finally breaches inside, hands scrambling to tangle into Nico’s hair. She yanks the strands gently, Nico pulling out when she feels the tug.

“You want me to stop?” Nico asks, face and chin already a mess from devouring her. 

“No,” Euijoo replies quickly, “I don’t…it feels so good, don’t stop.”

The compliment pleases Nico, her grin growing wide before she dives back down. She adds her fingers along with her tongue inside of Euijoo, feeling wet and full all at the same time. 

When Euijoo was sixteen she had a dream about Nico. It was innocent, mostly. In the dream she had been sitting on the plush chair in the corner of Nico’s room, Nico on her knees in front of her, squeezing the flesh of Euijoo’s thigh until it bruised under her fingertips, staring at her with sinister eyes until Euijoo woke up. 

But she’s nothing like that now. Her eyes are dark and hungry but not mean, staring at her like all she wants is to please her more than anything else. 

“I won’t ever leave you,” Euijoo says suddenly between short breaths, thinking of how tender and vulnerable Nico has been these last months. 

Nico stutters in her movements — only for a moment before she regains her pace, but Euijoo notices small crystalline tears lining her lower lashes. 

She clenches around Nico’s tongue and fingers, knees pressing together and trapping Nico’s face between them. 

She cums hard and drawn out, waves a pleasure rolling through her over and over. Nico keeps going even as the orgasm ebbs away, keeps going until Euijoo hooks her hands under Nico’s armpits and pulls her upwards. She can taste herself on Nico’s tongue as she kisses her over and over, wet and messy, but even more she can taste Nico’s salty tears as they slide down her cheeks and between them.

When Euijoo wakes up the next morning, she feels her eyelids slowly creep open, ready to see how the world has changed overnight. 

She expects something to be different somehow, after feeling, knowing what Nico feels like beneath her fingertips. But everything looks the same in Nico’s living room. Their pizza is still half-eaten with the box pushed to the side. Nico’s birthday present is still sitting on the crumpled tissue paper she had ripped into. The plastic bag that was once filled with gummy candy is empty and open on the carpet. 

The only difference is — Nico is gone. Running, running, running, only this time she didn’t wait for Euijoo to catch her.