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“David!”
Jocelyn startled David from his very important task of realigning the goat milk soaps at the back of the store.
“Jocelyn! Ohmygod. Hi, sorry, I didn’t hear the bell ring.”
“Not a problem, you were obviously concentrating very hard on….whatever it is you’re doing.”
“Can I help you with something?”
“Yes! Town council is hosting a new community event and I was hoping to hang a flyer on your front window.”
“Mmmm. Jocelyn, you know that I don’t allow that. It’s very off-brand for our aesthetic.”
“I know, I was just hoping-”
“The community bulletin board is at the front of the store. You can hang it there.”
“Well, okay. I hope you and Patrick can make it! It’s going to be a fun time!”
“Mmm. We’ll try our best to be there.” David replied, hoping it sounded at least half-sincere.
//
“Hey, David. How’d things go this morning?”
“Good. Not too busy. How was the vendor meeting?”
“It went really well. I think they’re going to agree to exclusivity after all.”
“You’re quite the negotiator, honey.”
“Thanks. Anyway, on the way back through I stopped in at town hall and picked up the permit for next week’s open mic.”
“Oh, so we’re doing that again?”
“Yes, David. My answer is the same every time you ask me. Everyone loves them and they’re great for our bottom line.”
“I know, it’s just that I can only take so many sincere serenades in public before my credibility is tarnished.
“I’ll keep that in mind when choosing my song.”
“Mmm. See that you do.”
“I’m going to put up a new flyer on the bulletin board to advertise. Twyla said we could post something at the cafe too.”
“Whatever you need to do. I’m staying out of it, as usual.”
Patrick strolled over to the community bulletin board that he had installed at the front of the store. He and David went back and forth for weeks over it, but eventually Patrick used his bedroom skills to wear David down.
“Uh. David. What the hell is this?!”
“What?”
“There seems to be a new flyer on the bulletin board.”
“Oh, yeah, Jocelyn hung it up. I didn’t really see what it was about.”
“I thought we were only advertising community events…. family friendly events.”
“We are. Why? She said it was something that the town council was sponsoring.”
“What?!”
“What is it?” David finally walked around from behind the counter and stood next to Patrick, reading the flyer.
“What the flying fuck?!”
There, in the middle of their community bulletin board was a flyer, with very large bold print, advertising “Schitt’s Creek’s First Annual PEGGING EVENT - Fun For All Ages!”. They both stood speechless, staring at the flyer, heads slightly cocked, eyes squinting.
“You don’t think….” Patrick started.
“That can’t be what we think it is, right?”
“I mean, maybe? You’ve heard Jocelyn and Roland’s stories.”
“But Ronnie would never allow that, right ?”
“I wouldn’t think so. Unless….”
“Unless what?”
“Well, I don’t know what she’s into!”
“Oh my god, well this obviously can’t stay up in our store!” David ripped it down from the board. “There. Problem solved.”
“David, we can’t just take the flyer down and say nothing else about it.”
“What else is there to say?!”
“We have to ask Jocelyn what this is all about.”
“Do you want to have that conversation? Because I sure as hell don’t!”
“Fine. I’ll make the call.”
//
“Ok, well that was fun," Patrick's words dripped with sarcasm.
“So, what did you figure out?”
“Um, it’s a game. Pegging is a game - or, not, actually that name. It’s that little wooden game with pegs, you know the one?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“It’s shaped like a triangle and you have to leapfrog the pegs to remove them.”
“I know a very different definition of what leapfrogging means.”
“What? What does it…nevermind….you have to jump over the pegs. Anyway, the point is to try to end up with only one peg.”
“Ok, I’m going to ignore ALL of the sexual innuendo in everything you just said and ask the question on everyone’s mind…. Why did she call it that?! Does she not know what pegging means?”
“Well, actually, yes she does….apparently she thought it would draw a bigger crowd?”
“Ewwah!”
“Yep, my sentiments exactly.”
“Ohmygod but can you imagine thinking you were showing up to get pegged and have it be a glorified games night with the townies?”
“Nope, I can’t imagine that scenario - but not for the reason you’re suggesting…. Anyway, I think I got her to understand that it wasn’t exactly appropriate advertising for the actual event.”
“Well, good job, honey. You care about this way more than I do.”
“Thanks?”
//
“Patrick, what the fuck is this?!”
“Oh that? That’s the new flyer that Jocelyn made.”
“It still says 'PEGGING EVENT' on it in giant letters!”
“Yup. She thought that adding the picture of the wood board and pegs would clarify what the event actually was….but still wanted to keep the title to get people’s attention.”
“Oh my god.”
“Yeah….”
“Absolutely not. This is not staying on our community board, Patrick.”
“I told her that you would likely take it down.”
“Good.”
“But we are still going to go, right?”
“What?!”
“It’s a very fun game, David! I was really good at it as a child.”
“So!”
“I think there’s a tournament. I could win!”
“Honey…”
“There’s going to be catering.”
“I’m listening. Catered by whom.”
“The cafe,” Patrick winced.
David let out a sigh, “God, the things I do for you….”
"You love me."
"I do. Also, I'm going to tell Stevie about this event, but not tell her it's a game. See if she shows up."
"Sounds about right."
"Don't ruin this for me or I'll make you regret it!"
"Understood."