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"I'm so tired. Like, so so tired. Would you please tell the clock to stop ticking and let me hold your hand?"
He wished he could say that. He wished the warmth those hands offered to him wouldn't disappear. He wasn't the one who loved to complain about something that had bothered him. He's more reserved than that.
He couldn't be shaken. He had to keep strong. Stronger than anyone in here. He had to hold his head high even during the hardest time. For they wouldn't waver.
But there's always a time when he thought he had enough of all this. There's always a moment when he needed a shoulder to lean on.
Deep inside, he longed for someone to actually realize he's not as strong as he seemed.
It's almost midnight and he still couldn’t close his eyes. Tomorrow is the final. One more win and they could go to Koshien, a stage for almost two years he aimed for. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to rest even after Sawamura dragged him to catch his pitches.
The night breeze‘s sending shiver to his skin, he forgot it’s already autumn. The temperature’s of course colder than summer. The long shirt he’s wearing wouldn’t enough to swat away the cold air.
A can of coffee he got from vending machine almost empty. Maybe it’s the caffeine, or maybe it’s the intense ache he felt in his ribs that made him awake. (The pain he got after he was tackled by a runner from another team in his previous game.) Whatever it was, he hoped the pain wouldn’t affect his play.
“Miyuki-senpai?”
A voice brought him back to reality. He wouldn’t deny that it startled him a little. There stood someone Miyuki knew. His petite body was covered by a blue jacket which made his pink strands stand out. A small yet sincere smile’s adorning his slightly flushed face.
“Ah, I thought we agreed to call each other by given names when we’re alone, Haru-chan?” He chuckled as that face got redder.
“Would you please stop using that nickname?” He mumbled as he made his way to sit beside Miyuki.
“Hm … Call my name first?”
He bit his lip as he said so quietly, “K-Kazuya-san.”
“That’s still so formal,” Miyuki pouted childishly, clearly not satisfied.
Haruichi glanced at him. Though his face’s still felt warm, he raised his finger to poke Miyuki’s cheek. “Are you angry?”
Miyuki leaned away, tried to avoid that finger. His smirk made its way to his face. “What do you think, Haru-chan?”
His blush’s getting worse when he heard his nickname once again. “P-please stop calling me that.”
He laughed as he patted those pink strands, “Nope. It suits you.”
Haruichi sighed. He knew the moment his upperclassman who sat beside him started to call him ‘Haru-chan’ he wouldn’t stop even if Haruichi begged him.
“Haru-chan,” see, Miyuki really enjoyed to make him blushed, “do you want some juices?”
He stared at a can of drink he offered to him. He reached and started to examine it. “It’s not tomato, right?”
“How rude, Haru-chan. Don’t you trust me?”
“Last time you gave me juice, it was tomato. You know I don’t like tomato.” He glared at the spectacles man who laughed sheepishly while raised his hands.
“Not my fault you’re so fun to tease.”
Haruichi pouted. Both his hands still hold the cool can which fortunately was labeled as apple juice, the one Haruichi liked. He took one sip and smiled when he felt the freshness from that fluid. He looked at Miyuki as his smile got wider. “It’s apple. Thank you.”
Miyuki couldn’t hold it as he curved his lips and pinched the younger’s cheek. “I told you.”
The pink haired boy whined as Miyuki didn’t stop to pinch his cheek and began to laugh. He dropped his hand when he grimaced because the twinge he felt from his side. Haruichi titled his head.
“Kazuya-san?”
Miyuki tried so hard to hide his pained expression but failed miserably as those magenta eyes looked at him. “It’s nothing," he shook his head, "By the way, why didn’t you sleep yet?”
Haruichi pressed his lips. Clearly Miyuki tried to hide something from him. “I can’t sleep. What about you, Kazuya-san?”
“Same.”
There’s nothing to say as they both became silent in the next minutes and let the night breeze filled up the silence between them. Haruichi ducked his head. His bangs were covering his eyes. He’s more interested in drops of water from the can he’s holding than the fidget he felt from his senpai beside him.
Miyuki stared at the sky, didn’t dare to look at his significant other. He didn’t realize he clenched his hands so hard his knuckles turned white as the throb in his side increased until he felt a smaller hand pried his clenched hand open.
His brown eyes blinked as those reddish eyes he’s so captivated to, scanned his face. Miyuki felt a little squeeze from his hand Haruichi’s holding. He parted his lips, wanted to ask what's wrong to the younger boy whom still didn't divert his gaze from him before Haruichi interrupted him.
“Kazuya-san, can I ask you something?” He asked softly Miyuki almost missed it. He nodded, giving the smaller hand another squeeze. “Are you okay?”
Miyuki tensed when he heard Haruichi’s question. He couldn’t deny that his heart now beat faster as he processed the words. He forced a laugh and ruffled Haruichi’s hair, “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”
Haruichi chose to duck his head, ignoring the hand that was messing his pink locks. Both his hands were still holding one of Miyuki’s firmly. His breath were getting shallow as he said quietly, “I noticed it … when I help you with your gear.”
“Notice what?”
Haruichi brushed off the question for he knew Miyuki wouldn't spill everything to him so easily (despite they're dating for almost three months now). He looked up, and when the night breeze’s gently swaying his bangs, Miyuki could see those teary eyes that made his chest tighten. His voice got softer with every word he said to Miyuki. “You know I won’t stop you, Kazuya-san. I can’t do that now, can I?”
He stunned, surely didn't expect those words came out from the quivering lips. He sighed, though deep inside he was annoyed at himself for let his guard down and made Haruichi realized his condition. He pulled Haruichi into him, embraced the smaller one so tight yet delicate. Haruichi shook underneath him and let a whisper slip out from his lips, “Please don’t hurt yourself further.”
Haruichi closed his eyes as he indulged himself into the warmth Miyuki offered to as a comfort. It didn’t matter how hard he tried to ask him because the one who was holding him now wouldn’t stop playing. And he couldn’t bring himself to tell the coach about his condition. Because he couldn’t betray the trust Miyuki gave to him. For Miyuki is the irreplaceable one in this team.
So, please … don’t force yourself if the pain gets unbearable.
He wrapped his arms around Miyuki tighter as he hoped his plea could reach Miyuki. He could feel his tears almost roll down to his cheek. (And he tried so hard to stifle sobs that might come out.)
Miyuki stroke those pink strands gently. He couldn’t promise anything to him right now, even if he wanted to. So he just kissed Haruichi’s head as the answer to his plea while he didn’t stop caressing the younger Kominato’s hair. And as he kept hugging him, reassuring the younger one that he’d be okay, he didn’t feel anything but the warmth that slowly engulfed both his heart and soul.
He lost count on time for he became engrossed to the hug he received from Haruichi. He pulled back a little and cupped Haruichi’s face. His brown eyes gazed at the flushed face that didn’t hide those eyes behind his bangs anymore. There were tears in the corner of his eyes and Miyuki brushed them away, prevented them from staining that beautiful face. “I’ll try, okay?”
Haruichi nodded. This wasn’t the answer he was hoping for, but at least a part of him felt relieved Miyuki wouldn’t force himself too hard. He mirrored the smile Miyuki gave him and his eyes fluttered closed as Miyuki kissed his forehead gently once again. A soft ‘thank you’ he heard made his smile even wider.
Miyuki tucked Haruichi’s hair behind his ear and pinched his slightly plump cheek. He chuckled when a soft whine slip out from Haruichi’s lips. He then decided to stand up and stuck his hand out, waiting Haruichi to take it, “Let’s get back to the dorm. It’s getting late and I can’t imagine if Ryou-san finds out about us.”
“Aniki won’t do anything, though,” Haruichi said as he interlaced his fingers with Miyuki’s.
“He won’t do anything to you,” he squeezed the smaller hand, “He’ll definitely do something to me.”
Haruichi laughed softly when he looked at Miyuki’s expression. He squeezed the larger hand he was holding on and tried to poke Miyuki's cheek again as the latter flicked Haruichi's nose.
Tomorrow is the final. One more win, they would go to Koshien. And Miyuki didn’t feel any burden as long as Haruichi’s here with him.
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