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The smell of butter and sugar lingered in the air, curling into the warm hum of jazz music playing at the coffee shop. It was still early, before customers started trickling in, and the sunlight spilling through the tall windows painted everything in gold. Taesan was going over every detail carefully behind the counter when the front door opened. He didn’t look up at first, hearing the familiar sound was almost second nature at this point. When he first opened the coffee shop those bells were all he could hear after the closing shift.
But then he heard a familiar voice, that sweet tone that sent shivers through his spine.
“Excuse me… where should I put these?”
Like a spell, he lifted his head to check if he wasn’t dreaming.
In flesh and blood, his first love stood there in the doorway, framed by the light outside like an angel that came for a quick visit. However it seemed like that wasn’t the case. Leehan was holding a giant box, the same delivered every monday at the coffee shop, probably left at the doorway earlier. The delivery guy already knew that Taesan barely left his spot inside the building, and coming in was too much of a burden, so they agreed on that instead. However, on this particular day, Taesan completely forgot about their agreement, too immersed in his own thoughts because they finally hired a new baker.
Leehan approached, distracted, trying to be polite in front of the stranger.
Only Taesan wasn’t a stranger. Not to him.
For a moment, neither moved. The faint hiss of the espresso machine was the only sound between them.
“Leehan...” Taesan said, his voice quiet and careful.
Flashes from 6 years ago ran through both of their minds. They were fifteen, they were youthful, as close as someone can be, inseparable. They were in love.
It should’ve been easy to say something after all this time, but Taesan’s throat tightened. He remembered being in high school, standing in the rain with Leehan’s hands still warm in his, saying goodbye because there was no other choice. Now, here he was, standing in his coffee shop like the years in between had been nothing but a long, cruel pause. Leehan shifted his weight, glancing around the place.
“Nice shop.” He said, but there was a stiffness in his tone. Taesan felt like dying.
“So. You’re the new baker.”
Leehan set the boxes down gently on the counter.
“Guess so. It’s been a while.”
“Yeah. Six years.”
Leehan pressed his lips together, in an attempt to keep quiet and stop himself from saying something stupid like ‘i missed you’.
“Okay, um. Thank you for bringing the box inside. Let me show you around.”
“So you’re my boss now?” Leehan joked and Taesand felt a punch on his stomach. He looked as beautiful as the last time they saw each other, and now they’re just a guy and his employee.
“Guess so.” He repeated what the other said, and the small talk was done.
Taesan helped him with everything he could. Leehan didn’t need that much help though, he was basically an internet celebrity at this point. His youtube channel gathered 100,000 followers and his Instagram recipes were always getting viral. Taesan would love to taste his recipes again, maybe that being the reason why he opened that damn place after all. See, he’s great at managing people, but a terrible baker himself.
So when his friend and main baker suggested hiring someone else he knew, Taesan accepted right away. The place was open for 4 months now, but slowly people were getting more and more interested. It was a logical choice that Taesan wouldn't have done if he knew who the new guy was.
Well. Choices were made, in the past and to this day too. He decided to take things professionally. Leehan probably fell in love again, right? He probably had a pretty girlfriend, someone he could embrace after a long day of work. It was tough before. Taesan came out when he felt safe and his friend was supportive, until he ached for more. What was curiosity at first became something way more special and intense, with both boys unable to handle their feelings right. However, it ended badly and now they’re strangers again.
Taesan smiled every time Leehan made a comment about the kitchen, the food, or even the furniture. Deep inside, he felt like he was having a nightmare.
--
After a while, it became bearable. Leehan would come to the shop early to get everything ready for the day. Taesan worked mostly tending people, getting their orders and sending it to the kitchen when necessary. Items like sandwiches and coffee needed to be prepared at the moment, but other stuff like croissants and cupcakes were done beforehand. It was a sweet time, when they felt like getting comfortable with each other again.
The mid-afternoon lull had settled over the café, a month after Leehan became the new baker. They talked occasionally about life. Taesan found out that Leehan dropped out of college to pursue his dreams and they bonded over the fact that university was not a choice in their menu. Leehan would tell stories about Busan and how their friends missed Taesan a lot after he left. It felt weird, knowing the conditions he left.
Leehan was wiping down the counter, a streak of flour stubbornly clinging to his forearm. Taesan leaned against the espresso machine, watching him with that faint, amused smirk.
“You missed a spot,” Taesan said, pointing at the flour.
Leehan glanced down, then back at him.
“That’s not flour, it’s stylish.”
Taesan chuckled, the sound warm and familiar to Leehan’s ears. He missed that.
“It looks like flour.”
Leehan rolled his eyes, but the corner of his mouth twitched upward.
“Better than your weird hat. You look like you’re in your mid thirties.”
“Ouch,” Taesan said, clutching his chest in mock offense. “That’s coming from someone who once wore flip flips with jeans.”
“That was six years ago!” Leehan shot back, laughing before he could stop himself.
The sound hung between them, bright and easy, and for a moment it felt dangerously like old times. It reminded them of afternoons spent lying on the grass, talking until the sky turned dark and watching as the stars appeared.
Leehan’s smile dimmed. He quickly busied himself with rearranging cups, avoiding Taesan’s gaze. He wasn’t supposed to feel like this again. He’d spent years telling himself he’d moved on, that whatever they’d had was buried under distance and time. It wasn’t fair. For six years he tried to bury that weird feeling, unsure what happened between them in high school. They were everything and suddenly there was nothing.
But then Taesan leaned just slightly closer, close enough that Leehan could feel the heat of him and catch the faint scent of coffee and the same perfume he used to wear all those years ago. His heart ache.
“Careful.” Taesan murmured, voice teasing. “You’re starting to sound like you missed me.”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, boss.”
As Taesan turned to the register, Leehan’s chest felt like it was exploding with the truth he didn’t want to admit, he had missed him. Maybe it was a bad idea. He should have run away as soon as he saw Taesan standing behind that counter, but alas, he decided to stay, and knew he had to deal with all of those feelings. He hoped Taesan matured, after all, and was not willing to hurt him again.
--
The winter rain tapped gently against the coffee shop windows, blurring the neon glow from the street outside. Most of the tables were empty, the few customers scattered in quiet corners with laptops or books. Taesand liked the vibe at this time of the day, when everyone seemed quiet and immersed in their own personal universe. Leehan was in the kitchen, struggling with a heavy sack of flour. The knot on the bag refused to budge, and the more he yanked, the more stubborn it seemed. He was already getting frustrated, when he heard steps approaching.
“You’re going to break your wrist like that, you know.” Taesan’s voice came from the doorway.
Leehan huffed, deffensive.
“I can handle it.”
“Sure you can.” Taesan said, walking over anyway. “But you’re making it harder than it needs to be.”
Before Leehan could protest, Taesan stepped in, close enough that their shoulders brushed. He took the bag from Leehan’s hands without asking, fingers brushing his in the process, and untied the knot with two easy twists.
“There. Easyy, right?” He said, pushing the bag back toward him. Leehan looked down at the neat, loosened knot and muttered:
“Show-off.”
Taesan’s lips curved slightly, just for a second.
“That’s part of my owner duties. Aren’t you glad you have such a strong, manly guy around?”
Leehan laughed under his breath, surprised at how natural it felt, and how much warmer the kitchen suddenly seemed. He’d always remembered Taesan as sharp, maybe even cold at times, but here he was, stepping in quietly, helping without turning it into a big performance. It was like a warm ray of sun breaking the ice. That was happening a lot lately, and he was truly scared of what that meant for his feelings. Late night conversations were a common thing now, as well as jokes and a lot of touches.
He even unblocked him.
Later that afternoon, when Leehan’s hands were full carrying a tray of delicate pastries, Taesan was already there holding the kitchen door open without a word. When Leehan spilled a little cream filling onto his wrist, Taesan passed him a clean towel before he even asked. It was like he knew. Leehan always admired that in the other guy, he was gentle in a way that no one else was, and when confronted with his true colors, Taesan would joke about something and make his way out of being embarrassed. It’s like he hated being vulnerable, but unable to hide that sweet piece of his persona when close to Leehan.
And Leehan found himself looking forward to these interactions, to the way Taesan remembered he liked his coffee without sugar, to how he slowed his steps when they walked home in the same direction after closing.
It felt dangerous, the way these small things made him grateful. Because gratitude, he realized, was just the first spark, and sparks, even though beautiful, had a habit of catching fire.
--
“I’m telling you, the matcha ones won’t sell as well.” Leehan said, crossing his arms.
“They will, if you stop making them taste like grass.” Taesan replied, leaning back against the counter with infuriating calm.
They were discussing the new donut flavors that were released in the past week. Clients seemed to love the grape and strawberry cream ones, but the matcha donut was very unpopular. It was pretty late. The other baker already left home and Leehan wanted to stay to discuss things further, or that was his excuse. The truth was, he simply wanted to see Taesan a little bit more. Every little touch in the kitchen, when their hands met while handling a drink, when their eyes held each other for a beat longer than necessary, it felt like 6 years ago.
He wanted more, selfishly.
Leehan scowled.
“They’re supposed to taste like matcha. It’s basically grass.”
“They’re supposed to taste good.”
The words hit like a spark. Leehan slammed the spatula down harder than he meant to, the sound sharp in the quiet of the night, scaring Taesan with the sudden explosion.
“You think you always know better, don’t you?”
Taesan’s smirk faded. He quickly tried to correct his mistake, not trying to sound bossy or immature. At this point, hurting Leehan again would feel worse than the first time.
“It’s not about knowing better. It’s about running the shop. I don’t think i’m better than you in any shape or form, really.”
“Right.” Leehan said bitterly, turning away to wipe the counter. “You’re acting like before, you know? When you knew what was best for me back then, too.”
That made Taesan go still. The conversation was taking a weird turn. They would end up talking about that, but so soon?
“Leehan, please, don’t do this.”
“No.” Leehan spun back toward him, the years of swallowed words rising in his chest like a tide. “You left, Taesan. You didn’t even give me a choice. One day we were everything, and then…” His voice faltered, cracking under the weight of memory. “One day we were in love, and the next you were gone. No explanation, no goodbye, not even a letter. Just… Nothing.”
Taesan’s jaw tightened and a lump formed on his throat.
“I had to go. You know that.”
“You were my whole world. And when you left, it felt like I wasn’t worth fighting for.”
The words landed heavy in the quiet. Taesan looked at him, something raw flickering behind his eyes.
“I never stopped liking you.” Taesan began, but Leehan shook his head, turning away before he could hear the rest.
Silence pressed in again, broken only by the slow, uneven sound of their breathing and the cars passing by the road behind them. Taesan took a step forward, his voice was low, like he was avoiding scaring a baby bunny.
“You really think I didn’t want to stay?”
“Why didn’t you then?” Leehan tried. He needed the truth.
“My parents… They found out about us. They told me if I didn’t end it, they’d pull my sister out of college. She was barely in her first semester, Leehan. Everything she worked for, gone.” Leehan froze, his anger colliding with confusion.
“And I was so scared. Terrified” He gesticulated with his hands. “They were going to tell your parents too, so I panicked and agreed with their terms.”
“What terms?”
“We left. We started fresh here in Seoul. I finished high school, met different people, even went on blind dates with girls, but seriously I couldn’t. Even guys. I always thought I felt something, but it was never the same. My parents helped me build this place so I could leave them alone.” Taesan took a breath and looked helpless. “They are embarrassed of me.”
“So you just… Decided for me?”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know!” Leehan retorted. “We could have figured out something. We could chat, sent each other emails, I don’t know” He repeated.
“I tried to tell you!” Taesan’s voice cracked. “I called. I texted. I begged you to listen. But you blocked me.” He swallowed hard, looking away. “You blocked me. And when I saw you again here, I thought maybe… maybe it was better not to open it all up again. I didn’t want you to hate me more than you already did.”
Leehan’s chest tightened painfully. He remembered the night he blocked Taesan, how his hands shook, how his heart felt like it was breaking apart in real time. It was hard. They met under the tree where they used to have their dates when Taesan announced he wanted to break up. Leehan cried like a baby, unable to do anything at the time. When they went to their homes, there were dozens of text messages sent from Taesan’s number. He’d thought silence would help him heal, so he deleted everything and blocked his number, e-mail address and everything he could find. Instead, the silence, it had just kept the wound fresh, hidden under years of pretending.
“I never hated you.” Leehan said softly, his voice barely more than a whisper. “I hated how I couldn’t move on after you left. Your family just vanished after that day and I felt so stupid”
Taesan’s eyes met his, and for a moment, the years between them dissolved. The coffee shop felt too small, the air too thick with everything they hadn’t said, and who cared about matcha flavored donuts at this point.
“I never stopped loving you.” Taesan murmured.
Leehan didn’t know who moved first. One second there was space between them, the next, Taesan’s hand was cupping the side of his face, warm and steady, and their mouths met in a kiss that was nothing like the shy ones they’d shared as teenagers. It was desperate, aching and healing. They both knew that it wouldn't be easy getting rid of all of that sorrow that piled for years, but at the moment, being like that with each other was all that mattered. Leehan’s fingers curled into the fabric of Taesan’s shirt, pulling him closer, tasting the faint bitterness of coffee on his lips.
When they finally broke apart, breathless, Leehan’s forehead rested against Taesan’s. Neither of them spoke for a long moment, afraid that words might shatter the fragile truth between them, they still loved each other.
“Please. Please don’t go away again. I don’t know if I can live like that.” Leehan begged.
Taesan brushed his thumb on the other boy’s cheek, amazed at how sweet his lips still tasted. Leehan knew how difficult it must have been for the other, Taesan was a little rough around the edges and he had difficulty talking about his feelings with others. He hoped to kiss every worry away from now on.
“I’m not going anywhere. Please, forgive me.”
Leehan smiled.
“Fine. But the matcha donuts stay.”
And like that, they realized not much has changed since their last moment together.